Just Between Neighbours
by JigsawRose
Summary: Edward and Emmett Cullen make a bet with their friends as to who gets to seduce their new neighbour Bella Swan, first. What happens when Edward in particular gets to feel more for Bella and helps her to release her true inner-self to the world? ((ON TEMPORARY HIATUS)).
1. New Place

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Mum, do we really have to do this?"

How many times was my mum going to ignore me...The moving to our new house hadn't exactly gone as smooth as I had hoped and well, now we had to transfer all the stuff to the new neighbourhood with some of the lurkers peering their nosey souls into what we were both along with a few 'movers' workers were doing. At one time, my mum and I were the people who used to nose at new people but now, it seemed the right thing to do not to do that anymore because it was horrible.

My name is Bella Swan, new to the town of Farningham...I could just about pronounce it, but it was as small as anything our new village...Pretty much deserted and it already seemed as if the residents here got most of the bad weather. All that really surrounded the perimeter was greenery and trees and a part of me thought that it was nice to see some nature because new developments and buildings seem to absolutely everywhere right now.

"Oh come on, sweetie...Work on the upper body strength!" mum exclaimed lifting a box and stepping inside our house. As a person, I consider myself to be very positive but recent events made me realise that sometimes life isn't all plain sailing. The reason why mum and I had moved to this god-forsaken place with no hope of ever seeing the hustle and bustle of main town life is because my father, Charlie had passed away and left us in the town that he had been a very respectable public figure in. The amount of memories that held in the air around it was too much for my mother and we had come here for a new start.

I missed Charlie like hell...I call him Charlie because he and my mum..Whose name is Renee by the way – had separated and he had been out of my life for a while as she was in a new relationship with a man named Ben. Mum had always been a little scatty and undecided about life and, Ben just brought her down as he had wanted so much to settle down and make them both have a definite life plan...A definite concrete plan to mum was like water to a cat there was no chance that she was ever going to be able to let stability find her and swallow her up.

Sighing, I took a box from the back of the van and stopped in my tracks to look at the lurkers who hadn't moved one inch, you'd think that they had seen an Eclipse or a comet from the way they studied us...I was beginning to get the feeling that this village was never going to be accepting me, let alone the people already living in it. The one thing that also concerned me and honestly made me a little sick was the fact that I was about to start my sixth-form year in a school in Sevenoaks possibly about twenty minutes from here...Like all the other students I was in the same boat starting a new year but I was on my own in the sense that most of them may already know each other and made friendship circles and cliques...There was no doubt in my mind that I was going to be the 'geek' in the all-american teen movie atmosphere. I liked being a geek so nothing mattered.

Placing the box in my room...My bed had already been set up along with my chest of drawers and my wardrobe...This was going to be enough until the weekend and all of this crap can be put away into the right places and not look so cluttered.

"Bella!"

The rest on my bed was short-lived at the sound of my mum calling me, I stood up and made my way back down the stairs and outside to the van.

_When is this going to be over?_

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Emmett would you hurry the fuck up!"

"Language, Edward Anthony!" Mum interrupted my shout to my elder brother, he took longer to get ready than me and I hated to be kept waiting. Somehow he had always done it to wind me up and bother the utter shit out of me!

"Jesus keep your hair on, you'll get laid!" Emmett groaned coming down the stairs "hey did you know that there are new people moving in next door?"

"So you are too busy perving to answer me when I call you?" Emmett was always after the latest thing to bang with a pulse...Now the innocent neighbours were going to be the next target. "I don't give a shit whose moving in and out, let's go!"

"You two be back by twelve!" Mum called down the stairs.

"YES MUM!" Emmett roared grabbing his coat and sprinting out of the door...He turned his head to the right and stopped to look next door...Growling, I passed him and opened the driver's door to my Volvo.

"Hey good-looking!" Emmett bellowed at the girl coming out of the van with a box in her hands, at the sound of his shout she dropped the box and covered her mouth with both her own hands at the shock and then bent down to pick it up without ever glancing my brother's way.

"Nice try Em, she's not interested...Get going now or fuck me sideways...I'll go without you!" in my anger at the fact that he still had not budged from my threat, I reached down into the car and pressed down hard on the horn making him jump and frown at me.

"What the hell, Edward you douche...I'm coming don't get your granny knickers in a twist!"

"Shut up and get in!"

Emmett climbed into the passenger side and I started the engine immediately, screeching the car tyres against the tarmac beneath us and spinning out of the drive passing the box girl gazing at us as the car got further and further away. Nosey bitch!

"You know she was hot, Edward...Why did you do that?"

"Rosalie is at the club...If you really can't keep your dick out for long then I am sure she is easy enough to help you jack off!"

"What about you...Tanya isn't any better!"

"Hell she sucks me off for free..What's not to like about that?"

"You can at least not be so much of an arsewipe about it...The new girl next door can be my next conquest!"

"Hell to her if she ever wraps her mouth around you...She didn't seem the least bit interested"

"You think you stand a better chance?"

"I think I would"

~~**~Bella~**~~

_Those were our neighbours!_

I had just been wolf-whistled and called 'good looking' by two guys not that much older than me, and as a result...Dropped the box I was carrying...Never had I experienced something like that and the blush on my cheeks was so strong that the only thing I could manage to do was keep my head down until the heat subsided. Who the hell were they? Did they think that I was interested?

"Bella, come on sweetheart...The boxes aren't going to move themselves!"

Snapping out of my thoughts...I held the box in my arms again and headed back up to the house.

Why did I suddenly feel so uncomfortable about being here?


	2. Hot Chocolate

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

(That Evening)

Groggily getting up from my bed was not an easy thing, I hadn't realised that I had fallen asleep at all and moving all the boxes into the house had been such a draining situation that it had completely taken any energy out of me...The sleep was not a good one, if anything I was so in and out that I might as well have been awake but the only problem was my eyes being so damn heavy!

Running both hands through my hair to smooth out the tassels from my pillow and the tossing and turning to get comfortable I made my way downstairs creeping slowly down the creakiness of the wood on each stair because of the possibility that mum still may be sleeping and she is as cranky as anything when she is woken up – I had gotten the morning gene from my father however trying to wake my mum in the morning was like attempting to get the loch-ness monster to come up from the water. Managing to make an amount of noise successful for a klutz like me, inwardly a little proud of myself...I stepped into the kitchen to find my mum at the hob with her back to me.

"Mum?"

"Hi honey, do you want some hot chocolate" she whispered turning around and gesturing to her pot of milk and the spoon that she was stirring it with.

"What are you doing up?" I asked whispering too and hopping up onto one of the breakfast bar stools.

"Couldn't sleep...Moving into a new house has never gone down well with me...Even as a child I was constantly complaining that my new bed was not in my old room and my old room was the only place I felt safe. That habit still hasn't gone away"

"I'm sorry I fell asleep...I didn't actually realise-"

"Oh baby, no need for that...Moving that stuff took a lot out of me, too...Believe me, I wasn't long after you for sinking on the top of my bed. Did you want some chocolate honey..There's enough here for two"

"Yeah sure, thanks"

"You're welcome" she answered with a smile, taking the small tin of 'Cadbury's' chocolate powder from one of the cupboards and pouring some of the heated milk into two cups. "I should really go shopping at some point; tomorrow...All we have at the moment is tea, hot chocolate and sugar. That should make for a nice breakfast!"

I smiled at her remark – the one thing...Well, two things mum could never live without are tea and hot chocolate and yes, she is a little strange but those two things had always been there in her childhood and my Grandparents were not the richest of people – The Dwyer's were of a moralistic personality and an inner appreciation for what they had when struggling to make ends meet financially...A part of me still wishes that my Grandparents were also, still alive to see me finish up school forever next year – such a defining moment for me and admittedly a scary one but there were options then to go to university or college and carry on learning...Although, the prices may be a little steep with the English Government cocking up the finances of the country and the new prime minister now having to cut down spending and as a result prices are going up and up. I had the determination to get to further study; the money was going to be the only problem.

"Here you go, baby" mum placed the cup in front of me and I smiled at her taking an inhale of the chocolate steaming from the top.

"I can't remember the last time I had one of these...Thank you, mum"

"No problem...So, are you nervous about school tomorrow?"

_Damn, _I can't lie in front of my mum either...She had eagle senses and she'd only talk to me until I blabbed so the only thing to do now was to tell the truth and be honest.

"Yes"

"Oh Bella, you're an amazing student and I am so proud of you...Believe me, no one is going to make you feel uncomfortable-"

"It's much easier said than done, mum...Besides everyone will know each other and it will be the day when every student places a magnifying glass in front of me and studies me to make a first impression before I have a chance of opening my mouth. That is what school is like..Hell...Hell under a microscope"

"You've never had problems before-"

"I had _friends_ in my last one...People that I was comfortable with and wanted to be around every day – how am I to know that I will make any at all in this one?"

"Sixth formers are much more mature than uniform...There will be a change and well, you will be with the boys from the boys school across the way so that might be a good change, too"

"Men don't make good change they can be as bitchy as the girls when they put themselves in the right mind!"

"Bella, you have a valid point there...Listen can you tell me the truth when answering this, do you mind that we moved here?"

"No...Mum-" I didn't even have to think about my answer "I'm sorry I worded that all wrong when I spoke about my old school...We had to move out because we couldn't afford it and I said at the beginning that I understood that. Nerves are just making me sad"

"There is no need to be nervous, you are going to work hard and get to wherever it is you wish to go because that is your destiny!"

"I still wish that dad could be there to see me finish next year-"

"I know, sweetheart-" mum took my hand in hers across the bar and squeezed it slightly "he will be, though from somewhere up there..."

"Mum don't tell me that you _believe _there is a heaven"

"I believe that there are spirits, perhaps not so much a heaven...Your dad wanted what was best for you and so do I – you can make him proud with no extra effort"

"Thanks mum"

"No problem...Right, I am going to see whether I can get back to sleep...Are you coming up?"

"No...I am going to stay here and finish this"

"Okay well, make sure you do get some sleep because there is a busy day tomorrow for both of us"

"Yeah I will"

Mum came around and placed a kiss on my forehead "I love you, Bella...I may not show it sometimes but I do"

"I love you too, mum"

"WHOOO HOOO!" as mum went upstairs and the sound of her bedroom door filled my ears, a cheer from outside and moments later the blaring sound of an engine cut me from the thought shower in my mind and in the once silence around me. Frowning, I stepped down from the stool and opened up the front door.

_Oh of course!_

There were the two guys from next door screeching to a halt in the silver Volvo outside their house and climbed out of the car, the younger one of the two first from the driver's side and then the other one...Both of them looked a little wobbly, the elder one more than the other. I did not mean to stare, if anything I wanted nothing to do with it but the noise was too much, how can people sleep with these two hooligans making racket?

Without thinking of going back inside the house, the eldest brother made eye contact with me and smiled making a very messy bow from ancient times and slowly his way towards me...Jesus he couldn't even walk in a straight line!

Breathing in slowly to prepare myself to argue, he closed the distance between us and stood inches away from me...Smiling cheekily and his eyes dropping in and out.

"Hello...b...Beautiful!" he slurred, the temptation to grimace was a hard one – I was not going to be judgemental but at the same time, my father had never wanted me to go out and drink even though at the time I was not old enough but now I am. Now, he was beginning to make some sense in his decision to stop me.

"Can you please keep the noise down?" I whispered, looking around and seeing a few lights turn on...Just my luck if I were to be blamed for this and not the two men from next door.

"Oh..S...Sorry, HEY EDWARD!" Rolling my eyes, I backed away from him shielding my clothes from the other brother and holding onto the door..If anything I was going to be safer in my house than out with them.

"Em how many times...She's not interested..Let's go!" he did not glance at me once and it did not bother me in the slightest, he and his brother had already proven themselves to be reckless and was it wrong to expect some kind of apology for the noise they were making?

"I told you she was...Hot did...Didn't I?" The younger brother took a hold of the elder one, there was a huge size difference but seeing how bladdered the elder one looked – it seemed the only option to get him away from me at all.

"You...You..Said that...You...Wouldn't...Touch her with a...Bargepole!" the remark from the elder brother's mouth alarmed me, even though it should not have done...Who the hell did the young one think he was some kind of God, a treat for all young girls to enjoy at some time in their life. Oh I didn't care that much about him to make a reply.

The elder brother had started to sing when they both went into their house...I breathed a sigh of relief and closed the front door picking up my now lukewarm chocolate from the bar and walking up the stairs to my bedroom.

As I opened the blinds to put my cup on the sill...I gasped when I saw the younger brother walking into the room opposite my own...Our windows not that far apart from one another. Don't tell me that he was going to be the one who sees me do the things that only people do when they want privacy...Oh, not those kind of things..I always wanted to do things in private like my homework and my drawing and occasional writing but how was I going to be able to do them when he can study me from his window.

Groaning quietly, I closed the blind and drank the rest of my chocolate and left the cup on my bedside table making a note to pick it up and take it downstairs in the morning.

Without another sound, I climbed into bed...Feeling worse that I had to have someone like him opposite me the only thing keeping us apart were our closed windows...Why were the other neighbours further away from us than them, why couldn't we have the same amount of distance between them both? This is just my luck.

Now, I am going to find out that he was a student at the same school.

_Oh jeez...That's not possible...That can't be possible!_

Can it?


	3. Coded Arrows

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

(Next Morning)

"Edward-Anthony...Get up, now!"

Groaning from the huge bastard pain surrounding my entire head...I lifted my head from the pillows and eased away the feeling of wanting to throw up by breathing more slowly. I felt like a complete bitch and hangovers were hell...Emmett had been downing aftershocks and sambucca because they were only £1 a go and man, none of us were going to say no at that price and so...Damn him for making me pay the price this morning.

Glancing at my alarm clock, I growled and hopped out of the bed, never stopping and ran into my en-suite throwing away my clothes and stepping into the boiling heat to wake me up as I turned on the water.

I had never showered so fast in my life, getting a reputation from my old school had been as easy as hell and if I had the choice, I wouldn't be going back into school but of course, young people had to work for what they got and with my grades...I didn't have to go back to sixth-form..I could get a job, anywhere!

After getting out of the shower I grabbed the first things from my drawer and threw them on, why the hell do I need to look great when I feel like complete shit is beyond me...Besides it was only school.

As I did the buttons of my trousers up, I groaned at my phone ringing on my bedside table...Accepting the call not bothering to look at the fuckwit who was calling me at this hour.

"WHAT?"

"_Eddie...Someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning...Shall I make it better for you in lunch today?" _Ugh Tanya was only good when her mouth was used to suck me off; never did I pay any attention to her when she spoke to me because she did not interest me enough to want to indulge in riveting conversation.

"Believe me, you are going to be needed...Tanya is fucking early...I'll see you at school"

"_Fancy giving me a ride?"_

_I fancy YOU giving ME a ride...That's about it!_

"Yeah sure, whatever...Oh and don't call me Eddie!" I hung up and walked out of my room, putting the phone in the back pocket of my jeans and marched up to Emmett's room...Of course when I got there he was still asleep in his cave.

"Emmett...Get up we've got school!" I threw a pillow at him that he left at the other side of the room and he groaned as it hit him square on the side of the face.

"Fuck off Edward...Some of us are trying to get to sleep!"

"Get up you lazy fuck!" I yelled at him and sprinted over to pull the duvet off of his body. "OH!" I groaned as his bare arse stared right back up at me "Em what the hell...Where some clothes when you sleep wank stain!"

"Count yourself lucky I wasn't on my back...Give me ten minutes!"

"It wouldn't hurt to go and get your jeep from the garage, Em...Then maybe I wouldn't have to get an arse-staring in the morning!"

"You're just jealous!"

"Oh believe me; I'm not...Come on, NOW!"

"ALRIGHT!" Emmett got up and I used the duvet still in my hand to throw at him as he wound it around his waist standing on his feet, he looked like I felt but he had thrown a whole lot more booze down his throat than me last night and if anything, he deserved it. Most of the night we were in separate rooms with different women and well...That's how my brother and I roll.

"You're an arsehole!" Emmett moaned walking into his bathroom and slamming the door.

This was going to be a long day!

"Edward, how many times do I have to tell you to keep it down at night when you come home?" Mum was all ready for the morning lecture as she slammed down various things in the kitchen to get the anger out. What was it with women and being over-dramatic?

"Alright, mum"

"Don't alright me...Pretending like you're going to listen when you don't. By the way this is the last chance to re-do your AS year, your headmaster made that very clear to your father!"

Oh damn, I forgot to mention that both Em and I did fuck all last year and we both failed all the exams my dad of course the respected business man had to intervene and stick his oar in when I'd sooner not go back at all.

"Your father-"

"Well dad isn't here...He is never here so let's keep him out of the conversation, Emmett and I will work better this year mum...Anyway, I gotta go" not needing to keep up the pretence of happy, talking families and grabbed my car keys and stepped out into the morning air, climbing into my car once pressing the button to open it and slammed my head against the steering wheel after I closed the door and was left in the silence.

My father, Carlisle worked for 'Otis' the lift company and he was promoted to the top of his job, now managing the entire continents of Europe and the far East...Being abroad, he never stayed around in one place for more than a few months and so, we as a family were much more of a threesome rather than the usual four. Mum worked as a beauty therapist full-time but she was mostly at home because her appointments for her clients were in the morning more than the afternoon. My family were much closer when Emmett and I were kids and now we can barely stand to be in the same room as one another for more than five minutes.

Hurry up, Emmett!

~~**~Bella~**~~

Waking up, to my elation earlier than my alarm...Still feeling a little tired from having my little rendezvous with the idiots next door, I had already showered using my favourite strawberry scented shampoo and conditioner and put on the most casual but smart clothes I could find in my wardrobe...The rules in the prospectus of the school I was going to be attending didn't have suits but instead nice clothes. The type of clothes which I did not own a lot of...Perhaps when I can find a job soon I can buy some more for the summer when the need for layers and darker colours was not so necessary.

Happy with my choice in clothing and not bothering to do anything with my hair, the one thing I did ensure to do in the morning was to put on a small amount of makeup because of my pale, wishy washy complexion was inherited from my mother and the cold on the best of days caused a rosy blush to my cheeks which I hated with a pure passion. Believe me, the amount of makeup on _my _face was limited compared to some of the girls my age...Some used a roller rather than a sponge or a small pad in the mornings!

As I entered the kitchen, my eyes locked on a piece of paper on the bar, I walked over to it and picked it up...My mum's infamous scrawl inscribing the paper:

_Darling Bella_

_I'm sorry I didn't want to wake you...I have made my way out to get some food from the market. I have walked there so feel free to take my car for school, today...The rest of my day will be spent job-hunting but I will be back tonight to make us both a much-needed meal._

_Love you_

_Mum x_

The thought of taking my mum's car was difficult to imagine, she owned a truck...The trucks that hippies take attached to their caravans and the assorted selection of stickers on the whole car did not help to keep the whole car hidden.

What mum had failed to even remember is that I had not passed my DRIVING TEST!

How could she not know that I did not drive?

Damn that woman was so scatty!

I had no money to get a bus and so, the only option now was to walk the way to school...I had been prepared before moving into this house and checked the footpath routes in my spare summer time and thankful that I was the only one of us who had shown some kind of preparation, I stepped out of the kitchen throwing my bag over my shoulder and climbing into my converse shoes...The shoes that I had never taken off since luckily getting them on sale. The air was chilly and, mum had thrown away my coat in an anti-clutter attack when we sold and so, my two layers were not helping me keep warm in the cold.

Sniffing and adjusting the bag on my shoulder, I began the easiest route I could remember at the top of my head. Out of curiosity, I looked back to the house next door and found that the Volvo had already gone.

Wow the drunkards manage to get up early...That certainly makes a change!

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Ungh" the moans from my mouth filled the car, the empty school parking lot came in handy as Tanya filled out her usual services of making me release in her mouth...The only thing that the girl was good at was suction and hell, I needed it...The banging in my head wasn't so fucking awful when I was concentrating on the feel of her mouth on me.

My hips jolted up and down as I fucked her face, she was balancing on my back seats on her knees, her arse up in the air...Mum had been nice enough to give me tinted windows in the Volvo and so we did not have to worry about curious hormone-stricken puberty teenagers looking in and getting an eye-full.

"Fuck...Fuck-"I was so close to spilling my jizz down her throat at that moment and I held onto the locks of her hair for dear life pushing her closer and closer to my shaft.

Tanya moaned against me and that was what it took to make me spill down her throat, thankfully she swallowed...Gradually she licked me clean and lifted her head and pulled the hair away from her face...I lifted my trousers and boxers back up my legs, lifting my hips to do them back up and wasted no time in opening the back doors and running a hand through my hair as I was out in the morning air once again.

"Nice work, man!" Emmett answered coming back from the school fields hand in hand with Rosalie, his little occurring fuck customer and hell, if I didn't hate the girl so much I'd probably do her as well, never mind that she was technically a slut like Tanya, I liked sluts...No emotional baggage or any risk of strings.

"Thanks" Tanya emerged from the car and a few more cars belonging to different students came into the car park...Must have been the nerds wanting to get in early on studying and signing up for extra after school clubs and events that only they can ever find cool.

God knows what my timetable was going to look like!

~~**~Bella~**~~

Managing to get to the school in one piece, thanks to some of the idiotic drivers who should never be allowed on the road, anyway...I stepped safely into the school car park near to the main entrance. Various students were gathered in different places, some in uniform and some in own clothes...From this angle, the school building didn't actually look that bad in actual fact it looked rather nice and well-kept but sometimes when it came to any architecture the outside can look far better than the inside or vice versa so I wasn't holding out hope to like the place much at all. _Open-minded, Bella...Open-minded!_

Ignoring the students who had made it their obligation to stare as I walked towards the entrance and into the safety of the reception area.

"Hello dear, may I help you?" wow...They started receptionists off younger these days...I forced a smile.

"I am new to the sixth-form, the name is Bella Swan"

"Ah yes, welcome to Bradbourne, miss Swan...Here is your timetable and also your locker number the key should already be inside the lock and you have to keep the key safe because there is only one more copy-"

"Right okay, thank you" I replied cutting the receptionist off of her scripted dialogue. "Thank you"

"Have a good day Miss Swan"

Reaching the corridor, ignoring the hustling and bustling of different conversations from the students...I leant against a nearby wall and opened up my timetable...On the back was a school map of all the rooms and departments and thank God it was laid out in a way that I could understand.

**Mondays:** _Double English Literature – E6 Miss Osborn_

_Double Free – Independent Study_

_Double Biology – S7 Mr Mansfield_

**Tuesdays:** _Double French – F2 Miss Hughes_

_Double Mathematics – M8 Mrs Weighill_

_Double Biology – S7 Mr Mansfield_

**Wednesdays:** _Double French –F2 Miss Hughes_

_Double English Literature – E6 Miss Osborn_

_Double Free – Independent study_

**Thursdays:** _Double Biology – S7 Mr Mansfield_

_Double Mathematics – M8 Mrs Weighill_

_Social Studies/Citizenship – B9 – Ms Meyer_

_Single Free – Independent Study_

**Fridays:** _Double French – F2 Miss Hughes_

_Double Mathematics – M8 Mrs Weighill_

_Double English Literature – E6 Miss Osborn_

Wow, the timetable didn't seem so bad and the school had picked the subjects that I had wanted to do for both my AS and A2 Levels for the end of the two year stretch...Even though, I had no idea who the teachers were...The subjects were liked enough by me to want to study them for the rest of my sixth-form experience.

My locker number was 29190, the note next to the given number stated that all the students in the sixth-form have lockers that are both inside the common room and outside in the corridor, which made it easier for me to look at where mine could be. Hopefully, not many people would be up there already.

Slowly keeping my timetable and various pieces of paperwork balancing on my arm, I made my way up some stairs to the second floor...The school had colour-coded arrows for the new students in year seven coming up from primary school and as strange as it was, the sixth-form area was arrowed as the direction I was going but I was making a guess that the arrows were not going to be there for the rest of the year no matter how much I may have wanted them to. Instead, I made the mental memory of the direction to my locker and the common room so that I may remember it from now on in.

The corridors were long and reaching the arrow that showed the common room down an even longer corridor, this corridor was in a brand new extension of the building and all the decoration was different but hell it was much nicer.

The common room took up a quarter of the corridor and there were lockers outside of it, with no one against them or near them, breathing in deeply...I began to scan the lockers and found to my delight that my locker was out here at the very top and not in the common room itself...Opening the door, I put my bag in it taking it from my shoulder and putting it inside.

"Well look who it is!" I turned stupidly curious as to who had yelled down the corridor and rolling my eyes to see the infamous brothers from next door with their arms around some Barbie dolls in human-form giving me the stink-eye...Why were they looking at me that way, were the boys not allowed to talk to anyone but them? Stupid girls!

Shutting the door, I took the key out of the lock and went to turn down the other staircase at the end when I was blocked by one of the barbies as she smirked at me, disgusted at her face, my eyes widening involuntarily by the shock of being clustered...The elder brother stared at me from the other side...His brother had gone into the common room with his Barbie without a battered eyelid.

"My name is Emmett by the way...Emmett Cullen...I hope to be seeing more of you-"he stopped and glanced down at the paperwork on my arm, "Bella swan" he finished with a smile.

Without another word he stepped into the common room, starting a sing-song of some sort with his little tag along not far behind...There was no way I was going to be able to go in there for the rest of the year...I didn't belong there.

Keeping my head down, I ran down the staircase and back out into the direction of the fields needing to have some time alone to myself before the bell rang.

Ignoring the cold breeze, I sat down on the nearest area of grass, close enough to the school building to hear the bell if it rung and took out the notebook and pencil case from underneath the paperwork on my arm that Emmett Cullen had looked at and began to doodle on the page.

This was going to be a long day, I don't want the bell to ring...I just want to go home...I knew I wasn't going to belong here, I just knew it!


	4. Stubbornness

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

"What is it with you and that chick, Emmett?" I asked my brother as he lay down on the common room table lengthways and had already started to mark his territory.

"Believe me, that horse can be broken in with a little bit of patience" he replied...I watched Rose from the corner of my eye smirk.

"Wanna make that wager, guys?" she asked with a glint in her eyes.

"You're on, how much?" Emmett said immediately sitting up and putting his legs on each side of her chair. "Edward, get in on this!"

"Why would I waste my time paying to do that chick when I can get Tanya to do it for free!"

"I'll always do it to you Edward" Tanya added running her hand through my hair, I pulled away from her and let her sit on my lap. "I want in, too"

"You girls are betting that us Cullen boys can seduce the Swan girl?"

"How did you find out her name, anyway?" I asked him...Trust my brother to find out anything he needed to...No doubt that he had found out our neighbours by use of charm and possible promises that he had no plan to keep afterwards.

"All it takes is a glare and a smirk, that is one of the great things of having a young receptionist downstairs-"

"What did you promise her?" Rosalie asked him running her hand up his leg.

"Nothing Rose...She can't do anything with me because of her 'job' the last thing I need is to listen to a guilt-trip of not allowing herself to do anything with me because she wants to try and get further in life"

"Why does she be a receptionist if she wants to get further?" Tanya asked.

"Beats me...Now, how much are we betting...Rose and Tanya, do you bet me or Edward to win – Eddie and I can make this a little competition-"

"No way, I don't want to have a part in this!"

"Stop arguing pussy, besides she may like the whole 'book-worm' type-"

"I am not a book worm, wanker...I am better read than you...Jealous?"

"I could be, come on do this with me!"

"Fine what are the stakes"

"I bet two hundred pounds!" Tanya said instantly, causing us all to stare at her wide-eyed. "What?"

"You're betting two hundred on Edward...He doesn't even kiss on the mouth!" Rosalie commented, I shot my eyes to Emmett who suddenly averted his eyes to the ceiling..._Oh that fucker, I am so going to get him back for that!_

"Yes, two hundred on Edward!" Tanya agreed smirking at Rose.

"Well, I'll raise three hundred for Emmett!"

"So...Five hundred pounds for the winner?" Emmett sang, his palms clapping together as he rubbed them. "Let's get started!"

"Em, give me your timetable" Rose asked, Em took the already crumpled paper from his pocket and handed it to her.

"Right, does anyone know what subjects the virgin Swan is taking?" Rose asked us her eyes scanning the paper.

"French, English Literature, Biology and Mathematics" _Wow talk about freak...Who takes A-level French?_

"Emmett, you don't take any of those subjects so hell, you won't be taking any classes with her!" Rose growled slamming the paper down on the table.

"What form group is she in?" Tanya asked.

"I'm the year above her, dumb-arse!" Emmett shot back.

"Let's see yours, Edward!" Tanya took the piece of paper from my pocket before I could stop her and started to read, her arse pressing into my thighs as she leant her weight forward onto the table to read it.

"Ahh Edward has Biology and English Literature with her!" Tanya exclaimed patting the piece of paper and smiling proudly.

"Why the fuck did you take English literature?"

"I find it interesting" I answered not hiding the aggravation and annoyance in my voice at these people around me.

"Is he in the same form group?" Rose asked Tanya rubbing both Emmett's calf muscles with her hands.

"What form tutor does Bella have because Edward has Banner!"

"Wow unlucky...No Bella has Meyer!"

"Well that's good!" I answered snatching the paper from Tanya's loose grip and getting up from the chair causing her to stumble off of me.

"Perhaps you can get the rod out of your arse for English Shakespeare boy!" Emmett called out to me but I had already opened the common room door and slammed the door behind me.

I paced down the corridors various girls giggling or waving in my direction, damn hormones most of these kids had way too many spots and had the ugliest looking hairstyles imaginable...Does anyone own a mirror? I look better than most of these students counting some of the idiots in sixth who I had already met last year when they were in the SAME year as me, if anyone laughs at me for staying back a here they better not cherish their face because there will be some rearranging on my part at the hands of my fists...I looked better than these kids and I was hungover!

"Edward?"

I knew that voice, only the infamous voice of my friend Jasper Hale...A smile appearing on my face as he came towards me, I held out my fist and he pounded it hard. "What's up buddy?"

"I should be asking you the same fucking question...How come you didn't ring me once in the summer you dick?"

"Sorry I was away at Alice's"

"Still with her?"

"No...We broke up, she was too busy riding another man to keep our date and so – I broke things off with her"

"Good touch, man!"

"What is it with women...They accuse us of cheating at every moment we decide that we want to spend a night with mates but then when they do it – no one ever seems to be sympathetic for us?"

"The laws of men and women my friend!"

"You still with Tanya?"

"I am never with Tanya, I just have her for the occasional services-"

"Ahh gotcha!"

"Yeah...So still taking the same subjects as last year?"

"No I changed my Business subject to English Literature...Instead of going into A2...I have to do AS again-"

"Oh thank fuck you are with me in that class!"

"Awesome!"

"What form tutor do you have?"

"Cockle"

"The two of us had to get the shittiest tutors, anyway...Emmmett is in the common room – I need to go and sort out something in the office" I came up with a quick lie...Jasper was a great buddy but at the same time, the idea of the bet floated around my head like an energetic fish. I didn't even know this Bella Swan! How the hell was I going to win this?

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Welcome to English AS level and the dark, mysterious world of Emily Bronte's 'Wuthering Heights' for your first module...Now, how many of you are familiar with the novel?"

Miss Osborn was now my newfound saviour, I cherished the book we were studying just as much as I did the air I breathed...This module was going to be the easiest one the novel being a much guilty pleasure on my side. The two main characters having such a timeless and lasting love even though in their selfishness and stubbornness to act upon marrying one another as they so much desire they destroy others around them. Not the best read having two characters centred being so selfish but what can I say...I loved the character of Cathy because she was imperfect.

"A realistic man struggling with a pig-headed lover in the Yorkshire Moors..Who hasn't heard of this book?" I glanced over at the person making the comment and found none other than the 'other' Cullen brother.

"Mr Cullen...Considering that you knew nothing about Jane Austen last year on your first exams..Do enlighten us with the summary of this novel?"

"What is there to say...Heathcliff is damned for loving Catherine because of her constant stubbornness and need for self-involvement, she acts only for her own intentions at heart and damn anyone else who doesn't allow her to have what she wants-" at the tone of his voice and his constant support for one side, I rose my hand insticntly.

"Miss Swan?"

"Bronte allows us to see both sides, Heathcliff comes from nowhere and he is given a lucky chance in life by being fathered by Cathy's father and during the book he cannot seem to get over this wholly obsession with Cathy, I believe his love to be more of hatred than passion-"

"Cathy is a woman who leads two men on at the advantage of attention...Why does she marry Edgar Linton if only to give herself a stepping stone in the world and gain better status-"

"Cathy declares her love for Heathcliff, he knows that she never stopped loving him and yet...He runs away for three years without so much as a word as to where he is..What choice does she have...Should she have waited for him?"

"If love is timeless as what we readers are meant to believe in this book at the end then why did she not marry him, the man she loved, first and not letting anyone else become the brunt of her mistakes?"

"She grows up believing that there is a better life...She has to have a better life in order to please her brother and late father, women in that time did not always make the right choices and men were always given a much nicer option in return for their efforts in finding a wife and life to settle down in-"

"That is feminist...Men have the same rights as women do even back then-"

"So why didn't Heathcliff marry Cathy?"

"She had already married Linton by the time he came back-"

"Perhaps he realised that he did not want to touch her with a bargepole and changed his mind!"

"Alright, excellent debate but let's have some other students answer some questions shall we?"

In my desire and need to win the argument against the 'other' Cullen, I had forgotten where I was...Pulling my hair forward and creating a curtain...I tore my eyes away from him and back to the book in front of me stroking my finger along the cover as the cover art of the trees and the male and female painting in an embrace took me away from the real world if only for a few needed seconds to cool the heat on my cheeks.

The rest of the class flew by and I got up from the desk, ignoring the teacher's humming as she prepared her next class and walked out, Cullen had already disappeared and I was already making my way to find somewhere where the argument can be forgotten...I stepped out of the main entrance to the school and sat down on the spot I had sat on this morning in the fields...Pulling out my notebook and pen and drawing immediately...My own view on what the world is and what kind of place I had in it.

"Excuse me?"

I lifted my head and saw a girl who I had glances at briefly in the English lesson just gone, being the daydreamer that I sometimes can be...I couldn't for my life remember her name. "Sorry to bother you"

"No that's alright...You're in my English class?" I said, closing my book and putting down the pen, no other person outside of me has seen my notebook and nothing was going to change that now I was in a new place.

"Yes, you're new here aren't you?"

"I am"

"Miss Osborn is not one for letting students introduce themselves; she treats new people like they have been here for years"

"I had noticed, won't you sit down?"

"Oh thank you" she smiled at me genuinely as she sat down in front of me, cross-legged her beautiful red hair blowing in the breeze around us. "My name is Victoria"

"I'm Bella"

"I know...I came over here to say that the argument you had with Edward Cullen was very impressive" his name was Edward...Such an old-fashioned name for an egotistical modern guy.

"Is that his name, I didn't even know it...I have been spending the last day calling him the 'other' Cullen?"

"Well...He has a reputation of a player, many silly girls falling at his feet and feeding him grapes...Why should he look at anyone else but the girls who look like they should belong on a runway" Victoria adjusted her glasses onto her face, I knew that look anywhere...That bashfulness and self-loathing...This girl clearly had some feelings for Cullen and he was never going to look at her twice. Poor girl!

"Even the runaway models don't have personalities...We girls should have layers and a little mystery and someday the right one will come along" I assured her.

"Wow...You're really nice...What other classes do you take?"

"French, maths and biology"

"I have never been one for maths, I liked biology but the class was already full to get that option of study but I do take French-"

"People always look at me weird when I say I want to study A-Level French, at least they used to in my old school"

"I love languages...I don't really pay much attention to what people think, it's best if I live my life for me because chances are..The people around me now, I exclude you in that won't ever see me again and that is a nice comfort to know"

"I suppose it is..." I trailed off smiling at the truth in her remark.

"Were you drawing when I came over?"

"Yes but only doodles...I can't seem to live without a pen and paper..."

"Oh.."

"No one but me can see them, I don't know why...I guess I don't want to have others opinions on them"

"Hey, do you wanna go to the canteen and get something to eat?"

"Thanks...That'll be really nice"

I couldn't help but think that I had found a new friend!

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Hey fuckward...Word on the street is you got burned in English!"

I was in no mood for Emmett, stupid bitch had shown me up in English and why did she have to argue with me anyway, typical woman taking the woman character side...Damn her and her views, I was going to have to deal with her in biology as well, as if things could not get any fucking worse!

"Shut up" I shot, Tanya sat on my lap as I sat down on our usual canteen table to wait for some food, I had a double free period but the music room was locked much to my annoyance and so, the best thing to do was to be around people and distract myself from the opinions of Bella cocking Swan!

"Oh is Eddie all upset because he hasn't had anyone talk to him back?" Emmett teased, putting on a stupid voice and chuckling as he wound his arm around Rose. Those two were perfect for each other, self-centred and have enjoyment in making other people's lives miserable...Let me tell you something, they are not all that perfect!

"Hey dude!"

Jacob Black joined the table, he was friends with Emmett from the Wildernesse football team but I'd sooner never talk to him, talking to him was not something I wanted to do...I'd rather burn myself in acid.

"Ooh looks like Virgin Swan likes geeks!" Rose remarked nodding behind my head, I was tempted to turn but instead drummed my fingers along the table pretending to not be the slightest bit interested.

"Ah isn't that Victoria Wood...The geek who asked Edward to kiss her under the mistletoe a couple of years ago?"

"Fuck off, Em!"

"He got a good wager out of it, though-"

"Yes and the scarring still hasn't fucked off!"

"See why would someone go out like that in the morning..Does no one have any self-pride?" Tanya commented.

"I agree with you there, sister...I mean, Victoria has really nice hair...The colour that much I will give her but everything else is just man-repellent!" Rose added.

"If you had the choice out of those two who would you do?" Jake asked, moving the conversation to a different angle.

"Bella...Easy!"

"That is all well and done when you actually haven't got money riding to bang her!" Rose shot punching him on the shoulder with the arm he wasn't crushing with the side of his body.

"What?" Jake exclaimed "dude you have a bet as to who can bag Swan?"

"Yeah five hundred is the winning kitty, want to add to it?" Tanya asked.

"Is it just you, Emmett?"

"No it's Edward too...He has three hundred in the kitty and I have two hundred" Emmett answered.

"I bet two hundred for you, Em!"

"Sweet!"

Where do these people get this kind of money?

From their parents?

"So...Seven hundred now, it's getting bigger Edward...Are you going to be able to take the pressure?"

I leaned in to Tanya and whispered a 'fuck me' simply in her ear, she nodded and shot me a wink before getting up off of my lap and heading out of the door. "If you'll excuse me" I said following her getting up from the seat and walking out of the canteen.

I turned the corner and banged into something hard...I fell to the floor unexpectedly and shot back up to standing the moment I realised I had fallen, looking down on the person who had barged into me without looking.

_Well if it isn't Virgin Swan!_

"Sorry" she said, gathering up her things and balancing them on her arm. Holy Christ her face was red!

"Yeah well watch where you're going!" I said clearing my throat, thankfully no one had seen me trip and without saying another word I strode up the stairs, knowing exactly where my next fuck was going to be.

Gotta love school when teachers are oblivious to teenage antics!

~~*~Bella~*~~

I stood there, gawking where Cullen had left me wanting to cry quite badly at how rude he had been...How was I to know that he was there when he came out of the canteen as such speed...God's gift indeed...That guy couldn't stand having his ego dented for once but believe me, if he wants a war then it's a war he's going to get one!

What's worse was that I had Biology with him for the last two periods...UGH!

The day has to get worse when it was only starting to get better!


	5. Hidden Duvet

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Alright everyone quieten down!"

It was completely true that Biology was one of my favourite subjects, however thanks to a certain egotistical, pigheaded and selfish guy...I was no longer in the mood to want to sit in this lesson at all.

"Now we have a new student here with us" as Mr Mansfield spoke, the class all came to a complete silence and I could feel the eyes staring into the back of my head and burning into my skull. "The name is Isabella Swan, I believe" he added glancing at the register and looking back up scanning the tables until his eyes fell on mine. "Won't you stand up and tell us a little bit about yourself?"

_Why was there always one teacher who puts a student through this...The English teacher hadn't even realised I was new so why did the science one have to? Did they like to embarrass people and make them feel so very uncomfortable with themselves?_

My knees wobbling beneath me...I stood up slowly and swallowed down the dryness in my throat all eyes were on me and it took all the self-control I had in my body to keep my eyes away from them and burn my own gaze into the blackboard in front of me. "My name is Bella Swan...And...Um...I like Biology!" I added lamely...There was a better description of myself in my brain and one that explains that I moved here because my father died but why should I explain myself to anyone in this class...half of them maybe even more did not like me anyway and so...I wasn't going to waste my time?

"Short and sweet...Thank you, Bella...Now...Welcome to AS Biology...As you know we have only just started this course this year so I am as new as you-"

_Which is an excuse for...I am going to mark modules and assignments in my own time and no one can ever get anything earlier!_

As Mansfield continued to speak on and on about the course criteria, the unknown student next to me dragged a note across the table and my eyes looked down at the pure white shade next to the darkness of the brown wood...A part of me was tempted to throw it but there was a part of me that ate away with curiosity...I didn't know anyone in this class, well when I say I don't know _anyone _I meant Victoria – she wasn't in this class.

Discreetly and as quietly as I could, I opened the paper and found incredible old-fashioned scrawl occupying the paper, the person who wrote this must have studied calligraphy or something because I had never seen writing like this.

_You're so adorable when you blush!_

Damn my flaming blush, always getting the best of me...Ignoring my thought about whether the simple message was written to make an insult or a compliment...I ripped up the paper and put it into my pocket – Mansfield hadn't seen me do this and I was lucky then and there not to have the shame of getting detention or some other form of teacher-student punishment on my first day and have to make an excuse about why my reputation was ruined already to the headmaster – who in all honesty, I wanted to avoid as much as possible.

The rest of the double period went by without another word out of line from anyone, Mansfield had already proven himself to be a different kind of teacher but he was also very strict when he wanted to be and had a good head on for disruptive or difficult students so perhaps having him as a teacher was not so bad for a slight intake in what school discipline is like in this new school...In my old school discipline was not something that was taken lightly – actually no one really had any they could do what the hell they wanted and no one battered an eyelid.

I grabbed all my stuff and ran out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang and headed to my locker – now was the challenge of having to remember the route home, the same route that I had originally come through...Of course, it had already started to rain and Bella Swan whose coat is somewhere on a rubbish ship has nothing to shield and protect her from the wet...Well thank God I don't give a damn about what my hair looks like because the rain if I had styled it in some way was going to be ruined in seconds.

I never saw Victoria again and so I put my locker key into my bag with my notebook and pencil case, the nice thing about being in sixth-form was that there were no books to remember to bring, only the memory stick and assignment briefs that I can add to a binder or some large folder to dig out from the attic back at home. Slowly, a little freaked about what I may look like when the rain soaks me...I made my way out of the school.

The passing students did not seem so interested in me as they had done this morning and so the walk home was going to be much easier to cope with – in fact the walking on my own was nice and uplifting, sometimes I missed any type of company but being alone was refreshing never having to watch what you say or do and have the freedom to do what you pleased.

The rain was heavy on my clothes and hair as I walked out of the school gates and held my bag handles with one hand, the wind was cold and my already gradually see-through shirt was not helping my skin in the low temperature. Trust me to have just an 'okay' day at school and then get drenched on the way home, I guess I should be saying hello to the cold I am going to get sometime soon from this little adventure.

As I walked down the main dual-carriageway, getting sprayed at my feet by cars at the narrowness of the path and the lack of room to move to the side and attempt to get drier there was a loud honking noise from behind me and the engine which had been blaring towards me closer and closer slowed down and deteriorated in volume and much to my dismay, the silver Volvo had appeared next to me, moving along with me at the speed of my walking steps.

"Wanna lift?" I didn't bother to look at him; I knew his voice a mile-off.

"No thanks" I replied looking away from him and continuing to walk down the road, he of course being the bastard he is kept on going slow much to the anger and annoyance of other drivers tooting and have to swerve past him at faster speeds.

"Come on, you're getting drenched"

"No thank you" I said, a little more sternly this time and picking up the pace of my walking.

"Bella, you live next door to me – at least let me make sure you don't die out here" how the hell did he know my name...His cocky brother must have told him, either way his talk made me stop in my tracks and turn around slowly to look at him. He was alone in the car, leaning over the passenger side with his hands on the steering wheel. Biting my lip I rolled my eyes and opened the door – he was never going to leave me, alone and so the least I could do is bite my lip and prevent myself from shouting at him.

Adjusting my seat belt he started to move onto the road again, his hands clenched tightly against the steering wheel and his eyes locked onto the carriageway ahead...I put my hands in my lap and watched the pathway I had just been on fade away from the speed...The atmosphere in the car with everything and more in awkwardness and the window was the only source of comfort to me right now because the tension in this bloody car could be cut with a knife.

How the hell did I manage to get into Cullen's car? Why had he offered to give me a lift when he already plays chauffeur to his brother?

I couldn't bring myself to say anything, mostly swallowing the anger in my system at what had happened in English, today and how weird I feel when he is around me.

Edward said nothing either, thankfully as we pulled into our road and slowly made my way to both our houses being so unfortunately close together...He stopped the car and I unbuckled my seat belt.

"Thank you" I said, opening the door and closing it behind me. That has to have been one of the worst car trips I had ever been involved in.

Breathing a much needed sigh of relief, I knocked on the door keeping my eyes away from Edward who had turned off his engine to the side of me and was walking around to his own front door at the corner of my eye.

"Hi sweetie!" mum greeted me, giving me a hug and kissing my cheek...I sunk into mum's arms needing the warmth and the love that radiated from her, with one hand I closed the front door and added it around her waist. "Baby, what's the matter?"

"Nothing, just had a stressful day" I replied, it wasn't a complete lie...Taking my head away from her shoulder, she cupped my face in her hands and kissed my cheek, again.

"Everything will get better, you're no longer a new student...After one day people forget about it"

"Thanks, mum"

"So...Come and sit down in the kitchen, dinner is nearly ready!" Mum actually seemed excited about what she had done in her honestly, low cooking skills and technique and for mine and her health it was best if I prepared myself to say hello to the food once it had gone into my system and came back up. Mum was a brilliant role-model for me but at the same time, I was the much better cook...Having to study recipes and books myself from being ill from my mum's efforts but I was appreciative in that moment to not have to make anything myself because of the nature of the day.

As I sat down at our breakfast bar...There was a knock at the door, mum sighed and went out of the kitchen...I followed her not wanting to sit in the kitchen on my own and watched mum open the door to a rather beautiful short woman with long brown curls starting back at us.

"Hello, I am so sorry to bother you but I live next door and I thought I'd introduce myself and my-" she stopped and turned to the side.."Edward, Emmett get here now!"

_Oh no...Please no!_

"Sorry, these are my sons...Emmett and Edward" _the elder one managed to get home, then!_ Edward and Emmett had forced smiles plastered onto their mouths and if they said one word out of line to my mother I was not going to be responsible for my actions then in my own house..Mother or no mothers around!

"Wow, well it is nice to meet all of you...Please come in!" Sighing, I stepped out of the way and walked alone into the living room. "Bella, there is no need to be rude...I am so sorry about her, she has had a rather tiring day-" _Oh if only you knew mum, if only you flaming knew!_

"That's alright, I'll go and see her" after Esme spoke she came into the living room...My eyes were focused on the view outside the front of my house...I wasn't prepared to meet the mother of the Cullen's. "Hello Bella"

"Hi" I answered, feeling the eyes of her son's in the doorway at the corner of my eye.

"Have you met my sons?"

"Yes, they go to school...I am new, there"

"I figured as much...You two where are your manners...Get over here and say hello" I have to say even though this situation was awkward and my own mother was completely oblivious to it as she hummed away to herself in the kitchen. Swallowing the temptation to run away to my mum...I turned on the spot and faced the Cullen's who were staring at me both with slightly smirky smiles on their mouths.

Emmett wasted no time in taking my hand in his and leaning down to kiss the back of my hand...Gaggling slightly...I covered my mouth with my free hand and let out an intentional cough to hide the fact that I was disgusted by him and his attitude towards anything that moves.

"My name is Emmett...I hope we can be good friends, Bella" he smiled and released my hand...I glanced over at Esme who smiled a little at her son and then letting my hand fall to my side – also making a mental note to disinfect my hand once being alone...Then, Edward stepped forward, taking my other hand that Emmett didn't saliva all over and shook it gently.

"Pleased to meet you, Bella" he said through clenched teeth, nodding I turned to Esme.

"Can I get you a drink?"

"Oh thank you...Anything you have" Esme answered giving a genuine smile...Why couldn't her sons be more like her – did she know what kind of people they were deep down?

"No need, already have some!" mum sang bringing in a tray, no idea where she got it from because we had never owned any but hey...This day had already gone strange nothing can surprise me too much in this moment.

"Thank you" Esme answered taking her glass of juice, Edward and Emmett mumbled their thanks to my mother and even though it could have been said a little more enthusiastically it was politer than they had both ever been to me.

Standing in that room...My mother making talk with Esme about how long they had lived here...I had nothing to do but sit down on the arm of the sofa next to my mum and watch Esme and her sons sit down opposite us.

"So where have you come from?"

"Up North Esme...My husband worked in the police force and was well-respected up there...We enjoyed living there"

"What made you come down here?"

"Well, my husband and Bella's father passed away and-" _Oh shit, she had to say it didn't she...Oh God, I don't want sympathy from the Cullen brothers...I can't deal with this!_ Not liking the atmosphere from the start and now not wanting to be in the room during the awkwardness of the useless apologies from people who will never understand what it is like to lose a father, I ran out of the room and up the stairs to the only security I had ever known...My bedroom.

Slamming the door, I leant against and it and fell down to my knees, letting out angry sobs from the way the day had gone and how much hate I had for the two guys sitting down...Hugging my knees to my chest and resting my head on my arms...I released all the emotion that I had been keeping in all day at school to save face...Why would anyone want to be friends with the blubbery new girl?

Now thankfully the Cullens may not want to have anything to do with me...Hey, why would anyone want a girl with emotional issues and baggage following her around – surely that would be too much for their reputation of only ever banging barbies?

Not thinking twice, and definitely needing to be alone for the rest of the night...I stood up, closed the blind not glancing at Edward's empty room...Pulling my covers back, I climbed in and snuggled against my pillow hiding my whole body completely under the covers and closing my eyes in the much needed darkness from the world around me.

It was a small thing, but it was my escape at least for now.

I had to stay away from the Cullens tomorrow at school...If I even had to die trying!


	6. Deep Flushes

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

_What the fuck...I wasn't expecting that!_

Mum had dragged Emmett and I to see the 'neighbours' of course we already fucking knew her but mum was on a short thread with the two of us, mostly on a daily basis and of course, Emmett wanted to go because he could see into the house – nosey fucker!

The tension between Bella and us in the living room was so strong that it took all the self-control to not walk out because of the bullshit that was hovering around, the mothers nattering about useless things and Bella wasn't exactly keen on us which wasn't helping the wager.

What was the matter with her anyway? You'd think that she'd never seen a member of the opposite sex before, the body language radiating off of her screamed 'lesbian'. _Ooh a lesbian...That's hot!_

_Focus Cullen!_

"So where have you come from?" Jeez why did my mum have to show an interest, could she not see how awful this was I mean Bella was looking at everything apart from Emmett and I and Emmett, well if his mouth were open he'd be drooling...You know he harks on and spouts shit that he really likes Rose and the two have already gone beyond 'fuck buddies' because their 'fancy' is nothing like mine and Tanya – trust me, I'd never touch that girl with a bargepole if she wasn't so good at giving head.

_Oh why didn't I bring my phone...that could be my escape out of here? Nice going, Cullen?_

"Up North Esme...My husband worked in the police force and was well-respected up there...We enjoyed living there"

"What made you come down here?" _Wrap it up, mother some of us have some much needed time to spend out at the pub! Why the heck was neighbourly friendliness such a necessity, anyway...If my dad were here – well chance would be a fine thing but in all honesty he'd never have the same interest as my mother but because he is married to her and they 'love' each other he'd still come with her just to hold her hand! Sentimental git!_

"Well my husband and Bella's father passed away and-" _Oh holy Christ!_

The moment Bella's mum broke off her sentence Bella had already ran out of the room, I glanced at Emmett swallowing the feelings of anger in my system at being here...Fuck me, that sucks. I mean my dad, even though he is never around – living without him would be a nightmare because mum would drive herself round the bend with upset and grief and Emmett and I would be too shocked to say anything else.

Much like now!

What the fuck were we supposed to do, Emmett looked at me biting down on his lip...Brotherly thinking conversed in the silence, Bella Swan carried emotional baggage and how was she going to be able to trust us, now? Damn real life always screwing up the opportunity of a good amount of money landing in my lap.

"Can you excuse me a moment?" I excused myself, mum was not looking at me but the look of her face the disappointment rang through my mind like a film reel..Slapping Emmett on the shoulder he rose with me and we opened the front door into the privacy.

"Wow...Was not expecting that-" Emmett exclaimed running his hands through his short hair.

"What the fuck...How are we supposed to do anything, now?"

"Dude..Relax take a pain-killer...So Bella is grieving that doesn't mean that she can't be in need of shoulders to cry on!"

"You're seriously telling me that the plan is still ahead but now, with the use of comfort?"

"Edward – is this backing out...Because there was another two hundred added today by the guys on the football field, turns out they like a bit of betting on the side-"

"Seven hundred!"

"Oh yes big brother...Perhaps some more I mean, people love this sort of thing!"

"Fuck me!"

"Trust in your instincts..The girl can hold an argument with you...Never have I seen any girl answer you back and I mean never...There is all that heated sexual tension between the two of you-"

"Emmett...Grow a pair...There is no sexual affiliates to our tension-"

"What?"

"There is nothing sexual about our tension...I can't stand the girl and you want me to try and seduce her now that I find out she's lost her father-"

"Be a man, Edward...Do you know what this could do to your rep at school...We will be invincible indulging in something that no one is ever going to do...Think about it-"

"I can't think-"

"Buddy...Think, with two shoulders and a little hint of trust – the two of you can get talking-"

"Why are you persuading me to do this...Shouldn't you be swaying me off the idea?"

"As much as I'd love to, there is no point in me winning it without having to face some competition...Come on, Edward we are the Cullen's we have been through worse than this!"

"We are talking about damaging an already broken girl even more?"

"She can be fixed...Edward don't be a dick...Not now!"

I wasn't in the mood to fight with my brother, anymore..This whole idea had taken a bad turn much to my disappointment, I hated the girl but she had some qualities like her hair for instance...Is that shit natural because I have never seen anything like it?

Okay listing her good points is not getting me, anywhere...Huffing I turned away from my brother and walked back into the house...Thanking Emmett for leaving the latch on for us to both come back in whenever we wanted to escape the hell from next door.

I didn't know what to do...I ran up to my room and paced over to my blinds...Parting them slightly to see a blinded window...Of course, I had picked up on the fact that Bella Swan and I could manage to see each other when our blinds were open and the thought made me feel sick but right now, there was a small part of me that wondered whether she was alright.

I never imagine anyone to having secrets...Luckily for Bella, she was a closed person and why would she blurt that shit out to anyone who was going to judge her?

Rolling my eyes and ignoring the call from Tanya on my mobile, I threw myself onto my bed and smothered my head into my pillow, groaning loudly in the silence.

Why do things have to change?

~~**~Bella~**~~

*(Next Morning)*

The morning had been the quickest ever in the history of my life, mum had been asking me about her telling Esme the news yesterday and whether I was alright with her doing that...Well for one thing, that cannot be taken back and second how could I lie to her and say 'yes mum it does bother me because the Cullen brothers are arseholes and they will use this against me to get me to talk to them?"

No chance in hell!

So the morning walk began, the morning breeze clearing my tired and aching body from the amount of sleep I had managed to get last night – the beauty about me being me is that I have to get a certain amount of sleep...The seven hour mark really in total to feel completely refreshed if I go under or above that, I ache like hell and of course I had gone over last night because of the dismissal to go back down the stairs and face them all, again.

The summary of the evening may have been awkward as hell and of course, ended on shit terms but Esme Cullen did seem like a very pleasant woman...Perhaps she did know about her sons but because of her own dignity and the want to keep her family together she decides to let them do as they please. Undoubtedly that explains their behaviour.

The second day was not so daunting, mum was right...Walking into the main entrance gates seemed like second nature and no one had bothered to turn..I kind of mingled!

_Keep on mingling, Swan you're doing good!_

I went straight up to my locker pulling out my timetable to look at the lessons, okay downside I had biology and serious ignoring of the 'Cullen' preparation to do before that time...French was starting today and thankfully Victoria was in that class so I knew a friendly face and someone who actually wanted to speak to me about things and not argue to make herself look good in front of everyone!

"Bella?"

_Fuck my life...Think of the devil and they shall appear!_ "Yes?" I replied keeping my head in the locker, how did he know I'd be here, was he stalking me from his flaming window this morning?

At the silence from him, I breathed in deep and closed the door balancing my notebook and pencil case on my arm...He looked almost nervous, hardly surprising as he wasn't surrounded by the other chuckle brother oh and not to mention the plastic barbies! "Can I help you with something?" I couldn't hide the amazement in my voice, why the hell was he here...Didn't people like him lose points from being surrounded by someone like me...An outsider, even worse a newbie?

"I just came over to say I'm sorry about your dad" Whoa _Nelly! Did he just apologise to me? I think hell just froze over!_

"Um-"

"Yeah well that's it" he walked away down the stairs before any words could come out of my mouth...I didn't know whether to be angry or surprised...Why the hell had he bothered to waste thirty seconds of his valuable life to do that?

_Bella if you keep thinking about it...You're going to drive yourself insane!_ I didn't care about Cullen enough to keep his action in my head – instead swallowing the burning questions and getting to my form room as fast as possible before the bell rung.

"Bonjour la classe...Welcome to French A-level!" Okay now I can understand it when people say that the individuals studying French are strange..I was currently sitting in a class of six people, the only person I knew being Victoria and the other four being so incredibly shy that they'd get labelled the 'outcasts' in life. They looked how I feel being here still in this school and honestly, those are the types of people I am drawn to more because they can hold a decent conversation and a good length of talking without judgement...The populars are like hot coals you tread carefully but the moment you say something remotely 'uncool' or at least something their pea-sized brains can never get around, be prepared to burn.

"Bella...Are you alright?"

Victoria snapped me out of my thought shower and I tilted my head to her sitting beside me as she opened our textbook in front of us to the page the teacher is going on about. "Yes, sorry didn't get much sleep last night" it wasn't a whole lie!

"Oh...I didn't think there would be such a good turn-out!" she joked scanning around the room at the rest of the students...I fought back at a giggle.

"Thanks for making me laugh" I said appreciatively as she smiled back at me...French was a lonely lesson with the amount of people but I had Victoria and I could not have been happier that I was not a shy outcast listening intently to the teacher in fear of speaking to anyone else in the class.

*(Lunch)*

"Wow that Mrs Weighill is a toughie!"

I couldn't remember maths, the teacher was scary...I mean quite literally the woman had witches hanging from every corner of her classroom and she had a scary cat calendar that stared at you from the wall every moment you took a glimpse. My memory was not even worth her freakiness of nature because the lesson had been to dire. If I didn't love maths so much it would be the best option for my state of well-being to get my arse out of that class as fast as remotely possible perhaps with the use of my imaginary broomstick but alas, the subject was good and for a CV anyone is impressed with an A-level in a considered academic and difficult subject...I needed all the help I was going to get to get out of this Godforsaken town and out into independence.

I slumped down at the table and took out the sandwiches that my mum had made for me this morning from the pocket of my jacket and put them on the table. "Sorry I am still getting over the aftermath shock-"

"Tell me about it...So, where abouts do you live?"

"Sparepenny Close"

"Oh...That's Edward and Emmett Cullen's close, right?"

"Well the close doesn't belong to them per say but yes they live there"

"Wow...Talk about strange-"

"Strange isn't the word..Hell is a much better word!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean they come home at ungodly hours and make so much noise and the rest of the close don't batter an eyelid..How do they get away with it?"

"How do they get away with what they do here, either?"

"They don't do anything that bad, here do they?"

"Well the usual...Speaking of Cullen, Emmett keeps looking over here"

"Tor..I am really not interested...Thank God my back is to him"

"He really is looking...Why do you think he is bothering?"

"I will be right back!"

If anyone mentioned the name Cullen to me, again I swear on all things holy and great in the word I will hit someone..Why did they both need to be such legends here, it was like they had an OBE or a star on the Hollywood walk of fame from the way people acted around and them and spoke about them! As I leant against the banister outside the canteen two sets of staircases one going up to the art department and the other going down to somewhere I didn't know, there was a loud banging noise floating up from the downstairs. Frowning, I descended them slowly keeping my steps lightly in case someone was getting hurt at the hands of violence, fair enough I don't want to be a snitch but violence is not something I will be able to live knowing about and never doing anything to make it better and reach a resolve. I learnt about the wrong of violence through my father and it has never gone away.

As I stepped down onto the floor, there was a large selection of unused lockers with double doors leading out to absolutely nowhere – the black paper on the door windows and the large padlock led me to believe that they were never used. The banging was much louder and breathing in, I shimmed along the narrow gap in the lockers to the bigger gap to the left side...Turning the corner I prepared myself for the worse.

It was the worst...I covered my hand with my mouth and backed out of the lockers, breathing picking up and my face shining like a beetroot...Holy fuck!

"Excuse me?"

I was stuck as to sprint up the stairs or to stay here and have the redhead walk towards me, I was paralyzed to the spot leaning against the banister. "I would appreciate it if you didn't say anything to anyone about this...You're lucky he came because he would be very angry at you right now!" she finished with a proud smirk, my mouth flew open as she flitted past me and climbed the stairs.

I wanted to cry from embarrassment...Swallowing the dryness in my throat...I saw him at the corner of my eye walking toward me...Did he feel as remotely awful as me right now because that would have been a huge help?

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Bella" he said simply...Nodding and relieved to find my legs again, I wasted no time in running up the stairs and back into the canteen.

"Hey you..Where have you been?" Victoria asked...I took my sandwiches and my things against my arm.

"Do you want to go to the library...It's much quieter?"

"Sure!" she replied standing up from the table and throwing away her empty wrappers and packets away into the bin on the way out...I threw my uneaten sandwiches in there – not being able to eat again after a while. Why did I have to be born with curiosity?

Why did I have to witness a Barbie giving Edward Cullen a blowjob?

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Right there...Fuck right there!"

The apology that I stupidly said to Bella this morning had sent me all the wrong signals all day and unnecessary stress...Tanya was there and I needed to have my needs met!

Emmett and Rose had been going on non-stop about her and I needed an escape, our usual place Tanya and I where no one can see us and yes...My boxers were down.

Tanya moaned against my shaft sucking me up hard and oh so good...I had to bite the insides of my mouth to keep from moaning but I was banging the lockers next to me in a need to get out the building sensations inside of me...I was going to come hard!

"Faster!" I whispered angrily as Tanya complied bobbing her head up and down me quicker – pulling me down into her throat and back up again.

Grabbing onto her hair, I released into her mouth but heard a gasp from in front of me, I shot my eyes open and found Bella Swan leaving the gap in the lockers.

FUCK ME FUCK ME FUCK ME!

"Tanya, she saw us!" I pulled my boxers and trousers back up as she stood up licked her lips and walked away through the gap, the woman's hair was beyond wild but she clearly didn't seem to care. What the fuck was I going to do, now?

Bella was going to snitch on us...This was OUR place no one ever came down here, why did she have to?

Wow the universe really hates my arse!

Folding my arms, I headed out through the narrow aisle and saw Bella leaning against the staircase her face flushed with embarrassment and her eyes transfixed on the floor.

Say something, Cullen damn you!

"I'm sorry you had to see that, Bella" I said simply feeling like a complete and utter arsehole because I had been seen doing that, thank fuck she hadn't seen all of me. If Tanya and I had gone with the original fuck against the wall in our place then she would have seen everything...There's something to be thankful for!

Bella nodded but sprinted up the stairs like a marathon runner..In my anger, I punched one of the lockers and leant my head against it.

Bella was everywhere..She lived next door...Emmett and I had a bet that involved her and now she had seen me getting sucked-off!

I hate my life!

I hate my fucking life and I hate Bella Swan! Why did she always have to be there?

And to top it off, I have biology!

FUCK MY LIFE!


	7. Passing Notes

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Relax Bella, relax for a lesson...It's nothing more, I will go home soon and scream into a pillow...Perhaps wash my eyes out with soap and disinfectant!" I whispered to myself sitting down in biology next to the other strange people on either side of me that I never seem to see anywhere else – suddenly realization hit me..I hadn't ever gone into the common room, that definitely seemed to be the place where all the commoners go!

"Settle down, let's get going with the work from yesterday...I hope that everyone took notes because if you didn't you're already behind" Mansfield was in a bad one, much like me then and there. The heat from my cheeks still hadn't subsided the temptation to go into a cemetery and bury myself alive was difficult to shift from my mind.

I took another deep breath and began to write the next set of notes, the nice thing about the class was that no one bothered to speak when Mansfield spoke...Well they needn't dare because seeing as he was a stick we may be looking at a possible decapitation or burning on our hands as a result.

As the class went on, Mansfield talking and talking and my attempt to try and keep up with the note-taking, damn my fingers were going to lock themselves together by the end of this day the second day was full of writing – why didn't I see that before? Too busy witnessing things that no one in their right minds should see, how can Cullen do that especially when there are all-females in uniform that could have heard or even seen him do that – he should count his lucky stars him and his bloody Barbie servicing him. Does the girl have no dignity? Do they care that teachers could have seen them and well...Hello suspension or even exclusion all together!

I guess some people aren't always like me or SANE!

Mansfield began explaining the anatomy of animal species in groups and out of nowhere another note the same tactic to pass it as yesterday flew in front of my eyes...Well what can it hurt to read it?

Putting my elbow on the table and using the other hand to open the note, my head down to have my hair shield what I was doing...Low and behold it was the same scrawl as yesterdays right in the middle of the paper only this time in blue ink and not black.

_Sorry about earlier, did you see anything you liked?_

_Cullen!_

Why didn't I put two and two together and realise that it was him, I was sure of one thing – Cullen may have a secret love of studying calligraphy like hell was he going to tell his bitches and bastard friends about that...Perhaps I can use it as a trick.

"Isabella Swan"

_Shit!_

Looking up from the table, I saw Mansfield storming towards me, in a quick haste to save my arse...I picked up the note, screwed it up at speed and shoved it in my mouth...Being careful not to gag it back out. "Passing notes in my lesson?" he accused standing in front of me..._Ladies and Gentleman...Say hello to the blush!_

I shook my head pushing the paper down with my tongue inside my mouth...Everyone's eyes burning into every angle of my face...I guess this was the cue for the entertainment section of the lesson all at the hands of Edward Cullen!

"Since you think it's funny to pass notes in my lesson and A-levels are clearly not important to you...Stay behind after school!"

I moaned through my closed mouth and sunk my head in my hands. "Excuse me, Mr Mansfield?"

_Cue the Cullen!_

I didn't lift my head...He was the one that sent the bloody note and now, the loser of the two gets the blame. My first detention on the second day – why did I bother going through the whole year without one when I could manage to get one two days in? That's a new record let's put it down in my scrapbook!

Damn it my mother is going to kill me!

"Yes Mr Cullen, this better be something serious if you feel the need to interrupt my lesson anymore than it already has been?"

"It wasn't Bella's fault...I passed the note" I shot up my head, he did not just take the rap for this..Why didn't he just let me go through detention by myself and have the alone time to prepare for the wrath of my own death when I got home to mum?

"How very noble of you, Mr Cullen...You will join your friend tonight, too!" I glanced at Edward who never once looked back and nodded his head and sat back down...The paper in my mouth had gotten smaller and smaller and hiding myself again, I took it out of my mouth and threw it into the bin across the room managing to get it in as Mansfield's back was turned.

Detention with Cullen!

The perks just keep on coming!

The final bell rang and whilst the other students got up and started to chatter amongst themselves and scurry out of the room...I remained in the seat wanting to kill myself once again...The teacher had disappeared into his office, probably speaking to his wife or girlfriend on the phone stating that his night was ruined thanks to the immaturity of two A-level students who really should know better – I already knew the words that Mansfield spoke, being a great teacher he makes everyone feel so small like ants threatening to get squished by a large human foot when in trouble. That's a good analogy, perhaps Cullen should pay attention to that! Damn bastard!

"Bella?"

Why is he moving over...Why is he sitting down next to me...Wow, there goes my personal bubble?

"I am so sorry...All I seem to be doing is saying that today-"

"Maybe it's best if we just don't talk" I suggested letting the right side of my hair fall across my face and hearing him sigh at the action.

"Don't do that curtain thing, Bella...Look I feel awful-"

"Listen...These things happen you know I could have the ability to go through the entire year without getting one of these and my mum is going to kill me, and second day – I have set a record!"

"You have every right to be pissed at me-"

"I am...Please leave me alone, Edward...We have lines to do and little time to do them, in!"

"Can I at least give you a lift home?"

"NO...No thank you"

I rose from my seat and moved my notebook and pencil case to the back of the room, my eyes falling on his spine but he never moving around to look at me without me seeing him – the greatest kind of escape. Five hundred lines was easy on a regular day when my hand did not feel like a paperweight...Working through the pain and blocking out the feelings in my head of different emotions, I plowed on through with my lines having an inner determination to get them all before Cullen and get the hell out of here, perhaps if I run then I can make it home on the normal time I'd get home without the detention.

As I wrote the lines, I thought about my dad...What he would think about this place because the whole rule of being good students had clearly been trodden on by the hormonal and sexual sixth-formers, well never all of them just the Cullen brothers. Did they have any other screw places, maybe an abandoned toilet or a cupboard?

My dad was always the kind of man who sorted out problems that really had nothing to do with the police but at the same time, people's responses were positive because he was trained to have the nature of a good Samaritan and I hoped to God that I could be an example to him one day and make him proud – of course, right now doesn't count because he'd probably ring Cullen by the neck because even though people respected him, what they didn't know thanks to the meaning of 'behind closed doors' was that he did have a temper on him and a real protection for my mum and I. That is what we missed, I missed the cuddles and the feel of his strong arms around me, Charlie was never much of a speaker instead showing me how he loved me and he used to do it so well. His hugs and cuddles were never the same as my mum's but both of them made me feel safe and warm.

I had managed to get to four hundred in six pages of my notebook – being away from Cullen helped me...Never will I be tempted to note-pass again, what was the point of passing them anyway I mean why couldn't people wait until the end of the lesson on break or lunchtime to tell them of their burning contents in the paper...Most of the people that pass them hang around with each other anyway...What's the deal with that?

"I hope you two are writing these out, still!" Mansfield said peering his head around the door, I looked up to him and nodded once in response and he went away again, damn man sitting in his office filtering his boredom through the use of a TV or computer.

Speeding up my hand, sentence after sentence...I got to the four hundred and fifty mark...I only had fifty more...Come on, Swan..Come on!

"Hey dude!"

Looking up from the paper at the next distraction, Emmett Cullen was standing there...Edward had already looked up his way. "What are you doing here, Em?"

"I should be asking you the same question...I have been all over looking for you..What the fuck are you doing in here...Oh hi Bella" he finished waving at me with a smile...I lowered my head only making the decision to listen to their conversation...Well, not conversation more like a near argument building like a erupting volcano.

"I have detention-"

"What the fuck for?"

"Just something I did...I dragged Bella into it as well"

"Dude...Why didn't you do something to get her out of here?"

"Kind of difficult Em, seeing as I am in here as well...If this is about a lift home you're going to have to wait until I finish these-"

"Lines...Holy hell no wonder I didn't bother with this dumb-arse subject I mean what does 'I shouldn't pass notes in class' have to do with biology, anyway?"

"Hello Mr Cullen" I shot my head up to see Mansfield standing behind Emmett, obviously in earshot of the slating of his subject...I bit down on my lip to keep from laughing at the look of horror on Emmett's face, the realisation hitting him that he may have to write out lines as well.

"Hey Mr Mansfield...How are you doing?" Emmett turned on the spot holding out his fist to our teacher, I rolled my eyes and Em chuckled nervously taking his fist back.

"My students are in detention...Get out or you will have to write out five hundred lines as well" Mansfield threatened.

"Yes, sir!" Emmett answered enunciating each word and then walked out of the room. Sometimes the Cullen brothers really were stupid, Emmett much more than Edward that much already I was certain of.

I sighed and finished the last twenty lines my hand now in a deep state of numbness and stinging pain and shot up from my seat taking the seven pieces of paper and putting them into Mansfield's hand...I wasn't waiting for him to count them because I had done that, myself and ran back to the table taking my things and bounding through the corridor as fast as my legs could carry me.

"BELLA!"

Why won't he just leave me alone...Doesn't he have barbies to screw behind lockers, somewhere? "Wait a minute, Bella"

I reached the sixth-form corridor and my locker, taking the key out of my pencil case and opening it wasting no time in hauling my bag over my shoulder and locking the door behind me. "Bella?"

"What...What do you want?" I exclaimed, at my last tether with him, today...If I wasn't around him I was surrounded by talk of him, he was a constant appearance in my daily school life a bad odour hanging around with no hope of air freshener to destroy them.

"Can I give you a lift...You'll get home quicker?"

"No...I appreciate the offer but seriously I am going to be okay, shouldn't there be more people for you to give lifts to like your brother?"

"He always gives me lifts!"

Great one brother...Give me another one! Groaning, I turned away from them and down the stairs making my way to the reception. "At least let my brother do this, Bella...It's raining and you don't have a coat-"

Nicely observed, Emmett Cullen would you like a medal to put on your wall and a special certificate to show your mummy? What was it about these two that always brought out the worst in me?

"I'm fine!"

"Bella-"

"LOOK...I DON'T NEED A LIFT...I DON'T NEED APOLOGIES...WHAT I NEED IS FOR YOU TWO TO LEAVE ME ALONE BECAUSE I CAN'T...BREATHE!"

I hadn't meant to shout but the pressure and anger was too much and the boiling had come to a click and there was nothing else for me to do but to run out of the corridor leaving the two men who irritated me so much in the corridor looking dumfounded and a little shocked at my outburst but I didn't care about them...I never had done.

It was a nice change walking out of the main entrance of an empty carpark...The only car left being the infamous silver Volvo that I'd know absolutely anywhere..The walk was needed to clear my head, I was about ten minutes late at the moment and if I could walk fast enough I may be around twenty five minutes and have to use the excuse of catching up with extra work to my mum. Mobile phones were allowed in the sixth-form but of course, we had no money to have that so I cannot be getting detentions because my mum already panics far too much about little things. Now, walking home from school on my own is not something that she fears but not coming home, does...I know, mum is one of a kind!

To escape the possibility of having a Volvo sneak up on me, a déjà-vu moment from yesterday re-lived once more, I cut through from the main road through the country wood routes back to y house, it was a little more daunting because of the time of day getting closer to night and the lack of people walking around.

_Suck it up, Bella nothing could be worse than today!_

"Where have you been, honey?" mum asked me opening the door, I was slowing down my breathing...managing to fill out the twenty five minute mark and use the excuse..Sometimes things can work out...Just as I was about to answer, Esme appeared in the doorway and gave me a warm smile...Even in my own home I can never escape a Cullen!

"Hello Bella" I smiled and ran a hand through my hair.

"Esme came around for lunch...She didn't have any appointments and so we had a little trip down memory lane...baby pictures!"

"Ugh...Mum please tell me you're joking?"

"Of course not, get in here...Esme brought ones of Edward and Emmett!"

I think I have seen enough of Edward Cullen!

"I am going to take a shower" I lied thinking of some kind of excuse...Running up the stairs, I walked into my bedroom and grabbed one of my cushions from my bed and threw it against the wall with a loud groan...I wanted to cry and punch the wall at the exact same time.

A knocking in the direction of my window...I opened my blind and found Edward Cullen staring back at me...Did he not give up? Pushing my sash window up to reveal his face and also the top of the ladder he was standing on, he looked at me bit down on his lip and I stepped out of the way so that he could climb into my room.

"There better be a good reason for this, Cullen" I warned him, my arms folded at my chest and my stance strong. No shower for the moment!

"What is it going to take for me to be a friend, Bella?"

"Excuse me?"

"You're interesting...I mean, forgetting what happened today and how much of an idiot I must have come across to you-"

"You argue with me...You stare at me when you think I am not looking like some crazed serial killer and you and your brother treat me like shit, switching your attitudes towards me whenever your moods suit you-"

"Exactly why I can see why you wouldn't want to be friends-"

"Do you have a death wish, Cullen...Explain to me why after you found out my dad has died there has been nothing but niceness and apologies?"

"It's nothing to do with that-"

"Really, I find that hard to believe...Perhaps we can take the much better option, we won't go anywhere near one another and prevent any of this shit happening again-"

"Okay"

"Okay?"

"If that's what you want then, I understand...I won't talk to you, again" Edward finally said before ducking to go back out of the window and climb down the ladder...I watched him in awe, did he just do that...Agree with what I wanted?

Okay, I needed a shower and fast!

My head was going into unknown territory and before long, Cullen at least one of them was going to be the death of me!

Or at least my one way ticket to a psychiatric hospital!


	8. Emotional Jumps

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

**Wednesdays:** _Double French –F2 Miss Hughes_

_Double English Literature – E6 Miss Osborn_

_Double Free – Independent study_

First lesson with the outcasts and Tor, secondly English literature with Cullen – making the mental note to not speak up in class unless asked by Miss Osborn because fighting was too exhausting and I needed to find a way to break free from the feelings that both the brothers brought out in me – with a little determination, I could find a way to live my life without them in it – damn this is where I need a friend like Victoria in all of my lessons...I can stand my ground but at the same time, having friends reaps benefits I mean come on, no matter how much I try to avoid them there they'll be...In front of me, pushing my buttons – something that they seem to do so well!

"Wow, you really have turned into a thinker!" Tor had timing, that I was strangely thankful for because I spout that I do not have a care for the Cullen's but I never seem to be able to pick them out of my head...They are everywhere and next door to where I live, I can only be safe without my mum speaking to Esme or my blind drawn from the peering eagle eyes of the younger Cullen.

"It's been a long week" I admitted...Feeling a little bashful about being so silent and ignoring my friend next to me as we stood outside the French room for our teacher to emerge and let us in.

"What happened yesterday that had you all in a tithy...Anyone would think you'd seen a ghost on your travels or something-" believe me a ghost would be a welcomed sight to something like that...Thing is, do I tell my friend who has a secret crush on the arsehole that he was being pleasured by another sixth-form hussy that she probably has on her dartboard back at her home – any sane person would throw darts at her, the desirable option is to throw darts at her in real life and not just her picture! Oh happy days!

"Nothing really important-"

"With a blush like that?"

"I hate that damn blush, it always ends up being my downfall when trying to keep my cool in an awkward situation-"

"I think it's cute, rosiness is the sign of healthy skin!"

"Yeah you don't have to live with it...Thank God we haven't got Weighill...You know I can still picture those eyes of the cat staring into my soul knowing that there is an inner hatred in there from the human"

"Bella...You think too much about things...Whatever happened to the saying 'take each day as it comes'?"

"Spontaneity is not my thing, Tor no matter how much I may try and wish I could be free sometimes and do as I please"

"Perhaps that can be the learning curve because we have another year of this!"

"Don't remind me"

"Bonjour la classe entre sil vous plait?" Mrs Hughes interrupted our conversation…There Tor and I were right at the front of the line looking somewhat enthusiastic to escape from the English language and indulge into French but the only sole reason we were at the front was because the outcasts hung at the back pinned to the wall like voodoo dolls...If they weren't so against speaking to anyone outside of their own crowd there is a possibility that I may like them but some dreams cannot be – the dream of acceptance being my own at the present time.

Tor and I sat down at our table...She sighed contently and took out her own notebook "so, I saw you leave school late last night...Did you get detention?"

"Where were you?"

"In the library, the dance teacher wanted me to compose a choreography for the show at Christmas but after researching contemporary dance, I refused"

"Oh...Damn if I'd have known...I'd have come and seen you...Believe me, I needed a friendly face"

"Were you in detention?"

"Yeah, Mansfield"

"Wow he's a toughie...How did you manage that?"

"Long story..Let's just say it involved a note that ended up in my mouth-"

"Okay let's not go into that, then"

"Would you two like to discuss what it is you're speaking of?" Hughes spoke to Tor and I, swallowing I thought of a quick lie.

"Sorry miss, Victoria wanted to know what page of the textbooks we were supposed to be looking at" hell, I took a shot considering I cannot lie to save my life this one was surprisingly easy.

"Very well but please be quiet when I am teaching-"

"Okay"

"Smooth" Tor commented under her breath, I smiled and began to write down the criteria for the lesson in my notebook...Until the teachers gave us our coursework assignments all we could do was make notes to go in them and get a better grade at the end...Coursework was much easier than actual exams but I was good at both of them, naturally so academically I was never going to have a problem with these AS levels but the social theme of the year was going to be the obstacle to face – keeping a lid on my emotions and my mind on the work, ahead..Mum had high hopes for me and I had high hopes for myself...I could not allow someone like Cullen to ruin my dreams and hopes for the future...I just couldn't.

The lesson went on in silence for the rest of the double period, a few difficulties in the language barrier because studying GCSE and getting an A grade in it did not for one minute make a student fluent in the language...There was still some words to find out and to try and speak as confidently as I could the others. Bella Swan could do it!

Victoria was a much needed distraction of what was really going around in my head...Its a shame that there was a reality of being with Cullen in the next for a double but the choice to go home after my tutor had taken the register for the afternoon was a God-send. On any normal day perhaps in the middle of the year home was not going to be an option because all my work is done the day is set but it was the third day of the year, all my notes were correct and so there was no need to meet a deadline set months from now inhumanely early.

Home...Home...It sounded so good!

French was over quickly and smoothly, the small break time to keep on talking with Victoria before we had to part for different lessons...I pulled my notes from the lesson this morning in my wallet in my bag – already I had wallets for my four separate subjects to prevent any loss of work for assignments and everything else to do with the education in this time in the century.

I gazed at Victoria as she locked her gaze behind my head at the other end of the corridor, her eyes looked mysterious but the rest of her face was in deep concentration and thought...Frowning and curious at the same time I turned to the direction of where she was looking and found Edward and his Barbie walking down the corridor on their own...I looked away before his eyes made contact with mine...Zipping back up the wallet in my bag I closed the door and turned the key.

"I don't know why you waste your time on him...You can have so much better!" I commented Tor's eyes never turning away from Edward – the sound of the common room door opening filled the corridor and moments later it closed and Tor sighed leaning against the locker next to mine. "No way, how will I be able to find anyone as handsome as him?"

"Handsomeness is nothing, personality is worth ten times more than looks-"

"Why would he be interested in my mind?"

"Not when he is surrounded by girls like that-"

"I hate them, but there is a part of me that wants so much to be like them...To be on Edward Cullen's arm all day everyday-"

"Not to mention giving him useless fucks-"

"What?"

Swallowing, registering my slip up from speaking from my mind without thinking...I cleared my throat to distract the topic from Victoria's mind "I mean come on, Tor...There are much nicer people out there perhaps the guys that decide to read a book in the corner instead of join in the latest gossip and hoo-hah"

"Geeks?"

"I hate the word 'geek' it's so American...There is nothing wrong with people who want to make a better life for themselves and get out of this hell hole!"

At the worst time, when the need to carry on this conversation surrounded my mind the bell rang for the next double period and I groaned placing my locker key back in my pencil case and rubbing Tor's shoulder before walking away from her down the corridor and down to the English department.

Hello to the world of 'Wuthering Heights'!

"Now I do not usually do this, instead allow everyone to be familiar with the book, first but all of you have shown some knowledge of the plot and so...As some of you in here may learn more visually than others who are more kinetic and can listen to me harp on and on..I have set up the film of the latest version of Wuthering Heights to help all of you see how the characters are visualised...As always film adaptations are never completely accurate to the book...It is an idea"

Perfect...Twice this woman has become my saviour trust me when I say that if she was not my teacher I'd give her a big sloppy kiss in my thanks...The room went dark as the teacher turned off the lights and she floated over to the TV screen and turned on the player...In honesty as much as watching a film was handy in my state of mind – the darkness was not a welcome situation because the room seemed much more strange in darkness.

The film came on, the Yorkshire moors filling up the screen...I slouched back on my seat to make myself more comfortable. I loved period films; mum was not a fan of TV in general so I did not have the opportunity to watch things for my own enjoyment for escapism and so books was the only way I can get out of real life and into another world of some of the most beautiful characters ever written.

Mrs Osborn began to hum as she started to mark some books on her desk – of course she must have seen this version I suppose English teachers have a duty to learn all sides of a book so that they can fluently inspire minds of younger people thirsting for knowledge.

I turned to the left and saw Edward's eyes on mine, the green glowing from the light on the screen..I frowned and shook my head turning away – he seriously had a problem and this story made me emotional and fighting back the tears was going to be a challenge because even though Cathy and Heathcliff were so very selfish – my heart broke for him when he lost the love of his life..Losing my dad was enough to shed my tears even now but someone who had a strong loving bond, two people who would go to the ends of the earth and back for one another and have an eternal connection – that is something special and sometimes life cannot be so rosy like the fairytales we grow up with. Death is a part of life and real life sucks at the best of times.

*(An hour later)*

I was in complete awe of the actor portraying Heathcliff, he had his character down to a tee almost like he himself had been in the book when it was written at the very first draft...He cradled Cathy on her deathbed like she was the most important thing in the world and the struggle to be strong and not to show his emotion was breaking my heart...In front of Cathy he cried for everything that they had before Linton came along and how much they still both love each other despite the world they live in and how different paths they lead.

A tear escaped my eye as Heathcliff leant over Cathy's grave and said my favourite quotation in the book his voice breaking from his tears...Wiping it away, the darkness making the whole thing a little easier to deal with – knowing my luck I was going to be the only sap crying at this and it wasn't even real they were actors getting paid but hell they were good! Money well spent!

Before I could get rid of the wetness in my eyes, the end credits rolled and Osborn emerged and rose from her chair to turn on the lights...I rubbed my eyes hard with the back of my sleeve to get rid of the evidence. The emotions from the film filtering through me and bringing my father back to me and how I felt when he died – that emptiness and realisation that life was never going to be the same, again. At least Heathcliff decided to kill himself and be with the one he loved, I was never going to see my father, again and it took a film to make all those feelings come straight back.

The lights came on and the groans could be heard from the class as to the strain in our eyes.

"Bella, are you alright...It's nice to see someone have a soul!" Mrs Osborn commented, covering my mouth..I grabbed my bag off the floor and my things off of the desk and ran out of the room, ignoring the stares from my fellow classmates and went out into the corridor, not wanting to get another punishment from another teacher leaving their class abruptly, I leant against the wall and took out a tissue from my bag and wiped my nose feeling so humiliated by my need to release my emotions because no one had any idea about why I had made such a show, apart from Cullen thanks to my blabbermouth of a mother.

"Bella...Is everything okay?" Osborn came out, I took a deep breath and attempted to show that everything was fine but my heart felt so heavy.

"Sorry, miss...It brought back some things for me" there was no point in lying honesty is the best policy sometimes.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"It's only my dad, he died but really I don't want any sympathy because I can work-"

"You are one of the best in the class and someone only has to look at your previous achievements to know that you are a hard worker. The lesson is almost over, anyway...Why don't you go and have some lunch and clean your face"

"Thank you"

With a nod, Osborn went back into the classroom...I fished for my rolls out of my bag and took one look at them and threw them away in the bin beside me, I never wanted to eat especially when I felt so drained...If only there was a way that I could go home before registration but poor attendance was never going to be a desirable thing to have on a record, either. A good college always looks at the little details, even a university too for later on and further study depending on what is out there for me.

Victoria may have been waiting in the canteen but I didn't want to be seen, instead searching the school for a decent place to be...I decided on the library walking in and taking out a classical literature book of course one that I had read before so that I may be able to keep an eye on the time...There was no point in living real life when there are books to take everything away. Sniffing, I sat down on an empty table and opened the book letting my bag fall to the floor.

This was going to be a long lunch!

The day seemed to have gone in little snippets, this lesson, that lesson, break, another lesson, yet another lesson, lunch and then thank God registration, after Miss Meyer had acknowledged my attendance and marked me in for the afternoon which was unfortunately compulsory to stop truancy...I walked out of the school as fast as my legs could carry me...My bag flailing about on my shoulder like nobody's business.

There will be no Volvo thank Christ! I had not said one word to him, what an achievement...Besides if I can do it for today then I can do it on other days as well for as long as I want. There was a reason to pat myself on the back if I was not in such a hurry to get back to the safety and privacy of my own room and my beautiful bed.

Walking through the woodlands became less and less daunting each passing day and the week wasn't even over yet! I had more time to become accustomed to my daily route anyway it was good for my body and health, never being a fitness addict like my father but getting the daily exercise I needed.

I was half-way into the shelter of the trees when I was halted on my tracks by a dog who had jumped on top of me, startling me off of my own feet my back crashing onto the floor as the dog licked my face...I couldn't hold away the giggles, the giggles of the day it felt nice to laugh after crying.

"Nellie...Oh Nellie, come here!" the dog scampered away from me and I looked up at the man coming into view over me. "Oh I am so sorry" he added holding out his hand...Taking it I hopped up to standing, brushing myself down...The ground was dry so things could have been worse.

"Are you hurt?" at the stranger's question, I looked at him and shook my head.

"No...I needed a dry ground...She's beautiful" I replied bending down and opening my arms, the dog which in vision was a gorgeous golden retriever her fur the colour of the sun and her face so cute...I did love dogs, even though my father had not been a fan at all.

The dog rubbed it's wet nose along my arm panting deeply from her jump on me and rested her head against the palm of my hand as I stroked her face. "Wow, I have never seen her take to anyone so much!" the man exclaimed.

"How can anyone not love...Wait, did you say Nellie?"

"Yes, she's Nellie"

"How old is she?"

"Two"

"Oh she's still a little baby, then" I beamed at the dog who licked my nose...Bringing another giggle from my stomach and out my mouth.

"So...Where do you live?" I asked him, the standing up and watching Nellie circle around my legs.

"Devon Avenue...Just down that way"

"I was heading that way..I live in Sparepenny Close"

"That's the road next to mine...What's your name?"

"Bella"

"I'm Seth...I am a student at the Bradbourne and Wildernesse sixth-form"

"No way...So am I..Why haven't I seen you around?"

"Well, I tend to keep to myself and the common room has some nice walls to lean against-"

"Oh that is why...I never go in there. Wow, it's nice to see someone else from the school who does not feel the need to stare at me"

"You're new?"

"Yes...Well, I better get going...It was nice to meet you"

"Oh by the way...I am not skipping school...I only had lessons this morning and that was at Wildernesse..In case you feel the need to snitch on me" he said with a smile, he was joking.

"No problem...I shall see you around...Bye Nellie"

I walked away from Seth in a better frame of mind...Can I venture a guess and hope to make another friend..Two was enough for me to last the two years.

_Forget about school, Bella...Bed...Bed...Bedroom...Privacy that is all that's waiting for me now!_


	9. Knocking Doors

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Em, where are you!"

I shouted to my brother up the stairs, not being able to get home as quickly as I'd have liked from the witnessing of Bella Swan's tears at 'Wuthering Heights' I mean, fair enough the story is sad but no one in the class showed as much emotion as she did and honestly, I felt like I wanted to go out and make sure that she was okay...But come on, after what had already gone down between the two of us and my own intentions of winning a bet my only sole reason to try and make her feel better – it was never going to be a good idea to go anywhere near her. I had made a promise to stay away from her and her from me which she was doing remarkably well in her own defence. Emmett was probably planning something else and some other way of getting her to talk to him and I could not allow myself to allow him to do it. Emmett's real reason was the same as mine, the use of comfort at least pretence comfort to get her to speak and form an out-of body attraction and frankly impossible one because she had never liked us since the day we saw her coming out of the moving van.

"What?" Emmett shouted coming down the stairs, Rosalie must have already given him a lift home..it's nice to see that she had taken the initiative and taken her car for a change, saves me some petrol money at least even if it is only a small amount.

"Nice to see you got home, alright" I commented, slouching down on the sofa.

"Yeah no thanks to you...What happened, today?"

"Some mess with Mansfield to clear up"

The reason I had gone to Mansfield at the end of the school day is to remind him that Bella was not the type of person to pass notes...I still do not know what made me do it – witnessing her so upset and on the verge of a breakdown sent unknown messages to my soul and, a part of me did feel for her in the strangest way because the tears she shed were no way for the actors on the screen, death was a part of her life and losing her father must have taken it's toll watching a death scene like that and the feelings of the actors must have triggered something inside of her. The biology teacher was sceptical and it took much needed persuasion that I was the person responsible for that note and he after a while agreed and thought it was very 'manly' of me to go and talk to him about – yeah well he better not expect it to be an every day occurrence because there will be no need to pass Bella notes, anymore the look in her eyes during the darkness of the English room as the film was on was enough to get the hint to steer away from her. The bet could not go on.

"What do you want?" Emmett groaned sitting down on the chair opposite me.

"Sorry to put you off your next lay, Emmett but the bet's off!"

"Come again?"

"I can't do the bet...It's stupid and we are going to end up doing some serious damage-"

"You choose right now to be sentimental and think of someone else...Do you ever think about how Tanya feels when you use her purely to give you head and nothing for her...Can you tell me you have never gone down on her?"

"That's not what I do!"

"No you make bets and then, when things get a little hard for you...You back off!"

"Emmett...I am offering you seven hundred quid on the spot to take all for yourself any sane person would let that one pass-"

"What was the point...We were going to do this, together-"

"When you mention Tanya, do you ever think about how Rosalie feels about this whole bet...Basically cheating on her to win some money-"

"She doesn't care-"

"Has she told you, that?"

"No but I know Rose-"

"Emmett...Listen, you and Rose are more than Tanya and I could ever be...I can't even go down on the girl and come on Rose has gone the whole way with you-"

"So?"

"So does that not tell you that there may be something more for her when it comes to you?"

"This is Rosalie-"

"Rosalie is a woman, a young one but a woman all the same and even though sometimes she may not act like it...She is capable of feelings true feelings, Em-"

"This is all a ploy to get me away from the bet so you can swoop in isn't it little bro?"

"Why would I waste my time, if I wanted the bet to continue then do you think I'd be sitting here talking to you-"

"Explain to me what happened today to make you change your mind because something must have gone down...Or heaven forbid are you actually falling for the virgin swan?"

"Emmett you are many things and clever is not one of them..This has nothing to do with how I feel...I want to finish it because Bella is still going through grief-"

"When has grieving ever fucking stopped you before?"

"It was wrong...To agree to this I mean we are destroying an innocent girl and she is not like other girls that are around us-"

"You do like her...Wow, Eddie I didn't know you had it in you-"

"Emmett for the last time, take the seven hundred and perhaps take Rose away somewhere-"

"Edward you're scaring me, since when did you get so sentimental?"

"Can I win this argument because if you're not going to listen to me then I may as well shut up, now?"

"Not a chance, it's still on Edward I am not going to let you back away from this!"

"Fine then I will let you win-"

"To HELL you will...This is for us, Edward...Think about what will happen when one of us or even both of us achieve this task – this is not about the money, this is about what achieving the money and reputation will give us"

"Is that all you think about?"

"Sometimes to get to the top, you need to hurt people along the way...That's the way of life, bro!"

~~**~Bella~**~~

*(Next morning)*

**Thursdays:** _Double Biology – S7 Mr Mansfield_

_Double Mathematics – M8 Mrs Weighill_

_Social Studies/Citizenship – B9 – Ms Meyer_

_Single Free – Independent Study_

"I'll get it!"

Mum was busy upstairs doing...Well, I didn't actually know what she was doing and the sound of the doorbell had startled the packing of my school bag for the day. Bounding down the stairs and taking my hair out of the ponytail I had for taking a shower after waking up...I opened the door and found Seth smiling back at me.

"I knew I'd find you!"

"How exactly did you find me?" I asked, smiling back at him in return.

"Let's just say I am not a favourite amongst all your neighbours at the moment-"

"You knocked on every door?"

"Yes, you forgot to say which house you lived in...Anyway I thought you might want a lift to school?"

"Is that wise, I mean we hardly know each other-"

"Sorry, I don't mean to be forward...I just wondered because you live so close and you have no car-"

"Seth, it's cool...Thank you that'll be really nice...Come in for a second, let me just get my bag" stepping to one side, he stepped inside my house coming to a stand-still just beside the front door as I closed it.

"Bella who is it, darling?" mum had already emerged from the stairs...Oh god she is so going to put two and two together and in the mind of my mother that means, say hello to Bella's boyfriend! "I am sorry, I do not believe we have met-"

_I barely know the guy, anyway mum!_

"Mum this is Seth, I met him on the way home yesterday...He has offered to give me a lift to school-"

"That is very nice of you, Seth...Where abouts do you live?"

"Devon Avenue"

"Thank goodness you have not had a long drive, then...So are you studying for AS levels too?"

"No I am doing A2 levels...It's my last year"

I sprinted up the stairs, not wanting to leave my mum to get the low-down on the guy that both she and I had only just met for too long because the embarrassing questions will start and no doubt the planning of our wedding. Grabbing my bag as fast as possible, I closed my blinds to keep the Cullen from gazing in at my room and climbed down the stairs.

"It was very nice to meet you, Seth...You kids have a good day" mum finished turning to me and kissing my cheek before walking back up the stairs.

Sighing, I stepped out of the front door and closed it behind me..."I'm sorry about that, she tends to talk too much sometimes" I said to Seth walking to his car.

"That's no problem, it's nice to have someone older to talk to besides your parents, sometimes" Seth replied opening the door for me and letting me hop in, before I placed my foot inside his car...Something caught my eye.

Edward Cullen was there staring at me leaning against his silver Volvo, wow this was going to produce all kinds of rumours but then again, I didn't care let him say what the hell he wants to – only Seth and I will ever know the truth. Wanting to smile but forcing it away from the corners of my mouth..I climbed in and closed the door fastening my seat belt.

"A friend of yours?" he asked me climbing in and doing up his own seat belt.

"Believe me, he is no friend of mine"

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Aren't you going to say anything to me for being unusually early this morning, bro?" Emmett exclaimed his words falling on my deaf ears as the car that Bella had only just got into drove away and out of the road. "Who was that with Bella?" he asked coming to a halt beside me.

"No idea..He looks like that Clearwater guy in your year?"

"Seth...No way, he is on the football team with me...He only has one subject at the girls school-"

"Anyway, let's get going-"

"Now bro it is not the end of the world...So we have a new guy to compete with...Makes it all the more fun!"

"Whatever...Just get in" I said, climbing into the car and turning the key into the ignition...This morning's biology lesson was not going to be so normal now that I had witnessed a new friendship...There was me thinking that Swan will never be able to obtain any friends outside of the loser circle but she had already proven me wrong.

Silly cow, Seth was the same kind of guy as Emmett...I mean, like Emmett AND I he will only hurt her and she will have to go back to her one true friend.

I was a fine one to talk...Making a bet against her, perhaps this Clearwater may have real intentions towards her and it might be a good thing to have that happen because then this bet can be all forgotten about and everyone can get back to living their lives.

There was still a small part of me that would pay big bucks to see her crash and fall on her face!

Then again, what do I know about anything to do with her?

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Thanks for the lift, Seth!" I said appreciatively climbing out of Seth's car and putting my bag over my shoulder.

"No problem...What time do you finish, today?"

"I have a single free last thing so probably around half two...Why?"

"Well, I have football practise and it's at the boys school, you're welcome to come by...I'll bring Nellie especially for you before training begins"

"That's nice of you to offer but, I think I'll pass...There is still some jobs left to do in my house"

"Alright well, I'll see you later, then"

"Yeah...Thanks again" I closed the door and he drove away...I walked towards the main reception but Tor was already making her way towards me, smiling and glad to see her once again she put her hands on my shoulders.

"Please tell me you were not just getting out of Seth Clearwater's car?"

"What?"

"Seth...He's one of the football players, I mean he is not part of the Cullen crowd but I hear he is very friendly with Emmett Cullen-"

"So?"

"You usually walk to school...Sorry, I am not assuming anything Bell I just found it strange to see you with him that's all"

"I bumped into him...Actually, I bumped into his dog on my way home last night and he lives near me and offered me a lift...Even though I love the walk, it seemed rude to say no"

"That was nice of him"

"Come on, let's get inside...Before anyone else makes any assumptions-"

"I wasn't I swear!"

"I know...I'm just teasing"

Tor punched me lightly on the arm and linked her arm around mine as we walked the rest of the way to the reception doors and into the school towards our lockers. "So anyway, the dance teacher is still badgering me to do the show-"

"Why don't you do it...If it gets her off of your back..Why did she ask you, anyway?"

"One of the other teachers let slip that I used to get trained outside of school in dance and so now...I am left with the brunt of having to decline time after time...Turns out teachers do like to talk"

"That's no news to me"

"How are you going to face Mansfield after your detention the other day?"

"I am not worried about it, I just make sure it never happens again and so having him teach me for the rest of the year will not be so taxing"

"Good plan"

"Thanks" I smiled opening up my locker and taking out my Biology wallet. "What's worse, we have Weighill"

"I know, believe me...I was so tempted to dive into a huge pool of holy water in preparation...I mean, if she wasn't so weird she may be nice-"

"Yes, well I have a feeling that she may be nice to the right people and the people who are already friendly linked to her...Teachers and students must not become friends, how can they?"

"True...Oh why does he always have to come down here when we are, I swear it's like he stalks us...Not that I'm complaining though" I didn't have to turn around to know who Tor was talking about..._Believe me, I would not put Cullen past stalking if he was in the right frame of mind!_

"Anyway, there are more important things" I closed my locker and locked it hurriedly before walking down the opposite way avoiding the glance that he seemed to point my way without finding any need to use actual words to make me feel so damn uncomfortable!

"Is there no one that you like here?"

"No...I don't see over half the people...Anyway, crushes cause too much emotion for one person especially a one-sided one, too much drama"

"Well, never disallow yourself the possibility of a boyfriend, Bell...One may come along without you even realising"

Ignoring Tor's remark, we said our goodbye's as we went the separate ways to our lessons..The bell hadn't gone and so being earlier for Mansfield's lesson may make him forget the unfortunate ordeal of having to watch me eat paper in his classroom. There was no line, outside and immediately panic surged through my system...Had our lesson been moved? Was there a notice on the sixth-form notice board that I wouldn't see because I do not go in there?

"Miss Swan?"

Turning towards the office, Mansfield stood up from his seat and motioned for me to go towards him with an index finger; swallowing the dryness in my throat...I walked into the office. "Close the door, please?" he asked me...I turned on the spot and closed the door leaving only the two of us left in the office. HELP!

"No need to look so afraid, Bella...You are not in any trouble...Come and sit down for a minute?"

At his unusual request, I sat down opposite him...Careful not to make eye-contact with him and make my butterflies worse in my stomach.

"I just hope that there will not be another reason to make me give you detention, it was a punishment that could have been avoided seeing as you were not the person who sent the note...I have been notified of this and so...In the future I would like for you not to get distracted by others because you seem like a bright girl"

"Oh...I am sorry again about that, sir-"

"No need to apologise...Just make sure it never happens again"

"I will"

"Good...Well, seeing as you are already here...I suppose I shall let you in" I rose from the seat and followed my teacher out of the office door and into the classroom taking my seat and wallowing over my confusion in my head.

Was he just being nice to me?

~~**~Edward~**~~

*(Two hours later)*

Biology was a bitch, Mansfield taking the need to gaze at me at every opportune moment and check to ensure that I was not passing notes to Bella Swan, this is what happens when you end up being fucking truthful cue the magnifying glass and watch the ant burn!

The bell could not have gone quick enough...Watching Bella quiet as anything scribble down frantically on her notebook and never once looking my way..Hell why would she? I had been keeping Tanya at arm's length all morning not in the need for her suggestions of being alone – one day some teenager was going to see us and snitch and goodbye to my last chance of educating at this school. Watching my dad's reaction and have him go through the lecture about how schooling is important to go into HIS business which I'd rather burn myself in acid than have to work at...I didn't need it.

As the bell rang, I gathered my things and in a need to get out of there all I could do was groan at the slowpokes going out of the door...Bella's little friend was there waiting for her and as I got closer and closer to them, I was able to hear a part of their conversation.

"What are you doing, tonight?" her little friend asked her.

"I might be going somewhere"

"Where?"

"I was invited to go and watch Seth play and what is another hour of my time at least it is not in here"

_What the hell...Did she just say what I think she said!_

_The virgin swan going to watch the football team including my brother play?_

_Not possible!_


	10. Tapping Footballs

***I just want to take the time to thank EVERYONE who has added this to FAVs...Alerts and also left reviews...It means SO much***

**I think the question on everyone's minds is whether or not Seth is a 'nice', genuine guy – any other thoughts or assumptions feel free to let me know, I always love to hear what people think might happen!**

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Nellie!"

My favourite dog in the whole world came bounding up to me as I used my mum's raincoat to sit down on the far hill up to the woodlands behind me, away from all of the other boys who came to watch – I could make out the players but on first glance there were far too many boys than girls here and I want to keep on blending in rather than sticking out like a sore thumb. Nellie rested her head on my lap and panted from her sprint over to me...I stroke her head and used my mother hand to stroke her tummy as she lay there, happily with me watching her owner do his thing on the field.

Football had never appealed to me – I didn't want to go this morning because of the reason that Seth and I had only just met but, he made me laugh and we could talk about the most ridiculous things and make them interesting – he was similar to me, he was easily amused but he did not at the moment seem to have a bad temper or anything to put me off from being his friend. We were both becoming fast friends and of course, he had a gorgeous dog and Nellie could be my playmate for hours and boredom would never make an appearance.

"Hey...You came!" Seth bounded over to me, the other players were stretching and chatting amongst themselves...As I scanned the players I couldn't help but recognise a certain older Cullen looking over at me questioningly, sometimes I do wander what him and his brother's problem was...Was it wrong of me to have friends at all?

"Yeah" I answered, Seth knelt down and stroked Nellie "aw girl you have found your home, now haven't you!" he added kissing her head. "Thanks"

"You're welcome...Moving boxes didn't seem to balance up"

"This is only training so if all of us keep our eyes on the ball...Then we should be done, quickly and I can take you home-"

"There's no rush...But you may want to tell Emmett Cullen to stop looking this way...Otherwise I may have to set my new friend on him!"

"As tempting as that may be for you..Nellie can't hurt anything or anyone it's not in her DNA"

"Damn...It did sound so good!"

"Emmett is your next door neighbour isn't he?"

"Are you friends with him?"

"Not so much friends...Because let's be honest, his friends are only the people who hang around with him but we do talk in training and in matches-"

"Having him as a neighbour is not so much fun-"

"How come?"

"I don't know, him and his younger brother never seem to stop staring at me...Honestly, I want to not give a damn about it but a small part of me gets bothered by it-"

"Don't worry about it...Emmett is only happy when he has his crowd around him and none of them are here – naturally he'd be uneasy"

"Yeah I guess" I replied smiling at how nice he was being about the reality that I had completely bitched about someone he may of had a decent conversation with from time to time about manly and masculine things that someone like me would never understand. I did not mean to be mean about someone who he might like but the Cullen's made me angry – more so than I had ever been in my life.

"I better get going, coach with have my nuts for his wife's earrings if he sees me here, oh and there is a water tap just behind you in case Nellie needs a little drink...I normally leave it on but I got into trouble for it-"

"Sure, no problem...I have a bottle of water in my coat anyway"

"Thank you"

Seth smiled widely at me before running back to the pitch...I sighed and kissed Nellie on the head waiting for the whistle to indicate the start of the game.

~~**~Edward~**~~

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Okay perhaps it was a little strange, oh fuck it impossible that I was there bounding up to the football pitch in my old school to my older brother who was just as surprised as I was – it was a whim decision...Bella said she was going to be here and I was more interested in seeing her watching football for what may be the first time in her life – this Seth guy was clever to make her watch something like this outside of her own interests. Bella Swan did not strike anyone as a sport lover – instead being the more clumsy and independent book-type. This was going to be a great thing to see!

"Bella Swan is here watching football...I am trying to figure out why I am here, myself!" I replied running my hands through my hair tugging at my roots with how ridiculous this was as well as battling the need to run away and drive home.

"For a guy who claims he has no interest in the virgin on the bank over there, you don't have a good way of showing it-"

"There is always a chance for me to see my elder brother play!"

"Mate – you've never been to one of my games!"

"So...A first time for everything!"

"Bullshit!"

"Enough of your chatting and get playing, Rooney!" I spotted Bella on the bank, a Golden retriever resting on her lap enjoying the feel of her fingers on it's fur...Slowly, I walked up there studying her face to gauge her reaction – would she be pleased to see me, or set the dog on me to chew my shaft to pieces it seemed to be so in tune with her almost like her own.

Her eyes locked with mine, as she looked away shooting her eyes away from mine after a millisecond and continued to pay attention to the dog with her two hands her eyes flitting from each player possessing the ball on the pitch as the whistle blew from the coach...His shouts drowned out from this side of the field. "Is this grass, taken?" I asked her, feeling like a complete lame-arse then and there.

"Free landscape" she replied fighting back the moan from her tone of voice, I had an inner thank you to give to the dog on her lap because it did not look like it was going to make a move anytime, soon.

"So what are you doing here?" I asked her, sitting down putting my knees up to my chest and resting my elbows on them.

"Don't pretend like you don't know-"

"What?"

"You saw me with Seth this morning...Probably spread all kinds of rumours already for your own enjoyment...Now, playing coy?"

"Bella what makes you think that I have spread any rumours?"

"That is the way that you roll, isn't it Edward?"

Honestly, I was a little annoyed at how she expected me to say anything to anyone – why would I say anything to the rest of the people who had no need to know and each of them inhabiting a want for me to win a bet? Seth was competition and how was anyone apart from him to know whether he was genuine?

"No...I don't think anyone should know"

"That's very decent of you"

"Don't get used to it" I ignored the sarcasm in her voice wanting to hit myself repeatedly with a boiling kettle for making the effort to come and talk to her..No one else was going to.

"What is it you really want, Edward?"

"I wanted to come and talk with you"

"No way...I've known you for four days and it's enough time to realise that you are not one of the first people to ever come up and talk to me – not even say hello"

"I made a promise to stay away from you...Like you wanted me to but seeing as this is outside of school...There is a difference"

"Staying away means staying away...Perhaps I should have been clearer. Was it you that spoke to Mansfield about me?"

"A little left field but...No"

I couldn't stop the refusal that came from my mouth...Bella was being completely defensive and why was I going to try and say to her that I had intentionally gotten our biology teacher swayed into believing that I was the trouble maker out of the two of us. Why should I when she is never going to be appreciative of it?

Realisation hit me then, I was doing these things for her out of choice and the best thing that I can do now is to leave her alone...If she didn't want to be around me, then I didn't want to be around her.

"OW!" I turned my head snapping out of my daydream and saw Bella rubbing her head, the football beside her bouncing once and then rolling back down the hill – the dog had taken up suit and run after it...Much to the dismay of the yelling coach.

"Are you okay?" I asked her she shifted away when I went to touch her shoulder, once again I didn't mean to...My body decided to fuck up and have a mind of it's own, today!

"Fine" she answered simply.

"Bella are you alright?" Emmett came bounding over, Seth in tow behind him.

"Should have known it'd be you...Idiot!" Bella replied angrily standing up with one hand still on her head and using her free one to bend down and grab the coat from the grass. "Do you two get some kind of kick out of seeing me embarrass myself?"

"Bella...Come with me, I'll get you some ice-" Seth offered holding out his hand, with a deep breath the tenseness of her facial features deteriorating she wrapped her hand in his.

"THIS IS WHY WE DON'T ALLOW GIRLS TO PRACTICE, CLEARWATER!" The coach yelled, all Seth did was put his thumb up in reply keeping his arm around Bella as they walked away from the field, altogether.

"What were you talking to her about, man?"

"Emmett I am begging you, take the fucking money so that I never have to speak with her again...It'll be like she never existed and my life can go back to how it has been-"

"No way – Rose is organising a party at her house this weekend her parents are away and it might be a good time to see Bella outside of school, her barriers down...If you catch my meaning!"

"There's no way that she is going to come!"

"Perhaps if we ask the infamous Clearwater and he can bring his mutt along-"

"Is he really being genuine?"

"There's nothing to say that he isn't...I mean if he is a liar, he is a fucking good one – maybe I should pick up some tips-"

"Emmett focus man...Fine, invite Clearwater but Bella won't touch drink-"

"How do you know?"

"You only have to look at her to know that she has never touched that stuff-"

"Never say never, let's see what Rose can do...She can do anything when she puts her mind to it-"

"Yeah like supporting your cheating with her on another girl...SCORE!" I scrambled to my feet and walked away past the on-looking younger students in uniform and in the same direction as Bella and Seth had gone, only I was heading back to the school car park wondering how I got involved in this bullshit, anyway!

I can't stand that fucking girl...No more mister nice guy, now!

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Haven't you got to go back on the pitch?" I asked Seth as he took an ice pack out of the small mini-fridge in the PE office...I swung my legs off of the coach's desk and rested my hands on either side of my thighs not wanting to touch my head from the pain.

"No, it was pretty much over when Emmett accidentally kicked the ball too hard-"

"He was aiming for me...Ow!" I was cut-off by the sting of the pack on my head as Seth held it for me.

"Trust me, he wasn't...I am not defending him but sometimes we get too into the game and you'd be surprised how many people end up seeing their fate in the direction of that ball"

"Have you ever hit anyone?"

"Yeah the headmaster...Although after the cooling down process...He stated that he admired my team spirit so overall not bad, perhaps it might have been easier not to think that hitting him again would get more compliments!"

"Wow...Bummer!"

"Not really...We all learn, we are hardly professionals-"

"Do you want to be professional?"

"Football...No...I want to teach sport...Be a coach or something...Teaching others is kind of my thing because it's inspirational and having people look up to you – soaking in every word that comes out of your mouth is...Sorry, I guess that's kind of cheesy-"

"No...it's actually really nice to hear, most people are consumed with the idea of their career paths being only for themselves but I have so much admiration for individuals who want to make a difference, like public service officers...Fireman, policeman doing their talents for good and also teachers"

"What do your parents, do?"

"My mum is currently searching for a job but she used to be a counsellor when we lived up North"

"What about your dad?"

"My dad died" I decided to come out with it then and there, Seth wasn't a bad person and I hoped deep down inside that the awkwardness and embarrassment from the two idiots next door was not going to become a habit for everyone else who may be the brunt of the main sadness in my past.

"Oh I am sorry...What did he do?"

"He was a policeman"

"So naturally you feel more admiration for policeman because of him than you did when you were younger?"

"Yeah...That's right"

"So you moved down here, new place...New house...New school, wow you haven't had it easy have you?"

"Not exactly"

"Well...I realise that we have only just met and this may seem like too much of a best friend statement but I am here, Bella...Whenever you want to talk to me and I live with my mum and there's only two of us as well-"

"Where's your dad?"

"He works overseas at the moment he is in Australia"

"Really?"

"Yeah, my older sister Leah moved out there with him last year, haven't heard from her since she left Bradbourne to emigrate"

"I'd emigrate given the chance...Is there a chance for you to have to move out there?"

"I don't know, maybe if he got a promotion but at the moment I can finish up this year...As much as I love my dad...I'd never work with him"

"I understand, work and personal life are two different things" as I spoke, Nellie whined from the corner of the small office – she had droopy eyes almost like she were going to cry if that were possible for animals not in the world of animation.

"Wow...She really misses that ball" Seth said with a smile "how does your head feel?"

"Numb but great thanks"

"No problem...Did you want me to keep holding it or will you be okay to go back home?"

"Thank you but...Home sounds good"

"Okay" Seth turned away and put the ice pack back in the fridge as I hopped down from the desk..Nellie jumped up and I smiled taking her lead in my hand so that she didn't run away and make an escape. "You can hold her if you like" Seth suggested wrapping my mum's coat around my shoulders.

"Thank you" I said using the two different meanings to thank him for and then he let me walk out of the office – making sure the door was closed properly he followed me out, Bellie was bounding next to me excitedly skipping at my pace – this dog was my soulmate if I ever were to fall in love without the human race...I'd gladly be married to her.

What can I say...I am smitten?

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Tanya, please tell me this isn't true?"

"_It's true...Rose and I are having a joint birthday bash this weekend and we want the virgin to come – it seems like she has already made an impression on Seth-"_

"Tanya, it's not your birthday-"

"_So...It's Rose's and she is old enough to buy drink, anyway..Not that she doesn't have enough in that house already her parents are serious alkis-"_

"She'll never come!"

"_We'll just see about that, think about it...The virgin having alcohol things may turn out better than she expected...it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for-"_

"Whatever but I am not going, bye!"

I hung up the phone...I can't go to that party...I just couldn't!

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Thank you for the lift" I said to Seth unfastening my seat belt and turning towards the back seat "bye pumpkin!" Nellie licked my nose and as I exited the passenger seat she climbed into my spot keeping my warmth on the seat..All I and Seth could do was smile at her.

"She will melt a lot of hearts one day!" I teased.

"Forget it, she's never dating" Seth shot back "remember, take pain killers when you get in and some before you go to bed...The last thing you want is to lose anymore sleep"

"Thank you"

"You need to stop saying that...Are you in school tomorrow?"

"Yes"

"I'm at the boys school...Did you want to do something tomorrow night, maybe see a film or something?"

"Oh that's nice but...Mum has this thing about me going on dates without a mobile phone, she can barely keep a lid on when I am ten minutes late home from school-"

"I understand...Don't worry I guess I'll have to do something here in the woods for the weekend or something?"

"Yeah sure...Bye" I kissed Nellie on the top of her head and waved at Seth with my hand which wasn't holding the door open and closed it, watching the car drive away from my view completely.

Taking the coat off of my shoulders and over my arm...I walked up to my front door it opened as I was about to ring the doorbell and mum was standing there a smile on her face.

"I thought I heard you..Did you have a good time?"

"Not really, I got hit in the head-"

"Oh...Here, let me get you some painkillers and then you can go and get some sleep...Friday tomorrow and then the weekend!"

Mum skipped into the kitchen, turning on the tap and pouring some water into a glass and took out some 'Neurofen' tablets from the plastic coverings inside the box and handed them to me, in my hand I downed them and used the water to get rid of the aftertaste.

"Thanks mum"

"You're welcome...Now would you like some hot chocolate before you go to bed or did you want to go straight up?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

"Hot chocolate it is!"


	11. Climbing Talk

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

**Fridays:** _Double French – F2 Miss Hughes_

_Double Mathematics – M8 Mrs Weighill_

_Double English Literature – E6 Miss Osborn_

All lessons for the end of the school week...Thank god it was still Friday and that there was going to be a relaxed weekend ahead, probably moving more boxes but the one thing that I couldn't seem to get out of my head was the question of Seth asking me to hang out with him, yesterday?

Unfortunately, I have no experience with men and how the hell would I be able to tell if that was a proposition for a date – something beyond friendship or just a friendly thing? I didn't know much about being with a guy but I was no stranger to dates which were not so necessarily known as dates anymore but hanging out and 'going out' with someone.

"Hey Bell!"

"Oh Tor, can I ask you a question?" the relief in my tone was not staying away of my own accord and choosing..She came up to my locker as I took out my French folder...The beauty of having her with me for the next lesson meant that we could carry on this conversation at a much quieter volume but still we can carry on.

"What's up?" she leant against the locker next to mine as I closed mine and locked it.

"Have you ever been asked out by a guy?"

"What like on a date?"

"Yeah something like that"

"Um...Once, but it didn't happen the way I wanted it to"

"How did he ask you?"

"Bella, why are you shaking...Have you been asked out?"

"I don't know that is why I am wondering.."

"He asked me if I wanted to go out on a date with him...I couldn't find another meaning to that – who asked you?"

"Um..Seth"

"Really...Are you going to go?"

"Look, Tor...Nothing is going to happen...I can't go without a phone – mum won't let me and even if I did have one – I don't see Seth as a potential boyfriend, just a really great friend and if he feels more for me, which again I have no idea what to do about then how am I going to tell him?"

"Bella...Stop thinking, too much detail into this...Listen, if he likes you then I am sure he will pluck up the courage and tell you just don't wait for it to happen"

"So what am I going to do?"

"Stop panicking would be a definite start...Then, you can tell me all about the football yesterday how was it watching the 'men' play?"

"Oh...Well, I wasn't paying any attention, Cullen came up to me and kind of distracted me from the looking-"

"Edward...He was probably watching Emmett play-"

"Maybe but someone should make it known to him that you have to stay to watch the whole game before walking off into the sunset!"

"I don't think that Edward is going to be someone who wants to sit through a whole game – he strikes me as the kind who would make a decision as to who will win and then probably go when the guess doesn't pan out...Of course he has better things to do"

I laughed at the double meaning in Tor's remark, I know very well that he has lots of things to 'do' so shall those people be called people because they do not possess the humanity and the morals that they should do...I mean, call me judgemental that's fine but at the same time...I do not always wish for people to be like me because I would never recommend my life to anyone else...If anything, I'd wish to live theirs go through with no dreams or pressure for their futures but I could never be the person who doesn't care.

"So panicking for nothing?"

"Yes, Bell...Don't worry...Did you want to do anything at the weekend?"

"Don't make any plans, ladies!"

Tor and I frowned at one another before turning to the sound of the voice...A beautiful blonde, actually stunning would be the correct word to describe her stood there in front of us – it was hard to determine whether she had come out of the common room or from the corridor but we were both in awe about her standing there, my awe was out of intimidation looking like Quasimodo compared to her...Tor may have had different reasons.

"I want to invite you two for my birthday party on Saturday, I hear that you are a friend of Emmett and Edward Cullen, Bella and any friend of yours is welcome to come, too!"

_Friend? These people really were insane!_

"That's very nice but...I am sorry, I don't think we've met-" I said a little wearily.

"My name is Rosalie...Emmett and I are good friends and everyone who wants to come are welcome!"

"I shall see if I can manage it" Tor answered...I was stuck, how can I refuse when the person whose party it was stood there in front of me, that and Emmett and Edward are never going to let me get out of it...Well, they won't force me to go but they will probably ring my doorbell until mum tugged it from it's hinges and threw it at them!

"I'd really like to see you, there...Please let me know whether you can make it..I live in Sevenoaks so it's probably only going to be twenty minutes from where you are...I can always get someone to give you a ride"

"Oh...I will definitely give it some thought"

"Good, I'll see you around!" Rosalie stepped into the common room and left an awkward silence surrounding Tor and I.

"Did we just get invited to Rosalie Hale's party?" Tor exclaimed

"How do you know all of these people...I am not going...I can't!"

"Why?"

"Come on, we have French to get to" Ignoring the whole situation was the best thing...The possible hang out with Seth seemed much better than watching people in our sixth-form get drunk and do stupid things. However, without a mobile phone...I was not going to be able to do much of anything...This was not just my mum's obstacle but my own as well because I was not going to be safe without ringing her or at least having a phone in cases of emergency.

We did not have the money for a phone.

~~**~Edward~**~~

"You did WHAT?"

"I invited Bella to our little shindig on Saturday...Might do her some good!" Rosalie answered with a smirk...Climbing on Emmett's lap smirking proudly.

"You should have invited me...I would have loved to have seen her face!" Tanya added making me grimace.

"I told you...She won't come, there is no point in pressuring her into going somewhere she doesn't want to!"

"Now, Edward has nominated himself to be the chauffeur for the evening!"

"Excuse me?"

"Bella won't go anywhere without a car and a little bird told me that she has not got a mobile phone to go out with – her mother does not want her to be out without some kind of item to contact her with...So, Emmett look through your drawers for a spare phone and blank sim card and give it to mum to give to Bella's mum-"

"Rose who told you that?"

"I may have asked some people in her French class...They overheard her earlier at her locker before I came along talking to her friend about not being able to go out without a mobile phone-"

"Please, we need to stop this-"

"Edward give it up!" Emmett bellowed wrapping both his arms more securely around Rose as she smiled at the gesture. "Leave it to me, I'll sort it!"

"You in...Edward?"

"When has he not been in?"

"Rose..Can I speak to you, outside?"

"What?"

"Now"

"I have lessons-"

"No you don't...You have double free like me...Please come outside?" Rose hopped off of Emmett's lap and out of his hold and I held the common room door out for her as she stepped out into the corridor, turning to face me...I walked away from the view of the common room door windows and leant against the staircase banister. "Rose...I don't mind taking Bella, I don't care about driving her but how am I to know that she will not have her drink spiked or someone that she barely knows makes a move on her?"

"What kind of people do you think we are...Bella is going to be fine-"

"Really?"

"Look, the only reason I am inviting her is to help one of you win this bet-"

"I need to speak to you about that, Rose"

"What?"

"The bet...Can you stand there right now, look me straight in the eye and tell me that you're alright with watching Emmett go after Bella?"

"I don't know what you're talking about-"

"Tell me...Tell me that you're okay with it and then I will be alright with the idea of Bella going to this party"

"What exactly are you assuming?"

"I assume that you and my brother are too involved for you to be alright with this scheme...You may be okay but then you may also be a really good actress-"

"Why would I speak to you about anything?"

"I have seen the way you look at my brother-"

"Edward what I decide to do is not anyone else's business"

"Rosalie I am not accusing you of anything...Please tell me the truth?"

"It doesn't matter does it...Whatever makes Emmett happy and to see him smile and know that it has a small reason to do with me is worth it"

"So you do feel something more?"

"If I did...It doesn't matter...Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and sort out the rest of the party...Speak to you later"

Rosalie left leaving me to try and get my head around the fact that I was going to have to try and get Bella to go to the party, Emmett already had another option but how the hell was I going to get her to listen to me?

This is all too much for me, I'd sooner forget all about it! Why did I have to agree to this in the first place?

Edward Cullen...You have officially screwed up in your life!

*(Lunch)*

"What was that all about?"

I groaned as Tanya's voice filled my ears "What?"

"Why did you have to go out of the common room this morning and talk to Rosalie about?"

"It's nothing"

"Didn't seem like nothing" I leant against my car, not needing to hear her my head banging and banging with battling thoughts about things that I have never once come across in my life – no wonder I was acting like such a pussy – I had no experience in this bullshit!

"Tanya, please-"

"Tell me now, Edward...Tell me now that there isn't anything going on between you-"

"What the fuck-"

"ANSWER ME!"

"Tanya you have no claim over me...Nothing went on!"

Before anything else, as I was preparing for more of her building rant...She swung her fist around and punched me hard on the left eye...I crouched my lower spine resting against my car.

"FUCK me that hurt!"

"Do I mean nothing to you, Edward!"

"Tanya...I don't know what you are getting into such a fucking episode about...What is it, you PMSing?"

"I expect an apology!" she stated folding her arms...I brought my torso back up.

"Leave me alone!" I seethed at her, she walked away from me a part of her deep down knowing not to piss me off because there was no chance right now that I'd ever hit a girl but with my temper I can do pretty much anything and it scared me even to this day about what I can do when pushed.

Fuck this...I can't stay in this hell-hole!

My Friday is going to be cut-short...They can punish me all they want – I had a form tutor who was shit but was so flaming gullible he'd agree with anything.

I needed to go home, I needed to breathe!

~~**~Bella~**~~

*(After School)*

English had been hell...French and what was the other lesson, oh fuck it...I don't care!

Almost having a brain explosion from the amount of thinking I had to do throughout the day or maybe even had a breakdown that might have been easier.

Getting home had been a nightmare, Seth was waiting for me outside the school entrance and I had to wait until he drove away before actually emerging from the reception and out into the open air. It's not that I wasn't grateful, I just needed to be alone to have the fresh air to myself and at the same time take a much needed breather underneath my own covers which is what I was doing once I got home.

Mum was out, much easier to hide for a while...I laid down sprawled out on my back my eyes gazing at the ceiling filtering the day from out of my head. As Fridays go, nothing of importance happened apart from getting an invitation to a party I'd rather burn myself in acid than ever make an appearance at and indulging in useless lessons where I have no motivation to want to learn new things...Things today had changed from the rest of the week.

My thoughts were interrupted by a small knocking on my window...I didn't have to guess who it was, who else was going to knock on my window. Sighing, making the thought that the faster I send him away the faster I can get back into the shower and try to find some ways to relax before going to bed.

Opening my blind half-way...I opened the window and sat back down on my bed watching him climb through with a little difficulty to beat through the restrictions of the blind. Managing, he came into view standing up straight but the gasp escaped my mouth before I could force it to stay inside my body.

Edward was standing in front of me...A blazing dark eye, not bruised completely but he must have taken quite a hit.

"What happened...Why weren't you in English?" I didn't know why I was asking him...Did I care?

"This is not about my eye, Bella...I am sorry I know you wanted me to stay away from you but there is something that you should be informed on...I needed some space to clear my head – was Osborn suspicious?"

"No...Your tutor came into the classroom as all of us were starting to sit down and then left again"

"Yeah...I told him that I wasn't well, having the battered eye kind of helped but he gave me a sick note to go home with"

"Oh...Well, sit down and I'll go and get some ice to put on that!" I rose but he put up his hand.

"Please, Bella...I do not want to disturb you anymore-"

"Edward, please just sit down...I am guessing your mum hasn't seen that, yet-"

"No...I have only just got home and the ladder is against the side of your house...Mum worries too much and I don't need to let her know more about what I do – besides her car isn't outside..She's not home"

"Sit down"

With a sigh, Edward sat down on my bed...I sprinted out of the room not wanting him to shuffle through my things...I have no idea about why I thought that but it did not lessen my speed...I was suddenly thankful that my own mother wasn't here – what the hell was she going to think when she was informed of Edward Cullen coming into my room through my window in secret.

The wedding for Seth and I was surely under extensive planning, already!

As fast as I could, I rummaged through the coldness of the freezer and unable to find any ice to put into a small bag...I found a packet of peas and took it out closing the freezer and sprinting back up the stairs.

Turning the lock on my door, I sat down beside Edward who looked up from the floor at the bed sinking beneath him. "Cold" I said simply before placing the bag on his left eye. He groaned and winced in pain but smoothed out his face as the coldness seeped through the pores of his skin.

"So what is it that you want to tell me?" I asked him.

"Were you invited to a girl named Rose's party on Saturday?"

"Yes, did you have something to do with that – she disclosed that she knew you and Emmett-"

"No, if anything I was the one that was opposed to the idea...I don't think that you should go, Bella-"

"Can I ask why?"

"You don't know those people like I do – like me, they get drunk like nobody's business and they can do stupid things-"

"Are you trying to keep me away from your friends, Edward?"

"Yes but not in the way that I don't want you to be around because Emmett and I want to have some time to make amends for the bad things that have gone on between us but as for other people, we have no control about what they do-"

"Thank you, Edward but I am not going to go-"

"This is about a phone isn't it?"

"How did you-"

"BELLA!"

I gasped at the sound of my mum's voice from downstairs, throwing the bag of peas across the room behind my door where it wouldn't be seen...Edward rose from the bed...Mum's footsteps came up the stairs and I panicked inside. "Under the bed" I whispered.

"What?"

"Under the bed...There's no time!"

Edward crouched down" and slid under my bed...I threw the blanket over the gap between the floor and the bed and unlocked the door.

"Hello, darling...Are you alright you look a little flushed-"

_Flushed...I have a man under my bed, how am I supposed to look...Damn blush always making me look so bloody guilty even though now I am doing something out of character why now...Why now?_

"I'm fine"

"Right, well I am going to make some dinner – I have some news to tell you tomorrow but you have had a busy week...I will let you get a good night's sleep. I came up here to give you this-" she stopped herself and pulled something out of the back pocket of her jeans...She held out a mobile phone to me. "Esme said she had one spare and well, you have always wanted one!"

I had to force a smile...Renee did not need to know that Edward was probably just about to mention that this phone will somehow end up in my possession. "Wow, thanks...Can you tell Esme thank you for me"

"I sure will, goodnight baby"

"Night, mum"

Sighing, I closed my bedroom door again and Edward emerged from under my bed.

"Why do I have this?"

"Bella one of Rose's friends heard you state to Victoria this morning that the only way you can go out is when you have a phone-"

"Who?"

"I don't know...Bella, but Rose told Emmett and he has enough spare phones to set up his own business...if you want to go to the party out of some strange choice then I am not going to stop you...I'd be happy to give you a lift there and back...I have no plans for drinking-"

"Well, thank you but I don't want to"

"I understand...Thank you for the peas...I'll be out of your way, now"

Keeping my silence, I watched him bend down and climb back out of the window...His feet tapping against the ladder as he got lower and lower down to the ground beneath.

Did Edward Cullen and I just have a decent conversation?

Wow, down-low on today – a party invitation, a civil conversation and a mobile phone.

Things just keep getting stranger and stranger!


	12. Jumping Decisions

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

Ahh the weekend!

A time to relax and recharge one's batteries for the next week ahead, as for me there was going to be no time to try and soothe out the constant battle in my head – disallowing me to get some much needed decent sleep with a certain amount of hours to my good well-being and sanity. Basically, I am screwed at this precise moment in time.

I have sat in my room for a good couple of hours, changed and showered...Room is tidy because in a need of something to do...I did a 'Monica' in 'Friends' and cleaned every corner and every cranny in my room even under the bed which had been made known to me how much dust was under there by the discolour of Edward's shirt as he stood back up from being underneath it only last night.

Mum was downstairs and hadn't come up for the usual wake-up call possibly because she wanted me to have some time to relax – I was grateful but if she knew about what had gone down yesterday and last night, there would be an understanding as to why I was restless and tired then and there sitting in the silence.

Opening the door to my room, I tied my hair up with the band around my wrist and walked into the living room...Mum was sitting down...I was about to ask her a question when Seth came into view in the corner of the room he was bending down looking like he was picking up something but the sofa was hiding whatever he was. What was he doing here?

"Seth?"

"Oh Bella...There you are...She's up!" Mum exclaimed at Seth with a cheeky smile, immediately not liking the 'mocking' factor my barriers shot up.

"I have been up for a few hours, cleaning my room"

"We didn't hear you...Seth has a little something to show you!" Mum informed me risng from the sofa and walking over to stand in front of me. "I will make you a hot drink" she added in a whisper and walked away from me and out of the living room.

Seth stood up straight and smiled running a hand through his hair and all I could do then was smile a little back at him, the sudden burning question of whether he wants more than friendship from me flew into my head and made a bed for itself.

"Um...This may seem like a really stupid thing but...I saw him and thought of you" he stammered...he bent down again but my feet were glued to the spot on the floor unable to move and see what he was talking about.

Seth came back up and my heart swelled out of my chest as I saw a beautiful puppy – exactly the same breed as Nellie resting in his arms like a fluffy ball...My mouth hung open from the surprise and the overwhelming feeling of happiness surrounding me from looking into the beauty of the puppy. "My Aunt owns Nellie's brother and she has six dogs, three girls and three boys that she breeds and mates together and sells the pups for money...I was given a fair deal because I had taken such great care of Nellie and so...She gave him to me" he stood in front of me with the puppy yawning it's eyes heavy but never once did it squirm from his arms. "He's had all its injections and been sprayed in case of seeing other girl dogs...I am aware it's not exactly new-born but he's ten weeks old"

"Seth...He's beautiful, he will make a great companion for Nellie" I spoke running my fingers on the puppy's head gently and tentatively.

"That's the thing...Nellie gets too much attention and, I wanted to give him to you-"

_WHAT?_

"What?"

"He's yours...I came around early to speak to your mum about it and she said that it will be fine-"

"Mum and I can't-"

"I have decided to call him Cosmo!" Mum interrupted handing me the hot cup of tea and handing Seth another cup as she took him from his arms and sat down on the sofa with the puppy in her arms.

"Seth...I am so grateful that you thought of me but, we won't be able to afford him-"

"Au contraire Bella...I got a bar job yesterday in the local pub and the wage is good enough to live on until I can find a more city-based job. Seth has brought us a months' supply of food and I have been made aware of where to stock it up from"

"Mum...Why didn't you tell me, that?"

"I was going to speak to you, yesterday but you looked tired and you needed your sleep...Besides, I cannot let this little one go now" she cooed the end of her sentence rubbing her nose against the puppy's as he licked it slightly.

The puppy was beautiful but there was something inside of me that sent warning bells to my stomach as to what the need of getting me a puppy was...I grabbed Seth's arm as mum was focused on the puppy and I stepped outside the front door into the late morning air.

"Seth...Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, Bella...What is it?"

"Why did you get me a puppy?"

"I saw how much you loved Nellie and decided to get you one...Nellie does not like to share us with another pup believe me, we have all tried to win her around-"

"Seth-"

"Anyway, before you dismiss the puppy again I have an invitation for you-"

"What?"

"Rosalie Hale, a girl in sixth is having a party later on tonight and she gave me an invite plus one person to bring along with me and..I want to invite you"

Why did I see this coming?

I was suddenly and very strangely grateful to Edward for giving me the heads up about it yesterday but never did I imagine Seth getting invited – he knew Emmett but then again he was going to invite me instead of his other friends? How does that work?

"I don't know Rosalie Hale-" that was a complete lie – I really didn't know her except for the fact that she was..Well, beautiful and I looked like a can of dog food compared to her and standing in her presence.

"You know me...Trust me, I don't know many people who are going, either and well...We can stick together just you and me"

You and me...That didn't sound so very comforting, anymore? Am I thinking too much into this, now?

Edward had already offered to give me a lift there and back – I was going to keep our little meeting secret but that didn't stop me from having an inner panic...Refusing Edward and possibly Emmett Cullen if he had also asked me was easy but refusing Seth wasn't so easy because he was genuinely happy to have me around...Just how happy was my burning question.

"That's nice-"

"That's nice of you but you can't come because you don't have a phone-" do I lie and say that I don't have one, even though I do much to the dismay of both my mother and I?

"Wow...You already know what I am about to say-"

"Yeah, well I can always get hold of a phone-"

"You're really so good to me, Seth but honestly...Parties aren't my thing and I don't want to go somewhere and be with people I hardly know...I know of those people because they make judgements about others like me-"

"What do you mean?"

"I am not a part of that crowd and...Mum wants a night in just the two of us and well...Seeing as she has a new job; it gives us a reason to celebrate"

"Bella everything is alright...I will take another friend, I can't deny that I wish you were coming, though...Is there anything that I can do to change your mind?"

"Take the puppy, back...I won't change my mind but I can't take him-"

"I didn't pay any money for him, Bella...I promise and I know everything there is to know about retrievers from bringing up Nellie-"

"Seth-"

"I am not taking him back, Bella...Anyway...I have to get moving – I promised mum I'd make some dinner before I go out, tonight...I'll see you at school or maybe tomorrow if you're not doing anything"

"Um alright...Thank you...Thank you so much"

"You're welcome"

With a smirk he was gone, walking away from me and out of the road altogether in the direction of his house...I sat down on the grass, sighing that there was a small part of me that would have liked to see a party like that and be a tiny part of it – observing a small part of the teenage mind and how fast they can get drunk and do something stupid – there is no point in being judgemental when something like that is entertaining.

There was a small whining sound behind me and I turned my upper body my head to the door and tilted down to see Cosmo sitting there his big eyes gazing into mine...Brown on brown...Chocolate to chocolate.

Sighing at how much of an effect he had on me, I scooped him up and hugged him close to me, my head resting on his and his head under my chin snuggling into it gently...How could Seth have been so nice to me?

"So...I have to call you Cosmo now, do I?" I held him out in front of me...His tail was wagging speedily from side to side his legs hanging in the air. "Well, it seems like you are going to be here for the long-haul my friend so perhaps we need to sort out some training for you...How would you like that?"

The dog was silent; I rolled my eyes...Why was I talking to the puppy like it was a human? I was right about it being trained though, mum and I did not have many things that could be deemed breakable in the house but at the same time, it's good to be on the safe side.

Getting up off of the floor, I passed mum on my way out.

"I am off to work, I will be back by six to take you to that party-"

"What?"

"You have a party to go to tonight with Seth?"

_Does that dude tell my mum everything...Actually, she could do with not being so persuasive to get information out of people!_

"No"

"Come on, now Bella...When was the last time you went to a party?"

"Um...A while ago, mum I am legally allowed to drink but it doesn't matter...This party is for people who I have barely said two words to"

"I have something for you to wear if that is what you're worrying about-"

"Please, mum...I am not going-"

"But Bell-"

"Mum...I can't...Come on, Cosmo" I walked back into the house, Cosmo followed me and I shut the door as my mum climbed into her car. Always in need to see me go out but if she had even the slightest hint of what kind of people I was going to be with, tonight...She'd be disappointed in me for not listening to my father and I did not want to have to endure the look and the tutting and the shaking of the head.

Reaching down, I scooped up Cosmo and headed up to my room opening the door, the draught from the window created a nice cool air into my room...As I put the dog on my bed, I frowned at the plastic bag that was resting against my window sill the blind in the way of the puppy's chances of making a dive.

I bent down and saw a top of some sort with a post-it note on the top in my view, I tilted my head to glance at the writing...Gasping when recognising who it belonged to.

_In case you change your mind_

_.E._

Riddled with curiosity as to why he had given me something at all, and to what it might be at the same time...I took the material out of the bag and stood up letting the folds fall out, it was a dress...Cross-shouldered, a cream colour...Simple but beautiful. Whose was this and how did he ever get hold of it?

I couldn't wear it, as stunning as it is...It's not me and I appreciated his offer of helping me with my inner dilemmas...Strange as to how he knew what I was worrying about and the reasons I refuse to go to this party.

Putting the dress back in the bag...I left the room after closing my window, mum had already stocked up on Cosmo's food and I was only going to be leaving him for a few minutes once I gave this back to Edward.

Taking Cosmo in my arms, I set him back down in his bed in the living room close to his food and water bowls and grabbed my keys from behind the front door putting them into my pocket and walking out of the door, one of my hands viced around the plastic bag.

The Cullen's driveway only had the Volvo in it; Esme's car was not there so it was going to be Edward and Emmett or just Edward – either way I wasn't going to be there long enough to stay for a cup of tea and a biscuit.

Swallowing the dry sensations in my throat...I knocked on the door heavily and after a few seconds it opened...Edward stood holding the door still in one of his hands leaning his weight slightly to one side casually. "Hi Bella"

"Hi...Listen...I need to-"

"Hey Edward...Whose at the door!" A tanned guy came from another room and stood next to him, his eyes looking me up and down in wonder. I looked away from his gaze as his not wearing a shirt doomed to be an immediate problem.

"Jacob...Give us a minute, okay?" Edward asked him quietly and at the sound of his trailing footsteps away, I lifted my head back up and held the bag out to Edward.

"Thanks for the thought but...I am not going-"

"Okay..But that's yours to keep if you want"

"Why?"

"It was my mum's when she was younger and she still has some of her old things in our cellar...She said that if Emmett and I were ever to have some use for them that we should take them...My mum is fond of you, more so your own mum and I think she'd want you to have it, anyway"

"Edward...It is beautiful but...I can't-"

"Yes you can...If you're not going to the party tonight then at least keep it for another special occasion"

"Well...I don't want anyone to think that I don't own anything-"

"Bella no one thinks that...You just moved here, and the shopping type does not radiate from you and it's nice to be given things especially when mum can find new uses for them – she has your similar dark hair and eyes so that colour should look beautiful on you...You'd look beautiful wearing it"

Beautiful...Did he just say that?

"I got invited by Seth.." I trailed off wondering why that had just come out of my mouth...Perhaps I needed to change the conversation topic.

"I figured as much"

"I want to thank you...For the dress and for offering to take me...There is a part of me that wants to go but, being around them and being with people like you who were pretty much born to live on the wild side and have a good time is not my scene...I am not that kind of person"

"There is no need to justify yourself to me, Bella...It's up to you to make a decision about what you want...The option is just there if you need it"

"Yeah..Well, thank you...I'll see you in school on Monday"

"Sure, bye"

I turned and walked back the short distance to my house, the plastic bag still wrapped in my hand...My original plan of giving it back going straight out of the window.

The moment I got back into the house using my keys...I ran back up to my room and took the dress out of the bag and laid it out on the bed...Studying the design.

Edward was right about one thing...This was my kind of dress because if I did enjoy shopping the way that members of my sex are supposed to then the latest designs would never interest me for a moment. Vintage was more my style, a strange and unique being I am like my mother. That wasn't so bad to get my head around.

_You will look beautiful in it, too..._

Edward's words filled my head as I gazed at the dress, pondering the decision that faced me.

To go or not to go?


	13. High Changes

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

After Bella left, I couldn't help but have the image of her blush and her eyes lowering as soon as she saw Jacob without his shirt on, the idiot had wanted to sit in our hot tub which is the only reason he seems to come here apart from seeing Emmett.

Annoyed that he had made her feel embarrassed, I sat back down in the living room next to him as he mindlessly flicked through all of our sports channels.

"Would it kill you to wear a shirt, Jacob?"

At my question he turned and smirked proudly "I work hard to look like this, Edward...Besides the ladies always seem to appreciate it!" he replied leaning back on his elbow in a model-like pose, at this all I wanted to do was throw up.

"You made Bella embarrassed"

"So...Might do her some good to see a man's body, she seems unknowledgeable in that area altogether"

"That's no excuse!"

"Stop being such a priss...Besides, what was that about giving her a dress, Edward...That's not like you-"

"I gave her the dress because it was lying around...Mum would've done the exact same thing upon clearing the house up. I just did it ahead of time"

"Sure, sure that's a really well rehearsed lie there, Edward...Have you ever wondered about going into acting?"

"No chance"

"Emmett won't be back until later-"

"Are you trying to get rid of me, Edward...I am here without my shirt on...Are you feeling a little aroused by me?"

"Jake...Sometimes you can be such a self-involved arsehole!"

"Nothing I haven't heard before...Could you swing for both sides, Edward?"

"The only way I'd ever see you as attractive is if you had breasts and a vagina, but clearly not it seems"

"One-nil my friend...Come on, do you wanna fire up Emmett's Wii?"

"Have him plummet you to the ground for laying a finger on it...Sure why not?"

"That's the spirit!"

~~**~Bella~**~~

*(Four Hours Later)*

"Hey little buddy!"

I stroked Cosmo as he stirred from his heavy sleep against my pillow...I was still undecided about the party and mum was going to kick up a real fuss about my deciding not to go. Was Tor going, if only I had some sense and asked her for her mobile number then I could easily contact her right then and there to ask...I mean, one of her crushes friends is having a party where she is invited – would a sane person like her go and make the effort? I will know three people there at least. Emmett Cullen has not made the effort to come and talk to me like his brother, possibly against his own better judgement and so, he was not going to make me feel comfortable at the 'rave' tonight.

I mean, it might be nice to step out and be with people that I do not necessarily have anything to do with...Who knows, I may have a good time?

As I pondered some more, I decided to break free from my room – Cosmo was happy chilling on my bed and he was not going to go anywhere as my usually opened window was closed for the night...That was the strangest thing, Edward had a way of getting to me without walking through my front door and it was strangely comforting to have someone come and talk to me without my mum knowing and making any assumptions about the stages of our friendship.

Was Edward Cullen my friend...Or did he have some kind of hidden agenda?

Someone like him, the complete opposite to me and honestly a little immature than I am wants to talk to me and hell, he gave me a dress and it's not everyday that I get gifts from people apart from Christmas and my birthday and I had never been with a man...The usual flowers and chocolates was never going to be a possibility for me because of my lack to open-up.

I stripped from my clothes and turned on the shower letting the water flow and cascade down the drain as it heated up...I undid the band in my hair and let my chocolate curls fall around my shoulders. I was afraid to open up...Having a man who sees you so perfectly and puts you on a pedestal scares me because..I am not perfect and no one is. Love is blind in the sense that an individual can think so highly of the person they care the most about that there is a chance of wearing rose-tinted glasses every moment their eyes meet. Of course at the same time, the idea of being so loved and cared for by another person is one that everyone should have a chance of experiencing the main problem for me was fear.

Fear that they might see who I really am behind the image and realise that I was not the person they thought and in return, I growing stronger and stronger feelings for them the more we are together having my heart torn and broken apart. Others have trampled on me, judged me for a view that they have concocted only themselves and now, in this house and in this school...I was much more of an equal and people like Tor and Seth treat me like equals...Something that I have never once been.

Climbing into the shower, I tilted my head back the hot water spraying across my neck and chest the heat surrounding me in the small space opening up every pore of skin and relaxing every muscle...Bringing my head forward I wetted all the areas of my hair and reached for my favourite strawberry shampoo which mum calls my trademark and lathered up my hair letting the scent swarm up my nose and into my head. The one smell I could never live without is this shampoo – since the age of ten I have used it and so, mum always wants to keep me stocked up with it.

It would also be a good idea to re-do my legs again so once I got out of the shower, I can move onto something else to distract me from the useless musings of my over thinking mind.

Why did I have to think about everything so much, was I going to turn into one of those people unable to have the ability to let loose and have some fun because fear gets in the way – the habit of being good and proper forever branding their mind from the possible fun and adventurous things waiting for them out there if they'd only reach out and take the opportunities instead of watching them pass by without a word said about it?

I needed to find a way to break away from my sheltered being because as nice as it is to be able to be private and do things the way that I do and have always done...Change may not be such a bad thing. Mum and I moved here against all the odds and bad feelings in our minds because we loved our last home so much that leaving it felt like the world was ending and crumbling around us and both of us have managed so far. School was going alright for me at the moment and mum landed a job, possibly not the best one because she had the intelligence to do a job much better and with better pay but she had the courage to go out and look because of the need to keep a roof over our heads – always I saw mum as someone who thought too positively about situations that had never been worse but her hope and undying faith to see a silver lining in the thunderous clouds had kept us both strong and forever will I be grateful to her for looking after me.

Being an adult now, I hoped to God that I was going to be the kind of mum like mine is to my own children...There was strength in my blood from my mum's family and that will never be forgotten. Of course, how was I to know that I had strength right now being so undecided about everything?

After finishing with my conditioner and my body wash, both my skin and hair feeling clean and soft thanks to mum's choice of body product...I stepped out into the steam around the room wrapped my towel around my body and used my other spare one to wrap my hair up on my head and walked over to the cabinets and took out my shaving gel and a spare razor from my bag of spares and hopped into the bath, balancing on one leg as I rested the other one on the edge. The position was uncomfortable but I didn't want to sit in the tub...Bending my torso down, I squirted a small amount of gel in my palm and rubbed them along the flexed leg.

Okay, you get the drill...I don't usually make such an effort when getting ready but having a shower or bath makes me feel so much better for some odd reason, it must be something to do with the water...I have always loved being in water since I learnt how to swim and never once could mum and dad get me out of the sea or pool to top up on my sun cream and add sun-block to my overly-freckly skin thanks to the heat of the sun...I guess I feel more freedom in the water like a creature gliding through without a care in the world. I felt at home in the water...Water-baby I know!

I managed to do the best I could manage in the uncompromising position of my body and at the risk of getting cramp in my feet and calf muscles and washed out of the dirt out of the bottom of the tub with my hand and cold water from the tap. For once, I had also managed not to cut myself on the razor which I made quite a habit from time to time, not the usual small cuts though rather big gashes that never seem to stop bleeding no matter how hard you hold the tissue to the skin. That was the kind of person I am, bad luck comes at the greatest times and when I least expect them or expect them to be a habit and not the disadvantage happening merely once.

Cosmo was sound asleep when I walked in my room my towel round myself and undid the towel from around my hair and flipped it forward and back again to stop it from sticking to the skin of my neck from the moistness and folded the other towel and put it on my radiator to dry off.

Glancing once at the dress...I bit down on my lip and immediately heard the front door closing downstairs.

"Bella...Where are you sweetheart?" mum called, taking me out of my thinking trail and at her footsteps climbing the stairs...I opened my door and left it ajar – she was going to find out about the dress from Esme, anyway.

Swallowing my nerves, I kept one of my hands on where the two halves of my towel were connected and saw her come into my room – a frown creasing her eyebrows together. "You alright, darling?"

"Yes" I replied simply, unable to shake the fact that Esme's dress was laying right next to me and I didn't have the ability to say anything. Great...My mind has verbal vomit but my mouth wants to keep quiet. Typical Bella Swan!

"What's that?"

Mum had the usual five second gap with her eagle eyes to notice the dress on my bed...I glanced down at it almost wishing that it wasn't there and looked back at up. "It's-"

"Hello...ANYONE HOME?"

_Oh shit!_ I rose from my bed and grabbed the dress throwing it behind the door. "Up here, Esme...That'll teach me from leaving the latch on won't it...Bella what are you doing?"

"Mum...I can't...That dress is Esme's-"

"What do you mean-"

"Hello?" Esme appeared in the doorway, on a usual day which was well...Not today the embarrassment in my system and appearing in my cheeks would be as a result of being only in my towel but today it was more about how I had just flung her dress that she may or may not know that I have in my possession behind my door. "Sorry, I'll wait outside" she added taking a look at me.

"No...Listen, is this yours?" Mum bent down and took the dress from behind the door before my feet could move to stop her...I bit down on my lip hard in preparation for the rant.

"Yes...That is mine...Who gave this to you, Bella?"

Do I lie...I can't lie because then I'd get branded as a thief! "Edward"

"Wow...My son must think highly of you...Bella there is no need to look so frightened, I have told my boys that they can take some of my old clothes and I am sure that he has a good enough reason. Besides, I am here to do your hair!"

Hair...What?

"I'm sorry?"

"Bella...We want you to go to this party, Esme will sort out your hair along with the mobile phone so you have all the numbers you need in there to call in cases of emergency and I will look on in amazement"

"Right sweetie...Come and sit over here" Esme pulled out the chair from across my room, that hardly ever gets used but it's sole purpose being a good item for decoration...I sat down, keeping my arms against my torso to keep the towel from falling and Esme walked out of the room for a few moments and brought back a large bag. "I have the exact look for you!"

I left her to work, watching mum as she studied the dress in her arms and gave attention to Cosmo who had woken with all the hustling and bustling of my usually quiet room.

What was I going to do, now?

"Mum, Esme..I really appreciate this but I don't know whether to go our not-"

"Oh not that again, look Bella...Oh Esme you have to thank your son for picking this out of your things it will be beautiful on her!"

"Mum!"

"Bella sweetie...I want to see what you look like in the dress...My sons, okay perhaps as a mother I am biased and have a duty to protect them but they are both good souls – I wanted to raise them to have freedom but that resulted in the completely bad thing to do...They will look after you. Edward much more than Emmett."

"Esme, you really don't mind that I have this?"

"Edward is a secretive being...So, even though he probably won't tell me why he did it...Deep down he knows why he did the gesture and...Any choice that he makes is fine with me" Esme assured me running her hands through my hair softly and gently in some kind of comfort before dividing the top and bottom half and half, the top in a clip and the bottom left down on my shoulders.

"Where did you get this, Esme?"

"I used to love going to vintage shops...Although they were more on the border of what charity shops are, today...My family had money, we were comfortable but I always enjoyed having clothes that no one else had...My own distinctive style"

"It's gorgeous!"

"Thank you...I believe Bella will look far better in it than me" Esme added...Curling my hair in the hot tongs in her hand.

I felt like a Barbie...Or at least some kind of store mannequin!

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Hey brothers!"

Emmett came home, then...Jake was already here – after being informed later on today that he was crashing at our place after the party tonight, he was no stranger to the alcohol much like my elder brother. The two of us had packed up the Wii and Jake was in the guest shower getting himself ready for the party. That man took a good few hours to make sure he looked okay and in his own opinion he looked as good as he could do. Forget what everyone else thought or who may be waiting for him to emerge from the bathroom.

"Hey Em" I greeted him, taking a swig from my can of coke and moving my feet off of the sofa as he sat down.

"So...Are you going, tonight?"

"I may go later...No chance in hell am I turning up before anyone else...Why?"

"You will be pleased to hear that I got my jeep back, today...My buddy is all good and new again so there is no need to wait around for us"

"Thanks"

"No problem...Listen, are you going to make the move on Bella, tonight?"

"Why would you ask me that...She's not going?"

"What?"

"Bella isn't going...She's as good as told me, what did I say to you in the first place Em-"

"Oh but I-"

"Yeah, you're supposed to be winning this bet...This was all your fucking idea so why aren't you putting any moves on her?"

"Rosalie gets in the way – that woman is a sex goddess...My kind of woman"

"So what...I win when you haven't even tired?"

"Why are you complaining?"

"I'm complaining because you're the one who harped on at me for not giving you competition when I wanted to back out and now, this is it on a plate for me. If I am not allowed to back out then neither are you!"

"Edward-"

"NO...You give me shit about my sudden 'feelings' and now all of a sudden there is a need to hang on to Rosalie..Why, why do you want her now when you have already made a bet to get someone else?"

"Look, man...You were right – Rose is more than a great fuck, she gets me-"

"Rosalie wanted to do this bet as much as you did...What about her?"

"I haven't exactly told her I am out of it-"

"Why the fuck not?"

"Rosalie can be high maintenance at the best of times and that's one of the things I love about her-"

"Wait...Love...Did...Did you just say 'love'?"

"Yeah...I love her, buddy...From the moment you said to me that we were both more than fuck buddies it all became so clear-"

"Oh Jesus Christ...What are we supposed to do now, all this talk about reputation...From your lips might I add, people are going to think we are wimps if we back out now-"

"No one gave us any money so it doesn't matter they can just keep it-"

"They can't...Emmett we do this together or we face downfall, together...You can't have both the glory and the girl. So what will it be?"

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Come on out, Bella!"

In no time at all, Esme and mum had made me up and dressed me quicker than any stylist could and of course, Esme was a much better judge of skin colour being a beauty therapist and she also did her own makeup rather simply but it made her look very beautiful at the same time. Like a porcelain doll.

As they called me from outside, I leant my hands on the sink and took in three slow breaths – this was like being a model on a catwalk and never in my life had I felt almost pretty and worthy to have such a stunning dress on that was not my own. The nerves still circled around me, though...I didn't dare look up to stare at my reflection – I hadn't done it without makeup and I was not going to start now.

I stood back upright and opened the door to the bathroom, emerging into my bedroom where Esme and mum were sitting on the bed...Their mouths dropped slowly in unison and I, instantly paranoid wrapped my arms around myself and lowered my head...I knew that I didn't look good in this – when had I ever put on a dress since I was a little girl and mum made me to take loads of pictures and memories?

"I knew it wouldn't look good" the comment came out of my mouth from my head and as quickly as anything mum stood up and pried my arms away from myself with her own hands and locked her eyes with mine – I so intimidated by the meaning and determination radiating from her blue eyes was unable to look away.

"Bella, you look incredible" she whispered the tears filling her eyes, slowly "I haven't seen you dressed up like this in a long time, sweetheart and it's a little overwhelming. Oh Esme you are a genius!" she gushed wrapping her arms around me and securing my chest to hers...Esme was smiling proudly but kindly at the same time in front of me as she too, rose from the bed. "That dress looks far better on you my dear!" she commented...I couldn't help but smile at the honesty in her remark.

"You're forgetting Renee that I have not done her makeup, yet-" Esme's statement caused mum to release me and turn her head to her.

"Bella does not wear makeup-"

"Believe me, she will after this...I have got a lot of shades that I have collected in the past and well...There is bound to be a foundation to match her skin tone"

Foundation...How I have heard of it but never once plucked up the courage to buy some and put it on my face...How can I refuse a chance to look better than my usual pale and almost sickly self?

How was I going to look after all of this?

~~**~Edward~**~~

*(Twenty minutes later)*

"Are you coming, then or what?"

Emmett bellowed from downstairs, putting me off my burying my head in my pillow...I really didn't want to go, now.

I would be facing Tanya – with the bruise still evident on my face and at the same time, wondering what Bella is up to because my brain is in tune with her. I have no idea what is going on...Always caring about what she was doing and who she was with – that Seth was getting a little too close for comfort and honestly, he seemed a little creepy.

Again, who am I to talk?

"No...I'll catch you later!" I shouted back...The front door slamming shut seconds later, sighing I climbed up off of the bed and over to my window...I pulled my blinds and opened the window letting the early evening breeze.

Inhaling, the small draught covering my face and hair soothing me...The blind to Bella's room was closed and hell I had no interest in seeing what she was doing, instead I marched out my room and down the stairs, stepping out into the front garden.

Running my hands through my hair...I was at a crossroads.

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Right add the final touches!"

My hair and face were all done and now, my mum went to get me some shoes to complete my outfit...As she stepped out of my room...Esme put her hands on my shoulders.

"You really are a good girl, Bella and remember anything you need...To come home early or if something worse happens...My number is in here" she informed me...Reaching into the pocket of her jeans and taking out the phone.

"Thank you" I replied taking it and placing it in the clutch bag that my Grandmother had given me, it was nothing ugly and floral but just a silver one from years ago in the sixties. I had always been fond of it and luckily it went with the outfit.

"Have you got everything you need?" Esme asked.

"Yes"

"Good...So now, we just wait on your mum-"

"Esme...Thank you for everything...Edward and I didn't exactly start off on good terms but he is not as bad a person as he makes out to be"

"Oh I know that honey, he's insecure about himself and so needs to have the acceptance of others that he really should not care about"

"Here we are!"

Mum sang as she came back, plain heels in her hands – black with a silver buckle and placed them on my feet one after the other. "Right...Let's go!"

Nodding, I swallowed the rest of the nerves away and followed mum down the stairs, Esme took Cosmo and brought him down with us.

It took every ounce of focus and concentration inside of me to make it down the stairs, the heels were not that big but as I was Bella Swan the safest bet would be never to put heels on my feet but how can I wear flats in an outfit like this?

Managing, mum held the door open for me, now the night blanketed the sky, the stars twinkling above us...She took me to the car...Taking her coat out of the backseat and handing it to me.

Something made me turn to Esme's house and there was Edward staring back at me, his mouth parted slightly his posture motionless and still...Esme was still standing behind me it was hard to look away from him.

Needing to do something, I gave him a small smile and climbed into the passenger seat of my mum's van closing the door and waving to Esme and blowing a kiss at Cosmo as we drove away out of the close.

The image of Edward's face haunted me as we headed the way to Sevenoaks...Even though I had no idea where I was going, I asked my mum to drop me off at the train station.

What mum doesn't know won't hurt her and there is always an option to take off these shoes as I looked for the house – There was a little piece of paper that Edward had given me the night he hid from my mum in my clutch but even though the address was on it...I had no idea where it was.

Luckily I was early enough not to be too early and seem to keen.

Here goes nothing!


	14. Chilling Embraces

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

_Fuck me hard!_

I never once believed that Bella Swan could look so...Different, looking at her in the dress reminded me of a classical actress like Hepburn or Ball and she had the beauty in her face to pull of the vintage look. Mum's dress looked so plain the box – always better when a person wears it but seeing the pictures I'd never believe that it'd be suited to anyone besides my mother – I was gladly proved wrong.

"You alright, honey?"

Mum snapped me out of my trance and I turned to find a small puppy in her hands...A golden retriever and honestly a little adorable...He looked at me with his big brown eyes. My hand immediately went out to stroke his head the softness of his fur seeping through the pores of my skin. "Whose this?"

"This is Cosmo, Renee and Bella's new puppy" mum answered studying my face as I kept my attention and focus on the dog.

"When did they get a new puppy?"

"Turns out that Seth got it for them – Renee told me that Bella was pretty smitten with his own dog of the same breed and so, he took the initiative and gave one to them"

_Wow...Sentimental much? How can any girl refuse a puppy?_

"That's nice of him-" Swallowing the dryness in my throat, I wanted then to walk away and escape from mum's glare – she wanted to know something that look only made an appearance when she weedled information out of me and my mind was so screwed...I didn't know what to feel at the moment so how could I manage to turn them into words?

"Yes...It was also nice of you to lend her my dress-"

"Well...I wanted her to spread her wings a little – besides, I need to go and get ready-" I went to turn when there was a soft hold on my arm holding me back and preventing me from escape this shithole of a situation.

"Edward...Please, as your mum...Look after her" the sweetness from my mother showed me then that Bella was a quick favourite with her – she never had a daughter and being outnumbered in the family unit by men must sometimes suck and of course, this was just a guess...She loved us and deep down I was upset by how Emmett and I have turned out and how it contrasted to how she may have wanted us to behave.

I couldn't deny my mum, anything...Not when she cared so much about Bella.

"Sure, mum" I replied kissing her once on the forehead and walking away from her and back into the house.

I had given Bella the address on a small piece of paper but panic surged through me when I realised that the only place she knew in Sevenoaks was the school. How was she going to get there...Walk?

Bella couldn't walk around looking like that because something was bound to happen to her, the others in the world who pick and target vulnerable young women in a party outfit scared me...I did not want anything to happen to Bella especially now the two of us have found some kind of civilised ground and almost friendship.

Running into my room, I wasted no time in bounding through my bathroom and getting rid of my clothes.

This was going to be the fastest I have ever got ready, hell it's nighttime and most people will be too pissed to even remember my name.

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Thank you, mum" I said to mum climbing out of the car.

"Make sure you stay with the people you know, Bella"

"I will...I love you"

"Love you too my beautiful daughter" mum drove off then her van making the mostly awful noises possible...Concocting a lie in my head to ensure that I knew where the house was helped her leave me alone but as the van went out of sight, I suddenly realised that the coat lent to me by my mum to keep me warm for the night was still in the back seat...Of course one point to Bella Swan for mucking up the night before it had even begun.

Was it a sign...To tell me that I shouldn't go and ring my mum to come back for me?

The breeze of the night got gradually stronger and stronger around the thin fabric of my dress as I found the energy in my lower body to move my feet...I did know one thing – the school was close to the train station and of course, I knew the school and it may not be open but at least there I knew where I was instead of walking around random streets and footpaths with no final destination.

Shaking slightly and wrapping my arms around myself, my clutch bag firmly between both my arms and started to walk the way to the school...I had seen some students take the train and make the same route towards the school for the day and so...I was now going the same way, a little cold and honestly a little scared because anything can happen right now when I am on my own. It can be something small like twisting my ankle or someone in the bushes can come out and hurt me. Either way, I was going to remember what my father taught me and that was to attack someone in self-defence who attempts to hurt me.

The surroundings were quiet, only the rustling of the trees above my head the only noises for miles.

I was in desertion...Almost like walking through a dessert...Lone and a little frightened.

_Breathe Bella...Just Breathe!_

~~**~Edward~**~~

I sprinted down the stairs throwing on the most decent shirt I have in my possession and comfortable trousers – I am not a big fan on getting myself all spruced up for a party with people who are not even really my friends. The only member of the party that I could allow myself to be close with and have a choice to open up to is my brother and that's all.

Due to the speed of my run, mum never had the chance to say goodbye to me...God knows where Bella is right now, I was hoping to God above that she was near the school – did she possess that initiative to stay in a place that she knew?

Then again, perhaps I should have been more of a good person and given her directions to the house from a certain place or even from the school because she knew it...Her mum's van wasn't in the driveway...I climbed into the Volvo and turning my keys in the ignition I sped off without making too much noise on the friction of my tyres and as fast as the speed limit allowed...I drove to the school.

Nothing was stranger than driving to school right then because it's not a school day and I had never gone one foot near the girls school unless I had lessons for the day.

The only reason I was doing this was because of Bella.

_Please Bella, stay wherever you are...Please stay there! _

~~**~Bella~**~~

The shakes from my body flew out of me, I had no power in my mind to stop it and I was fearful of what was going to happen to me if my body temperature descended anymore...Why did I have to be such an idiot and forget something that ended up being so important?

I saw the school in the distance but my feet were like frozen blocks of ice and the pain from my heels no longer proving to be a problem because of the numbing sensations all the way from my head to my toes.

A small distance from the school, various cars going past me one way and the other – My body couldn't take the cold and I couldn't move anymore making steps was like trudging through snow which wasn't there...I had never been so cold, my numb lips parted teeth chattering...I forgot about my outfit and sat down on the road, my legs off of the pavement and put my head slowly in my hands...Warmth was something taken entirely for granted and I include myself in that, too.

My clutch rested on my lap and my head buried in the darkness...I steadied my breathing, shaky as it was...Tied with emotion as to cry or fall asleep.

I had no idea about what I was going to do!

~~**~Edward~**~~

_Bella, where are you?_

Taking it slow as I drove down the road to my school...Headlights shining on the road and the side of the pavement on the left side...I was beginning to worry which was so unlike me, but more about the actions of others that I had no control over and also a situation which seeing Bella in a horrible state was going to tear me into two. Mum had told me to look after her and I had a small idea in my head about how Bella had chosen to get a lift from her mum..How was I to know whether it was true or not but my guess was that Seth had asked her along with me giving her the option to go and so as not to disappoint anyone...When I state disappoint I mean it for Seth because my own offer was set to negotiate and at the beginning I had no idea about how I had asked her in the first place.

A few kilometres from the school, a dark figure caught my glance on the pavement...Hitting the breaks and turning on the indicator...I climbed out of the drivers side luckily there were no other cars and I made a quick exit from my car...The black shoes instantly showed me that it was Bella and I bent down putting my hands lightly on her arms so as not to startle her and I almost flinched at how cold her skin was compared to mine, which had been soaking in the heating of the car for how long along with the house heat I had left, too.

"Bella?" I watched her lift her head, her mouth moving up and down frantically her teeth clamping together at moments.

"S..S...Sorr...Ry...I...Cou-"

"Ssh it's okay I am here...I need to get you into my car...I am going to lift you up okay?"

Not having much of a choice, she nodded and I grabbed her clutch bag putting it in my mouth to keep it safe and then angled my body to the side sliding one arm under her legs and the other around her waist...She weighed nothing at all as she lay in my arms, her body shaking from the movement.

I went onto auto-pilot, Using the door to the backseats on the left side of my car which was on the pavement side so as not to make any road rage...After letting her sink into the seats...I rushed to the boot and took out the spare blanket in cases like these and closed the boot.

Leaning into the car, I wrapped the blanket around her shoulders taking the bag out of my mouth and down by her feet...As I went to bend back upright..Bella took my arm weakly but it was enough to stop my movements.

"Can...You...S..S...Sta...Stay...He...Her...Here...Wit...With...M...Me?"

Unwilling to refuse her anything in this state but actually not wanting her to feel more scared than she was already at her own body temperature, I nodded.

"Let me turn the engine off" I stated, at her nod at response...I closed the door on her and rushed around to the driver's side...Leaving the indicators on but turning off the engine, the heating was now no longer an option but the heat in the car still surrounding the confinement of the space, Bella needed as much heat as she could possibly manage because thank God she didn't look like she was hypothermic but it would not have taken long for her to fall that far if I hadn't found her.

I climbed into the back seat and without thinking about how it looked or how weird it might be...I took Bella's shoulders and lifted her in my lap hugging her close to me and adjusting the blanket with my free hand not around her to ensure all areas of her body were covered at least her legs and her one arm which did not have any fabric around it at all.

Bella didn't protest, to be honest she wouldn't be able to even if she wanted to and leant closely into me, the scent of her hair which was the best smell I had ever come across in my life close to my nose.

The smell was strawberries, but it was such a typical Bella smell...Never bothered with sprays or deodorants all over her body instead having her hair as the most beautiful smell and only 'her' smell – no other woman had I come across had ever had the same smell. The scent drew me in and I leant my head against hers as she shook underneath me...Her cold cheeks resting at the base of my throat...I fought everything inside of me not to flinch at her body moving against mine every moment she attempted to.

The first thing to do now was to get her warm and secondly...We both had a choice, break out of our little haven and go to the party or with the decision being entirely Bella's...I would take her home in an instant back to safety of her house but either way there was no way she was going to be on her own again, tonight.

Anything could have happened as she sat on that pavement and a part of me was pleased to have her safe.

That I can't deny.


	15. Crouching Agenda

**I have to disclose that 'the bet' is something that has happened to me in my life and, writing this is difficult in the sense that I never had the nicer side of an 'Edward' and I want to make this as real as possible. Thank you to everyone who is reading and enjoying this and showing me their support. This fic is opening a few boxes of memories for me.**

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Are you okay?"

The whisper of Edward's voice made my eyes flutter open – I hadn't realised that in my need to get as much warmth from him and his car as possible I had fallen into a very warm sleep.

The realisation of being in Cullen's arms brought my head up and he looked down on me...His eyes wide with how quick I had come back down to earth and away from my dreams.

"Yeah, thanks" I replied as softly as I could manage before easing my way out of his grasp – which he noticed and released me, it was such a thrill to speak properly and have warmth running through my veins once again.

"So, did you still want to go to the party?" he asked me, edging away to his own seat at the back.

"Do we have the time?"

"Yes we do...But then again, I don't want to take you there if you don't feel up to it-"

"Edward...It's fine, I have a phone and my mum can always be on the other end of it after the pressing of a few buttons. Thanks for all of this by the way"

"Trust you to forget a coat" he teased with a small smile, Edward seemed to know that I was a walking disaster already...All I could do then was smile in return – I couldn't be mad at him because my klutziness was not hard to figure out to outsiders.

"I know...I brought one but it is still lying in mum's car"

"Well let's get going, I have a spare coat in the back...Feel free to take it out when we get out the car"

"Thanks...Again"

"No problem" he smiled and climbed out of the car after opening the door and climbed into the driver's side...I bent down and lifted my clutch off of the floor and held it in my lap with both my hands holding it securely in place.

"Bella are you sure this is alright, believe me...I'd be more than happy to drive you home, again?"

Lifting my eyes from my clutch bag, I saw his eyes glare at me from the mirror above his head and I shook my head twiddling with the zip. "Yes, mum and Esme have gone to so much effort to make me look average and so...The least I can do is to try and have fun"

"Bella you look more than just 'average'" Edward answered turning his keys into the ignition and driving off of the pavement.

Sitting in his car, I felt like a movie star being chauffeured by a driver to various places like right now, in the outfit that I am wearing...A fantasy of going to a movie premiere was a possibility – I could never be an actress or become a friend of famous people because they are nothing but ordinary people with demanding jobs and of course, press appeal and tons of screaming fans who want to have just one glimpse of them...A picture and a autograph and signature here and there. Of course, this is me – Bella Swan and the only people who may want to have those things with me were probably friends in a much more relaxed environment at a get-together with a camera or fiddling around with new signatures of the moment.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward asked me from the driver's seat snapping me out of the fantasy of being a well-known person with many friends and a increased sociable nature and back into the reality of getting warmed up and driven to a party with Edward Cullen.

"Nothing" I replied, studying his eyes as they fell from me and back ahead of him at the road...I started to wonder how we both had come from the argument in English to right now, tonight. Cullen was near enough a friend and there was gratefulness from me to him for making me warm.

At the same time...Is this going to last?

I am going to be around the people he associates himself with, will that make everything different? I'm Bella Swan and I do not want to change anything about myself because of the influences and changes in hanging out with different people...Others will have no impact on me but instead let me experience a new side to social life and make me decide on how I want to spend my free time – will parties like this be a situation I will want to continue?

Will I be able to be 'cool'?

Will Edward think I am good enough to be around people that he talks to?

About ten minutes had passed and the car came to a halt...Edward pulled the handbrake and took the keys out of the ignition...I took the blanket off from around my shoulders that he had been kind enough to give me in my coldness and took my bag in one of my hands and used my free one to open the door, it was taken out of my hold however when Edward held it open for me and he had parked in a close of some kind with all the other houses quiet and music blaring from further down the road.

Edward opened the door of his car boot and took something out of it and closed it quickly, locking the car with a button on his keys and I turned behind me to see him place a black coat over my shoulders...I didn't want to refuse and so, I adjusted it properly with one hand. "Thank you"

"You're welcome...You ready?"

I nodded following his lead as he had been here before and walked down the road with him, the thumping speakers and muffled music getting louder and louder each step we took...As we came to a halt, the house at the end of the road was not a house.

Holy hell it was a mansion!

This mansion put celebrities mansions to shame, how rich was this Rosalie person, exactly?

She did seem like the kind of person that had everything and now, seeing the place that she lived in had proved my point I had internally made at the beginning of meeting her and finding out her name.

"Whoa" I stopped and studied the house...Edward stopped beside me.

"There's no need to be scared, Rose gets everything that she wants and it shows...Besides, Seth is going to be here and possibly your other friend from school. If you need me, find me whenever Bella, okay?"

"Okay" I answered giving him one last smile in our own little bubble before following him into the house...Reaching a brown wood door, he rang the bell at the side of the frame and unknowing whether anyone could hear it at all with the noise coming from inside...A woman answered it.

"Hello Magda" Edward greeted her as she suddenly smiled, her eyes lighting up.

"Come in, Mr Cullen" she said in a foreign accent stepping aside for him and biting down on my lip, I followed. "Can I take your coat, miss?" she asked me.

"No thank you" I replied, not wanting to lose a coat that wasn't mine...She closed the door behind me and I looked around the hallway, the music coming from outside the back of the house...Edward turned to face me.

"Don't be scared, Bella...Remember I am going to be around if anything happens-"

"Bella!"

Edward was interrupted by a voice I recognised and Seth came bounding up, a drink in his hand...I watched Edward as he nodded at me and walked away. Instantly, and strangely..I wanted him to stay with me. "You made it!"

"Yeah...It's a party, so I thought...Why not?"

"I am glad you did...So can I get you a drink?"

"Thanks...Anything they have , really" Seth wrapped his arm around me and thankfully I had the coat separating his skin from making any close contact with mine and I walked in his hold towards the back of the house...My ears thudded with the booming of the speakers and we reached a huge kitchen that might as well be the same size as the whole of the outside of the house...Various people turned to look at me, rightfully having smiles on their face because...How can someone like me belong here.

Seth took his arm away from me and I wrapped my arms around myself in self-protection, that and my eyes looking down at my feet not needing to have the burning stares of judgement and bewilderment from the people who do belong in parties like this.

"Here we go!"

I didn't care about whether it was alcohol, perhaps alcohol may be able to take away the nausea in my stomach...Instead, I took the drink and had a swig – the burn aching my throat but never was I going to be able to complain.

"Come outside, that's where everyone is" Seth informed me wrapping his arm around me and leading me outside into the night air.

Of course this house was going to have a pool...I suddenly got scared as to who may want to dunk me in it fully clothed but the best thing was to stay away from it.

"Bella!"

I turned to the right and saw Tor running towards me, my clutch bag was taking up my free hand the one that does not have the drink in it and she wrapped her own arm around me and rested her cheek on mine. "Hello!"

It was official that my friend was a little tipsy but she definitely had more confidence with it so perhaps it was not such a bad thing for her to let loose. "This party is so amazing!" she sang letting out some giddy giggles at her comment.

"Are you having a good time?"

"I am now you're here...How are you doing, Seth...Did you know that people have been mocking his 'inner monologue' since he has been waiting for you-"

"I just wanted to see a friendly face" Seth interjected, the look of pure embarrassment in his features...I had no idea about what to say to that. Why would he have missed me when he knew most of the people here?

"Right...I will leave you ladies to it" Seth said walking away from me and releasing his hold on me instantly.

"Oh I think I have made him angry!" Tor said covering her mouth with her hand.

"Don't worry about it" I replied trying to reassure her.

"Rosalie and Emmett have been in that pool for hours, I'm surprised they haven't done anything yet but with so many people around-"

Ignoring what she was going to finish saying, I looked ahead of me at the pool area...Edward was laughing his bare feet in the water and Emmett was below him his arm around Rosalie, the red head Barbie was near to Edward but she was not looking at him, he was too involved in being entertained by various people some I knew by appearance and others completely unknown to me. Watching him laugh was strange but a nice change at the same time.

"Perhaps they will later on...There are enough sets of couples in there to have a whole bang together"

Tor's mind definitely changed with some alcohol in her system and she was not the same person who can hold a conversation about languages or English Literature classics. "Hey here's another one!"

Turning, I saw the same guy who had shown me his torso in Edward's house earlier today, he handed Tor another drink as she downed the rest of her old one and wasted no time in sipping the next one...There was something not right about this guy.

"Bella, have you met Jacob before?" Tor asked, her words beginning to slur.

"We have seen each other before" Jacob informed her, looking at me briefly up and down – instantly, I wanted to vomit all over him...Obvious much?

"Oh well...Bella is an amazing friend...Jacob has been looking after me all night – been such a Gentleman"

I wanted to scoff...This guy, a Gentleman? I think not!

How can someone so layered as Edward, someone who possesses feelings and genuine interests be friends with a 'Jacob'...Nothing but self-involved and egotistical about pretty much anything?

"I'm sure he has...Will you excuse me?"

Trust me, I didn't want to leave Tor with him but I needed to be alone to get out the strange feelings, and the panic in my system. Jacob was getting my friend drunk and how can I believe that he is being good to her and Gentlemanly when he is practically throwing drinks down her throat and what intentions did he have?

Men like him only want one thing...Sex!

Taking a deep breath...I stepped back into the house, clutching harder to my bag at my side and passed the other guests.

"Hello Bella"

The redhead that had been by the pool moments ago was pouring herself a drink in the kitchen "it was nice of you to come"

"Thanks" I didn't know what to say...She was Edward's Barbie, why did I suddenly think that there must be some kind of hidden agenda as to her talking to me?

Come on, being frank people like her wouldn't spit on me if my body was blazing with fire so why should she make an effort now? Reputation points getting lower, honey!

"So...I saw you came with Edward-"

_Of course – there it was!_

"Yes-"

"He is such a doll when he wants to be...It's a shame that he is so concerned with his reputation too much to make really good friends"

"Listen...I don't know you and to be honest – I know that I don't belong here so...I will stay out of your way and there is no need for you to lose any points being seen with me-"

"Wow...Smooth...Stay out of the way, little girl...Why would someone like Edward want to waste time with you when he is around people like us. This invitation was only a pity one and Emmett is far too busy with Rose to notice you are here. Ta!"

The bitch walked away from me and I fought back the tears, this was some kind of party...I was being judged by people with no soul or any self-respect and I was bothered by this, why?

"What is she doing here?"

"I heard she came with Edward Cullen"

"Why would he bring someone like her, here?"

"She must be trying to get into his pants or something...Who doesn't want to bag Cullen?"

Two females were speaking thinking that the volume was low enough not for me to hear but I could hear every word.

How could I have been so stupid to want to come here and try something new? I had been here five minutes and I wanted to go home. I downed my drink and slammed the glass on the table before walking out of the front door and into the night.

*(An hour later)*

I had been sitting alone in the cold for about an hour, not wanting to go back or having the opportunity to see anyone come out and join me. Well, honestly my haven for the last hour had been in a gathering of bushes in the front garden and so...How could anyone see me?

Brushing down my knees from the grass beneath me...I slowly rose to standing but knelt back down again when I saw Jacob and Tor come out.

"Wow...Night...S...So...Pretty" good lord was she slurring now, she could barely walk in a straight line and Jake was holding her pretty tightly.

"Victoria..Let's not talk about the night" he turned her around in his hold and she gasped when their eyes made contact but the giggle from her mouth indicated that she was too far gone to care.

Jacob cupped her face and brought his lips down to hers...I wanted her and half-expected her to pull away but she responded violently wrapping her arms around his and crashing their chests and torsos together moaning at every move he made against her.

Oh this can't be good!

What could I do..Walk out and pull her away? Where was Edward, or even anyone else when you need them to come and break up this little show...I didn't like where this was going.

Jacob grabbed her leg and hitched it up onto his hip...Which had begun to grind hard against her.

"Oh, oh" she moaned grinding just as hard and fast with him attacking his mouth like an amazing piece of food...How can she be like this?

This wasn't Victoria...It just wasn't!

Like lightening, Jacob's hands ripped apart her blouse and his mouth landed on her chest and it was then that I could not stand by and watch this.

Leaving my bag, thinking that I was going to come back and get it once this was all over...I rushed over to Tor and grabbed her by the shoulders pulling her away from him.

"What the fuck!" Jacob growled.

"Bella, what are you doing?"

"Tor this is not you, okay...Stop this...This might feel good right now but you'll regret it in the morning-"

"Who the fuck are you?" Jake spat...I turned to face him, my arms wrapped around Tor behind me.

"As for you...Do you think it's nice to hit on vulnerable girls-"

"GUYS!"

From the doorway two other guys, the same age as us but ones that I did not recognise at all. "Get rid of this chick!" Jake yelled.

As the men moved, I backed away with Tor behind me.

They were faster.

Both men took hold of me and took me away from the house and into the depth of the woodlands around the close...I screamed, screamed for someone to hear me but Tor had already found her home back in that arsehole's arms and my bag was back in the shrubs.

A hand clamped over my mouth and I could no longer do anything but fight against the guys.

I was in trouble.

_Edward...Edward where are you?_


	16. Saving Tears

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

I was laid down on the floor and as my mouth was released...I scrambled to my feet and threw my fist into one of the guy's eye and watched him fall to the floor and then turned to hit the other one, the splitting of my knuckles on my right hand becoming a problem as both guys had fell to the floor like a sack of potatoes – never did someone put me in a hold like that and then let me go without any kind of explanation.

Without waiting for them to get up and get a kind of talk from two men who are not worth my time – and both too drunk to realise all the letters of the alphabet.

I was more concerned about Tor – I needed to make sure that not one finger is placed on her head by that...Neanderthal. I ran into the house, almost running over the woman who had let us in earlier and rushed out to the back door where I last saw Edward...if anyone is going to know where Jacob was – it was him. Of course either him or Emmett.

Once I glanced at the pool and saw Edward in the same predicament, his arms around the redhead...I was too concerned about my friend to have another fight but the redhead can have her way with me if she wanted to but only when Tor was safe and taken home because watching her attempt to walk in a straight line earlier was hard for me to witness.

Edward frowned as he saw me rush towards him, the speed of my run lowered because of the searing pain in my feet at that point. "Edward, I need a word please?"

I had to plead the redhead was looking at me and Edward had managed to release her and stand up on the poolside coming towards me. "What's wrong?"

"Have you seen Jacob?"

"Jacob...No...Not for a while, why?"

"Look Edward...I don't belong here – most people in your crowd have already made that clear to me and...I need to find Victoria-"

"Who?"

"Victoria...The girl who...Oh never mind, you won't know her...Do you know the best hideouts in this house?"

"There's the bedrooms-"

"Edward, I know that you'd much rather stay down here and if I knew this place then I'd look for her myself but...Victoria's in trouble..At least I hope to God that she isn't but Jacob was making a play at her and let's just say that I left her with her blouse ripped open"

Gradually Edward's eyes widened and he ran past me, I turned and followed him back into the house.

"Stay here" he said holding my shoulders as we both came to a halt at the bottom of the stairs...I opened my mouth to speak but I felt sick when Edward's eyes locked with my red right knuckles. "What happened to you?"

"I punched...Listen, I'll explain everything, later..We just need to find Tor – I am so scared that she has been attacked or something, how is she supposed to realise what is happening when she is so drunk?"

"Okay-" Edward bent down and rolled down his trousers over his half-bare legs from sitting by the pool and I rushed past him up the stairs, gasping at another staircase to another floor next to me as I reached the top.

"You check up there, I'll check here" I said to him as I scanned the landing...Opening every door, first one being a large bedroom which was empty.

I felt like crying, with fear about something that I may have been able to change or make better...The second room was a bathroom...Also empty, there were four more doors and not wanting to go in the direction I was going in...I walked over to the furthest one and it was another bathroom...Bigger than my entire house but now was not the time to look at interior design and feel jealousy at how much this girl had on her plate given to her with waiters and housekeepers hand and foot – some of us were privileged and what can I do about that?

I pulled on the string connected to the light and squinting under the sudden brightness soaring through my tired eyes...I gasped and found Tor lying in front of the large bathtub – her blouse still open but there did not look like there were any injuries from this angle.

Closing the distance between the two of us, I did up the buttons of her blouse as she lay there closed-eyed and motionless unable to speak or do pretty much anything. Please tell me that she had just passed out and Jacob had got bored with the lack of advantages having sex with an unconscious person?

"Tor" I called her, putting my hand on her forehead "Victoria...Can you hear me, it's Bella...Tor?" there was nothing, she was nothing...Full of how much alcohol and with no one here to check on her or to be some kind of good being and help her. This was Rosalie's party why wasn't she checking her house or at least getting one of her paid employers to do it? What kind of world was this to live in and be a part of?

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice outside.

"In here!" I called loudly tapping Tor on the cheek to try and get her to wake up...My hands shaking from the shock of seeing her in this predicament...What kind of person does this to someone like her? Victoria was a good person and in want to be with these people...It's amazing the lengths that people will go to gain acceptance and it hurt me that she was to be treated like this in order to get a perk socially at school.

"I don't know what's wrong with her, she won't wake up!" I said frantically as Edward knelt down beside me. "Has she been hurt and there are injuries that we can't see?"

"We can't worry too much about that, we just need to get her home as soon as possible-"

"I don't know where she lives...God what kind of friend am I...Tor, please honey wake up...It's Bella, you're safe now- nothing is going to happen to you" giving up hope I covered my face in my hands "I could have prevented this...I saw it happening-"

"Bella-"

"I saw Jacob...I saw him rip her shirt and make moves on her against her better judgement, trust me she isn't like this, Edward...Tor is not one of these people who ignore her"

"Let's get her up"

"She may have a phone or something...Perhaps I can ring her parents and ask them where she lives...Edward, have you drunk any alcohol?" I thought taking my hands away from my face.

"No...I said I wasn't going to and I stood by that-" Edward assured me, lifting my friend up from the cold floor and into his arms.

"What about that woman, downstairs?"

"I'll talk to her, let's get Tor to the car and then we can sort everything out...Bella, there is no need to panic we can do this!"

Nodding...I went first out of the bathroom and down the stairs keeping an eye on Edward and the limp body of Victoria in his arms...How could this happen?

I'm Bella Swan this always happens to me!

I held the front door for Edward and followed him to the car down the road...The close was like a whole other world to the party we were just involved in...This part of the world was with civilised people and individuals who would help someone out in a bad situation..Why couldn't some of the people in my sixth-form have some care for others? Are they really that immature?

Opening one of the back seat doors, Edward laid Tor down on the seats and I climbed in, suddenly remembering that my clutch bag was still in the bushes!

"Edward could you get my bag, it's in the shrubs outside the house?"

"Sure" he replied...I closed the door and pulled Tor's shoulders, her head rested in my lap...She was breathing and for sure in a very deep sleep but I was still scared to my bones about what had happened and what her parents might say about all of this.

Letting some of the tears fall, I leant down and kissed her forehead thanking someone up there that she had not gotten into more physical pain. "I'm sorry" I whispered to her my tears falling on her cheeks.

I didn't know how much time had passed, but my door suddenly opened and Edward handed me my clutch...He also had found his shoes and put them on this time. "I have rung her parents...They have given me the address...Is there a chance that she can wake at all?"

"No...I thought that she was unconscious but she is sleeping, there is no way she will be able to wake up...Do you know where her house is?"

"Yes...Bella she is lucky to have a friend like you, you know?" he said making me smile through my wet eyes and drained brain...He closed the door and climbed into the passenger side.

"Oh no, your coat-"

"There's no time for that, Bella" he cut me off...He turned the key in the ignition and sped off...I held onto Tor's side for dear life to stop her from falling from my lap.

This was now going to be the torturous drive to the wrath of her parents.

What were they going to say?

Edward and I were silent the whole way there, both content with the thoughts in our heads and probably both reeling over the aftermath of this night...Never again will I go to another gathering like this one!

Never will I be with those people, again!

After a short drive, the car came to a stop outside some terraced houses...I breathed a sigh of relief that Tor could finally be at home..How was she going to get here if she were still at the party? Would her parents have given her a lift?

I wiped the tears from my eyes with my free hand and Edward gently leant in and took Tor from my lap and of course and at the same time a force of habit, I followed him out of the car and up the quiet front garden.

I took the courage and knocked on the door, milliseconds the door flying open and revealing a very wide-eyed woman whose eyes looked briefly into mine before moving behind me at Tor in Edward's arms.

"Oh my God...Please come in" she said, beside herself and naturally so...My mum would have done the exact same thing and in some ways at her frantic behaviour, Tor's mum reminded me of mine and the thought of my own mother made me feel sick because she was oblivious to what had gone on at all, tonight. I dread to think what she'd say!

Taking slow breaths...I stepped into Tor's house and handed her mum her bag which Edward passed to me as he walked in. "I'm sorry about this...We were both worried about Victoria and wanted to get her home" Edward explained laying Tor down on the sofa as her mum covered her mouth with her hands for a few seconds.

"How can I thank you for bringing her home...I am so very angry at her believe me, she is not usually a drinker-"

"I already know that" I cut her off.

"Oh you must be Bella...Victoria speaks very highly of you-"

"She's my friend, I had to make sure that she was okay...Listen, my number can be found in the phonebook under 'Swan' can you please ring me in the morning and let me know how she is?"

"Of course...Thank you, again"

Nodding, not wanting to receive anymore thanks for a situation that I could have controlled and stopped...I opened the front door and clenched my stomach tight from the threatening sobs and overthrow of emotion bubbling in my body from my head to my toes.

Never in my life had I been so scared, and it wasn't anything that had happened to me!

Not saying a word ...I climbed into the passenger seat and fastened my seat belt, contenting myself to look out the window only listening to Edward climb in and start the ignition plus putting on his own seatbelt.

The two of us didn't know what to say to one another and it was a small comfort to know that he did not seem to want to form any words in his head to talk to me about, either.

Fortunately, the drive home was short and for the third and final time, the car stopped and I unfastened my seat belt letting go of the tears and reaching behind me to grab my bag from the back seats...Then, opening the door. "Are you okay?" Edward whispered to me as I was about to step out.

I turned to him and nodded "thanks" I said, not actually having the ability to say much else.

I walked up to my front door and forged for the keys my mum had gotten cut for me in my bag and opened it.

"Bella?"

Mum called me from the living room, I closed the door and took off my shoes. "Yes, it's me"

"How was it?"

"Fine...I am going to bed, am a bit knackered"

"Alright darling...See you in the morning..Love you"

"Love you too"

As soon as I got into my bedroom...A gasp escaped my mouth as Edward was standing there by the now-opened window and his hands firmly in his pockets...I didn't want to tell him to get out, all I wanted to do was cry.

"I could have stopped it...Why didn't I stop it, Edward?" I sobbed...Throwing my head in my hands and wanting so much to kill myself then and there for not remembering anything that my father had once taught me.

A soft touch to the palms on my face made me lift my head and Edward was towering over me, he moved his hands from mine now at my sides and wrapped them around my neck slowly and bringing me into the warmth of his chest...The gesture was so sweet that my sobs came out then and there against the smell of his shirt and the security of his hands. Why did his arms feel so safe and protective? I hardly knew the guy.

"Bella...None of this is your fault-"

"It is...it is, Tor's going to wake up and.."

"Have a massive hangover...Jacob was the one who got her drunk and don't worry, Emmett will get whiff and have words..Never has anyone been so afraid of someone like Jacob is with Emmett..They're friends but woe betide anyone who steps out of line who knows my brother"

"Edward...Why are you being so nice to me?"

At the silence...I lifted my head from his chest as he then walked me over to my bed...Throwing back my cover and guiding me into it...I sunk into the mattress and turned to the side keeping my eye contact with Edward but pulled my covers up to my neck holding onto them for protection.

"I don't know why...Bella, you're interesting and my behaviour to you has been so fucking awful and I apologise right now-"

"There's no need-"

"Really there is-" with a sigh, he bent down and balanced his weight on his knees. "I don't expect to be your friend...I have screwed up everything else and this party...I only wanted you to have more fun and probably meet more people but once again, I have made the wrong decision. Even though there is a small chance to do anything right by you-"

"Edward...You helped me help my friend...If anything you should be proud of yourself"

"I'm not...I know those people much more than you do and yes, frankly there was a part of me that wanted them to bring you in and accept you because someone like you needs to be given a chance to prove themselves worthy but...You don't belong in that world"

"I know"

"I hate that you don't because anyone can see that there is something different about you-"

"Was the red-head mad that you left?"

"What?"

"The redhead?"

"Oh...That's Tanya"

"Yeah, you're girlfriend right?"

"No...Not exactly...She's someone who I have very wrongly used to...Give me certain...Services-"

"Give you blowjobs?"

"Yeah and...Now, I think what the hell did I do...Tanya is never going to be someone to understand on an emotional level because she has no emotion and no self-morals and neither do I. We make a perfect match but at the same time...I'd never give her the time of day unless I wanted something from her"

"Edward have you ever...Pleasured her?"

He shook his head.

"Have you...Been intimate...Together?"

He shook his head, again. "Wow"

"I know...That's why it's best if we're not friends-"

"What if I want to be your friend?"

"Then...That is your decision but be prepared to dig yourself an early grave"

"You shouldn't think so low of yourself, Edward"

"Bell-"

"No...Please, don't. I mean yes your social circle is not the best but...I believe that inside you're intelligent and funny and...Well, look at us talking now..There is no one else apart from Victoria who I could ever have this kind of conversation with?"

"What about Seth?"

"What?"

"Bella...Do you have feelings for Seth Clearwater?"

"I have an inkling that Seth might like me more than a friend deep down inside him, perhaps I'm wrong and it scares me because the idea of giving my heart to someone is elating but then at the same time...I worry to wake up and for them to see who I am underneath...See the scars, see the flaws and imperfections and then to get my heart trodden on because my feelings grew. No, I don't have any feelings for Seth that go beyond friendship. However, what do I know what love is...I have never been with anyone and so, I'm ill-equipped"

"You're not, you have morals and...You want your first time to be with someone who means a lot to you...That's pretty admirable, Bella"

"Ple-"

"It is...I wish I thought of something like that...Too involved to think about getting higher and higher in school-"

"Why do you do that?"

"I don't know...The idea of people wanting to see me in the mornings...People who get up and go to school for me and the rest of them in the morning is special. I want to have my name called down the corridor and have unknowns know me for who I am-"

"That isn't who you are...That isn't your true self, though is it, Edward?"

"No...Listen there is no need to worry about anything...I will sort out Jacob and, Tor will be there on Monday safe and sound-"

"Thanks to you"

"No...To you...You had instinct and you went for it. Your dad would be proud of you"

Those words hit my heart..."Thank you"

"Goodnight, Bella"

"Goodnight" I watched him bend down and step onto the ladder...I closed my eyes and thanks to him in that moment for talking to me...I slowly slipped under.


	17. Stirring Sleep

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

I couldn't sleep the night I left Bella in her room after the party...

I didn't know what to do and I didn't know what the hell to think...

Bella Swan had never been so unglued and unsure about anything and watching her cry over something that happened to her friend broke my heart. I am Edward Cullen and my heart doesn't get broken, actually there are a good few people who believe that I do not own a heart after what I have done to so many people and frankly, I still didn't think that my friendship was going to be beneficial to Bella.

Come on, who would want to be a friend of mine?

Especially Bella because look at how I got talking to her in the first place...This is all for a bet and against my desires, I had to stay away from her because she'd never forgive me if she found out. It didn't take a genius to know that Tanya had some words with her at the party and of course even though she had windled her way into my arms against my own will – I noticed the stink-eye and the constant glare of anger and jealousy at Bella being near us.

That bitch had said something and believe me, once I got a better night sleep tonight and back at school there was going to be a target to achieve...Ask her what the hell gave her the right to treat Bella that way when she did not know anything about her.

Isabella Swan was once my worst enemy and I'd never throw water on her if she was on fire in those days but in such a short amount of time...She had become a very interesting person to talk to – her eyes were so expressive to what she was feeling and I could stare into them forever.

I was Edward Cullen and I had changed, I still didn't know whether this was a good thing.

I'm screwed...Big time!

~~**~Bella~**~~

Stirring from a very restless sleep...I lifted my heavy weight of a head off my pillow and found Cosmo staring up at me from the floor beneath, his eyes so wide and beautiful and bending down to scoop him into my arms, I scooted over to the side my back against the wall and cleared a space putting him down in the warmth of the spot and watched him curl up his head resting on my mattress.

The one thing that can make me feel better is that puppy...My door had been open most of the night since needing to go to the bathroom and the only time he ever comes to see me is when I am about to wake up. Animals must be intelligent like that...They must have some kind of radar to tell them that their love is needed for a human to wake and my puppy was no stranger to the comfort of my soul and little adorable thing that he still is – he will grow and without Seth giving him to me and having my mum and myself depend on another companion was still one of the nicest things that anyone has ever done for me.

To him, for that one reality...I will always be thankful.

"Bella?"

There was a soft knock on my door and I tore my eyes away from Cosmo to see mum peering inside the door. "How are you?"

"I'm fine" I replied not wanting to go into too much detail about how down and almost emotional I had felt since getting home last night and having a miraculous heart to heart with a Cullen which of course was doomed impossible but now the world and my life have decided to throw me into things, I'd sooner stay out of.

"Would you like some breakfast?"

"No thank you...Are you planning on seeing Esme, today?"

"There have been plans of lunch in the works but at the moment ...I have to wait until she gets home from work...So, tell me was the party everything that you expected?"

"Yes and no"

"What do you mean?"

"Well...I didn't expect for the house to be so large but, the people that I imagined would be invited were and so...It was not so bad"

"More in the works?"

"No...I am going to stay away from that scene for as long as possible...If you like, I can make some lunch-"

"Oh honey there is no need-"

"Please, I would like to have something to do...How about my pasta?"

"Only if you are sure that you want to make it-"

"I'm sure"

"Well...Thank you my darling...Is there anything you need from anywhere?"

"No"

"Okay, do you mind if I go for a walk...For once the weather looks promising and so I want to make the most of it...Did you want to come with me?"

"No thank you...You go and I'll start preparing"

"Alright, sweetheart...If anything happens just go next door, alright?"

"Sure"

Mum walked away from the door and I groaned, needing to get up and scrambled off of the bed, minding not to disturb Cosmo's much needed how many hours of sleep he had in his itinerary for the day. Luckily, I did have a friend and my family had never been people to have the need for pets...We were not those types of people and of course we would never have known any different if we hadn't had the fortune of having Cosmo.

Blinking away the rapid and surrounding tiredness both internally and externally in my body, I stumbled to the bathroom across the hall and locked the door behind me. Perhaps a shower may take away the exhaustion and wake me up if only a little to make the dinner, with it being a Sunday...There is always an option of going back to sleep instead of doing anything and this option seemed to be comforting because...It has never been considered before because with my school work, I bogged myself down by choice to ensure that everything got done ahead of time.

Turning on the water, I stepped straight in wincing at the cold water coming through before it began to heat up nicely...As I gazed at the temperature dial I was suddenly reminded of my father and how to wake himself up in the Godforsaken hours of the morning to go into work he'd have a freezing cold shower – the change drove mum and I mad because we always expected the water to be warm and dad to have taken the initiative and turned the dial back but somehow it never happened.

I grabbed my shampoo and lathered my hair, the water was too nice and if I was not quick in getting clean there is a chance of falling asleep and banging my head probably giving myself a concussion and facing the doctors and nurses in the A&E department naked with only a towel if someone wrapped me in one. After last night, there was no taking the risk of accidents or getting myself into pigs-ear situations that may danger and change the lives of others...Last night can never happen again.

Lastly the conditioner from my hair and the body wash was soaked away from my body by the cascading water as I watched the suds fall down and swirl the drain...The one indication for being too sleepy is when I found amazement in a small, everyday thing that never once had I gazed at before – useless amazement in other words and this was not good...Especially now I had the lunch to do.

Mum was getting better at the cooking thing, but her and my dad had always liked my pastas and there was a small part of me that liked to make them, too...Esme was becoming a very good friend and support for my mother and it would be a great thing to try and get to know her better if only to have her as a support for me if worst came to the worst.

Always helps to be prepared.

I turned off the water and stepped out, taking my towel off of the radiator and wrapping it around myself, basking in the heat soaking through the small fibres of the cotton material...Thankfully, there were no visitors to see me in my lack of attire and so...I walked back to my room freely and closed the door, Cosmo let out a small but deep snore from my bed and it seemed rude to make my bed with him in it. Stepping over to my wardrobe, I picked out my favourite pair of black jeans and a band T-shirt which was my lounging around shirt, I didn't want to wear all comfy clothes for lounging because the chances were that something was going to come up and I'd have to endure changing my outfit.

I took my hair-band off of my bedside table and wrapped it around the top of my head, pulling back the centre of my hair but leaving the front and back free to fall as it wished to...My hair was never nicely done and did not indicate that I ever spent more than ten minutes on it...This was my usual ritual letting it dry naturally – my curls were much more prominent but it saved time and hassle with products and appliances that I could never hope to afford even if I wished to.

Sitting down on the bed, I placed one sock on my foot and then the other one, wishing that I also had some slippers or plimsolls just in case the floors downstairs proved to be too cold for my covered feet but as it is – no such luck. Happy with the choice in outfit and of course the choice of having the plainest and dullest underwear possible underneath my top and trousers...I walked out of my room balancing the towel I used for my body to the bathroom and hanging it back on the radiator in its usual place and made my way downstairs.

For some odd reason, the birds outside seemed much more vocal this morning but it was nice not to have to walk around and skulk in the silence...Reaching the kitchen...I flipped on the kettle making a note to have a cup of tea...I know, a typical English thing but caffeine was needed in my system only in extreme circumstances and if Esme was going to taste my food, I needed to ensure I was awake to hear the compliments or the vomiting.

Opening the fridge, I was glad that there was already some mince in there defrosted from the other night...Saving time to cook it chilled rather than having to wait for it to thaw...I took out an onion and some tomato ketchup, there was no tomato puree and so this was the easiest substitute.

Laying out all the ingredients on the side as well as reaching for two tins of tomatoes in the cupboard...I began to cut the onions.

The sting in my eyes will definitely keep me awake!

~~**~Edward~**~~

*(Two hours later)*

"Em...Get up!"

Typical caveman...How the hell he had gotten home with his jeep still in one place was beyond me...My brother could be a force of nature at the best of times...He was slumped on his mattress snoring loudly his mouth wide open...My brother in the morning was definitely a sight to behold...Any girl who thought that he was remotely handsome or for their taste needed to see him like this to have some chance of being swayed by that impression and judgement.

"What?" he groaned, his head must be thumping like mad...If he had alcohol of course, when I left he had not touched any but at the same time, I did not hear him come home last night so anything may have happened.

"Emmett...Mum will be home soon, at least look somewhat average for when she comes in-"

"I don't care, Edward-"

"You know how wound up she gets about us touching alcohol-"

"What the fuck...We're old enough"

"That doesn't matter-"

"Edward, fuck off!"

"No...Get up, now...I need to talk to you about the party-"

"Fine...As long as I don't have to move"

"Well, it involves a friend of Bella's...Her name is Victoria-"

"That geek...What did she do?"

"The question is what did Jacob do-" Emmett's eyes opened slowly as the realisation of Jacob's name entered his mind...He frowned and looked up at me.

"Jacob?"

"Victoria was given too many drinks at the hand of your friend and, to cut a long story short...Bella ends up with injured knuckles and Victoria is lying passed out on one of the bathroom floors"

"What the fuck...Jake?"

"Yeah, he could have attacked either Victoria or Bella and where was Rosalie if it was supposed to be her party-"

"Jesus...Don't worry, Ed...I'll sort out Jacob...How could he be such an idiot...I knew he was too self-involved for his own good. He is a prick sober but with alcohol in him, I stay well clear!"

"Okay...Well...Get up for mum, at least"

"Alright"

Satisfied that my orders had gone into his brain, I left his room and went back into my own before laying on my bed and opening my 'lyric' book...I glanced once out of my window across at Bella's and found her blinds closed, she must still be asleep.

I didn't blame her, after last night...I would be as well.

~~**~Bella~**~~

Proud inwardly at my achievements of getting the sauce done...I poured some penne pasta from the bag and into the hot water in the pot on the hob...The least I could do is to finish the sauce and the pasta and then have some time to myself.

"Hello...Only us!" mum sang from the front door.

"In here" I replied stirring the pasta in the hot water waiting for it to soften slowly.

"Hello Bella!" I turned to see Esme with a wide smile for me. "I want to say thank you in advance for making lunch for us"

"Oh you're welcome...Please come and sit down...Would you like a drink, the kettle has just boiled?"

"Well...before I take up your kind offer...I was wondering if I could ask you something"

_Me...What could Esme possibly want me to answer?_

"Sure"

"Would you mind if I invited my sons to lunch...I wish them to spend the day with me as they were out gallivanting till God knows what hour last night-"

Esme must have not realised or been told that Edward had done me a service and took us both home earlier than what he was personally used to with parties.

"Oh...Will they want to?"

"They have to...Besides, your mother swears that you are quite the cook and, my sons need to have some wholesome food believe me they never have anything I make them...Always chocolate and sugary things. Do you have enough for two more people?"

"Yes...I am not particularly hungry, anyway so...I shall set the table for four"

"Are you sure my dear?"

"Yes of course"

"Oh you are a doll...If only Emmett and Edward had the same hospitality as you do-"

"Esme...I am no hostess, I just like to make food"

"I can't wait to taste it...Right, I shall go and fetch them...Thank you ever so much again, Bella"

"You're welcome"

"You should be very proud of her, Renee!" I heard Esme exclaim near the front door before walking through it...Mum closed it behind her and gave me a beaming smile as she joined me in the kitchen.

"Do you need a hand with anything my darling?"

"Mum could you set the table for me...Four?"

"You're not eating"

"No...I will save some spare to put in the fridge for later...Don't worry, I will have something"

"Okay"

Mum set to work on the table as I continued to stir the pasta turning around to have a small amount of privacy to cringe a little at the idea of having two of the popular guys in school taste my culinary attempts.

Ignoring my mind once again, I gathered four plates and set them on the side ready to dish up along with a collider to pour the pasta in to once it was finished.

The doorbell rang and I went to get it, opening it to see Esme...Emmett and Edward behind her, Emmett looking more tired than I felt but Edward looking his usual self. "Come in" I said to them avoiding Edward's gaze...I had no idea what to do or say to him after last night, of course I appreciated everything that he did but will his friends want to know that he had helped me?

Does his brother have any idea of what he did? My guess was...NOT!

I stepped to the side letting the three members of the lunch party walk through and each removed their shoes. "Come into the kitchen" I informed them, walking ahead and grabbing the spoon in the pot...Stirring it again, there was about five more minutes left to make sure that the pasta was soft but not chewy and as my back was turned I heard my mum greet the boys enthusiastically.

Did they not want to be here...I'd hate to think that they'd sit down and listen to my mum when they secretly wanted to batter her around the head and make an escape? They did not have to be here but at the same time, if I could one whiff of news that they had been rude to my mother my actions would not be accounted for and all thoughts of friendship would end up down the drain with the boiling pot water.

"Hey"

I jumped and turned to the side, Edward was leaning against the counter a small smile on his face "sorry"

"That's alright...How are you?"

"Tired didn't get much sleep last night-"

"I'm sorry about the two of you having to be here...Your mum is hard to refuse..Well, I can't refuse her"

"Don't worry...Emmett seemed okay to agree to it and well, it's not like him so we are all embracing the change. Did you sleep well?"

"Not really...The shock was still around me and all I could think about was Tor on the bathroom floor and-" I stopped myself remembering that the others could hear our conversation.

"Thanks for making this for us, Bella" Edward said finally as he walked away from me and back to the table.

Edward Cullen just kept on changing and not all of it, admittedly for the bad.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I turned off the hob underneath the pot and took the pasta and the collider over to the sink balancing it on the smaller gap and drain to the two drained appliance and poured the water through the holes of the collider minding not to burn myself and put the moist penne into a serving dish and fetching another one to put the pasta sauce into...The 'guests' were deep into conversation about school and future careers and it was nice to flip in and out of what the answers and questions were.

"Bella this looks amazing!" Esme commented as I put the two dishes down in the middle of the table and grabbed some spatulas from the drawer and into the dishes.

"Tuck in...I hope you like it" I said, I was about to go to my room for much needed privacy when the door rang...I walked out of the kitchen and opened the front door.

"Seth...Hi" I greeted my friend, also inhabiting some dark rings under his eyes.

"Hey Bella...Can I talk to you?"

"Yeah come in"

"Um...alright" he said hesitantly stepping into the house and following my lead into the kitchen my gaze went to the floor as mum spoke.

"Seth...How are you...Would you like some food?" I didn't want to see Edward and Emmett's faces the judgement was too much to think about especially from Edward who had found some common ground with me.

"No thank you"

"Oh come on, there's enough..Bella made it for us especially"

_Everybody cue the blush!_

"I am sure it's great...Bella can I please speak with you, alone?" he said quietly...I snapped my head up and nodded putting a hand up to my mum to silence her suspicion and stepped out into the living room with Seth.

"Sorry about that-"

"No Bella...I need to say this and I know that you're not going to like it but...I can't not say it, anymore"

"Alright...What is it?"

"I am in love with you, Bella"


	18. Vulnerable Attempts

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

_I am in love with you Bella_

_I...Am...In...Love...With...You...Bella..._

_In love..._

_With you..._

"Bella?"

Snapping out of the shock thought shower, Seth was standing in front of me still the both of us outside...Honestly, his confession felt like the whole world had either come crashing down or I had been taken into some kind of fantasy world unlike reality – but nothing had changed...There was just an angry swarm of butterflies mixed with sickness in my stomach as an aftermath.

"Please...Bell...Now would be the time to say something...Anything...Please?" Seth's voice was breaking and even though I wanted to cry from a toss between sadness for feeling sympathetic towards my good friend in such a vulnerable state but also cry with happiness because I had never once had those three words said to me before and it felt really nice that someone could love me and that I am not completely ugly in appearance and useless in personality.

This was Seth and he had been so nice to me since I met him and his dog on my way home from the bad day at school...I didn't know what to do.

"Come with me" I managed to stutter turning and walking back into the house...The tears were threatening to fall from my eyes because the words 'I love you' sound even better in real life than they do on film through a script and through the voice of a paid actor. Even though, deep down I can never say at this precise moment in time that I felt the same way about Seth.

The best option is to talk, now...If only I can be a woman and find some...Seth was already looking like he was going to throw himself off of a cliff. Think, Bella, think!

Slowly passing my oblivious mum and our guests, Seth followed me up to my room the two of us in a death silence as our thoughts ran the show – opening my door, Cosmo yawned and lifted his head.

"Hey little monster!" Seth exclaimed sitting down beside the puppy and somehow, feeling very much awake from his how many hours of sleep...Cosmo stood up and walked into Seth's lap curling himself up in the middle of his knees...Seth's hands occupied themselves with Cosmo's little head.

"Listen, Seth...I really don't know what to say-" I paced around the room not wanting to have some comfort because even if I were to sit down...I'd stand back up again and make things worse.

"Bella...Would it help if I explained?"

Nodding slightly thankful that I would not have to make a monologue to let him down – I sat down on the floor hugging my knees to my chest in an attempt to secure myself from the emotion that will be around me in the room.

"I know it's stupid and there is no need for anyone to tell me that I am doing something wrong here...Bella...Where do I start...From the moment Nellie knocked you down your always in my mind every minute of every day and trust me, I have tried to stop it to make myself feel a little better and my heart not to sink so much when I am in your company but it's impossible. Bella Swan you're the most beautiful, caring, kind and generous young woman I have ever known and I see a lot of young women around but you're so amazingly different. I can only hope, however it is a long shot that there may be a chance for me to prove to you that this...What I am feeling is true...I dream about you every night, I think about those stunning eyes and rosy plump lips and itch to kiss you so badly whenever I am around you...Look at me, I am not a Cullen and not generally considered to be the best looking guy in the school but...Give me a chance, Bell...Please?"

The tears had fallen right at the beginning when Seth said 'always in my mind' it was their cue and...His words were genuine and his eyes showed that to me...How many opportunities am I going to get to have someone as nice as him blurt out those kinds of words to me?

How many men will ever be as genuine as that?

Seth lifted a sleeping Cosmo from his lap and slowly closed the distance between he and I keeping his eyes constantly locked on my own...He bent down slowly probably in awe of my sudden escape from his...What's the word...Advances but I was stuck to the spot, too much in a trance in what was happening to me that I barely knew what the day was anymore. All regular and understandable English thinking had gone straight out of my head and in replacement was nausea for what he might do or say next.

This was a young guy bearing his heart out to me and all I can do is stare and gape...Great friend I am!

Seth's breathing was slow but ever so slightly shaky as he brought his hands up in front of me balancing his weight on his knees – my head lifted voluntarily – the wetness of my eyes evident but I couldn't blink them away or wipe them, too much in shock.

"Bella" he whispered my name so beautifully and it was hard to keep the sobs at bay at the gentle hold he had on my face as he held me...Like some kind of expensive treasure. "I want to kiss you" he added moving his eyes from mine to my lips which were parted slightly by what was going on.

"Seth...I will be bad at it" I can't back out, his eyes drew me in and there was no hope of going back...I had never kissed a guy or girl for that matter and I had not gone through the practising on the back of my hand, either. Damn what was wrong with me?

"That's not possible" he replied in a whisper as he brought his head closer...I closed my eyes and waited for the dreaded moment to find out if I am definitely a bad kisser and a true representation of my inexperience.

Lightly, Seth's lips touched my own and the feeling was strange...He kissed me once pushing slightly on my parted lips before bringing his head away from my lips...The heat from my lips at the gesture inched my head forward on instinct...I was not going to be in control of my own body because..I could not deny that it felt nice.

Our lips came back together a little more forcefully this time as all the areas of my top and bottom lips were covered by his...The kiss was sweet – not the kind of attacking animal divulge that sometimes can be shown on the televisions where the couple just look starved and decide to attack and devour their mouths.

I backed away from him last time, my breathing picking up at the shock of actually kissing someone not of the same sex or a member of my own family, having a Grandmother who insists that her granddaughter always kiss her on the mouth becomes a awful reality after time, especially when that granddaughter starts to go through puberty and changing!

"It's alright...Bella it's alright" he whispered moving his hands from my face and wrapping them around my neck bringing me closer...Seth had soft lips of course I have to make mental notes on every new experience and instead of trying to enjoy it...Over-think everything instead!

Our lips connected but this time not backing away, both sets of mouths moving in unison up and down slowly but gently opening them further...There was no other feeling like this, a great kind of weird is what I am putting down as kissing...It became clear to me as I let Seth lead the kiss that he may want to start moving his tongue around.

Should I go with it...Can I back out, now?

Seth's tongue poked my bottom lip and alarm bells went off in my head...I could not be ready for that – besides, if this kiss carries on for one thing it could go anywhere in unknown pastures for me and secondly Seth will think that I am enjoying it.

Believe me, I enjoyed it but...I did think that kissing was supposed to feel more electric than this, like one person did not have to do the chasing and leaning in all the time but both people having a shared, equal role in how they kiss...Am I wrong?

Backing away from him, I took myself out of his hold and stood up onto my feet...My legs were like jelly and I began to wonder whether this was what kissing does to the body? How am I supposed to know anything?

"Sorry" I breathed out taking a lock of hair in my index finger and thumb and twirling it around to try and hide the embarrassment of Seth stopping what he must have wanted to do.

Seth stood up then, too and smiled in assurance at me running his hand along my face "I am sorry...That was too fast"

"No...It was nice...Great, even but...Seth, you don't really know me and I do not know that much about you"

"Well...Ask me anything and I'll tell you" he replied happily...There didn't seem to be any anger or disappointment in my stopping the kiss but it bugged me that he would want to do that with someone like me who has known for what...A week? A little less than that.

Was love that quick to come to an individual?

"Bella...What are you thinking?"

"I'm...How, Seth I mean...Look at me, I am nothing but ordinary-"

"You're not ordinary, Bell...You're different there is a naturalism about you...Nothing you do or say is fake and everything you do is for the benefit of others"

"How do you know that?"

"It doesn't take much to figure you out, Bella Swan..." Seth trailed off his speech but came closer to me..My back was against the wall but I did not back into it out of fear well okay maybe a little fear but more fear for myself and how to handle this because...None of this seemed real – I am going to wake up and realise that the Cullen's aren't in my kitchen and mum is waiting for me downstairs to join her for the day.

"I love your chocolate coloured hair smelling of strawberries.."He trailed his fingers through a few stands of my hair gently "I love your expressive eyes...When you look into them you know what you're thinking" his fingers moved from my hair to the ring under one of my eyes. "I love everything about you, Bella"

"I don't think this is right...I don't want to get into something that I may end up wondering what I am doing"

"You're scared, Bell...There's nothing wrong with that but...I will look after you...I want to look after you, the last thing I want is for you to fear me"

"It's not you I'm scared about...It's me. I can't know what it's like to give my heart to someone and have the risk of them treading all over it...My dad told me never to trust anyone with my heart unless there was a real need for me to do so and this is not you, Seth...Because-"

"Bella...Will you at least allow yourself the opportunity?"

"I wish I could...Because, you're the guy I'd probably give it to if things hadn't gone so badly in my life and last night-"

"What happened last night?"

"Nothing that you need to be concerned about...But, I learnt something last night that only now I can admit to myself...Not everyone can be trusted or believed"

"That's your way of thinking...I'd never for one moment hurt you but of course...As your friend, I will respect your decision even though it will be hard to deny it hurting"

"Trust me when I say that I never want anyone to be hurt over something I have done or said but...There are other things in my life that need some attention. A job, some more money coming in and...Well, my studies"

"I understand but...You're not going to be in school, forever"

"No but the higher I go the more success I'll have and...I'd never be a good girlfriend"

"Nonsense..I don't ever believe that for one moment"

"Of course you wouldn't..Because you see me as something that I'm not – having nice smelling hair and in your words nice eyes are not enough...I fall over all the time and, I like privacy and rather than live real life I'd sit with my head in a book just to escape. I am an introvert"

"I don't care...Bella I don't care about all the things you aren't..No one is perfect and I am far from boyfriend material because of the people that I talk to but...I am not like them"

"No...I know that, already...-"

"Bella..Are you alright in there?" Mum had to go and interrupt the conversation...I groaned and lifted up my hands needing to hit something remotely near to get rid of the anger.

"Sorry, mum always has the best timing"

"Don't worry...I am sorry if I came across forward..I'd never force you into anything and I really hope that this little conversation doesn't make things awkward between us"

"Seth...I admire your honesty and I do deep down wish that I could return the feelings but...Right now, I am not sure of anything and making you believe that I love you in return wouldn't be fair – especially when there is someone out there who is worthy of your feelings"

"Thanks Bell...You really are amazing and...Some guy is going to be so lucky to have you"

"Bella?"

I leant over and opened the door, Seth stepped backwards and his eyes locked with the doorway...Mum peered around the door at me after seconds of silence.

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes, mum..Seth and I were just talking-"

"About school next week" Seth added...I smiled at him discreetly thanking him for coming up with a fast excuse he must know already how suspicious my mum gets and come on, a guy in the room with her daughter no way was she going to believe just from my mouth that we were just 'talking'.

"Ah, Seth there is some food left please come and have some?"

"No thank you very much but I have already disrupted everyone's day..I'll see you at school, Bell"

"Yeah..Bye Seth"

The twinge of sadness was difficult to erase as I saw him walk out of my room and hear him descend the stairs, I took a deep breath and blinked away the tears at how much of a vulnerable state he had put himself into. Why did I feel so bad?

"Oh come on you" thinking mum was talking to me, I lifted my head but saw her take a sleeping Cosmo off of the bed and turn to me. "He really is a nice boy, Bella...It would be great to find someone like him"

"There is no need to plan anything, mum...Seth and I will never be together"

"Why not?"

"Let's just say...I can't be with anyone if I don't from my heart know that I love them...I don't know what love is but at the same time...Love is something you feel and you can definitely pinpoint. Seth will always be my friend"

"Alright, honey..Well...I am here if you need to get anything off your chest"

"How are the Cullens?"

"Oh praising your food from the rooftops...They are all concerned about you, though-"

"I'll be down in a minute"

With a small smile, mum walked out with our puppy in her arms and I took a few milliseconds to ponder and ensure that she was downstairs then I walked out of the bedroom and into the bathroom..Leaving the door ajar and bending down over the sink.

Fighting back the emotion, I turned on the cold tap and cupped my hands to splash some over my face needing to wake myself up and be discreet about what had happened...It was bad luck that I never had been given the right genes to possess the ability to lie so, instead pretence was going to be the only option that and a quick mind to change subjects.

After wetting my face and rubbing the back and front of my neck...I turned off the tap and stood back upright.

"Oh" I gasped seeing Emmett in the hallway leaning against the wall.

"Sorry...Your mum said I could use the loo" he informed me.

"That's alright...Come in..I was just coming downstairs-"

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah...Fine"

"You sure?"

"Yeah..Thanks, Emmett"

"No problem...Oh, Bella...If you ever need someone besides your mum to talk to then...Edward and I are always here"

"Thank you...That means...A lot"

"You're welcome"

Stepping out of the bathroom..I made my way downstairs into the living room.

Esme and Edward were on the sofa playing with Cosmo who was awake and alternating between whose lap to sit on..Mum must have been in the kitchen as there was some banging around. Edward looked up at me and smiled along with Esme.

"Your food really is amazing, Bella...I will have to hire you for some of my husband's work parties sometime!"

"Oh Esme...Thank you but, I don't want to go into cooking as a profession"

"Well...A hobby, then?"

"Maybe"

"Thank you Bella..It really was great...I think Emmett finished it off completely, though-" Edward commented and I didn't hold back the laugh. Judging by Emmett's size it was clear he was no stranger to second or third helpings.

"As long as it was eaten..It's fine"

"Well...We must have you round for dinner next weekend, Bella...My husband is back to see us for a long weekend and I would very much like him to meet you and your mother"

"Thanks Esme that sounds great!"

Mum must have already agreed to it so how could I respectfully decline?


	19. Slippery Situations

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

**Mondays:** _Double English Literature – E6 Miss Osborn_

_Double Free – Independent Study_

_Double Biology – S7 Mr Mansfield_

Of course, the day yesterday went differently to what I had originally thought it would – Emmett and Edward were being surprisingly pleasant to me and, as strange as this sounds...I have never once seen my mum laugh so much in one night even when my dad was still alive and if there was ever any doubt in her head about the personalities of her friend's sons and their general politeness has all gone out of the window. The Cullen boys officially gained brownie points from my mother and should I be pleased about that?

I knew far more about what the two of them got up to and perhaps preferred to do rather than spend the evening with their mum, my mum and me – but they were nice that's all I can really ask for.

"Alright buddy, I have to go to school...I will be back later, you be nice to the person coming in to check on you won't you?"

A sleeping Cosmo continued to snore after I waited stupidly for an answer – there was sometimes where I wished that animals could be more like people and understand the English Language – kind of like an animation movie with separate characters living a full action-filled life. Giving up and secretly not liking the fact that mum's 'friend' from her bar job had offered to come and watch our puppy when both mum and I were out this morning mum and her had intentionally swapped shifts in order to make sure that Cosmo was looked after properly. He was a member of the Swan family, now.

I left the living room, bringing my hair out from the collar of my v-neck and picked up my bag from by the front door with the correct equipment for the day ahead and hauled it over my shoulder...Mum was still asleep – well she may have been just upstairs but for a change, I was the one who had gone downstairs first this morning...Intentionally, I put some more coffee into our machine because mum was prone to morning caffeine and then, without having the desire to eat – I stepped out into the morning air in my comfortable shoes possible for the walk and started on my journey.

I had closed the front gate to our front path behind me when a voice stopped me in my tracks.

"Hey Bella" it was Emmett, he had come over from his jeep and stood close in front of me his hands in his pockets and his feet shuffling from side to side a little beneath him. "How are you, today?"

I hated to think about it, or even make a thought about Emmett's obvious display of nervousness because frankly, it was a little adorable and entertaining...Why was he so nervous with me, I was a normal person – sometimes that stood to reason but generally I was not a bad person and there was no reason for anyone to feel like they might not know what to say to me...This is Emmett however so, anything is possible.

"I'm fine...Is there something I can help you with?"

"No...I realised that yesterday I forgot to say how sorry I was about the whole football incident-"

The rest of Emmett's apology drowned out when I realised that I had not even thought twice about the football match, looking after Tor at the party and having Seth tell me his true feelings had taken me away from the fact that I had been pissed at Emmett for hitting me in the head with a football.

"Oh...I had forgotten about that, it's fine-"

"I swear it was an accident-"

"Don't worry, Emmett...I was annoyed at the fact that your brother had come up and spoken to me when there was however many square metres elsewhere in the whole field for him to sit and he makes the choice to sit next to me...That's all"

"Sure...Well, did you enjoy it?"

"What...Sitting next to Edward or the game?"

"The game" Emmett replied cracking a smile at the double meaning of his question.

"From what I saw...Good, but to be honest I am not the best person to be talking about football because I cannot hold a conversation in that topic"

"Fair play, did you want a lift to school, today?"

"No thanks...I prefer to walk"

"Alright, well I'll see you around later, then?"

"Yeah sure...See ya"

Giving as much of an enthusiastic wave as possible...I drowned out what had just happened figuring it was much easier for my mental health if I keep my general habit of thinking to a minimum and headed on-route to school not minding at all the slight bite from the cold morning breeze and my still not owning a good enough coat to grace the corridors of the school with..At least not the kind that anyone no matter how much reputation they have would ever consider a good item of clothing. What did I care about trends? Trends may not be my thing at least the latest fashions weren't but in all fairness, I did not want to be wearing something that I last wore when I was small enough not to have my own opinion on what clothing I put on my body.

As I walked – my mind rested on Tor and whether or not she was going to be well enough to return to school...Or whether she had enough memory of the night to make her swear off men for at least a good ten years. Poor soul did not deserve any of that and of course, one might argue and say that alcohol is a choice of self and an infliction on a liver by sole meaning but, Tor was not the kind of person generally going around and getting drunk at goodness how many hours each night...She was better than that and I hoped to God that she was alright and even if she wasn't going to come back today then at least she will be coming soon.

The walk took quicker than usual possibly because I did not glance once around me at the sights and instead locked myself away in my mind worrying and thinking, the only things I seem to ever do these days...Mum was certainly chirpier than when we had first moved our boxes out of the van on our first day living here and so, there were some things to feel very good about – I was starting to get into the mind-set of wondering whether she will find another person to spend her life...I haven't ever thought about or spoke about this until she had told me after my father had dies but my mother is a bisexual and so, I use the term 'person' because I may never know if she wishes to spend the rest of her life with a man or a woman and to be honest...I don't care either way because her happiness is much more important. Hell, if the person she did choose to be with hurt her then they will definitely have me to answer to.

That, my mum's happiness is also important to me but, will I ever be happy? I had an opportunity to have someone else to share my life with in Seth but can you say the term 'sharing life' when I am this age...Does it matter how old you are? I hadn't seen Seth since and it was a Godsend somewhat because it took the awkwardness away but there was a small part of me that missed talking to him – will we ever be able to go back to the way we were?

It's not that Seth is a bad person – far from it...I believe with all my heart that he is a good person and will make someone very happy and feel very loved wherever he is and whatever he decides to indulge in as a career in the future but there was no 'spark'. I finally found the right word but even in my head it sounded stupid...Does anyone my age understand the meaning of a spark I mean, with certain couples no matter what the status or level of their relationship sparks can be seen radiating from them, nothing but love even with my parents it was there and yes, I may have disclosed my mother's sexual preference but it didn't matter because she did love my father and I was a child fortunately conceived out of love so...Can that happen for me with someone besides Seth? Or have I completely ruined any chance of it by declining Seth's attentions and pouring of his heart to me?

So indulged in my head, I narrowly missed a smacking in the face of the reception doors as two students walked through them they were too occupied in conversation to notice me but they must have acknowledged something standing in front of them because one of them held the door for me. Ignoring the screaming of my mind, I took a deep breath and entered the school building never once stopping as I walked the way to my locker.

The common-room corridor was the noisiest out of them all and it began to sink into my head as to why the sixth-formers had their own corridor well pretty much half of it because of the level of noise and also missing the chance of seeing younger students drooling all over the male students in the sixth because they may have tried to be discreet but I know that they do it.

Opening my locker and ignoring the various buzz of chatter in the common room, I put my whole bag in and took out my English book along with my assignment sheet stuck to the inside of the cover and also my notebook and pencil case and balanced all of them on my arm.

A tap on my shoulder caused a gasp to come out of me and the arm to keep my things close to me to fall on the floor with a small thud. "Oh sorry, Bella" I peered around my locker, my eyes wide to see Tor smiling apologetically at me before she bent down to pick my things off of the floor.

"Tor...You're okay!" I exclaimed smiling for her and also the relief I felt inside at how much I had worried about her at the party.

"No thanks to you" she replied smiling wider and handing me my things back, which I took. "My mum informed me about you and Edward bringing me home – I don't remember much about that night and all I can say, believe me I wish so much that I could but...From the bottom of my heart and for what it may be worth...Thank you...Bella...Very much"

"Oh Tor..Really, I was worried about you and...Honestly none of it could be done...I would never have been able to take you home without Edward-"

"Which is why I will be thanking him later, but I have something for you-"

"There is no need to give me anything-"

Tor put up her hand, her signal immediately stopping my trail of speech "I know, and of course there was a chance that I may of had to insist which is why, you will be pleased to know that I did not spend anything."

In defeat, I sighed and nodded...Watching my friend as she fumbled through her pocket and pulled out a square device with white earphones attached to it, luckily I hadn't been too sheltered to realise what she was giving me and how much they cost. "No...Tor I can't take that" I insisted shaking my head.

"Relax...I have a newer one and, mum insisted that I throw this but after I paid so much for it when it came out...I didn't want to waste it and well, music is a part of my soul and the music I have love for is any with meaningful and relatable lyrics and nothing that is a part of the fashion these days. I know that I do not know your taste but you have a kindness in you and a deep heart because sometimes you are so in your head, Bell that I am hoping that some of the things I have on here appeal to you. Please take it" Tor finished with a small pout but it was enough to make me crumble, how could I refuse anything when people pull out the pout and the sad puppy-dog eyes?

Taking the iPod Nano from her, I pressed the play button and the screen lit up as I studied it, Tor continued to speak "there is a playlist on there for whatever mood you feel like, sad, angry, thoughtful...Basically whatever you feel like listening to when you cannot bear to be inside with your own thoughts anymore"

I didn't make the effort to look at what she was referring to because there wasn't much time before my English lesson, instead...I turned it off and put it safely inside my bag once opening the door struggling a little with the balancing of my things on one of my arms...I closed the door and locked it popping my key in it's usual confinement of my pencil case and turned back to her.

"Well...In that case, thank you very much, Tor"

"Don't thank me...Trust me, I am never going to one of those parties again...You're right Bella, people like the Cullens and their bitches of Rosalie and Tanya do not belong in my own world and it's about time I realised that...This kind of thing does have a way of showering a person with reality"

"That's good, but don't rule out parties, forever...perhaps one with different people next time" I suggested linking my arm in hers.

"Sounds great!" she smiled as we walked as far as we could together before separating to our separate lessons.

"I hope you all had a fantastic weekend...Now, I have a task set for all of you before we start the first module of the coursework...I would like you all to take a piece of paper out of the hat I will be passing around to each of you and written on each piece of paper has different essay questions relevant to that of Wuthering Heights, the word limit is three thousand words and don't worry...I am only asking for a first draft by next week just to see where everyone is on essay writing and whether I need to give some help to certain people who struggle"

_Thank God!_

Essays were things I found no difficulty in and, I did enjoy writing something on my own especially when it was going to be about my favourite novel. Once again, the class were involved in themselves doing various things some writing down in their notebooks and some whispering to the person next to them probably complaining about the task. The teachers had a way of making me sit either side of people who prefer to live in their own worlds and most of the time, I did too but French with Tor was a nice change because I could actually have the chance to discuss the subject we may been working on in class or things outside the classroom, altogether.

Mrs Osborn flitted her way around the classroom letting the students she came up to take a piece of paper and open it before proceeding to the next one...In no time at all she was standing in front of me and she gave me a pleasant smile before I dipped my hand into the hat and took out the paper brushing my fingertips.

As she walked away...I brought the paper off of the table and opened it up in the privacy and darkness of my lap and studied the script on the paper in red ink.

_Describe and explore the relationship of Catherine and Heathcliff in the novel Wuthering Heights, refer to the social, historical and cultural context within your answer and also the comparison between Bronte's creation of the two characters and your own personal analysis?_

Wow, the question was simple enough and, it would be done in a matter of days because the subject was an easy one, the description was enough to take up three thousand words and even more than that if there was no limit but, the hardest thing with any essay is to make sure you stuck to the word count given. I did have a little habit of going over a few words but never more so to be obvious to a reader or examiner of my work.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I stuck the piece of paper to the inside cover of my book with a little post it and Mrs Osborn let us all make notes on what we were going to write in the essay and also to let us know that we could show our plans to her if we wished to.

*(Lunch)*

"Hey!"

Tor greeted me at our usual table; I had not brought any food but did have enough change on me to buy myself a bottle of apple juice from the canteen. I sat down putting my books for Biology on the table along with the bottle. "How has your day been?"

"Nothing exciting, I think that I may have a good chance of getting the grades I want by the end of the year!"

"What made you think that there wasn't a chance that you might?"

"I don't know, doubts I guess"

"What is it with Emmett and Edward Cullen looking this way...Oh damn that reminds me, I have to go and thank him...Come with me"

"No...Tor, I don't think that's such a good idea-"

"Why not?"

_Why not...Rosalie and Tanya are sitting with them and something tells me that the last thing they want apart from death is to be seen within a ten meter radius of people like us...That's why!_

"Perhaps you can wait until after school..."

"I can't...I have to be home for my piano lesson tonight and there won't be time to stick around..Please Bella?"

At her plea, I crumbled once again and reluctantly agreed to go with her, abandoning the juice at my table leaving it to appeal to anyone who may want to nick it from the table..Burying my hands in my pockets...I followed Tor to the table that brought so many people such target of bullying and victimisation but Edward's gaze never fell from me as we got closer and closer to him, Emmett was beaming strangely at the realisation of our getting nearer and Rosalie and Tanya looked like they were about to stab us both repeatedly with axes.

"Edward...Can I please have a word with you?" Tor asked him politely and I suddenly felt very sick...Asking people with a reputation like him to speak alone was even worse than speaking to him with friends around, if they can be called friends – hell I didn't know what to do. I wanted to pull her away back to the table but then, I wanted to see how he was going to react...I was going to be there in defence for my friend if I get one sound of an insult from any of them!

"Sure" I gawked at his answer, he stood up from the chair and edged away from the table...I watched them go but had not realised that I had not moved.

"How's the day gone, Bella?" I turned my head to Emmett who had asked me the question and if looks could kill then I'd be dead...Rosalie definitely had a problem with me opening my mouth to speak and I glanced at her for enough time for Emmett to turn and bang the table in front of her, causing a gasp to escape her mouth...She looked at him and her face softened as she nodded probably swallowing the desire to taunt, tease and break me with her words and thoughts about me standing so near to her.

"Fine" I answered shakily and there was a grip on my arm as Tor smiled at me and pulled me away from the table...Edward was now behind me, probably watching me go and the two of us sat back down on the table luckily my bottle and books had not been a popular sight and so, I opened the lid and took a sip to wash down the dryness of being near the people I had grown to somewhat like now that our mums were the best of friends.

"Well...He is a nice person, why does he have to act like such an idiot in front of people when he is with his friends, though?"

"This is coming from the girl who has a crush on him-"

"Yes...Fine...I like him, but you're right about the whole out-of-league thing but he couldn't have been nicer, Bella..."

"Really?" I could not help but be a little sceptical especially when we had just interrupted his lunch and the girls who had been once oh so nice to us when inviting me to their wretch of a party now wanted to see our guts splattered across the wall for the caretaker to clean up.

"Yes...I mean, he said that it was all down to you – how strange that none of you accept the apology on your own but instead pass it on to each other. There was me thinking that he was going to take credit all to himself-"

"Yeah, well...It was a joint effort"

"Anyway...It's over now and, I have to thank you again, or maybe even thank myself for getting so stupid that I had to go up and speak with Edward Cullen!"

_The smitten kitten is back!_

"No problem"

"Are you really not going to eat?" she asked me, staring at the bottle on the table.

"No...I'm on a special diet" I had to think of something, a simple 'I'm not hungry' was not going to wash and the last thing I needed was to be fed food that I'd sooner give to someone else.

The little lie worked though as Tor nodded and put the conversation to rest...Nothing else happened that lunch time, although being near the table of the Cullen brothers must be enough to make front page news in our school days.

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Please, do not tell me that you just spoke to her!" Tanya said as soon as Emmett and Rosalie had left me alone with her.

"So what if I did?" What right did she have to make decisions about whom I spoke to...Bella had been so worried about her friend and so had I because of Bella's fear. Now, the memory of her face still haunts me as she knelt down beside her friend and examined her unconscious form...The image wakes me up from sleep sometimes although I'd never admit it to anyone else.

"Come on, it's her and what was with Virgin staring at you...Is the plan working?" The tone of her voice had gone from utter disgust to a shimmer of hope in milliseconds and it made me feel physically sick that Tanya Denali was much more concerned about the bet working out than whether Victoria had survived her awful demise at Rosalie's party.

"Tanya...You said things to Bella that night didn't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about" she actually fluttered her eyes, what a bitch! Like that could work on me anymore, actually it had never worked on me in the first place so nothing mattered so much, only the fact that I needed to have her suck me off, but now...I can do it myself.

"Don't play with me...You had no right to say what you did to Bella...I don't even want to know what it is you may have done but get a grip, Tanya...You act as if something is going on...We're not together and there is no hold on me so leave the fuck alone!"

"Someone's a little cranky, I like a cranky Edward" she attempted to wind her hands in my own but I pulled away, I never wanted her hands on me again not now...Not ever!

"No wonder people like you never end up anywhere...I don't even know why I am doing this anymore"

"My God...You're pussy-whipped for the virgin" Tanya's eyes nearly bulged out of her head, oh of course she was going to turn this on me when she had been the one in the wrong, turn it on me and then want to have make-up sex. I already lost my virginity to her and that reality is what I regretted nearly every day from having to look at her. Why had I gotten in so deep with her? Why did I let her do those things to me, women did get emotionally attached with sexual acts so...I had to be an arsehole and treat her like that?

Fair enough, Tanya was never going to have me say sorry to her because I couldn't be sorry at the time because the image of her mouth riding up and down was hot but, that was all...She was nothing and she could never be anything for me.

Why had I not seen any of this before?

These are not the people I want to spend the rest of school with, except for Emmett because my brother and I had got closer and not in the natural sense...Ever since Bella and her mum had moved next door to us and we had made that awful bet which now, I wanted so much to erase...Things had changed, everyone around me had changed.

Damn her, damn her for making my world all lop-sided and unnatural...I was definitely not pussy-whipped for Bella but there was a part of me that wanted to be her friend and that much I had no strength to deny. "Perhaps you should think about getting a lift home with someone else now, Tanya...I'm through!"

Not giving her a chance to retaliate and throw more accusations my way...I left the canteen and headed down to the music room where no one was going to disturb me.

I couldn't for the life of me remember when I had last played the piano, or written a half decent composition of music it used to be my life, any time something happened in my emotional state or in my own life then my piano would have knowledge of it and the only things that took place when my writing music was between my hands and the piano and the piano was a definite secret-keeper!

~~**~Bella~**~~

Biology went by unusually unchanged and normal – Mansfield was just as pleasant as he could be and so for that no one was going to argue about it...Edward had gotten over the note thing and honestly, I was the one who had stolen a few glances his way to the seat he sat in day after day and he seemed so much in thought for the total of three times I glanced but his face was unreadable...I was a little disgusted at the fact that the curiosity into what he may be thinking ran me over like a steam-train but I ignore it and carried on keeping three quarters of my attention on the tasks Mansfield had set us and so everything was normal.

Apart from seeing Edward at lunch, I had not heard a peep from him and there was only one question from Emmett that he really could have done without asking because of the risk to his looking 'bad' in front of his little Barbie. If there was a thought in her head that I was a RISK or best of all a THREAT then she is mistaken entirely and in desperate need of a reality and personality check. Look at me compared to her; it's not hard to guess!

Forgetting the day just gone and focusing my head on what I need to do, tonight in terms of school work which had already started to pile...I opened my locker and took out the iPod – turning on the screen and pressing play starting the playlist that it had already been set on. Even though music was not as important to me as it clearly was for my friend, it was almost like a child in a sweet shop once again and I couldn't wait to see what music she was referring to and which had given her so much enjoyment.

I put the earphones in both my ears and allowed the slow country strumming to take me over and the bag that was in my locker was now easier to lift out...I hauled it on my shoulder and put the iPod in the waistband of my jeans and headed off to the entrance once again to make the walk home.

What was great about the unchanging day – the sudden change in weather, it was pouring with rain and I had no choice but to step out in it and cross my arms to my white shirt in fear of it becoming very wet extremely quickly and see-through to all the guys in the school who are turned on by wet shirts no matter what the bra size of the woman.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped down the pavement onto the road between the school and the route home...I took out one of the earphones from my iPod but the sound of car breaks took me out of my melancholic ravine and I turned and saw a car screeching against the wet tarmac and in the blink of an eye before I had time to find the strength in my legs the wind was knocked out of me and I landed hard on the right side of my head a strong grip around my shoulders.

I didn't want to move – I didn't want to speak the warm treacle of warmness from my head made me release the tension in my shoulders of attempting poorly to lift it from the ground...As I rested my head on the ground screams and chatting came from the distance and got closer like an unwanted swarm of bees. What the hell had happened?

Finding the strength somewhere, I slowly lifted my head and looked to the side of me and swallowed to find Edward looking down on me, his eyes sad but his jaw clenched the cheekbones that were always so defined poked out hard on his marble skin.

"I'm sorry" he said softly before releasing his hold on me and standing up, in no time at all he was gone and the noise came closer and closer and suddenly everyone was around me.

"Bella?"

"Oh my God what happened?"

"Did anyone else see Cullen or was that just me?"

"I have 999 on the phone right now"

"Bella...I am so sorry, I didn't see you"

All the voices of different people and the need to get away from the already caused scene that I had unintentionally made...I clambered to my feet, brushing down my knees but harbouring a very wet back and bottom from the ground I had been thrown against. "I'm fine" I said to the people but they did not hear me, instead a few strangers wrapped their arms around me and led me back in the direction of the school grounds. "No...I need to get home, everyone leave me alone...I'm fine"

I really was, except for the small problem of my not liking blood and the sight of it on the right chest area of my shirt had my head in a small spinning and my breath kept firmly inside my body to risk smelling the awful smell that had always made me throw up even as a child...There was no point, if I spoke then the smell would come and also no one was flaming listening to me...They finally notice me, at least some good came out of the soaring pain on the side of my head.

"Oh God" the receptionist got up from her chair and fumbled in her desk at lightening speed before walking around and standing in front of me, the other people were outside and their voice could still be heard, muffled of course with the position of the doors but they were still there.

"An ambulance will be here in ten minutes, miss!" A girl opened the door and the receptionist nodded before kneeling down..I had taken refuge on the floor because of the pain throbbing more and more in my head and my heartbeat still beating hard as if to threaten falling out of my body.

"Look at all that blood" she commented wiping my head, causing me to wince...She did the wrong thing, though she brought the tissue back to fold it and there on the once pure white wash colour was the redness of my blood and I breathed in unknowingly, the nausea overthrew me.

"Bucket" was all I could say before a bin was thrown in front of me, the contents taken out but I didn't care...I vomited hard, luckily there was not much of a sight to see mostly liquid but I had never liked throwing up...I mean who does?

I had definitely made a scene!

~~**~An hour later~**~~

"Bella!"

Mum exclaimed as she walked into the ward, I had taken up seat on an unused bed and Doctor Weber had just finished checking my vitals especially my eyesight and apart from a few squints from how bright the light actually was..I felt a little better. "You okay?"

"I'm fine mum calm down" I replied, trying to assure her...I took one of her hands and she gazed at the doctor beside me who was finishing up the notes on her clipboard.

"You're Mrs Swan?" she asked putting the pen lid down with her thumb and placing the pen back on the pocket of her white jacket.

"Yes...How is she?"

"She's fine, there are no signs of concussion small or mild and no trauma...She may have some discomfort because of the bruise that will inhabit her right temple but I am describing some painkillers to keep it at bay and make her as comfortable as possible...Now I know why you have never been a patient in hospital for a while, Bella...If you vomit at the sight of blood then a career in medicine is not the ideal solution!" she joked, putting the clipboard back at the foot of the bed in its holder and handing me a small rectangle of paper. "Just give this to the dispensary down one floor and they will give you the paracetimol"

"Thank you, doctor" mum said, coming around to face me...Placing her hands on my shoulders. "Isabella Marie Swan, do not do that to me, again!" she said...I wiped away the tears from her cheeks and wrapped my arms around her keeping the side of my head away from her but giving her as much love as I could. Mum may worry far too much but at least she cared about me.

"Let's get you home" she sniffed, taking my hand and gently allowing me to get off of the bed slowly and walk with her to the dispensary. Never again will I get into another hospital anytime soon the smell was dismal and the decoration was draining.

As soon as I managed to get my paracetimol along with my bag which the main reception had offered to look after for me on my admittance, I was on the way home when a sudden thought came into my head. I opened my bag up and peered inside before catching a glimpse of the item that may have been the cause of my accident and picked it up holding it out in front of me. There was one scratch down the front but as I pressed play the screen came up and it seemed like the scratch was the only thing remotely indicating what had happened.

"Who gave you that?" mum asked, I swallowed the dryness in my throat and thought of a very quick answer but not one to give her more ammunition to ask more questions.

"A friend" I replied putting the iPod now avec a scratch back into the bag.

"Really...Was it Seth?"

"Yes" I didn't want to admit to it, but mum knew Seth and trying to describe anyone to my mum especially since she had no idea who Victoria was and also the reason behind my having the iPod in my possession in the first place.

Once safely back home, I put my bag down on my bed and, without thinking twice...I walked slowly to my window and opened up my blind to find Edward sitting on his bed, what surprised me was that he had moved his bed so the foot of it could be seen from my window, now – his head was in his hands and, I turned my head to my school bag and fumbled through it and took out my large A3 notepad which I used only for intense lessons of crammed work and my massive marker which I had no idea I still had.

I opened to a fresh page and wrote at the centre of the page with my thick black marker.

**THANK YOU**

Stepping back to the window, I waited for Edward to glance this way which eventually he did, a little startled before I held up the paper in front of me and watched him shift his eyes to the paper and smile small and write down something in front of him, he must have been doodling when I had seen him in deep thought about something...He sat up properly on the bed his face and torso in my view and held up his pad.

**ARE YOU OKAY?**

Leaning over towards my bed, making the decision to keep the pad and pen on me...I balanced it on my arm and wrote another reply in the marker.

**YES**

Edward nodded and looked at me through apologetic eyes...At the need to make his worries go away or at least the stress to remove itself from his forehead...I didn't wait for him to think of an answer, instead writing something new on a brand new page.

**THERE IS NO NEED TO BE SORRY, YOU SAVED MY FRIEND'S LIFE AND MINE...I HOPE ONE DAY I CAN DO THAT MUCH FOR YOU**

I meant every word...


	20. Fearful Bruises

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

*(The Day of Bella's Accident)*

After Tanya had pissed me off immensely at lunch, Biology was not a welcomed lesson after admitting to Mansfield that the note-passing was my fault and that the responsibility must be placed upon my own shoulders the man might as well have a bell around my neck or at least a tag around my ankle – his dog at his beck and call and that he has the ability to keep his eye on at all times...As he scans the classroom talking about topics following from the previous lesson whether that be last week or yesterday his eyes fall on me last and stay on me the longest – if looks could kill someone then I'd be in the ground for a while.

To escape the glare of the teacher and not to have him heighten my anger and irritation even further than the 'wonderful' Tanya Denali had already done – I resorted to doodling in my notebook for the lesson, there was no desire in my soul to pay attention to the lesson at hand because well...Idiot can't sleep and every night seems to be an endless battle to take my mind off of anything to do with Bella. What had surprised me last night and which I wrongly thought about before lying down in bed was the fact that I had not seen Seth Clearwater since the night he had come around the house and I had been there...Yesterday...Jesus was it only yesterday? I hardly knew what day it was, anymore everything had turned into a spinning wheel in my life and how the hell was I going to be able to face anymore changes in it when at the moment, struggling was a force of habit unwilling to shift.

Doodling was not my kind of thing because a person can only doodle if they have some talent in visual art, music was more of my art and so...The doodles were not enough to have my mother frame or my dad fawn over – instead, mum had always insisted I play and at one time when it had been one of my top priorities to vent out the feelings and thoughts inside my head I had written her a lullaby and the sheet music of the original, scruffy draft was in my room and had been for many years and she had loved it so much that now, there was a pang in my heart for how long she had gone without hearing it whereas over the years she had intentionally never brought it up because of my instant deny of playing it.

The lullaby brought too many memories, the kind that were not unpleasant but were locked away in my past and so – to keep sane, the best option is to keep them in the past and move your mind onto the present.

As I doodled, a strange feeling came over me...Burning the side of my face and I knew deep down inside my soul that Bella must have been looking over at me but...My time to glance her way had been in English and for some strange reason she was always the most interesting in our English classes...More mysterious but also in touch with her own intelligence and academic ability I was waiting for her to say something about the book than even on her first day had radiated so much love and passion from her – it was enduring and of course, gawking at her was wrong and so...Now I had been fortunate to teach myself to keep the staring to a minimum in risk of her eyes meeting mine and the awkward silence that may then prevail over us both.

Mansfield was not worth my time and remaining to keep my eyes away from his burning ones was much easier to calm me...Bella may have been looking my way but the feeling of being watched soon ceased and the lesson carried on unchanged and uninteresting as before the looking.

I went to my locker after the final lesson and honestly, I couldn't get away from the class fast enough but it did not seem to cause such a scene for everyone because well...I am me and the only people who seem to watch me are the girls who want to get into my pants and have a much better chance of finding a boffin against a wall and seducing them, instead.

The other strange thing was that, my sex drive had ceased to almost nothing since the night of the party once upon a time the vision of girls in bikinis turned me on to no end and the need to have someone like Tanya help me get rid of the throbbing hard-on in my lower body was a given. Now, I had not felt desire and whether to be happy that I was not asking a girl to suck me off was a difficult thing...I didn't know what to think or what to feel because my routine had changed so drastically in my life.

I spotted Bella walking down the same way to the school entrance, which they used as well as an exit which had always been odd – they must of had enough money to get an exit door as well as an entrance...Stupid school funding and spending was never right for anyone!

My eyes on the shine in her chocolate hair burnt into the back of her head as the rain began to sprinkle and shower against the very top of her head against the roots of her hair and the scalp underneath – even from the back her hair looked great and, if that was all natural and she did not use so many products as I had been used to girls using then I am sure the girls I used to be associated with would give limbs to have her hair.

_Okay, Cullen this is not healthy...Now you are thinking about her hair – what is the matter with you?_

Ignoring the thought shower that had shocked me to halt them...I watched Bella go ahead of me, a sudden need to follow her at least to the school entrance surrounded me and I so did, ignoring my Volvo and possibly the amount of staring students around the car park. Something in the back of my head told me to follow her and so, purely on instinct...I retreated as she flipped her wet hair behind her, I caught a glimpse of white iPod earphones in her ear and not wanting to draw any more attention to myself and also to her, I stopped at the gate leaning against them as she crossed the main road and down the path she walked home.

A screeching of car tyres took me out of my trance and I shot my head to the left and found a car speeding towards Bella in the middle of the road – she must have heard it as well as she had turned on the spot and was frozen willing to accept her death at the fate of the uncontrolled car.

_No...No...Anyone but her!_

My legs ran ahead before my brain could stop them...I grabbed Bella by her shoulders and hauled her to the side of the road, her head and my arm bashing against the pavement as we fell in a heap...My heart was pounding and my head was spinning from the aftermath of what had happened to her, she was about to die and there was a burning need to save her and now, of course I had no idea why...What was I supposed to do? Let her get hit? The only person who was around to take her from the road was me? Would anyone else have seen her crumple in agony on the floor?

The thoughts, the beating and shaking of my heart and body was too much and, I looked down at Bella a trickle of blood pouring down her face and onto the pavement beneath us caught my eye as her eyes locked with mine, her head lifting only slightly. Like lightening, I took my hands from her shoulders and stood up with shaky legs...I couldn't be here, she was alright but I wanted to run and I needed to go home and curl under my duvet and never emerge again.

Heroics was not needed, I was no hero even though some people may wish to call me so...How can I be a hero to this girl who I had only spoken to out of selfishness and at the hand of a bet which I agreed to against my better judgement...Why did I agree to it...To score fucking points...To make my reputation even bigger but why did I want to make more people know me? What was I going to get out of gaining more friends who most probably would never cross my path again after school was it better to be loved by fewer people who cared or have the biggest social group in school?

Why was acceptance such a necessity in my personality? I was scared about what people might think of me if I let my guard down, seeing Bella on the pavement had finally given me an answer to my awful ways and my disgusting temper all these years. In my rebellion against my true self I hurt the people closest to me – my mum is ashamed of me and of course there was no need for her to come out and tell me because the hurt in her eyes was evident everyday in her soul besides her attempts to keep it hidden.

Children were supposed to make their parents proud and hell, my parents are never going to be proud of me if I carry on like this? I wouldn't be proud of me at all!

"I'm sorry" I didn't know what to say to her, my voice was threatening to break and the sobs of shock and also to the injustice of what Bella's death may have brought if I had not gone out into the road took me over. I did not want to let anyone see me cry, no man should show emotion unless in a private place and with the people who cared about him. Bella's eyes were still so bright as they glared into mine but she did not look angry, she looked shocked and rightly so.

I ran away from her, the crowd of students from the car park were racing towards her chattering and buzzing worryingly...A few of them started at me but I was in no mood to be held back, instead to take myself away from the situation and vent out the feelings blaring from inside my head.

Swallowing the nausea in my stomach, I climbed into my car and turned the key into the ignition...I fastened my seatbelt as fast as humanely possible and hit my foot down on the accelerator and sped out of the car park, going the opposite way to the crowd gathered over Bella on the pavement of course it was stupid to leave her soaking wet and injured in the rain but one of the idiots who had been gathered in the car park doing nothing may have called an ambulance, already and she was breathing so there was no definite damage to her vital organs.

As soon as I got home, I locked my car and barged into my front door pushing it hard with my hand for it to close on its own as I bounded up the stairs...Once reaching my room I fell onto my bed, my head resting against the pillows and let out all the emotion in the emptiness and silence of the room and the rest of my house.

I was not used to this kind of drama.

*(An Hour Later)*

Running out of tears to shed, I rested my weight on my elbows and took out my marker from my bedside table drawer, I had found a couple of my composition pieces in a search in our cellar, yesterday and looking at the music that I once had so much faith in needed to be altered now that I was better at writing it.

Scrawling out the notes and writing changed ones above it, I glanced over at the window and it was no longer raining but the thick blanket of cloud was still there in the sky...Tracking my vision down, I gasped at the sight of Bella standing in front of her own window...A large plaster on her head but her chest rising and falling. _Thank God that she was okay!_ Well...At least she looked okay and that was enough to rake the weight away from my shoulders piece by piece.

The piece of paper she was holding had a note on it, with a similar marker used as mine and squinting my eyes slightly...I read what it said inside my head.

**THANK YOU**

_Goddamn it...Why does she have to thank me? I didn't do anything!_

Reluctantly taking the disagreement of her actions away, I wrote down a reply on the back of the composition sheet with my own marker and putting the lid back on as I finished...I scrambled to my knees and balanced myself on them.

**ARE YOU OKAY?**

It was my only thought and my only need to hear the answer, she looked okay on appearances but what if she had internal damage that could completely turn her life around or at least send her into some kind of shock...What was the matter with that fucking driver? Did someone cut his brakes or something because he should never have been going that fast on that road especially when there are at least three warning signs about the school and possible students crossing the road approaching our main entrance?

Some drivers need to be locked up or at least never be able to get behind a wheel again!

**YES**

_Fucking hell, what a relief!_

I had never been so scared for anyone in my life, and I'm Edward Cullen it is against my view from others and against the impressions that others already have of me believe me, I surprised myself at how I had been. The visions were going to haunt me, tonight and the sudden drop in my features ran underneath my skin at another goodbye to a night's sleep, thank God my skin was naturally pale because I'd look so deathly ill that skeletons and mummies would be shameful of what they looked like compared to me, a living breathing human.

I put my pad down next to me, and I was about to lie back down when Bella held up another note, squinting my eyes to look at the scrawl once more.

**THERE IS NO NEED TO BE SORRY, YOU SAVED MY FRIEND'S LIFE AND MINE...I HOPE ONE DAY I CAN DO THAT MUCH FOR YOU**

Oh Bella Swan if only that were possible!

~~**~Bella~**~~

*(The Morning After)*

"Aah!"

The wincing of pain was hard to keep under control when trying to wash my face with the cold tap water – damn this bump was going to grow bigger soon and I will look like I have a golf ball imbedded inside my skin. Well, only I could make something so big out of it and so the best outcome is to pretend like nothing has happened. The shock had reeled me to insomnia and every time I closed my eyes wishing so much to sleep the sound of the tyres and the vision of the car swerving towards me replays in my thoughts.

Mum insisted that I always take the painkillers at the slight wince of pain but I was more concerned about keeping the killers until the bruise surfaced, I had a plaster for the cut but that was sure to peel off by itself soon especially now I was wetting it accidentally in an attempt to keep every area of my skin clean.

After putting on my usual not-trendy clothes but the kind that were always so comfortable for me, I grabbed my bag and kissed a sleeping Cosmo on my bed – the one good thing that came out of this whole accident was that my puppy had been with me all night only leaving to have his food and drink...It was like he was my watcher but in animal form and the reality ofhim being with me every hour on the hour was a great change to my usual loneliness in bed at night. What can I say...Beds are lonely when there is no one there to share it with?

"Oh sweetheart, I was just about to call the school!" mum exclaimed as she saw me emerge into view at the bottom stairs, she had her hands on her hips and surely meant business but I had already told her last night after my little note scrawling shindig with Edward that I was in no place to miss school especially when my head injury was not major and my ability to learn was not affected by it. Of course, my comfort was another thing.

"Mum...Please, leave it...I will be much happier if I can take my mind off of things" although the reality was that perhaps I won't be able to live it down, today people around me now have something to talk about and why should I give them the chance to speak about me when I am not there?

"I would be much happier if you stayed here, Isabella!"

Mum tried to be firm but on this point...I was going to school whether she liked it or not. A knock at the door stopped me from replying to her and she frowned at me before turning and walking the small distance to the door and opening it to reveal.

_Edward Cullen!_

"Edward...Wow this is an unexpected pleasure!" Mum exclaimed almost breathless...Please do not tell me that my sudden inkling of her having a crush on our next door neighbour to be true- he may as well have been my brother he was definitely young enough to be her son.

"Sorry about the early call, Renee-"

"Not at all, please come in...Perhaps you can help me" Edward, slightly taken aback by my mum's words stepped into the house and let my mum close the door behind him, the three of us together in the privacy of the Swan's residence. My gaze went to the floor; this was going to be an argument waiting to happen if my scatter-brained mother did not let this drop.

"Now, Bella had an accident with a car yesterday and she is insistent upon going to school which she knows will send me into a near heart-attack in the prime of my life. I want her to stay and in your opinion, should I allow her to step outside this house with that injury on her head?"

Why is she asking him?

It suddenly dawned on me that mum did not know, or hadn't been informed that Edward was the one who had saved my life yesterday and perhaps if she knew then this conversation may be avoided nicely and the walk to school much more peaceful. Edward shuffled his feet beneath me, I felt sympathy for him because mum was such a force of nature and there was no compromising with her when she believed that her decision was right.

"Um...To be honest, I don't really know...Bella is free to do what she wants-"

"Mum...Perhaps I should have said that Edward was the one who pushed me out of the way – asking him is not going to change my decision, mum!"

Mum shot her head to me, her eyes wide with amazement at the information that I had just told her and I nodded once assuring her that it was true and suddenly the role-reversal of gazes happened...My eyes had come up from the floor and Edward's had gone down.

"Oh...Edward, I am sorry...Bella's right...I was not informed...Wow, how can I ever thank you?"

"Please no thanks required...I would have done it for anyone"

_Well...That kind of hurt._

"Still to save a person's life takes courage, oh Edward...Thank you...Thank you ever so much!" Mum pulled him into a hug without waiting for him to throw her thanks back into her face his eyes reached mine and I bit down on my lip at the sadness and anger in them. Maybe, I shouldn't have said that.

"I best be going" I said, interrupting their moment and giving Edward the opportunity of release from my mother's arms.

"Very well" mum replied in defeat.

"I came to offer you a lift actually, Bella" Edward said quietly but not quiet enough for my mother's eagle hearing.

"As if you haven't done enough for us already, Edward!" Mum said turning to me and widening her eyes...That was the sign of 'do not refuse someone who offers to do that for you'...I knew it oh so well!

"Thank you" I said to Edward, walking over to him and passing him to open the door...The morning air filled the house again as well as the birdsong from high in the trees.

"Make sure you rest if needed, Bella!"

I didn't hear mum's shout...I was too busy walking down the garden path, thanking myself for putting on some shoes upstairs before descending the stairs so as not to stay in that atmosphere for longer than necessary.

"How are you?" Edward asked me as I stood in front of his Volvo passenger door and he leant against the roof of the car at the driver's side door.

"Fine" I replied, he pushed the button on his keys and opened the door, I opened mine and put my bag on the floor by where my feet were going to be and closed it.

The one thing I may have liked too much about Edward was his car!

I buckled my seat belt and Edward had already done his and had now turned the keys into the ignition...This was where the searching for a conversation topic began.

What was I supposed to say apart from the thanks that will never run dry – the thanks that he will only throw back in my face? The only question in my mind was 'why'.

Why did he throw me out of the road? Wasn't a person with a reputation like him supposed to always stay away from me – as well as any friends I may have?

I turned my head to look out the window at the passing pavement and the trees going by, the silence was hard to deal with but the view was nice enough...The need to cry suddenly took me over and before I knew it...For no apparent reason, the tears had begun to fill up my eyes.

"I am sorry about what happened to you, Bella" now he picks the moment to speak...Gulping a little, I remained my cloudy vision to the world outside.

"These things happen" I replied, clenching my stomach to stop the sobs, was it being in the car...Was it being with Edward or was it still the shock from what happened which had made me turn into an emotional wreck?

The car suddenly came to a halt at the side of the road and I gasped, slowing down the shock on my heart by breathing in and out slowly. "Bella, look at me" at Edward's velvet voice...All the will and self-control inside of me and I turned my head, Edward brought his hand over and gently wiped away one of the tears that had escaped from my eye and took his hand away as quickly as he had held it out. "Are you in pain, I can take you home right now?"

"No, please...Can you just answer me something?"

"Anything"

"Why did you save me?"

I watched Edward as he sighed and turned off the engine, placing both his hands in his lap as he pondered in thought for a moment...All I could do was wait for the answer he was about to give me – whether I'd like it or not is another story.

"I don't know-"

"I mean, why didn't you let the car crush me and save yourself from all the remarks...someone like you should not do something like that...To me, anyway...I mean, I could be dead right now"

"Bella what are you talking about – are you leading me to believe that you wanted to die?"

"I'm a nobody and, a somebody helping out a nobody is like an angel helping the devil...It's just not done"

"Do you really think that you are a 'nobody'?"

"Yes"

"You're wrong"

"That's down to opinion"

"Trust me when I say that you are probably worth three quarters of the girls in this school...The other quarter being that they want to get somewhere in life. I don't know why I did what I did, Bella and as much as I have not been able to think because of how scared I was-"

"You were scared?"

"I'd like to think that we're friends, Bella and if I am wrong in thinking that then tell me right now and I will leave you alone"

"No...We are friends"

"So why can't a friend save someone from a hit and run?"

"You make that sound as if it's an everyday occurrence"

"One time is enough for me"

The conversation ended and Edward turned on the engine and carried on down the route to school – there was still something that he was keeping from me, perhaps it was the head injury making me see and feel things that are incorrect.

What the hell was I thinking, what could Edward be keeping from anyone let alone me?

I really was crazy.


	21. Strange Occurences

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

Edward and I said nothing to one another as we walked side by side, our bodies at an appropriate distance from each other's so as not to make anymore gossip about me that was no doubt flying around like a forest fire with the students in the school.

The tension between us was there, after my melodramatic lines of death and basically putting myself down to the floor beneath me – Edward's words always seemed so honest and genuine that my head always got caught up in a whirlwind whenever we finished speaking the questions of 'is he being serious' eating away at me. How was I to know that he was being genuine after everything that we have been through, of course the good more than the bad but what else is he not telling me...I am not an unapproachable person and I'd like to think that maybe people who are close to me can have the opportunity to speak to me and get some things off of their chest. I was a listener perhaps even when I chose to only be a listener and never an expresser in complete and utter fear of the facts I give in confidence going around and coming back to bite me hard on the arse.

I swallowed the feeling of being stared at immensely in the car park like animals in a cage at the zoo and walked into the entrance...The same receptionist was there and my gaze on her made my legs stop moving legs and approach her at the desk, she greeted me with a very warm smile.

"Isabella...How are you feeling?"

"I am alright, listen...This may seem a little unorthodox for the duties and daily life of a student but, I want to thank you for everything you did yesterday"

"Oh really, Isabella it was no trouble...We were much more concerned about your health than anything else...That was some bash to the head. Did you suffer from concussion at all?"

"No thankfully, just nausea at the sight of blood...Oh and sorry about the bin-"

"It's a bin, Isabella...I am sure it has seen much worse!" The receptionist smiled and I returned it with my own...Pour soul always down here answering the phones and taking messages no wonder she seemed so starved for conversation. Where are the rest of the teachers to talk to when she was in need of them?

Giving me a wink...I walked away and out through the doors and jumped a little to see Edward leaning against the wall waiting for me.

"I thought you'd gone" I said putting my hand to the beating of my heart.

"What and miss the chance to catch you when you feel dizzy...No chance!"

_Jeez...Change of tune, much?_

"Who said that I'd want to be caught?"

"You're a walking recipe for disaster Bella Swan and besides, you will be too occupied with coping of the shock from falling to worry about whose arms are around you"

_Arms...Holding...Unwanted territory, alarm bells Bella this is unwanted conversation territory!_

"Hmm...Yeah I suppose"

The two of us reached the sixth-form corridor and fortunately to top the icing off with a big fat glacier cherry – Emmett along with his own fruit and also the fruit that used to always cling to Edward came through the doors as we were both about to step through them. I stopped my eyes going to the floor, both from embarrassment at my head but also the dislike that always seemed to make my fingers itch at the sight of those idiotic girls who live their lives selfishly and would never give any other person a second thought. Of course, Edward was friends with these people so there was no chance in hell that I may say these things out loud when he is inches away from me at my side.

The laughter from the three people stopped, I didn't want to look up so instead – I counted the patterns on the floor until it was safe to lift my head and make a move, again.

It wasn't long before they passed us properly and walked away from us, in curiosity...I looked up to find Edward still beside me holding the door for me to step through.

_Well...That's strange..._

"Was the floor to your satisfaction?" Edward teased shooting me his famous crooked smile and tapping his fingers lightly against the wood of the door.

"Are you not going to walk with them?" I asked, stepping through to the corridor and looking behind me to wait for him to walk with me.

"No"

"Why not?"

"I don't hang out with them as much as you think..."

_Really...I find that one hard to believe?_

"Oh my god, Bella...Are you alright?"

Suddenly my discussion with Edward seemed so far away from me as Tor approached us both in the middle of the corridor, her eyes adverted to Edward momentarily and she gave him a small smile and a nod in greeting before grabbing both my hands in hers. "People have been saying so much about your accident, it's all around the school. Are you alright?"

"Bella...I have to get to class, I'll see you around"

Edward left me then without another word and I studied the back of his body as he walked, hunched with his hands buried in the depths of his pockets...I didn't know what to feel – why had he not gone off with his posse? Best of all his brother?

"That looks like quite a bump!" Tor's comment brought me back to reality and I brought my eyes to hers and smiled.

"It looks worse than what it is...Don't worry I am fine...That many people are talking about it huh?"

"Well, there is no point in lying to you...Believe me gossip soon dies and tomorrow there will be something else to discuss-"

"Another person avoiding a death, too?"

"Maybe" Tor giggled and linked her arm in mine as I led her to my locker "dare I ask about the fate of the iPod?"

"Apart from a scratch it is still breathing...It's nice to know that electronics and modern technology can show signs of strength"

"I underestimated it, then...Have you got the work set from Hughes?"

"Actually I do, in my sleepless night it was handy to have the time to plan whether I had actually completed any work before nearly dying-"

"I wish you would not joke so much about it...I almost had a heart-attack when others were talking about a person named Bella and her car accident!"

"Sorry-" I pouted apologetically and rubbed my hand on her shoulder in comfort "I guess this is a good way to get your name on the map!"

"When have you ever given a jot about what others think?"

"Since now"

"How come?"

"Honestly, Tor...I have no idea – it's like my whole physcological beliefs and my attitude about life has gone to pot"

"Can you answer me a question...Truthfully?"

"Sure" after putting my bag in my locker, I took out the work for French and my usual stationery supplies and popped the key in my pencil case after locking it.

"Did Edward Cullen really save you from the collision?"

Sighing I nodded...Of course people were going to talk about it even though I doubted in my head than most of them hadn't even seen him because of the speed that he had run away from me – the one thing that an individual wishes on their life not to come out – turns to haunt them.

"I mean...I don't really know what to say to that-"

"Neither do I...He offered me a lift this morning and sitting in the car I end up turning into an emotional wreck...I want to keep on thanking him but he won't have any of it...What else am I supposed to say to make him believe that I am grateful?"

"Who'd of thought that the person you wouldn't want to have touched with a bargepole only a short time ago is now entirely worthy of every award going?"

"Life has a way of turning me into a complete idiot!"

"The guy saved your life...I mean, this isn't about giving up a seat on a bus or picking up something that someone has dropped...You could have died!" Tor was just as flabbergasted as I was about the whole thing, a part of me was pleased that my turn in emotional state was not all in my head.

Truth of the matter is – this was Edward Cullen, the player of the school and the guy that every girl would give a limb to be with...He was not just _anybody _or maybe even another student the whole reality was this was him...My next door neighbour who was gradually becoming my friend. How can I have seen our friendship like this when I first saw him and his brother on the day of our move?

Why did he have to do it...Why doesn't he associate himself with the same people?

"I am surprised that he is even on his own!" I turned on my heel and walked down the corridor with my friend in close pursuit beside me.

"I asked him, we saw his posse coming through the doors the same time as us...Of course, I had to question it because they are always around together like some kind of intimidating foursome but he said that he wasn't going to follow them"

"He is changing..."

"See I think that, too but why now does he decide to change when he has had how many years of teenage existence to accept puberty and become the person he wants to be because even an individual like him deep down desires to be better whether they choose to acknowledge that or not"

"Maybe it is something to do with a particularly pretty brunette who lives next door to him-" I stopped at the end of the corridor and gawked at what she had just said.

Why would she ever think that I had something to do with the change in Cullen?

"Oh don't look at me like that, do you not even have the slightest inkling that the minute you move next door to him he stops being the arse that he is...That it is not just pure coincidence?"

"Tor, honestly and in the sweetest way possible...You need to have your eyes tested or something...That has got nothing to do with me"

"Fine...Fine, but I know I am right about this"

"That's your own opinion...Come on we can just about make French without getting a fry!"

"Would everyone please read the criteria for the mock oral exam in silence?"

"Wow...I wonder what the French consider as _actually consider_ oral when a piece of paper is what it's named as!" I smiled at Tor's comment in the middle of the French lesson.

"I think you are just dirty minded" I whispered in reply covering one hand on my mouth to stop the laughter from coming through...Hughes was not in the best mood, of course she had to disclose why she was in a bad mood – a student had intentionally trodden on her croissant yesterday which she got free for lunch as well as locking her out the door. No offence to her and the croissant but it did make me want to crack up with laughter...The younger generation do not have respect for oriental cuisine so much anymore and our teacher still had to grasp on that fact.

"All because of a stupid croissant...I am sure she can go home and have as many as she wants!" Tor whispered, clearly on the same wave-length and topic of thinking as me.

"Tor, leave her alone...It must have been horrible" I replied.

A knock on the classroom door forced us all to look up and honestly, my heart lept up into my throat when I saw the last person I expected to see through the glass.

_Seth Clearwater…_

"Venir s'il vous plait?" Hughes called out and the door opened, he may not have known French but thank God he had heard her.

"Excusez-moi madame puis-je s'il vous plait parler 'a Isabella Swan pour un moment?"

_Okay...That was weird!_

"Oui...Isabella, be quick now!" Hughes gestured to me fanning her hand to the door as the rest of the class carried on in silence, the other four members of our class could be faced with a bomb in their laps or at least a flood and they'd never utter a sound. Seth smiled at me, a little too smugly and feeling the burning stare of my friend at this sudden change of events in our usual French lessons. Finding my feet, I rose from my chair and walked to the door – Seth stepped out of the way, one of his hands still clutched to the door handle.

Once the two of us were safe in the corridor, he closed the door quietly and luckily our conversation couldn't be seen as I backed against the wall and Seth taking much needed sense of why I had done it...Shifted away from the glass at the door.

"Since when do you learn French?" I exclaimed fighting back a giggle at how proud he seemed to look and how he had managed the miracle of making a smile appear on the corners of Hughes's mouth...Yes that much I had to give him.

"I was never bad at languages, I just never took them...There are some things that remain private until they are needed" he answered informingly – I rolled my eyes.

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't have any lessons at the moment but...How would you like to take me up on that offer of the cinema, tonight?"

_Oh damn, now I can't lie because I actually have a mobile phone...That you know who had already given to me for Rose's party!_

"Oh-"

"Before you have a chance to say no...I didn't see you at all at Rose's party...Which I was wrong to let happen and...I miss hanging out with you"

In all honesty, I had missed hanging out with Seth as well...How can I say no and my English essay could always wait until tomorrow! Friends aren't easy at the moment...The one thing that was bothering me slightly was the fact that Seth had not done the friendly thing or at least what I expected him to do and made fun of the injury of my head. Perhaps he was still the sweet guy he had been before the pouring of his heart to me.

"I'd like that but...Seth...-"

"I can guess what you're about to say...It's either, you feel awkward about what happened between us when being the fool that I am put you in a damn awful position...Or...Your mum is worried about that bump on your head and will want to keep you at home"

_Jeez...I hadn't even thought about my mother's insistence to keep me under lock and key – man, this guy is good!_

"So...Let me get this straight...You brought me out here to ask me out to the cinema with you?"

"Yeah..I could have waited until after school, or knocked for you at home but...The earlier the better in case other plans were made in my decision to wait"

"Well...I have to get back to the lesson...So, yeah okay!"

Seth's face brightened and a large smile appeared on his face at my answer "great...I will come and pick you up at around six-ish?"

"Sounds great"

"Rendez-vous ce soir, Isabella"

As Seth walked away, I fought back the smile on my face and walked back into the classroom to the turning of Hughes's head. "Désole madame Hughes" the insistence of speaking French to the teacher when they can flit in between the two was not as much of a hardship as a simple apology...With a nod of the head...I closed the door and rushed back to my seat making as little noise as possible with my chair.

"What was that?" Tor whispered.

"I will tell you about it, later"

Maths had once again scared me into submission and the result being that I did not remember anything about the lesson...The one and only moment and perhaps it could be perceived as defining but the witch asked me how I was after seeing the evidence on my forehead, of course the staff were going to make my injury a topic...Does anyone have anything else to do? Have anything more pressing and downright more interesting in their own lives than to talk about me?

I had never done anything so far to make the teachers want to talk about me but it all goes on in ever school – the good and naughty lists on the wall and the constant moan about bad pupils and endless praise over the good ones at least the ones who were achieving.

After a simple nod, the lesson went on and the draining was now in place in time for lunch where Tor and I sat on our table.

"School will become such a routine that none of us will think twice about what goes on here" Tor said starting our discussion topic as she bit into her sandwich...I took a swig of my mum's hot lemon drink in the small flask that she had unknowing to me put inside my bag which of course made a cameo appearance as I got out the rolls I had made myself to take my mind off of the accident altogether when I had got home from hospital.

"Yeah...praise be that day!"

"I wonder why Edward isn't at the table..." even though curiosity took me over, I ignored the temptation to turn around and take a look – the stink eye from the Barbie's was never a task on top of my 'to do' list and never will be. "I wonder..."

"Tanya, Rosalie and Emmett are there...Wow, it looks so weird without him – almost incomplete..."

"That's because it is...Technically. Besides, they are not worth my time"

"One member should be..."

"Yes maybe he should but...Like I said before, there is no point in trying to make things right when the aftermath is still hanging over the both of us like a thundercloud"

"Fair play...Oh God..."

"What?" I saw Tor's face and eyes stretch out, almost a mix of shock and amazement at what had caught her eye.

"Tanya's coming over here...She's with a blonde guy-"

_Say what, now?_

"Hi Bella"

_Shit...Shit...Shit...Why me?_

"Hello...Bella's friend" I scoffed quietly with my back to her, of course she wouldn't know Victoria's name – heartless bitches only ever think of themselves. Doesn't she have some guy that she can screw so that I may enjoy my lunch in peace?

Turning my head, I forced a small smile on my face and locked eyes with her "hello"

"I heard about the accident-" _of course!_ "I came to see if you're alright"

"Well...Thanks but I'm alright"

"This is Jasper by the way, he is in the year above us...Jasper this is Bella Swan"

"Pleasure to meet you, Bella" he held out his hand and if I didn't immediately like the company he kept then I'd be somewhat pleased with the politeness he radiated through his greeting.

"You too" I took his hand and shook it softly before taking it away, again – _Mental note...Get disinfectant!_

"Glad you're alright, then...We must be going" she turned to Jasper and smiled..._Well, they're fucking!_

"Bye" Tor said but the effort went unnoticed as the two walked away...I turned back to Tor and put my head to the desk with a thump.

"Why...Why oh why does my head have to cause such a bloody stir around here?" I said into the table not needing to have an answer or a comment in reply, it was more of a question for myself.

"There was me believing that no one could be better looking than Edward...I am suddenly glad to be wrong!" What was with my friend, so delirious to the fact that both guys she spent her time fawning over did not have the same view on romance and young women as what she may want to believe inside her head.

"Tor, he will be exactly the same as Edward...Look at the girls they both have kept company with"

"I know but come on, there is no harm in dreams and fantasies"

"Perhaps Cullen is next in the fuck queue!"

"Wow, I have never heard you swear!"

"Get used to it...With the changes going around who knows what may happen"

*(After School)*

"Mum?"

"Up here, baby..I'll be down in a minute!"

At my mum's call from up the stairs, I kicked off my shoes by the front door and walked into the kitchen humming to myself turning on the kettle and fetching two cups...I needed a drink to go with the next set of painkillers..Now was the time to tell my mum about the plans I had made with Seth and a plain headache was the least of my worries.

"Hello sweetheart, how was your day?" mum greeted me giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Fine"

"Good...How's the head, did it give you much hassle?"

"No not really"

"Sit down, I'll get this!"

Mum brushed me gently out the way and I was not in the right mood to argue with her and demand that making a cup of tea is not going to send me into a coma.

Sitting down, I ran over what I was planning to say in my head at warp speed and opened my hand to put the pills on the table that I'd already taken out of my bag.

"Here we go!" mum put the cup in front of me and bringing it up to my mouth...I blew on it for a few seconds before taking my tablets with my other hand and downing them with the hot liquid letting it fall down my throat.

"Mum...I have something to tell you"

"What is it, honey?"

"Seth asked me out to the cinema, tonight and seeing as I have no work – I would like to go with him..."

"Bella-"

"Please, mum...I have my tablets and a phone in case anything goes wrong...I trust Seth and he will look after me"

"Alright, you are clearly not going to budge on this one, but please make sure you're careful?"

"I will...I am going to go and get ready" I rose from the chair and left mum in the kitchen, in the privacy of my room..I threw down my bag taking it off of my shoulder and gasped at the knock from my window.

A knock can only mean one thing...

Only one person can do that!

I opened my blind and opened the window up to let Edward through, stepping away as he clambered through and gazed at me apologetically.

"I am sorry, Bella...I wanted to ask you whether you might be able to help me out with my essay question for English?"

_Now...Now?_

_Why did he have to want me to help him, now?_

"Oh...Well, what is it?"

"It's in my bag...I can't remember it at the top of my head..."

"Edward, believe me...I will help you...But I have plans tonight"

"Really?"

"Yeah...Seth has invited me out and...We haven't seen one another in a while, and-"

"Of course...I am sorry, the last thing you need is to have me taking you away from a night out...Can we reschedule?"

"Of course, tomorrow...Tomorrow you can come round and I'll help you as much as I can" _What could I do...I couldn't deny him when he needed help. I know change of tune but he genuinely looked like he needed my help._

"Great thank you"

"No problem"

"Have fun, tonight"

"Thanks...See you around, Edward" he looked a little pained about something but he found himself and straightened out his shoulders and bent down and swivelled his body to climb down the ladder.

I was torn then between going out with Seth or staying at home...A night out or a night in with awkward conversation when the topic finished.

It had to be going out!


	22. Hurtful Debates

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

_Fuck fuck fuck and more fuck!_

Life was never easy, thank the sod whoever stated that life was beautiful and meaningful and kill him again even though he is still dead most probably...Basically all of the fiction literature writers creating an ending with a silver lining...Stating that if a character or even a number of characters does something wrong then everything was going to work out in the end. Does that happen for young male students in the year of 2010?

"Hey buddy!"

Emmett had come through the front door, mum had gone to work for a later appointment...Which makes a change to seeing her at home before us most days. I knew what she was trying to do, all of the appointments that she had with her clients this week were being bumped to the earlier days of the week because my father was coming home on Thursday and being so in love with him after all of these years has still turned her into a smitten school girl whenever in a blue moon he managed to get the time off of work.

"What's up dude?"

I looked up to see Emmett at the front door of the living room, enough was enough after seeing Bella happier and planning to go with Seth to the cinema, tonight...It was the straw that broke the camel's back. How can I carry this on?

How can I ever do this to her?

"Emmett...Look, I can't do the bet, anymore alright and...I'm dead serious about this because it is a fucked up thing and..."

"Alright, dude...Breathe for a minute, you sound like a girl!" Emmett sat down on the sofa beside me. "What's going on...You haven't said a word since playing the hero to our favourite girl next door!"

"There was nothing heroic about it...What was I supposed to do, let her die?"

"This isn't about you, this is about all of us in the bet, Edward" Rosalie came in and I groaned, of course Em was going to come home with his sissy when for the first time in my whole life I needed to talk to him about what was going on inside my head.

"I think we all need to chill for a second!" Emmett interrupted suddenly, playing the peacemaker.

"What the hell does it have to do with you...With my dropping out, Emmett can win and have the money...Or you can keep it and buy some...Lipstick or whatever you girls buy!"

"Wow...I am glad you aren't majoring in women studies, Eduardo because...You suck!"

"Fuck off!"

"Guys..."

"Why are you getting so protective over the nobody next door...I mean, you say that you haven't completely been pussy-whipped by her and now lo and behold...You are giving up!"

"This isn't giving up...We're destroying an innocent girl-"

"Exactly...She's innocent...Which is what makes all of this so entertaining!"

"You're sick"

"This whole bet thing is what you agreed to...If anything you are just as sick as me!"

"Rosalie...Back off!"

"No Emmett...I am not having this, if you won't do it then I will find someone who will!"

"Oh yeah like who?"

"Jasper Hale"

_What?_

"Yeah...It seems that Tanya introduced them, today when you were off gallivanting somewhere else – he wants in!"

"What the fuck...Emmett?"

"Nothing to do with me, man!" my brother put up his hands and suddenly the desire to plummet him one was having an effect over my fingers.

"Back out, then...Be a chicken!"

"You're telling me that Jasper wants to destroy her?"

"Apparently he thought she was very pretty – of course, I have no idea what he might be looking at..."

"How can you let this happen, Em?"

"I let Rose have free reign to do what she wants-"

"Yeah, you're a pussy!"

"Hey don't play that with me, man at least admit that you have feelings for the virgin and Rosalie may back down-"

"I do not have any feelings for her"

"Yeah right" Rosalie scoffed, God if only there wasn't such a negative reception on hitting women...Besides, Rosalie was not a woman at least not a proper one with morals and a little bit of a personality.

"I don't...Jasper is going to be far worse than me-"

"Why do you care if you don't have feelings for her?"

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD...WHY DO YOU WANT TO HURT BELLA SO BAD...WHAT HAS SHE EVER DONE TO YOU?"

I had risen from the seat now, no chance in hell was I now to remain calm after hearing Rosalie spout so much shit...If she is in love with my brother as she has so claimed to him then how would she feel if he were the one to bet with his friends to have her say how she feels to him? If this was about her, the hurt and the heartbreak plus God knows how much outburst of emotion then she'd change her mind...People like her only think of themselves and now, my so called friend Jasper wanted in on it?

"Edward...Man...Chillax-"

"No I won't chillax, Emmett if this situation were reversed and Rosalie was the one who was betted against how do you think she'd feel?"

"I wouldn't care"

"Bullshit!"

"Rosalie...You'd be pretty knarked-"

"What do you know about me, Emmett Cullen...This is not about me and your brother is twisting things so that I may back down from this as a result...Tanya wants this to carry on and her money is now against Jasper-"

"Oh I wonder why that is!"

"Yes, Tanya has found better things with Jasper than she did with you, Edward...Then again looking at you and the person you have become because of the virgin that's hardly surprising-"

"What exactly have I become, Rosalie...God forbid I may actually have grown some common sense and dare I say a heart because of all of this!"

"You...A heart, I don't think so!"

"Rosalie-"

"No he needs to hear this...He should know...If he wants to keep his place in our circle then this is what he must do. What will happen now, Edward...When everyone hears about your giving up in cowardice – do you think that they will want to have anything else to do with you?"

"I don't care about those people...Those people do not give a shit about me, you don't give a shit about me and my brother certainly does not give a shit about me unless he agrees with me to end this-"

"Whoa hold on that's not fair-"

"Emmett this was YOUR idea...You wanted to play a part in this but you did fuck all...The minute you found out that _she_ felt more for you and so I was left with the brunt of it-"

"Edward, the minute I found out about Bella's car accident...I was not sure about this whole thing, either but people have paid money to see this through to a result and it is not wise to take the entertainment away from people-"

"Entetainment, bro seriously sometimes you are sick...I know why you say these things and it's all because of _her_...Fair play if you two love each other...I am all for that even though my head is screaming at me to stop it...The least you can do is let this whole thing go"

"Are you worried about what she might think then, Edward?"

"I swear to God-"

"Lo and behold, Edward Cullen the only friend that she has ever thought to have had apart from her geeky redheaded one were to betray her and tell her that everything he has ever said to her was a lie – how would she react?"

"No one is going to tell her, I have to be the one to do that"

"You're seriously going to tell her?" Emmett looked at me, bewildered and a little shocked in his facial expression...Rosalie stood her usual stance with her hands on her hips. If she was not going to be the one to back down then my brother would, there is some good in him but it gets buried for so long that the only people who hope to find it and experience the good in him is the people who are close with him. In this case, it was mum, dad and I...His family who experiences his behaviour day after day.

"Yes...She deserves to know and she can hate me because honestly I'd hate me, too...This whole thing was wrong and I was a stupid wanker for agreeing to any of it!"

"If you back out of this, now...Tanya will tell her!"

"To fuck she won't...When I tell Jasper about how many men she has fucked and how she hasn't gone and got herself tested for STDs even though she does claim to be clean then he will not want anything to do with her. You see, Rosalie this is what happens when someone puts their trust in you for only a short while and tells you things. I may have been drunk during the many secrets that Tanya Denali has disclosed to me but, my memory remained"

Rosalie eyes grew wide and for some heavenly seconds there was silence in the house around us...She knew what I meant even though I had spoken of Tanya.

What my oblivious elder brother doesn't know is that Rosalie Adams has been one of the only five girls I have ever fucked, after sobbing her heart out to me that she loved my brother and that it pained her to have him look at her but never truly 'see' her – she had found some kind of desire for me and of course, being the guy that I once was how the hell was I not going to deny it? Rosalie was beautiful and I still thought so, but there was no personality in her and the fuck was emotionless basically just animalistic and quick and honestly, too damn easy.

"You're a coward, Edward Cullen" Rosalie finished folding her arms to her chest. _Not so strong now are you?_

"That may be but at least now I am making up for the damage that I have caused to everyone at some point in my life...People like you will never have true friends and if my reputation fails me at my actions of never accossiating myself with you and your 'circle' then that is the way that things are meant to be. At least now there is an opportunity for me to find a real relationship with a woman, one who I want to be with every moment of every day and a person who I share everything with. There have been many girls who have been fond of my shoulders for them to cry on" at my end remark, Rosalie stormed out of the room taking the shit in the atmosphere with her and my brother and I were left in the silence.

"Are you not going to go after her?"

"You're joking...She'll have my balls and not in a good way!" Emmett answered, I had to smile..He was an idiot but he did have some sense to stay away from the stabbing eyes and furious demeaner of his girlfriend.

"Sorry...But she was fucking me off" I sighed throwing my body back against the cushions.

"Don't worry about it...Those things were deep, Edward and..It's nice to see you saying those kinds of things again"

"Shut up you soppy git!"

~~**~Bella~**~~

"So what do you want to see?"

I couldn't for the life of me remember the last time I had ever gone to a cinema...The last time was with both of my parents and it was always a nice pastime for me. Although standing beside Seth in front of the screen with featured films seemed like I was younger again and all the memories of how happy we were to be with one another and how much we loved spending time together filled my heart and made it swell inside my chest.

"I don't know...You choose"

"You're not afraid of seeing anything are you?"

"Like?"

"Some people don't like horrors and some may not like sci-fi because of the volume of the film..."

"Oh" I found it sweet that Seth still looked out for me, even when we were talking about things that weren't even real and had actors being paid heaps of money to add to their career lists and amounts of work in the industry in them. "No, anything is fine by me"

"Alright"

As Seth queued up in the short line, I sat down on a row of seats next to various people who were also waiting for the people that had accompanied them to get tickets...The smell of popcorn trailed through my nostrils and into my head and my mouth began to water unexpectedly. Damn me for not having much food ever in my diet – the sole reason that I did not like my body was because of my lack of curves and shape...I was stickly thin but not thin so as on the verge of death – the whole point of having curves is to eat and I rarely ever had appetite for anything more than a sandwhich. I was believed to think all of this normal as no doctor who had ever treated me for anything in my limited amount of visits to a hospital or a doctor's surgery had pointed it out to me. Must have all been in the genes because my mother was thin by natural means as well, my father was much more sturider and taller but that may be because him being a man they have different builds. As my mind pondered around body shape, my eyes trailed over to Seth and I studied him from the side without meaning to make it look like I was checking him out or something. Seth was nicely built, not meaning to sound like a complete pervert but he was...He was a strong build but not one ounce of fat was on him...He had tanned skin similar to that of Jacob Black's but of course the difference between the two of them being that Seth was definitely worth ten of Jacob. Seth wasn't tall but he wasn't short...I am guessing around average but what do I know about average heights of men and women?

I took my eyes away and stared at the floor, the wood gleaming with cleanliness along with the sweet smell of popcorn and various different foods and confectionary – the one thing that had always astounded me about cinemas was that they always urged you to fatten up at the highest of prices...Fair play if the movie was so terrible that the only consolation a person may have is that of eating but the noise of people putting their hand in the bags of the popcorn drove me insane and the noise was always the most prominent in a good part where there was no music in the film to add to suspense of audiences.

"Hey so...I figure we would have to see Twilight Eclipse"

"Twilight..What's that?"

"I don't really know, I think it's about a human girl and a vampire boy falling in love but there have been two films before this one-"

"Oh..Have you seen them?"

"No but my sister is an avid fan and never seems to stop making it known to me..."

"Does it matter if we haven't seen the other two?"

"It shouldn't do...Besides, it was either this or Toy Story 3!"

"Yeah, perhaps human films is a little easier right now" I joked taking my ticket from his hands.

"So do you want anything to eat?"

"No...I am good but you can have something"

"Don't worry I was planning to" he replied with a mischevious glint in his eye, I rolled my eyes and walked with him to the counters along with a friendly greeting from a man in uniform. "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

"I'm fine thanks Seth...Really"

"Alright can I get a large salt popcorn with a raspberry slush puppie...Also two hot dogs and a side of tortilla chips, please?"

"Wow...Storing up for winter?"

"I have to eat loads at these places...The food has to be enjoyed because this is the only place food like this can be...I am away from school and I doubt very much that coach is going to find me here so I figure what the hell?"

I scoffed in amazement at how much he had asked for and where the hell he was going to store it on his body – I suppose some of us had the pre-concieved luxury of never having to put on weight no matter how many calories we consume. I don't see it as a luxury, more of a curse than anything else.

"Here you go!" All the food was placed on the counter and, I being the natural helper thanks to my father's influence on me as a child took the popcorn and one of the hot dogs in my hands after popping the ticket in my mouth. Seth shot me an appreciative smile as he took the rest of the things and handed the man his money, telling him to keep the change. Lord knows how much money was left over and my mind was beginning to doubt that this kind of place and Consumerism Company kept a charity box for spare change.

Seth and I walked towards the main doors, the man checking the tickets was more than happy to take the ticket out of my mouth and tear the bigger half off leaving me to bite back down onto the smaller piece as he popped in through my lips again like some kind of letter box or a dog treat. Although, I was in no position to complain about it because other workers may have moaned and waited intentionally with dagger eyes for you to hand the ticket to them properly...Seth had room in his hands for his own and he reached over doing a balancing act for a few moments and took the ticket out of my mouth and we walked down the stairs to the lower number screens.

A film about a vampire and a human falling in love...How strange can they get?

~~**~Edward~**~~

"What is it, man you call me up and sound as if the house is on fire?" Jasper exclaimed with his hands in the air as he stood on my doorstep. No matter what the time and no matter what my mum said he and I needed to talk about this idea of his and how over my dead body was the plan going to go through to an end. Emmett and Rosalie had gone out, the pair of them still having mixed but awkward feelings about our little conversation and not being one to enjoy an empty house had had him around.

"I need to talk to you" I stepped to the side, keeping a lid on my anger until he had a chance to explain himself..The least I could do is hear his side before shouting at him if what I had heard is true.

"Alright" he wiped his feet and stepped into the front room, slouching down on one of the armchairs...I closed the front door and followed him..Sitting down on the sofa with my hands clasped in my lap in front of me..._Stay calm, Cullen!_

"So what's up?"

"I have heard that you want in on this bet with Bella Swan..."

"From whom, exactly?"

"Rosalie Adams"

"Ah of course, Tanya's little butt-friend...What about it?"

"Is it true that you want in on it?"

"Well no wonder you have been trying to keep her all to yourself, Edward you scoundrel!"

"Jasper, don't play the shit with me...Do you or do you not want in on this?"

"It would be stupid of me not to...Why let you have all the fun, eh?"

"Right...I am going to make myself very clear about this...Stay away from Bella Swan...If I so much as catch a whiff of you going anywhere near her that is too close for comfort I will not be held responsible"

"Wow look at Eddie and his protection act. Will you at least tell me why I am supposedly staying away from her...You are still in this bet are you not?"

"No"

"No...Tanya thinks otherwise?"

"Of course, seeing as the two of you are fucking she'd tell you everything, wouldn't she?"

"Me...Fucking Tanya Denali...Oh please, I may be an idiot sometimes Eddie but I'd never go anywhere near _that _if she was begging me and was close to her own death. I have someone much more pure in mind"

"Don't you fucking think about it!"

"Oh are you _jealous_...Are you getting your own feelings for your beautiful neighbour, Edward...I hardly see the bet as being fair when you see her every day. Tell me, have you seen her walking around her room with a towel on...Or better still with _nothing_ on?"

"That's sick"

"Hey there has to be a benefit for living next door to her...You have it made, my friend"

"The bet is off!"

"Au contraire...The bet is only off when all candidates have either made the decision to drop out or one of them has won it. I am taking Emmett's place. The man can hardly go into something like this when he has someone, already. I had Alice and she fucked me around and so...As a result...This is a good time to spread my wings again...Or some legs in my head"

"I swear to God if you do anything to hurt her-"

"What...What will you do, Edward..Warn her. It seems to me that you have already made quite an impression on her and dare I say found a friendship with her. The girl is starting to trust you and why would you risk her heart like that by telling her that this is a scam?"

"Bella can stay away from me...For her own good if anything else, I regret doing this Jasper and as my friend, you need to stay away"

"Oh I don't think so...Consider this game on, Edward...If what you're saying is true and that you have no other feelings for the virgin Swan besides friendship and neighbouring then this should be a walk in the park for you. I can always take the boat out for a sail and perhaps even get my own sails up in the process. See you later, friend"

Jasper walked out quickly before I had a chance to stop him, this could not continue...Bella needed to know about this and having her think badly of me was going to sting so fucking much but better her be warned about Jasper than to have her believe that he is her friend. Nothing I have said since our detention has been a lie, Bella wasn't going to believe that anything I had ever said to her was the truth but...She had to be kept safe.

Bella Swan did not deserve this and if this was the only way to stop it, then I had to do it.

_Way to lose her forever, Cullen!_

_Well fucking done!_

~~**~Bella~**~~

*(Two hours later)*

"I don't get it, why would someone who is in love with a guy go and kiss her best friend and tell him that she loves him just to stop the fight. What the hell was that?"

"There are two different kinds of love, Bella"

"Yeah...I mean there is love between friends and of couples but come on, she was clearly in love with her best friend and her boyfriend was too much of a saint to confront her. Vampire or not, I would have bit his neck!"

"It's a film, Bell"

"A film that doesn't send very good messages...Okay, the whole forbidden Romeo and Juliet romance between a human and a vampire is endearing that I can't deny but...As a person and a human with feelings and of course a beating heart...There can never be room for anyone else or any doubt. This girl was engaged to someone else and she cheated on him. No one is perfect but Jesus...Way to live your life stuck between two men who you have no control over. Pick one and stay there!"

"Perhaps we should have seen Toy Story 3!" Seth joked turning the keys into the ignition and driving out of the shopping centre car park.

"Sorry" I said, forcing a smile.

"No...it's both funny and interesting having you state your opinion..."

"What would you think of that...From a guy's point of view?"

"Guys don't have such a good reputation in relationships as girls...But, I mean if I was in love with a girl...Forget the vampire part then yes I'd be insanely jealous if she spent time with another guy especially one who I believed was not a good influence over her and may end up causing more hurt to her in the long term"

"So should she have kissed the other guy?"

"No, but...Love is too consuming, a kiss from a girl when you have a crush on them is like the air we breathe there is no stopping it, the desire to reach out and hold them in your arms and never once let them go again becomes too much and her best friend was so smitten with her and so, when you love someone that much there is no control"

"I suppose"

"However, I do agree with your point that faithfulness must be a given in a relationship...Going out and kissing other guys and then stating that in actual fact that a person just loves their boyfriend more is not done"

"Thanks"

"So...Vampire or Werewolf?"

"Neither"

"Seriously...Out of the two male leads you lead me to understand that you wouldn't pick one?"

"Yes...I find the other characters more interesting like, the bad vampires or even the humans perhaps they have more of a story. What about you, wolf or vampire girl?"

"Vampire...The blonde and the brunette were hot...The blonde more but hey, I have always had a soft spot for a blonde"

"The fighting was a turn on then?"

"Perhaps a little one" he shot me a smirk and I sighed looking out the window at the rainy night around us. "Do you want to put on some music?"

"No..I'm cool"

"Bella are you really one of those girls who just go with the flow, or are you waiting for me to make my own choice again?"

"I really don't mind"

"Come on, I picked the film..Which was a wrong move considering your little outburst but..Hey at least I didn't get you to see the other two which my sister should have been happy to lend to me if ever I asked"

"Don't worry, I probably won't enjoy it...Instead point out all the silly things instead of doing what normal people do and watching the damn thing allowing the escapism"

"I like that you're not normal, Bella"

"I am glad someone does"

"You don't need to put yourself down all the time, just allow people to like you for who you are and who knows what might happen"

"Yeah sure...Just don't hate me when I end up old and alone with only twenty cats for company!"

"That's not you, you're destined for a greater end of your life than the misfortune of being a cat lady..Anyway you're much more of a dog person!"

"Shut up!"

Seth pulled up, our journey home working out to our advantage because of the less traffic on the roads as the car came to a halt outside my house I unfastened my seat belt and turned to my friend. "Thanks for tonight..It was the most fun I have had in a long time"

"My pleasure, Bella...We have to go out again – if only for my own benefit to hear you debate so strongly again!"

"Alright maybe we will" I laughed and opened the passenger door, stepping out onto the pavement and into the cold nightly air surrounding my body unlike the contrast of heating in the car which had become my haven for a time.

"Bye" I waved to him and closed the door, watching on the pavement as he turned in the drive and drove off, waving his hand out the window before disappearing completely out of view.

"Bella?"

I turned to see Edward coming towards me, his hands in his pockets...The same demeanour that he had when he left my room through the window not hours ago.

"Hi Edward"

"Did you have a good time?"

"I did, thanks"

"Could I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure...Why don't you-"

"No...Believe me, this won't take long and the last thing you'll want is to have me in your house"

"Okay?" Admittedly, I was a little scared at how insistent he had been not to come in, what could he have to tell me that could cause him such a change in demeanour?

"Listen...I need to say I'm sorry and don't say anything until I have finished what I have to say...Trust me when I say that I would much rather never have to tell you about this but because you have become a friend of mine that gives you a pure right to know"

"What is it?"

"Bella...There are two things, one is about Jasper Hale..."

"I met him, today...Well he was with Tanya"

"Yeah...He is planning to get to know you more and..."

"Why?"

Edward took a deep breath, tears filling up his eyes and then, frozen to the spot outside my house with the light sprinkling of rain showering us both...I was more scared than ever before and butterflies flew around my stomach like bees in a nest and that was my indication that something had to be wrong.

"Jasper wants to get to know you...Because he wants to win a bet"

"A bet...I don't-"

"Bella, please...This is already too much for me to cope and you haven't heard all the rest of it"

"Sorry"

"The bet was Emmett's idea...He made a bet with Rosalie and Tanya as to who can try to get to know you and possibly make you feel more for him and...Me. I was a part of the bet, Bella"

_I swear to all things holy my heart has stopped beating!_

"It was wrong and so fucking stupid of me and, honestly...Until recently none of it has been a bet anymore...The idea of us being friends made me feel happier than I had done in a long time and I never knew that I could feel that way, again...Please, Bella"

His hand touched my arm but, instinctly I pulled away...I could not believe what I was hearing...The dress...The phone...The warming me up from the cold...The car accident..Everything was done to win a bet?

How could he do this to me?

"I am so sorry Bella, if you never want to speak to me again then I understand but...You'll never know how much I've enjoyed your company and none of the things I did at the party and since perhaps even before then have been done because of this. My sole reason for telling you this is to warn you about Jasper...He is a player through and through and he will only hurt you...I may have done an unforgiveable thing but my warning you about him is because I want to keep you safe. None of this is what you deserve, Bella"

_He has the nerve to talk to me about safety when he has literally shot a hole through my chest with a bullet?_

_Get away from him, Bella...Don't let him see you cry!_

Shakily, I turned and walked up my garden path...Leaving him in the silence and fumbling frantically for my keys in my jeans..I never once looked back at him. The tears were falling down my face at everyone who must have had such enjoyment from seeing me be so foolish.

The moment I was behind the door and in the safety of my house, I leant my head against the door and let out the emotion as quietly as possible so as not to alarm my mother.

How is it one moment you can be happy and the next your whole world comes tumbling down?

Dad was right, you can't trust anyone.


	23. Sticky Wrongdoings

**NEW CONTEST...'Twisted Couples Contest'!**

**.net/u/2486718/TwistedCouplesContest****...**

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~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

*(Thursday)*

_Pain, hurt...Stinging!_

Hurt...Nothing but hurt and pain were swirling around my system so fast that there was no chance to ever bring myself out of this hell hole. Satan might as well come and take me because anything can be possible now that Edward had dropped this bomb on me...Okay, I was torn between whether to be upset about it because in my mind he had shown very nice qualities about himself when the two of us had been thrown into awful situations, but then my mind was free to wander to...Do I care about him that much to tear myself up over this?

None of this had been my fault, my mum was not to know about it because her and Esme had found a definite bond and Esme had played a small part in turning my mum's attitude of life around and bringing her out of her shell and Esme was a good-rounded person, perhaps a little oblivious to the true lives both her sons lead and what kind of people they really are but at the same time, because of her niceness and welcomed nature to myself and my mother, I will never be able to say a bad word against her because I respect her.

How on earth I had managed to do it but I had already gotten dressed, for the day ahead to be planned to ignore Edward and stay out of his way. For my own mental health and to keep my school academic record free from violence and possible assault on another student or students if I had my own way...I wanted to hit Rosalie and Tanya the barbies who must have some part in this because their interpretation of breathing and basically living their own lives revolved around the two Cullen brothers and frankly, as they must have a habit of making a targets life very difficult and they have succeeded with me.

"Bella?"

Mum had come into the room before I had a chance to steer her away or at least find an excuse to take her away from me as much as I loved her, right now...The look on her face – the ultimate concern and care that she felt for me sitting down on my bed looking like death on a mattress was going to be far too much for her to take...The choice facing me now will determine how she will react to my current state.

"How are you doing, poppet?" she asked me softly, the same softness of voice and the same condolence as she had always done when finding an inkling of my lower mood. Mum's know everything and don't let anyone tell you otherwise my only disadvantage at this present moment was that mum could always get information out of me because, along with my father before he had been taken away from us we as a family of three had always made a pact of keeping truthful and never once hiding anything from each other but that pact and the bond that we have and we have tried to keep, my mum and I since my father had gone had now got to be broken for the sake of my own behaviour and constant drilling to move on from this because I have been through a lot worse and also because I did not for one second wish to destroy Esme and mum's friendship which I know already is going to last for a very long time.

"I am okay, feeling a little tired that's all" I answered giving her as much of an assuring smile as possible without making it or having it feel false.

"School work building at the moment?"

The distressing part of this whole revelation as well is that I had not even begun to touch on my Wuthering Heights essay or my research paper for biology...Finding the energy and the will to do it was the monster because I felt so damn low and incredibly stupid.

"Yes"

"You will do it, baby girl...You always have done and your father and I have always been so very proud of you"

_Don't cry Bella...Don't cry!_

"Thanks mum"

"Well...Carrie is coming around to take care of Cosmo later when I start my shift, but I was wondering whether you wanted to have a lift into school, today.."

Being seen in mum's hippie van was the very least of my worries, but the idea had an upside today because walking alone usually entailed having to see either the Jeep or Volvo from the two idiotic and selfish bastards next door pass me...I may not have to endure that today and being away from them both even in the smallest way was better than nothing.

"Yes, that'll be great" I replied, genuinely happier from her offer.

"Good...So would you like some breakfast?"

"No thank you but...Could you make me some Camomile?"

"Ah I already thought of that...Come downstairs and join me"

Why did I have to be so naive after everything my father had taught me?

I haven't done him proud by beginning to trust Edward Cullen after everything that we had both been through!

~~**~Edward~**~~

_You absolute idiot!_

_I had to be honest...I had to be honest with her because she deserved so much more than this unjustifiable plan!_

"Dude, what's up you look like you want to stab something?"

Now was not the time to be speaking to my brother, the master and puppeteer of this whole fucking mess – suddenly when he had wanted to grow some balls and some real feelings he pisses off out of it and leaves me with the brunt. Jasper Hale better not go anywhere near Bella Swan because let me tell you this, how I have behaved is nothing compared to how he was going to windle his way into her slowly. My intentions had been to make her a friend but Jasper is always looking for the newest thing to fuck animalistically and that is why the two of us had wrongly became friends because the two of us possessed the same attitude...Of course now I was not the same person but I take responsibility for plummeting Bella and causing an effect on her where she is going to ignore me and rightly so...I couldn't even look myself in the mirror because of the shame. Bella was different and my hope was to try and remain her friend as long as possible because against everything my head was saying and everyone around me at the time may have said...I liked being with her because she was not like anyone else. Her behaviour was so very genuine and she never once lived in the pretence of anyone else and instead let the whole world see her for what she was and the people who may have wanted to.

My wanting and desire to be her friend so much had led me to the honesty of telling her and, she needed to be protected from Hale because he can be quite the persuader when his next victim of prey is unknown to his true intentions.

"Emmett, not now!"

"You told Bella didn't you?"

"Does it surprise you?"

"No...The Edward Cullen I know has said things and never stuck to them but, I never once thought you'd actually do it!"

"Too chicken...Too much of a coward?"

"Yeah to save your own skin-"

"That was the old me...Emmett, this bet was your idea and dad is back today so the last thing he needs is to see us at lock-heads. Tell your girlfriend that if Jasper sets foot near Bella he won't be safe!"

"Edward beating up Jasper isn't the answer, if Bella knows about him then there is no way that she is going to allow him to try to seduce her"

"When she is a vulnerable state, the state that I have put her in then she can probably do anything and I cannot risk her safety, Emmett...Bella is a good person!"

"Fine whatever you say, man"

"Oh and the next time the lovely Rosalie wants to yell at me, tell her to fuck off because she is not worth my time...Emmett be a man and control your girlfriend"

"Don't act all superior, you agreed to this so you are as much as fault as me-"

"I take responsibility for that...What you should do is help me get Bella back!"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because like you said, we are both equally at fault and this is something that we need to tell mum about..."

"Did you hit your head or touch any alcohol last night because you're insane if you think that mum should be told about this..."

"Why not, she has no idea what we do and come on, she'd be mortified if she found out what we do...The least we can do is let her in on this..."

"When she is best friends with Bella's mum...I don't think so..."

"So that's a risk we take, Bella has a right to be angry at me but you have to help me...Please Em, I have never asked you for anything important..."

"This really means that much to you?"

"Yeah"

"Alright then...I'll help you...But, for now leave me out of your admittance to mum because the only way I may be able to get Bella back on good terms is to pretend that I was not a [art of it"

"Fine but you will own up sooner or later..."

"I can't believe I am admitting this but...Alright...Let's do this...Get your stuff so we can get to school!"

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Hey Tor!"

A little relieved to see my best friend at the first place that we had met after mum had dropped me off at the school entrance, she smiled back at me the bruise on her head an obvious glancing point for a moment before her eyes rested on mine.

"Hey Bell, what's up you look exhausted?"

Thinking, the natural reaction to someone who means a lot to you informing you that you look tired – immediately if today was not in actual fact today and the things that have happened in my life not ever crossed my path I'd be mad at her. Instead, today being different like all days...I was relieved that my feeling tired was somewhat evident on my face – badly or not my looking like death on legs was justifiable with the bombshell that Edward had put on me.

"Thanks" I answered between a simple confident voice tone and a contented sigh.

"Are you okay; you seem a little...High...?" Tor trailed off, her face questioning and her eyebrows burrowed in her concentration of my face.

"Believe me, being high would be a much sought after comfort right now..."

"Why has something happened?"

I wanted to tell Tor but then again, what good would it do? Just a intentional vent of feelings and basic moaning about my problems to someone who, as much as she has been a good friend to me thus far...May never understand and hopefully may never have to do this or have to endure this kind of thing in their lives.

"Nothing important...Anyway, how are you holding up?"

"Okay...Nothing's really changed...You know me, the kind of loner and bookworm type that can only be interesting after about a total of two hours conversation..."

"Don't put yourself down like that..."

"I am not putting myself down if it's true..."

"Well I won't think that, not ever...Anyway, this day is going to be the worst..."

"It's school...When is a day ever 'good' or can be deemed as memorable?"

"Good point...Come on, I have to get to lesson..." Tor stood up and I linked my arm in hers, needing to have someone who cared about me enough to make me feel more content...Sometimes when I was that upset my reaction is to reach out to people to feel the warmth of skin on skin contact...Not nude or bare skin but even through clothes. A bit like mum – I wanted so much to fall into her arms or rest my head on her lap because of the need to feel security after being hurt – is that a normal reaction? Or is it just a childhood habit unable to die now I was older?

Linking arms with Tor for a mere ten minutes was enough to make me take a deep breath in and face the biology lesson ahead of me. Edward had never been placed next to me in any of our lessons but like any time in a classroom a person watching you – the person whose eyes you can feel burning your skin to the bone beneath from what they perceive as just 'looking' but to the person at the end of their eye feels intimidation and nothing else. Classrooms are like a magnifying glass...School days are like ants under a magnifying class, tread carefully or else face the burn. Face the untruthful behaviour of people you cannot begin to trust and take the higher road and stay away from or, trust someone as much as you can against your better judgement and walk the plank to drown.

I had drowned, in my own stupid behaviour and for ever believing that Edward Cullen and I could ever be considered friends by anyone else or be on good terms together without the need to worry about what his posse thought about our speaking.

He'd have to go back to them, now...A legend most probably for getting someone like me talk to him and find some good in his personality. Fine by me, as long as he stays well away...There will be no problems to bring to the surface and out in the open.

"Sit down, everyone!" I was not going to be in a state to answer back at any time in this lesson, against my greatest desire to smash something, perhaps a glass beaker against the window or at someone's head to get rid of the nervousness and anger of being in Mansfield's classroom...As usual, he had his strict cap on and after the note scandal between Cullen and myself there was an inner determination laid down in my mind to not get into anymore trouble with Mansfield, if proving myself a hard worker and worthy to be here in the first year of AS levels means that there is a chance to stay here for A2 Levels then by God was I going to be little miss Halo. It doesn't matter who stays on next year or who may happen to live next door to me...This is a bump and it was a bad bump for me because the tears still prickled at my eyes the moment my thoughts rested on the last words that Edward had said to me but this is all a learning curve and if I can be the person who stays on the higher ground and not to stoop to causing a scene or plummeting Edward's face in for making me look like a complete and utter idiot in front of the people I go to school with then that is the way things must be.

"Now...Would everyone hand in their research papers, please?" Luckily, I had done the science work taking detailed notes in my previous classes so that the final paper was nothing more than a write up and summary of those notes at hand. I still had my English essay to do for Monday but I have the weekend...Another night out with Seth may not be so bad if I can manage to get all the work I needed done to free up my time...

Once opening up my textbook I took and handed my booklet over to the person beside me and they placed it along with his own and the rest of the people on our row's papers at the end of the table which Mansfield came around and picked up from us.

"Well...I have to say I was waiting for the excuses that can sometimes occur from lazier students in AS level but all of you have been prompt with this...Let's keep it up for the rest of the year. Now did anyone have any problems with the module sheet or criteria for the year?"

_Why was he asking us this now, surely that may have been a better question for the first day?_

Fortunately there was no answer, or if there was a question the person or people may have decided on a whim to keep it to themselves because of the stick they may get from the people that did understand...Another thing about school, if you didn't understand anything and everyone around you did then...You're pretty much screwed for the whole of the year ahead.

I avoided Edward's stare, whether it be there or not by keeping my head down low but maintaining the same concentration for the teacher...Why should I fail thanks to him? I already have a sense of loss because, it might have been so very foolish but there was never a time where I enjoyed anyone's company as much as Seth as I liked having Edward to talk to, conversing through notes at the window or even verbally when he came in secret without my mum ever knowing. The reality of him coming through my window without her knowing was kind of weird...But a good kind of weird...Are my thoughts making any sense? Or had delusion made an entrance into my short life in the new part of the country?

Farningham had already proven that it had changed, in many ways...But, as it seems...I was changing along with it – what was my dad going to say if he was here with me right now?

_Bella grow a pair...He is never coming back, why should a spirit's opinion mean anything to you?_

_The forces of nature took him away from us...Why should I trust fate a jot?_

Maths was a different story, the teacher had an unusual smile plastered on her face, was it possible for witches to smile...Except perhaps in Snow White when the evil queen is about to poison her prey? Perhaps the teacher had a way to poison her students...Hey what the hell do I know about anything, anymore?

"Isabella?"

My heart rammed into my throat when my name was called in her smooth, low voice on the verge of a male's tone and all eyes turned to me, from behind which I could feel instantly at the back of my neck and the lovely students from the front.

"Yes?"

"Am I distracting you from a very thoughtful discussion in your head?" _Yes, actually you were...Old cat-lady hag!_

"No..."

"Perhaps you would like to enlighten the class on what I have just said?" _Why do they need to be told twice, they have just had the misfortune of hearing it from your own mouth, first...Luckily I haven't lost my hearing completely love!_

"Pythagoras theory is measuring the length of right angles using the formula on the board..." I replied, copying her exact words...True, I was in a thoughtful haze because for these lessons I needed to be to maintain my mental health but I was paying enough attentions for situations like these, I was not going to be made a fool out of twice especially for a teacher that I did not give a flying fart about! A sigh with an agitated look from the teacher she leant back in her chair. _Why don't you stand up near the board like every other teacher...Afraid a student will catch your cauldron stashed in the bottom drawers?_

"If I can have your full attention then you may have a slim chance of succeeding this year..."

_I will succeed better than you, stuck in a job where no one respects you and no doubt with any sense throws darts at a picture of you back at home or sticks pins in their personalized witch maths teacher voodoo dolls!_

"Sorry..." I didn't apologise with feeling, why should I? The witch had put me on the spot intentionally to watch me fall flat on my face and some teachers must get enjoyment from proving points but this old hag will never have anything on me because I have hearing like an eagle's with my full attention and honestly, I had already proven to myself that my old habits in the hearing department hadn't ceased.

"Right now for the next part of the lesson..."

I zoned out, safe from her eyes and secret magic wand...Perhaps my focus was not going to be the same as I had constantly told myself it was going to be but, people can have bad days..Even I, the straight A grade student with a clean record...Well, that may not be so clean anymore thanks to a certain Cullen.

At the relieving sound of the lunch bell, I gathered my things from my maths table and walked out, not stopping once for anything and rushing to the canteen to see someone normal and the only person in my life who had shown any normalcy apart from Seth and that was Victoria.

"Hey babe!" she greeted me with a smile, a much needed smile...Sometimes a smile can mean so much more than words and in my case, a smile meant the world to me because it was an honest smile and even out of all of this, Edward and I stay away from one another there is a chance that in my future there will be a place for Tor.

"Hey" I sat down opposite her, my usual spot with my back from the table that had members on it that I wish to stay away from otherwise fill out the temptation to throw darts at them...Who needs a picture of someone to throw them at when there is the real thing in front of you?

"So are you going to tell me why you are so on edge today?" she asked me, holding her sandwich up to her mouth slowly and taking a bite.

"What makes you think I am on edge?" I asked, putting up the barriers...I know, wrong move but if I can get the defence mechanism down now then it will save me any hurt for later on.

"Come on, you can talk to me Bella..."

"I would Tor, but it's my issue and it'll all blow over..." _Oh please tell me this will...It's not bringing out a very good side of me!_

"Alright but I am here, you know...Oh..." Oh no, Tor had the face that had once made an appearance when Tanya had shown her face near us and within close proximity of the table we sat on...I felt the dryness in my mouth.

"What?"

"Jasper's coming over..." _Of course he is, probably wants to get a head start on beating Edward to the kitty of money he's competing for!_ I rose from the table and turned to see him right in front of me about to speak...

"Hi B-"

Hurriedly, I walked towards the lunch queue needing to get myself a drink...The line stopped much to my dismay and the dinner lady stopped the students in front of me...I bit down on the insides of my mouth keeping my anger at bay...Of course, there was an obvious advantage to this and that was that Jasper did not know that I knew. Edward had told me, whether he had done it for his own benefit to win the bet then who knows?

"Bella, how are you?" Jasper asked standing beside me, whispers from the students behind us led me to believe that he; himself did not make conversations with students like me a general and everyday occurrence.

"Fine" I replied looking everywhere but his face...Who the hell does he think he is, if anything he is just the same as Edward...A school bully who preys on students who can't stand up for themselves. Well, Edward and I may not be speaking right now but thanks to him and what he had done...Jasper did not scare me and no way was I going to be persuaded into anything...I could defend myself against him? If this gets me another mark on my record then hell it was going to be worth it.

The dinner lady let us go then and I brushed past the students hovering in front of the food and opened the lid to the cooler and took out a bottle of strawberry milkshake...For intentional reasons and paid the woman at the till.

"So I was wondering whether you wanted to go out with me, sometime..." I was halfway to the table when something made me stop and turn towards him. This was all a game to him so I may as well get my fun.

"You see Jasper...I am not one of those girls..." I informed him in as sweet of a voice as I could muster along with small bats of my eyelashes but not enough to make them look so obvious to onlookers.

"Aw...I am sure you are, trust me...I know how to show someone a good time..." his remark wanted me to throw up all over him but instead, I chose to smile sweetly and open the lid to my drink.

I took a small swig and then as fast as I could, I lifted it up and tilted it, the red liquid going all over him from his head to his toes, the blondeness of his hair wetting down to a darker colour as he growled at my actions. I smiled proudly, everyone in the canteen had howled with laughter at what I had done but...The reaction was not important...Jasper and everyone else needed to know that I was not to ever look like a fool again, not by anyone like him.

"That's the thing...I don't trust you" I said throwing the empty bottle on the floor and walking away from him with my head held high.

That was definitely worth it...I nudged my head at Tor as she fought back her laughter and followed me out of the canteen doors...How I had managed to do that without a teacher seeing me was a miracle.

"Oh my God...I can't believe you just did that!" Tor managed to speak out through her uncontrollable and infectious giggle.

"Isabella Swan, my office!" I turned to see the headmistress staring at me her hands on her hips...Standing outside the other canteen doors as we both approached them.

Any normal time, I'd be worried...But that was so worth it!


	24. Shaky Business

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"In!"

_Cue the dog-speak!_

_I do think it's funny when teachers think they have the upper and superior hand when angry with a student...Talking to them like they have just brushed them off the bottom of their shoes to make a point. Do they speak to their husbands or family like that or is it just an acting necessity for their jobs?_

I walked past Mrs Boyle...In actual fact she was a very large Scottish woman with absolutely no dress sense and her skirt may as well be trousers judging by where the waistband sits underneath her bra – along with the bad wardrobe she harboured a large boil on her chin...How very convenient!

I disliked the woman, I can say that right now because of the profanities and evil thoughts whirling around my head as my mouth maintained zipped closed to show some kind of respect and goodness in a student taken by her determination to prove a point. This headmistress had allowed male students to come into the sixth-form here and never will she be able to give me the excuse of this kind of situation never happening because younger students wearing the uniform that she had chosen were knocked down and bullied by the male posses all the time but with the reason of the guys not being under Boyle's order and duty of care – it all gets brushed away under the carpet God forbid that the 'OFSTED' inspectors never see them.

Sighing at the dullness of colour and checked artefacts placed around her office as I sat down at the empty chair opposite her desk, I was surrounded by Scotland in the shape of paintings and even her or her husband's hung kilt at the end of the room on the ceiling was not proof enough that she was from Highland heritage to satisfy her taste in her own office decor. Fair enough, a person may love their country but this office looked like it had been dragged from Scotland to here and back again. Nothing English was there, except maybe a cup of tea on the desk which her snooty assistant must have given her. Why did she have to have an assistant anyway, was she just too lazy to go and get anything herself? Boyle was large enough to have packed away a good few burgers or maybe some large dishes of haggis in her time so perhaps that was all the reason I needed to put that point to rest.

"So...Isabella..." There it was, the disappointed tone that made younger students crawl to their knees and beg for forgiveness whenever it reached their ears...Luckily for me, there was a reason for why I had done what I did and so what...Another mark on my record won't hurt me...Even suspension crossed my mind, then but I was not phased...Why should I be?

"Yes?"

"Would you like to enlighten me on why I have brought you down here?" What kind of question was that...I knew the answer, she knew the answer and so why did her and the witch earlier ask me questions that were so damn obvious to anyone with more than five brain cells...Was this some kind of intimidation or an act to bring out the regret and remorse from me, make me feel sorry for showing the rest of the students a good time in the canteen at my own expense? I am sure half of the people in my sixth form had wanted to do that to Jasper, of course either that or drool over him but I was neither or – I was happy to stay away from him and never have the misfortune of having him cross my path again after he had done once with Tanya but, fate had things differently and he was never going to treat me badly and now he may have that drilled into his egotistical brain!

"I am here because of my unfathomable act of pouring milkshake over a male student in the same year as I..." I answered her, it was unfathomable to her...It was not to me because I knew my own reasons.

"Do you believe this is acceptable behaviour?"

"No Mrs Boyle but, what I don't consider acceptable behaviour, either is egotistical males making bets with their friends as to who can bed the most vulnerable member of the female sixth..."

"I beg your pardon..." _Of course you won't understand what I am saying, dried up Scottish lump of lard!_

"Is it fair that the male race as it is cannot find it in their hearts to accept women as humans rather than playthings?"

"Isabella, I have no interest in what the males have done...This is about you, why did you do it?"

"I did it because, Jasper Hale is a player and he gets women drunk and does all kinds of things to them behind the school and into personal life...He walks around like a King and everyone bows down to him...His intentions of trying to get anywhere near my own underwear have now been drawn out completely...He just needed a little help of learning the hard way..."

"That kind of behaviour is not acceptable here, as you may or may not already know this school is known for its policy of treating every student fairly...I am willing to let this go if I do not hear another peep of trouble from you...Your record shows no previous misconduct in the school...But if this happens again, Isabella...We may have to place you in isolation or give you three Saturday detentions...Do you understand?"

"Yes"

"Good...Now, you will report to the canteen after you have left this office and clean up the mess you made – I will explain to Ms Meyer why you will be late for your Citizenship lesson, now go!"

Of course...Why would they punish me for doing something like that...Basically a warning, my first offence blah blah blah what the hell was that for the head of the school? She calls herself a disciplinarian and once again, I am let off the hook because of my golden record. Of course, maybe I should be grateful that I did not get anything else...But why did I feel like the act I had done suddenly wasn't worth it...Watching the milkshake go over Jasper and the reaction I had received had made things inside my body change...Almost like a kind of adrenalin through my veins and now, there was nothing left but to carry on the day as normal.

'Normal' like there is ever such thing as normal in everyday life...Is anyone really normal in the head?

As I walked out past the snooty assistant I halted in my tracks to find Edward Cullen sitting on the 'waiting row' of seats his head down and his arms resting on his legs...As the door to her office closed behind me, his eyes shot up and his eyes softened from curiosity to regret as he acknowledged me standing there. If I were not so pissed off with him in that moment then I'd be concerned about the huge shiner on his right eye but...Not caring what he was doing or how he had managed to get that...I walked past him keeping my head up but the moment I managed to get behind a wall, I covered my mouth with my hands and let out a few deep breaths at how much that eye must have hurt. What is the matter with me? One minute I am planning his death in my sleep and now, I am feeling remorseful over something I never even did to him!

Getting a hold on myself and gaining some new prospective for my head...I carried on down the corridor on the short way to the canteen – now the buzzy scene dying down with only a few students left...Not wanting to hang my head in shame I walked over to one of the dinner ladies who took one single look at me and grabbed a mop leaning against one of the pillars near the tills of money and not wanting to look like a complete bitch with a sudden attitude malfunction...I took the mop from her and closed the distance between the spill and my current position...The evidence of my one ounce of bravery in school life and it was a shame I was about to wipe it away because never once before had I indulged in such behaviour but being bad was sometimes worth it – mum would never wish for me to carry it on and so...The memory of getting Jasper Hale sticky should live for today until tomorrow when the news of Cullen's shiner may be a topic of discussion and the person who had done it to him. Probably a pissed off girl with any sense and justice in the world.

I wiped away the pink puddle and handed the mop back to the dinner lady who honestly if I didn't know any better was holding a smile from appearing across her mouth and stepped out of the canteen...A small job but a big reward.

As I climbed the stairs on the way to my form room, the bell rang and I picked up pace...Meyer was a nice enough support for her tutor group but like any teacher she could have the ability to throw an amazing stink and cause tension in the atmosphere if she wanted to or if someone had intentionally made her own the eyes of the devil and take out her anger on any poor student who answers her back for pure or intentional reasons of their own.

The group had already gone in and, taking a deep breath to await the wrath...I opened the door and naturally, everyone in the room turned to stare along with Meyer.

"Ah so nice of you to join us, Isabella?" If I had my way, I would turn back round and forget her lesson altogether but what good was that going to do in the long run...Another lovely visit with the Highland lady...I don't think so!

Reluctantly saying nothing, I sat down at my seat and waited for the lesson which was pure and utter pointlessness because who gives a damn about how citizens in England live...Some choose to speak like they are hard and superior and others may want to stay at home keep their upturned noses in the air and drink tea...All modern behaviour and individuality in the country we lived in had died along with most of the population thanks to grouping and gangs. Let's discuss about the downfall of our country instead, perhaps a lesson like that may be more involved and interesting.

Meyer started the lesson, probably putting a red cross next to my name for lateness but how could I take her up on it when Haggis probably didn't even inform her of why I was going to be late in the first place? After today, the teachers may have an Isabella Swan picture up to throw darts at...They need some excitement in their boring lives anyhow and it may as well be me giving them some entertainment if only for a short time in the day.

Zoning out, I rested my arms on the table and let my mind wander to various different insignificant things that may give me some kind of escapism to a lesson which we never get examined on, yet the thing was compulsory. At least teach us something with an exam at the end of it...I was unfortunate not to be in a general disruptive form group so...The hope to watch the teacher attempt to control the class had died and gone to hell.

Meyer was on some kind of roll when the door opened, another teacher asking for her assistance outside the room...Probably a teacher problem that can't wait...A dead animal or some kind or perhaps Jasper's privates had chaffed and the scene was all unfolding in the common room...Again, if I were to be the sole reason for the students who constantly get ignored because of their own choices to succeed then so be it...I would then be helping the people I should be associating with.

The moment Meyer left the room, all eyes turned to me and it didn't take a genius to wonder why some people may be full of questions about how I can ever do that to the 'perfect' Jasper Hale and how I may be sleeping tonight. After moving here sleep had been limited but tonight, if all went well...I'd be sleeping like a little baby.

"Nice job, Bella" A guy said with a small smile on his face.

"That was so funny!" Another girl said giggling with her friend next to her – reliving the moment it happened in her head.

At my defeating blush of pride, I smiled at the students in my form and lowered my eyes to the desk in front of me, scanning over the various graffiti that people may have left over the years as some kind of tribute. This school had spent millions on a new building extensions...Was it too hard to fork out on some new tables as well? That was the thing about schools...All important things get left and more building goes up...What's next their going to have a teachers lounge instead of a staffroom...Put a playstation in there, or maybe if they're lucky a Wii?

Who was I to complain, this school took me in from somewhere else, even though the regret of making that choice hung over haggis burger and her toffy sniper assistant?– never mind, sometimes in life we don't get what we plan or decide...These things happen so deal with it!

As Meyer came back in, without one word of apology and going straight back into her useless talk...I zoned out again, what was the good about today?

Relieved that the bell went and my free period meant I could go home a little earlier – I gathered my things and placed them in my bag and hauled it over my shoulder, locking the locker and walking away...I relished in the noise from the common room drowning away as I reached the end of the corridor.

Signing the sixth-form sheet which they had put in place only today for reasons why students are leaving early in their free periods...I stepped out of the entrance and into the cooling air of the afternoon taking the sounds of bird singing and muffled traffic as my needed source of peace from a very hectic day.

A car horn blared and I looked up in curiosity and found Seth's car waiting in a space his head out the window with a welcoming smile on his face in greeting...I had never been so happy to see Seth until now, finally someone on the same wave length and who doesn't want to fry my hair for dinner was waiting for me...I smiled genuinely for the first time since the shake incident and I bent down to him the heating from the car surrounding my face.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him as he beamed.

"I have football, but I remembered you had a free period and seeing as walking gets you into near death-experiences...Hop in!"

As much as the thought of walking home welcomed me...I was never going to turn down the chance to get home quicker and hide under my duvet.

Walking around his car, I opened the passenger door and closed it behind me, the menthol scent from the tree hanging on Seth's visor mirror filling my nostrils as I reached out to my seatbelt, wrapped it around me and secured it tightly.

"A little bird tells me that Jasper got a bit wet, today..." Seth informed me in complete teasing tone of voice.

"I am sure he gets wet everyday...Just not the milkshake wet..." I replied watching my friend turn the key into the ignition and shift the gearstick into first.

"Wow, Bella Swan made a dirty comment...That school won't do well for your innocent and pure exterior you know..."

"Pure and innocent, please Seth say something normal...I have had enough bullshit today to last me for the rest of my teenage life. Who told you about the milkshake?"

"It's going around the guys school...If it helps the majority of them backed you...Jasper isn't like so much there because of the fact that he can swindle people out of money...Younger students I mean..."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"Did you want to do anything, tonight...I can bring Nellie and you can come and watch me play?"

"Oh Seth as much as I'd love to...Your coach didn't like me..."

"He doesn't like anyone with female parts...Some of the gays in the school get angst from him too...What can I say, he is a teacher and a man who likes his men to be men and buff up to what he expects them to..."

"So much for treating students fairly..."

"Self-beliefs and opinion are always taken into consideration behind the inspector's backs..."

"Tell me about it..."

"Would you like to tell me your reason for throwing Yazoo over Hale?"

"I had a good enough reason but, honestly...The less said about it the better..."

"Come on, Bell this is me...Seth...I am not going to tell anyone..."

"You promise?"

"Sure thing!"

"Um...You know Emmett's brother, Edward?"

"Who doesn't know Edward Cullen?"

"Well...He and I have been speaking, no more than friends and stuff but last night he told me that the only reason he ever started to speak to me in the first place was because of a bet..."

The car came to a sudden halt, luckily we were not minutes from the road to my house...I shot my head to Seth who with his hands still on the wheel gawked at me with concern and alarm showering his facial expressions. "What?"

"Oh believe me, it's nothing...Besides, Edward told me that Jasper was a part of the bet, too and so...As he tried to make me go out with him, I covered him in milkshake..."

"Fucking hell, Bell...Why didn't you tell me?"

"There's nothing to say, it happened and that's that..."

"Bella, that's not just nothing...I may not be friends with Emmett but I do know what he and his brother get up to but with stupid girls..."

"I was stupid to believe he may have wanted to be my friend..." Seth placed his hand on my shoulder making me jump slightly at the suddenness of his actions.

"This has nothing to do with you, Bell...Seriously girls like you deserve to be admired and loved because you can tell me what the square root of pie is and talk to us about things that don't corner around nail polish colour or text messages. The Cullen's are pricks!"

"Seth...Calm down..."

"No Bella, they had no right to do that to you!"

"No...They didn't but...It doesn't matter...I am over it, now..."

"You're not, I can see you're not...Bella...I wouldn't ever be like that...I wouldn't ever treat you like that..."

"I know that, Seth and I am grateful...Truly I am..."

With a small smile, mixed with a hint of hurt and regret Seth took his hand off of my shoulder and started back onto the road...There was something that he wasn't saying to me and it hung around me like a bad smell then and there.

Seth had told me that he was in love with me...Can he still be in love with me?

Was there anything to love anyway?

The question in my mind was never going to be answered and as Seth stopped in front of my house, a shade of blonde hair on a man swinging around a beaming Esme on her doorstep halted my plan to get out of the car and became the source of new questions.

"That's where they live isn't it?" Seth asked, obviously noticing my hesitation.

"Yes that's their mum..."

"Wow, I bet she doesn't have a clue about who they are..."

"No, but she is a very nice woman and a great friend to my mum since we moved here so...She is a good person with us and she always will be"

"Are you going to come see me play?"

Taking a moment to think, I opened my mouth to speak from the temporary snippet of silence "I'll ask my mum and see what I can do..."

"Thank you" Seth kissed his fingers and brought them over to place gently on my cheek...I smiled turning away from him to open the door as the heat rose to the surface of my skin and I closed the door letting him drive off into the distance and out of sight completely.

"Oh...Bella!" I stopped my haste to get to my front door as Esme rushed over, her eyes evident of tears but her smile wider and wider by the second...The blonde man who had shown her somewhat of a good greeting followed beside her, his hand wrapped firmly in her own.

"Hello Esme" I greeted her.

"I'd like you to finally meet my husband...Carlisle!" she moved her head to the man next to her as I finally had a chance to examine his face properly.

Good God this man was the spitting image of Edward, except with blonde hair...The same tone of skin...The same cheekbones and the same red lips slimmed in a line. Emmett definitely now looked more like his mother...Carlisle could easily pass off as a vision of his son in twenty years time, ballpark guess but then again, I doubted that Edward would ever be as successful as his father and work in another country!

"Nice to meet you Bella" he greeted me, the same velvet voice but only a semitone higher than his son's...Wow, he seemed so much nicer than his children. They say that children are a representation of their parents but in this case that saying could never be anymore wrong.

"Hello...It's nice to meet you too, Mr Cullen..."

"Please call me Carlisle...Esme has told me much about yourself and your mother...It seems you have become quite a hit!"

"Well...I wouldn't know, Esme has become a great friend to my mum and...Being new people we have needed people to act somewhat normally..." I couldn't believe that I was speaking to the man that had created the train-wreck of his two sons...Why weren't Emmett and Edward more like him?

_The world is fucked up, Bella...That's all there is!_

"We hopefully will see you tonight, then Bella!" Esme finished walking away...Well, more like skipping back into her house to reconcile with her husband after being away from him for so long.

_Tonight...Tonight?_

_What was she talking about?_

"Bella?" Still in shock, I turned to find mum on the doorstep. "Hurry up and get dressed into something nice, we are going to dinner at the Cullen's!"

_We are what now?_

_Oh God no...Please no...This can't be happening to me...Not now!_


	25. Tense Greetings

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"For Goodness sake, mum...I don't want to wear that, it's only next door it's not like we are going to be in the Ritz!"

Mum held up the dress that I had worn for the party in front of my eyes, my combo of jeans and a comfortable top were clearly not the correct attire for dinner with neighbours – of course, being my age there was no concept in my personality or knowledge about how to behave at these soirees...Those soirees included two members of the male population who have pissed me off to no end and brought the worst out in me for behaving like complete arseholes true to their souls.

"Come on, honey you'll feel better..."

The dress was beautiful bit if it did not hold so many memories about that one party and the connection that Edward and I had, now having some time to backtrack over our short time together whenever sleep never surrounded me and gave me ultimate peace now I can pinpoint it as being a connection. We did have something; something like a bond which I can never have with another person...How is that even possible? I thought so much more of Seth and never will I have the same bond with him as I do Edward...Whenever I was around Seth I never felt the same. The sooner I get over Edward and honestly see the end of this night so I may have a chance to hide under my duvet at last then so be it. All I knew then was that wearing the dress was never going to be a possible option.

"No...Mum this is the Cullen's, okay as much as Carlisle has been nice to me then I will against what I want, go to the dinner but you can't make me wear something that I do not feel comfortable in..."

"Alright, darling...Why do you look so nervous that you might throw up?"

"What do you mean?"

"Has something happened with one of the boys?"

"Mum...How would I have one clue about what those boys are up to...I am not a part of the crowd they decide to hang around with?"

"I just wondered..."

"This is all they are going to get...Besides, having three adults and three children is going to be a challenge in itself for a dinner without any more problems getting in the way..."

"What problems?"

"Mum...Please, nothing is happening or nothing is going on out of the ordinary...Now, let's go..." _the sooner we get going and shove the food down our mouths without the risk of indigestion the sooner I can be alone._

As mum led me down the stairs, my mind sauntered onto Seth who may have been expecting me to watch him from the football field tonight rather than oversee a nightmare waiting to blow up in everyone's faces when Esme and Carlisle Cullen find the shiner on their son's eye.

I didn't have a choice to leave to go and see Seth...As much as I might prefer seeing some angry and determined guys kick a ball around tonight.

Mum locked the door and linked her arm in mine, her smile beaming across her face so hard that it may as well be separate from her face altogether...I let her take me the short distance to the Cullen's front door and I watched her release me and knock lightly on the wooden surface, shooting me an encouraging smile as we waited for the door to open. I suddenly felt sick, sick of wondering who was on the other side of that door – whether it be Esme and Carlisle or the whole family, the sons along with me playing an act that could determine another optional career path in acting if the adults never suspect a thing.

"Hi!" Esme's loud greeting to mum pulled me out of how to force a smile on my face and whether or not to throw myself against the wall in front of me...For now, it was a 'make' decision...This dinner was obviously Esme and Carlisle's doing and would I really be helping if my 'sour face' became permanent even with the two members of this family that actually showed genuine feeling and obvious generosity to my mother and myself.

As the two women, deep in chatter and conversation about Goodness knows what, I stepped into the house closing the door and ending the prospect of being alone for a few hours as strength was needed to take me into this experience and fingers crossed, see me until the end.

"Hi Bella" Carlisle was standing against another doorway watching mum and Esme skip down the hallway to another room, linked arm in arm and forgetting about the rest of the world – at his sudden and limited smile at their direction his eyes slowly averted back to mine. "Probably best if we leave the women to it, eh?" he added with a smirk.

"I guess so..." I trailed off in reply, this was the reality about meeting new people...No matter how nice they may be, for the first ten minutes or so the prospect of making any great conversation was gone and there was only awkward glances to the floor beneath and the fiddling of one's hair became a comfort sought after.

"Shall I get you a drink of something...We have juice, squash, water...Or maybe there is something stronger you might like..."

"Oh no, I don't drink...I mean, I do but there is a difficulty when I witness what it can do to people and..." _Keep going, Bella...Make yourself sound even more like an idiot!_

"Don't worry, we tend not to keep alcohol in the house except on special occasions and even then the stash is kept hidden from our sons who have a liking for it..." _Oh you have no idea!_

"Then, juice will be great" I finished the topic of alcohol, the mere word of it stamping on my mind bringing back the memories of seeing what it had done to Tor and her behaviour with other people...Now was not a time to feel vulnerable in front of Edward or his brother, whether or not they were both attending this soiree.

"Good, come on through..." it was official in that moment, as I followed Carlisle into the large kitchen that may as well have its own roof and four walls. There was that look about it, the modern style similar to that on adverts where every viewer is ridden with jealousy about how limited finances take them away from living out their desire of having a kitchen like this one...I felt out of place, indifferent in the house inches away from my own but the two of them may as well be different countries altogether...I prayed then for a forklift or a large crane to take me away back to my own room, where I belong.

"Tell me about yourself, Bella...How is school going?" Now, I couldn't determine in this moment whether Carlisle was wishing inside to know whether I kept company with his sons, as much as my hatred for them remained raw in my system at this time, being a spy and a snitch was not a forte that I excel in, I have never been able to tell someone of another person's misdoings, whether they be connected by blood at all...Perhaps that was the good in me, who knows?

"Oh...Well, school is school...You get up and go and learn new things and then get tested for memory at the end..."

"No...What I meant is, how are you finding school because of being in a new village?" Carlisle's voice was so much like Edwards that if my eyes were closed, there would never be a way to figure out the two of them...The only difference was the hair and eye colour. I watched Edward's father as he poured apple juice into a small tumbler and added a few ice cubes on the top and wasting no time, handed it to me as I sat a little helplessly at their large breakfast bar my feet nowhere near the floor and dangling helplessly in the air. _Damn for small-height genetics!_

"Thank you" I said appreciatively, grasping the cold glass in my hand and rested it on one of the coasters in front of me as Carlisle sat down opposite me the bar the only thing separating us.

"You're welcome...Esme has told me that you're quite a cook..." _no surprise there!_

"Oh really, cooking is just a calming ritual I carry out sometimes, I believe that it's good therapy when a bad day becomes too much...Anyway, cooking isn't a career choice..."

"What is?"

"I really don't know, perhaps a writer...An accountant, scientist...Anything, really..."

"So you're academically influenced, choosing the more logical subjects?"

"Yes, unless you count Literature as logical..."

"Depends on whoever you speak to...Don't worry, I had no idea about what I wanted to do and then one day it came to me...Right place right time excuse..."

"Oh, people seem to get a lot of them these days..."

"Are you at all acquainted with my sons...Emmett and Edward?" _There it is!_

"I know of them, they are two members of the social groups that I don't hang around with...I like to keep to myself..." I hesitated; not knowing what was the line to get to before the information spouting out of my mouth will be too much for the oblivious father to handle?

"I have heard that they keep 'different' company...Bella, honestly and this may seem a completely stupid thing to ask but...Have they been nice to you?"

"Why do you ask?"

"My wife has a tendency to ask our sons to watch over people of the same age that she is fond of...I'd like to believe that they take on the duty..That is, how I raised them...Esme especially wanted them both to respect members of the opposite sex..." _Somehow it is hard to believe that Carlisle would ever allow Edward to treat women the way he had done Tanya Denali; then again she isn't really a woman!_

"Oh...I don't know anything about that, they have said hello to me and that is pretty much where things have gone..." I heard the lie come out of my mouth...Emmett may have been the only one to say the occasional thing to me, whenever he felt a need to but Edward had done so much more, but telling it will only cause more pain at the fact that all the things he had managed to do with me may have been complete lies without one ounce of truth.

"However, I keep to myself so...Perhaps if I were ever to be in some kind of situation, then who knows...They may well do you proud..." Singing their praises felt wrong – but their parents must have wanted different things for them and why cause them both unnecessary stress and pain – especially when Carlisle, himself was not around at all to witness it.

"We shall see, anyway...They will be joining us later so maybe you can meet them properly, then..." there was a hope in his tone of voice and it confused me, did he honestly believe that a mere neighbour like me could be anything more to his sons than a common acquaintance...If so, what was it that he was trying to say?

"Look...Carlisle...I have to be honest, there is no just cause for your sons to ever cross my path and that is not because they are intentionally staying away from me, we are not the kind of people to be in each other's company..."

"I believe you...Anyway, enough about them I am sure that they will have more to say when they get here...Tell me more about how you came here, Esme informed me about your father..I am so very sorry for that..."

"Thanks but there's no need to be, I guess things happen in life where we have to learn to be strong and...Losing dad was the most indescribable torture but...People die and animals die...I guess he just got ahead of the line..."

"Yes, well death should never happen prematurely, especially not to nice people like your mother and yourself...I can see you're good people, otherwise my Esme's fondness would indeed be short-lived..."

"Esme is a good person, she has been a much needed friend to mum...I will always be thankful to her..." _I just want her idiotic sons to realise that they had a great mother-figure in her and also a very good father in Carlisle who may not be there, but at least he was earning a wage to keep them living here!_

A sudden noise from the front door interrupted mine and Carlisle's deep conversation and, after scanning the pots on the hob and whatever was in the oven, honestly I never once noticed or paid attention to the fact that there was a mouth-watering smell of food around us both in the kitchen – now it became distinctive.

"Excuse me..." Carlisle walked out of the kitchen and out where we had come from, there was the muffing of voices and an idiot could figure out that it was Edward or Emmett, or both. My security now lied in the walls of the kitchen and from the smell of the food, staying here alone was my needed seclusion and being here was much better than facing the massive shiner on Edward's face that his father must not have known about, let alone his mother who actually lives with him.

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Edward!"

_Crap...Crap...Crap...Isn't it bad enough that my eye gets beaten by that wank-stain Hale but now, I have to gaze into the disappointed eyes of my own father as he looks upon the man that his son has become...Can I even call myself a man, after everything I have done through selfish means, there is no deserved advantage to being called anything but immature!_

"Hi dad" I answered him, Emmett behind me his stare burning into the back of my head.

"Are you kidding me, what the hell happened to you?" he asked me, concern and anger in his voice...I was expecting more of the Spanish inquisition or some kind of declaration of war but, at the moment he seemed to be surprisingly calm.

"I got into a disagreement with a guy in school...Don't worry, I have not been suspended because I didn't hit him back..." I wasn't so pleased to see my dad much anymore, I kind of missed the feeling of happiness whenever he came home and surprised us by completing our family unit...Of course being younger had a difference in my emotions.

"Alright, well...Clean yourself up and get changed, we have visitors for dinner, tonight..." _visitors? Us?_

"Who?"

"Renee and Isabella Swan..."

_Say what now?_

"What?"

"Our next door neighbours, your mum and I want to make them feel welcomed properly now, you and your brother go and clean up and come back downstairs to set the table..."

"Come on, Ed-" Emmett shoved me forward from behind and led me up the stairs, sensing that my temptation to row at my father for letting this happen a possibility in the air between us. No way was I mad that Renee and Bella were here at all, I was much more mad at myself for treating her so badly and now having to look into her eyes again and see what I have done to her and the extent of her hurt. Making that bet will forever be something I will never be proud of but the will for acceptance and also selfishness is the cause behind it, an innocent person was hurt because of something I have done and for the first time in my life, I could very easily smash my head against the wall.

"You alright, buddy?"

Emmett assured that I was okay as we gathered on the landing; I turned to face him a little bewildered the feeling must have been evident on my face as to the response I gained from my elder brother in his own face. "Of course I'm not..."

"Edward, cool it...We can get through this one dinner and if she wants to yell her throat raw at you then she has every right to..."

"What are you, the mediator...She knows that you are a part of this..."

"Did you tell her that?"

"No but come on, Bella is far from stupid..."

"I never said she wasn't..."

"Alright, Emmett...The last thing we need is to have mum and dad happy tonight, we can't get angry with one another no matter how much we may want to hurt each other..."

"You sound like mum..."

"Perhaps she has a point..."

"Fine, chillax and let's do this..."

One thing's for sure, this evening was going to be filled with awkwardness and tension, I just hope to God that mum does not pick up on it; she usually has the senses of an eagle if that is the animal with the best sense ability...Look at me, now I don't even make sense!

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Sorry about that, baby...Esme was showing me her beautiful garden; I don't think I have ever seen a more beautiful flower than the orchid!" Mum sang to me as she flailed into the kitchen her mind a long way from making a good simple shower, instead finding the beauty in something so small and having the passion run through her veins like sources of adrenaline – that was the thing about my mother, the smallest things tended to have more meaning in her life than the big ones...Say if something happened to affect all of us and the house we lived in, she'd never batter an eyelid but seeing a garden so neat with flowers gave her the enthusiasm and excitement to get through any bad day or period of time.

"That's okay..." I replied, suddenly the thought of the garden appealed to me, the chance of being alone to sort out my head whilst the adults talk about their children behind our backs was for once, a necessity because no sane person likes to have talk behind their backs but right now, I preferred it if only to get away and sort out the blazing inferno in my head about what was going on. Edward and I were going to be the very image of awkwardness and, who wants that at what may be considered a happy and sociable situation for everyone involved? Maybe Emmett invited Rosalie and to make me suffer even more, have me look at her stunning face from across the table and feel more inadequate about my own looks in the process.

"May I go and see the garden?" I asked Esme as she made an appearance into the kitchen with her husband close in tow, hand in hand of course.

"Of course, shall I give you a tour of the house?" Esme answered enthusiastically, a little too enthusiastically in my own opinion but hell maybe she will rub it off on me before the evening is out.

"No thank you, I like the outside..." Way to make a great answer that people will believe.

"Of course, the back door is down the hall..." I hopped down from the stool at the bar gulping down the rest of the 'Antarctic' juice from the tumbler and stepping out of the kitchen. Burying my hands in my jean pockets, I approached the back door that Esme may have been referring to – knowing my luck these past few days I may end up walking into someone's bedroom and have to talk quickly in order to prove my innocent act and not one of thieving or pure nosiness into the Cullen's privacy.

The birdsong filled my ears and breathing a silent sigh of relief, I stepped down from the decking area of the patio and out into the greenery of the grass.

Now, if I ever once assumed that the house may as well be in a different world, the garden was a different matter entirely...There was not that much size difference between their own garden and my own but at the same time...Mum and I were not green-fingered people and never made a conscious decision to make our garden look like this one because there was no time – especially then when I was contemplating about getting another job.

Up North in our old house, I had worked a spell of being a waitress in a local cafe and honestly, working there was one of the best times of my life because the people around me aka my fellow employees accepted me for everything that I was and never thought once any less of me...I belonged there and leaving that place was hard now that I think about it, more so than leaving my actual house. Down here may be a different matter in terms of finding employment easier, the village was so damn small and the only places that existed within walking distance were newsagents, a wine shop which frankly shouldn't be there and of course the pub my mum worked in. I loved my mum but I could never even think about working in the same place as her.

A garden like this needed its own reward for the upkeep, Esme clearly took pride in her family home and never had someone like that been in the same company as me, the reality of finding someone like that spouting constantly their improvements to their home and going through the ins and outs of construction and landscape switched off my brain.

Every area of soil was covered in various different flowers, winter flowers of course because of our soon-to-be transition into Autumn and the redness of the leaves in the trees became more visible to that reality...I couldn't even imagine what this garden may look like in the summer, colourful supposedly like something out of 'Joseph and the Technicolor dream coat'!

The only artefact that stood out was the hot tub down the bottom of the garden, but even then the grass was kept short and luscious green and there were flowers around the tub so the wood around the base didn't seem so out of place on a closer inspection. A giggle took me out of the view and I looked to the right, my garden being on the left and mum and I were not in the house at all.

Creeping over to the wooden fence, I put my hands on the wood, minding not to get splinters and peered over...There a small distance away was a small picket fence garden, white as anything and a small girl was playing as she sat down on the grass...Her plaything being figurines of some kind but from here, I could not see them very well. Instantly, her eyes caught my own and she smiled bringing up her hand and waving to me...I returned the smile, enjoying the innocence splayed out on her face and the twinkling of her eyes which every young toddler or child possessed before experiencing the world and their own life for what it truly turns out to be and waved back.

There was something about children, younger children that amazed me...They found joy and happiness in absolutely everything and their minds were like sponges, absorbing every new thing that may come their way and resulting in new experiences becoming more of a learning curve than a good or bad outcome and realisation. I guess that was the difference between young people and adults, with age comes experience and with that experience comes strength and wisdom – I was looking on the bad things that have happened in my life but for a brief moment gazing on innocent eyes made me change all outlook and think that being older was not such a bad thing.

"How do you find it?" Esme's voice made me jump and I stumbled on my feet trying to turn around but my hands broke free from the wood and I turned to see her looking at me, fighting the smile at the corners of her mouth.

"Sorry, it's beautiful...Really..." I stuttered a little, desiring to hit myself for almost turning into a rambling idiot which everyone had a right to ignore.

"Thank you...That's Lily by the way..." her index finger pointed to the direction of the garden I had been looking into and all I could do was force a bashful smile.

"Oh, she giggled and I was curious..."

"That's alright, her parents are lovely people...I am surprised you have never had a chance to meet them...Do you like children?"

"Of course, I mean who doesn't?"

"Well...You'd be surprised at just how many individuals wish to live a life, alone..."

"That's their decision..."

"Yes, anyway if you want some premature advice...I would say never to settle down and have children until your life has been maxed out, in other words there has been opportunities for you to live some of what you want because children take up everything..."

"Thanks, I know..."

"Mum...Where's dad?" Emmett's voice boomed from the patio doors and Esme and I both turned at the same time to acknowledge him by our eyes.

"He's giving Renee a tour, where is your brother?"

"In the kitchen...Dad asked us to set the table and that is what we have done..."

"Come and speak to Bella and I will find Carlisle...Please excuse me, Bella?" I nodded at her turning to face me, sounding like she was asking my permission to go back into her own house...Inadquacy was a decent word to use right now, but it's not enough...My heart fell down to my feet as Emmett walked towards me, past his mother and shot me a strange smile. "Hello, Bella"

Now was the time to stand my ground, it was not only Edward that may have made this bet...He may be a prick, sometimes but he and his brother did join at the hip to target undeserving people of their bullying and victimisation and honestly, I didn't put it past Emmett's bit on the side to have a part in it, either. Call me a bitch I don't care, the Cullen brothers have done worse to people and of course, a _friend _of the Cullen brothers had also caused possible harm to a good friend of mine to top it all.

"Listen, I don't want to be spoken to out of force...I am not a fool, Emmett and if you and your younger brother really think that tonight is going to be plain sailing and that I, in return to please my mother may be forced to be civil. That is not the case, you played some part in this bet and seeing as it is all over and that Hale has diminished somewhat from going anywhere near me, again there is no duty for you to fill through conversation...Go somewhere else and find someone else to do that, with!"

Emmett looked shock and a small sense of pride washed over me, _good_...Perhaps someone needs to put these idiots in their places, why would I want to speak to anyone I didn't like out of my own choice so he shouldn't, either, him or his neanderthal of a brother to boot?

"Excuse _me_..." The time for me to get away from him was overdue and without waiting for a response, Emmett's agape mouth making speech impossible, anyway...I brushed past him and headed back into the house, the smell of the cooking swimming over to more areas of the house as it filled my nose. I hated to do it, but I needed to be alone and running out of here and back to my own comforting house isn't an issue...Taking all the strength left in my body and preparing myself mentally, I stepped into the kitchen to find Edward drinking from a glass...He turned to look and swallowed the liquid from his throat down and brought the glass away from his mouth.

"Where is your loo?" I asked him, not looking at him in the face, instead locking my eyes and vision on the top of his head, damn flawless skin tone staring back.

"Upstairs second door on the left.." he replied, I not wanting to stay a minute longer alone with him swung around and strode out of the kitchen and up the stairs, minding the weight I placed on each stair because of the strange creakiness that came from beneath.

I managed to get to the bathroom without being seen and I swung the door open and locked it shut the smell of both male and female shower gels swarming up my nose instead of the food from downstairs and taking a shaky breath, I leant against the sink basin lowering my head wishing that there could be a chance to smash my head against the tap without causing a scene...Come on, I am Bella Swan that is never going to be possible!

"Why does this happen to me?" I whispered to myself, needing to escape the silence...I took one hand away from the base of the sink and turned on the cold tap bringing my other hand underneath it to feel the cold water reach the pores of my skin...I cupped my hands and filled the small space with water before leaning down further and splashing my face – preventing any new rosiness from appearing at the embarrassment and humiliation I was feeling.

Why, oh why was this happening?

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Mate, its official...She's pissed!"

Emmett came into the kitchen looking like he had endured a good kick in the balls, Rosalie worked wonders to kick him into shape, I may not like the girl for reasons of my own but watching Emmett howl and hobble for days in pain was worth the entertainment value if nothing else. We're brothers and he'd laugh at me so, sometimes revenge is sweet.

"She has every right to be..." I had started to have some little hope in me that the two of us can work through this, of course my need to beg her forgiveness was a given and, I had already changed so what is a little begging if it means spending more time with her than what we had both been used to – but in reality, that was never going to happen...I could send a thousand apologies her way but if someone had done that to me, making quick to forgive them would be impossible, too.

What else can I say...I missed her?

I missed her against everything that I may have once said or thought about her at the beginning, my one famous line was that 'A bargepole would be more attractive than her' has become a trademark for replay to Emmett because, he may be thick but he remembers things that people never want said or out in the open again...But how did I know then that she would become a person who I'd prefer to spend my time with and breakaway from the self-absorbed idiots in my life for her?

Bella was intelligent, she'd know that any amount of apology may never be enough if it came from my mouth...I only wished there was something I could do...Show her how sorry I felt and how the remorse was tearing me apart one by one as the minutes went by.

Jasper Hale had taken a crack at me because he had got it into his large head that Bella and I were making some kind of pact against him, or that she had been swayed by me to pour milkshake all over him...How was I going to come up with something small like that? If persuasion from me had been successful on Bella then she'd at least be throwing a punch!

Anyway, my non-retaliation and my quick decision to not give Jasper the benefit of the doubt had saved me in the long run – to think I may have had to explain to my father that I was suspended or excluded completely for acting on violence to another student.

Bella was the reason I did not hit back, what good would that of done...She'd probably turn around and say that it takes a stronger person to walk away and even when I got hit once before the kick to the stomach, her face never left my mind. Jasper was pissed because of Bella but I, honestly was proud of her for standing up to him and believing my warning...I'd never admit to her that I felt a sense of pride at hearing what she had done to my former best friend but in secret, I definitely was.

A bruised eye was nothing to wonder what may be going on in her head, Emmett had stopped speaking probably washing away the shock at the fact that Bella must have also stood up to him, was it wrong to say 'I told you so' in your own head because I knew all along that Bella Swan was stronger than most girls her age? I have mentally attacked myself so a simple 'I told you so' is nothing compared to what I have been doing to myself since I told her about the bet.

I had finished the table and our parents had stepped into the kitchen laughing amongst themselves...The best way to make children feel inadequate is to waltz into the room laughing like caged birds in a zoo...The joke isn't there because the adults have it all in their minds and so, the way out is the next step.

"Ah boys, where is my Bella?" Renee said through fits of giggles, I forced myself not to raise an eyebrow at the fact that understanding her was a difficulty. Renee was nothing like Bella, but there are moments so tiny when she is the spitting image.

"Bathroom..." Em answered.

"Oh...Well, everyone sit down we shall have to wait for her to dish her plate..." Carlisle and Renee walked out of the room, we followed...The annoying thing about our house was that when my dad hadn't come back to the country we used the bar in the kitchen but when he made an appearance it was all fancy cutlery and swan-shaped napkins...Mum was quite the expert on culinary decoration along with interior decoration as well, how the woman became a beautician..I'll never know!

Emmett, Carlisle and Renee sat down and something stopped me from sitting down and instead, I turned around and went back to the kitchen, seeing mum take various pots and dishes off of the hob and out of the oven.

"Hello sweetie" she greeted me.

"Did you need any help, mum?" I asked her, watching her face turn from content to being slightly shocked and taken aback...Of course, help was not my forte but now she couldn't manage those dishes and put food on everyone's places all on her own.

"That'd be nice, thank you...Be careful of the food though, it's hot and you can get steam burns..." she warned me and I nodded taking the second pair of oven mitts and taking the glass bowl of carrots from the microwave and putting it on the side.

Footsteps on the stairs caused me to turn to the doorway of the kitchen and find Bella standing there, her eyes a little red and her face a little rosy on her cheeks...With a blush, she did look rather adorable! _Oh god did I just think that?_

"Esme?"

Bella avoided my eyes, as she had done before and was it wrong to be a little hurt to not have her chocolate eyes onto mine if only for one mere second...A second would suffice.

"Yes, love..." Esme answered wiping her forehead with the back of her hand and letting out a sigh, it had gotten unnaturally hot in the kitchen from the steam flying around the atmosphere.

"I have to go and check on Cosmo...Tell mum I'll be back..."

Something inside told me that Bella wasn't being truthful but because she respected my mum at least showed it in her behaviour to make an excuse that can be believed. "Okay, I will make up your plate and leave it in the microwave to keep it warm...Is that alright?"

"Yes, thank you"

I watched Bella as she climbed into her shoes and opened the front door, as it closed...Renee, my brother and father oblivious to what had happened – Esme turned to me. "Edward, as much as I appreciate the help...Can you tell me the truth about something?"

"What?"

"Has something happened between you and Bella?"

I couldn't answer her – the disappointment on her face came into my mind like the click of a camera and surged pain through my beating heart. "That look is all I need...Go after her, Edward and whatever you did sort it out...Never mind anyone else for the moment, we need to all be comfortable with each other and I want your father to have a nice night back here...Will you do that?"

"Mum – she won't want to talk to me, I agree with her to take that approach because I'd ignore me too..."

"No worries..." Mum walked to a small drawer, a drawer that was barely used I had forgotten what we kept in it...She pulled out something and fisted it in her hand and walked back to me. "You'll need this..." she revealed a key from her palm and I swallowed the dryness in her throat.

"Mum is that the best idea..."

"Yes, trust me if the two of you are alone and with nowhere else to go but there and here – there is no other option but to talk...Please, Edward...Show me the good in you?"

I nodded, determined to go and speak to Bella away from the embarrassment and away from the awkwardness...She may not want to hear me but I have to at least try and say how much I regret ever doing bad by her and that I _do _want to keep her in my life.

Here we go, Cullen!


	26. Annoying Truth

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Hey Buddy!"

Cosmo came to me as I stepped into the living room, I picked him up the minute his body brushed against the bottom of my jeans needing to have some kind of contact that didn't involve someone in my life that cause suspicion about how I was feeling and needing some contact against my personality in general.

God knows what came over me as I hugged my warm, beautiful puppy against my chest and snuggled my head into his neck – tears came and I found it hard to fight them back into my body...Why was I crying? Was it seeing Edward again and the pleading in his eyes to me that no one but me can ever hope to witness...Why did the plea make me feel so bad about my choice of ignoring him? Why should I feel bad for what _he _had willingly chosen to do and take away everything that we have both gone through together to win some money – no sane person with true morals can do that to a person...My dad was right about morals and how everyone has them but the main difference in the world being, acting on them or not is a voluntary choice and of course, no one can control other people because the world could be too perfect that way!

Mum was at home with Esme and Carlisle and why should she not be? Having a couple near to her age and taking the time out to see how she is everyday and feel genuinely happy to hear their voices...I mean, is that not a possibility with people in _my _generation..Has the young race these days forced to purely be subjected to scrutiny and ridicule everywhere they go?

Or...Maybe, it was just me...Being new to the village around me, I may have let my guard slip and so allowed my being to be a target for victimisation because if my dad were still alive, I'd be harder and much more wary about meeting new people because how do you know if they can be trusted or not? Can there be any trust outside of your own family at all?

Cosmo snored soundly in my arms and, unwilling to take him away from the safety of my hold, I sat down on one of the sofas as gently as I could so as not to make any jerky or sudden movements to startle him, because like people Cossy didn't like to be woken up and right now there could be no blame placed on his small shoulders.

Sniffing in the silence, I brought my head away from his neck and leant back to rest my head on the top cushion and close my eyes...The silence in the house was more endearing to me now that I had the time to appreciate being alone. Emmett has a foul-mouth and so what if he tells his stupid friends that I went off on one, at least then some others may have the opportunity to look at me in a different light. Perhaps geeks can stand up for themselves, as well as having a brain which undoubtedly is a surprise, too.

The front door closed and I gasped, Cosmo stirred and lifted his head, his eyes so very wide as to who may have intruded on our little moment, that and come into his own territory of our house because Cosmo may be just a puppy but he knows that this house is HIS place and woe betide any other animals to waltz in on his happy place and make things awkward for all of us at the bad reaction he will endure on the stranger.

Edward appeared in the doorway, his hands buried in his pocket and frankly, he was constipated or he was harbouring a look of sheer embarrassment on his face, the tight jaw clenched to enhance the prominent cheekbones from the confines of his cheeks...What the hell was he doing here? With a KEY, no less?

"What the h-"I scrambled off the sofa and released Cosmo as he struggled violently to escape my warm embrace and landing impressively on his two feet leapt over to Edward and smelled the bottom of his trousers – none of us humans saying anything to one another as my puppy made the ultimate judgement on our guest...This was an everyday occurrence for him and at least with Seth he was happy.

I studied Cosmo one reason being that I did not want to look into Edward's eyes, instead take one of my mum's china teapots and throw it straight at his head and secondly, I was genuinely interested in what our dog may think of him.

Suddenly, Cosmo barked and hoisted his small body on his hind-legs his front paws touching Cullen's shins; his tail wagging enthusiastically..._Wow, my dog is an idiot! At first he seemed spot-on with his judgements but liking Cullen, that is bad!_

Edward actually smiled at Cossy's response and bent down holding out his hands and clasping a barking Cosmo's sides and lifting him up into his arms...I almost gagged when my puppy licked Edward's face in greeting. Sometimes, even pets can't be trusted.

"What do you want?" I asked Edward then, needing to escape my mind from the anger at my dog and at the same time, not trying to sound polite in the tone of my voice, he had made his way in here with a key that he must have obtained only from my mother as there was no other people who had a copy of the key to our front door except me and her..._He better have a good explanation or he is straight back out that door again! _

"My mum told me to come and see you..."

_If your mum told you to jump off a bridge into shark-infested water, would you do it? Hell no Edward Cullen wouldn't...When has he ever listened to Esme about anything, if he had then chances are he may not have turned out so badly?_

"Right...What does she want?" I asked him, if he was going to make up a bad lie about being here and inadvertently blame his own mother for entering my house without permission then I may as well play the game, too. It's been a while since I played a game and Edward had played games with me ever since we met...Surely my turn is overdue!

"Bella, listen...I really want to talk to you..." _yes matey and I want a million pounds but hey, look at that...I've got nothing!_

"What do you want to say...That you're sorry, that perhaps in your mind there is a chance for me to throw everything to one side and find a way to forgive you?"

"Bella-"

"Edward, I have nothing to say to you...Nothing...I have been thrown into so many changes living here in my life than ever before and, all of THIS...This is too hard...Also a lie. Can you comprehend what this may feel like, maybe even a little bit...Having a possible friendship with someone who may as well come from a different world to yours altogether and then having it thrown back in your face, again?"

"No"

"Excuse me?"

"No...I cannot comprehend the same feeling, I have no knowledge of what hurt I have caused you and that makes me an even bigger arsehole for treating you like I have...I had no right to do that..."

"So...What you're going to play the martyr – Edward Cullen finally admits to mistakes and the whole world can throw a parade in your honour or something...Life doesn't work that way, hurting someone has to be one of the worst forms of behaviour...Pure spite and hatred for others around you...Or is it down to your friends?"

"Friends?"

"Your friends, the posse that stick by your body every day like a lingering odour, was this all their idea – the Cullen brothers had a task to fill and HEY...They have a new neighbour...Fantastic...Fresh meat to target..."

"It wasn't like that..."

"Really what was it like, you had a get-together out of school hours with a pot of tea and because of boredom the spur of the moment to have sex with the girl next door seemed plausible..."

"It was about sex at the beginning, why should I lie anymore now..."

"Sex is power to people like you isn't it, somehow having someone underneath you makes a bigger man...A powerful soul that can carry on living life with having absolutely everything they want and remaining to bask in their own self to care about other's suffering?"

"I love sex..." Edward finished on a rather embarrassing note and gently put Cosmo back down ignoring the protests and sounds coming from him and locking his eyes with mine, again...One thing about Edward Cullen I was certain as his eyes burned intently into my own...He was meaning every word, now...Call it instinct. "I love it too much to care about what the act may be like to a woman – instead, as you rightly said thinking only of me..."

"Tanya Denali...Does she mind that she is used as your personal scrubber?"

"Do you even care about her to wonder what that answer is?"

"That doesn't even make sense..."

"Tanya has been treated badly, by me and I know that now...It seems that since meeting you I have changed entirely and now am thinking more about others..."

"Because of me?"

"Fine, Bella...Here it is. The time we spent together, as much as the situations weren't the best...I miss them, spending time with you was like opening a new door to me that never had a chance to be opened before. I have always said that you were different and Jesus Bella you are...You could not be more interesting than other girls like Tanya or Rosalie and seeing that, experiencing the girl behind the chocolate hair and the expressional eyes led me to believe that being your friend was the best feeling I have had in a long, long time..."

"Edward don't sing my praises..."

"This is not just about saying how great you are, Bella...It's so much more than that...At the beginning, we were neighbours and the only greatest loves of my life were alcohol and parties...Emmett introduced me to the world of the 'posse' and, in desperate need for others to see me as someone who _doesn't _play piano and write compositions for the people he cares for OR as a closet reader and book worm whose vocabulary can stretch further than theirs ever can...I became one of them, through making sex my trademark and forcing myself to be untouchable..."

"What good was that going to do, _untouchable_...School doesn't last, once it's finished everyone goes different ways and become majority-wise entirely different people, altogether – there is no such thing as being 'untouchable'?"

"Maybe not, but there _is _such thing as being a legend and before you moved in, that is all I wanted to be..."

"A legend...To people who do not care one bit about the real you...Why the fuck did you ever believe that was a possibility, imagine what your parents might think..."

"My parents don't know and it was always better to keep it that way..."

"Because you know how upset they'd be?"

"Yes...I have always known that my change in behaviour was never going to be something to be proud of..."

"Edward I can't deal with this, anymore..." I walked towards him and was about to pass him when he touched my arm gently but it was enough to stop me in my attempts to get away from the room and the change in atmosphere. "Please?" Fresh tears prickling at his eyes made me think twice in a second about leaving him...Seeing him on the verge of breaking down completely and all because he wanted to talk to _me_. Something wasn't right here.

"Tell me!" I demanded, clenching my teeth with annoyance at his constant desire to speak when he really wasn't making any sense.

"I can't change my behaviour, my own choice to live...It kills me inside now that my own parents don't even know me, their opinion didn't mean shit for years because idiot to the core, I decided my own life was mine to live and the time for independence and own choice had to start early...But I made the wrong ones, all to get a different image..." Edward blinked to release the tears from their haven and stepped away from me and walked a small way to my living room window, the evening light shining on his face as he gazed out onto the emptiness of the road we lived in contemplating somewhat about what he might say next, the shimmer of moonlight hit his tears which stayed on his cheeks, my hands went into my pockets because of the temptation to still throw something against the wall at the anger of him explaining himself, how did he think this was going to help? Make me change my view of him because on the one chance he poured his heart out?

"When I was a kid, Emmett and I...We were as close as anything, Em if you can believe it collected Pokémon cards and read car magazines because he wanted to be a mechanic one day and do up an old vintage car of his own...He got into the wrong crowd and dad, he tried to make him see sense before he went to work aboard but puberty got the better of him and, mum kind of let him grow up the way he did with the people he began to hang around with in the hope that on the miracle front her first-born son would see sense and become something different because that kind of life and behaviour wasn't going to be appealing anymore...Never happened..."

Edward lifted his hand and ran it through his hair blinking and releasing more tears down his face "I, was a different story. Emmett had mocked me for years for being someone that he wasn't and hanging around with individuals of my own choice and soon enough, the piss-taking along with the scoffs of amazement that I was never going to be a member of his crowd became too much and then, one day...Emmett introduced me to his crowd at the time and there was something nice about walking the corridors and strangers saying hello to you – being looked on and visualised as some kind of royal family and, it felt so great. Then, I never looked back. Bella you have every right to hate me and call me every name under the sun but...I have gone through the worst pain in my life whenever my mum looks at me nowadays and mentions your name or your mothers' her eyes light up again, the same way they had done whenever I played her the lullaby I wrote for her...The length of time that has gone where those eyes have made an appearance is disgusting..."

This wasn't Edward Cullen talking, this was someone else entirely, away from the popular posse and in the house of the person he had wrongly hurt by his actions – a vulnerable and unknowledgeable person in the area of feelings and heart-felt wording...A person who, may not make sense but at the moment seemed slightly remorseful about what he had chosen to do and how it may have affected people that he had once cared about...Was it wrong to believe that this was him being honest because I thought he was honest when he wasn't...Was I the best judge of change in a person? That person being Edward Cullen?

"How am I supposed to know that you're telling the truth?" I asked him, keeping my voice steady by clenching my stomach hard...He turned slowly and his eyes were on mine once more.

"Why haven't you told my parents what I am, Bella?"

"What?"

"They both have such a respect for you...After my behaviour, there was every chance that you may go to them and show what kind of people their sons have become..."

"Is that who you think I am?"

"Not at all...But, the chance was there..."

"Why would I get involved, strangely enough I have respect for your parents as well, but what you do or chose or however way your life is lived has nothing to do with me so why waste my time telling your parents about her sons when their sons should have the courtesy and tell all themselves?"

"So, it wasn't because of me?"

"No, Edward it wasn't..."

"I will tell them..."

"That's your choice..."

"What else can I do to make you believe that I am being honest this time around?"

"There is nothing..."

"Come on, Bella...Anything...Anything there can be done I will do it!"

"Begging doesn't become you, Edward..."

"Perhaps not, but I am not the same Edward anymore...Anyone can say that but right now, all I want is to have you as a friend again and whatever it means to take to prove that to you then I'll do it..."

"You can start by telling your mother what you have done to me, Emmett doesn't have to because he is not the person who has helped me...You can tell me something, though..."

"What?"

"The warming me up from the cold...The rescue of Tor and the telling me about what Jasper Hale was planning to do in secret...Was that all a front?"

"You mean an act?"

"Yeah"

"No" I was taken aback by Edward's answer and how easy it was for him to say and also how fast the answer had come out of his mouth.

"No?"

"None of that was a lie...I wanted to protect you and try as best I could to keep you away from the people in my crowd that are now no longer my friends or have anything to do with me...I broke away from them when I hurt you, Bella and it doesn't matter how many times I may have to say it...I am so sorry...I am sorry for thinking things about you that were untrue at the start for agreeing to do it and dragging through the pretence without coming clean about it sooner..."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I enjoyed being with you so much...Everything was interesting – life was worth living and seeing the new experiences that it can bring to me. Nothing was the same, the old life was meaningless because of the thoughts that circulate in your mind and the approach you have for things...It's endearing and I still find you so interesting, Bella but I have ruined the chance of finding out more about you..."

"You can say all these things, Edward but they can never be true...Not to me..."

"Well you obviously don't see yourself very clearly..."

"So not everything was a lie?"

"No not at all, I wanted to take you away from the people I hung around with because they did not see you for who you are and they never will..."

"This isn't over..."

"No..."

"We can go slowly, but your parents have to know how you feel and if respect from them is a wish of yours then, honesty is the best option..."

"I know, I will...Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I just want to say thanks...For hearing me out, but also for teaching me things about myself that I needed to know in order to change..."

"No problem...Come on, we better get back to your house..."

I turned and walked out with Edward close behind me...What could I say the conversation was quick but nothing was over at the moment...I was still unsure about his determination to want change and also to forget about what might have happened.

It was something and, something is better than nothing at all...I hadn't said all that I had wanted to say but...

There will be another chance one day...If Edward keeps his word to tell his parents, everything because being such a kind and generous couple, they both deserve to know the truth.


	27. Humiliating Comments

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"There you are!"

Mum's facial expression as I stepped back into the house of the Cullen's after Edward was a toss between all the heavens opening at once and the gradual plummet to hell, beneath...I was unable to tell whether she was annoyed at my sudden abruptness of leaving the atmosphere of this house or just ignoring that and radiating pride that I had made a return.

"Hi, mum..." I replied, a little lamely unable to know what to say because the questions may as well be thrown above her head in huge banners because she was clearly itching to find out where I had been and why my promise of staying for dinner for a continuous period had been broken.

"Where have you been?" This is where Esme's informing my mother that I had gone and checked on our puppy would have been incredibly useful but, the woman just reunited with her husband for lord knows how long so...This I shall let slip...For now, anyway because the poor woman did not know her family as she thought she did and the not knowing was always the hardest reality to swallow – living in pretence and never catching-on that it was indeed, pretense. Esme was not a woman of appearances, she laid out everything on the table but then had amazing secrets like her love for interior and landscape design inside to please new people – it pleased me, and as much as admitting this is difficult – pleasing me is not an easy thing to do...Some individuals are content and happy with the little things in life and I was no complete stranger to that kind of behaviour but, finding out the hidden layers of a person who had come into my life as a newbie is a curiosity whether their true colours end up being dark or not.

"Sorry, I was checking on Cosmo..."

"Oh Bella, what did I say to you...Cossie is fine by himself for a couple of hours..." Judging by the slight tinge of wine on my mum's breath, the feeling that the two hours of time she referred to in the beginning before consuming the wine has gone and instead, replaced with a ballpark guess of her making this an all-nighter...The woman had already got speaking with Carlisle and had found yet another person to latch on to, why should I then discriminate her for making new friends?

Why is it that older people, not like grey and wrinkly old but middle aged and around the thirties age gap have so much more closer friendships than the younger generation do, looking at Esme, Carlisle and my mother even based on appearances and never knowing anything about them was enough to indicate that they will be friends for a long time by how they smile and interact with one another? It seems as if the older we get the chances we have of making true friendships soars because of the life experience we have led to get us to that point...I wish there were other people like Seth and Tor in the world...Seth was a difficult one because what if he goes to Austrailia because his dad gets promoted? What if I, finally finding a friend of the male gender who is utterly genuine and has a sparkle embedded in his eyes whenever I speak to him, giving me the confidence as a result to keep talking and not shut myself out entirely because of the boredom evident in his face goes away?

Seth may have bigger feelings for me than I possess for him, but I have got to the point where...Now, standing in front of my tipsy mother I want to be where he is...Just to have a giggle and a good conversation that to outsiders may mean absolutely nothing and be entirely ridiculous but to the two of us, it means something. Something that can only really be described as a bond, friends have different conversations with one another...Tor and I are more inclined to talk about school and because we are females there are occasions where feelings and emotions do make their way into the mix but, with Seth...It can be about anything, how a dog in the street can have three legs or...How books can lead us to believe stupid realities from a young age. I hope that he will not leave and, fair enough he is leaving Sixth this year because being in Emmett's year his A-Level studies are coming to an end, but at least he still lives close to me and there will be opportunities to make contact and hang out when he leaves because, I may still be studying but there is such things as half-terms and holidays.

"Yeah, I wanted to make sure..." I was thinking too much to realise what kind of reply my mum wanted but, as soon as I finished speaking she grabbed my hand and led me back into the dining room.

"Here she is!" Everyone was there, Emmett who unfortunately had dinner of various colours down the once bone white napkin stuffed into the collar of his shirt...Carlisle who held up a new glass of juice as his eyes met mine with a wide smile and Esme who flashed me a welcoming beam...Her sparkling white teeth clouding my vision for a mere moment. "Now, you sit here!" Mum stumbled as she pulled out the chair and the opposite end of the table...I was made other head of the table in a house and with a family I barely new and mum plopped down next to Edward who was busy eating enough food to prevent speech his eyes down at the table.

"Here you go, dear...So...Tell us...How are things going with Seth Clearwater?" After she had handed the drink to me, I had taken a sip unknowing that she was going to add such an awful question..At the sound of my best friends name, I choked a little on my drink and put the glass down...All eyes were on me, Edward's eyes were pained, Emmett's were confused, Carlisle and Esme each had their own look of curiosity as to what my answer would be and mum, of course was fighting back the drunken laughter..._I should have known that her and Esme would have a blabbing session!_

Swallowing the small amount of drink properly down my throat and taking a deep breath so that no one could hear...I opened my mouth to speak..."Esme, as much as I like the fact that you're curious...I don't think mum has told you that I personally have informed her that there will never be anything else besides friendship between Seth and I...He is honest and a lot of fun to be with and that is all..." _Maybe you should take a look at your sons, here and wish for them to follow Seth's example – chances are, if they were more likeable I'd hang around with them, more!_

"Oh honey, there is no need to be coy...Tell us!" Mum slurred somewhat taking another gulp of wine..._When did the concept of dinner become a bare-faced cheek from strangers to find out information that did not concern anyone but me. Mum had no right to do this, she was always worse with a drink inside of her and honestly as much as I respected Esme, her obliviousness to her own sons did not make her a good candidate to comment on anyone else's!_

"I think you have had enough, mum" I shot back, not caring if I came across a little rude, she had started this and now she has to live with some angry comments and replies because this wasn't fair. Having my confrontation with Edward had been bad enough that now, my personal life had become a gossip topic from his mother! Can things get any worse?

"Seth is a good guy, Bella..A really good football player..." Emmett said, his mouth surprisingly empty for a mere moment in time, the boy could eat a horse and never come up once for air – he was purely an animal and I still didn't have an idea about just how much of his body was fat and which parts were muscle..._I know what he would call a muscle anyway!_

"Yeah..." I replied to him, trying to fight the anger in the very pit of my stomach...I resorted to picking up my fork and stuffing as much food in my mouth as possible to take people away from the topic at hand – with some individuals silence works to get a hint made but, this was my mother and Esme after a couple or a few glasses of wine..Anything could happen.

"He's in your year isn't he, Emmett...I remember Sue Clearwater, lovely woman but she tends to be somewhat of an introvert...There were times admittedly when she wouldn't come out of the house at all besides going to her work and back for the day...The same with her son..." _At least Sue's son didn't make a bet to bed someone, or use sex as a weapon for power or have women around him that constantly need to have their own 'needs' met. Don't get me started on how Emmett is, the roundness of his tummy was evidence of too much beer and food for starts!_

"He seems like a great catch for Bella, kind, sincere...I always thought that she and Edward would end up together..." If I choked on the mention of Seth, I was now on the verge of dying with embarrassment with nothing in my mouth, food or drink-wise that could be the reason for the heat in my cheeks...My eyes shot down to the plate in front of me and the only desire in me, then rather than hit my mother for making the comment was to die somewhere alone in a large cave in the damp and dark with no one to ever look or try to find me, again.

"Oh well wouldn't that be lovely-"

"Darling, I think it's best for all involved if we just ate..." Carlisle stopped his wife's attempt at planning my second back-up wedding in case Seth left me at the altar who I was the one who made a run for it and nipped it in the bud too late on the actual day of making a commitment...He must have been observant, Esme had hidden talents for secretive human behaviour because every time I see her, she has that 'look' in her eyes that makes me think she is making a judge about my behaviour that particular day...Thank God for Edward's father because the drowning silence showered all of us at the table like a blazing fire – although in this reality there was nowhere to run.

"Mum, can I speak with you for a moment?" I heard Edward's voice but I couldn't find anything in my energy level or for my own good to look up and acknowledged that he had spoken...Instead, shovelling down the rest of my food – indejestion was the least of my worries at this present moment in time!

"We're eating..."

"No...Now, please?" He seemed firm, determined and one can only venture a guess that he was going to talk with her about me...Just what I need, instead of having people say what they think to my face the curiosity of what they had said behind my back was going to be the next issue at hand...I was waiting for the moment for them both to go and as Esme's sigh rang through my ears, relief washed over me – my mum needed to be told a few things...Tipsy or not there was no way I'd ever embarrass her or make her feel inadequate intentionally like she had done at this table. Bearing also in mind that we had only just started eating...Fortunately I did have enough appetite to scoff all of the contents of my plate down as easily as 123.

Edward and Esme left the room, my eyes had not looked up from the tablecloth beneath me but the deteriorating gradual noise of their footsteps on the wooden floor under us came as a much needed salvation...Emmett and Carlisle were still here, but nothing was going to stop me, now.

"Mum...What do you think you're doing?" I shot my eyes up, at the two empty chairs at the table my blush swam away from my skin and now, there was only mum giggling about absolutely nothing – maybe a thought about how grass is green inside her head had tickled her...She thought and said such silly things when she had consumed alcohol and the rest of the individuals with her just had to take what comes out of her mouth with a pinch of salt.

"What is it, poppet?" _Ugh can she be anymore drunk right now, this was not 'tipsy' territory anymore this was a one-way ticket to a serious hangover!_

"Don't speak about Seth when he isn't here..." My voice was intentionally hushed...Why was I going to give Carlisle and Emmett the opportunity to listen in on what was going to be a private discussion, I may have taken the better option and taken mum to one side but chances are she wasn't going to be leaving that seat except for when there was mention of 'bed'.

"Why not, baby...He is a great...Guy..." Honest to God she was slurring now..."He deserves you!"

"There is _nothing, _I repeat _nothing _going on between Seth and I and to let it be known to our neighbours is incredibly embarrassing for me..."

"There's no need to be embarrassed, if anything you should brush it off if there is no truth in it...Seth looks at you the way your father used to look at me...I was young once, Bella..." _back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and alcohol was not so easy to get a hold of!_

"Please stop spouting my personal life around...It is my business and no one else's...I would never embarrass you like this so don't do it to me..."

"Oh so _now _you want to be grown-up...Bella you cannot tell me what to do, I am your mother!"

"Right now the only place you will be going is the street because your body won't make it to the house..."

"I can drink and _do _whatever I like...I am an adult!"

"So am I!"

"You're seventeen, Bella...What do you know about life?" This was the usual attitude, mum was not mum anymore instead showing signals of bitterness and resentment to every day life and believe me, nothing is more annoying because the conversation always turns to dad and the need for tissues.

"I know enough to not like this atmosphere, my life is mine to lead and talking about Edward when he is right here is not fair either, mum..."

"Oh tush...Everyone has seen it...Even Emmett over there must have seen it, he is just too good not to say it out loud..." Mum shot a wink..._Shot a wink_...At Emmett who looked like just how I felt – embarrassed and tense.

"Stop it!"

"Why don't you stop it, why are you moaning you didn't want to come here in the first place!"

That remark was too far, it was true but saying it with the two members of the house really tipped me over, instead of answering her...I rose from my seat throwing down the napkin from my lap and looked Carlisle's way. "I am sorry about her, please excuse me?" Tears were about to make their cameo appearance and away from prying eyes was my desire to release them...I hated mum when she was like this and she hasn't been a stranger to hitting the bottle...Her liver intake had expanded a lot since my dad died and now she is still the lightweight she has ever been but can hold a bit more before her nose hits the floor.

Carlisle nodded once in understanding and I took that as my signal to get the hell out of there...I wasted no time in turning, my mind swirling and swirling about different things hastily making my way down the corridor and to the front door.

"What do you mean...What are you talking about, Edward...How can you do that to someone like her!"

It's official, they were talking about me and not wanting to eavesdrop or hear the upset in Esme's voice any longer...I stepped out of the front door and closed it behind me, sighing deeply into the night air...There was only one place where I'd be welcomed and the atmosphere much sought after than this house's.

Never once looking back, knowing that Carlisle and Esme were going to make sure my mum walked the mere five steps home...I walked further down our road before turning the corner and walking out of it completely.

Seth had never told me where he lived, but it was not going to be hard to find because football was over – Emmett not making an appearance at all because he was at home and Seth's car was going to be outside his house.

I just hoped that he actually was in...And of course whether he will forgive me for missing his game.

~~**~Edward~**~~

Watching Bella endure hers and my mother's remarks about the status of her relationship with Seth if there ever was one besides friendship was torture...What the hell can I do, the mere thought of her being with Clearwater beyond friendship annoyed me because of the company he kept with my elder brother and, how is Emmett to know whether Seth's intentions are genuine?

After seeing Bella go tomato red after my mum shouted out that her wish was to see her and I together was enough to make me want to tell her about everything that had happened to our innocent and special next door neighbour and the things that had been forced upon her were at my own hands...Hell to Emmett, if he wasn't going to be truthful one then I may as well be. Mum wasn't going to be proud of me and the cold shoulder was inevitable but, watching how hurt Bella was and how much she wanted me to be honest with my parents made me want to fill out her wish and, if it was a way to have her back in my life, little or small amount was worth so much more than the life I have been living and leading others to wish they had.

My life was no life to recommend or to place on others, because others can be worth so much more than me and my selfishness and need for superior authority and to take away the image of a secret book lover and a struggling piano composer permanently for the remainder of my school life.

Bella couldn't look up from the table and in truth, how was I to blame her?

I did wish that mum hadn't mentioned the last part because, Bella and me...That was impossible...The two of us couldn't even be friends without my own choices fucking everything up – I had turned into the very son and individual my parents had worked so very hard to avoid in both mine and Emmett's childhoods and, the reality of admitting that to my mum who may have desired to retain one ounce of pride if only to enhance her greatness as a mother will be taken away by the click of two fingers. The saddest fact was that mum and dad were great parents to Emmett and I, we never went once without anything we didn't want and they both scrimped and saved at the beginning with two very young sons before dad got promoted into the position he has, today. The promotion was proof that all their years of struggling and going without had all been worth it, but of course at the price of dad never being home enough like he used to be and that was hard. In the past there have been moments where I have hated him for not being here with us, living under the same roof and detesting the promotion because they took him away and that has been my underlining excuse to behave badly but that excuse could not happen anymore because of my act to Bella and how much hurt I had caused her. It finally took someone I had grown to care about as a potential friend to be hurt so much from being dragged through the mud under my own actions to make me realise it and, if I didn't hate myself already I wish everyone else who knew me to hate me as well.

"What is it, darling we are in the middle of a dinner!" Mum had been at the alcohol, her voice usually went up about a semi-tone when there had been alcohol floating around her system, but she was not so bladdered that I needed to speak slower to make her understand me.

"Mum, honestly that last comment was not necessary..."

"Ooh someone's a little worried that Bella's mum may find out how much feeling there is for her daughter on your side?" She pinched my cheeks together and spoke in a baby-like voice..._Definately got booze contaminating her liver!_

"There is no feeling, mum...You're not so observant when you're drunk..."

"Yes well this has been really lovely, Edward but I really must..."

"No...What I have to say...It is about Bella" grabbing her by the arm to stop her walking out the door was the beginning of the plunge...This was for Bella and no one else, if I were to be the same person before her window was in prime sight to my own then this conversation should never happen but, as things have turned this was necessary.

_Okay sweet Bella...This is for you!_

"What is it?" Mum exclaimed, rolling her eyes...Our conversations were once upon a blue moon a force of habit and she was usually the person I went to whenever there were things on my mind...But, they deteriorated and disappeared when my closeness with her vanished because of my fear of getting caught to be a mother's son. _What an arsehole I have been!_

"Bella and I, we both know each other more than you think we do...And...I am not the son that you think I am..." God this was going to be the hardest thing ever for me to do but, for Bella...I will do it.

"I don't understand..."

"I made a bet with Emmett when Renee and Bella moved in next door that we could seduce her..." Watching mum's face drop sent butterflies and panic through my whole body but we were not touching, the shame hanging over us both when this was finished perished all hope for contact.

In haste and feeling a little nauseas along with terrified...I continued. "The people that I hang around with...Well, _did_ hang around with...They like to, pick on new people and...The price was near to a grand maybe more than that and so...When Emmett said the next day that he did not want to be a part of it, anymore...I carried on..."

"Edward..."

"Emmett has nothing to do with this..." that wasn't a complete lie, he did back-out but he had been the one with the idea in the first place but what good was snitching going to do? I have never once accepted responsibility for hurting people – plausibly more people than just Bella Swan...This was for me and the blame should be put onto me for ever allowing it to go on for so long and letting Hale be a part of it...Never will Jasper do anything to Bella, it was bad enough knowing that Seth's intentions may not have been so honest as he was so far making them out to be without having Hale involved too. "All the blame needs to be put onto me, I hurt Bella...I told her about it a few days ago and, we are slowly going back to civil terms but never will it justify what I did to her..."

"Edward...What do you mean...What are you talking about, how could you do that to someone like her?" Mum was angry as she had every right in the world to be.

"I did it for power and immortality as a school legend..."

"Wha-"

"I wanted people to know my name, mum...I wanted people to wake up and come to school to see me in the morning and to have a crowd of people around me at every opportune moment...No one in their right mind was going to accosiate themselves with a piano player who never drinks and only goes out to Jazz clubs and open-mic nights...That kind of person gets bullied, mum!"

"So that is why you changed..."

"My change was by choice..."

"Oh no this wasn't just you...This was your brother as well...What have you done, Edward...I thought I raised you to have respect for women..."

"I didn't, mum...I didn't have anyone's thoughts or feelings cross my mind instead only basking in my own, selfishness got me here, mum and nothing else. As parents you could not have raised me any better and do not be led to think that this is a reflection on your paternal roles because it isn't..."

"I can't believe this..."

"I have done so many bad things and now, I am beginning to see the consequences of them...I am sorry, I am sorry for letting you down mum and not being the son you wanted..."

"Do you think I care about having a perfect son...No one is perfect Edward Anthony but THIS, this makes me feel physically sick..."

"I know, you have every right to give me punishment..."

"Not now, Edward I do not have time...Go to your room and stay there, I must return to the party..."

I watched mum go, her eyes away from me...The coldness and distant choice radiating off of her, the tears prickled at my eyes...I hadn't realised how much I have missed my mum up until now, not to mention Bella's mum in the other room along with her daughter continuing to neck down bottles of wine at my parents' expense.

There was nothing left to do but for the first time in what felt like forever listen to my mum.

Slowly, I walked up the stairs and into the safety of my own room...Where, with only the four walls and ceiling to witness it...Released all my tears onto my pillows.

I have been an awful person...Now was the time to accept defeat and find a way to make people proud of me, again.

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Hello?"

An older woman, which must have been Seth's mum answered the door and suddenly, I wished that we had met before. "Hi..Is Seth in?"

"Who shall I say is here?" It wasn't hard to forsee her studying me up and down, much like the same way my own mother would have done but perhaps a little less publically and more discreetly than Mrs Clearwater.

"Bella Swan..."

"One moment..." she left me on the doorstep, what kind of person doesn't invite people in? I was a stranger so the outside may as well be my home from now on, there is no chance in hell I could be able to go back to Cullen's and there was toss between the silence of my own home and the chance vent of feelings to my best friend...I knew which was better.

"Bella..." Seth appeared, his hair wet and a towel around his shoulders, thankfully he was fully dressed...I couldn't help the filling of my eyes when I saw him.

"I'm s...Sorry I missed your game" I choked out, keeping the back of one of my hands against my mouth to stop from wailing then and there at his front door.

"Oh, Bella what is it...What's happened?" Seth edged towards me and placed his hands on my cheeks, brushing away the fallen tears with his thumbs his kind eyes resting on my puffy and tired ones.

"Sorry..."

"Ssh.." The sudden warmth of his arms wrapping around me was so comfortable and so heart-felt that in return, I sunk my head into his chest bringing my hands up to his chest as well and taking the time, with Seth protecting me from the world around us and letting me into our own little bubble – I let everything go, I cried for what I had and what I didn't and how much it felt like home being in my best friend's arms.

Life was never going to be the same, at least not now!


	28. Painful Revisits

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Cullen did this didn't he?"

The scorn was evident in Seth's question even if he was trying to hide it through the care that was also enhancing off of him.

I felt so incredibly numb and my current position gave outsiders a sign of how drained my system was in the silence of the room...The lack of energy constricted any plans to move from the sofa and Seth was fighting a battle inside his head as much I was whenever he wasn't asking me some questions I still could not bring myself to answer.

"Seth, please..." I had spent a good half an hour wondering about how to actually say that none of this was Edward's fault...He had only gone and told his mum what I had wanted him to say, this was my problem because there was a large part of my soul that did not want him to tell his parents anything about what had happened between us because of the risk of my own mother finding out – what was she going to say? Could her close friendship with Esme deteriorate because of the unjustifiable behaviour of her son on mum's only daughter? Weird wording but that is definitely what my mum would say when she went off on one of her moralistic lectures.

"I just can't believe he can get away with something like this, that is such a typical 'Cullen' thing...All the teachers back down to them because they both make great grades and the self-absorbed individuals who are supposed to be our mentors keep them going at school because, they get to keep their great grade average for the swines that run the school in the first place!"

Seth was angrier than me at this point, all I felt was numbness – my body lifeless and no hope of energy clouding once over my posture on the sofa. I couldn't get out of my head the fact that Edward had kept his word...Why would he have listened to me, if he wasn't being honest with me for what was the first time since we met as neighbours and students in the same sixth-form? Was this truth or will there be a snag that at the moment, I may be blind to but will come back and bite me on the arse later on?

"Sorry, B...Tell me what you're thinking the silence is killing me!" I wished for noise, Seth's house was like a desolated prison even though his mum was here, somewhere she hadn't seen me since finding me on the doorstep – was she mad at me for making such an abrupt entrance, has Seth even told her about me at all?

"Is your mum, alright?" Yes, I went with the silly question – but the question that did not stir up any intentions from my own head to find out what it is I may have done wrong to the woman I had only just met today...Seth sighed and ran his hands through my curls on the sofa cushion...They were that long in length and there was no time to find out where the nearest hairdressers was in terms of a public salon and honestly, I had no time to think about anything but what had happened this evening.

"Yes, she isn't really a people-person..."

"I am sorry if I startled her, does she know about me?"

"No...I don't tell her much about my school life, without my father there doesn't seem to ever be much life inhibited in her but of course...Him being away for so long, I get used to it..."

"I wish my mum would be normal all the time..."

"What do you mean?"

"Whenever she has a drink, there's this bitterness and change in her, like a remote no outsider can ever determine when it might happen and woe betide anyone who lands in the crossfire..."

"So this, coming here...Was not just about Cullen?" In my zombie-like state, I realised that I hadn't informed Seth about anything that had led me to his front door, after admitting to him the reality that Edward had gotten to know me because of a bet like any natural being brainwashed and coloured to believe that the guy I lived next door to was a bad person...Seth came all guns-ablaze to a conclusion that everything was Edward's fault.

"I was at dinner with them..."

"Who?"

"The Cullens..."

"What...I thought you hated them?"

"No, Seth...Please just hear me out. My mum is best friends with Esme Cullen and, like any good 'friend' she accepts an invitation to the Cullen's house but she doesn't know anything about what has gone down between the two sons of her best friend and me..."

"Why didn't you tell her?"

"I had a reason, Esme has been great to mum and...Right now, she needs a friend because she is still suffering from losing my father...So, like any good daughter I made the choice of acting civil because Carlisle – the head of the Cullen's was home from his work aboard..."

"So?"

"So...It didn't work out, I couldn't take the pressure of seeing Edward again and like I always seem to do when things get a little hard...I ran away and that is how, strangely I came to be here..."

"Cullen spoke to you?"

"Seth...His name is Edward and, yes, he came after me, got a key for my house..."

"What?"

Seth's obvious inability to see the conversation to an end, made me find the energy magically in my limbs to climb off the sofa and release my head from the security of his lap...I stood up and took deep breaths – Edward hadn't been wrong in all of this, I had been the person to tell him to be honest with his mother when he may not have ever wanted to in the first place and WHY...All because of my own selfish need to ensure that he was being honest with me, now I wish there was a way I could take everything back because Esme was never going to take this lightly now that she did know. "Seth, why do you always want to see the bad in Edward?"

"Bella, he hurt you...You're my friend and when someone hurts you...They hurt me..." there was the snag, I was not JUST Seth's friend because he felt more for me after knowing me for such a short amount of time, this was behaviour of protection, my best friend wanted to protect me from something that well...Had really come to an end, now as I stood in his living room trying so hard to find some words that did not have direct similarity to the ones swarming my head like angry bees.

"This wasn't all his fault..."

"Do not blame yourself for being stupid, how were you to know what he was doing, Bella...Like any good player and manipulator – Cullen is always going to be aware of his actions, why do you think his ego is so damn big?"

Another snag, I had seen a different side to Edward in my attempt to stay away from him, a vulnerability and honesty that no one but his own family may have ever witnessed before in his days of living. The plea from him stating that he'd do anything to be my friend again haunted my head all evening, his words touched me where none of them had, before. I didn't know what was going on, what he was thinking but I knew my own thoughts and Edward Cullen was not a whole-rounded evil person, he was a person who had made a catastrophic mistake in his earlier teens and now had to live with the consequences. Not everyone can be sensible minded and my father did always say that learning the hard way was the better outcome because of the learning that came afterwards.

"No...Seth...I told Edward that the only way he could ever hope to be back on speaking terms with me was to come clean to his mother..."

"I don't get it, why are you here, then?" The confusion clouded Seth's face, at that moment even I didn't know why I had come here, it was an impulse decision because Seth was and had always been there for me...What was I sending him being here? Was I giving him more hope that I may never find anyone to love and so path the way for him to sweep me off my feet?

Was this whole need to come and have him look after me all wrong?

"I came here because...Mum was acting up; she said that I didn't know anything about life and prior to that Esme and her were talking about you..."

"Me..."

"Yes, they seemed to think that there was something going on between us...Something more than friendship..."

"So?"

"So there isn't anything...They kept saying that you were a great guy...Which you are, Seth and I agree whole-heartedly with that fact but...Hearing them sound so hopeful over something that wasn't true pushed my buttons and, talking about my personal life on display..."

"If it's not true, what do you care Bella?"

"What?"

"Why are you here...You're here because of something that happens to pretty much anyone, if your mum and Cullen's mum want us to be together then let them have that little fantasy because believe me, I share it with them!"

Seth looked hurt, hurt and agitated and it was all because of me...He had spoken nothing but the truth and the saying that truth hurts is utterly correct...Shame clouded me, how could I have expected him to pat me on the head and tell me everything was alright when I knew that he was suffering more than I could ever suffer?

"Bella, would it be so fucking terrible?"

This was back when he told me how he felt, the two of us were now back into this territory when there was nothing left to say but the feeling of our hearts, the determination from my best friend to have me around broke me into two and being here, certainly doesn't help anyone but me...I had made a mistake and this, like Edward is my facing the consequences.

"No...Not terrible, but Seth there is no such thing as a one-sided relationship, two people cannot make that commitment if there isn't a mutual respect..."

"You might not love me now, Bella but...I assure you with everything that I am to look after you...With everything in my power – no one will ever be able to cause you pain like Cullen...Over my dead body that will never happen..." Seth edged closer but, I couldn't find my feet...I was paralyzed by the look in his eyes, the love shining through them. The love for me, the love for a person who he should never in a million years hope to get because of the main reality of her never feeling the same.

"Seth..." Tears filled my eyes as my best friend cupped one of my cheeks...I didn't want to look away but I did so much wish to run in that moment and escape the possibility of him being let down by me anymore, _why did you do this, Bella? Why do you have to keep breaking his heart when he clearly battles with it every moment he is around you?_

"I love you, Bella...I love you so much that every day all I feel is ache and pain...Seeing you talking with Edward hurts me, knowing that his brother is planning behind your back kills me...Why can't I make you see that all of this can be taken away with one word. One word, B that is all you have to say..."

"Please..." a defeating tear escaped my eye and he, in return wiped it away with his other hand.

"Don't cry Bella, don't cry my angel...You will never be able to cry again, let me in...Let me love, care and support you in any way I can and nothing will ever make you sad..."

"I can't..." I choked out.

"Yes you can..." Seth brought his head in, his voice barely above the tone of a whisper and placed a kiss on my temple, making his way slowly down the side of my face. "You're the most beautiful girl in the world..." he added moving down to my jaw line and also making more tears escape the prison of my eyelids. I wanted so much to be able to reciprocate the feelings he felt for me but there was nothing there for me...Nothing that can be deemed as desire, lust or love...Someone who I may fall in love needs to be a person that sets my soul alight every moment he looks my way, beats my heart so frantically through touch and through verbal speech that it may boom out of my chest at any moment like something from a sci-fi film...Someone who I want to be with, emotionally and physically. Sex is a scary thing for me because of trusting another individual with your body and allowing them to see every inch of it was not something that I wanted with my everything but, like any young girl...I still want to find love, or at least have the opportunity to have a mutual relationship for any given amount of time by the masters of fate...This wasn't it.

"No...I really can't..." As Seth moved to my neck, I placed my hands gently on his shoulders and brought myself away...His eyes came back up to mine and the love had gone, leaving only pain behind...I couldn't imagine what was going through his head but the emotion that came immediately as I gazed at him was rejection...This was me, rejecting his advances for the second time. "I can't allow you to go through this...I can't allow myself to let you do these things to me and always have doubt in the back of my head that there may never be a moment where I find I love you back...It's unstable and silly and, you mean too much to me to lead you on and get your hopes up about anything..."

"You care about me that much to shoot me down, Bell you don't understand...There will never be anyone else for me..."

"Don't say that..."

"No one will ever make my heart soar like you do...No one will ever come close to you in my heart, Bella...Please believe me?"

"Seth this isn't a matter of believing, I believe that you are a great, genuine person who is in love with the wrong person..."

"How are you wrong for me, Bella?"

"I don't feel the same way, back...You deserve to be with someone who can return those and, even more than that...Who can make you feel whole and complete and have a new journey in life that fulfils your every being...A great journey. I can't give that to you..."

"B..."

"Love is blind, sometimes...Seth...My great friend, you are amazing to me and I couldn't ask for a better person to support me – but there isn't a chance for me to take, if I allow you to do all the things you want so much to do, it would be unfair..."

"I don't care..."

"I do, Seth...You're always going to be my friend...I am so sorry for doing this to you..."

Seth was silent as he contemplated the words from my mouth and registered them in his mind...The hurt was heartbreaking and every minute I spend with him here is going to make things much worse. How can I call myself a good person when I have done this to him? What kind of friend am I?

I hesitantly and slowly took my hands away from his shoulders and took a couple of steps back, the tears were still falling but at the same time, the preparation for him to yell at me had been considered and like any natural person in this position, he'd have every right to be angry at what I have done – my wrong choice.

"So...What does that leave?" he asked me, biting down on his lower lip hard, no doubt to prevent the emotion that he is rightly feeling at my rejection of his favours for a second time.

"I will always be your friend..."

"Do you know how much this hurts, B?" He wasn't angry, just sad and hurt but his voice was not heightened as it should be...It broke my heart a lot more to have him sad than it ever would if he were angry...There was nothing that could be done, going through with this would only be a pretence and why should Seth have to live with pretend when he can definitely have the real thing once he manages to do no doubt a very hard thing and move on from me?

"No...I don't, I have never been in love – but I don't feel it, of course I want to because like any normal girl...Being with you would be the greatest thing in the world...But, your life is not supposed to be lived with me by your side..."

"Well, B...As much as I still want to be your friend, I can't just be your friend...I mean, since I first saw you everything has been so very hard..."

"I can understand that, the last thing I want to do is hurt you because you DO mean a lot to me, even though this current situation is hard to work through without pain..."

"So...I make you this promise, Bella..." Seth took my hands in his a little abruptly which caused a gasp to escape my mouth but...I couldn't pull away at least not until he was finished. "No matter what happens, I will always be there...I will always wait for you...In the wings when you're ready to have me in that way..."

"Seth..."

"Don't knock it, Bella who knows what might happen a year or two down the line...When it happens, I'll be here...I'll never stop loving you...Not now, not ever!"

"You need to get over me..."

"That's impossible..."

"Please..."

"You're not going to win this, nothing in the world will stop me from wanting you every single day and a feeling like that is not going away with the snap of three fingers..."

"Fine, but it was wrong of me to come here..."

"No it wasn't..."

"Yes it was, coming here has caused you more pain...I don't know how to handle this kind of situation..."

"Stop finding the blame in yourself, this kills like hell but there is nothing you can do about it...Just promise me that you'll come to me if your feelings change..."

"I-"

"Bella, for the love of God to help me get back a little dignity...At least consider me if ever you need someone to love you...Please?"

"Alright...If my feelings change and I see you in a different light then yes..."

"Thank you, Bella" Seth moved closer and pressed his lips to my forehead tenderly before releasing my hands completely. "Are you going to go?"

"Yes...I think that's best..."

"Alright, well I will give you a lift into school, tomorrow..."

"No really..."

"Please, Bella...I want to do it, to make sure that you're okay...As a friend...?"

Sighing in defeat at facing a second battle lost...I reluctantly nodded my head and was pleased at the small smile edged on Seth's face for the first time this evening...Taking a deep breath and composing the emotion that was surely going to swallow me up the moment I stepped out of this house, I turned and walked to the door and stepped out into the corridor...Halting in my tracks at Seth's mum who came up to me and blocked the pathway to escape.

"You've hurt my son again, haven't you?" _Whoa Nelly...Where did that come from?_

"Excuse me?"

"Don't play coy...He has told me everything about how he feels about you and personally I think it's disgusting that you can even look at him in the face after what he goes through every day...How can you sleep at night?" _What the hell?_

"Um..."

"Mum...Leave it!" Seth's demand came from behind me and, I should do but I still couldn't bring my body to turn...The vision of the front door was too much of a desperate God send.

"I am telling her some home truths...Seth!" His mum's eyes never left mine, how is it even possible that the woman I had only said about four words to since this moment is having a go at me...Had Seth taken his anger and sent it to her through some telepathy of some kind? Or did she know about me and Seth had denied it to my face?

"What have I said to you about leaving this alone...?" There was anger in my best friend's voice now and it was a little strange to hear him angry because he had never had a cause to be angry at me before or anyone else that I had been around to witness.

"I thought you didn't tell her about me..." I said turning around meekly on the spot to face him once more – he looked a little defeated and sad as he lowered his eyes for a mere moment and brought them back up.

"I told her that I was in love with you...That's the truth..." he replied quietly.

"So I think it's best if you leave..." His mum added, sear anger in her voice, heightened every moment she spoke...I turned back and blinked frantically maintaining the tears inside my eyes.

"I was going..." I replied, scooting past her when she clearly refused to move...I hung my head down reaching for the front door and feeling the breeze from the night air surrounding my body.

"Don't even think about coming back into this house, again..." I heard Seth's mum spit before I closed the door to remove the sound and atmosphere in their house.

Once in the freedom of the fresh air, I began to walk fast back to the short distance of my house letting the tears fall but the sobs stay inside until there couldn't be anyone within walking radius who may stop me and ask me what was the matter...I didn't need to be fussed over or swarmed around by outsiders right now, all I wanted was to bury myself in the safety of my pillow and cry into the fabric of my pillow. Mum wasn't in my thoughts and if she saw me upset then...So what...She had made me upset in the first place – at least upset enough so that I made the stupid decision of running to the arms of Seth...Such a bad move!

As I walked into my road and closer to my front gate, a bang drifted me away from my mind and in curiosity...I edged to the side of my own house and saw that Carlisle had found the ladder that Edward used to speak to me when his once 'friends' couldn't find out that he and I spoke or even spent time in the same room.

"Oh Bella, hi!" he caught me as he stepped towards me to their garage, in my cloudiness; there was only one name that was left carved in the blur...Edward.

"Hi Carlisle..."

"I have no idea why this ladder is here, I have been looking for it for a while, now..."

"Oh...Carlisle is Edward still at home?"

"Yes...Your mother is in one of our guests rooms...Turns out she is that far gone with alcohol that the best thing for us to do was to take care of her..."

"Thank you...Can I please see Edward?"

"I am afraid that he is not allowed to see anyone, Bella..."

"Please, Carlisle...There is something that I really want to talk to him about..."

"Bella..."

"Please...I gather that you must know what happened between us, Esme knows so undoubtedly she must have told you...But, there is something that can't wait until tomorrow?" In my plea to see Edward, the tears had escaped my eyes some more and there went that discreetness of keeping emotions away and obtaining a clear head...When have I ever had a clear head?

"Alright, but we can only allow five minutes...He needs to see the end of the punishment..."

"I understand...Where is he?"

"He's in his room...Upstairs third on the right..."

"Thank you"

I hastily ran to the front door and opened it up, thankfully it was on the latch and peered in, it was empty at least the corridor was to the stairs and wasting no more time waiting for someone like Esme to come and find me and stop me from what I am doing – I sprinted to the stairs and up them easily avoiding my weight on the natural sounding creaks for too long and managed to get to the third door on the right and, knocking softly three times to keep away Emmett or my mother hearing the sound and coming out to confront me.

The door opened...

Edward was standing in front of me, wearing a band T-shirt and pyjama trousers harbouring red and slightly swollen eyes at the pain that he must have caused himself and his family from filling out my request to be honest. "Bella..."

"I need to speak with you..."

"I am sorry, Bella but I am under punishment...Grounded, actually so...That means that I can't see anyone..."

"Don't worry I spoke with Carlisle, I have five minutes..." I sniffed and Edward opened the door further to the side and stepped towards me a little more – now no gaps between us.

"What's happened?"

"Can I come in for a second...?" Truth be told, going into Edward's room was a strange and weird idea but seeing it from my own room means that it can't be all that bad...Besides there was something I needed to know...A question that would cloud my head and take away any opportunity for a somewhat peaceful sleep for the school day and the last day until the weekend tomorrow.

Edward turned and walked away from the door, letting me step in and close it behind me...A lamp came on and left us both standing there in the small light. The smell of mint and men's body wash (the good kind) creating an aroma through my nose. "What is it?" he whispered.

"I need to know why, Edward..."

"Why?"

"Why...Well two things...Why did you make that bet?"

"Stupidity..."

"Okay...Let me rephrase this...Why _me_?"

"Well, you were the nearest person and, seeing you unpack those boxes...We made the target..." _Honesty, that was good enough for me!_

"Also...Why did you tell your parents about what happened?"

"You asked me to..."

"Oh, Edward...It was stupid of me to ask you that...I never thought that you'd do it and if there was any reason for me to have that opinion change then, asking that question would never have crossed my mind in a million years..."

"I wanted to be friends with you, again...Nothing is going to be easy but...I did it for you, Bella..."

"Then, thank you"

"You're welcome...Why have you been crying?"

"Oh...It's nothing..."

"Bella, don't tell me it's nothing...Is it about your mum?"

"Yes...But that's not the real reason..."

"Then what is it?"

"Um...Seth...You know Seth Clearwater...He's in love with me..." Edward's face remained unchanged.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Yes, because I can't return them and...I have already had to say no to him, once...I had to do it, again tonight. He's a great guy and mum is already planning our wedding, along with _your_ mum but there is nothing there and...I hate hurting him...Because he has been so good to me..." The sobs came out, I didn't know whether it was the silence of the room or standing in front of Edward that opened up the floodgate but there is no going back from here.

Lowering my head, I covered my mouth to prevent Esme or my own mother finding me in Edward's room but, out of nowhere...Two arms encircled me and I fell into the hardness of Edward's chest needing to have some kind of contact...Preferably not this kind of contact from him but the two of us were having problems and he was the only person who can listen because of his non-membership to Bella Swan's screw-up situations.

It may have been five minutes with Edward but, it was the first time I felt a little better for the entire day.

Strange how comfort can be found in the oddest places.


	29. Clouded Speech

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

Cosmo's barking woke me up at a rushed speed – my feet shot out from the warmth of the duvet and onto the floor to hobble as best as I can although I did actually want to run, instead but my brain was slower than my body at waking up and the room was already a haze, a basic outline of the colour of the door was enough to get me out onto the landing and down the stairs, the breeze from the open morning air outside hit my legs and I shivered coming to a halt in my tracks and finding mum tiptoeing back from the kitchen and back to the door shifting it closed, in my slight crankiness at being woken up from a once-in-a-lifetime of Farningham sleep, I cleared my throat which my mum only gasped in return to and swung her body around to look at me.

"Hi sweetie...I am sorry I woke you..." she looked genuinely sorry for waking me, but all I wanted to do was gag at the sudden change of behaviour, going back to her normal self and not having any recollection of how she had been with me last night at the dinner that she had wanted so much to go to and drag me along for the train-wreck that occurred.

"Got a hangover, mum?" I asked her, keeping my anger at bay...The way she had spoken to me still gave me a twinge of hurt in my heart whenever her voice came into my head...I was only young but being here with her, I had always shown my mother nothing but the kindest support and love in my power...Even at times offered to get her some help in form of a councillor or psychiatrist for her grief and transition on moving forward but her excuse was always 'I'll get round to it' and of course, being the scatter-brained being she is...Nothing was ever done or resolved.

"A little one, now you go back to sleep..." there was the refusal of anything wrong – the denial of the real issues at hand the fact that she had been so very rude to me the night before, was it wrong to hope that she may have remembered it at all?

"No mum...I am awake now, I want to talk about last night..."

"Oh wasn't it fun, I have just put the kettle on to make a much needed caffeine break...Would you like something?"

"Um...No...I want to talk to you about last night..."

"Alright well come in here, then" mum said walking away from me and into the kitchen the sound of her flipping the kettle showed some kind of seriousness on her part and I had to gather my anger and put some kind of lid on until she had time to explain her rant...Unnecessary rant at that. There were deeper issues that only ever made an appearance with the guidance of alcohol and if anything, she needed to get those problems addressed because she may LOOK like a woman who has moved on from the death of her husband but the sole reason is because of appearances. Mum is that worried about what others thing deep down because she has told me on numerous occasions that keeping up the facade of everything in her life being fine has become a habit.

"So what's wrong?" she asked me, occupying herself and running her index finger along the rim of her empty cup as the kettle boiled slowly...Her back was to me but she was surely going to turn around the moment I wanted to speak to her about something that she may not remember at all or even have some recollection over but for the sake of appearances had learnt to avoid.

"I want to talk to you about what you said to me...Last night after you and Esme were gushing over your hope for me to be with Seth..."

"What did I say?"

"Once you were on the God knows what number glass of wine – I wanted to say to you that there will never be anything to happen between Seth and I because...Well now I can tell you because the Cullen's are not here to hear me...I do not hold any love for Seth and surely, from my own choice inside of my soul that being in a relationship with someone means that you hold some love for them in your heart...However with Seth, that isn't possible...He is not the man for me but having my personal life discussed with people that you may care about but I do not have as much care for hurt me, mum and your reaction to my pleading with you to stop talking about my limited love life was...That being seventeen I in turn as a result do not know anything about life..."

"I remember saying that, baby..."

"Can you at least turn around?"

"Sweetheart, I was wrong to say that..."

"Stop denying it, mum...You were in love with dad, you married him and when I asked you the first time to stop you carried on, and even after the second time you bring Esme into the discussion and as nice as Esme is she has nothing to do with me – I have respect for her because she has been a good friend which I have said all along but, then you both bring Edward into the equation and yes, Edward and I talk to each other every so often but we are not even concrete friends and, he was at the same table having to listen to it along with me..."

"So it's wrong for me to want you to be happy?"

"This isn't about me...This is about _you_ and the reality that dad's death still affects you..."

"Why shouldn't it?"

"Mum...LOOK AT ME!" I yelled, needing to see the look on her face to try and find some idea as to what was going on in that head of yours.

"I do NOT need to be yelled at by my own daughter...You say that I have got problems then why don't you look in the mirror, Isabella because you're not so damn perfect!"

"There it is...There is that temper...Mum if there is a problem then talk to me, talk to Esme...Talk to SOMEONE..."

"A shrink...I don't think so?"

"So what if you need to see a counsellor, not everyone can cope on their own and no one will think any less of you..."

"Then this is _my _issue – the best thing that you can do is get on with your own life..."

"Mum...I miss him, too..."

"Please, I don't want to talk about this right now, Bella..." Mum walked out of the kitchen at the speed of light and suddenly – the victim card twisted to her and not me. All I had wanted was to talk to her about was how she had hurt and upset me by talking about my own personal life which didn't need to be made public and now, I looked like the bad person.

Not wanting to dwell on the argument that may have later on before having to endure the car journey with Seth on the way to school, I made my way upstairs and into the bathroom – making a mental note to bask under the warm water to wake myself up properly.

This weekend was going to be difficult, that is if I manage to get through the school day, today...Perhaps I can arrange something with Tor because the atmosphere in the entire house had already been tainted and mum and I were going to fill out our usual ritual when we disagree with one another of avoiding conversation and my time would be spent by myself- left only to dote on things and spend even more time in my head which even now was proving to be my downfall. Contemplating about bad situations, if an individual has the time is a nightmare and Edward and I may have come to a common ground but I do not want to spend much time with him because the embarrassment reeling from the revelation of mum and Esme agreeing that they pre-conceived that myself and the younger Cullen brother may have ended an item still swam through my veins and, he was grounded and filling out the punishment of upsetting his parents, which I also had some part in. Why wasn't anything in life, simple? Not just my life but in general?

Stepping into the shower, I turned the handle to as hot as my body could manage to hold without the risk of burn and scald and tilted my head back letting the pores of the skin on my face open up and the steam bring me to some soothing and comfort. Seth and I were not going to hang out together from the set opinion his mother had of me and how can I take him away from his mother against her wishes? I had never been a bad influence, in my old life when our family unit was complete my view on meeting new people was harder but I always wanted to create a mellowness when in conversation, hoping that new individuals in my life could have the choice to speak to me if they wanted because, listening to other people's issues was far better than enduring my own.

I washed my hair with the usual shampoo and conditioner to bring the familiarity of the smell back to my senses and used my favourite body wash, fair enough physical appearance was never going to be one of my strong points because of my utter detest at the thought of shopping but, washing in my routine was enough to get me by the rest of the morning. Mum was going to stay out of my way and, well breakfast was not something to sit through because on the rarest occasion I could stand to eat something in the mornings but going to school and sitting through lessons always took me away from real life and my mind remaining alert to the assignments that were, no doubt going to pile up so much in the next however many months left.

Stepping out of the shower, I placed a small amount of moisturiser on my face to stop my skin from drying up in the coldness of the winter months and turned on the fan letting the steam and condensation from the window disappear...I walked back into my room and saw Cosmo sleeping on my unmade bed in the haste of my getting up, one thing you could depend on a dog to do was to alert you whenever they believed something to be wrong. People underestimate animal senses because Cossie was very much a little human and he seemed to like the woman or whoever came around to check on him during the day – mum hadn't told me much about them and so...Being the daughter, I just agreed and accepted her decision.

Ignoring the need to take him away from the peacefulness of his slumber by making my bed, properly...I picked out the most flexible clothes in my wardrobe including my ever so amazing converse shoes from the bottom and also some underwear from my chest of drawers before getting dressed as quickly as possible. One thing that I hated was to be late because it took away the whole structure of the day and everything around me seemed too rushed to sit down and enjoy something.

Feeling a little warmer in clothing, I took my towel and hung it over the radiator in the bathroom, thanking someone up there that I did not have to collide with my mother and went back into my room taking my bag out from behind the door and onto the foot of the bed, taking out the iPod that hadn't been used since almost dying at the fate of a car bonnet and my final moments resting on the road and turned off my also-unused mobile phone because of the rule in school not to have them on in lessons and well...Being Bella Swan left no chances to trick luck and the risk of my phone going off in the lesson.

I gathered my folders for the lessons and closed the bag hauling it over my shoulder and stepping over to my window and opening the blinds so that the light came come through. Curiosity took over my brain and in that moment, I peered through the wood and saw that Edward's blinds were all the way up but the only sight of his room being the computer on his desk and his bookshelf behind it were not being used and, judging how he had let light through his room showed that he may have been awake and...Kind of surprising that he is up as early as me because his car never really made an appearance in the student car-park until at least twenty minutes before the first lesson started. Just something I have observed a little weirdly since coming here, I guess that is what happens when you drive yourself insane in your head the littlest things make for more interesting visuals.

Stroking Cossie on the head, gently the sound of his sweet, deep snoring making a nice distraction...I abandoned the idea of making my bed and walked out of my room closing it behind me, I had some time to kill before Seth came but I didn't want to sit in the house, alone and so...I opened the front door and making sure my keys were still in my bag since they were last needed, I closed it behind me and walked out into the morning air.

Not really thinking about it, I sat down on the pavement outside my house and, luckily not having to make shapes out of the clouds...I rummaged through the bag placing it next to me and pulled out my rather tattered copy of 'Tess of the D'Urbervilles' and opened it to the folded page where I last left it. Bronte was a great escape but Hardy made life seem a little brighter in his books...My life was nowhere near how awful Tess's was and so, reading about her may make the day go by quicker.

"I always liked her..."

Gasping I lifted my head to the sound of the familiar voice and saw Edward standing to the side of me, his feet inches away from my body. Fully dressed and ready to make his way to school like me. Why was everything changing around me all the time?

"Who?" I asked not really knowing if he was talking about the characters in the book or real-life humans...He gave me a small smirk.

"Is this pavement, taken?"

"Free country" I replied watching him sit down beside me and rest his arms on his legs hugged to his chest as he looked ahead of us to the silent houses, opposite.

"Tess" he answered suddenly...I was a little shocked at how he seemed to be at lock-heads with me over Heathcliff and Cathy in a novel but now, he was actually feeling sympathy for the main character of the book that was now, pretty much abandoned from reading.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean she got involved with that creep because she believed that his family were direct descendants of hers and that not being true, he still used it as a ploy to make her his because he fancied her. Leading to her rape...She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, really..."

"I didn't think that Tess was your kind of book..."

"It's not but, I like reading much to everyone's dismay and...Hardy has a way of making his characters sympathetic and real-life issues that still happen today exist in his written pages..."

"So, the need to back a character this time isn't needed?"

Edward smiled to himself, knowing what I was talking about without my having to make it obvious and twiddled his thumbs stretched out in front of him "I am starting to feel sympathy for Cathy, actually..."

"Is that so?" I smirked closing the book on my lap and resting my head on my hand.

"Yes...I think both of them had their reasons but...Cathy should have married Heathcliff because she loved him, honestly that is what any person in love would do..."

"I wouldn't know, the only ways I can't relate to classic literal characters is how deeply they can love someone and have their love returned, I guess the timing for Cathy and Heathy wasn't right because of the society they lived in"

"They belonged together...Anyway, how is the whole thing with Seth...You feeling a little better about it?"

"Not really, he is picking me up soon..."

"Really, well the reason I came over here was because I wanted to offer you a lift..."

"Thank you...But, Seth has already demanded I go with him..."

"Demanded?"

"What about your parents?"

"I am not grounded when it comes to school...I can do what I chose within the school building but as soon as I get home, my room is the haven..More like prison, really. Listen are you still okay with helping me with that essay for Monday?"

"Sure but, won't your parents mind?"

"No...Besides, you're Bella Swan if anything you can get more brownies for helping me out with academics..."

"I don't care about brownie points..."

"I know..."

Silence fell over us as I giggled nervously at the awkwardness at the loss of conversation..."Well...If the prison allows visitors then I am sure I can be there..."

"Thank you...My dad really likes you, you know?"

"Really?"

"Yeah...He is tough to please but, you seemed to have made an impression on both my parents...I had to get out of the house because of their chat to each other going sour as they carry on giving me the cold shoulder..."

"I am sorry that things are like that..."

"There is nothing for you to be sorry for, you're the victim in this..."

"Well...We can both have prison-houses, together..."

"What do you mean?"

"My mum isn't talking to me, after that whole conversation at dinner I may have suggested that she go and see a professional because she is clearly still grieving for my father...I'd rather her not go under therapy but if it means that she can gain some closure and open up some more doors later on then it must be a good thing in the long run. I want to help her because I'm concerned but being concerned means looking like the villain..."

"Man, that's rough..."

"Don't worry -nothing that I can't handle, I'll just plough through like always..."

"You don't have to plough you know...I am always here if you want to let things off your chest..."

"Thank you" I gave him a smile at the kind gesture, he didn't have to offer me an ear but the fact that he had made the choice to let me know he was there for me made me feel a little better. Edward wasn't going to judge me, at least not after everything we have gone through to get this far. It might be nice to have someone to listen to me.

The sound of a car engine brought us away from our slightly tender moment and my eyes shot up at Seth's car stopping to a halt by the pavement...He did not come out but his eyes went from me, to Edward and back to me again and lord knows what was going around his head or what preconceived ideas he may have created seeing us sitting next to each other on the pavement. Sighing, I picked up my bag putting it over my shoulder and turned to face, Edward.

"I guess I'll see you around, then..."

"Man if looks could kill..."

"Don't worry about him, if he comes near you then he has only his pride to destroy because he won't be able to yell at you without getting an earful from me...I suppose now you know the reason as to why he looks at you like he is doing...I am sorry for that..."

"Forget about it...Besides, if you don't feel the same way for him then you're in the right to keep him at arm's length and...I won't cause trouble between you...I don't like him but..."

"I know...Thank you for offering to take me to school..."

"No problem..."

I rose to my feet and brushed down the back of my jeans from the coldness of the pavement and walked the small distance to the passenger side of Seth's car and opened the door and climbed in closing it behind me.

"Hey you!" Seth greeted me.

"Hey..." I forced a smile as I buckled my seat belt and rested my bag on my knees, Edward got off of the pavement and turned, his back to us and made his way to his own car.

"Everything alright?" he asked.

"Everything's fine..." I replied..._Why would he believe that anything was wrong? Oh yeah that's right because he's crazy about you and he hates my neighbour. Wow you do know how to get into these situations don't you, Bella?_

"So...How are you feeling?" Seth asked me as he made his way onto the main road and on the usual route to school...I was gazing out of the window seeing Edward's smile in my mind...Strangely, his company made me feel better even when at first I wanted to stay away from him – the change in his behaviour had changed my feeling of being in his presence and the weirdest thing of all is his car was what I wanted to be in instead of in here with my former best friend whose mum wanted to have a replica voodoo-doll of my appearance to stick pins in.

"I am good, last day until another weekend..."

"You got any plans?" _No..._

"Yeah, I want to make a head start on the work due for next week..."

"Oh well...I was wondering when you get a free minute you can come and hang around with me, maybe we can take Cosmo and Nellie out for a walk..."

"Um...What about your mum?"

"Bella, my mum has no control over what I choose to do and honestly, I am sorry about the way she treated you..."

"Don't be, she spoke the truth..."

"No she didn't...She made you out to be someone you're not..."

"Seth, I think it's best if we let things lie for a while..."

"Bella, please don't keep a distance from me, I don't want my mother to change anything that we have..."

"She's not, I am going to be bogged down with schoolwork this weekend so maybe we can do something better next weekend..."

"Okay..."

I couldn't bring myself to tell Seth that my weekend was going to be spent with Edward going over the classic romance novel of 'Wuthering Heights'.

As Seth pulled up, I managed to release the seatbelt and pick up my bag – not wanting it to become obvious that the last thing I wanted deep down was to get out of the car...

"Right so, I'll see you this afternoon when I pick you up, again?"

"Oh no...There is an after-school thing that I am involved in..."

"Alright well...I'll catch up with you later, then..."

"Yeah okay – thanks for the lift..."

"You're welcome..."

I opened the door and climbed out breathing a sigh of relief after it was closed and walked towards the school entrance blocking the rest of the world and the students who may have overseen my haste to get away from the car and into the school.

The moment I stepped into the reception, the young receptionist's eyes lit up as she rose from the chair and gestured for me to come forward...A little stumped about her abrupt need to have me close to her...I edged forward and stood in front of her, she put down the phone she was holding.

"Sorry Bella, Mrs Osborn asked me to send you down to her office when I saw you come in"

"Oh, right...Did she say why?"

"You're not in trouble, that's for sure..."

"Okay well, I'll go down there, now..."

"Also if you happen to see Mr Edward Cullen on your travels can you tell him that Mrs Osborn wants to see him as well?"

"Sure..."

"Have a good day, Bella"

I ignored the burning questions floating around my head and paced to Osborn's English room which was where her office was also built at the back and stopped in my tracks to find Jasper Hale coming towards me, not so much walking more like stalking and my legs gave way and the all the energy in my body gave up in the sudden nausea of seeing him.

"I know it was you who had some part in Cullen giving me a black eye!" he seethed standing in front of me nowhere else to go and no opportunity to pass him on either side in the risk of him touching me, or even hurting me.

Just when you think a day can get somewhat better...

This happens...


	30. Errupting Thoughts

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward ~**~~

Being grounded is a complete bitch!

Mum and dad were avoiding me like the plague but even through all of the silence, and the awkwardness of having to sit through dinner with them both when the cold shoulder still hadn't begun to thaw on both of them – my old life didn't come across my mind...The desire to sneak out even if I was on punishment was not something for me to consider – back in the day my rebellious side made an appearance and my main reason and reason for the change in attitude was always along the lines of 'fuck my parents' and 'I have my own life'. What kind of life do I have now?

A changed life and a forever changed view thanks to one girl – a girl could change me so completely and believe me, I didn't want to go back to how things had been...I'd rather die.

I saw Bella on the pavement between both of our houses early as sin but I had been up anyway at the strange hour because of the inability to get any rest and the fact that my eye still had the slightest tinge of pain...I may have faced punches before but never had I endured a plough from Jasper Hale and honestly, if I didn't want to make myself look like the bad one and a person who condoned violence then I'd have hit him back in return good and hard. In curiosity and not wanting Bella to have to sit outside when everyone else was starting their day and hadn't set outside, yet...I went to join her, anything was better than avoiding the parents when they were in a stink and considering how much trouble I had managed to get myself into.

There she was, the girl who had changed everything about me – her curious eyes deep into a book from a glance recognition showered me at the front cover...Typical Bella Swan, reading another classic only this time one by Thomas Hardy.

"I always liked her..." at her sudden gasp, I wanted to hit myself at how oblivious I had been to the time and the fact that she was out here by herself..._Making her jump instead of introducing yourself first, nice going!_

"Who?" the chocolate eyes sparkled as her heartbeat slowed down, she didn't seem disgusted to see me...Perhaps I was making a gradual lee-way with her I mean, who knows. Sure put it down to me to be optimistic about this and the fact that Seth Clearwater was not around to give me any stink-eye.

I smirked instantly without realising at her question – did she know that I was referring to the character of Tess in the book or whether I was talking about her...In my heart, gaining some feelings back from my escapade of puberty and her coming into my life...Of course I was talking about her, that's the beauty about the heart unless whatever is embedded inside it's beats comes out of your mouth it can remain a secret.

"Is this pavement taken?" Asking to sit down was somewhat of a big step, she may not want to have me so close to her because being the natural thinking soul she may want to always prefer to be by herself especially when reading because whether she had disclosed this to me or not, frankly memory was not my thing before this incident - Bella had always enjoyed the escapism of books and maybe she would want some privacy – the only place I desired to go was my car or here beside her, no chance in hell was I going to go back in the house. The atmosphere was too much, the hurt and disappointment lingered in the molecules of the air like a bad smell and there is no escape to something so large and prominent as the pain that your own parents have in their heart for your own actions.

I regretted so much the pain that I had created, Emmett was no angel but I could have in the beginning gone with my instinct and decided against it but never once thinking of the actual pain and reaction from Bella had been my ultimate downfall. The pain in her eyes when I had told her what was going on still, to this day haunted my thoughts during the day and my sub-concious at night and knowing that I was the reason she felt that pain made me want to hit myself repeatedly as many times as it took for me to come to some kind of frame of mind to make it up to her. The determination to make it up to her sizzled in the pores of my skin and whether or not she needed me, I was going to be there, always.

"Free country" she replied, not showing any signs of sarcasm or dislike to the idea of my sitting next to her, why was her mind antagonizing me, so? The fact that I was unknowing to anything that may be thinking now was driving me slowly insane. What was she thinking? Not just about me but about everything?

Taking a calming inward breath, I sat down the coldness from the morning air on the surface of the pavement hammering through the fabric of my trousers causing me to wince slightly but not enough to draw any attention to myself or the uncomfortableness of sitting down. How had she managed to sit out here for this long, a pavement this cold may easily cause hypothermia!

I took my eyes to the houses opposite both of ours, dark, empty...No one awake to go to work at this moment in time...The whole atmosphere enhanced a sense of desertion, the only thing taking it away from being complete was the birdsong around us. At least animals can always be trusted to be awake at this time much against what us humans want or expect. Here I was, sitting next to Bella and clasping my palms together as my arms rested on my knees and thinking about animals...Could I be anymore of an idiot?

"Tess" I added, not wanting to look like a fool to her, I was being honest...Tess had always appealed to me because of her strength and her determination to find the right man for her existing in the character of Angel Claire but of course, she did not have her happy ending and instead got hung for murdering the other man in her life who had treated her always so very badly. To me, as wrong as murdering someone is, she was a heroine for loving Angel for as long as she did even if he ran away from what they had when he found out about her not being a virgin but Tess was willing to hold onto him and keep him in her life no matter what the cost was, which undoubtledly was her life.

"Really?"

Bella's chocolate eyes shot to my own, curiosity clouding her entire facial expression...Clearly, she had taken the right assumption and believed that I did not have much liking for Thomas Hardy – admittedly, 'Tess' is a novel that appears more to women because of the relationships described between the three main characters and the writing surrounding a female lead but, I can be the small percentage of the male gender who like the book...I am, I had been for a while now.

"Yeah, I mean she got involved with that creep because she believed that his family were direct descendants of hers and that not being true, he still used it as a ploy to make her his because he fancied her. Leading to her rape...She was in the wrong place at the wrong time, really..."

_Shut up, Cullen...Shut up! Why must you go off on one and lose all control in the movement of your gob? Way to make her think you're an even bigger fool and arsehole!_

"I didn't think that Tess was your kind of book..."

_Bingo...I was right about one thing, she had been thinking that Tess was not my kind of book...Now if only I could manage to guess whether we were definite friends as close enough as the way we were, before I decided to grow a pair of balls for once in so many years!_

"It's not but, I like reading much to everyone's dismay and...Hardy has a way of making his characters sympathetic and real-life issues that still happen today exist in his written pages..." I had tried to come out with a decent explination to defend myself but of course, in front of Bella I wouldn't be able to move if a car was coming straight at me, she had an effect to stop all control and understandable thought in my brain and turn it into awkward goo when it spilled out from my mouth...As much as I wanted to spend time with her because having her as a friend has been beneficial to me in so many ways but I couldn't win with any verbal speech in fear of what she was going to think – that's right, fear controlled me whenever I was within reaching distance of Bella Swan.

Why...Do I hear you ask?

Surely with my track record with girls and my undying confidence to talk to them and be around them, my non-suffering from shyness wouldn't ever stump me from the smooth-talking, in front of Bella there was no smooth-talking, if anything I was walking on hot coals because of being so scared to upset her again or take away her trust in me once more. The damage I had done to this particular girl was one where I had seen the consequences of what my behaviour did and so seeing it first hand had created so much hatred for every area of my soul and the stupidity of my choice as a young teenager to live as someone I was never going to truly be in my own heart. Bella Swan was different, she was a girl who knew her own mind – every female that had been acossiated with me had wanted to be a sheep or follow the latest trends. No feeling was ever entirely real – a lust or simple flirtation was all that they and I, alone speaking and firting of course being a two-way street but nothing ever felt realistic – a feeling so strong that it can consume a soul and take over every breath from your body and every inch of your soul.

Nothing was ever like that with any other girl – that much was certain and I liked the fact that Bella was different more than anything else in the world but...The old Edward Cullen wanted to break through still somewhere small deep down inside of me and use the previous verbal tactics to get some conversation out of a girl but that conversation- no matter how long or short or even what it was about in the first place had always gone on to other things...Not sex because I have only been with two girls sexually but the old Edward was no stranger to playing to some extents. Mostly, and horribly thinking about it now the playing was done for me and never recirprocated. Now, unable to adapt to the change of finding some decent conversation for the intelligence and mysteriousness of my neighbour had thrown me more for six than I had ever realised.

"So the need to back a character this time isn't needed?" I couldn't help but smile at the thought and flashback of our first English lesson together and the debate that we had through the misunderstanding of fully knowing one another – my thoughts being the girl that can benefit to my own legend status but actually one than can also infuriate me because of her typical defense of the female character with the similar mind – a female taking the feminist side and unable to look at both the characters, individually.

What I didn't disclose to Bella was that I hadn't always sided with Heathcliff, actually until having the debate with her in the English lesson the first one to start a whole year of the same things except with other books besides 'Wuthering' I had always understood both sides of the lovers...However, I can't be afraid to disclose in my mind now that in panic of my reputation being stripped because I was unable to win against the new girl from the different world to ours, in defense...I took the opposite side, both curious about what she was going to do once I commented on her views and much to my shock when we finished – Bella Swan was able to hold her own extremely well...She did have a strong head on young shoulders and because of the individuals that I had been around, the shock was from not being experienced with people especially girls like Bella, before.

"I am starting to feel sympathy for Cathy, actually..." I added in, not caring about her reaction, anymore because honestly I was going through enough in my family to force myself in the new changes to keep my thoughts individual and interesting. Whether that was working at all at the moment was a different story.

"Is that so?" Bella smirked and closed the book on her lap, turning her body towards me slightly...I had managed to spark her interest and of course, she was waiting for the satisfaction to find out she had won the argument between us that seemed like years ago, now. If only I could see that brightness in those eyes more often, more pain resides in them than normal and that pain was partly down to me and it killed me slowly that it was evident inside of her.

""Yes...I think both of them had their reasons but...Cathy should have married Heathcliff because she loved him, honestly that is what any person in love would do..."

"I wouldn't know, the only ways I can't relate to classic literal characters is how deeply they can love someone and have their love returned, I guess the timing for Cathy and Heathy wasn't right because of the society they lived in" _why had this girl gone through her life unable to be loved by any guy...I mean, she is interesting and speaking from a guy who once only ever thought of appearance and never of personality then yes, it was believable that no one had ever properly seen her for the true being that she is...Honestly, it stumped me because, judging by her revelation of Clearwater liking her in that way – she did not have any problem with being drawn to?_

I was drawn to her, for the kind of person she is and in the past, I wouldn't have touched her with a bargepole but right now, how could anyone not have snapped her up before now?

"They belonged together...Anyway, how is the whole thing with Seth...You feeling a little better about it?"

I hated talking about Clearwater but she had been in limbo about what to do when around him - I admired her for taking the initiative to let him down when she knew that there wasn't any feeling beside friendship on her side...But, she needed to let things go like anyone does when real-life situations become too much to deal with.

"Not really, he is picking me up soon..." _always insisting to be with her when he wasn't doing either her or him any favours...Was he obsessed or something?_

"Really, well the reason I came over here was because I wanted to offer you a lift..." _I have to lie, I have to because I want her to be with me and away from him, who's to know that his so-called 'love' for her is genuine? Emmett has told me what he has done in the past, being too over-protective of his past girlfriends, was Bella going to be next in the spiral?_

"Thank you...But, Seth has already demanded I go with him..." _enough said!_

"Demanded?"

"What about your parents?" That question on Bella's lips was only going to take a matter of time, of course she was going to be weary about my parents...I was weary about my parents more for the both of us...However, that being said...Mum may like my sudden choosing to offer a lift because of my making it up to Bella in some way, at least I hope so.

"I am not grounded when it comes to school...I can do what I chose within the school building but as soon as I get home, my room is the haven..More like prison, really. Listen are you still okay with helping me with that essay for Monday?" The tone of my voice hitched up a little in pitch, my hope to still have the intelligent Bella Swan help me with English, she was undoubtedly the best student in the class and some that don't seem to speak to anyone in the human race can barely manage to _speak _the English language, let alone study it.

"Sure but, won't your parents mind?" _I wish I knew the real answer to that question and not just make an assumption or guess._

"No...Besides, you're Bella Swan if anything you can get more brownies for helping me out with academics..."

"I don't care about brownie points..." Bella Swan was a giver in life and not a taker, I had known that from the first day of meeting her – call it an early guess, she may be mysterious in the best of times but that much was transfixed – the generosity in her soul and the caring she had for others that she cared for including her own mother.

"I know..."

Silence fell over us at my confession and Bella giggled, I wanted so much then to know what she was thinking...If it was driving me mad at the beginning then smashing my head against a hard brick wall was the only outcome to regaining my sanity, now.

"Well...If the prison allows visitors then I am sure I can be there..."

"Thank you...My dad really likes you, you know?"

I couldn't lie, my father can be a hard person to please, especially younger people who he makes no scruple about debating over at the best of times – the disrespectful ones may as well have a ball and chain around their necks at his own disposal but Bella Swan was part of the rare few as usual to make a good impression and how was my father going to not like her, when my mother was already one of her most avid fans?

"Really?"

"Yeah...He is tough to please but, you seemed to have made an impression on both my parents...I had to get out of the house because of their chat to each other going sour as they carry on giving me the cold shoulder..."

"I am sorry that things are like that..." _Selfless...Always so selfless and to take the blame for something that someone else had wrongly agreed to...This was my own bed and no one should be facing punishment from me...Don't blame yourself caring and loving Bella!_

"There is nothing for you to be sorry for, you're the victim in this..."

"Well...We can both have prison-houses, together..."

"What do you mean?"

"My mum isn't talking to me, after that whole conversation at dinner I may have suggested that she go and see a professional because she is clearly still grieving for my father...I'd rather her not go under therapy but if it means that she can gain some closure and open up some more doors later on then it must be a good thing in the long run. I want to help her because I'm concerned but being concerned means looking like the villain..." _Damn first she loses her father, now her mother was deteriorating..Was anything in this poor girl's life easy? Bad things always happen to good people like her and frankly, it sickens me!_

"Man, that's rough..."

"Don't worry -nothing that I can't handle, I'll just plough through like always..."

"You don't have to plough you know...I am always here if you want to let things off your chest..." _I so want to be there for you, Bella...Anytime, anywhere just say that you need me and I'll always come to you!_

"Thank you"

Bella gave me a small smile and it made me happy that I was able to bring a smile, even a small one to her face because it meant than in her heart, she knew I was there for her. Fair enough the need to have me around or to talk to me may never be an option but...Remembering what my mother had said to me when I was very young had taught me a lot in my young life about how to be a good friend to someone...That was, sometimes if help wasn't used...All that mattered was that it was offered, people need to know that help is there sometimes without ever once having to go to the pouring of their hearts.

At the tender moment between us, the sound of car breaks squealing and getting closer and closer to us took us both away and Bella turned her head as Seth's car pulled up in an empty space beside the pavement I could have sworn that I heard a sigh come from her mouth a faint one but there was no way of determing it and before anything more could be said, she put the book back in her bag and stood up brushing herself down, my focus as she was doing that at the corner of my eye was how Seth was looking at me, I don't know why he thinks or believes that he is so untouchable, I have done things in my past and things that I am not proud of but he wasn't so damn perfect. Of course Bella was oblivious to his girlfriends and giving me the look he was, nothing but scorn and hatred in his eyes so obvious that he may as well send five pitbulls over to eat me alive, he gave me the indication that he had not told her anything about them, either. Probably not wanting to change her opinion of him because he was 'in love'.

"I guess I'll see you around, then..." Bella said, my eyes never breaking away from her 'friend'.

"Man if looks could kill" I said in a whisper under my breath trying hard not to clench my teeth at my anger, my fists were already itching out in front of me – Bella could not see me angry, I was not going to get angry in front of her to cause her any kind of upset – also, I was not going to give his highness over there anymore ammunition to take her away from me.

"Don't worry about him, if he comes near you then he has only his pride to destroy because he won't be able to yell at you without getting an earful from me...I suppose now you know the reason as to why he looks at you like he is doing...I am sorry for that..." _Shit, she heard me! Come up with an answer, Cullen...Fast!_

"Forget about it...Besides, if you don't feel the same way for him then you're in the right to keep him at arm's length and...I won't cause trouble between you...I don't like him but..."

"I know...Thank you for offering to take me to school..." _Anything for you, Bella!_

"No problem"

Powerless to say or do anymore, I watched her walk to Seth's car and open the door climbing in to the passenger seat and closing the door, she said something to him inaudibly unknown to me because lip-reading was not on top of my academics and he continued to stare me down even as he turned the wheel and drove away down the road...Silence fell over me again and I was suddenly lost without having her so close by my side.

I have to admit it, if only to myself but...I always wanted Bella by my side, she was something else, entirely and it was the something that was missing in my life...I grew more and more fond of her on every hour of every day and nothing was making that feeling go away.

I didn't know what the feeling was, but it was enough to make me sleep and breathe my neighbour on the brink of my own obsession...She was fascinating and so loving, perhaps an equal amount to my mother and never growing up did I imagine that there was going to be anyone else as loving as she was but...As it turned out, I was proved wrong.

Sighing, I rose from the pavement...The numbness in my bum creating a light sensation around my whole body making me feel like air for a mere few minutes before I reached my own car. Emmett was still inside the house, probably making conversation with my parents as if he had never done anything wrong but my brother was the least of my worries...He could carry on with the lie and pretence of being the perfect son and take all the credit. My concern was Bella, it was always going to be Bella at least for the rest of the year before we both went different ways, she another year and I hopefully to university.

How was I going to be able to leave her, behind?

Ignoring the possible emotional subject of mine and Bella's natural separation, I climbed in the car and closed the door – turning on the heating and fumbling in my trouser pocket for my keys and managed to pull them out and put them in the ignition. The opposite house lights came on and that was my cue to go and following the same path that Bella had taken in Clearwater's car just minutes ago became my route to school.

The rest as they say...Is history!

Once I parked my car and made my way to the main reception, I was interrupted in my tracks by the 'whooping' of the young receptionist, glancing over at her to see her gesturing with her hand for me to come towards her...This was just what I needed, more trouble for something that I have never done. Meeting Boyle was already a scarring-experience and for my own worth, I made a mental note never to make that visit twice.

"Mr Cullen, Mrs Osborn would like you to make your way to her office?"

"Mrs Osborn?"

"There is no need to panic, Edward...Bella is already making her way down there now..." _Bella...Osborn wanted to see me and Bella? Is it just me or was that a little odd?_

"Um sure...Thanks..."

"You're welcome..."

Burying my hands in my trouser pockets, I made the short walk to the English department and to the office of the main department leader, why did she want to see Bella and I privately...Did she want to talk to us about our rant the first lesson because honestly, she should have done that before now...That can't be it...Can it?

The questions came bounding into my mind like angry wild animals and I almost came to a resolution to stop myself from thinking, maybe bang my head against a nearby locker when I saw Jasper Hale standing in front of Bella not inches from where I was. Panic replaced the questions and I was unable then to see Bella's face as her back was directly facing me, he looked pissed and no chance in hell was he going to cause a scene in the corridor not where everyone can see. If he has a problem he could deal with it in my presence because over my dead body was he going to touch one hair on Bella Swan's head...He could beat me senseless a hundred times as long as no harm came to her. Not thinking about anything except the need to protect Bella, I hurried towards them and placed one hand on her shoulder as I stared down Hale.

"Is there a problem here, Jasper?" I said feeling Bella tense underneath my hand, she hadn't seen me and what kind of person was I rushing to her aid when she clearly wanted to handle it by herself? I wanted to step away but she would only get hurt and that was not going to be on my head...What kind of person looks on when someone they have grown to care about gets hit? I didn't trust Hale with my life and anything was possible.

"Bella and I were having a little chat, look at that...Isn't it cute that he comes over to protect you...I definitely wouldn't put it past you to ask him to hit me, now..." _He thought that...That she...OH HELL NO!_

"Bella had nothing to do with this..."

"Yes because both of you are so perfect, did you know that he only spoke to you because of a bet, Bella...Did you ask her to pour shake over me, Cullen?"

"No you deserved that on your own!" Bella spat shifting her shoulder causing my hand to release contact with her body. "If you want to hit me, Hale then go ahead but you make it sound like you're a victim when I am the one who has been exploited by both of you...If you're man enough to hit a girl then go ahead..." _What the hell is she doing?_

Hale looked stumped, more stumped than I had ever seen him – was he going to stoop so low when everyone could witness our little episode. As soon as he touched her he was going to get a beating from me that's for sure...No one hurts Bella, not whilst I was around!

"Come on, big man Hale...Do you want to give other potential hussies the opportunity to see what you really are...A selfish bully who treats people unfairly to get what he wants. Will any girl want to go out with you when violence is embedded in your soul...Any sane person...I don't think so!"

_Oh my God, Bella is holding her own!_

I was stunned by her strength to take on Hale – where had all this come from?

"Not so cool now are you, get out of my way...You make me sick...If you ever come near me again the last thing that you should be worrying about is a milkshake over your head!"

With a defeated huff, Hale turned and walked away...Bella attempted to walk away from the small space that we had both been occupying but, I reached out to touch her shoulder and she turned...Her face was rosy, whether it was from embarrassment or anger I didn't know however, at her defence and ability to stand up to Hale made me feel so fucking proud of her!

"That was amazing!" I exclaimed as she smiled with a contented sigh.

"It felt good...Thanks for coming to check on me but Edward, I can deal with him by myself..."

"After seeing that I won't ever think otherwise..."

"Did you know that Osborn is looking for you?"

"Yeah, shall we..." The door to Osborn's room was inches away from us to the left and she smiled turning on her heel and closing the distance, I followed in pursuit and entered our English classroom closing the door behind me.

"Ah Bella, Edward please come and take a seat!" Osborn emerged from the back office and skipped down towards the table in front of her desk, placing herself in the middle and swinging her legs underneath her as Bella and I sat down. "I suppose you wonder why I have asked you in here..." _Not bad guessing for a teacher!_

"I have marked the draft essays that I asked you to do the second lesson and both of you had the highest marks ever given by me to a mock assignment. That is why, with my asking Bella first because she scored two points more than yourself, Edward...Would you be interested, Ms Swan in taking part in the English department's open evening debate?"

"Open evening?" Bella asked her a little stumped.

"Yes, the school has an open evening where parents of existing pupils can experience what the school offers and even potential relatives and friends of our future students can oversee as well. I want to do a debate on classical literature, how different writers of yours and Edward's choosing are different to modern-day ones and what lessons they can teach us...With high-scoring pupils lower in the school to join you with varied opinions..."

"Oh, erm..."

"Mr Cullen, yourself and Bella will pick the books to talk about and lead opposing sides of the debate, whichever you feel more comfortable with. I ask if you do consider to get back to me, soon.."

"Um...Sure, I mean...Is there anyone else in the class that can do it?" I intervened.

"I can offer it to them but, you two are the more intelligent students and have more connection to these books and it shows in your writing as a result..."

"Yeah, we'll do it..." Bella said finalising the deal...She turned her head and gave me a small smile.

"I guess we're doing it, then..."

Me...Edward Cullen...An open evening at the girl's school?

Times really are changing!


	31. Nagging News

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

The free double period where I was able to go home because Osborn had gone away somewhere because of something to do with her personal life had turned my thoughts straight into the weekend, ahead and how strange it had seemed about my amount of time increased with Edward since we had now come back to civilisation once more. Even though I still found it a little odd that I had seen Osborn very early this morning at the start of the day and now she couldn't teach our lesson...As usual, the school could not possible fork out for supply teachers for an A-Level group because the students in uniform always deemed more important and of course, sixth students can go home for 'home study'...A fancy word always imprinted on the sign-in and out clipboards the actual meaning being 'doing nothing'.

"So...Can I give you a lift back?"

Edward was going the same way as me, anyway and the cool air around us seeping into the later hours of the afternoon were no comfort to my skin through the thin fabric of my clothes but something hit me - as soon as Edward mentioned the word 'lift' – realisation hit me like a baseball bat...Seth was supposed to be coming to get me at least a couple of hours from now but could I really wait around for two hours when the opportunity to go home and get started on the next amount of work for the open evening was given to me?

Contemplating for a moment as we both stood in the empty car park; I flipped my hair back behind my shoulder and folded my arms across my chest. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

"If I minded then would I even offer?"

"Don't get smart with me, Cullen...We have to work together to make the school look good and no one from the outside world is going to appreciate our bickering..." I teased putting my hands on my hips.

"It's not called bickering little one, it's called banter..."

"Just open the car..." I said not able to hide the smile that crept up the corners of my mouth but as he opened the door to the passenger side and gestured with his hand for me to climb in, we got taken out of our own little world...

"Edward!"

I turned along with Edward at the sound of his name, wanting then to climb into his car, lock the door behind me and never come back out...Rosalie power-walked towards us both and I, shunned to silence buried both my hands in my jean pockets my gaze shooting to the tarmac of the road beneath me.

"What is it, Rosalie?"

"Sorry to interrupt your little moment but...I have a suggestion for you..."

"A suggestion?"

"Oh Edward stop looking like you want to kill me and just listen...Jacob Black's father is away for the weekend, some kind of fishing trip with the guys – anyway without the ins and outs...He is having a house party and wants me to invite you. I believe his words were 'tell him because I will be at Wildernesse all day'?"

At the sound of the word 'party' and the name 'Jacob Black' the misplacing of my company and the reality that Edward and I, did still come from two complete ends of the social circle hit me so hard that I had to suddenly at the spur of the moment fight to keep the tears away. Rosalie did not look my way once and okay, I was looking at the floor but I didn't need to be good at academics to realise that she had blocked me out of this little chat, completely. If I had any sense I wouldn't be so damn interested in going to another party after what happened to someone I care about at the one previously.

"Rosalie...That sounds great but, I am on punishment..."

"Excuse me?"

Surely Rosalie would not look so flabbergasted if she and Emmett, Edward's brother who lives in the same house ever spoke besides having animal sex every chance they both got.

Why hadn't Emmett told her about Edward not being able to go anywhere, he had to gain permission for being with _me _his _next-door neighbour_ for the weekend and no way in hell was he going to go back on his determination to see his punishment through to the end? It was hard in that moment not to feel proud of Edward and how he had immediately refused the opportunity to go out because, I may not know Edward Cullen as much as I, secretly might want to but chances are in the past punishment from his parents might never have stopped him from being rebellious and now he had found some ground and laid some foundation to the person he has become. A nice one.

"Yeah, mum and dad are pissed at me and so...I will be in all weekend..." Edward didn't seem apologetic at all, not remorseful for turning down an offer from a member of his own crowd...The change in him had definitely taken place and all I wanted to do then, as weird as this is was to wrap my arms around his body and hug him.

"Emmett never told me..."

"He's not the one in trouble, after what you, Tanya and Jacob along with Emmett and I have done to Bella is something that I chose to pay the price for and to be honest, parties aren't my thing, anymore..."

"Parties are _always _your thing!"

"Not now..."

"Man, she has changed you..." I really didn't need to be here for this conversation but if I tried to disappear then Edward would only try to stop me. Rosalie's eyes stared into the top of my head but I wasn't going to give her a meek look that only makes me look incredibly lame in the process, instead...I kept my silence.

"Anyway if there was nothing else, we need to get home..." Edward walked around to the driver's side of the car and I climbed into the already-opened door to the passenger side and put my bag by my feet to close the door.

Edward turned on the ignition and we drove out of the car park watching Rosalie eye us both as she made her way over to her own car which was still parked stationery in a space.

"Why did you do that?" I found the question flying out of my mouth before I had a chance to stop it...Edward turned to me and smirked.

"Turn down the opportunity for a party?"

"Yeah, I am sorry if this sounds a little mean but...That hasn't stopped you before now, so why have you refused?"

"Remember, I don't hang around with them anymore, Bella and once you take yourself away from a group you release all profits of all-night partying and endless supplies of alcohol. Besides, Jacob did badly to your friend and if I wasn't on punishment...I'd still say no..."

"You saying no shouldn't have anything to do with me..."

"Why not?"

"Well, for one thing...I don't run your life or control what you do..."

"I did wrong by you and, we already have a date this weekend..."

A _date_...Is that what Edward thought it was?

"Whoa, you're going a little red there, Bella" the heat suppressed my cheeks and I turned towards the window...How typical that he mentions a date and I look like a blown-up raspberry. What does that make me look like – incredibly inexperienced when it came to dating because that was the awful truth after all? Except my in-experience was not a fact that I wanted to be made known, people may think that I have never been intimate with another guy...That doesn't bother me because as we all know, every individual has their own opinions but...At the same time, there was a small part inside my soul that wanted to have more opportunities and learn about how I can be myself with a member of the opposite sex. Edward spoke to me, so that must mean that I am not a complete and utter loon.

"Sorry, I didn't think of it as a date..."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you..."

"I'm not scared...Just...I don't really know what to say to that – what a good answer...is"

"You have already answered it, Bella...Sorry I was only teasing..."

"Don't worry about it, anyway we have that open-evening thing to worry about...Oh by the way, how is it that you need help on your Wuthering Heights essay when you scored the second best in the whole class?"

"I am not the best in the class..."

"That doesn't mean that you're not capable...I don't mind helping you but, do you at least have a plan?"

"Yeah that's why I need you to look over it for me..."

"Oh okay..."

"Anyway, apart from helping me, what else are you doing this weekend?"

"Seth asked me to go out with him but...I don't feel like it..."

"How come?"

"We have kind of got to this awkward place...I made a mistake with him the night that we went around yours and of course most of the blame has to be on me and...Now, I can't seem to look him properly in the eyes because of how he feels about me..."

"So what if you don't love him back, he needs to grow some and move on from you...Sorry, I know he is your friend but don't you think that he is immature...Believe me, I am already aware that I am not the best one to talk about that..."

"I don't know, I don't know about anything, really so...I just avoid it..."

"Be careful about avoiding it for too long because it may come back and bite you on the arse...I know that better than anyone..."

"Then I can take your word for it. I will try and talk to him; again...His mother may as well have already shot me because she doesn't want me anywhere near her precious son so if anything I am doing her a favour..."

"Who cares about his mother, you're not marrying him!"

"This is true...I can't even think about marriage right now..."

"Tell me about it..."

"So, do you miss it?"

"Marriage?" Edward joked chuckling under his breath.

"No...Do you miss hanging out with your group?"

"Hell no...Of course you have some knowledge about what I got up to...Most of the time involving a particular row of lockers..."

The blush came back faster than the speed of light at the flashback of seeing Edward receive a blowjob from Tanya Denali – that was one incident where I prayed to God it might escape my head at least until school ends but unfortunately I had seen Edward with his trousers down and now we were friends I am surprised that hasn't made me want to escape him as I have done, Seth.

"Ooh sorry, bad memory?"

_Egotistical much?_

Edward may have changed but he was still a teenage guy with hormones and anyone who may be willing to give him favours can never hope to be denied...However, he hadn't treated me the same as he had done Tanya so perhaps in a blue moon, I was someone different and he had wanted to be my friend because of who I am...I may have seen him in a predicament beyond friendship but that is all the two of us were. Others may have a different opinion but screw them, Edward and I know what we have and what we get up to.

"Yes, actually..." I replied folding my arms to my chest "thanks for bringing that back up..."

"Sorry, I was pissed at you for stealing the moment, though..."

"Talking about it is still bringing it up, Edward..."

"Don't you want to know what I thought?"

"No because whatever you think is different...When you...O...Oh for God sake I can't talk about it!" At my dramatic exclaim, I heard him laugh from beside me his eyes still ahead on the road.

"I love it when you get all flustered, Bella..."

"Not a bed of roses for me..."

The car slowed and the sight of our road came into view, how is it when I was in the car with Edward that the journey and time in general went so damn fast but when I was with Seth the torture began with the slowness so quickly? Is that supposed to tell me, something? Or am I still thinking too damn much?

Edward turned into our road and without any prominent moments passing between us, he had pulled up outside his house in his usual parking space and turned off the engine, reaching down I picked up my bag and used my free hand to unfasten my seatbelt and open the passenger door only to have it taken from my hold as Edward held it in place for me to get out, smiling I got out into the chilly air instantly missing the luxury of the heating inside Edward's car.

"Thank you" I said appreciatively, stepping out the way so the door closed properly.

"No problem, milady..." Edward replied pressing the button on his keys and the car locking behind us, both.

I looked over to my house and saw a man, no more than thirty sitting down in front of our front door, how I had not noticed him as Edward drove past was beyond me but he had a bottle of beer in his hands, his clothes leather kind of like a biker-dude but thankfully without the greasy mop for hair, his hair was spiky and short on top of his head. The stranger hadn't noticed my gawking but Edward had stopped in his tracks and followed my gaze from the corner of my eye.

"Who is that?" he asked me, taking the burning question straight out of my own head.

"I don't know...I'll go and see, I'll meet you tomorrow..."

"No way are you going to meet some alcohol-dependant stranger on your own, Bella...At least let me walk you to your door..."

"Do you remember me telling you that I don't need to be rescued..."

"I am not here to rescue you, Bella but if you get hurt and I was the last one with you then I will have to deal with my conscience and that is far worse..."

"Alright but if he introduces himself than that is your cue to go..."

"Whatever you say" Edward put up his hands and I, nodding in agreement walked towards my house the man catching glimpse of me getting closer and stumbling to his feet almost falling over and breaking our front door in the process.

"Excuse me, sir can I help you?" I asked him, attempting to be polite and give him the benefit of the doubt...In his silence, I heard Cosmo barking from inside the front door – the stranger had obviously disturbed my dog as well as our front garden space.

"I am looking for Renee Swan..." he grunted taking a swig from his beer bottle.

"Renee is at work, can I ask who you are and why you're here?"

"You must be her daughter; you look like her you know?"

"No...I was always told that I take after my father..."

"Yes, well...I am here to say hello...The two of us met when she was working behind the bar last night and got to talking and...Said we'd see each other soon..."

_Did 'soon' really mean the next day, slightly tipsy and in her front garden...To me, that was verging on stalking!_

"I'll pass on a message, sir but seeing as you have had alcohol, I see no point in inviting you in..."

"Renee said you were a little toughie but good on you, lassie for taking initiative I mean in this day and age no one wants strangers on their doorstep..." _Then why are you still here? _"My name is Phil by the way and I was hoping to catch you on a better day but Renee said she'd be home so that I could take her out on the town again..." _Jesus Christ talk about verbal-diarrhoea!_

"Well...Phil...I will tell mum to call you, she must have picked up your number last night and she is never one to go without getting numbers off of people she barely knows..."

"Thanks very much, I am sorry for interrupting you and your boyfriend's private time..." I almost gagged on my own saliva when he shot Edward a wink from over my shoulder, why is it people assume that members of the opposite sex _can't_ be _just_ friends? Sober people say that all the time and this guy had alcohol in him and yet he still comments on something that isn't true.

Who the HELL was he, anyway?

What was mum doing picking up random smelly men who do nothing but drink beer and ride bikes?

Phil stumbled away from us and I turned to Edward who looked like he was about to burst out in fits of laughter but had managed to keep it locked inside...I rolled my eyes.

"It's not funny, Edward..."

"Oh it really is, Bella I mean..._That_...That is what I was going to look like if I hadn't done what I did – now I look at someone else who frankly can't have much of a life makes me think that I am fortunate..."

"Yeah well, now mum is going to have to explain why there was one of her new advantages practically lying across our doorstep...I don't mean to sound like some kind of prude but I don't want to be coming home to that everyday..."

"Imagine what the meeting is going to be like..."

"Why should I have to meet him, if mum is going to be with him long term then that is absolutely find but honestly, I don't want to meet any 'flings' because I know my mother is better than that..."

"Can I tell you something?"

"What?"

"Your mum is lucky to have you...And, I liked it when he called us 'boyfriend and girlfriend'..."

"That's two things..." _Of course he'd like it, ego-snob!_

"I have been thinking one of them for a while..."

"Yes well, you are in different company now so...Deflate that ego..."

"This is not about my ego, Bella...Although thanks for denting it by the way!"

"You're welcome..." I smiled and turned to open the door with my key which I frantically dug for in my bag and opened it slightly to see Cossie run out and circle Edward's legs, seeing as I trusted him with my dog more so than beer-consumed Phil I put down my bag inside the house and turned off the alarm that mum only seemed to use when she wanted to and went back to the door to see Edward clutching Cosmo to his chest and making a fuss over our bigger puppy close to him. I felt bad at breaking the moment because, I felt myself wanting to watch Edward and my dog for hours on end and never once feel boredom in my system.

"Sorry to break up the romance..."

"Aw what can I say, I love your dog...It's a shame that Seth gave him to you but...I'd easily take him for my own..."

"Don't you dare, he's mine...Get yourself a manlier dog like a Great Dane or a boxer..."

Edward chuckled and kissed Cosmo's wet nose before handing him to me, I took him in my arms and he welcomed me with a sloppy like on my jaw line as he bounced around like he had ants in his pants.

"So I guess I'll see you tomorrow..."

"Yeah...I'll see you..."

Edward waved at me before turning and walking away from me and back to his house, I said hello to Cossie properly as I brought him back inside my house and closed the front door.

The next thing on my agenda was to talk to mum and give me her message from Phil.

_Good times!_


	32. Broken Barriers

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Phew!"

I breathed a sigh of relief as I finished my written 'Wuthering Heights' essay taking me only two hours as I waited for mum to get back home from work. It's strange how seeing Phil and the conversation I had with Edward had quickly escaped my mind as I had a task to set and achieve successfully, damn all the time will be spent with my next door neighbour and the only thing to fill my mind was his essay question as every student's is different.

Glancing over the five double-sided pages in my hands, cursing a little at how scruffy my handwriting is for a mere moment there was satisfaction that there was nothing else to write and every point written had a quote from either the novel, itself or the author to back them up. That was the main definite 'to-do' in an essay to make sure every point has evidence and to also include the historical and social context...Believe me, it sounds like a whole lot of hoo-ha but at the end of the day if there is a novel which you worship so much as I do with the Heights then I can never go wrong.

Cosmo had been sitting at my feet for the last hour giving me a silent plea with his eyes – what was the deal with animals thinking that their owners can pick up their crystal ball from under their bed or use Jedi-mind tricks to hear what they were thinking, I hated seeing him looking at me because...All resolve and strength went straight down the drain at those big brown eyes, an individual with a heart as hard as stone and as cold as ice can be the only person ever to refuse the pleading eyes of my puppy.

"What is it, baby?" I whispered to him reaching out my arms in case he wanted to hop up and have a snuggle with me in the warmth of my lap, my left hand was so sore from writing so bloody fast and perhaps I, too was in need of some love from someone other than myself. I don't love myself enough to ever make myself feel better that is usually down to someone else. As I persuaded Cosmo to come into my lap, as least tried to he still stayed motionless between my two legs...I suddenly counted down the plausible wants he may have in my mind...I had just fed him before starting my essay and given him some new water as well as opening the back door to let him do his 'business'...I had taken some part in teaching him how to scratch the pane of glass to let us know that he was urging to go out, the good part was that he did not make any permanent markings to the glass because one of us, either my mum or I caught him in time.

This is what I was going to do, in my boredom...List the wants of my _puppy_...The rest of my work was completed and nothing was left to take me out of reality for two more hours and I suddenly, in the solemn atmosphere of my own company started to miss having Edward or Seth around me...Time used to fly with Seth but of course, not so much anymore...Edward and I seemed to have a kind of like-hate relationship – there were moments where I wanted to plummet him to the ground but then again he must feel them as well with me so the feeling there must be mutual at some points during the day...Then again, we did have a giggle together if there were good moods on both our parts. I could put on a right stinker whenever in a bad mood and unfortunately I had gotten into the habit of taking it out on people unjustifiably so woe betide anyone caught in the crossfire of my own personal stink.

How he and I had become happy to spend time together in each other's company was something I'll never seem to get used to, one minute I am planning his own death at the bonnet of my mother's hippy van and now I am offering to help him out with an essay, which now I had been given proof that he cannot use the excuse of never being good enough to write one in the first place because he scored second-top on a mere mock that didn't mean anything academically and in terms of grades for the year.

If he was that good at writing then why would he want me to help? Honestly, there were only two lousy points between us and like that makes so much difference in the long-haul, was it because he was going to be bored in his punishment that he'd spend time with me or pick the skin of his body just to have something to do – the skin-picking was something to contemplate right now for me.

Did he really need me?

I was a little stumped that he was that good at English anyway, because he is in a complete different year to me technically and the reality that he had to re-do the AS year gave anyone the impression that he did not live up to expectation academically...But right now, perhaps only with English Literature he seemed good enough. Perhaps his old life and choices made him forget work and possible prospects for his future because there was no doubt in my mind that he could go for anything he wanted to and manage to get far in that field...I'd never say that to him, being a man with an ego and all but still...There was nothing he wouldn't be able to do if he put his mind to it. Here I was, in my boredom and need to throw something against the wall giving Edward Cullen compliments in my head, I suppose this is what insanity is...Insanity or just observation?

I missed having him knocking on my window, even when I went through the spell of being mad at him there was something very rebellious and exciting about having him inside my room without anyone else knowing...Like my mum was going to ever pick up on that fact, anyway but even Edward's parents were oblivious to our little ritual and believe me, if he wasn't being punishment there will be nothing to stop him from coming through this room right now.

The doorbell rang through the bottom of the house and Cosmo leapt from his spot and scarpered out of my bedroom door and down the stairs, rising from the bed rubbing down my slightly numb behind I followed him in pursuit taking my hair out of the confines of a hair band and letting it cascade down and around my shoulders leaving feather touches and tingles on my skin through my clothes. I told Cosmo to be quiet in a whisper as he barked at the front door like some kind of mad man on class A drugs and lifted him in my arms so that he didn't sprint outside because, being a puppy still he had yet to understand his name being called and the demand for him to come back when he goes off on a little adventure...I opened the front door with my free hand and Seth came into vision with his hands in his pockets.

Right then, I wanted to be in the boredom again because as always this was going to be awkward!

"Hey you!" he greeted me and held his arms out for Cosmo, I couldn't escape the part of me that wanted to hug my Cossie close instead of handing him over but when he squirmed and got so excited there was no reason with him. Like a stubborn child he always won a fight.

"Hi" I handed Cosmo over and he licked Seth's face, I must at some point teach my dog that there is a difference between people - some are bad and some good, only he can show his kind of love and friendship to good people because frankly, he could lick that Phil man and never know any different.

"My friend Jacob is having a party...I am going to go, did you want to come with me?"

_Were Jacob and Seth friends? Had I forgotten that?_

"Oh, no thank you...I am swamped with school-work..."

"Still...Come on someone like you must have finished all of that in record time..."

"No the AS level is having its bad way with me..."

"Well, I was only going to go to show my face but seeing as you're not going to..."

"Seth...Honestly my mum is going to be home, soon and there is dinner to make..."

"Bell, can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Have I done anything wrong, I mean you have this kind of attitude that you want to be millions of miles away from me..." _I hate suddenly knowing that what he was saying was right! Of course, I could have handled it a little better but would anyone else knowing that every time we were both together the awkwardness was so prominent in the atmosphere that someone could easily cut through it with an axe?_

"Things have been a little difficult, lately...My mum is acting up – at least that is what I am led to believe and there is nothing that I can do about it..."

"Then, why won't you let me help you?"

"Because no one can help me, this is something that mum and I have to sort out by ourselves..."

"No one should have to suffer alone..."

"I am not alone..."

"Bella can you please just tell me what it is you don't like about me?" Seth's plea made all my strength crumble and the hope to refuse the situation wash away with the wag of my puppy's tail who was still making a home for himself in my former best friend's arms.

I sighed and opened the door further to give him the indication to come in further in the house and he wasted no time in taking the chance to do so with my dog in his arms and closing the door with one of his hands that wasn't cradling my baby boy to close it, the two of us alone and having only one another with no one else to know what was going on or might happen.

As I stepped into the living room and sat down on the sofa, rubbing my head in my hands...I suddenly felt the need for Edward. How strange was that, I needed him there to make sure that everything between us was going to be okay – there was one reality that stopped me from sprinting out of his house and running into his arms, the one place that I felt safe but like he was ever going to catch on to that fact was something that I wanted to remain hidden and at the moment, it had worked.

Seth put down Cossie and let him roam around the coffee table in his own little world and then leant back further against the cushions behind us both, my head was up but my gaze was straight ahead at the wall...How was I going to tell him that all I could think about was his mother? The fact that he should find someone worthy of both his and her love and for me to go off and take myself away from the uncompleted picture and as a result of doing that prevent any risk of hurt from his mother because of something that I was admittedly doing...The difference being that Seth's mum had painted me in a light where I was playing him and using him to my advantage but of course, that was entirely false. The only sole reason that I had stayed friends with Seth and never wanted him away from my life because of his feelings which he had made known to me was because he was a great guy and I loved being in his company so much. I allowed Seth to be friends with me, even though I knew how he felt and was it better to just end the friendship? How was I going to end everything that we had because he was the first guy who had voluntarily spoken to me, introduced me to a part of his life and the way that he lives at times and treated me so nicely and a different nicely to anyone of the opposite sex in my lifetime?

"Okay, where do I start?" I contemplated in a whisper trying so much to make the burning mess of my mind into an understandable sentence – a general summary that will be as hard as ripping off a plaster...Why was I back here, again and why was it me that had to go through this...Why couldn't he at some point get the message that nothing was there from me and there never was going to be?

"Just be honest...Bella, it's my mum isn't it?"

Of course he knew - the hatred for me from his mother was so evident that she may as well pull a sword or a gun out on me. "Look, she would prefer for you to hang around with someone else..."

"Bella how many times do I have to tell you, I don't care what she thinks and I am so sorry that she treated you so badly!"

"I know you are...Your mum has a husband who is away for work – she hardly ever sees him and that's hard...To be so far away from someone that you love and her eldest daughter has started her own life which is a great representation of how well she has done as a parent...Seth, you're the only one she has left and there is no animosity from me towards her because there is every right for her to want to protect you..."

"This is not about protection..."

"Yes it is, my own mum has always stood by me but at the moment...Our relationship is changing and not in a good way, this is what I have to do...Nip it in the bud as what I should have done with you. This is the end, Seth...I can't deal with this anymore and I cannot keep hurting you and knocking you back down...There is someone else, your own age who has a better life path and less emotional baggage..."

"Bella, you make it sound so easy..."

"I am not making it sound like anything...I know it isn't easy..._This_ right now is SO hard and every time I have said that I can't feel anything for you breaks me into two..."

"Then is there anyone else?"

Seth didn't look angry, if anything he was trying to find some resolve and reason for why I could not love him...Honestly, I was beginning to become better friends with Edward and he and I had something more than what Seth and I will ever had. We both have the same kind of vision on the world; I do not have to watch what I say with Edward because there is an underlining factor inside of his soul that understands me. Like the way I do him.

"Is it Cullen?"

"No...This has nothing to do with Edward, he made a mistake Seth and he is very sorry for it and I forgave him...It was my choice, I gave him a condition to come clean to his parents and why is he at home just inches from this house instead of being at Jake's party..."

"Oh I did expect to see him, there actually..."

"He won't be..."

"Alright so, if it's not Cullen then is it anyone else?"

"No Seth...There isn't anyone...I am me, this is me, Bella Marie Swan an ordinary person who wants to get acceptance from the people that I have so much care for and, never do I want to hurt you anymore because be honest with me...Great friend that you are...Are you happy right now?"

"No...I am not happy in my life, Bella but whenever I am around you...I am happier..."

"So am I, hanging around with you is what I enjoy the most but I am not happier in the same way that you are...Can you tell me that every time I refuse you there isn't some part of you that is angry or upset..."

"Sure, sure but come on that's natural. When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you there is a natural feeling to hurt when rejection hits you..."

"Well I don't want to hurt you...I don't think that we should be friends anymore..."

"What?"

"Honestly, I don't want to talk with you every two days about this...I don't want to look back behind my shoulder and worry about what you're thinking in case I send you into so much pain that one day that pain will become too much to climb out of rock bottom because that is where you're going to end up and I refuse to do that to you..."

"Bella..."

The front door opened and my mum's laugh filled the entire house as Cossie started to bark, all the silence and the tenderness in the atmosphere had disappeared and now, there was my mum – a third party taking Seth and I away from the talk that both of us had needed since the day he told me he loved me. I needed to find the strength inside of me to get through this and see it to the end and of course, mothers and their timing is never a faltered reality.

A male laugh caused me to rise from the sofa and walk over to stand in the doorway, there was the greasy man sitting at our door only two and a half hours ago with his arm around my mum as they danced together in the kitchen. Mum knew I was home at this time and she was clearly too occupied with this stranger to say hello to me.

"Ooh there is the little lassie!" Phil sang making eye-contact with me, I felt Seth behind me as his eyes shot up and a mischievous smile crept over his mouth. "She has a_nother _friend, now...Your daughter has no problem talking with men does she pookie?" I wanted to throw him out of the door when he smacked mum's arse and made the comment about my having another boyfriend. He had said the word friend but the cheek of a smile made it all clear what his true meaning was.

"Who's that clown?" Seth whispered and I just gawked at my mother who continued to laugh but never once look at me...Was this the way things were going to be, now? I came in second after the two of us had been made to pull together at the grief and loss we felt mutually after losing my father and her husband?

"Mum...Can I have a word with you, please?" I shouted over the giggling in the kitchen...The whole plan to give her the message and speak with her about her new grease-ball had already shot to shit and now there was nothing else but to try and speak with her about my worries. Being her daughter and knowing how much she has suffered and how broken her heart has been when there was no one else but me to keep her going and prop her up when she had to do the same with me, as well and naturally, there was a protective side of me, how much did she know about this guy? How could we trust him, properly when he could easily be a murderer of some kind?

I wanted to try and find some like for him in a first impression but he was already deemed as alcohol dependant and my own mother has had issues with alcohol in her life but she had managed to clean herself up and yes she did work in a bar but if anything that was proof that temptation was never going to be an issue, anymore and now, it looks like he was going to bring her back down again and I desired so much to show him the door but it wasn't my house and my mother would only get more and more angry with me when she was the wrong who had caused this rift between us and the fact that her cold shoulder was making more of an appearance in front of my face than her face was.

"Oh you bad man!" Mum exclaimed covering her mouth with her hands and laughing more uncontrollably every passing second as Phil nipped down at the skin of her neck and she had leant back to accommodate more space for him. What was going on?

"Mum?"

"Go and do some schoolwork, Bella...Phil and I are going back out to have some dinner aren't we scrumptious?"

_Oh my good God!_

My shoulders tensed up and the tears prickled at my eyes, her and Phil were clearly going to do something tonight in my house on the second night of knowing each other and how was I to sleep or clear my mind from picturing his horrible greasy hands all over my mother? My own flesh and blood and a complete stranger that may have every sexual disease in the book! Seth touched both my shoulders as he must have seen me get angry but I wriggled away from his grasp and sniffed trying so very hard not to blink.

"I have finished all my schoolwork and I was about to start dinner..."

"Isn't that nice that the little lassie cooks for you, schnook?"

"Come on, baby I want to go out and eat..."

"I know what I prefer to eat..."

At that remark, that was it...I turned around almost running over Seth and took Cosmo out of his bed and held him close in my arms before opening the front door and sprinting out into the open air making the quick decision to pick up my puppy's lead. There was too much there and there was enough to make me be physically sick in some bushes...My mum made her own choices – she is an adult but bringing men like that around to where we both lived and treating me like I was nothing but a fly on the wall or something at the bottom of her shoe that she had stepped in.

"Bella...Hold on..."

"NO...Seth, PLEASE...I told you I can't do this, I cannot be your friend because there will always be something for me to explain and there will always be this nagging at the back of my mind that will ask me why, always why, why don't you feel anything for him when he is surely going to be a great part of your life and the best thing that may happen to you...Ever. I can't take this, I am sorry that it has to happen but, go to your party and find someone who will be yours heart and soul. Lord knows that that kind of love is nothing short of what you deserve..."

"Then, this is goodbye, then?"

The tears had already fallen, without any control or restraint...Tears for my mother, the fear about the stranger that she had chosen to be with...The tears that she had shown me so much distance that there may as well be an ocean between us and the love that I still felt for her because of the need to help her but never having the ability to do anything about it, now and the tears for Seth who had shown me nothing but kindness but had been harboured with a crush which he has had to deal with as well as I.

"I made the wrong decision to come and find you when things go wrong...That is what I do, run away when things get hard and what does that make me...A coward, a wimp..Call me whatever name and it will all sum me up to a tee. I am not good for you, Seth and I will always be regretful for not feeling the same way but every time you are around me, all those feelings come back like the same feelings you have in your heart for me come back. This is not good for you or me...it's lose-lose whatever happens one of us will always have to lose..."

"I understand, B..."

"Do you?"

"Yes and you're right, it is always you who has to drill it into me to move on but, if anything right now you have done me a favour...I needed to have the final nail banged into the coffin and...Yes, you will always be beautiful to me and nothing will change that..."

"Thank you, for everything..."

"You're welcome...I know that things are awkward and I was willing to accept the denial that I felt and try to stay in your life as much as possible but, everything is too much and...I should have tried to back away from you on my own part..."

"What about Cosmo?"

"I gave him to you...As a gift and that dog thinks the world of you, anyone can see that..."

"He is the best thing to happen to us, well me more than my mother right now..."

"That man is not a good one, Bell..."

"Yes that is my worst fear but what can I do...Nothing, my mum is stubborn and that is where I can get my stubbornness from and there will never be any shifting her once she has set her feet in a concrete decision?"

"I hope that you can find a way to sort it out..."

"I hope you have fun at the party..."

"Thanks..." Seth stepped towards me but stopped when we were close and sighed walking straight past me and away from my eye line, there was no doubt in my head that he was going to give me one last hug but there was no way that he and I were going to be able to get close in contact unless he can love someone else and we can go back to being friends. I never want to lose him but until he can find security and stability with a person who does deserve him and will never treat him unfairly or unjustly then there can be nothing and there can be no proper dissolve.

I sobbed as I stood on the pavement outside my house, Cosmo in my arms cradled hard to my chest and the dog lead hanging down one side of my body swinging and tapping my leg gently as I moved.

This was my dead-end, there were two ways to go...One was down and one was up, for now as mum and that man were in my house I could not feel the security I wanted to and so for the time-being until her car was gone then I was going to walk around in the beauty of nature and clear my head.

"Bella?"

The velvet voice rang through my ears softly, the same voice that seems to always be there whenever anything bad happened or that I found myself overwhelmed with emotion...I set Cosmo down to his feet and held on to his dark blue collar that we had brought for him only a week ago and attached the lead to it making sure that he did not get away and wrapped the lead around my wrist turning to Edward.

"I'm sorry Edward...Not now; please...Please not now..." I covered my mouth with my free hand and turned away from him stepping off of the pavement and with Seth already gone from the main entrance to my road; I had free roam to make my way to the woods which had become a great walking spot for both Nellie and Cosmo.

There was a voice inside my head that wanted to scream out to Edward that I did need him to come with me, I did need him there...It was like my life was already mapped out in front of his eyes and like some kind of brilliant radar he always knew when to turn up and know when something was wrong.

Was that just coincidence?

I wanted him with me, in most situations and whenever I thought about him all thoughts of the other people in my life like my mum and Seth and there was only him. The person who had meant to surround my mind so much, when he was away from me there was the constant wonder of what he was doing and when he was with me there was the wondering to know what he was thinking. Why did I care so much about his mind or actions? It was slowly driving me insane and crying didn't help the already broken mental state of my character.

Heading into the darkness of the woods, at least the darkness from the shelter of the trees...Cosmo had sped up and knowing where we were going I pulled the extension button on the lead and let him roam with enough time to keep close to me if he chose or walking on ahead for a time and sniff whatever dogs tended to sniff whilst I tried to grasp some small amount of sanity and dignity left inside of me to get through the weekend with Edward.

There was an open space in the woods, empty with only grass and a view of the sun above in the clouds whenever it shone on the lush green grass from the amount of rain that England gets the majority of the time was my haven. Cosmo had roamed free without the lead in this space but being so disorientated didn't make me trust myself or the chance to find him if he sprints away.

I sat down on the grass thankfully not having to deal with the wiping down of a wet bottom and hugged my knees to my chest, Cosmo's lead still around my waist and I buried my head into the darkness of my arms letting out all the sobs around the greenery and birdsong of the atmosphere and no one else that could talk with me. I know what I wanted then and there but it wasn't enough to take away the pain of seeing my mum act like a stranger to me.

I could ignore her as well and let her make her own mistakes and bear it like a saint but I didn't want to be a bad daughter and back in the day we used to speak to each other about our worries and I would naturally have gone and spoken with her about how there is a side of me that does not trust Phil because of how little she knows him and how little she has actually known him, knowing someone talking in a restaurant is different to talking with someone behind a bar – the atmosphere are two different worlds and mum had always been a sociable person but she was still sensible because my dad had influenced us to be careful even when we felt something was odd and we were all sensible enough to want to make a decision and ensure that it was alright with everyone else in the family beforehand. Now that my father had gone, everything was already doomed to change and now, a little ahead of time two years to be exact here was the change.

I had never felt so worthless and useless.

Cosmo had started to bark but I was too far down in my emotion to worry about him and for once, his barks and noises fell onto deaf ears and I continued to let out the ache in my heart and the disorientated feeling of loss in my soul and get my head around what I was going to do next...If I was going to do anything at all. Who else was going to be there to know? I did not own a crystal ball and there was no determing my path in my own life let alone my mother's! Like anything was going to be that easy!

I shuddered at the sudden feeling of hands trailing smoothly up and down my own, the touch released them at the click of two fingers and I still didn't want to lift my head but the hands continued to move up and down from the centre of my shoulders to my hands still clutching to the back of my calf muscles to keep my position steady.

"It's okay..."

Sniffing, the recognition and the soothing shower that Edward's voice, unique voice gave my system...I moved my hands from behind my legs and brought them up to both sides of my hair and pulled them back to the top of my head letting the air fall on my face to get rid of the heat but to also keep my face hidden from my next door neighbour for enough time before the redness went away and the only signs being left was the swelling of my eyes from the amount of salt-water tears to fall from them.

"Bella?" A cold touch to just underneath my chin made me flinch again and I lifted my head letting my hands once on my head fall lifelessly to my sides as I gazed into the green eyes of my saviour as he crouched down balancing his weight on his knees and searched my own eyes for something for a moment but all I wanted to do was dig up the grass and bury myself alive.

"I am not rescuing you...I just needed to make sure that you're alright..." he whispered and I shook my head sniffing.

"I won't moan about rescuing, anymore...This is what I do, I run away..."

"What happened, Bell?"

"Mum blanked me and she's spending the night with Phil...I mean who the hell is he?"

"Do you miss your dad?"

I nodded and blinked releasing more tears "I always miss my dad..."

Edward moved his hands from my arms and clutched my shoulders firmly bringing himself closer to me, the wetness of my tears evident on my cheeks as I moved from the sticky feeling of my skin, I followed him as our nose touched very lightly as I closed my eyes breathing in the minty scent from his skin and the softness of his marble-toned skin...Taking him all in.

I gasped again uncontrollably as Edward placed a kiss on one of my eyes and moved onto the other one, soft on heated...Heaven on hell...Broken on shaped. "I'm here, Bella" he added in a whisper and I swallowed the dryness in my throat and fell into his chest wrapping my arms around his shoulders and wallowing into the menthol smell and the faint scent of washing detergent from the fibres in his clothes and he responded to me, clutching me close to him and running one of his hands from the roots of my hair to the tips, calming me and soothing me in the smallest way possible that he could manage but the small gesture meant a lot more to me.

There was someone and I had been right in saying I wasn't alone but...Being in Edward's arms was the best feeling in the whole world and I still could not manage to pinpoint what it was.

There was a connection and now, even in the depths of my emotions...I could never lie that a bond is there and I did need him.

Perhaps more so than I can ever begin to realise.


	33. Consuming Turns

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"What are you doing?"

Edward had carried my exhausted form back to the house, minding the obvious look to the rest of the world and had set me down on my feet, against the wall so that there was something to keep me upright but my legs felt like lead and it only seemed to be the most prominent when I had been crying a lot and that didn't happen very often at least not since I lost my father.

I yearned for the happier times, back to when everything was safe and my family were together, there were no outside influences to break us and tear us apart but I was being blamed by my mother for something that she had done and how did that work out? Perhaps she didn't show any resentment towards me at all, maybe with the honeymoon period of a new relationship can be so much of a whirlwind that individuals who have always been in someone's life get forgotten about and I was almost an adult by law but at the same time it felt like I was a small child being scolded for doing something wrong and I was the kind of person who would take responsibility for anything done to hurt someone else in my life because my father had raised me that way but – I hadn't done anything, mum had been the one to make her hopes about my personal life known to strangers and Edward's parents were strangers to me, Edward wasn't so much because of the water that had already been flown under the bridge of our friendship but that water was what made us stronger this time around and now, he was looking after me against what his parents might say or do when he does go back home after being with me. The last thing I wanted was for him to get the blame for looking after me.

"You need to get back into the house..." He balanced the ladder that he had brought back out after his father had moved it and put it up to my window...Doing my essay, I had opened it because of the need to get some air and luckily there was an alternate way of getting into the house besides going through the front door...I didn't take my key and rather than sleeping on the pavement I could go back to the security of my room and be alone.

"Oh..." He held out his hand and I took it, stumbling to the foot of the ladder and releasing him to hold onto the ladder with both hands and I started to climb up closer and closer to my window and managed to get to the top and crouching down my torso, I put one foot inside to the carpet and yanked the rest of my weight inside the room falling to the floor in the process and not having any energy to get up, I rested my head on the carpet and closed my eyes.

"Hey, are you alright?" Edward whispered from behind me and I nodded into the fibres of the rough carpet still making no attempt to move.

"Edward, go back home...Your parents are going to want to know where you are..."

"Everyone is out, Bella and when they are out they don't have an idea, besides dad is going back tomorrow – he managed to get some more time but his job need him back..."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be, we're all used to it, my mum just needs her time to say goodbye to him and they have always had the last night together..."

"That's only natural..."

"Yeah, come on let's get you up..." I hummed in response my mind really a million miles away because I had forced myself not to dwell or ponder about any of the issues at hand and let my eyes flutter closed, I must have looked like death still hanging on but honestly nothing could make me feel worse right now.

As Edward lifted up one of my arms and rested it over his shoulder, I gripped onto the small section of hair at the nape of his neck to help me lift my weight off of the floor, in my current-state zombies could easily look better than I but when it came to sense and the fact that Edward had then used his other hand to wrap around one side of my waist, the heat from our skin to skin contact evident in the very pores of my own heated and flushed skin from my clothes – Effortlessly and as if I weighed nothing more than a dried up Autumn leaf, Edward hoisted me up to his chest and I fell against his strong arms letting my body and weight fall into him as he took me over to my bed and set me down – my head fell against my pillow and Edward manoeuvred my legs so that he could lift up my duvet and attempt to cover me with it.

"Edward I am not going to sleep but, would you mind staying with me for a little while more?"

"Of course, hey you did it, already!"

Edward picked up my essay, even though he had almost sat on it and damaged it in the process, I smiled and watched his eyes widen as he scanned my hopeless cause of handwriting. "Yeah, I have to apologise for the handwriting..."

"Like I care about the writing, I wish that I had this kind of speed to write...Although I never handwrite anything..."

"The last time we had a computer, my father took it away because of the constant news and cases to do with internet paedophilia so...My schoolwork now has to be handwritten..."

"Oh yeah I can understand why your dad would have done that..."

"My mum would probably break it as well..."

"Bella...Why do you put up with this, I mean...Isn't there some way that you can talk to your mum about anything..."

"No, at least not without her planning my future, she wants the best for me and honestly there are some parents who couldn't give a damn about the behaviour of their children but...She makes every thought public and hasn't seemed to grasp the fact that some things have to be kept secret..."

"Did she want you to be with Seth?"

"Maybe...I don't know...Even I didn't want to be with Seth and I told her lots of times that nothing was going to happen so hoping was a dead end and she went and blabbed all to your mother..."

"Yeah my mum is no stranger to playing cupid..."

"Then they can do it to someone else, I appreciate your mum for helping my mum but actually...There is a limit..."

"I would agree with you but, what do I know about limits?"

"Edward you know enough...I think you know less about your abilities..."

"Don't praise me, Bell...I don't deserve it..."

"Yes you do, everyone does...Yes we all make mistakes and mum is making one right now but, I can't make her see sense if she is wearing Rose-tinted glasses to see Phil..."

"Why aren't things ever simple?" I watched Edward as he leant back against my bedroom wall...I had risen from the pillow because of the strain in my neck and sat up, my back supported by the pillows but my legs hugged close to my chest – Cosmo who Edward had held with the hand that was not wrapped around me on the walk home was snuggled in his lap breathing heavily as his fur was touched and trailed along lightly by Edward's long fingers.

"We're teenagers, I don't think life is supposed to be simple...I mean, you have your dad who works millions of miles away and I have a mother who is off with some dude she met like five minutes ago...As kids we have to learn from them..."

"Yeah and make more mistakes..."

"Edward, you never really spoke about your dad – I know things between you and your mum were bad for a long time and you mentioned regretting the disappointment in his eyes but...Seeing your dad was like seeing another you...Except older..."

"Yeah, I get that a lot..."

"Do you miss him when he isn't around?"

"No...I used to, when I was little and wanted my dad but right now, no...I am old enough to accept that he is providing for us and at the moment with my job searching I can find some way of making my own money..."

"You're looking for a job?"

"Yeah...I suppose that is hard to believe..."

"No...I mean not at all. You're intelligent enough to go wherever you want to and who am I to talk to you or judge you in any way, I do not have a job, either and honestly I have never really thought about a job..."

"Bella, why do you have to praise everything I say?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know just...Look at me the way you do, when you look at me you see good things, that goodness is sometimes never there in the first place...Don't you see the bad – how I have made people feel and how I have treated people over the years I mean, Bell...Before you came to the school it was a whole different ballgame and not one that I'd ever wish for you to experience..."

"Do you think that I care about situations that happened before I met you...?"

"I always care what you think..."

"Why?"

"I am scared that even though making the bet is never going to be erased from memories and my changing is affecting me more than you can ever begin to imagine...I don't want you to ever think me awful and someone who cannot be spoken to..."

"Just stop, Edward...Don't tell me what to think...I have always seen some good in you and there have been times in the past where thinking the best of people has gotten me shot to the ground but, it's all a habit...It's my choice not to hate you and honestly...I wanted to hate you but I never could..."

"Bella, how did we get to this?" Edward leaned in closer and shifted his weight further towards me but not too far to make me uncomfortable...Like I could ever be made to feel uncomfortable with him around me – if anything his arms were calling out to me, the warmth and security of those arms felt better than even being at home with my own family.

"Get to what?"

"I don't know, it's like whenever I am around you...I feel better – like there is nothing in my life that can make me feel like I belong..."

"Yeah well I guess that is what close friendship is..."

"Where is Seth?"

"What?"

"I saw him; outside before I came over...Did something happen with the two of you?"

"We ended our friendship..."

"Why?"

"Don't pretend like you care, Edward...I know how much you didn't like him and there is no need to hide that from me and frankly you can't hide it very well anyway..."

"I tried but...I know some things..."

"Then there is a reason for why you dislike him but, I do not want to know what mistakes he has made or what you may have seen...I can't cloud my vision of him because he has been good for me and the only guy who ever wanted to speak to me..."

"I want to speak to you...I always wanted to..."

"We were different and, now...I guess we aren't so different..."

"WHERE'S THE LASSIE?"

Phil's voice came through the walls like a boulder and suddenly I panicked and climbed off of the bed, waking up Cosmo and closing the door in a heartbeat leaning my back against it to keep him or my mother at bay as I glanced at Edward.

"Under the bed?" he asked taking Cosmo and putting him in the warm spot that I had left behind and getting off of the bed himself, I shot him an apologetic look before watching him bend down and hide himself under the darkness of my bed before leaving me in silence.

"Lassie?" There was a loud knock at my bedroom door and in haste, I messed up my hair and took a deep breath before turning and opening the door.

"Yes?" I said quietly as he stood and gasped.

"Did I wake you, darling?"

"Yes, actually..."

"I am going to be staying round here; tonight your mum has touched too much good wine from the restaurant and is in bed at the moment..."

"You're here because..."

"I feel there are some bad things between us that you might not like me and so I want to give you a chance to like me..."

"It's late, Phil..."

"All the more reason to nip this in the bud, early..."

_This stranger wanted to talk to me when Edward was under my bed and listening to the whole conversation...What the hell was I going to do now?_

"Then, what is it that you want to say because honestly...My mum is angry with me and we are not on the best terms right now, the only issue that I have with you is that you are a stranger and my father has passed away..."

"I know that darling and I send my condolences to you..."

"Thanks but they're not needed..."

"Fine what do I have to say to make you believe that I really like your mum and that this is going to last...I am not just a person who likes the occasional bottle of beer...I work in a band..."

"A band?"

"Yeah I am a guitarist and we are a small band who get as many gigs playing in pubs and clubs as many as we can and open-mic nights get to be the most beneficial audiences and sights...I am not what you think I am..."

"Alright, fine...Listen Phil I don't know what my mum is going through but, whatever happens between her and me and if we don't ever resolve this atmosphere between us then at least let me know that you are going to look after her..."

"Of course..."

"If this is just a 'fling' that all you want is something and someone easy to fulfil your 'needs' then you can look somewhere else because my mother has pain and she has emotional baggage as well as a kid...She is not like normal single women roaming the streets..."

"Wow Renee said you're a toughie and she wasn't wrong..."

"What else does she say about me...That I am a failure at life and that living here with her without having a job or having the financial security to get driving lessons is a sham...That ALL the guys I bring home are conquests..."

"Nothing like that at all, she loves you..."

"At the moment she has a funny way of showing it, Phil you're a stranger to me and I am a stranger to you..."

"Yes but in time you'll see that I am not this stranger and I am not here to replace your father, I just want to be your friend..."

"Then, you have to talk to my mum and tell her that you want something long term because there is no point in being my friend if you walk out of our lives tomorrow and we never see you, again...Never build up trust and know that it is going to get broken by distance...Good night, Phil" I shut the door on him even though he wanted to ask me another question or add another comment...There was something about him that drove me up the wall...Was it the obvious things that he could be sexually crude in verbal terms or that he is in a band that only get small chances to play to audiences and not to mention audiences that are so drunk they may as well cheer on the worst singers and musicians in the world. Or was it something inside?

Taking a deep breath and running my hands through my air to rid my tense anger seeping through my bones and consuming my stomach, Edward appeared from under the bed and brushed his top and trousers down when he managed to stand upright.

"What was that all about?"

"Nothing, next there will be chances to speak with him over dinner, dinner that I have made or a takeaway from a local grease-pot..."

"Bella take a deep breath..."

"Why should I have to like him, what if I went out with you or Seth and mum suddenly decided that she didn't like you, she'd treat the guy like crap and then I would never be able to batter an eyelid because being my mum she has an authority...What am I going to do..."

"Bella..."

"I mean there is nothing wrong with me and, am I jealous...Am I jealous of what my mum can have after a broken and dragged out heart for so long...I was heartbroken at the death of my father, as well but how is the world treating me...Punishing me for bringing that into our lives..."

"Bell..."

"This is not the time to point out nice things about me, if mum was being civil then a chance is there to speak with her about this latest bit on the side because that is all he will ever be, she is so damn scatty...The woman didn't even know that I didn't drive when we first came here imagine what finding the next one is going to be like..."

"B..."

"I blame that pub, if she didn't work there then an 'aspiring' musician who I can already see cannot get anywhere..."

"Bella!" Edward grasped my shoulders and the warmth returned, the pull, the reaction to him that had never happened with Seth or any other person male or female.

As his piercing green eyes, the beauty of the moonlight hitting them realisation hit me. I was jealous of my mum, the way that Phil held her yesterday in front of me and the way that she had laughed in his arms...That picture, that moment, that scene playing in front of my eyes about how someone else can become such a major part of you make a purpose to live.

Consuming with love and desire to be with them for as long as possible, Edward's touch sent me into realms of the unknown, but not an unknown deemed so scary in general terms...Not knowing something is usual what others fear but in this moment with Edward...I was more scared about realising the one thing that had kept me so confused for what seemed like forever.

This is what I wanted, what was missing from my life. Edward.

A guy that can share so much with me, whose friendship with me made my heart soar every second I spent with him – suddenly everything made sense. The reason that I always thought about him and wondered what he was thinking to the point of insanity and whose opinion meant the most to me, outside my own mother. Edward Cullen, beauty, handsomeness, flaws and everything else in the mix was the purpose for living...

I am in love with Edward Cullen...

I am actually falling so hard for him that I may as well be buried deep into the ground, already and...People who don't know what love is – it is a feeling of completion and worry all at the same time...You're ready to cry and I was ready to fall into his arms and whisper to him that where we had got to at least for me was a very dangerous place and a recipe for disaster socially for the both of us.

"Are you alright, now?" he whispered.

Swallowing the dryness in my throat from being silent for so long, I clenched my stomach hard to keep anymore emotion away because he had seen me cry far too much to be normal and so the need to be strong was crucial.

"Yes, sorry...Listen I am going to get an early night...Are we still on for tomorrow?"

"If you want to...If everything becomes too much for you then there is no need to help me, I can always manage something..."

"No...I'll need the escape..."

"Is there anything else I can do for you?"

How is he so nice, this guy had been honest with his parents because he wanted to be friends with me, he liked me and wanted to speak with me.

Edward had changed for me as well as himself and done so much for me, whenever I thought originally that I never wanted to let him see me, upset...Today or any other day but he was always there, picking me up putting on a plaster and sending me on my way. Like a mother to a child.

"No...Thank you, Edward...For everything...You're really a great friend..." Admittedly, I wanted to say something other than 'friend' and it hurt to say that word a little in my heart because getting my hopes up that he was going to feel the same way for me in return will only lead to disappointment.

Crushes come and go and this one was going to go...

"You have always been an amazing friend, too..." He smirked my favourite expression and brought out his index finger and touched it gently to my left cheekbone, I wanted to pull away but the heat from his fingers stalled me and took away the plan but to remain looking into his eyes and wanting to see some kind of sign that I was not insane.

"Good night" his hand released from my skin leaving a longing behind and turned and opened my window a little further and stepped out, Cosmo was too far gone in his sub-conscious to notice and as soon as he was away and I was alone in the room again...I closed the distance between my leaning against the door and the bed and threw myself onto the pillow.

The sobs came as quickly as Edward had left the room.

The soul that was Edward Cullen, the soul that I wanted to be mine was gone and the smitten girl within my own being had come out to take me under into a restless night.

My emotions have changed and now, the challenge was to get Edward Cullen out of my head in time for us to make an appearance at the open evening at school next month.

Everything suddenly got so much harder.


	34. Difficult Pictures

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

Renee Swan needed to have a complete personality and attitude adjustment – how can a woman who harbours any love for their own child and a need to ensure that they have a strong and consistent upbringing, bring home some man that she had only known and probably spoken to for about three hours and introduce him to Bella. Then again, Renee did not introduce him to her, in actual reality she had not spoken to her daughter since the dinner round at ours, and I was no stranger to cold shoulders at least not at the moment but Bella did not deserve to have her mum get the stink with her over a reason that was non-existent.

Bella asked her not to announce her personal life which is what Renee had done at the dinner table and now Bella was getting the blame for being honest?

I didn't know what was wrong with the woman and her and my own mother hadn't been so much in company with one another because of my father going back abroad and now there was only Bella who was evidently struggling to keep it together and like any selfless person who live their lives for other people's welfare she bears it like a saint and still attempts to find some reason for blaming herself for her own thinking. _Damn _that girl for putting the blame on herself when it belonged in great amounts on her mother's shoulders...She had lost what was her best friend as much as I didn't trust him and that was bound to have some kind of an effect on her and downfall her mood slightly because of her helplessness in trying to find some resolve and way to carry on the friendship but I could understand fully how she had to be strong and find some way to tell Seth that she didn't have the ability to maintain her friendship with him because of his feelings for her and the animosity and dislike that the mother had shown Bella. Do not even get me started on how much I wanted to plummet Sue Clearwater to the ground in my imagination for treating someone and another individual as great as Bella so badly and not even taking the time out to be mutual and hear out her side of the story and what she was thinking. So much for behaving like an adult!

Anyway, as much as Renee and Sue have gotten on my wick, seeing Bella so upset when Phil had been brought into her house by her mother last night was giving me an indication to leave her alone and I wanted to attempt to ask to see whether she was alright because she looked so alone on the pavement with her dog in her arms...Like the dog was her only sole possession worth having in her life if she wanted then to walk out of the family home – Bella told me to leave her alone and had run off but, even though Bella can put on a face very well and other people may be blinded to the reality that her emotional breakdown was a cry for help but I was not one of the outsiders. I had known the signs of Bella's behaviour more so than she can ever realise and, of course because I had grown to care about her enough to be with her and offer her some kind of comfort when she was crying.

I mean, maybe kissing her eyes was out of the line and over-stepping the boundary but what else was I going to do instead of just holding her in my arms, she belonged there already and there was no problem being the person she falls into when the emotion became too much? There has to be something else and, I wanted to kiss her eyes, the swelling and the deep red of colour just drew me in and she did not pull away from me, instead letting out a gasp of surprise and shock at the action, believe me no one was more surprised and shocked at the end of the two kisses than me. Holding her hair in my hands and breathing in the scent of her shampoo brought all types of feelings and gut instincts inside of me to boil to the surface and all my self-control to be more of a civilised person and only offer my arms in the deepest need. Not my mouth.

Idiot should have been scrawled across my forehead in permanent marker for the whole world to see, my actions were uncalled for and so now today I was going to plan to apologise to Bella for stepping over the boundary and insist that it will never happen again. I must have created fear inside of her when she already had an explosive mind with her thoughts because of being a thinker. I desired to help Bella in the best was possible but I suddenly fear that there is a worry existing inside of her from my blatant disregard to the way she is and also what state she was in. What kind of person tries to make a move on someone when they are so vulnerable? No wonder my mother was angry with me, she had every right to.

Gazing at Bella's closed window blind for about ten minutes, frankly feeling like a lifetime of motionless posture and a mind that pressed on nothing else but my next door neighbour I prepared mentally for the day, ahead and also to what I was going to do for this evening. Emmett and I used to make dinner for my mum or do some household chores whenever my father went back to work the same day because of how down and emotional she can become and how much we both as sons feel like we should combine and work together to make her feel a little comfort. Even through my transition as a teenager there was still that one day where dad went back and on the dot when mum came home I would do things like, dinner or run a bath with her favourite salts and candles or do the washing and ironing just little jobs here and there to take her mind off of wanting to be alone because Emmett and I did respect her and how she had been there for us when life got tough.

"Hey dude!"

I turned from the window, the light sprinkling of rain on the window making a small amount of noise in the interrupted death-silence of my bedroom and the early atmosphere of the morning left to shower my brother and me.

"Hi" I replied sitting down on my bed and pulling out the second latest piano composition that I have been working on living with the coldness of my mother's shoulder and the inspiration flowing through me enough to make me want to write a new one.

"You alright?"

"I am fine, Em...How's mum?"

"Bearing up – she is in her room and I haven't seen her since she came back from the airport I have been checking up on her..."

"Well there is no need to do that, anymore so you can go out with Rosalie..."

"Look mate I am really sorry about..."

"Forget it, Em..."

"No really I want to make amends because the blame shouldn't be placed on just your shoulders..."

"Emmett go out with Rosalie, at least have a drink on me..."

"Edward..."

"I am not in the mood to talk right now, I have to look after mum...See you later..." At my refusal to speak to my older brother he got the hint at last and hunched his shoulders as he buried both his hands in the pocket of his trousers and walked out of my room without another word. Now was not the time to listen to my brother's regret at my punishment because there was no need to ensure that he actually possessed a soul because he'd rather spend the day with his girlfriend than wait around here and make sure his family was alright.

I added the final notes to the piano composition, making a mental note to play it later in the cellar away from anyone else who could disturb me and hopped off of the bed, doing up the top buttons of my shirt which I had neglected in my rush to get out of my sleepless night last night and out of the bed completely.

I closed my bedroom door and walked up to the second floor to my parent's bedroom lessening my weight on the second staircase so that mum could not have the opportunity to stop me before I had even reached her door. Mentally preparing then on the journey up there for her never to want to have anything to do with me but, trying to do something before going at a decent hour to Bella's house to get on with the pressing essay which had also made a habit of driving me insane recently.

Managing to get to the door, seeing it ajar, I shuffled forward a couple of steps and pushed open the door the noise from my parent's TV coming from around the room and my mum laying in the middle of the bed her head up at the light of the screen and tears falling down her face, she hadn't noticed my lame stillness in her doorway and bracing myself for some wrath I walked in to the room, the carpet sinking into my feet beneath me and closed the door, mum didn't look up when I closed the door and the small banging noise that came as a result of my action.

I had hurt her, hurt her so badly and suddenly my being here was not the best idea..._Man up, Cullen...Your mother is in pain and any man would come and check on her! No time to back out!_

"Hey, mum..." I said quietly in an almost a whisper walking around to dad's empty side of the bed and saw on the screen an old musical of some kind with older generation actors prancing around and lip-synching to a backing track...This was the usual sign that mum was upset because she always watched cheesy shit from decades ago when dinosaurs roamed the earth to cheer herself up. I despised musicals with a venom and yes, I call myself a piano player. However the fact that my playing was nowhere near masterful or even amateur was the sole reason I could still have free-reign to slate musicals.

Ignoring the over-excited smiles on the screen, I crawled over to her, she had a box of tissues next to her as she lay on her stomach watching the screen with enthusiastic interest, either she was very interested or she did not want to have to look at me, that I couldn't tell you but at the same time...I wish I knew.

Being next to her and the scent of her perfume filling my nose made my arms automatically come out and wrap around her as I sat upright with the weight on my knees, a little awkward positioning but it was the least I could do without throwing up all over the duvet. Mum sniffed and tilted her head to the side, her head resting on one of my arms...I did the sensible thing and shuffled over to my stomach and wrapped one arm around her whilst our shoulders connected together and kissed her once on her right temple and rubbed her shoulder with the arm wrapped around her tiny little frame. My parents so loved each other and that kind of love becomes timeless no matter how many years of marriage. Many people could look from the outside of our family unit and wish that they had what we had but inside, Emmett and I had done wrong to both of them and all both my father and mother had done was try to raise us to respect the things that we and my brother had protested against and done the opposite to.

"I'm sorry" I whispered resting my nose in her hair and letting out some tears where she could not see me...I didn't ever realise how much I had missed her in my determination to avoid her in fear of her yelling and bringing more stress to her state.

"Oh honey, I should be used to this by now but...When there is someone who loves me as much as your father does and to love him back just as mutually – to be separated from him still breaks my heart..."

"Mum, I promise that I will be such a better son for you...I want to be better and that is why I told you in the first place. Punish me for as long as needed...But I will be out for a short time, today..."

"Oh yes, you're going to be with Bella..."

"Don't worry she has forgiven me and honestly we have both become really good friends, now and I do regret what I did to her..."

"Let's not let it affect us, anymore...Watching your father go back to work for the umpteenth made me realise that I can live in a house where I do not have any communication and drive myself insane with loneliness or...We can all start anew..."

"I just don't want you to be disappointed in me..."

"Oh my beautiful boy, I was disappointed with you but...For a couple of days, now...I listen to the CD that you made me with your stunning compositions and know that I have a very talented son and you apologised to me and took responsibility – that is the sign of maturity..."

"You're really not angry with me, anymore..."

"No, all I wanted was for you to try and make it up with Bella because she is such a great young woman and there is a chance for a forever friendship residing in her...She is helping you, obviously her own choice later on today so that means you must be making lee-way..."

"I hope so..."

"Oh sweetheart, I love your father so much...I am aware that the last thing you want to hear is your parents getting cheesy but...He really is my life and, we both had you and Emmett and our own little family and, he still has to leave us which always upsets me..."

"I know you love him, mum...Dad loves you, and he has always thought the world of you..."

"Promise me that you'll find someone who loves you just as much as you do them?"

"In this generation, love isn't possible mum. Lust and attraction are much easier feelings to experience and endure..."

"Love blooms from lust and attraction and, not hanging around with those other life-wasters makes me believe that you can be different and find someone to be at your side for the long haul..."

"I promise I'll try..."

"I do love you, Edward and I am sorry for being so cold with you..."

"No don't apologise, mum...I learnt my lesson and I won't do anything to upset you again...Not now, not ever.."

"Then I am incredibly proud of you..."

~~**~Bella~**~~

"_Edward, please believe me this is not what you think..." Standing in the middle of Seth and Edward, the guy who loved me and the other guy who I was in love with. The cliff hung over the angry rapid speed of the tide beneath us the crashing of the waves and the strength of the wind almost knocking me over into the salt water completely._

_All I knew in the disorientation of not knowing where I was that Edward and Seth each had one of my arms and were arguing over me, I was trying to make the anger on Edward's face disappear because he was the one that I had chosen, my friendship was Seth was over now and there was only us at least in the deepest area of my heart this was utterly true._

"_Bella tell him that it is me you love..."_

"_How can you love Seth Clearwater, Bella when he is nothing but wrong for you...Stay with me?" Oh I wanted to, but Seth's grip was so strong!_

"_I want to be with you, Bella Swan I have since day one when I met you and what was Cullen doing, betting against you throwing you a web of lies and destroying your chance to trust anyone, if anything he needs to stay away from you..."_

"_Don't listen to him, I have been an idiot Bella and there is a small part of my soul that will always regret doing that but there is a place for us in the world and I will do nothing but look after you and be there every time you should need me...That is what friends do, Bella..."_

"_Come on, then Cullen...Keep the macho-man persona and let's settle this properly..."_

"_No, Seth...Edward please don't fight..."_

"_This is the only way I can stay with you, Bella..."_

"_NO...EDWARD DON'T!"_

I shot out of my sub-conscious to a soaking pillow and beads of sweat falling down my forehead, my book of 'Jane Eyre' that I had started to read to try and get some easiness into sleep was on the pillow still folded in the same place that I had finished reading it and crashing down to a restless sleep in the end.

"Bella?"

Mum's voice came from the direction of the opposite end of the room to where my head was and the weight on the bottom of my mattress had, to my surprise not been part of the dream but someone sitting with me in real life, how long had she been sitting there watching me have a very disturbing dream?

"Are you alright, sweetheart?"

Blinking away the cloudiness of my vision and hoisting myself up on my arms to sit down properly on the bed, mum came into view...She was sitting beside my feet and leaning one arm on the mattress to tilt her face to see all of me, I rubbed my eyes and sat up to rest my back on my headboard.

"Mum...What are you doing?"

"I realise that, well okay...Time to be truthful...I am sick of ignoring you..."

"That's a nice way to put it..."

"You know what I mean..."

"No mum I don't. You cast me aside like a bottle of wine and ever since Esme's dinner you have been avoiding me like some kind of disease. When you brought Phil home you acted as if I didn't exist...Do you have any idea about what that felt like?"

"I was going to ask you your opinion about him..."

"What does my opinion matter – no matter what I say he is still going to be around here...?"

"That bothers you?"

"No...Mum what _bothers _me is that I have done nothing wrong and I have been blamed on your side for something that came up because of your behaviour. You're the one who made my private life public and you were the one who spouted the next wedding with Seth and the plan B wedding with Edward..."

"That was ages ago, Bella..."

"So like any good daughter and like you, I shouldn't hold a grudge but actually hold one and find some guy on a street corner with a bottle of beer to bring home and make a fuss of, right?"

"What is with the attitude, what I do and what man I decide to be with is none of your business...When you are under my roof..."

"That is exactly why it is my problem...I am under this roof too and since that bloody night your treatment of me has been awful..."

"That is what I decided to do..."

"Are you even sorry...Are you sorry that you upset _me_ and took the blame out on _me_ for nothing at all...Sorry for bringing this bloke into our home without telling me first that he is around..."

"I don't see why I should have to inform you of anything..."

"You're my mother...My mother and I love you, despite your behaviour and I want what's best for you..."

"Isabella, mind your own business...What I do in my own life is my business and no one is going to speak and attempt to persuade me otherwise, I am in love with Phil...In love with someone for the first time since losing your father..."

"That's fine but, how can you love him when the two of you have only just met..."

"Like I said, this doesn't concern you...I am off out and I won't be back until later...There is food in the fridge if you're hungry..."

Cosmo barked at my mum, which she ignored climbing off my bed and striding out of my room like lightening – what the hell was wrong with her...Again, I was being made to look like the bad guy. All of this seemed hopeless, the situation was a lose-lose situation no matter what angle I tried to fix it...Was there any outcome to put this behind us, was there a need to fix it or just leave it? I was in this house as well but at the idea of having to make small talk with him over dinner one night, of course the dinner that I'd have to make and conjure up because of my mother's lack of creating any wholesome food recipes made me feel physically sick. One because I was a little envious about how mum had found someone to love so strongly after a few hours and Phil, no matter how many times I may scrape to get a bad trait to say about him and announce to the world seemed to like my mother back in return. I wanted to have the guy I loved here, the guy who belonged with me and who was made for me – Edward Cullen.

Thankfully, now my mother and I were barely civilised to each other – there was no opportunity to run to her and blurt out my true feelings and discuss them with her because one, she already had a gut feeling it was going to happen and secondly she was friends with his mother and running the risk of potential conversation between the mothers of the 'bride and groom' and having Edward overhear it was not something I was going to prepare myself to face in the worst case scenario.

Ignoring the encounter with my mother, I hushed Cosmo and picked him up off of the floor where my mother had taken him off of the bed to sit down for how long she had been sitting there and placed his struggling body back on my bed in its original spot and picked up my new towels from the top of my wardrobe and walked to the bathroom.

Closing the door, I fought back the tears of the emotional aftermath and vent of the feelings of the dream away...What shocked me was that it had seemed so real and there are dreams that are very realistic for people at times but this one was down to a tee. Edward had never liked Seth for his own reasons which I trusted, not because I had fallen for him but because he never seemed to use that against me and been honest with his dislike from the very beginning.

Seth I know didn't like Edward, either because of what he had done and of course, back when it happened which did feel like years and years ago rather than some weeks I disliked Edward Cullen as well but things change and people change on a daily basis and my neighbour had proven to me that he could be honest with me and so I was willing to forgive him and now, I have made the right decision.

Basking under the hot water, I lathered up my hair making sure that all traces of grease and dirt washed away because Edward was going to be coming over, strangely I did wish that I had paid for some makeup or some decent tinted moisturiser because being the independent being and the being that cannot follow any kind of trend to fashion, hair and appearance had broken away slowly and for the first time in my life, my feelings are so overwhelming and I was a stranger to falling in love and being in love with someone because of the fear that they might not ever see me in the same way, the rose-tinted glasses thrown away by rejection and what is worse than weeks of pain and wondering why or just keeping quiet. Look at Edward and then look at me, there really is an astounding amount of difference – he comes from parties and alcohol and I come from books and bubble baths, an introvert and an extrovert together in a relationship, have you ever heard of anything so absurd in your life?

'Tanya-Girls' are more his thing and I was never going to be one of them, drop to my knees to pleasure a guy that does not feel absolutely anything for me, perhaps for two minutes when their orgasm takes over their body they can love you but when it is all over there is nothing to hold on to.

After washing my hair and body through thoroughly, I stepped out of the shower, wrapped my wet form in the warmth of the towel and went back to my room, discarding the smaller towel from around my shoulders and wrapping it in my hair. I was going to get ready quickly today and go and make some breakfast because mum may not be here and her little drinking friend may have followed like a sheep but I was not going to let the food go amiss and if they both aren't going to eat anything then I may as well benefit.

Once dressed and my hair tied back so it wouldn't get into my eyes, I walked down to the kitchen and towards the fridge...Grabbing the eggs and milk, at least what was left of them and taking out a mixing bowl and flour before whipping up some pancake mix – whenever there was a moment to be alone in the house I always took out my weariness of the silence out with the sizzling of a frying pan and the smell of batter.

I was nervous about seeing Edward but I hoped to God that everything was going to go smoothly and that he could manage to go back home as soon as possible and leave me alone to dwell on my thoughts. A person like me should definitely find some time to invest in a diary or notebook because all of these things in my head could easily make for a best-seller, one minute I am listing the things that my puppy could possibly want in his pleading five minutes and the next I was thinking of interesting conversation topics to involve myself in with the man that I have just realised has my heart. All along he had been the one to take it and probably slam me back down to reality and rejection if he ever found out.

Reviewers will be anxious to sink their teeth in a seventeen year old's pathetic attempt a writing to gain a life when in actual fact she should be more responsible and make one for herself and pave her own life path.

I sat down and sprinkled a small amount of sugar on top of the pancakes and munched the warm, sweet goodness down my throat and into my wanting stomach and to my dismay this morning in particular my hunger levels have seemed to be higher than usual because most mornings can be done without breakfast but, was it the nerves that now turned me into an utter loony?

This was loony all of this was so damn unnatural and to be in my mind was a nightmare...Stop thinking, _Bella at least have some dignity and pull yourself together because the pretence that nothing was wrong is going to fail very miserably because eagle-eyed Cullen is going to see things that will be unconscious even to you!_ Okay, I was definitely feeling something unusual because I suddenly panicked about what facial expressions I had, what they said and as an outcome try and scrape some self-control.

_What the hell is going on with me?_

Right on cue, the moment I washed my plate and cutlery away and dried them off with a tea towel, the front door bell rang and Cosmo had woken from my room and made his own appearance to our ringer as he bounded down the stairs and barked at the top of his lungs. Mum had mistakenly called it singing and, as much love I have in my heart for Cossie; he had the worst singing voice in history!

"Alright baby..." I soothed him, grabbing him in one arm to stop him from fleeing out into the front garden and opened the door with my other hand and saw Edward there with a crooked smile for me, the foggy morning highlighting the deep green of his eyes and the pale ivory-like tone to his skin. Does he even know that he is so goddamn handsome because I know that every girl is aware of it?

"Hey you!" he said his smile growing wider...

"Hi..."

"Come here..." As Edward opened out his arms and took Cosmo from under my armpit the realisation that he had held the smile for my dog and not for me made me want to smash my head against the wall in my moment of dumbness. Cosmo seemed more than happy to reconcile with his favourite friend on my doorstep but, I had taken the initiative due to how cold the temperature was outside to let him in and throwing me an grateful glance with his eyes he stepped inside a paper wallet folder of some kind hanging under his arm but he seemed too oblivious to anything but my puppy who right now should stop being so irresistible so we could manage to get this shit done and say our goodbyes. I closed the front door.

"Did you want some pancakes, Edward...I have some mix left over..."

"Oh no thanks Bell...I have already had something..."

"A drink then?" _Wow I wasn't being so much of a friend but more like a waitress!_

"No really I'm cool, thank you so...Did you want me to show you the plan?"

"Yeah well you might as well come up to my room..."

I shot a frown at Cosmo who had turned to look at me and on cue, as if he could magically incorporate what I was saying through my face and without my mouth moving he let out a small whine and struggled in Edward's arms before he proved to be too strong and impatient, and almost with his tail between his legs he walked into the living room and never emerged, again.

"Was it something I did?" Edward said with a smile, making a joke. When I was angry at Cosmo for getting all the bloody attention, nothing was a joke.

"He switches sometimes...In mood..." I stammered..._Could you think of another lame lie and excuse there, Bella...Snap out of this shit and talk English Literature...That is stronger than your judgement right now and the fact that you're jealous of your puppy!_

"Let's go..." I turned on my heel and walked up the stairs with Edward following me in pursuit and the two of us stepped into my room, to a made bed this time around and as always, being a tiny little bit on the freakish side when it came to cleaning – clean and spotless.

"So what do you have there?" I asked him, sitting down on my bed and watching him hold the wallet in his hands...Thank God it wasn't a colour that was so bright it needed its own country on the Earth map because those folders did come in fluorescent colours..._Now of course I think of colour...Jesus if this is what love does to my brain the day after I found out...What am I going to be like in a year? I imagine a cat-lady with Cosmo going on to greener pastures with my mother and her chump!_

"I have my plan and my essay..."

"What...You wrote it?"

"Yeah, I mean after seeing you last night and the fact that I couldn't sleep a wink made me want to produce something that you can look at...Please?"

"Oh of course I'll look at it, I mean I was ready to go through all of it..."

"No after seeing you so upset, I wanted to make the workload on you a little less because being a year below me, there is your own work to be getting on with..."

"The gap between our years doesn't matter; technically you're in my year..."

"Don't remind me..."

"Okay, pass it over..." I said with a cheeky smile, taunting Edward in a way before having to lay my eyes on his masterpiece. Being the second highest scoring student in the class built the foundation of expectations high and so, without even looking at the name on top of the paper...I was expecting, against my will to be open-minded to read something that will blow me away.

Taking my time, I read his question...

"You got the same question as me?"

"Yeah, that's why I thought that you could help me..."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't think it mattered..."

"No...I mean it doesn't, Osborn said that everyone had different questions, so why would she give us the same..."

"Bella...I am sorry if I upset you..."

"It's not you, it's Osborn. Say one thing and do the opposite..." I shut myself up of the possible episode that could commence and studied Edward's elegant scrawl.

His handwriting was almost like something out of another world and time-period; his writing alone belonged in the Bronte and Wuthering Heights world even though he was very much a modern guy who excelled with modern things that didn't exist back then. How was this possible? A guy once so consumed in his own image and what other people thought of him can have writing that it so amazing and not only that but read the kind of books that set the milestone for classical literature. Nowadays anyone can write anything and find themselves published.

I had already scanned the first page and wondered then why the hell he had wanted my help, this writing was far above standard and even so, admittedly better than my own because he had gone into so much depth – the depths that I had wanted to go to but was too afraid to go over the word count or risk the points being made to get ignored because of irrelevance to the question. Why did he have to come round here? Make me all disorientated because of the inexperience of feeling like this, so bloody vulnerable and scared and put me through this. Edward didn't need my help; there was no point in reading it anymore because whatever I said would be pointless because the academics he had in the bag, already.

Taking a deep breath, I put the paper even the rest of the pages that I hadn't read back into the wallet and put it between us on the mattress, Edward glanced down at the paper and back up again with a questioning look on his face.

_Don't hate me, please I swear to God here don't hate me!_

"What's the matter?" he whispered causing my heart to break slightly at the tone of confusion and almost hurt..._Did he think I was rejecting this, saying his work was bad...Bella you're not saying anything, speak...SPEAK!_

"Oh...Um...Well...Hmmm..." _The winner of the court jester award goes to..._

"Is there something wrong?"

_Yes, something is wrong...I love you and I can't say it because I am not Tanya Denali..._The image of Tanya's face caused something inside me to hurt and the defeating tears start to built in my stomach._ No, I can't cry now!_

"No...Edward, this is absolutely fine...More than fine...Phenomenal even and there is nothing that I can say that will make it any better..."

"Don't...you're just saying that, please be honest with me, Bella...I need you to be honest..." _Oh no Edward Cullen you really do not!_

"I am being honest, there is nothing wrong with it and there is no need to have feedback, Osborn is going to fawn over this for months on end...Maybe even put it in the newsletter..."

"Bella..."

"Edward, there was no need for you to come round here, you've got it...You understand the book and that is everything..."

"What you're saying is you don't want me around here..." _What?_

"No that's not..."

"Bella, I mean what I did yesterday...I kissed you and I really shouldn't have and, right now taking advantage of you in your vulnerability makes me feel like a prized idiot and I am so sorry for doing that...For having the nerve to do that..."

_What is he talking about?_

"Edward...I don't..."

"Say it Bella, say that you are upset with me and we can sort it out..." _How can I be upset with him...Edward I love you...I love you more so than I ever should and we have both made mistakes but...Those kisses were my oxygen and I can't ever admit to you now that I want you to kiss me again, so much!_

"I am not mad at you..."

"Bella..."

"Edward, are the kisses the reason you couldn't sleep last night?"

"Yes that and other things..."

"Those kisses made me feel better, Edward...I didn't think of it as some kind of move to get into my underwear...Somehow whenever you are around me and emotion becomes too much, the world seems better and you can make me feel better by just one hug and the only other person who has ever achieved that is my mother..."

"Really?"

"Yes and please, don't ever think that I am not telling you the truth because so far, I have been nothing but truthful and honest there is nothing that will change that. This essay is amazing, going to get the top mark above mine by milestones and you do not need my help..."

"I thought I did..."

"Well it's always here, but at least pick a subject that you're worse at for me to help you, with..."

"Bella, how is everything with your mum?"

"We talked but, I didn't get an apology so...The best thing to do now is to forget it and put my head into work..."

"Don't forget it, talk about it because it is going to drive you insane..."

"I know you're going to say that you are here, Edward and I know that, already. Did you want to do something right now?"

"We can go out..."

"Um...Edward you're on punishment..."

"Not anymore" _Huh? Come again?_

"What?"

"Mum and I spoke this morning and she has been impressed with me and now wants to start a new slate so to speak, so we can go wherever we want...I know a great coffee place and perhaps we can catch a film..."

"You want to hang out with me?"

"Of course but, the decision is yours..."

"Okay sure, why not...My mum isn't going to be home for a while and-"

"Can we bring Cosmo?"

"I am not going to leave him, here..."

"Come on, then let's celebrate my freedom!"


	35. Revealing Cards

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

I glanced around absent-mindedly, Cosmo running around my feet with his lead attached around my wrist, Edward peered over at me from the corner of my eye and let out a chuckle.

"No need to look so frightened, Bella..."

"Edward, what is this place?"

"This, little one, is known as a market..."

"So, you mention that we could go out to see a film or grab a coffee in a Starbucks or Costa somewhere in the town centre and the real, secret meaning of those things is a walk around a field market..."

"Cosmo needs to have some place to run freely and not collide with any small children – the park wasn't an option and the last thing we need is a compensation action against us..."

"This for my dog...Not for us humans?"

"Aw come on Bell, where is your sense of fun?"

"I have never been to a market, before...Mum is usually the woman who looks for vintage things..."

"Nothing vintage can be found here, but there are always really good records going for cheap..."

"Records as in, records from decades ago?"

"I collect them..."

"What for?"

"Tell you what...How about we start walking and browsing and you can ask me twenty questions..."

Giggling a little in nervousness, embarrassment and down right stupidity, I buried my hands in the pockets of my zip-up jacket and started to walk, I had never been in a green landscape place like this before, at least what looked like a hulaboo made by gypsies and travellers and this was my mum's kind of world and, looking at Edward and how he was glancing at the stalls of various selling aretfacts with deep enthusiasm and interest before we had even gotten within touching distance to observe. How can he love records – how can someone be so much more interesting at every new fact you learn about them? The reality that Edward loved older things and those things never having any proper value in our generation because of the transition into modern living and possessing was even more interesting to me. I liked different and unique people and Edward was different, so much more different in his truer soul than he performed to his crowd and the rest of the people who can have an opinion earlier in his life.

As we reached the stalls many sellers and barters called out to us but I clutched the lead to Cossie's lead making sure that he was still attached becaus these people are not trustworthy for me and I made the mental note to keep him close by my side and to also have a comfortable distance from Edward because as soon as I touched him, even if it be a small shoulder brush then I would want to throw myself at him, the colour and appearance of his marble, god-like skin was enough from a distance to be desirable. I won't even mention the eyes and hair.

Edward had reached the record stall and a woman with large headphones on a desk with a small cash box was bopping her head to rhythm of the music in her walkman, seeing a walkman and having a glance at it was strange because the technology market and the generation around us had already zoomed ahead and brought the latest thing existing in the fashion trends and that was an iPod. I was lucky enough to own one, not ever used it since my near-death at a car bonnet but, I only owned one because of Tor and no one else. Nothing would make me buy one because my money was needed for better things.

I watched with interest and curiosity as Edward flipped through the covers in the large selection of boxes, the record covers and sleeves so large that it was hard to imagine a piece of machinery ever being big enough to hold a record. Edward became more and more interesting, I had never known that he had liked music – he might have mentioned, either him or Esme that he had played piano for many years but, whether I dreamed that or it is actual truth is the question. My music knowledge was bad, more so than bad...Mortifying would be the more correct term to use and so, scanning the records with Edward or offering my opinion on them was not a comfortable idea to think about let alone do and so it was for that reason that I turned, Cosmo following my every step and scanned the tables of sales near to us.

There were jewellery stalls, clothing stalls and toy stalls all the kind of things on display here in the desserted field were that, that can be sold in general shops but at the same time, I had wanted if ever I were to have children to buy their clothes and toys in an appropriate place because as nice and somewhat crowded as this market was, there was no definite persuasion that the things they sold were safe or even clean.

Many gypsies waved me over but in response I ducked my head and pretended that I wasn't interested clutching Cosmo's lead even tighter in my hand until it went numb because of the fear of losing him to these travellers and what they may do to him if they ever abducted him. I had nothing against gypsies and my mind was going onto reasons and opinions that were very judgemental and in normality there was nothing that I'd ever say to a gypsy or traveller that would make them feel any indifferent to anyone else. The opinions in my mind were the general opinions of my generation and age group that surrounded me and conversations could be heard about different people and the members own opinions on them. It is wrong of me to pick it up but at the same time there was no helping the habit that I must have fallen into.

"What do you mean I get the hermit for an outcome, I have been to many of your kind and never have I got that card...What a waste of money!" A woman's raging voice caused me to lift my up and look ahead of me at a small rounded table, the furthest away from the rest of the stalls and a middle-aged woman who's voice I had heard staring down a woman with a sparkly scarf around her head and metal bangles around her wrists.

The woman without the scarf turned and walked towards me, her ears that could have been hypothetically steaming with anger and her feet banging hard against the grass beneath us like a raging bull...I stopped in my tracks and shifted to the side to let her storm away without getting an injury – being naturally klutzy my skin had gotten into the habit of showing any small knock and my bruise was going to be evident if there was a collision with this angry woman.

My eyes went back down to the floor and a pair of feet, moments later appeared inches from mine and frowning, my head shot back up – the woman was starting into my eyes.

"Don't even think about going to Leah, she thinks that she is a tarot reader and a physcic medium but I have been to better ones..."

"Oh okay, thank you..." I didn't know what to reply so the stammer that came out was admittedly a little lame but the woman smiled at me and walked away just as fast as she left the table and I was left, uncomfortably looking at the gypsy who had made the woman shout. The eyes from her, sparkling with interest and a cheeky smile appearing at the corners of her mouth made me turn around from the left to the right, oblivious to the reality that she is looking at me.

"Come here, little one..." remembering that I did not have any money to my name and that physcic medium's were the very people that my mother had spouted on and could spout on for hours on end about, I felt incredibly inadequate.

Spirituality was an issue where I belonged on the fence, I neither believed or disbelieved and until there was some kind of proof that spirits lived on and did exist in the heavens then there was nothing to make me believe, otherwise. At the same time, I wasn't the kind of person on the fence where my mind was in complete denial about the possibility of having guardian angels converse through mediums and Ouija boards so, if the opportunity ever came up then I'd remain open-minded to a chance. Just because something wasn't set in stone like the male-figure of a God who made the planet Earth in a week didn't mean that I had to rule it out completely and that other people besides me in the world couldn't find some comfort in believing in such things.

Shifting my feet forward, defeating against my mind because my curiosity always won against the better judgement in my head, my head had the woman's words in my mind playing over and over like a broken record but my feet wanted to go and it seemed rud to ignore the gypsy fortune teller.

Holding up an index finger she bent down to the other side of her, the point of the ground where her hand was going to be hidden by the table, itself she came back up and held out a bowl of water and put it down on the ground...I shot her a smile at the gesture of letting my Cossie have a drink and like magic, my dog sniffed at the bowl before quenching his thirst.

My gaze went back to the beautiful gypsy, she had long red nails and a pack of cards out in front of her, these cards were not like normal playing cards. They were tarot cards and the only person who had told me about them was my mother, the cards that can show what is going on in your fate and my mind then was set in watching her shuffle the cards delicately in her hands as if they were precious jewels. There was a collection of rings on both her hands and her hands formed three piles on the table, all the top deck cards facing my way and she turned around in her seat, hitching her leg over her other one and her profile looking at my own straight on.

"Pick one, little dear..." she said to me, intently but a smile on her face – there was a little glint in her eye as obvious as the sun in the sky – had other people seen that when they came to see her? Would I have to pay to pick a card?

Taking a deep breath, I smiled again nervously and bent down using my free hand, letting Cosmo drink and not have to break away from the bowl because of my moving my feet and picked up the card on the very centre deck...I lifted it up in front of me and almost fell to the grass then and there.

On the card was a picture of a couple, a man and a woman holding hands with a sun shining over them with a gathering of angels placed in the sky above them, there was a small section of writing at the very bottom of the card that displayed two words in black elegant print.

'The Lovers'...

"Bella, what are you doing?" At hearing Edward's voice, my eyes still could not break away from the card...What did that mean? It was a card, how could that have some kind of deeper meaning? I breathed in and out slowly, the shakiness of my hand beginning to become evident in the holding of the card and fearful of making it dirty I handed it to the gypsy who took it from me, eagerly and gazed at it and smiled wide...Her eyes shot up to Edward and I scanning us both one to the other. Of course she was going to think it meant us, but come on how can a card show me anything about life? Anything completely truthful about life?

"You pick one, sir..." the gypsy woman said, putting my card face down in her lap and I heard Edward sigh from behind me and he placed one hand on my shoulder and reached down to the table with his free hand in the same way that I had done, myself picking up a card from the far left side of the deck. He held it out in front of my face inches away and we both looked on, I, unable to see the look on his face as it was behind me.

His card showed a man pouring water into some kind of little river with the largest of all stars sitting behind him, the water inhabiting small sparkles.

The print read 'The Star', the gypsy held out her hand and he gave it back to her, what the hell did 'star' mean in the world of the tarot? Was it a good thing? The response from the gypsy was exactly the same smile as she had given me with my own and I was still puzzled as to what she was smiling about, because hell she would know what all of them meant wheras I was an unknowing human to the spirit world.

"Two major arcanas...The angels are looking after you both..." he eyes adverted to me more than Edward who was still behind me, his hands still warming up my shoulder that did not just go past normal 'warmth' and instead went to something so much more, the angels seemed to know what the feeling was and I knew what the feeling was, even the flaming gypsy woman knew the feeling – the only person oblivious to what he was doing to me and frankly the only person that I truly wished to know was Edward Cullen.

"Here you go..." Edward gave the gypsy a five-pound note and she held it up tutted and shook her head.

"A non-believer, you are unknown to many things young one, the advice I can give you is to listen and open your eyes to the world around you...There will be many changes..." I could almost sense Edward's disbelief at the woman's words but, to me, they made perfect sense and they related to me. I wanted to hit her but she had been the only one to speak sense to me and in a small way, give me comfort that my insane change and turn in feelings to Edward were not in vain and they were natural things.

"Come on, Bella..."

"Take care purest one, there is someone deserving of an unconditional whole heart but the respondant can be unsure as to your true meaning unless those words are spoken and the risk is taken..." Edward pulled me away and I mouthed a 'thank you' to the woman for her small service, she had done a lot for me and no wonder so many people were curious and took out the choice of a ritual with tarot cards. Having the experience had made me relate to my mother and how her personality could draw her to the little meaningless things of a fortune-telling and what came with it. Now, it all made sense.

"Please tell me that you don't believe that tommy-rot Bell.." Edward whispered to me, Cosmo following my feet as he had done, before.

"Edward, she gave Cossie a drink, and asked me to take a card...I don't know whether angels exist but it seemed more interesting than browsing records..."

"Don't you worry, I will brush you up on your music..."

"Music means a lot to you and, for me it will never have that kind of meaning...What did you get in the end?"

"A Van Morrison album and a Simon and Garfunkel one..."

"Who are they?"

"That kind of question, if we weren't friends would put me off from speaking to you any longer...Both artists are country, contemporary singers from the sixties..."

"I wasn't alive in the sixties..."

"Neither was I, but their legend lives on still..."

"Right, well I will take your word for it..."

"Come on oblivious one, let's get you some caffeine!" _Oh if only I was the one that was oblivious, for the very first time in my life...I knew what I wanted and had found something that others may never come across in their eternities - you, Edward Cullen are oblivious!_

I walked out of the field, with Edward at my side, the rustling of the carrier bag at his side making small appearances every now and then, I held on to Cosmo who hadn't made any noise since being cooped in the Volvo on the journey, here. Cosmo was an outdoor dog and it was his thirst for adventure and his enthusiasm at being in different places is what scared me in case I did lose him, because it wasn't going to be difficult.

The streets were quiet, the car and our houses worlds away as it took all the strength inside of me to remain quiet and not go off on some pointless conversation topic to hide the nerves at being around my neighbour, anymore.

Why did my feelings have to change?

Why at the change did I want to hide under my duvet and never once emerge again?

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, taking me out of the constant questioning in my stupid over-thinking head.

"Yeah..."

"That gypsy woman got to you, didn't she...Look Bell, those cards don't mean anything, at least not to sane people and there is no proof that bring out any truth in them...The lovers and the star, I mean what the hell do they mean?"

_The lovers mean us...Oh I wished to God, above they did!_

"No...I am baffled but, I wasn't thinking about that..."

"What were you thinking about?" _You...The duvet...Running away, take your pick!_

"School.." _It's so easy to lie!_

"Worried about work or something?"

"No, I always have my work done...I just like to look ahead and wonder what will happen next year..."

"Well, I will be there next year..." _Another year of torturous silence coming right up!_

"I guess we will have to wait and see..."

"Now, Starbucks or Costa?"

"Erm..I don't really know the difference, but the only coffee shop I have been to is Starbucks on the way here when we moved..."

"Starbucks it is, then...Good choice, Bell...I don't like Costa!"

I shot a smile at him, lifting my head and immediately taking my eyes back down to the floor, the streets suddenly got busier as we managed to reach the shops and the various sounds of the cars, people and nature took me away from the dreaded silence and the loudness of my thoughts...I was searching for saviours in the most unlikeliest of places right now, can the angels hear my plea?

After about ten minutes, Edward stopped and faced me, a giant green sign above the shop behind him saying 'Starbucks'. "What would you like, Cosmo can't come in..."

"That's okay, we need to get home, soon anyway so that I can feed him...I had a frapp...Um...I think that's what it was called..."

"A frappauchino?"

"Yes, that's the one, mum got one for me..."

"What flavour was it?"

"Strawberries and Cream..."

"Talk about different, Bell..Medium or large?"

"Oh um..Medium, please?"

"I will be right back, milady..." Edward shot me that infamous crooked smile and turned opening the shop door, the aroma of ground coffee filling my nose from the draught before it went away as he closed it. If there was such a way to take that crooked smile and place it on some clay to mount and frame to my wall then I'd take it in a heartbeat – no matter what the price. No wonder all the girls around me went nuts for him, the types of girls that I will never amount to...I saw the attraction now, wheras, before in my determination to hate him I was blind to the little things that made him so damn handsome. Even now, with my dog as a reminder of my introverted life there was no place for me beside him.

Edward may want to hang around with me, and that would be his choice but there was a gut feeling that I will never be happy with him, the looks that people may give or the remarks that come out of people's mouths...I can picture them – 'why is he with her?'...'Sometimes guys do go for just personality'...All of which can be intimidating and knock the already limited amount of self-confidence away from inside my soul.

I am never going to be good enough for him and it was best, no matter what any card said that attempted to sway me differently to keep him as my friend, rather that than lose him from my life completely as he ran for the hills at the revelation of my heart.

I leant against the wall of the next shop down, Starbucks having windows that showed everyone and everything going on inside of it and Cosmo sat down next to me as quiet as anything as he people-watched the street probably looking for the next victim to hunt for attention and roll over on his tummy...He really can be a vain little sod but that didn't ever stop me from loving him.

"Here you go!" Edward came bounding up with two plastic cups in his hands with green straws sticking out the top and handed me one with the clearest liquid inside of it. "I didn't know they did a Strawberries and cream flavour, I always go for caramel..."

"Caramel...That's too sickly..."

"Sickly and great!" he replied beaming and taking a small sip from his straw, his adam's apple prominently large and visible through the flawless skin of his neck bobbing up and then down as he swallowed. Was there anything about this guy that was merely average, I dreaded to think what was existing underneath his shirt because the definition of his muscles could always seep through the fabric of the shirts he wears, all of them that he has worn have shown what he has underneath it and I have felt how hard his chest is just by hugging him. The image of feeling his skin, the smoothness under my itching fingertips was enough to dry my mouth up so much that no part of the frappauchino could take away.

"So do you wanna go back home?"

"Yes please, if we didn't have the dog then...We could stay..." Edward had walked on ahead of me and I skipped to his side, minding the reality that others could crash into me walking the other way.

"Why did you bring him, then?" Edward said in a teasing way, the teasing being obvious when he fought back his laughter, the shape of his mouth hardening into a line.

"It was your idea..."

"Oh fair enough, I can't win that one..So what do you want to do when we get back home?"

"I don't know whether mum or Phil will be home..."

"You can always come around mine to have something to eat, I have told my mum that I am making dinner anyway and she'd no doubt be delighted to have you join..."

"Oh Edward that's sweet but...I really don't..."

"Bell, I don't think that your mother is going to have a care what you eat...At least for my own sake and conscious as well as my mother's which is identical I might add...Eat with us..."

"I would..."

"The memories are still there, huh?"

"Kind of..."

"I am sorry about that, but Bell...Please...If I didn't want you there, I wouldn't ask and without sounding like a complete self-involved arsehole who is blowing his own trumpet...My mushroom ravioli is somewhat of a hit..."

"To whom?"

"My family..."

I laughed uncontrollably at the strange pride in his voice at the word 'family' it seemed that through his mistakes, Edward still held some respect and love for his family but again, it was strange.

"What's funny?"

"I am sorry...I just...I am finding out things about you, today that I never thought possible..."

"Like?"

"Like...You collect old records and, you make food..."

"Those things are hardly world peace, Bell..."

"When I see you, I never see those things at least I never used to and...It's not weird in a horrible way..."

"Hopefully I will get to find out some hidden things about you as well..." _Not a good idea, Cullen unless you need to get some running trainers out in preparation, then I'd be happy to tell you!_

"Maybe..."

"So will you please have dinner with us, there is only going to be mum and me?"

"Where's Emmett going to be?"

"Out with Rosalie, the guy can spend hours on end with her but, mum is getting over dad going back to the airport this morning and so..."

"Oh, he's gone...I'm sorry..."

"Nah it's not me that I worry about, mum always gets upset and I think that having you there may be a relieving distraction..."

"If you think it will help..."

"You're not there on a therapy visit, Bell and I am not using that excuse to persuade you, we both want to see you..."

"Really?"

"Yeah and, who knows maybe being with us can take away the concept of being with Phil and your mum for a while..."

I pondered for a moment – in a toss-up between the Cullens and my own home, the Cullens won hands down...I had respect for Esme and enough to make me want to help her in an hour of need because losing someone you love is never easy if they have died or have gone aboard once more and seeing the love in her and Carlisle had stuck in my memory above all of the bad things. Of course, I was also in love with their son who also wanted me to be there. All in all this was a win-win.

"What about Cosmo?"

"Trust me, Cosmo is going to find all the love imaginable in the arms of my mother..."

"Then yes, Edward...I'd like that very much..."

"Good!"


	36. Simple Troubles

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Edward, are you sure this is alright?"

I was inches away from the Cullen's front door, finding my hand clutching Cosmo's lead and my arm tightening around his bag of food which we had stopped to get from my house on the way – luckily there wasn't any distance between our houses to make both my hands and arms any significant pain. Edward was opening his front door with his set of keys, glancing back at me before opening it properly because of my somewhat lame question considering how far we both had actually got to.

"Why would I invite you if it wasn't, Bell?"

"I don't know...Pity..."

"That's the kind of person you think I am?"

"No...Look, I'm sorry – It's just...I'd know how I'd feel if some stranger came into my house uninvited..."

"Bella, you're not making any sense, since when are you a stranger and, come on, my mum loves you..."

"Edward, I just feel a little inadequate..."

"What can I do to make you feel better?" _Kiss my eyes, kiss my eyes God damnit! Okay perhaps that was too much to hope for, but the feeling had never gone away!_

"I don't know, crap...I don't know about anything much anymore..." Edward reached out before my brain could register what he was about to do and grabbed my shoulders, the bag of food fell to the ground with a loud thud and the blush suddenly rose to my cheeks...Why is it when I want to be natural and calm and show the kind of attitude where I radiate 'no Esme I am not in love with your son' as a result, the humiliation and embarrassment just keeps piling on and on until I become buried in my own personal hell six feet underground.

Now, Edward had seen my blush – there was no opportunity to turn my head like the previous time in his car where the view from the window became a necessity and his eyes blared into my own, my face undoubtedly looking like a police siren by now.

"Bella, you're red...Calm down..." he whispered running his index finger along one of my cheekbones, the contrast in temperatures between his finger and my cheek was astounding and that gave me the want to cringe at myself because the deep red colour was not attractive in the slightest. At least someone like Edward would never find it attractive or someone like me to be attractive so why the hell am I worrying so much? He can always refer to me as his friend and next-door neighbour who is the spitting image of a raspberry when she feels embarrassment – that much I could manage to live with as long as he was still in my life.

"I promise you, Bella...I never want to make you feel embarrassed and if you want to go back home then who am I to stop you...My mum isn't going to have a cow over this because she likes you very much, we all do in our own ways..."

"Wow, so much for trying to be natural..."

"Bella Swan, you can't be natural because you're not so normal like everyone else...There is always something different..."

"Thanks, Edward Cullen..."

"Now we are on full-name basis and also looking like idiots standing on my doorstep talking amongst ourselves, let's go and see Esme Cullen..."

I couldn't help but slap him lightly on the arm – his mockery and teasing tone of voice wanting my body to react but then, at the same time...I found myself fighting back the desire to laugh heartedly at the jokey banter between us and how our friendship had now come around full circle since all the bad things that have happened are buried deep in the past. I wanted nothing more and needed nothing more than to lay the darkness at rest and maintain it in the shadows of a place no longer accessible in my heart and move ahead to greener grass and sunshine of happiness and contentment...Not so much the dancing through a field of tulips because, let's face it...When does that happen to anyone? The happiness would be just the right amount to live with and to also keep my mental state neutral because, the reality was that depression ran through the bloodlines and embedded within the genes of my family on mum's side and at the moment, my mother's own mental state did not seem above par at least as to what it should be.

As Edward stepped inside, I only a small amount with him because my head was whirling with panic about being in his house without gaining a proper invitation from Esme, herself and Edward may be her son but how was I to know that he was being truthful and the dinner with the three of us shall indeed go ahead. This was where my mind went, I wanted contentment and neutrality but, look at me...I think good things about situations and the people in my life one moment and then, suddenly out of pure habit annoyingly so...There is always a part of me that is looking for a clause and a reason to fight against any offer I may have been given. If Edward were to turn around throw me against the wall and whisper his confession of seeing me more than just a friend, my heart at the mention and honestly just thinking about his confession in nothing but pure fantasy should for definite, elate to about ten times its original size but then, I'd look for a catch...Was it a dream or is it another bet he has going on? Of course the last catch is down to what had already existed but why do I want that standing in the way when the mere drive to forget it had been hard work enough as it is.

"Coming in for a landing, Bella?" Edward's question echoed in my head before my eyes came back to reality and broke away from the spot on the stairs where my day dream had taken me. I smiled nervously and kicked off my shoes following him into the kitchen, the landing meaning to sit down or in my case, take off my shoes at least. What was the matter with me, I needed a psychiatric ward, a ward that specialises in hearts gone wild and morals gone missing – that shouldn't be too hard to find now should it?

Edward flipped the kettle and it took all the strength and restraint inside of my soul not to observe his actions as he moved to get some cups, the interest that he created in me an interest that went from beyond just observation but more into a utter need to understand him, why does he walk the way he does...Why do his long, tantalizing fingers move so eloquently and softly to everything he touches when in hindsight he radiated nothing but masculinity and power. Edward had a power over me, a power so strong that I barely recognised myself, whenever I looked into a mirror putting on my usual dab of moisturiser had turned into gawking at my reflection like a piece of fantastic artwork in a museum. The same, drone and lifeless stare had now been possessed to my own goddamn reflection. No matter how many times you can tell yourself to be yourself and not be swayed by your heart, the more of a fool you look like in the end because the one person who takes your heart is the one person in the beginning depending on the female individual in question you cannot hope to possess and take as your own. Men aren't the latest jumpers in winter or the sunglasses in the heat, as much as those items are necessities they are not things that everyone can have – money is needed to buy jumpers and sunglasses and patience and clever guessing is what is needed to get the person your heart belongs to.

"Bella, what on earth are you thinking about?" The one time, the only time my head had gone off on a journey since being at the tarot card stall is when Edward was standing in front of me handing me a cup of hot tea, the aroma strong from the steam coming from the top – damn timing!

"Sorry, um...Nothing really..."

"Bella!" I almost dropped the cup that Edward had given me both from the heat and also the startling that Esme's calling of my name had jolted through me...I turned my head and saw her kiss Edward on the cheek and beam closing the distance between us and hugging me, a little awkwardly considering I had Cosmo's dog food on my lap and a cup of tea in one of my hands. "How are you, sweetheart?" she exclaimed warmly.

"Fine..."

"Oh and you brought little Cosmo, oh if Carlisle hadn't had that traumatic experience when he was a young boy, we may have a little beauty just like you..." Cosmo was milking up the attention from Esme, like every animal there was an essence of vanity and pride in his soul and of course, any person who offers free tummy tickles is a keeper much like Esme was immediately to my baby boy. I smiled at the floor, Cosmo struggling on the lead and tugging on my wrist and arm, Esme giggled and lifted him up into her arms, glancing at the joining of the lead and then to me, asking permission to release him...With a sigh I nodded and she undid the lead and amused herself with the puppy as Edward sat down opposite me also smiling at the scene before our eyes.

"I haven't seen mum this happy outside all of the times my father comes home...There is something about that dog, Bella...It has magic powers..." Cosmo definitely had an ability to wrap anyone around his little finger, not really anyone but the people he liked and sensed were good – I was under his spell as always...Although, whether I was under Cosmo's or Edward, maybe even both of them was the more burning question.

"Did you need any help with dinner?"

"Have you ever seen guests help with dinner?" he replied, smirking at my attempt to help him...Why was a guest helping a host such a laughable image...I had always helped people at get togethers and dinners not our own of course but for our neighbours up North...Is that kind of service not done down here?

"I used to help people..."

"Bella, you always help people...How about this time you take the helping hand off and enjoy the free time with my mum..."

"Edward, I don't know what to talk to her about..."

"What?"

"Like, come on...The only times she has ever been around me is when my mother has been here, my mum did most of the talking and so...Now, I know why I was so grateful to her because she did not have to think of interesting conversation topics at the click of two fingers or on the spur of the moment. Something that I, now realised that I had no instinct for, then again...If I were with Edward and I did have the ability to improvise and think in the moment, a mere millisecond that knowledge would have been torn away anyway with my being lost in the ever so capturing and consuming beauty of his evergreen eyes.

"There is something else that's bothering you here, Bella...What else is wrong?"

_Either he was very intuitive or he actually knew about something in my life..._

"Nothing...Nothing else is wrong..."

~~**~Edward~**~~

Bella had been acting very strangely ever since we came back from the gypsy market, perhaps it was the wrong decision to take her to a place where she had never shown her face before and maybe felt a little inadequate, but my decision for our outing was to go somewhere different, somewhere other than the stereotypical cinema or restaurant – Bella Swan was not a young women for 'general' or 'identical' – her sources of entertainment contrast to what other females may want.

As my neighbour sat down in front of me, her constant worrying about being in my house without receiving the proper invitation from my mother almost had the laughter coming out of my mouth – not laughter aimed at her but just at Bella's inadequacy and misplacement, even when my mother was dancing around her shining happiness from her outer shell so much that it could blind someone else and smothering her puppy that didn't seem to be enough to put Bella's mind at rest. Perhaps we needed a sign...Saying welcome, Bella...But then again, she didn't look like the person who had ever liked or dwelled in the contentment surprises and unexpected actions can bring.

Every moment she was in my company, Bella became – believe it or not, more and more interesting and now, when something was pressing on her mind so much that it cannot be hidden from the outside eyes and visuals of my mother and I, if I have picked this up already then my mother had done it quicker, hawk eyes and eagle ears and dare I say, lioness instincts were the sources of my mother's powers. Gazing at the mysterious Ms Swan always sent my mind and emotions into a wheel-spin, no guaranteeing the definite feeling inside of me or being able to name it.

"Now, Bella...Why don't we go into the living room and leave my son to do the woman's job..." Mum sent a girly but proud smirk in my direction and reached out and took Bella's hand as if her skin was her only life saviour left in her living days, Bella looked a little bent out of shape in her expression but then again, my mother's spirits were definitely better than earlier on in the day – was that down to Bella?

I couldn't control the smile on my face as Bella shot me one last 'help me' look and disappeared out of the room at the forceful hand of my mother – someone who could manage to make that smile appear on my mum's face after the trauma that is still so very raw inside her soul from my dad going back home is a keeper. I intend to keep Bella in my life one way or another because; if it wasn't my choice it can be someone else – that someone else being my mother. A force to never be reckoned or compromised against is Esme Cullen's soul. I know that better than anyone, along with my elder brother.

A part of me was pleased that Emmett wasn't here, he was never going to make a choice outside of spending time with his own girlfriend and that was a saviour in itself because God knows what thoughts and ideas should circulate in his slightly perverted mind at the image of Bella being here with us, 'making lee-way' was going to be his reason for ogling at Bella and analysing her actions behind her actions. Emmett wasn't intelligent but he was proud and woe betide any individual outside of his own family that states he is wrong and miles off the mark with his own guessing and immediate assumptions. He wasn't here to pick on me or to piss me off because the wrath from me was not going to be a reality he'd live with...Not unless he had Rosalie to wrap him up at the end of the night.

Ignoring the actions I'd take against my brother if he were here, because he wasn't...I got started on the dinner and got the ingredients needed from the fridge suddenly wanting to have my own music blaring from my iPod dock because of the sad and ancient tunes coming from the walls of the front room and seeping through to the kitchen's. This was now mum's time to introduce Bella to either the wonders of musicals or the angelic visuals of romantic films through historical means and plotline.

Better her than me...

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Now Cosmo, you and your mummy take a seat!" Esme chirped gesturing to the seats, the sound of some jolly and chirpy tunes coming from the stereo that she had managed to turn on in her skipping to various places – how could someone possess so much energy? Even I, on a good day did not have as much and I suddenly wished to become the same person with the same persona as Esme then and there, her being so chirpy had reminded me that my own attitude at the present moment resembled that of a wet blanket!

"Esme...I don't..."

"Oh sweetheart, there is no need to tell me that you're feeling inadequate, I know that look better than anyone but as Edward's guest and a person who we both want to have here tonight...Is there anything I can do?"

"You are being too kind..."

"It's the least I can do; you're providing me with a much needed distraction..."

"I am sorry about Carlisle leaving..."

"If anything the feeling of loss should be made normality but, when it's someone you love Bella seeing them leave you will always cause incredible pain..."

_I didn't feel like disclosing to Esme that I already knew a little of what that felt like, already and the person is no other than her youngest son!_

"Well...I wouldn't know..." _Why do you have to go and say something, Bella? Way to make it look like it is actually true and that those feelings are around me right now! Sometimes there are times when you need to shut up!_

"Really?" Esme raised an eyebrow; a small smile appearing on the corners of her mouth, I wanted to ignore it but the look was so similar to that of my own mother's that a sudden splurge and temptation to bear all became a new obstacle to face.

"Yes..." I answered putting up a barrier and straightening my posture, I may not be the best actress in the world in terms of lying but a one-worded answer was much easier.

"Hmm...Well, how about you and Cosmo sit down...Let me get your drink and I will be back in a moment..."

"Oh, look..."

"Bella, sit...I will not take no for an answer..." At her demand, all I could do in response was hunch my shoulders back over in the defeat flashing before my eyes and sink to the cushions, Esme put Cosmo in my lap from her arms and walked gracefully out of the room...I fiddled with my puppy's ear in one of my hands as he rubbed his moist nose along my fingers and then brought his tongue out to kiss them. A gesture so small but it seemed to warm my heart so well.

"What am I going to do, Cossie?" I whispered solemnly to him, he was my only friend right now and being an animal there is no risk to have an answer given by a passerby or an eagle-eared parent.

Cosmo's eyes looked up into mine and he pushed his head against my moving hand gently, a sign that he usually gave to me when he intelligently had an answer but at the same time afterwards wanted to have penance for – an occasional stroke here and there for listening to one question, mum must have given our puppy countless showers of attention because my answer, to her would be a massive discussion – seeing as Cosmo was there it seemed fitting to have him listen rather than the four walls of our house.

Sighing, I rested back against the back sofa cushions and closed my eyes, listening to the song change and allowing the melody to wash over me and attempt to relax me in a still prominently awkward situation.

Why does everything have to change when emotions do?

~~**~Edward~**~~

The mushrooms and the sauce were both steaming nicely, making a welcome smell to the kitchen, it felt strangely nice to pull out a finger and make some food, again...At one time against my show to other people in school cooking was a hobby I enjoyed because of the relaxation it could bring to a stressful day.

"Edward..."

Mum's tone was straight-forward and a to-the-point discussion was already there on the cards from the moment she had said my name, I took a bag of pasta out of the cupboard, the parcel kind because the real name had escaped me and turned to mum who had one hand balanced on the counter near me and the other on her hip. _This can't be good!_

"Yes?" I answered giving her a smirk in familiarity of her posture, when mother has a point she radiated it minutes or hours before she verbalised it – whatever it was, but I had the sneaky feeling that it was about our little visitor.

"Tell me your exact thoughts when bringing Bella back here..."

"Mum, she has been going through a lot and no thanks to me for the majority of her bad luck and so...I wanted to do her a favour..."

"Edward Anthony, as much as I love you...Your attitude over the last few years have been for yourself and yourself, alone with only your intentions in your head..."

"I know, but this is me trying to redeem myself..."

"So, there must be a great deal of care for our next door neighbour..."

"Yes, I care about her...I have never cared about anyone outside of my own family as much and the change is a nice thing..."

"I'll say..."

"What are you trying to say, mum?"

"I am not saying anything..." at her intentional coyness and avoidance of what she truly was thinking because, she is my mother and children know their parents better than anyone else – at least I did. I stroked her cheek with one of my hands and pursed my lips.

"Now, mum...Don't lie to me..." I said shifting my eyes to both of hers, to the floor and back again hoping to retrieve some victory on my side at her answer.

"Are you going to stand and there and tell me that there is nothing going on with you and Bella Swan..."

"No, but I can tell that you want them to be..."

"She is hiding something, something that may be causing her inner pain and turmoil – has she said anything to you?"

"No, we don't really talk about things that matter deeply to us...That is what good friends do and as much as I want to be a great friend to Bella, better than just good...We are not at that place, yet..."

"Well..."

"Why don't you ask her, come on you're better than me at this kind of thing, being a woman as well..."

"Very well, but if I didn't love this turn around in your personality, I'd tell you to get your butt in there and find out whatever you can..." With one sloppy kiss to my cheek she glided back out of the kitchen with Bella's abandoned cup in hand.

With a smile I poured the pasta into the spare pot of hot water and carried on the ends of the dinner, wondering then about what the conversation was going to entail.

Time to think of some decent topics...

~~**~Bella~**~~

Esme's departure had led me to pace the room, scanning the various picture frames and photos inside of them that I had never noticed before now. There was Edward, Emmett and Carlisle...Along with a rather stunning family portrait clearly professionally done where a model family would look upon in complete jealousy, even I was jealous at how happy they had all been captured brilliantly by the photographer.

"Nice picture..." I gasped at Esme's voice causing her to smile at the sudden effect she had on me, "sorry honey, I didn't mean to scare you..."

"That's alright; yes well...It's beautiful..."

"I have some more that you may be interested in..." without letting me answer she got down onto her knees and rummaged through some kind of cupboard at the far side of the room and pulled out a pile of three folders in her arms and stood back up, a little slower but managing to succeed and plopped herself down on the sofa, and tapping the spare seat next to her with a free hand. I followed her suit and minding Cosmo asleep on the very far end against the arm of the sofa, she sighed and opened the first folder, the guess of it being a folder shooting to pot when there was a selection of photographs set within the pages and clear holders to stop any smudges or dirt ruining them.

"Now, this is Edward's book, where I have kept a photograph for every year he has been born, from when he was one year old to about a year ago..."

_What a way to make the day go even better...A selection of Edward and no one but Edward...Oh someone help me!_

"There he is at two years old, at his piano...He is a sensational musician in the making but, his choices as he grew up led him to neglect any hope of becoming a songwriter and musician as he had wanted to all the way through his childhood..."

"He plays piano?"

"Oh yes, he wrote the most amazing compositions, he wrote one for me when he was thirteen for my birthday..."

"Really?" Edward as a secret and closet-hidden musician made me feel more for him, anyone who could find some way to express themselves in such a beautiful way as simple classical music without the general beat that exists in music nowadays was a given.

"Yes, perhaps I can persuade him to play it for us...Before dinner...Oh that is what I shall do!"

Esme rose from the sofa as fast as lightening and ran out of the room to the kitchen, my face flushed heat and rosiness was inevitable, did I say or disclose that I had wanted to hear him play, I was curious I mean that I cannot deny but, it actually happening is going to send my heart into places that I did not want to go to.

I stood up, my legs shaking more and more beneath me, threatening my balance and it was mere seconds before Edward came back on Esme's arm his face flushed but for a different reason, that of the oven and steam from cooking. He wasn't embarrassed and foolish much like me right now.

"Now, sit over there...Bella wants to hear you play!" Esme chirped slapping her son's shoulder much like a way a sister would do to her older brother when the act of persuasion is used. Sometimes, Edward and his mother did not have the general mother and son relationship that is stereotypical in the world there are moments in their company where they have fun and entertain one another on a friendly level and not one of a mentor to a mentee or disciplinarian to a learner...There were no words to witness it, endearing would be the better word.

"Mum...Come on, I have to finish dinner..."

"If it burns then we can have a takeaway, I want to hear you play..." Esme shifted her body to the sofa and pulled my dog in her lap and made herself comfortable. My eyes went to Edward and he shrugged and walked to the piano hidden away at the far end of the room, frankly I had not seen it at all since being in here but my analysis when being left alone had not gotten very far with Esme, bless her heart trying to get the most distraction possible from the existing yearning of her heart for her husband.

I watched Edward walk to the piano and lift the lid taking his seat on the stool hidden by the impressive instrument and only his feet visible inches from the carpet stepping onto the pedals.

"This is something new...I have finished writing it and I need to know what you think..." he introduced so confidently, putting his vulnerability to the test and fate of our opinions. I'd never put my own work out there to someone else in my own fear to have it rejected but as Edward composed himself strengthening out his fingers, no doubt a little rusty from playing in his childhood and the amount of times he must have spent at the piano once upon a time.

I pursued my lips, the emotion at the waiting to hear his music getting to me, the first few notes on the higher scale began slowly and the sound filling the fibres of the room, drowning out the sound of the music player which had been so loud before this moment...There were no words to what I was thinking because my mind was a scrambled mess now, Edward's focus was entirely on the keys and his eyes no longer sparkled into my own. The notes got longer and he began to speed it up and my eyes went to Esme who had begun to show signs of choked sobs and tears.

The music was beautiful, more so...Stunning, even that word wasn't enough description we were not even five minutes into the melody and my eyes and tears began to open up and the water fell down my cheeks.

All resolve went out of the window, simple mindedness and the need to gain some self-control all dragged me down into the depths of emotion.

Of course he was amazing, he was always going to be amazing and how could I have doubted it because the doubt had never came in my head – he was always going to be the most amazing person to me, on a pedestal so high that absolutely no such person could ever be placed that high.

This was the rose tinted glasses, the love being blind that nothing he could do was wrong and, he was so oblivious to what was inside my heart that my head screamed at me to tell him or to scream at him to take that one look and have the ability to see me. I mean really see me.

Wiping away the tears frantically at the back of my hand...I ran over and took my dog from Esme's lap and the piano stopped abruptly, Edward indicating that he had seen me and nothing stopped me, then...I walked out of the living room and ran into the kitchen taking the bag of dog food, never used and sprinted out and put my hand on the doorknob when a hand came out to stop me, placing on my own.

"Bella, what's wrong...Why are you crying?"

"Edward you're playing was beautiful but, I don't feel right..."

"I was going to say who inspired that piece...Don't you want to know?"

"No, please I need to go home, thank your mum but...Please..." My tear-filled eyes gazed into his and my heart sank ever so slightly at the pain reflected in his. With a defeating nod he released my hand and I opened the door and stepped out into the open air clutching my dog for dear life as I walked the small distance from his door to my own.

I halted at the front door being ajar and turned to see my mum's van in the driveway and I rushed inside putting down Cosmo once I closed the door securely.

"Mum?" I called out, keeping the emotion away from my voice so as not to startle her...As my voice echoed through the walls of the house, I saw mum emerge from the kitchen with her arms wrapped around herself, her gaze on the floor.

Panic soared through me as I saw her persona, she seemed upset and something must have happened...I opened my mouth to say something when I watched her lift her head and the sudden darkness of her right eye caused my heart to leap into my throat, her eyes puffy with shed tears.

"Hi Bella..."


	37. Contrasting Worlds

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Hello Bella!"

_My mother is harbouring a black eye and all she can say is 'hello'!_

_There is something that has happened here and I will not sleep until I find out. _Was it bad enough that I have literally ran away from Edward and his mother like some wild animal finding greener pastures in another animal of prey but now, looking like a swollen-eyed mess in front of my mother who could not look any farther from normal. That is all there is in my world!

"Mum, what happened?"

With a small feather-like touch to her eye and cheek with her fingertips, mum smiled at me using only one side of her mouth so as a result the smile ended up looking more on the sexy, persuasive side rather than a genuine one. What kind of man was going to find a black eye sexy anyway? No sane one! "Oh baby, Phil and I had some disagreement-"

"Phil hit you!" I almost shouted, the anger building in my torso as to how the drunken bastard with no real job and no proper pay cheque had the balls to hit a woman and not just any woman that he picks up and bangs on the street – my own mother!

"If you'd let me finish...Phil and I had an argument with a few idiots outside the pub yesterday...They had all had too much to drink and I was not in the best state but...Honey you should see them, Phil and I completely battered them!"

My mouth flung open...Mum had never been a violent person nor had she ever condemned or justified the act of violence from others – now she was with a new person, a person and individual who at the moment didn't seem so far from her old boyfriend Ben, at least the one that she had made the decision to run away from tagging me along with her, of course. Mum's mood had picked up possibly from the adrenaline of using her fists but she was still changing.

"What ever happened to the phrase of, violence is never the answer?"

"Oh well...The only people who ever use that sentence to spout to their children or to people that they care about are the individuals living in a dog eat dog world who have never grown some balls – females and males to actually ever use their body in self-defence..."

"Mum, _you _were one of _those_ people...A few months ago maybe even less than that..."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Now there is a care-free attitude when the only reason others ever admired you was because of the disciplinarian attitude with only a small amount of fun, the balanced parent and do not turn round and tell me that no one has ever said that, I have heard them..."

"People change, now can I make you some hot chocolate you don't look so good..."

"Life cannot be made better with hot chocolates, mum...Where's Phil...Hiding upstairs?"

"He's away for the night..."

"Well that makes a change..."

"Excuse me?"

"What's happened, mum...Yesterday and two weeks prior you have been gradually going off on me and being emotional never helps because I, in return feel helpless because the words of 'you're supposed to be the daughter' and 'you know nothing about life' ring through my head and then, I want to hit myself for thinking that I could manage to be a good daughter to a mother who never wants to speak to me, or even acknowledge I am in the same room-"

"Is this another lecture, Bella because they're getting old?"

"Do you think I _like _giving my own _mother_ a lecture – this is all down to one thing-"

"I know you don't like Phil, Bella...It is written all over your face whenever he is around you and in the same room, being a stupid cow you were never good at being discreet..."

Once again, the name-calling and the belittling came up and there was nothing to stop the threatening tears filling my tired and already-emotional eyes at the sting of hurt in my heart – mum looked angry and she had never looked at me with that kind of expression since being with this new boyfriend who frankly she has no right to call a boyfriend at all.

"I am the stupid cow, I am the stupid cow for wanting to get rid of this bloke who, at some level changes you and everything that you have believed and cared about. The wrecking of a family-"

"This family was already broken..."

"That makes it sound like I am to blame for dad _dying_...Mum, I miss dad every day, I miss him standing in the middle of arguments and hearing both sides and now, what is there left to do...I am constantly worrying and screwing up my head over my own issues as well as what is going on here..."

"Don't stand there and make me look like the child, look like the person who cannot be cared for. When you know what love is-"

"See...There, that's the snag...I already know what love is, what I believe it to be and all the words I can possibly sum up for it are never going to be enough. Scary, that is what love is to me and if we were on more polite terms and if our life together was back to how it was without Phil then you'd know that...I still want to tell you things, mum..."

"If you want things to go back to normal then you have to accept Phil..."

"How can I do that when you have come home with a black eye and disclosed a little too confidently that last night was spend beating people up-"

"Why should you stay under this roof, if you hate it so much...Hate the fact that I am happy and you're not..."

"I am ecstatic that you have found someone but mum, he is not the kind of guy that I want to be around us because of the influence he may have over you...Do you think that I do this because I just hate you, because I do want to leave that badly because...The truth is, I don't want to leave. This is our home that we ventured to live in together and, you speaking to me like this makes me believe that you'd rather have Phil than me..."

I couldn't control the breaking of my voice, the pedestal of strength to speak to my mother and to run through the obstacles that have hit me in the face quite literally from her remarks and basic brushes-off from the issues that are building at hand and constantly continue to stand there and defend him and never once seem to acknowledge some understanding to the points that I have made. I understand her, I understand that love can consume a person that in the end they do end up breathing just to see the object of their affections if only for a second to light up their day but, this kind of love and attraction is a dangerous ground for my mother because of how contrasting her personality is to Phil's and how I, as her daughter and the life that she looked after for nine months and brought into this world and raised for a good seventeen has now decided to want to have a life without me – this shit hurt and now, I wasn't going to keep the emotion away any longer.

Mum however, didn't look so emotional, just standing there with both her hands on her hips probably wanting me to apologise for something that she had managed to do and create all on her own – she was the person who didn't even tell me that she was seeing anyone in the first place, she hadn't even invited him around properly so that the both of us could meet under the right situations and circumstances rather than through stupid jokes about Edward and I or under the influences of alcoholic beverages in a bottle. The real reason was the way that this had been done, Phil can live his own life and make his own decisions because inside I was certain that is what he had always done but why couldn't mum fight for us both to get onto better terms, fight for the chance for a family of three again – it wasn't impossible.

"What do you want me to say, Bella?"

_What does she want me to tell her to say? What kind of shitty question is that? This is my mother and she should have the politeness to say something other than that! Tell me at least that she was sorry, sorry that we are disagreeing right now and maybe make and wipe a new slate clean. Was that going to happen, something inside my soul told me that there wasn't going to?_

"What do I want you to say...Mum, do you think that I am a machine...That I can bear whatever happens to me because I have gone through my father's death. I may be going into the late teens in age, mum but the world scares me – feelings scare me and the new emotions that every new day can bring scare me...I want to have someone there, I need my mother there for me when I get home to cry on her lap and make absolutely no sense because of the frantic sobs flying out of my system but then her still understanding my meaning. Just like I want to be there for my mum when a day is bad and she needs someone to take her anger out on. Isn't that what family is all about, mum honesty and communication. You bring in this new guy, who I have no scruples with as a person but just how he wants you to act and behave and – love isn't about changing yourself it's about accepting yourself and liking yourself because of what the man's love can make you become...You want me to go then, hell I am going to go. What's the point in being in a house where no one sees you except a drunken old biker dude with no real aspirations or goals? I may still be in education but at the same time there will be opportunities out there and none of them involve playing at an 'open- mic' night for years on end hoping to get discovered..."

I was sobbing by that point and mum's stance hadn't changed, not even a little bit and still clutching my dog to my chest – my hand and arm at this point a little more shaky than they had been on the marathon sprint over here, I barged past mum and ran up the stairs and into my room slamming the door and wasting no time to get to my wardrobe and pull out my small suitcase and the hidden stash in one of my memory boxes of my savings since my eleventh birthday, this was going to be enough to find some kind of B&B or hostel to spend the night at least to have another plan or to find some long-lost relatives of my parents on either side. I already knew that I was too old to go into an adoption or fostering programme so my tactics from now on were going to be finding some kind of four walls and a ceiling to stay in and to find my puppy a better home. If mum had made the decision to neglect me then I was not going to have her neglecting Cosmo on my conscience. There was only two people that could manage looking after my puppy and who I'd feel safe having them in the same environment – that was Edward and Seth. Considering how badly and awkward things had been brushed over with Seth and I since the two of us hadn't spoken since we let things go. The only person left was Edward and honestly, my trust with Edward had increased more and more since things had gotten better in a twist of fate and a spin on the wheel of fortune –well, he was going to be the only person I'd trust with my beloved puppy, I couldn't take him with me because of the instability and how can I afford his food when at the current time, I didn't even have any idea about how much a night in a run-down old place was.

Sniffing and ignoring the reality of my tears falling down my face entirely and onto the floor beneath me and threw my suitcase onto the bed, shoving all my clothes off of the hangers and into the case along with my shoes from the bottom of the wardrobe, not caring about their neatness or appearance – a change for me all the same. Who can imagine moving out of their house when not even at the legal adult age and going somewhere new and unexpected – perhaps the more spontaneous type of people rather than someone like me, who is so sheltered that moving out of this house already made me feel so very scared.

This was wrong – on all levels on both mine and my mother's parts but, as stubborn as I truly am in soul I would even admit that not all of this new development was my own doing and – well, I could not be in a house where I came last to a man. Mum had always been a little scatty naturally but whenever she was with a man, even with Ben the last failure she was never this bad. Phil had paved the way to her heart and rather live on my own and make the choices for myself than work any situation around mum and her new 'conquest'. So much for parents and their constant care to their children. If I were ever to have children, no matter what happens they were always going to come first and that was a fact already in place years off the actual reality of giving birth to a baby.

I grabbed all my school things and all the other trinkets, photos of my father and I as well as some more sentimental items to boot – I zipped it closed not forgetting my school bag on top so that my day on Monday was not going to have a side of suspicion along with the usual shitty emotions that run through my system on a usual day.

Cosmo was looking up at me, probably a little confused as to what was going on and looking into those big, gorgeous brown eyes caused a slight pang into my heart at the fact that I was going to have to leave him.

Ignoring the pain and making my face look even more like a mess, I sprinted to my bathroom and took out my wash bag filling it with my shampoo, conditioner and toothbrush and toothpaste – all the necessity things that may not be needed in my new accommodation but at the same time, just because I was leaving my home did not mean that my personal hygiene had to be shot to shit. A girl can still wash, somehow and if it was going to be in some river or a small fountain somewhere than I was going to do anything it takes to prove to my fearful side that I can manage on my own out there in the massive, cruel and undeserving world in which we live in.

I put my wash bag in the case, not able to fit anything else inside of it and opened my blinds, lifting them up completely because let's face it, there was nothing for Edward or any of the Cullen's to see apart from my beautiful, warm and comfortable bed which was now going to be left behind along with my memories and security – taking one final look around my now deserted room and picked up my dog with one hand and hauled my suitcase to the floor with the other and dragged it out onto the landing and held the case up whilst I managed, so very hard to ignore my clumsiness and managed to walk down the stairs and into the small hallway – there was only a small distance now between myself and the front door when mum emerged from the kitchen.

"What do you think you're doing?" her eyes adverted down to my case for a moment and at Cosmo in my hands and a frown appeared, merging her eyebrows together.

"I am going away..."

"Hey baby girl...Dinner is nearly ready!" The unmistakable sound of Phil's voice echoed from the other room and all my answers were there in front of my eyes. It didn't take mum long to bring him over and bad-talk me into being the perpetrator in the web that she had managed to weave – I was going to be bad-mouthed now for something that I have never done. Shaking my head at the confirmation of my deepest thoughts, I walked into the kitchen watching Phil sing to himself, quite badly I can now manage to say inside my own head in confidence that it was never going to be heard by an outsider and ignored his sing-song greeting to me and grabbed Cosmo's bag of food, lord knows how I was going to manage all of these things but God is my witness I was going to manage and find myself independently. I was not wanted here and no one was going to stop me. I already had some savings in a little box I had packed and so, I had enough to get me by for a few days at least until I looked for employment to secure myself financially.

I ignored Phil even more as he continued to ask me questions falling on my selective deaf ears and hauled my emotional behind out into the hallway balancing the bag under my arm and grabbing the case with the same hand.

"You're not serious, Isabella...Why don't we talk about this?"

"We're done talking...I am never going to be wanted in this house and I am never going to come second to him in the kitchen. Not now, not ever..."

"Bella..."

"Goodbye, mum...Have a nice life with your new man...But you better have one day in the future where you realise the damage that you have left behind and the reality of the abandonment of your daughter..."

Saying nothing else in fear of a complete breakdown...I opened the front door with my foot, luckily the door being ajar anyway because that is the kind of affect that Mr. wannabe Van Morrison in there has on my mother and her own personal security and walked out of the door, never once looking behind and stepped out into the open air and walking down towards the Cullen's house, but using the side entrance that I had noticed in my visit earlier today so that mum could never latch on that our dog was now in their care. It seemed stupid to leave him with them but there was no other choice, mum couldn't even close the front door properly so how was she going to look after our beloved dog as well?

Sniffing the tears and putting the case down, I knocked on the door heavily with my free hand and was a little taken aback when it was answered by the one person who held the care to my dog.

Not to mention my own heart...

Edward.

"Bella, what are you doing?" his eyes, like my mother's moved down to the case beside my leg and I cleared my throat, needing to keep this explanation simple and at best, understandable.

"I am going away, Edward...Moving out if you like and I don't want anyone to stop me...My mother has a new man and seeing as she can manage to get into fights and harbour black eyes leads me to believe that she will never have the ability to look after our dog. Can I please leave him with you?" II held out little Cossie as his breath hitched at the sight of the guy that we both held love in our hearts for his tongue hanging out at the same time.

"Wait, you're moving out?" Edward looked bewildered, shocked even but I was not going to have anyone stand in my way, I was not going to accept the offer to move in with him because I already knew that it was going to come out of his mouth, especially if his mother had any wind of it and this was a new start – God knows where but it was a start all the same.

"Please just don't tell your mum, at least not for now...I know this is too much to ask but, you're the only person that I can trust Edward and, my dog needs to have proper care and I am not the person to give that to him at least not right now..."

"Bella this is ridiculous..."

"Yes and try saying that to my mother, but she has made her choice and now has to sleep in her bed...I am never going to come first to Phil and so, I can accept that now. I am not wanted, Edward..."

"That's not true..."

"The evidence would suggest otherwise, look please look after him...Don't try and find me, don't do anything – I won't have a phone as it is at home and after my spectacular leaving it's not the wisest plan to go and get it, again. I will be in school on Monday as if nothing has changed...Please; I just need you to do one thing for me..."

"I can't believe it, I want you to at least stay here with us, _and with me_ until we can manage to help you get this sorted..."

"I know, you're such good people, you and your family, and your help is not what I deserve – I couldn't ever take hospitality from the individuals who live so close to my mother and whom there is too much respect in my heart for...Edward, please...I am begging you...Do this for me and I promise I'll never ask for anything else from your family for as long as my heart beats..." Edward looked at me, motionless tears filling up his eyes as he took a deep breath in and nodded taking the dog from my arms and getting the food from underneath my other arm, letting me stretch it out at last. Cosmo licked his nose and that was all the proof I needed to be clear that he was going to be in safe hands.

"Is there nothing I can do to make you stay?"

_You can tell me you love me, too...You can lift me in your warm and strong arms and never let me go, running a hand through my hair and telling me that everything is going to be okay. You can undress me and make me one with you. You can be mine, Edward Cullen._

"No...Thank you, for everything you've done...I am so pleased that we were able to be friends again and be stronger than we ever were and – thank you for changing..."

"Bella-"

"Ssh...Don't speak, don't be nice.." I whispered putting my hand on his soft, velvet lips. "Bye, Edward..." I managed a small smile and turned on my heel to walk away – of course his natural instinct was to stop me and if I didn't know that then it was evident in his face but – he was going to respect my wishes and that was a sign of true friendship.

He was my only true friend and admittedly, the only person who had ever possessed my heart.

Blinking a few more tears down my face, I walked out into the silent air of our street and down to the nearest bus stop, luckily it was away from this particular street and so, no one could see me unless they had followed me and the only suspects for that were Edward and my mother.

I wheeled my case, along thankful that it had wheels and my arm did not have to suffer from the weight anymore and paced down to the bus stop, the street light shining above the sign and once reaching the light, I passed my weight onto my tip toes to read the times and much to my dismay there wasn't another bus to anywhere this side of the day and now, I had brilliant timing in the sense that I had picked a time to move out when there was nowhere to go outside of my village unless I walked for hours on end. I may have a slim frame but I was not the fittest person with the best stamina for walking hours at a time.

Sighing, wanting to go back home as quick as I had walked out, I turned and walked away from the deserted bus stop and headed up to the main part of our village, at least where the pubs were and the hustle and bustle, luckily there could be any neglected hideaway in an alley somewhere for me to hide in the darkness, I didn't want to be around people but getting to the main parts of the village could only mean that there was learning where everything was and what were the best places for 'homeless people' to hide.

I was now homeless...That was a label that I wasn't really going to get used to or accept for a good while yet but, due to the situation there was nothing that I could be.

After about an hour, I reached the noises of various people and going against the plan to find a place deserted to go to, I walked into the local pub the second one in the village which my mother did not work in and where no one was going to see me, or at least know me to pick a point or to take me back home. Would they ever believe me about my mother or was a biased friendship going to be a hit in the face, instead?

Walking past the onlookers and the nosey lurkers, mostly middle aged men with only a pure love to the consumption of beer rather than a family life back home, I found an empty seat at the bar and balanced my head on my arm, taking in the smell of stale ale and sweat from the crowded, overheated house of damaged livers and took a moment to compose myself, even being in a pub was a world far beyond one that I had been used to and suddenly in the atmosphere around me I felt like a foreigner without a proper visa to live here.

"What can I get you?" I lifted my head and saw the barmaid, noisily chewing on gum and balancing her weight on one arm as she stood in front of me with only the actual bad separating us. I fumbled into the pockets of my jacket and lifted the spare change out of it.

"Just a lemonade, please?" I asked putting the useless coins on the bar in front of her opposite the pumps of larger.

"Pint or half pint?"

"Half, please?"

"Sure..." The odd-looking woman took the change and walked away putting it into the till before pouring out my drink and taking out an empty glass as she reached to get it. This was strange being in a pub where the last time I had ever been in one was when I was a child and my father had to make a stop in one back north after an anonymous tip-off. Usually he would not have taken me in that kind of world, introduced me to one if he hadn't been swayed otherwise by his employers to go there – I must have been about eight but he held me in his arms and never once let me go and gain freedom – he knew better than I ever could how bad and strange these places can be for young people and it was only now that I was able to appreciate it.

"Going somewhere?" the barmaid handed me my drink and I took a sip out of the bendy coloured straw she had placed in the bubbly liquid and swallowed it down before answering her.

"Yeah, you could say that..."

"How come I have never seen you around here before?" seeing as the woman held so much interest in my background if only for a mere few seconds as all the buyers had their drinks close to them with no chances to get a refill...I searched then for a little white lie.

"I just moved here, but my home wasn't what I thought it was and now...I am looking for somewhere to stay. Do you know of anywhere?"

"What exactly are you looking for?"

"Just somewhere with a mattress on the floor, I can't be fussy at least not at the moment until I can get a job..."

"There is a spare room above here if you want to stay the night...It's a dangerous world out there for a young vulnerable woman like yourself to be walking around in..."

"Oh, I don't know..."

"It may not be the best looking world down here, I own this place and there is a spare room...I don't just hand out offers to anyone but I have been kicked out before and it is no walk in the park..."

"I wouldn't have the money..."

"We are always in need of a cleaner, unless you want to look around but honey in this climate and the way that everything is going – there is a slim chance to get a decent position at least not the one that you might want...Why do you think I am here?"

"This looks like a good business, though..."

"Only at night is it good business, during the day a graveyard is more appealing – so what do you say, sweetie do you want to stay in my spare room..."

"I'd love to but, I don't really know you..."

"My name is Bekah but people just call me Becky or Becks...Sometimes I get the name Stella but that is usually only from the drunkard mouths..."

"I'm Bella; well I will take up the cleaning offer..."

"Great – as long as you're working here and helping me there will be no other charges, take any food that you want from the kitchen...I am not that much of a cook because honestly there is no time and maybe when you're old enough you can work behind here and help a weighted-footed lady out..."

"You really don't mind?"

"Of course not and don't worry, there is nothing funny going on here – I have been in your situation and if I can do anything to help anyone besides give people drinks to kill themselves then it is a job well done. Come with me and I'll show you where you will stay..."

With a simple tap on the shoulder to her fellow employee she lifted up the separation between the two sides of the bar and I stepped through with my case feeling a little strange that the concept of finally having a room given to me above a bar, hey it was going to be much better than an alleyway where I can get attacked easily.

I followed my new tenant up the stairs and onto another floor, where the noise downstairs in the bar was only a mere muffling and she smiled at me before opening a door and if it were possible my heart would swell right out of my chest – for a tiny space it had enough for me. A chest of drawers and a bed, along with a large box of some kind and a standing lamp – I didn't need much and so, this was perfect.

"How can I thank you for this?"

"No thanks needed for now, as tomorrow will be a slower day we can get to know each other, then. There is the bathroom across the hall and don't worry, I always have hostage of that at a ridiculous hour in the mornings. Have a nice night, Bella"

"Thank you, Bekah"

Giving me one final smile she closed the door and left me in the silence and peace, the room had a nice floral smell and even though in my heart it was never going to be my own home, it was more than enough to keep me going until I managed to find myself.

I sat down on the bed, sinking into the mattress and covered my head in my hands, letting out some silent tears at being in an entirely new world. The strange fact of all was that I didn't miss my mum or my old life.

I missed Edward...

I wished to God that he could come and get me, at least hold me for a while whilst I got out the emotion – but, thanks to me he can never know where I was or what I was going through.

He is a friend after all and there was nothing more ever going to be possible for him to feel for me.

That was the reality that was the hardest to swallow, never mind being neglected and being entirely on my own...

I wanted Edward and, now I was willing to accept the fact that he wasn't going to want me.

Not now, not ever!


	38. Cold Unknowns

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

I was cold

The consuming, non-stop shivering woke me from my already-restless sleep from the strangeness of being in an entirely new bed and completely new surroundings. The thin fabric of the duvet was not enough to warm me to a comfortable temperature and do you ever get the realisation of being in a strange place only when waking up?

I lifted my head off of the Antarctic pillow and lifted my whole upper body to bring my knees, still under the duvet cover up to my knees and hugged them close to me, as close as humanely possible without hurting myself and let out my silent tears into the dreariness and the barely-audible wind outside of my locked window – the only sound to comfort me was the barely audible birdsong from the distance, it was almost as if the birds did not want to be around the same area as me and it seemed like a good analogy, even the birds had the right idea and stayed away. I wanted to go, as much as I was grateful to Bekah for keeping me in for the night when there was nowhere else to reach on a limited amount of money in my suitcase – money that did not cover the hope of an airplane ticket out of the country...Where was I going to go and _who _to? The only relatives I had known lived in this country and there was a chance that there could be more out in different countries but come on, with my luck they all deemed to be either six feet under or that repulsed to see me from the lack of contact since being born. I missed my dad, then and there being alone...Truly and utterly alone I desired to have him come into this room and stroke my hair whenever sleep had never come over me and the only solace was in the depths of a pillow with my own thoughts. As a child, dad was my hero – my saviour, the one person that managed to make all the bad obstacles in everyday world living for Bella Swan to cease if only for a tiny amount of time before waking up and starting again. Bella Swan was nothing without the love, the unconditional love of a father and a potential role model to grow up with. Charlie Swan was the ultimate role-model, a man of service who worked in fighting crime and restoring some good back into the world of millions of families who face tragedy – a gentleman of morals and strong self-beliefs and the ability to fight for them if that is what life situations had to make him do. People from the outside looked up to him and so did I and I'd like so much to believe that my mum did at some time as well, considering that she was married to a man of one gender whereas her natural instincts and sexual preferences were to both sexes and I was born – that was a sign and indication of commitment and, mum and dad would have been married for the rest of their lives if my father hadn't been taken away.

This was my learning curve, what life has to throw in our faces and we have to then take the right attitude and acknowledge them and in turn, fight them with courage and determination to see the greener grass at the other side, that is what the saying is after all but after last night the noise from downstairs keeping my eyes open for what seemed like hours on end until I fell into slumber my belief in sayings and fate, what is meant to be will be was falling at an alarming pace. Losing everything, my security blanket of home, a companion in my beautiful dog who bless him had to endure many talks with me with no hope of ever understanding what I was actually saying at all and instead giving me some comfort in the only way that he knew how and that was a lick or a snuggle of some kind – my friends, Tor, Seth, and best of all, Edward..._My _Edward Cullen who will never be my Edward Cullen but my acceptance of that had come through more, now and he was always going to be a friend – how strange it was that I could spend the rest of my life with him, showing him my love in little or small ways in my ability and giving him support and just doting on him and everything that he has turned out to be...Through the good and the bad, the bad can be so awful that the depths of hell can open up and swallow me whole as long as he was by my side in all of this – even being in this place and crying into the silence of the graveyard of my own death could be endured as long as he was here, holding me and telling me that everything was going to be okay.

Sniffing I wiped my nose with one of my hands and rested my head on my knees feeling so damn numb that I might as well have a drip of morphine attached to my arm, this is what being alone was like – what a lot of young people who are made homeless have to go through each and every coming day...Hands up to them for having the routine and motivation to survive each day as they do because this was my first morning – the morning after the hell which outsiders can pinpoint is better that the actual situation, everything looks brighter and better in the morning but this is not the case for me – nothing happens to me in normality for others because I have never been normal...I used to think this was good but, things and opinions change.

At a muffled knock on my door, I lifted my aching head, more like a weight pulling down my whole body into the depths of the ground and cleared my throat of all sleepiness before speaking.

"Come in..."

The doorknob creaked loudly in twisting motion and the door opened, my head shot to the side and Bekah appeared with a mug in her hands, she was dressed in her dressing gown and a nice pair of fluffy slippers – looking so different to the way she had done last night, the freshness of her skin without the makeup and the radiance of her natural enviable clear skin of her face was endearing and, if it were possible for her to ever believe that she could be attractive even more so than with the makeup that she puts on for her customers, the people and individuals who give her the trade she depends on for her own survival then I would have disclosed it then and there. Bekah was definitely naturally beautiful and even I was a little envious at how nice she looked in the early hours of the morning.

"Morning petal...How are you feeling?" she whispered, sitting down at the foot of the bed and giving me a small smile, a very small one but the thought behind it spoke volumes about the genuine meaning of her question and the caring inside her heart to want to know how I was. Now, I had the decision in a split-second to express the truth and say how I had not slept so badly since my father had died or I could pull a white lie out of my behind and pretend that everything is okay. Frankly, living in pretence that everything in my life was alright had gone on for too long and sometimes I did find myself wanting to scream and be myself in risk of bursting.

"Okay..." I replied not even thinking about the hidden honesty in my head. What's one more day of lies, there was no one in my life who cared anymore the only person who should care is my mother who had made the conscious decision to chose someone else over me and so, now there was no one to stop me from bearing my soul to the world and living it how I see fit.

"You sure?" Bekah asked raising an eyebrow – either she was similar to Esme in spotting lies or she needed more confirmation.

"Yes"

"Okay, well...Here is a cup of coffee – this is always my necessity in the morning for the caffeine kick – I have to apologise to the state of this room and the bed, this is not a Hilton as much as it as I would personally like it to be..."

"Bekah honestly its fine, knowing the way I am I'd only end up sleeping in an alley somewhere..."

"Are you sure that everything is okay, your eyes are puffy..."

"I am fine..."

"I don't have to open up till twelve so...Can you tell me anything about yourself?"

~~**~Edward~**~~

_Bella..._

_Bella alone, cold and scared...Other people spitting on her in the street and thinking she is a general tramp scrounging off the money from other wealthy tight-arses no good to live in their superiority because of the misery etched all over their faces!_

I hadn't slept, sitting in the same position had caused me to have cramp in my legs from the consistency of their position and, if I had not been able to sleep before then this night was undoubtedly the worst in existence. Cosmo had been whining most of the sleepless, tragedy and humiliation the night had brought me. Humiliation at myself for not stopping her, wrapping her warm body around my own and swearing never to let her go. I never wanted her out of my life, didn't like or stand the idea of her suffering when I ungrateful and taking my house, bed and board to granted every hour of each day. Damn her mother, damn her to the fiery depths of hell beneath us all where she can rot alone – no sane parent, even the ones that do not deserve children would ever consciously chose a boyfriend over the daughter they had chosen to give life to. Renee had given her the damn gift of her life and so she as a parental role had her duty until Bella finds her feet – was that happening, no?

If I had my way, I would smack her into next week but, I was never going to hit a woman in my lifetime because of the stories that I have heard of domestic violence and also the damage it can do to a female mind and the functions of their psychological state...This was going to destroy Bella, hell it destroyed me even thinking about where she could be. What was I to do? Roam the streets until once in a blue moon I find her, when she had told me pretty much in other words to leave her alone – did she really want to be alone? Did she want me to come and find her?

"Edward, can you please explain to me why Bella and Renee's dog is in your room?"

_Shit, damn, fuck, crap! _In my delirium of thinking constantly about my neighbour and the upmost shit she had been dealt at the hands of her unstable, uncaring and evil mother who should have sworn on her life to stick by her. Instead, what does her daughter get? A good carting off like a pet no longer wanted by the family tied to a fence in the searing cold until a chance of a rescuer comes along I had not disclosed to my mother what had happened. There was a reason for my silence, one was Bella and how she had pleaded with me not to say anything to anyone at least until the situation wasn't as raw as right now and also the reality of her mother and my mother being friends, or at least on speaking terms.

Lifting my eyes from the deep colour of Cosmo's coat, I gazed on my mother in her dressing gown and her hair around her shoulders a sign that she had only just woken up and the questioning look on her face lost all my resolve to keep my promise. Mum was not going to say anything to Renee if I asked her, the two of us had a better relationship and the family trust is definitely a factor of truth in our own family unit because that is what all members who share the same DNA do – stick together no matter how much we may not like each other we have bloodlines and a duty to support one another. Now, I wanted to be a part of my family once again back in my childhood days when Emmett and I were very much equals – Bella had made me like this, back to the person that I had intentionally taken away and just because she had been taken away from me, cruelly on both our parts that didn't mean that my promise to her never meant anything anymore.

"Edward?" I was looking at my mother but my mind was in the unknown, burning questions, wants and desires all hammering through my system – swallowing the dryness in my throat at what I was about to disclose, I took a steady breath inward.

"It's a long story, mum..." I said simply my eyes falling to the floor at the feeling of emotion through my nose and eyes at how much I missed Bella and how I wanted to hit myself so violently for letting her slip through my fingers and into a place of unpredictability and fear...She must be so scared, sleeping rough and planning out the next way to survive – no one deserved that but especially not her. Bella had done nothing but help people, in her selfless and caring nature inside her beautiful soul she had always thought of others, even when she was feeling emotional about her own mother never did her instinct fall on her own way to survive, only to help her mother which now had not meant shit! All her care had gone unnoticed and was pointless and I was angry, angry at how she had to lose her father unjustifiably and now her mother, who else was out there for her tied by blood? My guess was no one.

"Please tell me, darling..." Mum had sat down on my bed during my examination of the fibres in the carpet and I ran my hands through my shrivelled and messy hair – I was numb, so very numb like there was no other feeling to pinpoint except the draining and tiredness that feeling low can bring. Self-hatred took power over me because there had been so much I had wanted to say to Bella but in her plea to me had gone unsaid. I wanted to stick by her and be a friend, as good as she had been to me but is this what friends do?

This is not what any friend does, a friend helps and a friend supports...

God, I needed her back!

"Bella's gone...Look mum, I need you to promise me something..."

"Of course anything my darling" she answered placing her warm hand on my very cold ones from the neglect of the warmth of the duvet on my bed. A small gesture that spoke so much, mum was willing to listen to me and for the first time in years I had never loved her more.

"What I am about to say to you...Can't be said to anyone else, this has to be between you and me..."

"Edward, if there is something you want to tell me in confidence then there is no chance of any information leaving these four walls...Have you slept at all, baby?"

"No...I have just been sitting here, thinking, thinking about things that matter and thinking about things that don't. Things that I should have done and things that I want to do..."

"Tell me, my love...Please let me help you..."

Those four words sounded so easy, coming out of someone's mouth takes milliseconds but the meaning behind them lasted a lifetime...I wanted to tell my mum so much about everything that I had always put off because of her low opinion of me and the way that my life was once led – this was a strange occurrence, a new beginning to the next life of my true being and the direction of my liking myself a path that had deemed impossible not so long ago.

"Renee chose Phil over Bella, I don't know what really happened but she came to the house last night to hand Cosmo over to me, making me promise to look after him...She had a bag with her, a suitcase with wheels and she told me simply that she was going, out of her house and away from her mother...Mum, I wanted to stop her..." The tears fell at my explanation forcing my words to come to a sharp halt and my hands fall to my face in hiding to showing any emotion – why was I showing emotion when Bella was the one who was suffering? What kind of person was I?

"Oh sweetheart, calm down and take a few deep breaths...There is no rush, tell me as slowly as you want...Bella has moved out?"

"Yes, Renee had watched her go after Bella must have refused to be around her and Phil anymore and, I have met this Phil before and he is not going to last five minutes..."

"Where did she go?"

"She wouldn't tell me, I wanted to ask her so damn much but she brushed it all off, forcing me to make the promise to look after Cosmo and then she was gone, in the blink of an eye and now...All I want to do is to get her back..."

"Can you tell me one thing, Edward?"

"What?"

"Tell me what you feel for Bella...As simply as you can...?"

~~**~Bella~**~~

"So you love your neighbour?"

I had disclosed everything to Bekah, liking the fact that she wasn't remotely connected with me in the sense that she did not know who Edward really was or could tell him my secrets. I was too tired to keep everything inside at the risk of entering more into insanity than already proven in my emotional and fearful state of mind. Like a good listener she had sat at the end of my bed, the two of us on our second cup of strong black coffee and the real sense of awakening flowing through my entire body – Bekah reminded me of Esme, at least the caring radiated from her was similar and it was nice to have someone similar to my age who could maybe understand the feelings that have aroused and become such a major part of my living and breathing. Anyone who is anyone has loved before, sometimes even never having it returned I believed that every individual on the earth have experienced love at some point in their lives that they remember for the rest of their lifetime.

"Yes, he doesn't know and everything just got so complicated...With my mother and her new boyfriend and my best friend liking me..."

"The Clearwater guy?"

"Yeah, oh God I am sorry like you have any time to listen to my winging about life when there are others in the world enduring much worse..."

"Your problems are your own, Bella and I can say to you now that falling in love has been no stranger to me, for many years there was one man who became the object of my undying affection and through every minute we spent together my heart swelled even more but, we didn't work out and he moved away...Always a dreamer with big goals and ambitions and those did not include me. Loving him as much as I did made me let him go but, even now I regret it sometimes and dwell into what the two of us could have had together and the life we may have lived..."

"That's awful..."

"Does Edward have any idea?"

"Oh God, as a child I was never good at being discreet but, as a teenager with all the issues about bodies changing and hormones flaring...I learned and forced my mouth to close and nothing else was said, mum and I would talk sometimes but never like _this_ kind of talk where everything is out on the table for the listener to hear and make their own assumptions and judgements about..."

"Oh pet, I am no judge...I have no right to judge, my life could have gone so much better and my choice of employment a whole lot better but, this was the only way I managed to survive and gain some security because my parents were sick of having me around...Your mother should never have chosen her boyfriend over you, most sane people would want to beat her to a pulp for doing something so cruel and awful to a young girl. Bella, you're young and this real world is not safe for a vulnerable being..."

"The world has its work cut-out then, as much as my heart aches for Edward my head knows that he is never going to feel the same way and, he does not want to hear about a love that cannot be returned. Seth had told me and I felt sad, sad that he deserved to have someone much more worthy than me, nicer than me, more attractive than me and his heart had chosen me...Falling in love cannot be controlled and, we haven't spoken for a while because of the awkwardness of being around him brought to me. No friend leads others on when things get uncomfortable..."

"That wasn't your fault, or his...Some things just have to be taken away, the fat cut away from the meat as it were to be fully enjoyable..."

"I miss him too...I miss everything now that it is no longer accessible..."

"That's normal, you couldn't brand yourself as a human if that was not a feeling you didn't feel...Is there anything I can do?"

"No, I will forget Seth, Edward, mum, Esme...Everyone that had come into my life at some point because that's what happens isn't it people come and go and only the meaningful ones stay, the ones who are worth it..."

"Edward sounds worth it, if you tell him...What exactly do you lose?"

"Our friendship, he is going to feel identical to my own feelings when Seth had confessed his love to me and I'd rather keep him in my life..."

"You'd willingly carry on the charade of being merely his friend for the rest of your life than take the plunge?"

"Yes..."

"See that is where I went wrong, instead of listening to the shouting in my heart to run to the airport after the man that I had endless amounts of love in my soul for, I went with my head and let him go...It hurt, hurt like hell for months and months..."

"I have been hurt before..."

"That doesn't mean that any other hurt can fall upon you...What about if you just send him a letter and explain where you are in case he worries..."

"Edward doesn't worry, I have told him not to – there is only one duty he is carrying out and that is looking after my dog because I couldn't..."

"Talk, then?"

"What?"

"Talk about everything..."

~~**~Edward~**~~

"I don't understand, how is she going to get to school?"

"A bus or walk like she has always done – all of the things important and valuable in her possessions went with her and so she will come in tomorrow morning for lessons pretending like nothing is wrong and no one outside will never know any different..."

"There is something we have to do!"

"Mum, there is nothing...I made my promise to Bella..."

"Edward that is honourable but...She is out there with all the bad things like drugs, violence...I mean anything can happen to her..."

"Yes anything can and no doubt everything will because of her stupid mother..."

"Renee has screwed up, very badly and she has not got to live with losing her daughter but...she may no longer be a friend of mine but I'd gladly take Bella in as my own daughter, the daughter that I have never been able to have..."

"Mum, this is not our choice...Bella's life is her choice and her choice alone, if she wanted to come home then she will have to come back here herself because I have no idea about where she might be..."

"That is it, then...You're going to give up on her, too?"

"I am not giving up on her..."

"Do you want to know what I think?"

"Go on then, mum...Tell me..."

"I think that you are scared...Your feelings for Bella are changing into more than just friendship and because of the fear of being rejected in your advances which have always come easy to you...Even that you have to admit, baby...You hold back and chances are she may see you in the same way..."

"There is just friendship, mum..."

"No there isn't Edward and what doesn't make sense is how it is etched all over your face, even your eyes voluntarily lift and light up slightly at the mention of her name and there is not one bit of realisation that you admit to yourself..."

"Mum, please...You know everything..."

"Yes I do and if you think that I am going to sit by and let Bella suffer then you have another thing coming, Edward Anthony...!"

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Right I really must be getting on with downstairs..." Bekah climbed off of the bed and turned to me as she reached the doorway. "Would you like me to show you where all the cleaning things are, there is no need to clean today because of the salary starting at the end of the week...Could you start tomorrow?"

"Yes, I am still attending school..."

"Do you drive?"

"No unfortunately I have never had the money to do so..."

"Oh well that's a shame, I could have offered you my own car to go to and from school so it's safer..."

"Are there any buses that go from here?"

"Where do you attend school?"

"Bradbourne..."

"I only know of one bus from here that goes around that area, the 408...It comes every morning at around five past seven and there isn't another one, I can get a hold of a timetable or get some access to the internet so that you can find the proper times..."

"Oh please don't...The five past seven will suit me fine..."

With that finalizing answer, I climbed off of the bed and started to get myself ready.

This was a small step into my new life, at least a temporary one...

One small step for me and one giant step into my future.

I feel so very sick!


	39. Rampant Realisations

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

*(The Next Day)*

After doing the cleaning jobs for the day, I was all set for school – the thought of going back into the same building which I was only in a few days ago when my life had changed so drastically since the last time did inhabit some nerves – especially having to see Edward who was the only person with knowledge of what I have done and what I have chosen to do. I had no clue about what Tor might say or even Seth if we were both still on talking terms in the same way. It seemed like everything had changed but the school hadn't.

I got changed because of the fear of having Bekah walk in on me in the shower, at least at home there was some kind of easier access to have the bathroom for your own amount of time without distractions but being in someone else's house always creates awkwardness inside me because I have always harboured a huge love for my own home. Now times have changed, so my attitude has to as well.

I left my hair down and moist because my hairdryer decided to go on the blink, _charming...My life goes tits up and modern technology decides to follow!_ So the target for the day, one of them at least was to make sure my hair gets dry before I have a chance and a common opportunity to get a cold and make myself ill and moody. I hate being ill, my dad always told me that if there was ever the chance to kill the doctor and take all of his money, I'd literally jump at it – right now, now that he was gone and unable to give me the 'typical' nod to a comment reaching his ears now I realise that everything that he had said about me is true. The sixth-sense harbouring in parental roles does indeed exist, they can see things with their eyes about their children or even other people's children will grow up to be and make up spot-on answers to how we'd react to situations.

There I was, alone on the bed waiting another five minutes before walking to school...I had managed to find a route to the building which obviously was much further than my own home route had been but sacrifices had to be made in this time of life, now that my security had gone down the drain with the falling rain and sewage. Bekah had been downstairs for a long time, this was a typical morning for us because she had to sort out all the barrels down in the pub's cellar and sign all the daily deliveries – I can't see how she can manage to make her morning a routine, there was no time to sit down on a seat at all and then much to my dismay of course not to any of the alcohol-consumers she served them until midnight and then stay up to do the cleaning.

I wondered about her life, sometimes – the actual history in between the highlights that she had given me and like any individual gives someone they have only met...How she had really ended up here and how she seems to feel content in being alone without someone around to help her, not necessarily a man – work or emotional partner but even a family member like a sister or a cousin. Did her family even know that she had made a very good business in the generalised 'wrong' area?

Sighing, not wanting to wait in the silence any longer I picked up my cup from the leaning bedside table and walked out of the room, making my way down the stairs with the fuzzy and somewhat dated carpet with some other colours mixed in with the original – Lord knows what kind of people had come up and down these stairs, whether they were some runaways like me or even boyfriends and girlfriends to have some fun on a Sunday. Not that kind of fun, you know what I mean...General hang out in an establishment full of alcohol...That was heaven to most!

Before going into the small hallway separating the back door and the bar area, I circled around to the small box kitchen and washed my cup up in the sink and left it to dry on the draining board and once finished, I made my way back to the corridor.

Bekah peered out from the bar area as I picked up my bag, I had seen her before bending down – the muffling of some country music with banjo instruments from her speakers around the pub – I hauled my bag onto my shoulder and pulled out my hair from underneath the strap.

"You alright, darling?"

"Yeah just going to school..." I answered a little solemnly with limited enthusiasm – I had already established the incomplete and deserted feeling in this place because nothing belonged to me, except the various articles that had been taken from my house. At least in my own house, the furniture had gone through childhood with me and the pictures certainly had gone through my story – here, there was nothing to remind me of where I have come from...My history and the pieces that made me feel like home, no other place could ever manage to make me feel at home – this was no exception. I had endless gratitude to Bekah but her home will never be mine.

"Have a good day; do you have the key for the back door with you?"

"Yes, thanks" I gave her a small smile and turned on my heel – opening the back door and into the fresh morning air.

Bekah had been kind enough to give me a key to the back door so as not to walk through all the drinkers and get an armpit or a foot in my face depending on how much of their hard earned money had gone into the till when I got home, even the idea of coming back here was not much to be excited about...The nerves and butterflies were growing now I had managed to get away from the four walls and ceiling – my acting abilities no matter how slim or awful they are were on to testing today – Edward already had suspicions, I mean it's obvious because that's what any friend would do, right? I mean perhaps I was just kidding myself, my friend experience wasn't the best and the majority of them are living their own lives now and not bothering to catch up with mine...Who was I to bore them all with problems anyway, every young person has them just not perhaps one where a choice led you to want to kill yourself, or run into the arms of your crush who didn't know how you felt about them.

_It's all a learning curve, Bella..._

Yeah I'll believe that when I finally learn something in seventeen years!

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Cosmo!"

I groaned at the dog making my feet his home on my bed, he was already adapting to the change, fair enough he was much less vocal now than he had ever been under Bella's care but because she was a female, being the gentler and more emotional sex she was able to take this snuggle on the feet at God awful hours in the morning. There was no point complaining, I actually liked having Cossie around – kind of like a sidekick to fight crime with or a best friend to have endless cuddles with. Any dog as beautiful as Cosmo could bring out femininity in the most masculine of men...I was the latest member of the male gender to be affected by his expressive eyes and persuasive behaviour to get what he wanted.

Emmett had come home with Rosalie last night, the evening was spent with my mother trying to get to know her and then coming to me with reports...Of course, being the guy that I am already confused in the midst of puberty my room was my escape and having a new best friend meant that my time in there was not spent on my lonesome. Mum had been trying to get to know Rosalie but she was more concerned about how close in contact she maintained with my brother, every second they were all over each other like an obese man and wife at an 'all you can eat' buffet, of course my brother could be eaten in a different way and being a man and his younger brother that was not a territory my mind was willing to go into. My mother was no stranger to physical touch because she was happily married to my father and teenagers aren't supposed to think or ever imagine their parents being intimate with each other but it doesn't take an Einstein to realise my parents were still crazy about one another after so many years of marriage and two children under their belts. I found it humorous that my mother...The general saint of the village was getting irritated over seeing her son so consumed with another female person. Emmett's bedposts had seen so many of them that she had given up trying to maintain knowledge – but, Rosalie was the person he was and still is the most crazy about and in a small way, it was nice that he had found another like that no matter how much others may hate her because of her easy tendency to bully and victimise in school...Emmett will never hear about it but in my thoughts it was great to see him happy.

Everything about what went down with Bella was forgotten about between us, we were now both in the separate crowds that we always should have been – two different siblings and two separate lives, the only thing connecting us was DNA and blood...He spoke to me as often as he could in between tonsil hockey with Rosalie and I didn't care that she wanted him all the time, desire was easy to understand even though frankly my experience of that was limited. I had never desired girls, not in the way that films can express or even the classic novel here and there, all my needs were taken and acted upon and female's needs never once crossed my mind...I was selfish and incredibly persuasive growing up and it's hard to imagine that I was ever able to get away with that without at least five shiners to the eye and endless kicks in the nuts. The females that I was with did not have morals, any self-pride in themselves instead they lived each day _needing_ to be needed by the opposite sex (or the same sex depending on sexual orientation) there was a difference between the small majority that had needs given to them when they least expect it or where they hadn't been searching for it in the first place to the females like Tanya Denali.

Cosmo looked at me wide-eyed and let out a small whine, damn this dog may as well be my future wife by how he already wrapped me around his paws in such a small amount of time living here – Rosalie had caught on that we had a 'new' dog and so we, supporting Bella went with the excuse. What Rosalie didn't know, she couldn't ever spread around – the only thing that she should be concentrating on is spreading her legs and keeping her mouth shut. My brother loved sex too much to ever think of her in a different position than underneath him, being his brother the knowledge soon becomes reality when a new one comes along...If you get my drift.

I swung my legs around and stood up stretching out my arms above my head, in my boredom of imprisonment in my room last night my then-wise decision about working on my arms and abdominal muscles had now come back to hit me where it hurts. I was so stiff and not in the sexual way – damn crunches and bench-presses against my bed! That'll teach me for wanting to get back to the shape I had once managed to be when the gym was a second home.

My thoughts had swirled so much about Bella that last night was the first night that I never even thought about her, this morning was an exception considering that every moment I spent looking into her dog's eyes brought me back to her, those same brown eyes just as expressive and just as broken. Bella was broken and I wanted so much to fix her, but was she really so beyond mending? Her choice was to leave her mother and that decision still baffled me – looking out to her closed blind and knowing that she was never going to be back in that room again hurt like a bitch but why did she do that if she wasn't sure about what she wanted to be and where she wanted to go? Did she want me to respect her decision and leave her alone?

Bella might want me to leave her alone but I couldn't ever manage going through a day with her in the lessons that we have together and not know how she is – my conscience would never allow it because of my care to her. There was no chance in hell that the place that she had spent the weekend in, no matter where or what it was had an element of safety. No one around her knew of her, probably didn't know of how she came to be there because of the barrier she puts up to new acquaintances and so...She was never going to be safe unless she was with her family, or at least some friends who knew her. What it came down to, what all this comes down to is the fact that she had rejected coming to live with me, with us and my family. How wrong was that going to be?

Our house had a guest room, with its own bathroom and she'd have as much privacy as she chose to have being here and of course the best care imaginable with my mother...Why did she hesitate? Was it because of her mother being next door and so close or was it something else...Was it me? Did she detest the idea of being around me?

I would hate me too after everything.

~~**~Bella~**~~

After a good forty five minutes, the school car park was around me along with the sounds of cars coming and going and students jabbering on about their weekends, thank God that it was winter at the moment because if the seasonal weather was summer and the temperatures were much higher than this I may have sweated myself to liquid onto the pavements.

Being around the sounds so familiar to me was a little comfort, school was an escape – a place to learn but to also forget about your home and personal lives for a good amount of time in a day and like a book the other world seemed so much brighter. As I walked to the reception, I gazed at the different male and female students and wondered how good their lives were, whether they put on a show for others to hide the real pain surrounding inside if there was any and whether they put on a different act just to save face – like Edward had done for so long. Was anything we said or did the truth? Was life a lie to hide the natural world we all grew up in, were opinions going to be altered because we were all hiding something that we couldn't bring ourselves to accept?

Pulling open the main entrance doors, I walked past the receptionist – the start of her day answering the phones and pretending to be happy, even adults in jobs played pretend at some point in their lives and I was thankful that all conversations and connections between her and I were over and that we could go back to just being receptionist and pupil in a school...Normality was nice sometimes – when real life was a whirlwind.

Shifting my gaze to the floor in fear of my secrets threatening to come out of my mouth if ever in a conversation with other people I couldn't care less about, the emotion proving to be too much of a risk to my mental health and my life being known. What was anyone going to say? All bad things? That I have made my bed and so my lying in it was what I was now going to have to learn...Trust me, that was a fact already in my brain and taken onboard to the next destination of self-hatred and with a side of more worry and fear.

Getting to my locker, I took a deep breath inward and put my things in there, taking out my equipment and books for lessons in the usual way and not minding about the excessive noise from the common room. In any time of the day, that room could have more life than any other classroom in the school and in the entire building – it may as well be a place for nightlife opportunities at some point in the future.

"Bella!"

_Oh God, this is where it all begins..._

The unmistakable sound of Tor's voice seemed to trigger the threatening tears of loneliness and feeling of complete exile from my home...She, who had her own life and was entirely oblivious to what had happened in my own didn't help. As much as I liked Tor, she was never going to be an individual who knew everything about me and I wanted to maintain my real life from her as much as possible because of the fear of her thinking of lunacy...Lunatics are branded as missiles in the social climate of today, they have no sense of being outside and instead being cooped up behind lock and key because, a little like myself they have already seen and experienced how shit life can be and in a way, they were very much misunderstood.

Why were individuals in a psychiatric hospital always bad?

They are not bad people, they are people who have had years and years of bad luck and so have no future because of what fate has given them...Was I next?

"How are you, did you have a good weekend?"

Tor sounded so cheerful, it hurt me to think that she was never going to know the real me – the only individual who proved to be a battle with my heart and my head to know who I was inside and out was the one person who was always on my mind. Edward.

"Not bad really, did work mostly...How was yours?" I replied in the most cheerful voice I could manage to bring out of my acting ability – acting was lying, a good lie to live in someone else's shoes and I was already deemed crap at lying because of my defeating blush to my cheeks that both confrontation and embarrassment sent me into attempting to remove.

"Alright, you're cheeks are flushed, Bella...Are you still walking to school?"

Closing my locker, I picked up m books and pencil case from the clean floor and stood back upright, putting my key into the usual confines of my pencil case – I needed the time to think of a decent answer that was not going to wallow any suspicion to my friend's mind and luckily, there were things that needed to be done as well as thinking.

"Yeah..."

"There must be a bus or something, and then at least you wouldn't be so cold!" A maternal vibe flew from Victoria, then...A care unlike no other and it was nice...It made me feel nice that being something so small as cold could still bring her to friendly instincts.

"There isn't, but don't worry the heating in this building is a quick healing to hypothermia..." Only one time had there been a real time I was cold, the time when Edward held me in the back of his car on the way to Rose's party. Back then, I had failed to notice how safe his arms were, how right it seemed being so close to him, breathing in the menthol smell of him, the warmth of his breath in my hair – those arms were so beautiful, all alone they managed to be beautiful without the beauty of the man they were connected to.

_How I wanted to be in those arms again against my better judgement to stay away because of the risk of blabber and verbal diarrhoea bearing my heart out to him!_

"Well...Tell me what's new?"

_How long have you got, babe?_

~~**~Edward~**~~

Pulling up into the car park, I tried not to think about Bella anymore – the whole weekend had been a tribute to my ex-neighbour, believe me I had the chance to write a book about the girl in the time my mind pondered and flashbacked of the time we had together, the small amount of time that was the best time of my life because of the change. I finally liked who I was thanks to her and my gratitude for her was more than what she could ever imagine.

Walking to the common room, I managed to get the stink-eye from Tanya and a death glare from Jasper, the two of them were linked arm to arm and my imagination had enough assumption inside it to know that they were now fucking one another – all the luck to them, that relationship was never going to last longer than two weeks because of both their temperaments and wondering eyes...If anything, they deserved one another.

My first lesson was English, I was away from Bella in terms of placing in our desks but I did not want to be far away from her in emotions...If anything, she needed to open up and to me because nothing shared between the two of us was going anywhere outside to anyone else, she had been under attack before and her introverted nature explained that...I was never going to do anything to cause her anymore pain.

Wanting to punch my locker so hard that it broke the bones in my hand, I opened it and took out the work we needed for Osborn including the essay which was the last thing that Bella had helped me with before any of the shit happened to her – the memory behind her care and genuine want to help me was enough to make me want to frame the essay as a result rather than give it away. This is what I had become, pouring and becoming emotional over written pieces of flaming paper...So much for feminity, I was a wreck!

The bell rang the minute I made my way to the English department and there was the line of students in my class and the unmissable striking features of Bella in the very front of it, talking to her friend and oblivious to everyone else who was to ensure this class along with her. There must be something about Victoria; she had managed to bring a smile to Bella's face – a smile who has been taken away from the happiness of the world and left to deal with the kind of feelings and issues that no one like her should have to endure. I wanted to be the person to take all the pain away, but how was I going to manage that just to state that I desired her to be with me, so that I can keep an eye on her and keep her in check. Living with me, she was never going to worry about much else besides assignment and coursework deadlines.

I needed to know where she was living – or at least hear from her mouth that she had a secure place to be at this moment, not a permanent place of residence but a temporary one until she managed to find employment. I had also been searching for jobs and seeing a few out there in the current environment of the recession and deficit of the Government was like s shooting star a second night in a row – so, like a determined teenager wanting to earn his own wage to get around in and to afford petrol without dipping into my future inheritance to get by and survive. With employment, my options could be expanded and new skills added to a future university or college application. I didn't know what I wanted to do yet in a subject of study but the more skills I can place on my CV the wider my horizons. Now was the time to plan, now that most things had changed and I did want to be a successful working man in my own flat one day and living my own life. I wanted to make my parents proud, ultimately and I believed that this was a good way to go.

Osborn greeted us and allowed us into the classroom, Tor had disappeared down the corridor probably to another lesson or to the library for her free period, either way she was not in this lesson and it was now up to me not to ask Bella how she was out loud for everyone else to witness and make judgement about.

Knowing the age generation, people are always going to find something to talk and make judgements about no matter who it was about or what the information was.

~~**~Bella~**~~

I slumped down at my desk and pulled out my essay which I managed to print off in the library before the lesson started – Tor and I spoke about various things, my avoiding the real information concealed from her and distracting my mind with something else. As I sat down, putting my notebook and pencil case in front of me, the printed essay hidden in the cover, I was working on covering my face from Edward whose eyes were burning so far into the right side of my face from the row behind mine that no one would notice my combusting into flames in the middle of the English Literature lesson surrounding the topic of Wuthering Heights.

This was always a battle, my mind screamed at me to be in his arms and my head was staying away from him like the plague...Was it healthy to fantasise about a guy who you wanted in your heart to be with, to be in his arms to feel his lips on your own and allowing the desire and want to wound around the two of you in a bubble and at the same time run at him with a sword and kill him just to take away the pain of having to see his face and knowing that he has disapproving reaction to my decision to not be his neighbour or be with my mother, anymore – the fear that he could see right through you and run a thousand miles in awkwardness?

The class began, Osborn began her usual flamboyant teachings, for the minute she had forgotten about the essay assigned for today and listening to her rambling, passion radiating from her soul about the classic novel in discussion – the nausea building, the sweat seeping through and the faint scent of my shampoo from the curtain of my hair on the right side of my face overwhelmed me, I may as well have a huge arrow pointing at my head saying 'problem child' perhaps everyone may have an idea about why I decide to keep things a secret.

Damn Edward Cullen for being so amazing, damn him for taking over me and damn me to hell if I was ever going to find a normal routine and way of thinking ever again now that I had a new life to live in!

~~**~Edward~**~~

At the sound of the bell, indicating that the double period was over, I rushed to Osborn's desk to put down my essay and I sprinted following Bella out of the classroom door as she had managed to put her own essay down on Osborn's desk conveniently quickly and get out of the room...I managed to catch up with her, at least the back of her as her head was down to the floor beneath us. What was it about that girl? She was nothing but ordinary in the sense that there wasn't anything wrong with her physically, in fact she was so perfectly in proportion so why did she feel the need to hide those eyes from the rest of the world? The eyes that were so entrancing that no understandable sentence can ever manage to be formed in your mind to distract yourself from them and attempt to justify that you're not some gawker so interested in her eyes to stare her down and blurt out unnecessary information like some agent working in crime and saving the Goddamn world!

"Bell?" My voice was hoarse as I walked further up to her, I had forgotten how limited my verbal count is now that my change in social circle had become a thing of the past...She stopped in her tracks but didn't turn, luckily the corridor that the two of us had now taken up refuge in wasn't busy and there were only a few passers-by to see we were in there. The shining chocolate shimmer of her curls blared under the light above us and my hand ached to touch her hair, run the soft, smooth strands through my fingers and along the pale skin of her shoulders in the process. The one thing that could be determined then was her body called out to me, not in the healthiest or appropriate way possible – she was a siren, calling out unknowingly to prey like me, the members of the male gender to entice them into a world of mystery and fascination. This young woman was like no other, she did not have the mental intelligence or the overall maturity level of a girl – she never had done, it was for that reason that to me, she shone over everyone else and no one was ever going to manage to get close to fascinating me as much as Bella Swan does – had always done.

"Are you okay?" I reached her and placed my hesitant hand gently on her left shoulder blade, feeling it quiver slightly beneath me...I heard her sigh ever so faintly as she turned to face me, her eyes searching and wondering endless amounts of curiosity visible in them as they planted themselves onto mine...She bit down hard on her lip and let out a sigh.

"Yes Edward, why shouldn't I be?"

_What kind of blooming arse question was that?_

"Maybe because you're no longer at home and you've spent the weekend...God knows where...With God knows who..."

"Calm down, Edward...I am in a safe place..." Her voice was so quiet, meaningful but so quiet almost in a whisper, why was she speaking like that?

"I don't believe you, Bella...Look...I am the last person to ever tell you what to do because let's face it, I have no right to dictate your life but...How can you be alright?"

"I _have _to be alright, Edward...I have no other choices..."

"Yes you do!" I held both her shoulders in my hand, she didn't once react to my grip on her, instead keeping her eyes heavily on mine with intention...Usually when she was confronted her eyes adverted downwards because of her dislike of arguing but now, there was determination in her soul – determination to assure me that she was alright and even though I had wanted to hear it from her mouth, I didn't believe her.

"Bella, stop surviving...Stop pretending that everything is alright when it isn't – the test of lying isn't going to help you...At least not when I'm around..."

"When _you're_ around...Edward, all I did was leave my dog with you...At no other time or moment did I ever want us to be the same as we once were...The minute Cosmo went into your arms was the last time we were ever going to be the same..."

"What are you talking about?"

"I have tried to be normal, I have tried not to miss my mother and my father and my old life but it's proved impossible...No, Edward I'm not okay...That's the truth if you want it so damn much..."

"Then why..."

"I am not someone's charity case, Edward...I appreciate you offering to have me live with you, but can't you see...Nothing is that simple? Others are going to see us together, my mother lives only next door to you and I don't want to have to stumble upon her at some unfortunate moment. Where I am, it's enough. There is a job, a bed, four walls, a ceiling and a bathroom all available to me there and for now, until I can figure out anything else that is everything that I need..."

"Bullshit, Bell...Why are you blocking me out, why won't you let me in – if I have to see things then you have to see some things, too. I care about you..."

"I'm grateful, but don't have me on your conscience...I don't belong there...This is the start of something new, something that is only mine and no one else's and that is the way that I am determined to keep it..."

"So what, our friendship...Everything that the two of us have had...You want it to all go away?"

"What else is there to do, you'll only tell me that you're there and constantly persuade me to be with you whereas I, I will always be burdened..."

"Burdened, how are you burdened?"

"Edward, if you don't know now, then you never will and I don't have any dislike of you because of the blindness – my motivation of keeping things secret has paid off. Thank you for everything..."

"Don't push me out, Bell...Not now, not after everything..."

"When will you just _give it up_?" Bella exclaimed, her voice reaching a higher tone in volume – startling me in the process forcing my hand to take itself away from her shoulder in the lack of preparation. "Stop pretending, I have to stop pretending then at least you can stop pretending you care about me...Everything that we had in the beginning was a lie, now even you can't admit that we have never been the same since your confession of the bet. I am no longer your neighbour anymore there isn't a duty to save me from a fast moving car or shield me from the freezing winter air, I have made my own choice and as much as I hate it – sacrifices have to be made and attitudes need to change. I need to change..."

_Good God what was going on?_

"Bell..." I reached out to her again but she had found movement in her legs to back away from my attempt, tears began to fill her eyes as her head shook frantically.

"No, Edward...There is so much that I want to tell you but I can't...I cannot physically bring myself to tell you what is really going on because I am so scared...I am scared now because my mother no longer loves me, if my mother doesn't love me then who else is going to...The only person who I can trust and who I know the most about is myself...I don't need anyone else..."

"This is ridiculous...How can you say that no one loves you..."

"Now I am ridiculous. Jesus Christ Edward is there ever a moment during your day where you appreciate what you have, appreciate the home that you live in and the people surrounding you that only have your best interests at heart...Believe me, I didn't and now look what I have..."

"Bella stop this, stop talking like this..."

"Or what, what are you going to do...I have made my choice, I stand by that choice..."

_So damn stubborn, how can she turn around and be like this, is she not seeing that I want to help her that she doesn't have to be so down about herself and what was happening? _I ached to tell her to take her in my arms and hold on to her so tight so that she could cry the demon emotion out of her system – one moment to have her close to me, again because I have missed her.

"Edward, I am not sounding like a victim – okay maybe I am, but I have every reason to be upset about my life because everyone is at some point. Mum abandoned me and so, I need to survive and you have to let me do this on my own..."

"I don't want you to do this on your own!" I almost-shouted, she was backing away from me slowly and my feet maintained the same distance between us, I was preventing any chance of her running away from me...Losing her as a neighbour and in close proximity of my life was bad enough without having a second time to watch her walk away from me overwhelmed with emotion and I, left helpless with nothing to help her get through it all. "Bella, let me take this away...At least for now...Stop backing away from me, putting up the barrier...Yes, I have done wrong and no chance in hell am I stating that I am a saint because trust me, I know I am not one...I want to be here for you..."

"No, you cannot help me...Please the only thing you can do for me is to leave me alone..."

"I won't do that..."

"What like some crazed stalker who needs to be updated on my progress twenty four seven?"

"Don't make me sound like something I am not, listen Bella...This does not have to be something you face alone, I am reaching my limit here – what else do I have to do to prove that my desire to protect you is genuine?"

"I KNOW YOU'RE GENUINE...EDWARD, I CANNOT DO THIS ANYMORE...I CANNOT HAVE THE BATTLE WITH MYSELF ANYMORE!"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, DAMN IT, BELLA JUST TELL ME...FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, TELL ME?"

Her shouting had made me shout, she stumbled back and slammed her mouth shut as she blinked and released more tears down the existing trail of her cheeks and down to her jaw line on both sides. "It's nothing, nothing for you to ever burden yourself over...Thanks Edward for everything...Again...See you around..."

"Don't walk away from this..." I held her shoulders and turned her back around to face me, her hands instantly landed on my chest – the tingles from her skin on mine with only a thin layer of the fabric in my shirt was keeping the real contact of our skin moulding as one. Bella let out a sob and put her head to my chest the impact of her close proximity lowered my head as a result and I placed one kiss on the top of her head, the scent of strawberries the scent that only Bella has filled my nose as I took and breathed her in as she surrounded me in the magnificent way that only she can manage to make me feel.

In no time at all, she lifted her head back up and sniffed as her eyes gazed on mine, those chocolate orbs harbouring so much pain that I couldn't take away because of her barrier...I held her tighter, my arms clenching around her small frame our warmth combining together...I was reaching for any closeness for a few more seconds with her, our bodies with no spaces and no distance – just us, just the two of us.

"I have to...Please, let this go...Let me go..." She pleaded in a whisper, her voice on the verge of breaking.

My own emotion shot through me like an inferno and suddenly it was now my turn to fight back the moist feeling of my eyelids as her plea. Bella wanted me to stay out of her life, she hadn't said it in so many words because she was not that kind of person but there was a sudden weight on my heart and it suddenly became hard to breathe or to even form a sentence because of the constricted motion in my throat. Nodding, not being able to say anymore words...I released her, the warmth going away from my body as quickly as it had come in the first place.

In the blink of an eye, she was gone and watching her body disappear behind the corner, the fainting sound of her footsteps leaving the corridor...I realised the one thing that had been the answer to all of my problems and confusion.

Bella Swan belonged to me...She had been made for me.

I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with her – I had been all along.


	40. Striving Needs

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

_Damn it, damn your stupidity and damn your soul to hell, Bella Swan!_

If it were possible, I'd spend all the time possible punching and causing such severe harm to myself in as many ways deemed plausible to the human anatomy. Edward had managed to come and speak to me against all things right and, the plea in his eyes when he asked me to disclose what was wrong still haunts me in such a beautiful way, the shine in them and the faint glimmer of hope in suddenly knowing why I needed him to stay away from me.

How could I have neglected my own feelings in such a way? I had been on the brink in bearing my heart all things that have been swarming around my head and in every vein of my body for what seemed like years and years on end but, of course always the chicken and the 'scaredy cat' I backed away...Why I hear you ask?

Pure fear consumed my heart to speak of how much he meant to me, how much he had always in some small way meant to me without the natural grow as time and hours passed us all by – me and the rest of the beings living on planet earth that deal with the feelings and emotions of the purest love and passion imaginable...I was a coward, and I will always be a coward against the way my father has raised me and attempted to bring me up into adulthood to be...My father always wanted me to be strong but what the hell could he say about my backing away in fear, knowing of it and still not finding the ability to take the risk and plunge into the large deep hole of the unexpected. How was I to know that Edward can feel the same way, if he ever felt the same way...I cannot read his mind and would my bearing mine make everything different?

If he were to hear of how I feel about him, there was a nagging part of my soul that feared he would never be able to look at me in the same way, the same way that he had done in the moments given to me to take the cue and confess everything.

There I was, on the bed that had been loaned to me by Bekah, the murmurs from the pub down the stairs in the alcohol consumption area and the till to take in income from many willing customers and yet everything was different – there was an opportunity to change my life and to keep it safe I kept quiet, making the choice to live with once again just like the leaving of my mother and my family home...There was no one more vulnerable than me in this moment – the world knew how to make me feel so small and the makers of fate have used that to their advantage. What can I do? Sit here and wallow in the very depths of self-pity and hatred for making a decision that can never be undone or get on with things and pretend like nothing has happened?

I already know one thing that is set in stone, my pretending like nothing happened is going to be a recipe for failure because of how close I had been to telling him, the beauty in his eyes and the care radiating from them sends pain through my heart and brings it down further into sadness. Edward cares for me, but not in the way that I want him to...I will always be grateful to him for being there and maintaining a friendly relationship with me but, having him so close to me – the warmth of his rock hard chest imagining the physical stunning features underneath the fabric of his clothes – the menthol scent of his breath even in the middle of the school day, the glow of his evergreen eyes the eyes that make me feel so very much at home and so very safe in his presence was all too much to bear. Edward was just beautiful, handsome was not enough a definite word and the meaning behind handsome was far too simple not minding that beautiful is not usually considered a more feminine word for the members of my own sex, there was no other word. The man was a work of art and he already has some knowledge of how he looks to the opposite sex so would my telling him how I feel just inflate his existing ego and create nothing more?

In the moment he kissed my head, I wanted to sob loudly and clutch him with all the strength I could muster, wrapping my arms around him and never once letting go, his arms were made for me – as strange as that sounds fate was telling me that this was the person that I was destined to be with but of course the catch is that he may have another person in line for the other half of his soul.

A person can love another and never have it returned, but that is rejection and my heart already having to endure the rejection from my mother over a man that she had known a few hours had embarked upon too much pain to be rejected by the one person I truly need...A person that I want more than anything else in the world – more than I wanted my mother and house back and even my father coming back from the dead. I needed Edward Cullen, I needed him to hold me, to love me, to show me how he loves me even if it is a kiss on the cheek or a special letter of some kind to express how his heart is feeling, sometimes written words can express so much more than verbal communication and no matter how small the gesture the knowledge that my ex-neighbour loved me would make the rest of my life.

What had I done, I had blown my only chance to tell him, because of the need to have him in my life? This pain can be born if he remains in my life, we have another year after this one and the two of us will be embarking onto different paths but even then, counties and seas can separate us but nothing could manage to demolish our friendship and perhaps down the line, once we both get to that particular bridge to cross my feelings may have diminished...I have heard about crushes and how most of the time they can be passing fancies, like in novels a woman can find attraction within another man through a look or a physical gesture of the shaking of hands but there are plots that never describe their attraction being acted upon, by one or both parties of sexes so is that possible for Edward and I? Will my love for him go away and I may find someone else, life is that unexpected for me at the present time that I am not willing to draw out anything on my cards.

At the small knock on my door, I wiped away the tears I shed for Edward's plea with me, the sound of his voice replaying in my head like a broken CD and composed myself before speaking out for the first time since taking away Edward's hopes and mine of finding the answer that I had needed to say for so long.

"Come in..."

The door opened and Bekah peered her head around, giving me a warm smile but never saying a word stepping into the room and closing the door, leaving us both with only the company of each other...No genius can already assume that I have been emotional, my eyes felt puffy and heavy even to me so Bekah will have caught on - I just hope that she does not have to know the real ins and outs because she knows deep down that it is about Edward.

"Are you alright, sweetie...I know that is the wrong question to ask..." she trailed off, looking a little sheepish as she scratched her head awkwardly and sat down by my feet.

"I've been better..." I said giving her a lame shrug because even now, I didn't know what the correct word was to pinpoint my emotions and where my mind was going, honestly, I felt numb.

"Do you want to talk about anything?"

"Don't you have a pub full of..."

"I have staff members, Bella as you well know..." Bekah broke me off with a reassuring smile "things are running beautifully and I wanted to see whether you were okay...You didn't say a word when you came back..."

I felt a little guilty at her fact, I hadn't meant to make her worry or create any concerns for her, whenever I am feeling sad my habit is to shut myself away and dwell on things and trust me, it was not the healthiest of options for my mental health especially now there was time to dwell and think about things that may not have happened before because of my escape into schoolwork or even with my old childhood hobby of writing short stories.

"Sorry...I shut myself out from the world; let's just say others know when I am upset..."

"What happened at school?"

"What didn't happen at school...I wanted to get through the day without having to speak to Edward because my not talking to him doesn't then incline me to bear everything in front of him and make a fool out of myself..."

"How do you know that you're going to make a fool of yourself?"

"Please, if you could see him and then look at me...There's no contest..."

"Why do you put yourself down so much, I see a very motivated, intelligent and naturally beautiful girl who is going to go far in life...Now, with Edward and like with any men of the earth that is going to cause a blip in the road but it's just a blip..."

"I have never felt this way about anyone before and, I'm ill-equipped...I see these couples endless amounts of people who know how they feel about each other, finish each other sentences and know absolutely everything with an extensive knowledge about one another and get on so well...What's their story?"

"Some people just click...There are the luckier ones that meet men or women of course who are their equal and who in turn they can spend the rest of their lives with...Can you honestly sit there and tell me that Edward doesn't care about you?"

"No, because I know he cares..."

"Then, doesn't that show you something?"

"No because the care he has for me is not the same as the care I feel about him..."

"Has he given you any indication that your ending up together is impossible?"

"I don't know much about body language..."

"It's common sense, sweetie not body language...If a guy isn't interested in you, do you honestly believe in your soul that he would ever make the conscious choice to see how you are doing because I bet that is what happened isn't it..."

"Well..."

"Who asked first?"

"Um...Edward...He ran after me at break and we were in this corridor and..."

"So, he must have some signal in his brain to tell him that he needed to see how you are, most young women don't even get looked at by members of the opposite sex, most of them end up being victimised and bullied, instead..."

"Edward would never bully me..."

"Bella, I think that you need to allow yourself to be more open, love is not an impossible journey for you, I mean look at the way you are and the way your personality shines when speaking to me..."

"I don't see myself very clearly...I never have done..."

"Then it's time for a change, tell me Bella...What did he ask you in the corridor?"

I rattled my brain, frankly I had forgotten most of the conversation because of my angry head yelling at me to not look into his eyes and lose all trail of speech and understandable English...Lowering my head, swallowing the building dryness in my throat.

"He stopped me...Asked me how I was...I was in a complete battle...My head was screaming at me to stay away because of the risk of my heart being broken and my heart screamed at me to tell him, take the risk...Do it, because at least then he would know but I am scared of losing him as a friend. Instead, I escaped every point, assuring him that everything was alright and that I am coping...We ended up raising our voices and saying things that didn't make much sense, the nonsensical speech majority-wise my own and, he pleaded with me...He knew that something was wrong and he still has some knowledge in his mind about a hidden secret that I did not want to share and...His plea...I crumbled, landed in his arms – or on his chest at least and...Bekah I can't tell you...How much I felt, the emotions coming at me from left, right and centre breathing in the smell of his clothes and hearing the beating of his heart..." My voice went and a sob escaped my mouth and in instinct, I covered my mouth with the back of my hand and composed myself in quick time before my listener could stop me...I needed to tell someone.

"Bekah...His arms, his arms are my world...My breathing, my purpose...His heart beats for me no matter how long we are together every moment of that is mine to cherish because every moment with him is precious..."

"Oh Bella..."

"Please, don't comfort me – don't be nice to me...I don't deserve niceness, I make these stupid decisions because of fear...I never want to lose him, but if he found out...There is a negativity in my soul telling me that he will never look at me in the same way...The same way he did in that corridor – the same way he does whenever he speaks with me...I want him...Nothing else..."

"Bella, listen to me...You mustn't be afraid..."

"I love him, Bekah...I have fallen so hard for him all because of the bet he made – the only reason that he and I ended up in the same social circles and ever had the chance of getting to know one another because of his wrongdoings...The reason he came into my life was because at the beginning he had a plan, the wrong plan but the right one because I got to know him, who he was and the desire of change in him...He changed..."

"He changed because of you, Bella..."

"No he didn't..."

"He did, when under threat of losing you as a friend, a young woman who he would never have gone near at anytime for the rest of your school lives says that she wants nothing to do with him and conveniently he changes his whole life and attitude around..."

"There was that want in him all along to change, I take no credit in it..."

"You should..."

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Edward, darling what's the matter?"

I hadn't spoken to my mum or my brother...Not even the dog since my coming back home after the school day. My head was in such a whirlwind, I had a headache because of the nagging feeling that there was something Bella, my Bella wasn't telling me – for some reason she may feel afraid or another kind of emotion was stopping her. Holding her, I felt as if I was holding my whole life in the palm of my hand and I was far too busy wondering and concerning myself with what she was not telling me rather than what I should have been telling her.

That was the problem, my heart has changed drastically towards her but will she ever find it in her heart to accept me that way? Especially when I have treated her so very badly at the beginning of our journey up until now?

I had only changed because of her, and she had done me the biggest favour in my entire life because of her belief that I could manage to change my attitude around and as always my gratitude as endless as it is in amounts will always be sent to her for making me see the errors and the effects as to what the way I used to live and what it made for certain individuals – my treatment of them.

Mum had come in to my room, but my eyes were up to the design of my whitewashed ceiling, tears filling them but those tears never managing to be shed until this moment at the reassuring and comforting sound of my mother's voice. I felt like a little boy, again...The little boy who loves his mother so unconditionally that whatever she says he holds on to with every breath he inhales into his lungs because she can always know how to make things better. A small gesture of a hug, a kiss and an ear to listen with is all I have ever needed inside my heart.

"Baby?" A smooth hand on mine, the un-missable mother's touch soaring volumes of sadness into my heart but saving me at the same time...The kind of effect that only she had on me.

"Mum, am I a bad person?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Please answer me honestly, am I a bad person?"

"No my baby boy...You have never been bad, there have been times where I have been so scared that the life path you were embarking towards would have been the worst possible option...But ever since Bella..."

"What ever since Bella?"

"Bella has made some kind of change in you, I feel that I will always feel more for her because of her restoration to bring my son back to me...My old Edward who I have loved so much and for so long..."

"Can I tell you something, mum?"

At that question, the threat of my voice disappearing completely – mum shifted her positioning, allowing the bed to sink under her weight as her hair brushed my left cheek, she had managed to lie herself down, the same position as I and her eyes gazing up, accompanying my own to the ceiling her hand was still on mine, now hers had moved and was giving me comforting sensations with small circular motions of her thumbs into my palm almost like the way a masseuse does to release any tension from a particular part of the body.

"You can tell me anything sweetheart..." mum whispered solemnly and genuinely into the silence of the rest of the room, only the audible sounds being our combined breathing almost in complete unison.

Taking a deep breath, ready to tell the only person who can know the deepest wants and desires of my heart which had strangely overgrown because my image of women had changed...The many reasons why I loved Bella was because she had never been like the other females around me...She didn't find me attractive and therefore did not boost my ego which at the beginning pissed me off. Now, she could not be any more beautiful and perfect to me and of course, much to my luck I had realised all of this too fucking late!

I shifted my body around, my weight resting on the left side of my body, my face inches away from my mother's shoulder, the faint scent of her perfume reminding me that she was the only person who could hear this. This rare occasion that I, Edward Cullen can disclose that I am in love...For the first time in my life.

"There's something that you should know about...Me..."

"Yes my sweetheart?" Mum broke me off, her voice always so soft and caring towards the son who had caused her so much disappointment that one day, I hope so much to make her forget in the future, all of my mistakes erased enough so that no one may speak of them again or if they do, only in the humorous way and not in a reminiscent of the pain in memory.

"I'm...I'm in love with Bella, mum..." I whispered just loud enough for her to hear, at the confession my heart suddenly swelled up a good five sizes and all that's left was the emotion of keeping it all inside...I leaned my head on her shoulder and let the tears fall, maintaining the sobs at bay so as not to startle or break the atmosphere.

"Oh my boy..." mum soothed kissing me on my hand and clutching my hand properly in her own to scrounge some kind of comfort to give to me "I have always known somewhere that it was true..." mum added.

"You knew before m...Me..." I stammered sniffing loudly...I couldn't remember ever crying so much or having the need to break away the emotion from my system to feel better – Bella has changed me in so many ways that nothing is simple, anymore.

"Listen, don't talk just listen...Bella is an amazing young woman, with everything going for her...She is beautiful, wise, intelligent, caring, supportive, trustworthy and basically possesses every trait admirable and likeable in a human soul. Any man is lucky to have her, but you are even luckier to have her, Edward because she has forgiven you even after everything that has happened between the two of you, she trusts us with Cosmo and that is the sign of a good friend..."

"I don't want to be her friend..."

"I know you don't..."

"Nothing makes sense, I have loved her all along – even at the beginning when I was making that bet...How could I have been so blind?"

"Edward, what is stopping you telling her exactly what you have just done with me?"

"I don't want to lose her..."

"Why say that?"

"Oh God..."

"Do you have any idea where she is staying, Edward?"

"No...I wish with everything I have to know where she is, if only to get some kind of closure to how safe she really is and whether she has told me the truth..."

"I want you to tell her, Edward..."

"You do?"

"Never has a member of the female gender made you so unglued, Edward...Look at you, a few years ago I may have guessed that you could never love someone..."

"I know..."

"The one person who has changed you has become the object of your affection...I want you to follow her in your car tomorrow after school and hide the car away but close enough to know where she is because I, as well as yourself need to know how she is doing..."

"That's bordering on stalkerish..."

"That is being a good friend, and then you are going to tell her how you feel..."

"I want to tell her..."

"What do you have to lose?"

"I risk losing her friendship..."

"If she is the person that I already know she is then, nothing will stop your friendship – if there happens to be the slightest true affection on her side then she will let you know in her own way, but never once feel hatred for her if she does not return them..."

"I'll never hate her...I'll never be able to..."

"Find out, find out where she is and tell her how you feel my boy, for me do this...Also do it for yourself because falling in love is so rare in this day and age with the younger generation and...I think you may find that the two of you share more in common than you have once believed..."

"Will it work?"

"You'll never know until you try..."

With mum's reassurance, I made the choice to tell Bella as soon as possible...I could not see her in school without gazing on her in a contrasting vision to that of friendship...This was all too soon, I have only known of my love for her for such a small amount of time but, I could not live my life without knowing – whether she had an answer. Good or bad, I needed to know where she was then at least there was never going to be any regrets.

I have made too many regrets in life to make one more, now.


	41. Spectacular Chances

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Cosmo!"

That damn dog is a menace at the best of times, the time only being when I am in a nice sleep and made to snap out of it because of the hullabaloo raging out of his slobbery gob. Mum and I had stayed up in silence for hours on end with each other on the bed, the same way that she had always held me when I was a little boy leaving the rest of the world to fall away and leave only the two of us, the only people that mattered in that particular moment in time.

I flew out from under the duvet cover and landed hard on the carpet, at least my feet did and the cold temperature from the wooden floor beneath me soared up from my toes to right at the very peak of my head but anything that can make the dog shut up at least for another five minutes was a lifeline I was willing to grasp – pain, cold or nothing at all.

Something was up about the dog, almost like he had sniffed a large amount of helium or maybe some crack through a straw whilst all of us were out of the house yesterday and the evil substances, the substances that had been keeping me up from the first real chance of sleep in weeks and weeks had not yet filtered from his blood properly and now he acts like a complete arse in order to sprint it all off around the garden. We had been lucky with Cosmo that Bella must have trained him up to use the simple gesture of scratching or pawing the back door in order to indicate his need to go out there and do his doggy business – she had done more wonders with that animal than anyone else because of the love she had for him in her care and how well-behaved he is as a household pet.

Already up, I groaned for a final time to the walls of the room and let Cossie out as I stepped out in pursuit with him and made my way to the bathroom, not my own one but the bigger one that only my parents use when both of them are here, my mother uses it the majority of the time but seeing as she had a late-night with me, I doubted she was going to be up at the same time I was.

Managing to get to the bathroom without any interruptions or near-collisions with Emmett, the idiot always takes advantage of the same bathroom when my mother was the only parent at home – when they were both at home the principal of staying out of bounds was much easier to follow because of the mere idea that the two of them may be having some second or third rendezvous' in the shower – if you get my drift...

I closed the door and turned on the light, luckily inches away from me and on a hanging cord and the fan immediately switched on creating the small hum in the room to prevent any of the steam staying on the windows and staining them. The shower was the biggest in the house and this bathroom was the only one which had a separate bathtub and shower unit, Emmett's had both because he had chose it before me and I only had the shower because that was all I had needed. Now, I needed to be alone to gather my thoughts and courage as to following Bella when she walked home, this afternoon.

I feared that Bella would have the belief that I was sticking my nose in far too much into her personal business but look at her mother – she does not even deserve to have the parental title of mother because of her obvious lack in the caring gene and personality...Letting her poor daughter roam around and be in goodness knows where whilst she forgets all memory of ever having a child or a happy family down memory lane. The woman needed to be hurt, badly either physically or emotionally perhaps even both if there was any law of justice in the world and an act of karma to resolve all things. Usually, I do not wish arm on anyone undeserving – especially the members of the female sex but, Bella's mum was not humane...No person possessing any humanity or soul would do such a thing!

Lying with my mum last night brought back all the moments that I had intentionally missed out on since childhood and it is only when an individual goes without something, a particular section of their routine that when they have the chance to get it back, the realisation of how much you might have missed it falls into place. I had forgotten how amazing and utterly loving my own mother is, there is no one as loving and genuinely pure as her in heart in the rest of the people we know and probably the rest of the human race...She had always known how to make me feel better and the little child still there in my soul coming more into light recently opened his arms out to her last night and she was all too willing to take the embrace and hold me with gentility and honesty – speaking only when my sobs had calmed down in a small amount of time or when she felt deep down that it was necessary.

Turning on the shower handle, I let the spraying water fall to the floor and down to the drain beneath as I waited for the temperature to increase to a comfortable one...I stripped out of my rock band T-shirt, one of them anyway that I use purely to sleep in and my pyjama bottoms...Usually I only sleep in my boxers but call me an idiot...My mother would not want a peep show on the side making a special cameo appearance when she is trying to make me feel better...That and the reality that the weather outside flowing naturally into the winter months makes wearing just boxers surprisingly difficult.

The water warmed and I stepped into the shower, taking the mental note to bask under the spray for as long as possible before the hot water ran out and my elder brother had a heart attack or at least attempted to kill me, first.

Bella, my whole world, thought train and reason for living was Miss Bella Swan, no matter how much time I have managed to go without her name or her beautiful face crossing once like a flashing image in my head for probable mere moments or even bloody milliseconds I cannot stop for a good amount of time – she is constantly a factor in my routine and there was no way in hell that years down the line if I do not take the plunge and confess how I feel to her, I may never stop thinking about her when married to another woman – always pondering on the one young woman in the entire world who personally and unknowingly tamed the school arsehole Edward Cullen and became the first girl who had ever captured his heart and who he fell in love with. No other member of the female sex had been anything to me but conquests and sadly very easy thanks to my natural charm which became a trait I was obvious in at a very early age they were even easier to give me services. What was sickening was that Bella was a person who my body ached for, every inch of my being wanted to remain close to her, breathe and take her in – I want to do things to her that I have never wanted to do to any other – not even Tanya and Rosalie who I slept with regretfully on a drunken whim before my brother and her ever began to have feelings for one another. Those two nights had acts based around me and no one else – the woman did all the work and even though Tanya and Rose are never going to be as amazing as Bella Swan, the same age but with a whole different personality entirely I did regret ever allowing women to just pleasure me and never give anything back – the ultimate indication about how selfish I had been still causes headaches and the desire to hit myself within me.

The only thing I didn't want, that I could not physically think about without my heart pulling hard in my chest in pain was Bella finding out my plan this afternoon and like once before where I went insane being without her, living with the regret of hurting her and having her leave my life, again out of her own choice because of the pain in seeing the look in my eyes everyday and have the situation flash through her mind like a speeding car.

I just wished so much that she wasn't going to hate me.

~~**~Bella~**~~

I was already in the school toilets so damn early that Bekah hadn't seen me go out of the pub this morning, why was I in the toilets? The pub wasn't a good place to truly appreciate my own time to wallow in the tears of what had happened yesterday. The aftermath and the emotion running so torturously slowly through every area of my body and through the very hidden surfaces of my bones was still so raw that it may as well be playing out as a scene of a play in front of my eyes in the claustrophobia of the cubicle. Edward Cullen had already proven to be the death of my old self, the self that didn't mind being looked at by the members of the other gender because they all strived to get into my underwear, and there isn't much to behold anyway but that pure reality put me off the idea of ever needing to be wanted in an intimate and very beautiful way in the opinions of some in the human race was something to desire. Now, my attitude had changed and my heart had swollen five times since living in the new village that originally may have been my nightmare has now turned into the best decision and life path my mother and I ever made to get away from the memory of my father and my childhood with him still vital in my family and personal life – I wanted to be considered that way, not in a pure sexual way either – with just one look to a man you end up with a back hard against the wall and bruises from the impact and movement of intimate sex...Was it so wrong to want to be loved and to have it shown in the correct, romantic way that all lovers of care and love want? I am a romantic because of my love for the greatest romances expressed in plays and books from classical literature fiction and I want to have my own great story told to my Grandchildren and perhaps my great-great Grandchildren one day...My story may not be one that everyone in the world is going to know like most celebrities and people who have intentionally made a name for themselves but my story will be great because it is all mine, and people I hope are going to be proud that they share my blood down each generation. This is my life and, as much as I would love more than anything to have it happening with Edward to be the person I spend the rest of the living days with – perhaps now was the time to get over him, even force myself to not think of him as much...Was it healthier that way?

Come on, in realistic terms he is never going to see me that way, I was not a Tanya Denali and I was definitely not a Rosalie so what chance in a blue moon would I encounter? Do the plainest of Jane's compared to the beauty queen's gain the prince on the white horse...A prince so beautiful and so superior to the mere peasant girl standing in his horse's way? Was it going to be a tale of a strong man and a meek woman finding strength in the love that changes her life forever?

"What am I doing here so early, damn the Einstein nerd who snitched on me, she is going to get a few surprises in her Bunsen burner in her next biology lesson!" I knew the scorn in that voice – that voice could kill all the birds in the trees and make all military soldiers pull out their guns ready to fire. Tanya.

"Tan...Chill...You're lucky I was here, we both have some snitches that need to be taught a lesson...No one else is in this early..." Rosalie!

Their voices were so loud that it was doubtful they may have noticed the fact that one of the eight cubicle doors was closed. In fear of them catching on that it was me or someone who could file under the 'Einstein Nerds', I pushed my bottom backward and brought my legs up a little painfully to hug against my chest so that my shoes may not be recognised...It hurt to be hunched on the small space of the toilet lid but the other option of getting out and meeting them was not a chance I was willing to take.

"How's everything going with Jasper?" As they spoke, the sound of lids and things being opened were muffled behind them, they must have been indulging in the touch-up on the paint make-up so early in the morning their natural skin can never hope of making an appearance even to each other. I had the sneaky suspicion that both these girls even wore makeup to bed – I dreaded to think what their skin could look like underneath the mask portrayed to everyone in their lives both in school and at home, whatever life they lived at home.

"He's amazing...So sexy...He turns me on the moment he steps into the room, he only has to brush my hand with one of his fingers and I come undone..."

"What about his chocolate finger?"

Rosalie's tone of voice turned seductive and teasing, a chocolate finger did not take much guessing to figure out and acting just on instinct and not wanting to wait and see whether they were being literal on the chocolate front, I covered my face with my hands – hating myself for the little pang of curiosity at how well-endowed the self-absorbed Jasper Hale could be and whether he lived up to Edward's standards in her many fucks under her belt.

"I'd say a bar and three quarters..."

"Really?"

"Yeah...But Edward had the most delicious chocolate bar of all..."

_Oh now it is getting to unwanted territory! _

"I'd say three bars...I could eat every drop of him up..."

_They must not know that I am in here...Jesus Christ; I didn't want to know that the one man's body I craved like a favourite food was well-endowed in the sexiest area! No, no this is not good!_

"Then again, Jasper is a good second..."

"Sure but come on, he wasn't able to make me pass out from coming like Edward..." _Stupid cow, that's a lie and a half – Edward has already confessed to me that he never gave a girl pleasure, only they gave it to him!_

"I have heard he is pretty good..." _Has Rosalie not told Tanya that she is one of Edward's easy lays?_

"It seems he is too busy following that Bella Swan around like a headless chicken, perhaps she has a pussy that smells like daisies!"

"Bella Swan, no way...It's just a phase, he will get sick of her and move on to the next bookworm – however that type is not a typical Cullen choice because look at Emmett and I, he gives me sex whenever I want it and I, in return...I bear his conversation..."

"Whatever happened to the whole 'I am in love' charade..."

"Just a charade, he didn't turn out to be the person I thought he was..."

"Well there is always the younger Cullen, he lives up to more expectation than the eldest..."

"That I can believe..."

"Do you have any mascara?"

"Yeah...Here, so what do you have planned for the weekend?"

"Few parties, lots of drink – maybe getting in the pants of a few sexy guys on my 'to do' list...What about you?"

"Jasper's coming round, so I suppose..."

"All-night fuck fests?"

"Only the best for us..."

"I guess we will both be getting our calories burned this weekend, then?"

"Hell yeah of course, now that I look somewhat amazing...I can face the world and lessons again, if Montgomery asks me to shred paper in the next detention I will grab his hand and put it through the fucking machine..."

"I may have to join you with that...Come on, let's get some much-needed tobacco in before we go to lesson..."

At the sound of the door closing, I emerged from the toilet seat and stood up, my legs buckling ever so violently my mouth permanently fixed in the wide 'o' shape from the revelations and the amount of information taken in whether intentionally from the two of the biggest egotistical girls in the entire world over or not. One thing, Emmett was with the wrong girl – there was me believing that they were the perfect couple because they only had eyes for one another the second was that Tanya and Jasper were a couple and still active and thirdly the object of my affections had a big secret department. Damn this, why did all these kinds of situations fall into my lap – had Rosalie and Tanya known that I was in here, making comments about me that honestly fell on my deaf ears because I was too wrapped up in the comments raised about the man I love's brother?

Those kind of girls were the kind of people that needed to be destroyed, shown a large dose of karma because of the sadness they have created on loads of vulnerable girls or at least given a slow and very painful death so that the suffering is prolong and long drawn-out.

Crouching down not wanting to look at my shocked face in the mirror, I splashed my flushed skin from hearing about Edward's private parts with cold water and smoothed away the worried lines as to whether Emmett knew anything about his relationship and where his girlfriend was heading at the weekend...Who was I, a complete nobody to say anything to him? Emmett Cullen is the last person who was going to believe anything that Bella Swan says and he is never going to start now.

Taking a slow deep breath in, trying to clear the haze of my head away, I stood back upright and walked out of the toilets and into the deserted corridor, the reason Rosalie and Tanya were here was because of punishment, I was here because the living with real life was not appealing now that my life was gone.

I didn't know what to do, what to think or where to go...Instead, until five minutes before the bell rang to manage to get to my locker and grab my things the library is my next port of call – at least there will not be anyone to gawk at me and I can still remain alone until the rest of the students in the school prove that to be impossible.

~~**~Edward~**~~

The school morning traffic was the kind of time in the day where a person can literally die of boredom, a lot of buses with slow drivers both in mind and driving ability but also the fact that dumb little kids walk out in front of moving vehicles without ever looking correctly...No wonder there were so many incidents in busy towns – the drivers and the pedestrians each hold some kind of blame for fatalities but when a small child, introduced far too early into the world of modern technology that is an iPod or Mp3 player then it's every driver to him or herself to determine whether their tyres or approach can be heard through the blare in the child's ear drums. Those things are a liability when walking anywhere – that is why my own, only introduced to me a year ago when they came out stays in the confines of my car – mostly because I do not want anyone to take the piss out of how much classical music there is on there. Suddenly it's a crime to like Debussy!

Once I got to the school, parking in the same spot where no one dare fill up because of my built reputation which I couldn't care less about anymore, I stepped out and wanted to shoot a disgusted look at Rosalie and Tanya, secretly swigging drags of tobacco behind the usual bike sheds, the teachers knew about the sheds but did not once attempt to catch anyone in the act because of timing. If a teacher were to come out now, it would be perfection to catch the two socialites red-handed – they were too dumb to look for people who may be coming their way, I'd snitch them up if I possessed the energy to watch them attempt and wriggle their own excuses around the teacher's little fingers. With some young ones it has worked because all Rosalie and Tanya have to do is hike up their skirt and show a bit of skin and they manage to get a distraction to the deemed punishment but also a sneak-peak at some new hard-ons. Rosalie and Tanya live for sex and woe betide anyone following Jasper to become intimate with them, from what I have experienced since being with both of them is that nothing down there has been checked since two times before my own visit, I had been tested before going into both of them because of the rumour STD's were flying around Farningham. Tanya and Rosalie, rightly so were the prime suspects and of course, my socialising with them may have transferred onto my own body and I was not going to have that.

I was all-clear and now, all-clear of them and their little games, Emmett was welcome to Rosalie and Jasper was very much welcome to Tanya – all I could think about was Bella, my beautiful Bella who was like a breath of much needed fresh air to the stink of my reputation-building creation.

My lessons were not much to behold, today – once again the schooling was mediocre and I possessed the academic ability to take any of the teachers down, much like Bella we could both consistently run every lesson on their itinerary and teach it differently so that the pupils have a mix of fun and learning. Damn us for ever thinking such a thing, these old prunes excelled in their subjects and with a hint of whiskey stashed in their desks there are many that can...Anyone can teach with alcoholic substances in them – many can fly to the moon with alcohol in them!

Damn this day, damn me for wanting to make or break Bella's heart in following her to where she is staying later on, today. I know that she wasn't coping, there was going to be one specific moment in time when everything, all the bad feelings come piling onto her and prove to be too heavy and she breaks down...I knew that was going to happen for Bella because of her sensitive nature, she felt things strongly and that was a sign of the purest heart – the heart that I want so much to be mine, to hold and to cherish and take care of much like a small pet before it's grown and gains independence.

I needed to be there for her, and man was I going to...

~~**~Bella~**~~

*(Lunchtime)*

There was nothing significant about the four lessons gone, frankly, I couldn't remember what they were...My soul was waiting to gain some more information that I did not ever wish to hear, that no sane person in humanity would want to hold inside their heads and their hearts. Hear some rumour, no doubt about me that has concocted from somewhere since others in the queen bee crowd believe that Edward has become a headless chicken from following me...I wanted him to follow me but none of that was true. Why were they so bothered about him being with me, did I repulse them that much that the idea of our being together in my most desired fantasies never once crossed their minds? What was so incredible about the two of us, there was a friendship between us and we liked to be in each other's company and suddenly the bullies make up this vision of my being a stalking vampire predator hunting on the three chocolate-barred human boy to bite into his flesh and bring him into immortality?

Edward Cullen and Bella Swan couldn't even be friends in the school world, what the hell was going to happen to people if we were ever lovers? Would we have people's blood on our hands from deaths of surprise?

"Bella, where are you?"

Tor had been saying things to me for the past half an hour, my food once again going untouched at the table in front of us but the sound of her voice had dimmed and gradually decreased in volume and my daydream taking over me.

"Sorry..." I answered her, lifting my head away from balancing on my hand, my elbow numbing from how still it had been in position on the table.

"Are you alright, you're ever so quiet, today..." Tor gave me the 'inspection' look, the one where she knew that no matter how many times I may try to deny it there was something wrong her eyebrow raised in suspicion.

"Yeah, just things are a little hard at the moment..."

"Really how come?"

_Let's see, I am in love for the first time in my life, my mother has gone walkies with her new mutt and me, where am I left...Some crummy old bar with pensioner perverts hitting on me every minute I pass them with my cleaning supplies? Did you want to hear anything else?_

"Life, really..."

"Well, how about you come to my party this weekend..."

_Tor...Tor having a party...Hold on a minute that doesn't sound like her!_

"Your party?"

"Yeah...It's going to be a small thing, only my most trusted friends and there won't be anyone there that know you but all of them are easy to talk to. Sparking up a conversation about literature or mathematics usually does the trick..."

_What that means is, a gathering of highly-academic minded people with only conversation about the educational system at hand to make an impression...Sounds like my cup of tea!_

"Thank you for the invite...I'll have a think about it...Can you put me down as a maybe?"

"Sure thing..."

"Thanks" I sipped the rest of my appletizer out of the can and threw it into the bin next to me, that is where I belong now – close proximity with the bin at all times because someone may be tempted to pick me up and chuck me headfirst into the depths of the bag.

"Hey Bella!"

I sighed and looked intently at Tor, she must have only just realised that we had a new visitor because the realisation was scrawled all over her face, almost showing pain rather than surprise...I swallowed the nausea in my throat and turned my head around, to Tanya's twisted smile that held no meaning or honesty whatsoever. "I was wondering if you could help me..."

"Me, help you?" I didn't care how I spoke to her, everyone else was safe enough to duck their heads down and say nothing but, me, and there was nothing to lose in my life. All of my safety had been grabbed from underneath me and my option now was to walk on hot coals instead of the usual comfort of a carpet at home.

"Yes, we were wondering how long it takes someone like you in the toilet?"

_Damn it, they knew...They knew and now they are going to make some stupid questions up just like that one to embarrass me...Right Denali you want to be embarrassed, bring it on!_

"A long time...I guess being in the toilet is nothing compared to weekend fuck fests...Then again, someone with a flower smelling vagina will never know that will they...I am not the one who has caught diseases here there and everywhere, Tanya so back off!"

"Swan has an attitude, now it becomes clearer about how much Edward wants to fuck you. Don't cross me, sweetheart because you'll lose..."

"What are you going to do, burn geeks with a Bunsen burner, give Hale a disease or maybe just maybe secretly fantasise that it's Edward you're fucking and not Hale. What was it that you said about almost passing out when Edward pleasured you...Would you like to say that, again...?" I knew very well that Edward was somewhere sitting in the canteen and it was now my job to make Tanya's life as miserable as possible – Edward was never going to defend the lie that she had been so aroused that all vision had been lost – that much I did know about him.

Tanya's face suddenly went from triumphant to downright petrified in under a second, she knew what this meant...All lies that had spouted from her mouth were going to be made public by the plain Jane that she had wanted so much to originally destroy – how's that one for brownie points!

"I don't know what you're talking about..."

"Oh no, then maybe you should spend more time in a doctor's office rather than spouting lies about people who never deserve to have your victimisation. People like you, Tanya are fucked up in the head...You crave attention and live your life on being wanted but there is no soul and nothing to admire. One day, when the rest of the world is through with you, not burdening themselves with such a useless, insecure, sex-addicted mess your death will be a lonely and painful one. Say hello to Satan when you get to hell..." I spat, my mind completely forgetting every pupil around me...I did not have to shout because all attention was on mine and Tanya's little argument. Why had she come here in the first place? Saying hello so sweetly and then with an inner plan to make me pay for listening to her and Rose's conversation. Believe me, she is the kind of creature who I'd destroy all day, saying things about her personality that she knew deep down inside reeked nothing but the truth.

With a hair flip, Tanya walked off...Tor just gawked at me like some kind of legend statue or painting in a museum and, keeping my dignity...I stood up and walked away from the table and out of the canteen altogether...There had been no teachers to overhear our moment – except the pupils that were seated close by.

"Bella..."

"Edward, not now!" Why had he come after me? To praise me, to give me a pat on the back for being the only person to stand up to the Barbie who once owned his dick? I didn't want Edward's praise...I just wanted him and with the adrenaline going through my system wasn't going to help my controlled forced actions to keep as much distance from his heavenly arms and warm skin as I can.

"Stop..." His hands grasped my shoulders and he turned me, himself...My body already at the feel of his touch under his command. I swear to this, the moment Edward's skin ever made contact with mine, in any way...My soul and body connected became a puppet...Willing to obey to the master controlling it.

"That was amazing, Bella..." He whispered rubbing my shoulders gently...Releasing all the hunched tension from the anger Tanya had created within me.

"Please..."

"Take the compliment, Bell...I never pleasured Tanya in that way..."

"I know that" _Why do you think that I defended you?_

"Thank you for saying that I do not deserve her lies, you seem to be the only person who cares enough about me, Bell..."

"I do care, that is what friends are for..." I brushed away the compliment, I did care about him...More so than I ever should and it pained me to have him so close – his skin creating waves of passion and lust through my veins and he never once knowing this effect he had on me, he will never know and that is something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

"I have to get to the library..." Edward nodded before the chance of finishing the sentence had been made open to my voice, understanding the sign of my wanted disappearance...He must have gained knowledge in the fact that escapism had become a popular factor whenever he was around me, the moment my heart changed was when I needed to be away from him. Edward released my shoulders, the sensations washing away as quickly as they had been made known to my brain and I turned on my heel and walked away from him the air from the speed of my steps blowing into my hair.

Instead of going home for the free period, I went and did the work assigned today – at least then it was done and the chance to be alone in my new temporary bedroom to think and ponder was allowed. That was the only thing to do apart from earn a living to pay something to Bekah for keeping me up.

~~**~Edward~**~~

Bella was amazing...

Correction...Spectacular!

The girl who had been so nervous and fragile as the new student coming into the school to enrol when everyone else had already started and made friends had now blossomed into the most passionate and spirited girl since my knowing her. No other person can ever take down Tanya Denali because of her face in villainy – others bowed down to her, none of them would ever think about speaking back to her in the way that Bella had done – the new Bella Swan simply had to stand up to people who she hated and the main point was, she had defended me...

Bella had defended me, Edward Cullen the complete opposite end of the social spectrum to the opinions and views the populars...I was relieved that her listening to a conversation between Tanya and Rose had cleared up my name, somewhat. Tanya's bullshitting was no news to me, that is why now I wish Jasper all the luck in the world because the only way to ever keep that girl happy and prevent her from spreading lies about you is to constantly fuck her brains out and stop all verbal communication from lack of oxygen supply in the lungs. Mind-blowing orgasms have a tendency to take away all free speech.

I had needed to tell her that her show with the bitch was amazing, however like recently in a form of habit she had wanted to get away from me. The something that she had chosen not to tell me was now driving me insane because of her reaction of being unable to look into my eyes, before she had gazed into them and I was always so entranced by them but now – the beauty of the chocolate orbs seemed like a distant memory.

Having a double free period, I decided to stay in the school purely because Bella had decided to stay, of course my plan to follow her was still to go ahead because the regret of losing her had been overtaken by the determination to make her speak to me, she was going to tell me what she couldn't tell me if I had to die trying.

Leaving the library out of the planning, in case that makes me too much like a stalker, I went up and made a seat for myself in the lonely music room which was not visited by me in a while. If I couldn't speak to anybody, then there was always the option of making a new composition at hand.

~~**~Bella~**~~

*(End of School)*

The final ringing of the bell gave relief and solace to the end of a disastrous day, so many things had happened and so many things are left for me now to ponder and dwell on since there are enough hours in the evening to do that, even with my new job.

Wrapping my coat around my front and trailing up my zip, I started to walk the long trek back to Bekah's – not minding that the bitter tinge in the air outside was enough to make all of the features of my face fall into numbness and immobility. Some things in life cannot be helped and my not investing in a knitted face mask was one of them.

I had about forty minutes before all the memories of the school day could be erased and my new thought shower consisting of how can I manage to get around the customers without my body once being touched, that seemed like the daily challenge for me at this present moment in time – there should be a prize at the end of it.

Perhaps Edward Cullen's heart...

Oh if only that were possible!

~~**~Edward~**~~

My Volvo was now renamed the agent's mobile at how slowly I was driving it and how cautious I was being with the back of Bella's head, if she were once to turn and find my recognisable car following her there was the chance to run and hide...There were two other cars in front of me and it was nice to be behind them at least until there route changed, this girl had already been walking about half an hour in the barely single digit temperatures suddenly my curiosity was burning at the very pits of my stomach at just where she was keeping shelter, we were way beyond the Farningham villages or even where the school was, the outskirts of that were well off of the radar, I didn't know where we were but it was getting darker outside and I had a limited chance left to see Bella visibly without the use of my headlights.

I felt incredibly bad that I was basking in the heating of my car, if Bella trusted me enough like she should do to tell me where she was staying then my passenger seat was always going to be given to her, even if she decided not to have it – the offer was there, watching her walk almost effortlessly in the numbing cold brought back the memories of stopping her on the way to Rose's party...Wearing less layers but less time walking. I held her in my arms that night in the backseat of this car, oblivious to her beauty, to her heart and to her soul all the stunning components that made me want her desperately to be mine...How could I have been so foolish and missed out on her back then? Did I have to be truthful to her in order to fall more appreciatively in love with her?

As Bella turned into a dark street, a sign that the road was smaller so the destination was nearer, I gawked around at nothing but flats and shops and a small road...She was heading towards what looked like one line of street coming to a dead end...Where the fucking hell were we?

I parked up the car, the pavement had existing cars in front and behind mine but Bella had slowed down her walking pace crossing a small road opposite me and had brought one hand out of her coat pocket, the strap of her bag once balancing on her shoulder drooping down to her forearm and opened the door to a pub, lit up on the inside and the outside surrounded with the fumes of tobacco smoke...Had Bella become an alcoholic since leaving home? It didn't make sense, Bella had touched one drink in front of me, I got the impression that alcohol was never a consideration for someone like her because of her natural sensibility...Then again the poor soul had been under so much that one little drink may help ease the pain for a temporary time.

Clearing my throat, the butterflies from the sudden nerves hitting me swam through the linings of my stomach and intestines, I turned off the engine putting the gearstick in neutral and climbed out, feeling the distinctive difference between the air that Bella had been surrounded with and the air that I had.

Locking the car with the button on my set of keys, I walked up to the pub doors and ignoring the dirty chuckles of the drunkards misted by the killing fumes, I stepped in the buzzing of conversation and small sound of music coming from a stereo somewhere the only things to hear.

Reaching the bar after getting a few elbows in the face by drunks, I leant on my arms and a woman wearing far too much makeup and too much of a short skirt for her age came up to me.

"Hello there handsome...Not seen you in here, before...What can I get you?"

"I saw someone come in here, someone called Bella...Dark long, curly brown hair and eyes to match...Have you seen her?"

"Your name wouldn't be Edward by chance would it?"

"Yes, why?"

"It's about time you showed your face here, mister...Come through she is upstairs...She rents a room out from me with the job I pay her for..."

"Can I do that?"

"Something tells me that she needs you more than she will let on..." The woman opened up the small gate blocking the consumer and the worker sides of the bar, with an assuring nod she let me walk out from behind the bar and into a small corridor with only the stairs to see.

"Be nice to her, sweetheart...She has had it rough..." The woman whispered calmly to me as I contemplated walking up those stairs, the one thing that was separating Bella and I and the one thing that was left before my deepest feelings were expressed.

"I know, I will..." I whispered back, never looking round to her before climbing the stairs – there was no looking back now, there was no regret in my planning to do this – just the nerves in fear of how Bella was going to react.

Please don't hate me, my darling Bella please don't.

~~**~Bella~**~~

Getting back to the heat the pub gave me without the unnecessary groping, I had stood in front of the small radiator of my box bedroom for about ten minutes with my hands out in front of me, why have radiators if the only sole purpose they have is to dry clothes. Why don't they invent like radiator gloves, the heat keeps swimming through the insides of your skin at a high rate?

There was a small, muffled knock on my door – I had managed to hear it and I turned around wrapping my arms around myself and burying my hands under my armpits to use a better resource...Fair enough, the gesture wasn't ladylike but I wasn't naked...There were clothes separating my deodorant-sprayed areas and my hands.

"Come in..." I said rubbing my hands and swirling my feet around to get warmer, the door opened slowly and then and there at gradually seeing who was at the door, there is a chance I may have collapsed, died and gone to heaven without being remembered. The person at the door was the last person I had ever wished to see, especially here in this place so unlike my real home.

"Bell..."

_What the FUCK was he doing here, how had he...Why had he...What did he...Oh that son of a bitch, why the hell are you here?_ The anger ran through me like a forest on fire, my breathing had already increased and my fists had clenched under my armpits...I didn't want him to be here, of all places whether I was in love with him or not – I wanted to keep my hideaway secret throughout the rest of the school year and the next because he was never going to know, unless he had followed me...In that case he had some fast talking to do.

"Bell...It's okay, calm down for me..."

_Calm down, calm down he wanted me to calm down...Fuck off you calm down you freaky stalker!_

"Get out, Edward..." I said through clenched teeth, I was in no mood to maintain civility when he had done such a thing.

"Never" he replied standing strong and closing the door, if there was something in my room to throw it was going to be the excuse for his late night visit to A&E.

"Edward, get out...I don't want you here..."

"You live in a pub, in this small room with one window and one radiator...What the fuck, Bella this place is a dump..."

"Go home!"

"I wanted you to come and stay with me and my family because we do not live in a place where we can catch any diseases or where any rats can come and feast on your hair when you're sleeping...I hate this, Bella..."

"Leave me, alone..."

"No...What do you do here, Bell...You work for nothing at all, get surrounded by past-it drunks who are entitled to a good three years under an A&A programme and try to put a face on in school that everything is alright...This is not what you deserve, Bell..."

"I made my decision, the decision was to never have you know about this place...You followed me, like some child unable to get his own way. You could never manage to trust me and accept my decision to not tell you, instead _follow me_?"

"I'm glad I did, look at you...You can have so much better than this..."

"The moment you accept your home for all its values then you can tell me about deserving things...I never deserved my home and now look at me..."

"Stop..."

"Being touched up by drunks is what I deserve now because there is no one out there who is ever going to want to touch me..."

"Bell..."

"STAY OUT OF MY LIFE, KEEP AWAY FROM ME AND LEAVE THE FUCK ALONE!"

At my outburst, which honestly had surprised me a lot...Edward closed the distance between us and clutched onto my shoulders much more harshly than he had done, earlier and backed me up against the wall, the heat from the radiator soaring through my bottom through the fabric of my coat that I hadn't managed to take off – I struggled under his grasp, at least tried to but he proved that he was too strong but I was not prepared to give up resolve.

"Stop this, now!" he demanded his voice husky and as I opened my mouth to speak, Edward did the unthinkable and crashed his lips down to mine, my senses opening up to the contact of our lips together as one...His lips felt so amazing just pressed against mine without moving but what the fuck was this, a joke with Tanya? Another collaboration like the bet...Did he have a bug in his coat with a hidden camera and microphone for all the entertainment watchers at home?

I pulled my mouth away from his harshly "fuck you!" I spat at him, struggling against his unmovable grasp. "Let go of me!" I added, my voice a mix of wanted venom but also shock at what he had done and how much now, milliseconds later I missed it.

"I'll never let you go, again..." Edward whispered kissing me again, his mouth enveloping and wrapping themselves more around my still ones, his skin even on his lips was the softest of all velvets and furs out there in the fashion world and in material world, he opened up every chakra and began to master the puppet without strings – much to my dismay, I was able to pull away from him again.

"Fuck you, you evil son of a bitch!" I wanted to say it angrily, but the sensations of having my wish fulfilled of Edward kissing me had opened up the floodgates instead.

Edward loomed in closer, his nose brushing mine as he tilted his head...The sparkle evident in those green eyes I have loved for so long...As our lips connected for the third time, Edward gave me small caresses with his mouth, never opening either his or mine but using a technique to result in me losing all strength and within moments, the tender and sweet kisses he gave me, the care behind them made me melt against him and my mouth follow his lead, much like the puppet under the control – he led the kiss and had all the intentions, if this was some kind of joke then I was going to make the most of it.

Too soon, he pulled away breathing onto the pores of my skin and moulding those lips of utter perfection to the very tip of my nose and his hands coming upward slowly and he cupped my face, my breathing had remained high and deep because of the passion simmering through my system and the emotion in the tears filling up in my eyes.

"Tell me, Bell...Tell me what it is you cannot say or I will go insane?"

Edward Cullen had kissed me; the guy had broken any barriers of us being friends and my putting up the charade that being his friend was enough to keep me content with living my own life...I crumbled, what else was there to lose? The kiss was enough of a memory to keep with me for the rest of my life, getting a kiss was more than satisfying to me whether or not it ever happened again or not.

I had nothing to lose and everything to gain...Where was the harm?

I suddenly lost all control of my hands, they itched everywhere to reach out and clutch his shirt to keep him here, keep us this close and remind me that none of it was a dream...They slumped to the side as my whole posture shifted downward, my shoulders relaxing from the intensity of my anger at Edward's finding out where I was living and my bones releasing all that anger building volcano eruption and leaving only the warm flames of passion and desire in their wake from Edward's skin contacting with mine – fair enough my shirt was in the way but the fabric was thin enough to appreciate the sensations.

My eyes, glistening with unshed tears but weeks of built-up thinking becoming the sole reason and the aching of my heart for what seemed like years and years swelled at the realisation that I cannot run away from him, anymore...That I had to take the risk if only to remain in the wake of feeling his lips on mine, believe me that was more than enough to send me into the most beautiful and happy dreams all on their own. Edward needed this, I needed this and my life needed this – some good emotion sprinkled on top of some existing bad ones the ability to balance mentally depends on both good and bad situations in life – the reason for living, my reason for breathing was standing in front of me with intent eyes and descending erratic breathing...Edward was my life, that's all I can manage to define in how much he means and will always mean to me.

"Bell...It's okay, you can tell me anything and I promise nothing will fall onto anyone else's ears...You can trust me, I'm here and you can trust me..."

His whispers were melancholic music, soft, yielding and meaningful...Musicians could write a whole orchestral composition with every instrument imaginable included just on his voice, trust me if there was any musical talent lying within my own genes inherited from generations and generations then that would be my next way to pass the time of day.

Shaking immensely in my breathing, I swallowed hard and closed my eyelids letting out the tears and clearing my vision so that my stunning Edward remained clear and as I stood on the top of the cliff with no safety harness around my waist, I was ready, it was now or never.

_Do it, Bella...Just do it...You have been through worse than his rejection!_

_Please don't reject me, Edward...I love you so much..._

_Damn this is so much harder than it looks in fantasies!_

"Edward, the thing that I couldn't tell you...The information that I still don't want you to know, even now because of the fear inside of me...Is pretty clear, actually..."

"What, Bell?"

"I love you, Edward...More than friendship, more than neighbours...I cannot go on and be sentimental in a lengthy speech and confession because these feelings are so unknown to me and my body and not to mention my mind...There is only one thing I know, my mind is constantly around you, my body aches to touch you and my heart is yelling out to you just to let you know that I'm here...There is no one else in my mind who is going to mean as much to me as you do to me..."

Edward's green eyes filled with watery tears, the formation caused me to panic a little because in my lousy attempts to make my confession simple and not to let any emotion affect the smoothness in the way it had gone verbally...I reached up my hand to touch his cheek but Edward, before I filled out the gesture to comfort him let out a sigh filling the atmosphere in the room and brought our lips back together in a sweeter reunion – movement of simplicity and tenderness but also the greatest of need on my part, my hands clutched onto his shoulders as the relief washed over me, he hadn't said it back to me but he was kissing me and there was nothing even in the contentment and cloudy air of heaven.

Pulling away early, again...I released more salty tears down my cheeks and let out a threatening sob, composing myself and shooting my eyes to the floor..I was so overwhelmed that the sensations he had on my body were on the most part so difficult to deal with because I desired to rip all his clothes off and feel the weight of his body on top of mine – our connection, our combined souls and our bodies coming together in intimacy.

"If this is some kind of joke, Edward...Kissing me...I swear I'll kill you, myself..." I said to him in a tearful whisper, this can't be a joke...We had both come so far and most of my Christmases and birthdays had all rolled into one with his lips enveloping mine.

"Oh Bell, I love you too..."

My gaze shifted up to him, hearing those three much needed words on his lips was too much to believe that in return, all I managed to do in the haze was shake my head and let out another sob, his arms had wound around me tighter, cocooning me into his muscular, warm torso, my chest crushed against his. In an instant, faster than the speed of light his hand caressed one of my own as gentle as a feather but with meaning so heavy, my hand released his shirt, the mark of forever clutching onto him for dear life evident in the screwed up areas just beside the collar – the male sixth students all had to wear suits and white was so becoming on Edward Cullen that the blazer and trousers both of a usual dark colour always went unnoticed because of how amazingly the white washed with his own pale marble skin tone.

"Please tell me this is real..." I pleaded, the emotion clouding my voice as he guided my hand under one of his slowly across his defined chest before the dip line to his Pecs and he came to a stop just over his heart – the deep beating reaching to the surface of my palm as he used his other hand to keep mine, there in the spot he wanted it.

"Feel that, Bell...This is real..." he whispered simply, I hitched on a breath and transferred my hand from his heart and guided both oh his over to my heart, the beats matching his own in complete harmony...Edward sighed as his brain registered on how speedily my blood was pumping, this is all my heart had done since changing my view and opinions towards him – whenever Edward was near me, as much as my soul began to ache at our closeness and how much I wanted him to be with me.

"Mine, too..." I replied his eyes widened and the corners of his mouth etched upwards, giving me the most spectacular smile – my favourite smile I had seen so little of lately because of the pain he had gone through and my decision to keep my gaze away from him along with my body in fear of gawking like a tourist in the city of London and throwing myself at him in desperation, I was the one this time to bring my fingers out from over his hands and guide them along his upper and lower lips my thumb following the trail in pursuit as he smiled against them - I was gentle but the point of Edward making me want him through every area of my body was now set in stone after my fingers left his lips, my head slowly moved down, my nose brushed against his nose gently so as not to startle him and I reached my destination with Edward waiting for me and allowing me to get to it...I wrapped my lips around his, his hands pressing against my heart still and my hands possessing a mind of their own and winding around his neck he consumed me in every way and my mouth was on the brink of having withdrawal symptoms if we went without touching for much longer before now...Edward moaned in response and his hands came away from my chest and trailed up the sides of my body and down my shoulders and arms in one flowing circuit, the vibrations on my lips a beautiful source of heaven at his reaction to the boldness of kissing. My mouth was on fire, the flames of lust to get closer and closer to Edward beyond possibility crashing over me like a heavy tide in the wind of the coast...My lips, inexperienced in the act of kissing kept moving, small kisses to big but never once opening my mouth, the thought of that act with Seth was too scary because of the intimate act meaning true affection and my heart couldn't allow the act of true affection to come out to a guy I did not even have inklings of love for...I wanted to make-out with Edward, he had already proven to be an amazing kisser of course with so much more experience than I but I waited for him, if he needed me and the need was mutual then he could guide me into locking the insides of our mouths and move the caressing acts on our tongues – Edward's breath was the sweetest menthol, toothpaste or mouthwash but the taste of him was so unique...I couldn't get enough, this feeling was like no other and my life was literally in the palm of my hand in this moment with him. Edward held me as forcefully as I did him, our hands still in the same area of both our bodies but still moving tenderly in circular motions...The man I loved more than life itself opened his mouth and trailed his deadly but miraculously magical tongue along my bottom lip causing my mouth to quiver under him in anticipation and my body shiver with excitement...Within minutes, as he had so softly requested entrance my mouth on instinct opened and he seeped his tongue through and danced along with the tip of mine, I took the dance steadily so as not to muck up the perfect moment in our lives or at least in mine...Edward worked his tongue around my mouth tilting our heads and bringing them back entwining in the same motions, I was powerless to his touch and he worked me like any good musician to an instrument – this was mercy, my body never contrived to leading him because being a woman, I craved more to be led.

A sigh escaped my mouth at how amazing and patient he was with me, Edward didn't try to speed up his mouth against his possible inclination to, instead only moving at the same pace as me – letting me adapt to the sensations that brought me so much pleasure – the man didn't know the effect he had on me, the man loved me and everything was alright...I couldn't ever touch on how ecstatic I truly was in my soul because of how much concentration had been put into place to enjoy this kiss – that definitely wasn't hard to do...Good God did I love him with every inch of my being...I hoped to someone up there that this wasn't all a great actor's lie.

Running out of oxygen, I took my mouth away from his gently...He sighed and moved his lips down to my neck where my body was all too willing to grant him more exposure to my untouched skin as it tilted back on its own accord, the sighs came out of me at the brushing of his teeth on my neck never once piercing the skin but building up the desire in me, my lower stomach reacting strongly with constant pull of affection.

"I've loved you for so long...Edward..." I sighed, my breathing faster than a hunting bull in the red mist of Spain.

"Oh my Bella, my Bella" he sang moving his lips and caresses to the definition of my jaw line.

"I want this to be real; I don't know how to believe it..."

"Ssh...This is real, no lies sweetheart there is no one but us, now..."

"Oh God..."

Edward had moved to my ears, sucking delicately on my earlobe – luckily I have not worn earrings for a few years so there was nothing in our way to stop him from making my knees buckle underneath me – at the panic of falling to the floor, my hands wound into his hair and my body inched forward his mouth pushing against my skin, as he reached the dip in the skull just below my ear in his route, I giggled uncontrollably. Even as a child, that spot was a tickly spot that my dad always used to his advantage and Edward, in response moved his mouth away from my skin and looked into my eyes as I scrunched my lips together so as not to laugh in deafening guffaws in his face.

"Tickly spot?" he whispered with a crooked smile.

"Yes" I answered, composing myself.

"God I love you..." Edward breathed attacking my mouth with more fervour and much more passion than ever before, my hands wound around the softness of his locks and my chest smashed against his, my hips moving but my brain not ever having the power to stop to ask him whether it was right, my body was adapting on a lone basis and asking for the right confirmation would kill this once in a lifetime moment in memory lane. My mouth was working fast with his, matching the rhythm beat by beat – Edward was made for me, at least our mouths were made to fit one another's and kissing suddenly became amazing, the giddy school girl being kissed by her crush came out to play and I needed him, in every way.

"I love this..." He placed a kiss on the tip of my nose, "and this..." my chin "these..." My eyelids, "you're my angel Bella Swan!"

"Edward, please just hold me, if you plan to go then I won't stop you but for now just wrap me in your arms, please?" I pleaded my palms moulding together behind his neck at the start of his spine, his arms wound around my whole body and surprisingly he lifted me up from the floor and tilted my whole form to hold me in a bridal carry, taking me to the bed with a proud glimmer in his eyes – he set me down, my legs winding around his hips and my bottom on his lap, as he made himself comfortable and moved his own legs around something made me gasp and cover my mouth with my hand.

There was only one thing that could be that hard below me, Edward's sign of pleasure...Damn I had heard about men getting hard over women but I imagined that the women may not have always had all part in it – the men may have had other ways to get aroused before the females made an appearance, perhaps investing in porn and rummaging through the secret stashes.

"Hey, baby...It's alright there is no need to be afraid..." Edward comforted me entwining my hands in his and bringing them up to his mouth to kiss the back and palm. "That is how much I want you..."

"You want me?" I whispered, my voice enhancing surprise.

"Yes...More than anything..." he replied, in the truth of his words...I smiled, never feeling so wanted, alive or needed ever in my life, before I needed to show him that I wanted him, as well and in response, my mouth landed on the velvet of his neck and he hitched on a breath underneath me.

I moved around the definition of his neck bones and his Adam's apple, his muscles so toned and in proportion in every right way that kissing him made me feel a little envious at how much less skin he seemed to have than me and more muscle...I suppose the male metabolism works wonders excluding the female one.

"You're amazing, my love...Oh tell me you're mine now...I promise that no one will ever dream of hurting you again...You have been made for me, I am grateful to you for everything more than you can ever know...My sweet, innocent, beautiful girl...Do you belong to me?"

"I have always belonged to you..." I answered moving my hands up the bottom hem of his shirt, thankfully already un-tucked from being out of the school grounds and moving my hands along the abdominal muscles to die for, as Edward struggled to maintain some kind of composure and try very hard to keep his eyes open – I had an effect on him and confidence hammered through me to touch him, not in the most desired place yet because it was all too soon but to get to anywhere I can was enough.

"Bella, please come and live with me?"

At Edward's whisper, the moment to kiss him any longer was taken away so quickly that all I could do then was bring my head back up, ready for him to explain further...

*_To be continued...*_


	42. Opportune Moments

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

Bella stopped her assault on my neck, those kisses were like my oxygen and water for hydration all rolled into one, the young woman sitting so comfortably on my lap her special spot inches from my own very hard one which had already been made known to the keeper of my heart was enough to physically bear. Now, the silence became more dread to cope with as it built on top, she had told me much to my shock that she loved me and if anything I was never going to be expecting to hear those words from her lips – those lips, pink, soft and utterly stunning of the highest order. Bella was the death of me, the death of the old me who used and hurt many other individuals and had become the making of the new me, she owned my heart my soul and basically every artery and vital organ in my body.

I wanted her every second of every hour in this dump of a room...I had been so angry at her attitude and choice to live somewhere like this because of the fact that she did not belong here, she was never going to belong to this kind of place but I could not for one second be mad at her for anything, she had power over me – more than she bloody well realised that's for sure!

My Bella was mine, I kissed her like a starving man, passion seeped easily and naturally from my system in order to prove that Bella was the most special human being on the planet and the most amazing person in my life besides my mother and father...I loved her, my love for her had grown from nothing into so consuming that loving her, showing her love was already carved into my daily routine. No girlfriend of mine was going to be staying in a place like this, not when she had three beings who loved and cared about her, my mother, Cosmo and of course, me.

I gazed at Bella, her natural beauty entrancing me...My hands unable to release themselves from her body altogether instead circling her hips moving upwards to her flat stomach and down to the tender muscles of her thighs, the girl was positively ravishing – a delight that only a person so much better than I could ever hope in their wildest dreams to deserve but, I wanted her enough to fight for her – if there was anyone else in the way then I was always going to be there. It didn't hurt that she didn't fully believe the confessions of my heart because even hearing her say that she loved me shocked me speechless and in the end, there was nothing to do but kiss her amazing mouth again and bring the softness and yield to my lonely ones. Emmett was right, at one point before Bella came into my life there was never a chance in hell that I would kiss a girl on the mouth because of the fear of true intimacy but frankly, Bella's lips were off-limits to anyone but me if I had to die to keep other men, who wanted the wrong things from her then I would do it. Honestly, Bella's a girl I'd gladly take a bullet for to spare her life – a person so stunning doesn't ever have injustice thrust upon them because of the unnaturalness that would bring to the world.

"Edward, I can't..." my girl whispered regret hanging on her every word as she bit down hard on her lower lip – I brought one of my thumbs to bring her lip away from the dent of her teeth and placed a small kiss on the spot she had dug into.

"Bell, love I can't live knowing that the person I care so much about, more than anyone can understand is living in a place like this...It's dark, it's dirty and nothing can ever stop my mother when she has a plan...She cares so much about you, Bell..."

"I know she does and I still don't deserve it but, _my_ mother is only next door...When my decision was set it was forever in stone I will never be able to go back there and run the risk of seeing her..."

"Don't care about her; you are worth so much more..."

"What about Phil, if he sees me then the information will get back to mummy dearest and she will find some way of making my life miserable – she has already destroyed any security I had..."

"You're _my _security...I need you, Bella my life is worthless without you in it – how am I supposed to protect you when you are alone in this run-down mess?" I stroked her face, noticing the head tilt from my darling, it was ever so small but her head pushed against my own and her eyes fluttered closed...I loved touching her, even with clothes on she had proven to arouse the deepest desires within me. I had never wanted anyone so much, that much was certain and this was unexpected and new territory for both Bella and I in different ways.

"Oh I love you, Edward..." she sighed bringing her mouth to my palm and placing a kiss on it "please understand me..."

"Sweetheart, I do...But you're the only person who has ever had my heart, my true heart as worthy as it may not be you're the reason I live and breathe, I will not stand by and think about you getting touched up by 'passed it' OAPs who want a bit of floozy, you're no one's floozy Bell!"

"My mum..."

"Your mum does not deserve to have control on the life you have made...Bell being here means that you make your own decisions and you still do...Can you tell me, from the bottom of your heart that you would chose this place over being with me?"

"No, oh God no of course I wouldn't..."

"Then be with me, live with me and the people who still want what's best for you, I get to hold you all night every night if we choose. Anything you possibly need is there, Bell and if there is anything you want me to do...I'll do it, my love...I'd do anything for you..." I brought my lips to my neck and kissed right down the centre of her throat down to the hollows at either side of the base and placing tiny butterfly kisses along the definition of her collarbone – her skin smelled like vanilla, a sweet but also savoury scent that was immediately making my arousal more defined underneath her thighs – god she smelled amazing, I imagined then kissing her body all over when she writhed in pleasure beneath me, latching onto my hair and caressing the roots bringing my mouth closer and desperately consuming the friction between us...Jesus, I couldn't wait to make her mine, officially!

"Edward, you're too good at this..." Bella sighed, the sound of her voice the defeating of her resolve to stand her ground caused me to smile...It seemed like we were both pretty much screwed because she only had to use kissing on me to cause any buckle.

"You're skin, your scent...Is like my own personal brand of drug, and Bell...I have waited too long to feel like this, to realise that I felt like this towards you..."

"No you didn't..."

"How long have you felt this way about me, Bell?" I had been a little sneaky and dipped into the V-shape collar line of her thin, white jumper and just above the dip in her cleavage which Bella's hips in response to my craftiness then began to shift forwards because of the new feelings in untouched places, her neck and face and lips could wait – now the rest of her needed to be worshipped and I was going to make her feel so loved, in the way that she had always deserved to be because I was the lucky fucker who had managed to take her as mine, who she had loved mutually back in the same way. I was the luckiest bastard, alive!

"I don't know...A while..." She whispered her hands clutching my shoulders as her back started to bend, her round, plump, fabric covered breasts which were my next destination sticking out to my waiting and aching lips to be loved.

Like any good man, I took the most out of her boldness and need combined, brought my lips down and moulded them to the centre of her left breast, cupping the circumference area and kissing around the middle – Bella's back continued to descend and my mouth followed in pursuit, she was losing all the strength to fight me in some way and so, naturally so enjoyed the unknown sensations of being touched and kissed intimately.

As she landed on the mattress of the bed bringing her arms up to clutch the pillow – her ribs came out from her jumper at least the outline of them, did and after showing the same passion for the other breast, my mouth made their route down her abdominals and ribcage. Bell was thin, a perfect thin and not an intentionally verging on anorexia or another eating problem – she was all mine and I was the fool to love her, I would show her how much I loved her every hour of everyday if that is what she wanted.

"Oh that feels so nice..." she sang contently, almost humming her words – sometimes she radiated so much innocence that it was plain adorable.

"I'll show you how much I love you, all the time, however many times you need to be kissed or worshipped then I am here, sweetheart..."

"Edward, how can I deserve you?"

"Hmm...You are not the one who needs to deserve anything, I am so lucky to have you...Kiss you, hold you...You are my life, now Bell..." Placing one final kiss on her belly button she balanced the weight of her torso on her arms and looked up at me.

"Say that again?" she pleaded, her eyes filling with water...I clasped my hands on her hips and brought her back up, weighing no more than a dried leaf in autumn and she wound her hands around my neck bringing our foreheads to touch and meld together as she breathed the warmth of her breath taking me over.

"You are my life, now..." I repeated running my hands through her chocolate, velvet and light textured curls as they felt like ribbons running along my fingertips – my Bella was now the one to sigh in surprise and bring her lips down to mine, her hands working quickly and intently through my hair as I grabbed her hips and crushed her against the one sign that I wanted to make passionate love to her – my mouth wound around hers, entwined in constant desire that my moans escaped me before I plucked up any restraint to stop.

Bella moved her lips from mine, all too early because of my enjoyment in having her tongue caress mine – the confidence to kiss me already evident in her system as I allowed her to kiss me in the way that she wanted to, honestly she could kiss me every second of the day because for someone with limited or even no experience in that particular act – she was already proving to be a fast learner and oh so amazingly good on my lap and connected with me. Our bodies were spare jigsaw pieces just destined to fit with each other and nothing else – like there was never going to be a compromise because our whole bodies were made to be connected in life. I still can't believe that I had almost let her get away, if I had never made the decision to have an attitude transplant then she would never be mine, this heavenly positively beautiful girl who deserves as much love as the world can give out and any individual can receive because of her selflessness.

"You're so beautiful, my Bell..." I whispered moving my hands bare and itching with temptation over the skin on her stomach feeling her skin quiver from the contrast in temperature, I was not going to go anywhere in contact where she was going to feel nervous or unconfident, believe me she had nothing to worry about in her shape because no person can be perfect but I am on the love boat and blinded by her in every way, shape and form.

"I think you're beautiful, too..." she whispered in such a sweet tone of voice that I could have melted to liquid on her floor right then and there..."Edward, I appreciate you giving me the chance to live with you, but the risk is too great and...That part of my life is over...I left it..."

"You're leaving me...Coping without you when you gave Cosmo to me without one word in explanation there was never a time where I tried to stop you because of the respect I had for your decision or never once complained, but Bell you cannot be here any longer, at least let me take you back to my home and we can sort out something else like a hostel or something but please, surrounded with smoke and alcohol is never going to be a scene for you to belong..."

"I belong to you..."

"Exactly..."

"Please, just promise me that you'll help me try and avoid my mum, sometimes...Seeing her is going to bring all that bullshit back..."

"She is never going to come near you; she will have to get through me..."

"You're my knight..."

"If you want to put it that way..."

"Don't laugh at me..."

"If you want me to be a knight, then I'll be your knight...So are you coming around to the idea of being with me?"

"I am with you, now..."

"True but I won't get to have a chance to hold your stunning body in my arms and clutch you close to me – keep you safe and watch out for you..."

"Edward you're sounding more like a policeman every second..."

"I am no policeman; I am in love...For the first time in my life..." Bella smiled at my sentiment and sighed wrapping her hands around my own underneath her shirt at her skin, now warm from the contact and moved them upward to rest on her chest.

At the direct feel at the shape of her breasts she released my hands and like the speed of a coyote she had managed to undo all the buttons on my shirt and gazing intently into my eyes, searching for a sign in their depths to tell her to stop without my having to say anything...I did not want to stop her, fair enough I had never been undressed or attempted to be undressed by a female before because the clothes on our bodies had come off so quickly that there was no time to waist, instead just banging and fucking hard in minutes – That was never what I want to bring Bella into, a great fuck is good but only with the right person...I wanted to worship my Bella like a deep sea treasure hidden from any others who could sell it. The two halves of my shirt opened and her bare hands trailed down my skin, the heat soaring through every pore in their wake...I was harder and harder, my desire overpowering my vision and soon, my self-control.

Studying her intently, she brought her lips down to inches above my Pecs, I wasn't going to lie that I have intentionally worked hard on my body to look good because it boosted my ego but also...Being healthy was important in my family – my mum was organic-mad and my father had a very young body for his age. My elder brother is the exception in our unit because being a fanatic sportsman – not just football but also boxing and wrestling his form was made up of just muscle and more food was needed in his system to keep building on the existing bulk. He reminded me of a human 'hulk' sometimes, but Emmett was proud of his body much like me so none of us can complain.

Bella worked me like a drum, her magical tongue poking through her sweet lips and lining my abdominal muscles, getting the welcome from the goosebumps she left behind...I circled her breasts wishing that her bra wasn't in the way but it was more than enough to feel her skin.

As my girl reached my stomach running her tongue around my belly button she placed one final kiss on the centre and brought her head gradually back up my hands never staying in one place, instead now winding around her back still trailing my fingertips along her spine which she allowed me to do so brilliantly putting her trust into me.

"Will you promise to look after me, my Edward?" Bella whispered, kissing my eyelids and spraying her natural scent all over me, good God this girl was a landmine to my uncontrollable vehicle and once again, as always I was powerless to fall under her spell and weaves of innocence.

"Always, for as long as we remain together and till the end of time...I am always going to be here my sweetheart, I'd never leave you...Never!" I vowed.

With one small kiss to my lips, Bella climbed off of my lap, running her hands through her hair and releasing an exasperated sigh the smile on her mouth permanently carved wide and beaming...The happiness shining off of her was enough to light the whole earth if ever there was a power cut.

"Do you know how long I have dreamed about this kind of thing happening, why is it that reality is so much better than any fantasy...God!" she spun around giggling uncontrollably the sound so stunning because of the fact that the reasons for her to laugh had been unfortunately limited. All I did was chuckle genuinely at her little show and buzz of excitement, I suddenly wished that I to was a girl then maybe we can do the 'happy dance' together at some time...Wait a minute that would mean that Bell and I are in a lesbian relationship...Well, if I was a female she'd definitely be on my list that's for sure!

"I want to do so many things that I have never even known before..."

"Like?" I decided to tease her and play the game, she was highly entertaining when not in control of her adrenaline rushes and suddenly, inside and secretly in my head I made the mental note to note down how satisfying it was to see her giddy and like the person she should be...Free.

"Like, climb Mount Everest or ride a great white shark in Australia..."

"Well the mountain's great but err...You wouldn't last five minutes on the shark, Bell..."

"It doesn't matter, because if I were to die tomorrow, my life would have been worth it because I told you how I feel about you, how I am always going to feel about you...Can you comprehend for one second how scary that is?" she exclaimed sitting down beside me on the bed, her hands gesturing around her every word...Again, my response was to keep smiling at my confident girl.

"No, I wish I could..."

"Well I don't mean that you should feel guilty, I am sorry I guess the whole 'love' thing is still pretty new with me..."

"Personally I think you're impeccable" I commented grabbing her arms and pushing her down to the mattress again, the giggles and feeble attempts to shake me off was doing her no good as she continued to laugh so hard.

"Ed...Edwa...Edward, stop...I don't h...Have...Any...Strength..."

"Do you not like me on top of you like this?" I teased grabbing the skin at her neck between my teeth and marking her as she squealed beneath me, perhaps the bite was too hard but her laughter seemed to make it go away.

"Yes...I mean...No, damn that hurt Edward..."

"You're mine now, my love..."

"I was never going to be anyone else's..." her breathing slowed and her facial features softened as she came back down to earth.

"I am sorry..."

"Don't be, that was rather great actually..." she replied cutting me off...I lessened my grip on her hands but she did not move from underneath me. "So this is what it feels like to have the person you love on top of you?" she whispered in wonder.

"Yes but there are fewer clothes..."

"One day, Edward when I am ready I will show you how I feel, you might not believe me now because my behaviour right now makes me look like a drug addict or at least a woman with a huge helium tank stashed away from view...But I will, I want to so much..."

"Ssh..Bell we don't have to rush anything, we have all the time in the world...Just know that this is all new to me, too..."

"I'm not Rosalie and Tanya..."

"It's not that and I never, ever want you to become anything like them, not one single trait they possess has to come through you!"

"Then what is it?"

"Bella, you're the only girl who I want to make love to..."

"Really?" Bella looked surprised, greatly so and honestly, at first at realising the siren-effect of her body so was I but now, it felt right to let her know what was going on and how we are feeling because there were no secrets and nothing to hide behind now, all out in the open where it always should have been without our arrogance and reaction to let fear take over our choices and judgement of one another.

"Yes, I thought that making love was a term that parents and old people used because they thought the word sex too embarrassing but, now what they have been spouting all these years about sex being the true act of intimacy between two people and the reality that it can be enjoyed for more than a total of ten minutes makes so much sense...I believe it, now."

"I thought making love was a weird saying, I didn't have a clue up until a few years ago that those words meant sex at all – it's a nicer two words..."

"Yeah the words making love are lovely!" I teased as Bella giggled beneath me, her eyes sparkling brighter than I have ever seen them.

"The more time I spend with you, the more I want you to take me home...How is my Cossie?"

"Missing you, sweetheart..."

"Your mum knew didn't she?"

"Knew what?"

"That there was something between us...That moment at the dinner table when she expressed her wanting us to be together back then was unthinkable and my reaction was so anger-filled and shocked that I failed to see the deeper meaning, your mum knew this was going to happen..."

"I wish I could lie and say otherwise..."

"Oh God, how did she know?"

"Bell don't be embarrassed, my mum is a strange human being, she has these senses almost like psychic abilities but they enable her to see a relationship before any chance of blossoming in reality..."

"Jesus...The cards?"

"Cards?"

"The tarot cards that Leah showed us...The gypsy at the market...Edward I picked the card that said 'the lovers'..."

"You did?"

"Yeah and then she looked to you and to me, that look on her face the smugness that her cards were right and back then, I loved you the way I do now but could never imagine us being together and so...I put her straight and shook my head taking away any hope that the card was right...It WAS right!"

"Perhaps we should give her a bigger tip next time..."

"Edward, I'm serious...The cards saw it happening, this is my fate...My fate is to be with you and my trying to fight it is pointless..."

"Okay, now you've really lost me..."

Bella stopped her speech that I did not understand one moment of and cupped my face in her hands "it means that, my life is your life at least for the moment...There is no one else for me so why choose to be alone. The lovers in the card held hands and remained together through heartache and strain...Like any relationship in reality we are going to stumble across obstacles and moments where we drive each other insane. However, none of that matters...Nothing matters as long as your there with me..."

"I am always going to be here..."

"Then nothing is stopping me, if you swear on your family's lives that you'll be completely honest and true with me at all times..."

"I promise and swear that I will never lie to you, again Bell...I royally fucked up with you the last time over lying..."

"Well that's all in the past, now...We're together..."

"Where we were supposed to be all along..."

Bell lifted herself from the mattress and climbed back onto my lap, running her hands through my hair for the final time as I enjoyed her contact.

"Then take me home, Edward...I want to live with you..."

Those ten words were sealed immediately with a lover's kiss.

~~**~Bella~**~~

Edward helped me pack the small suitcase taken on this journey with me, the pub getting busier and busier downstairs and so our room hadn't been disturbed since he had come to find me. The guy was a Godsend, he lived inches away in square feet from my mother but in return for my panic and fear about having to be close to her or banging into her at some always opportune moment, he was willing to make sure that nothing happened.

The man who I had spent however much time dreaming about, his name and his face playing on a constant loop remix in my mind wanted to be with me, wanted me in the way that I had recently wished so much to be wanted and also promised to take care of me. What kind of person has everything she has ever wanted come true in the space of an hour?

Fate had dealt me horrible cards recently and perhaps now, this was my resolve...The strike of good luck that all the bad strikes ensured I'd learn...Now that I know what it feels like to have the guy you love kiss you, hold you and touch you assured me that this was not going to go away as easily, that my decision to not live with him was a continuous problem because he is the sole reason I breathe.

After we had finished packing, Edward had hauled the suitcase off of the bed and had used a scrap piece of paper from my school bag and scrawled on the back a little note to Bekah because she wasn't going to see us go out the back door judging from the noise coming from the bar downstairs and how much the till was opening and closing. Out of nowhere a pair of arms wrapped around my stomach and Edward's head rested in the crook of my neck, the velvet of his skin causing the immediate side-effect of tingles and chills made me smile and rest my head against his.

"I can't concentrate if you are doing that..." I moaned jokingly against the sensations of his mouth on my tender and sensitive skin.

"Hmmm...Tough..." he answered lust evident his voice from the deep tone and slurry tone, almost matching the drunks in the bar...We were both drunks for a different reason that the love in the room intoxicated our actions and speech..." for the first time I had allowed someone besides me to touch my skin, Edward had kneaded my bra-covered breasts like a pro and I realised that he had not always done that for other girls, instead only using them to give him a service and never reciprocating.

Finishing the letter, I moved away from him – hearing the moan of my releasing our contact was enough to make me fight back the laughter, my mouth in a long line because of the same feelings washed over me when I do not get to touch him anymore. Edward Cullen had the body of a Greek God, no doubt about it...When he had allowed me to undo his shirt, I melted further into the mattress just looking at the abdominal muscles and muscular Pecs...He was pure muscle, no fat, no love handles...Just a huge outline of the shape 'V' before getting past his upper half of his body...Kissing him felt right because of the soft texture of his skin but my lips ignited with warmth and heat whenever they moulded with his skin, never mind what his own lips can do to me – my lips on his skin was a perfect combination – the recipe to making lemonade out of lemons when life gives them to you.

I placed the note on my pillow and climbed into my shoes, this room gave me the safety when it was needed, but I had another safety net now that didn't include a mother on the verge of a breakdown or her drunkard of a boyfriend. I had my own boyfriend, my very own Edward Cullen. As I finished doing the laces of my converse up, the voices of members in the school suddenly ran through my head...Different opinions on to knowing the news that Edward and I were now out of the blue an item – fear came back to me as quick as anything.

"Bella, what are you thinking about?" Edward whispered, planting his index finger under my chin and bringing my eyes up to gaze on his. "What is it?" He added using his other hand to stroke the left side of my face, he is no idiot – he already knows the look on my face when something is bothering me.

"Sorry...I was just thinking about what people in school are going to think..."

"About us?"

I nodded. "Bella, I don't care what anyone says...Surely I am breaking so many rules to even be within a ten centimetre radius of you, to the arseholes I used to be with..I am going to hell..."

"Edward..."

"What's important is that the one person I care about, could only ever care about so strongly is going to be on my arm here, there and everywhere...As long as I am with my Bell then nothing else is relevant, not even academic study..."

"Don't say that...Now that you are finally working and heading on the right path..."

"I won't fail, how can I fail now?"

"Sometimes you can be so soppy!"

"Would you have me any other way?" he teased, the crooked smile coming out to play.

"God no..." I breathed placing a kiss on his lips, Edward eagerly responding before I had the chance to pull away – Edward clutched me so tightly that I had to bring my arms out in fear of them getting crushed and wound them in their proper place around his neck, which only he could moan the vibrations soaring behind my hard-working lips to meet his rhythm.

"Damn...You're incredible..." Edward whispered moving his head to my shoulder and running his hands up and down soothingly along my spine, comforting me listening to every fear on my mind...If I was incredible then he was indescribable!

"I love this..." I whispered into the room, my own head snuggled into his shoulder as he rocked us slowly from one side to the other.

"I love you..." Edward replied causing me to smile away from where he could see me, those words should be on repeat and loop in my head because I can ponder and possess the ability to think about others who don't mean anything to me but those words go straight out of my mind seconds after they are said and never come back – maybe because I do not properly believe that Edward Cullen could love me.

*(Twenty Minutes Later)*

~~**~Edward~**~~

Bella and I, on the way home had not spoken...Instead just caressed each other's hands on the ledge behind the gearstick of my car...The two of us seemed to be in deep thought about going back to where we had first met and our journey had begun. Bekah hadn't caught us walking out of the pub; no one seemed to notice that Bell had her suitcase at all.

We were so close to getting home, to where we both had lived in a distant memory – Bell's hand had started to shake and like any good comforter in tune with her emotions already at a high level, my hands sped up their caresses and as soon as I parked up in my garage, using the shelter to hide us from the direct view of her living room window.

"Hey..." I soothed, leaning over with a little protest from my seat belt and kissing her on the lips "we have already gotten this far, just a little further..."

"I am so scared, Edward...What if your mum doesn't want me here?"

"Would you stop saying these things...My coming to get you and bring you back was _her idea_, I just agreed with it...But the planning to show you the real emotions of my heart was all my own..."

"Oh the 'I love you's were definitely yours...I am sorry about calling you those names..."

"It was wrong to follow you, but Bell never in a million years would you have given up the address if I asked over and over, again..."

"I didn't want anyone to know..."

"Do you trust me, now..."

"Yes...All that is forgotten, Edward...I have too much building anger inside of me that I have not managed to vent out, properly..."

"I'll help you, just please come inside..."

With a nod and a smile from my girl, I unfastened my seat belt and climbed out of the car...Walking then around the back to the boot and opening it to take out her suitcase...How she had managed to fit everything into one bag was beyond me because women had always somehow had the policy of taking as many bags as possible to make sure they have everything including the kitchen sink to go on holidays with!

Bella insisted that she take the case and I locked the car, wrapping her hand around my right one so that her body could be shielded from me, on the spur of the moment as we both started the walk – I took the handle to the wheelie case and she just linked her arm in mine, she was so small in frame and so little compared to I in height we had managed to get to my side door without any hassle. I chose the side door because mum may not hear the front door and the last thing that Bell would need now that I had got her to where she should be was wait for her mother to come and say something, it was a long-shot to even imagine Renee acknowledging her daughter's existence at all. I opened the door with the key and on cue, Cosmo barked loudly and his sprinting down the stairs rumbled through the house...I turned to Bella and she beamed widely and stepped into the house before me, I followed fast to close the side door.

"Cosmo!" she exclaimed her smile so beautiful and wide, the dog who had captured everyone's heart jumped onto her, causing Bella's back to fall flat against the wall as her loving pet licked and kissed her all over the face – her laughter could be made into a timeless piece of music...Cossie had grown so much since she had left him in my care and he was getting past the half-fully grown mark at least, Bella was so wrapped up in the love that was around her that she didn't bother to struggle away from her dog because he wasn't strong at all, she was rubbing his ears and kissing his wet nose in return. It was a beautiful sight!

"Edward is that you?" Mum called from outside the kitchen, Bella was too distracted and I making my way past the scene with her case walked out finding mum in the hallway.

"Darling, are you alright...I have been so worried?" mum exclaimed wrapping me into a hug.

"There's something I need to tell you, mum..."

"What-"

"Hi, Esme..." Bella had beaten me to the punch, my mum's eyes darting away from me and then back at me in dismay...The shock soon faded as she shot me a breathtaking smile and made her way back to Bella.

"Bella, how are you sweetie?" she asked, wrapping Bella into a caring hug, already the look on Bella's face made me believe that the gesture had some kind of effect on her.

"Fine, thank you so much for sending Edward to get me..." as they pulled away, mum looked down and shifted her feet...I already knew the look of coyness and nervousness that had shown on her face she gave to Bella.

"Forgive me, darling...I was worried and we always have extra rooms here, any friends of my sons are always welcome here!"

"Thank you for looking after Cosmo, too...I apologise for leaving him here without any proper explanation..."

"I apologise that your mother has done unjustifiable actions, never apologise for needing the help when you have been abandoned. No one is going to hurt you, here Bella I have two very strong sons and I have been no stranger to some self-defence techniques."

Bella laughed at mum's comment and looked over at me, mum cleared her throat "well, you must show her the guest room, Edward..." mum turned her head and winked at me – she knew all too well that Bella was not going to stay in the guest room tonight.

"Are you sure this is alright, Esme?"

"Nonsense dear, I need a girl around to keep me company; it's so lonely sometimes with the loves of my life being men..."

"I'll show you upstairs, Bell..." I said nodding at her to walk away from mum, Cosmo was at Bell's side and hadn't left or moved one inch from the person he had been taken care of since being so small.

"I'll put some dinner on..." Mum sang, walking into the kitchen and away from view. Bella held my hand and followed me up the stairs, the case bashing my own legs at every step and intentionally not hers; I can deal with a few bruises. The guest room was the furthest room from the rest of the house, mum and dad had their own floor with a bathroom but Emmett and I shared the first floor along with the 'guests' – Bella may have the unlucky situation of hearing Emmett and Rosalie at night because they were so vocal that I am sure mum can hear it sometimes but being the mother never says anything about it, instead wishes that Emmett or Rose are using protection first and foremost.

I opened the guest room door, ignoring the loud music coming from Emmett's walls – that is usually the first sign that he and Rose are making out in there, known from experience that having the bathroom on the same floor is not easy when Rose comes out in nothing but her underwear. I have seen it all before which makes things even worse. Bella gasped at the lightly decorated walls and beautiful net laid across the neutral bed covers we took pride in our rooms and wanted guests to be comfortable. The only way, admittedly that I would be comfortable was to have Bella in my arms but needs must!

"So there is a wardrobe and a-" I had closed the door and started to explain where she was going to put all her things when she surprised me by jumping on me, her mouth passionately moving against mine and my back slamming against the wall from how strongly she had pushed me backward. I responded winding my hands in her hair, the confidence from her making me feel so good...A confident Bella was so sexy, yielding and tempting but the coy Bella was adorable and loving, there were two sides to her at the moment and I loved everything about them.

"What was that for?" I asked her, her mouth constantly moving now onto my neck in all the right places and spots.

"I love you, just please know that..."


	43. Growing Pains

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"God!"

I couldn't sleep, the same habit of being in a different bed had taken its toll on my usual pattern and what was worse was that my brain couldn't switch off.

Mum was inches away from me, not in the room but in surface area, I never realised how much the Cullen's may have been able to see if of course they had the natural disposition of nosiness and the advantage of having the ability to speak out their opinions with one another about their neighbours' actions...Of course this was all very untrue, not one ounce of that statement that others may possess relates to my new living individuals.

I had fumbled and tossed so much that my neck ached so very badly and my frustration at not being able to sleep led me to sit up completely, my feet resting against the soft surface of the carpet beneath me and my hands resting against my bowed head. Living in a new place didn't do well for my mental state and lack of sleep is usually one of the factors that make me become more emotional than the usual human being.

My head was banging and my mind was swirling so fast I may as well be drowning in quick sand, swirling to my own depths of despair, the only sounds that proved to be some distraction to it being the faint winter wind outside of my closed window – the curtains shielding the early morning air. Cosmo was sound asleep across the room and I was glad at least one of us had managed to block out reality, of course his own story being that he had to adapt quickly as a result more so than I, I being human made us contrast even more distinctively. Giving up hope of ever falling back onto the pillow of my comfortable new bed, I stood up my legs shaking from exhaustion and hobbled across the room – the lack of energy in my body was proving to be a disadvantage to the usual routine and movements of my system and that made me even more upset. Emerging from the bedroom door, the hallway filled with muffled snoring from the direction of Emmett's room, I left the bedroom door ajar so that Cosmo may get out and crept ever so slowly across the cool wooden surface of the floor towards Edward's room. Perhaps the idea was a little too forward, he in turn may not want to have me disturb him but there was no other choice another person in the bed proved to be warmer without personal experience but I wasn't just going to be sleeping next to any person. Sleeping beside just 'anyone' is not good enough, Edward was the person who had saved my life in a simple way to a third person hearing my life story but a big way to me – I missed him, even when there was very little distance separating us in this large house.

Swallowing down the dry sensations of my throat, approaching Edward's bedroom door, remembering where it was from memory I turned his doorknob slowly due to the creaks it may produce to wake up his mum or his brother, no one wants to see me taking the decision to go into his room in case of the opinions or assumed guessing it may cause to a more intimate way that my own plan just to be close to him with my clothes on. The smell of cinnamon and mint swam through my nostrils as the door opened enough for me to step inside and gently as I had done to open it, I closed it behind me – inwardly hoping that Cosmo wasn't going to catch on where I had gone and wanted to get in to join us.

Edward's deep but sound breathing accompanied my ears with the smell of him in the air, the softer fibres of the carpet sinking my feet downward and catching my breath properly, I made my way towards his bed faintly outlined in the darkness with the exception of the glimmer of the moonlight from his own window. This room was closer to the moon for some odd reason, the moonlight always gave beauty to rooms or places because of the softness and naturalistic light it gave and Edward's bedroom was no exception to that beauty. Not only was it beautiful because of the light but, it was his and anything that belonged to him was to me, beautiful too.

Reaching the side of his bed, I looked down thankful that I was facing the empty side, Edward was a sleeper choosing to stay on one side rather than stay in the middle which is what I would opt to do, if of course in my own house I did sleep in a double bed.

Keeping my cool legs away from his own warmth, not wanting to disturb him at the same time from his sleep, the sound of his breathing proving to be so peaceful and comforting to me, I lowered my body down my feet further towards the foot of the bed and my head further into the pillow underneath my head. As I managed to lie straight on my back, Edward moaned a little and shifted from his position facing the opposite side to me and turned, his beautiful face coming into view and his eyes opening slowly.

"Bell?" he said my nickname so huskily, half-asleep that I couldn't help but find the tone to be so very sexy and as soon as the word entered my mind, I smiled and stifled on a girly giggle. I was smitten in truth but not so much as a fan is to a famous rocks star where there can be no words said, only giggles and bashfulness – with Edward, I could form some words. "Are you okay?" he whispered, I didn't know whether he was fully awake, but the feel of his hand so amazingly warm from underneath his duvet against my cheek, cupping it and caressing my wanting skin eased all my tenseness and as cheesy as it sounded, being next to him I felt like I was at home.

"I couldn't sleep" I whispered back, my face leaning against the softness of his hand at the love radiating from the small gesture.

"Come here" he whispered, _anything for you, Edward_...I shifted towards him turning onto my side so that our bodies were facing one another, his hand moved down from my cheek and his arm wrapped around my back, my chest melding with his hard one underneath the duvet. "You're cold" feeling a little guilty for a second, I bit down on my lip but in response Edward brought his duvet up from my thighs taking his hand away from my back and pulled the warm cover over my shoulder, covering everywhere except my face and brought his arm back up to wrap me against him once again.

"I just wanted to be close to you..." I whispered, rubbing my nose against his and closing my eyes.

"I'm here, baby...I'm always here"

The feel of his lips gently pressing against my own was the next action to surround me in his love much more than his arm cocooning me and I melted against him, never opening my eyes and letting him in turn move my lips against his, the kiss was soft and sweet but it soon became more passionate at the emerging of our mouths opening to one another's and my hand against his chest moving to run through the right side of his hair.

"I love you" I whispered, pulling my lips from his and resting my forehead against his...I finally found the right moment to close my eyes, breathing in all that was Edward and breathing out all the bad emotion and feelings within my mind that caused me sadness. Losing my mum, losing my home was nothing without this, being here...Having his arms around me as a shield. They were protecting me, loving me and showing me that life can be worth living when outside influences prove to be obstacles to the happiness and contentment.

Let's just say, my life did not have love within the agenda, I had never fallen in love or even had a mere crush on anyone and my lack of experience in that area would result in my not knowing the feeling but with Edward, it came far too easily. Almost like second nature and of course, it was strange but the strangeness made this more risky, kind of exciting.

"I love you too my Bell."

I didn't know how much time had passed; waking up to the sound of soft piano music didn't make me want to throw what was making it play out of the window if I had been in my own room, staring at the ceiling for the entire night. Instead, I stirred and found that in my much deeper sleep, I had moved away from Edward facing the opposite direction entirely and further towards the end of my own side...I stirred and found Edward's forehead creased but his eyes closed.

"What is that?" I whispered towards him sitting up onto my bottom and hugging my knees to my chest concentrating on the smooth melodic piano keys; it was a nice way to wake up...Even if I had not been prepared at all for the suddenness.

"I think I leant on the iPod dock remote, sorry baby." Edward answered, his creased forehead still scrunched as he sat up clumsily and ran his hands through his hair. Underneath him on the mattress lay a small, silver remote and the fact that he was right made me smile at how different our opinions seemed to be about waking up this way.

"What is it, it's nice..." I couldn't lie, the music was beautiful – one instrument in the melody being the piano and I was no stranger to orchestral music with a large amount of instruments but what struck me about the lone piano was that there seemed to be so much emotion behind it without the need to have every instrument under the sun to accompany the melody.

"Someone new, you haven't heard of them..." Edward answered me, wrapping one arm around my shoulders, his head still bowed.

"Well, can you tell me who they are?" Placing a kiss on his forehead made him lift his eyes and gaze into my own.

"That all depends, on whether you get excited or not..."

"Why would I be excited?"

"The people or should I say person who wrote and performed this music...They aren't exactly famous or are part of a record label..."

"What do you mean?"

"The person's music is...Mine" _Whoa...Come again...Did I just hear that?_

"Yours?"

"Yes, you have every right to look bewildered, I like to compose as a hobby and no one else outside of my parents and brother have heard this..." He said this admission ever so matter of factly that I was more shocked at how he didn't seem to have pride in this piece of music. I had never thought for one minute that Edward could have been a musician, even on the quiet he didn't seem to be the kind of person to sit at his piano and make gorgeous music like the piece currently playing around us both.

"Edward, do you have any idea about how stunning this music is?"

"Baby, come on...What others think is always different to what I think, besides...My music is special to me but there is always room for criticism, which is why I am not famous."

"That's your decision, if you do not want to be famous Edward but, you can at least flash me some kind of smile..."

"I will smile because you love it..."

"Love it, Edward...Just loving it is not enough...This is beyond words and I don't know whether to laugh or to cry because this is at a professional standard..."

"Bell, thank you for loving it...There is another piece that you might be interested in..."

"There is another piece?"

"I have been writing since I was about twelve, but only the ones that I found to be average went onto my iPod" reaching for the remote in the spot he left, he shot me a small smile before pressing a button and the song immediately switched off, he kissed my head and wrapped his other arm around my front, holding me entirely against him.

The music started and the keys were on the higher scale but, the rhythm and tempo was much faster dipping in and out of slow and fast but, the beauty of the music perhaps this piece even better than the last made my nose sting and the tears fill my eyes, feeling like a prized idiot I lowered my head and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, quickly so as not to draw too much attention to myself but, let's face it that was a little too much to hope for with Edward so close to me, his eyes in the corner gaze of my own most of the time in both our silences.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, concern in his tone his arm in response afterwards wrapping tighter around me, I wanted to giggle it all off but the melody had pulled at some non-existent heart strings, at least the ones that I have never known to have especially when music was concerned.

"Nothing, sorry Edward but I have to say that this is amazing...When did you write this?"

"Recently..."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I wanted to tell you, perhaps I should disclose what this song is about and, originally it was written about our friendship at the time when everything was changing, my attitude was changing and...In my lack of smooth adaption to the change in myself, I reached for a pen and a piece of paper. I have changed it very recently, though..."

"So this song is about us?"

"_Was _about us, as two separate people but now, it's about you...It's called Bella's lullaby..." _Jesus, holy mother of God was this man for real? How can anyone with so much talent take it upon himself to compose a musical piece about me...I am so ridiculously ordinary and dare I say it...Boring!_ I had no verbal speech, my mouth was open but no sound came out instead the questions swarmed around my crashing head causing a crease above my eyebrows to form.

"This might sound cheesy but, you're my inspiration, Bell...Or muse if you prefer a different word."

I turned, forgetting the falling tears from my eyes down my flushed cheeks and gazed into Edward's eyes his in turn looked brighter one side of his mouth had drawn upwards into half a smile, but an honest one all the same. My mouth was dry and I could not say anything, I wanted to say endless amounts of things mixed between 'thank you', 'I love you' and 'are you insane' in my brain but in the spirit of the moment, there was nothing to be said.

"What are you thinking, my love?" Edward stroked one of my rosy cheeks with his index finger and my breathing had increased so rapidly in a small amount of time that mixed with the tears, I felt like I was panting...I did the only thing that I had the energy to do, without talking, I leant towards my Edward and caressed his lips with my own, sweetly to start off with, relaxing him and bringing him down with I in close pursuit down onto the mattress on his back – which he happily obliged me in doing, letting me put some of my weight onto him. One hand ran through his hair whilst the other ran up and down his hard stomach through the fabric of his pyjama top, well his rock band top anyway which I already had my eye on stealing one of these days just to have something of his with me at all times. A little creepy, yes but I was so in love with him that pretty much nothing made sense anymore.

Edward responded to my caresses wildly, keeping my hair back from my face with his hands but never once leaving our contact – having him respond to me, showing me that he felt the same way always gave me a soar of confidence, the kind that I have never really known before. The melody came to a slow stop, lord knows how much time had gone but our mouths had never stopped moving and my oxygen intake was dangerously low...Taking the initiative hating the fact that I needed to breathe and stop us both, I took my lips gently off of his and heard him sigh beneath me, the two of us in harmony taking intakes of breath.

"Thank you" I whispered making him smile.

"I should make music more often if it is going to get that reaction..." he answered with a proud smile.

"That was nice, really nice Edward...No one has ever done something like that for me, before..."

"Well, then be prepared for things to happen for you out of the ordinary..."

"You're so weird you know that..."

"It's been said..."

"No...Not like that, what I mean is – at school everyone observes and knows Edward Cullen as this confident slightly egotistical guy who only uses girls to fulfil his own needs but, inside you're just like everyone else. A lost soul needing to find a purpose..."

"I do okay...Besides for the first time, I do have a purpose..._You_...Bell, you make me want to be a better person, reach new heights like I was supposed to do..."

"That was the way it was supposed to be, without me in the picture..."

"Based on what you decided, not to be friends with me made me change – believe me, there isn't anyone I would have done that for outside of my own family...You meant so much to me even back then, I was just a fool that I never realised it."

"Ssh, we're together now...That's all that matters..."

"Not for long, I want to stay in this bed with you for the whole day but...We have school, remember?"

In my daze, full of love and adoration to my own aspiring musician and amazing boyfriend, I had forgotten that the week was not out, yet...The thought made me want to groan because I, too wanted to stay with him here like this with no interruptions to our own little bubble but the two of us needed to get moving at some point so as not to allow Emmett any ammunition for teasing.

"What are we going to do...About the people in school?" I asked Edward, nervously twiddling my thumbs as I sat up straight, we were now together and subject to other kinds of teasing from others especially the individuals in Edward's old crowd – the mere idea of us going together was enough to make them vomit, what are they going to think now?

"Should something be done about it, baby?"

"I mean what is everyone going to think?"

"There is no need to worry Bell, we know what is between us and no one else will ever be able to have a say because no one outside of my family matters in opinion..."

"What about Emmett?"

"Emmett is too wrapped around Rosalie to care and besides, mum would have sworn him to secrecy because if he is behind the rumours and escalating negativity she will know about it, you don't know my mother..."

"So, we shouldn't worry..."

"Of course not, look we can make a deal not to go within close proximity of one another, I mean the thought of it makes my heart ache but I'd do anything for you and make sure that you're comfortable..."

"Perhaps that's best, what time is it?"

"Um..." Edward stopped speaking and reached forward turning his head to look at the bedside table alarm clock on my side where the iPod dock also sat. "Just gone half four..."

"What time do you usually get up?"

"About twelve" he replied chucking at his own joke, I rolled my eyes and sat back down on my own side, missing the warmth from our bodies moulding together and our close physical touch.

"On a school day?"

"Usually my mum gets the honour of getting me up..."

"Well lazy bones, now you have me to take on that honour, I suppose we should just lay here and wait for at least five"

"You get up at five?"

"Yes, unlike you...I can manage to go a full-day and get a decent night's sleep"

~~**~Edward~**~~

Waking up with Bella was out of this world, even if I had done the great tactic of leaning against the iPod remote and showing her my rough compositions which helped me sleep, sometimes. When I was trying to sleep at night when real life proved to be the main obstacle in my head unable to stop burning with these changes. Her body felt so right against mine, next to mine, on top of mine – her body was good anywhere I was able to feel the velvet of her skin and the luscious strawberry scent of her shampoo. The chocolate curls sang to me to run my fingers through, her rosy cheeks the radar to my very desires...I had not seen Bella intimately but there was no doubt in my mind that she was of the greatest beauty and perfection because she was all mine. Once there had been times where needing a girl was always so easy because the opposite sex were far too eager to divulge into temptation along with me and honestly, those little excursions never lasted long for either of us. The only real times I have gone all the way with a woman, not just fucked her against a hand dryer or in a closet to name a couple were the only times in my life experience where I knew what to do. I knew more than the basics but the basics had only ever been used the two times I have gone all the way in a physical act with a woman – with Bella, everything was different. I wanted more.

Bella Swan has become the only girl who was so amazingly tempting and not in a way where she was too willing to let me have my moment, I appreciate the reality that she hadn't been touched by another man which beyond me, still shocks me to the bone so, I wanted to wait until she wanted me. My Bell needs to be loved in every way, kissed in every angle and curve of her innocent figure because of the hardship she has seen and what an incredible human being she was inside and out. There must have been some men who liked her at some time or another, because someone that beautiful cannot walk through the streets without turning heads whether Bell in return wanted them turned or not. A woman can not necessarily want to have a guy's attention but to their blindness and denial to believe or even imagine that they were lusted over the reality was that they were wanted, sometimes admittedly for the identical reason that Tanya became my little bit on the side but the rare kind do want to show love in the purest form to their girlfriends and I, in my changed state down to the amazing Bella Swan wanted to do the deed.

Lying there, I could not keep my eyes off of her and this was the start of the rest of a great relationship, now she was mine and that the two of us were together I could not be anywhere else because all of my wants and desires were fulfilled and my dream of having her belong to me was all that I have ever wanted.

Bella rose at exactly five and I, unable to go back to sleep because of my inability to get back up again by how heavy I actually slept in truth was okay because I found enjoyment in watching my girlfriend walk in her thin lightly coloured pyjamas and reach for the door in the dark. Poor soul did not want to strain my eyes and so risked injury to find the way out in the darkness sometimes there were times where I have never loved her so much – smiling she opened the door slightly and walked out towards the direction of our bathroom, my bed was much colder without her to join me but I sat up, switching the playlist on my iPod and switching on the dock to make the time go a little faster in not being able to see her until the end of my own shower. This house had more than one bathroom, especially with Emmett and my father combined because they both took longer in the bathroom in the mornings than my mother and I, there are stopwatch times to prove that fact.

We needed more than one because of my brother and maybe even Rosalie when she stayed around against the real opinion of my mother, for some reason she did prefer having Bella stay with us than Emmett's girlfriend but there could be two reasons as to her mind frame...One may be because Rosalie was one of the two young girls that I have gone all the way with and our little endeavour proved too much for my mother to cope with and so now she had managed to score Emmett mum was at a crossroads. The second could be that Bella had gone through far worse situations than Rosalie could ever endure and so that made her an ideal candidate for her usual helping nature.

I didn't know what this was, but I knew that this was how I wanted things to stay.

For as long as possible, anyway.

~~**~Bella~**~~

Declining breakfast from Esme was a task and a half, the woman was so maternal and motherly that saying no to food was some sort of crime worthy of a spell in prison – I was too worried about what people were going to say if they ever got whiff of my and Edward's getting together, there was a part of me that wanted to punch me in the face, hypothetically because of course Edward had been right earlier in disclosing that no one was important but the doubt was still there. All news of the bet had dissolved and both of us were now deemed separate people never to cross paths but we have done more than that – I cannot live without Edward because of my mother's wrongdoing, he had saved me from the life where I will never gain sanity and being surrounded constantly by drunks who want to do all kinds of things to young girls like me, I was young and too naive for my own good and I was not ashamed to admit that.

After thanking Esme for her offer, Edward and I got into the car, my bag clutched to my shoulder a little tighter than usual due to the tenseness of my muscles to go along with the butterflies in my stomach; I remember feeling like this on my first day when every other student had already started.

"Bella, my love everything is going to be alright?" Edward said taking one of my hands in his own and pulling it against his chest on top of his beating heart.

"How do you know?"

"Considering that I am going to hell for breaking all the rules of that circle...I can't bring myself to care" laying the conversation to rest he placed one kiss on my palm before turning the key in the ignition and starting off to the end of our drive, it took all the strength I could muster not to turn and see what may have been going on in my house, whether my mum's car was there or anything else that was pointless because I was not living there, anymore.

I didn't miss that life, I would find some way to repay Esme and Carlisle for their kindness in putting me up but, there were more pressing matters to deal with.

Dodging the gossip-mongers and the rumour-spreaders in the Bradbourne School Sixth form!


	44. Unbearable Signs

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

The moment came to Edward and me as he pulled up in his usual parking space in the school's car park, slightly further away from the main spots where my walk ended in the mornings and my path to the reception.

_Bella whatever you do...Don't vomit, just don't vomit!_

"Can I have one parting kiss, baby?" Edward asked me; tearing me away from the concentration into my breathing in and out properly...I turned my head and sighed, knowing that this was going to be the only time today that we would be safe from onlookers. Edward had done the greatest act to me in making the decision to keep our relationship under wraps at least until we were both ready, although admittedly he was ready to shout it from the rooftops. The only person holding him back was me, because these feelings – not just being in love with someone, that someone being Edward Cullen but being in a relationship, like there was some kind of particular protocol to stand by as 'girlfriend material'. Hell, maybe relationships came with their own instruction manual, how the hell was I supposed to know?

My lack of knowing anything was verging on embarrassment, how could Edward manage to agree to this when he clearly wanted the opposite, the true opinion consumed with the deepest part of my soul wanted to walk around school with my arm around him, or hold his hand and constantly keep our contact with the exception of our different lessons? There was something holding me back, or a number of things in this case...One main reason was that my best friend still held feelings for my boyfriend, secondly there was Seth and the last thing I wanted was to upset him anymore for turning him down and thirdly there were certain girls by the names of Rosalie and Tanya who would, given the choice burn me alive if they could. Rosalie and Tanya were the epitome of what Edward Cullen used to be and in a way, I am now the epitome of the changed Edward. Either way, they both perhaps in some way feel something for him, too...Tanya more so than Rosalie because of how many times she had given Edward sexual acts and both girls had more over me in the sense that they had seen Edward without any clothes on, I had yet to dive into that part of our brand new relationship but I knew that I wanted it very badly.

Edward cupped both of my cheeks and brought his head closer to mine, kissing he very tip of my nose before emerging downwards to my lips, wrapping my bottom lip softly into his mouth bringing the all-too familiar tingles back into my skin and the constant response, always the same to wrap myself around him and never let go, my own personal siren and my own hunter to my prey-like naturalistic nature whenever the two of us physically touched each other in any way. I wasted no time in making the kiss last, wrapping my arms around his neck and enjoying the last time until we both got home to kiss again, Edward and his magical fingers and velvet, marble-like skin were the deaths of me, the deaths of the Bella who wanted to stay away from contact with a guy because of the fear of not being able to please him. My lack of experience did not open up many doors for me in opportunity, there was no ability to spread my wings and take the lessons that I may have learned and put them into practice because the lessons were non-existent. The issue of love in my own life was a battlefield between embarrassment and acceptance, in my head to maintain some kind of dignity I had accepted the reality that a guy may not ever come close in contact with me, just because with the individuals in my generation – being involved with someone is so very important, more so important than family values and self-morals. However deep down in the depths of my heart, I was embarrassed that I had never even been kissed by anyone who I shared some regard for until Edward had found me at the pub and stopped my ranting in his face – my first kiss was Seth, admittedly but I was not ashamed of that because he had some regard for me and carrying out the act of a kiss is like a confirmation of feelings on both sides. I was not able to share the same but, he needed to kiss me and so who was I to stop him from doing that much-needed deed of confirmation that his feelings for me were very real and not concocted from some kind of fantasy build-up.

I loved Edward Cullen violently, my real assumption of those feelings had never once been doubted as some kind of crush, a crush that can very easily go away because he had changed so much in such a small amount of time, it's the changing and the transition from barely speaking in the beginning to not being able to go through one day without saying something and those two opposite sides of the spectrum had happened so damn quickly. I have heard others say mostly adults that no one can fall in love until at least six months of being with someone; half a year is enough time to really know the person and make another decision to make it a long-term partnership. The younger generations never see relationships as a chance to get to know one another, anymore there isn't really such a thing as a long-term relationship because the need to follow each other and have sex before their friends becomes their one goal...Not to go onto further study and get a degree and a successful career but losing their virginities and that I always find so very sad. No, I was not jealous that I had not lost my virginity at the age of thirteen or even younger because no younger individual, perhaps for the rare few are never legal anymore and there was no law against young people who hadn't even matured in their physical form from childhood having sex, either...No one to stop them.

Edward pulled me closer and closer to him, my body now hovering over the gear stick not having enough room to really sit on his lap because that was what he was aiming for me to do and running out of air, I took my lips away letting myself take a moment but before I could go back to my own seat and out of the car, Edward had moved his lips down to my neck and had begun to run his tongue down the centre of my throat including collarbone and all I could do was squirm at the sensations, not squirm from disgust but out of desire because he had already managed to know what made my body respond, he worked me like a professional and he was not one in honesty.

"Edward, we have to go..." I wanted to sound stern but as your boyfriend is kissing along the very base of your throat, dipping into the more sensitive hollows that stand there it is very difficult to form a word let alone a sentence with a particular sounding voice.

"Do you know how hard this is going to be, you're just so beautiful Bell...I want everyone to know that no one else can have you..."

"I know, I promise when I am ready...I will let everyone know, but there are things that stop me..."

"I don't care about Seth, nor do I care about Rosalie and Tanya, they knew that there could be no exclusivity between us, my love-" Edward's voice was muffled because he never once took his attention or focus away from my neck.

"This is for the best, at least for now...We need to go and who knows maybe the more we get used to the fact of not going near one another then there is more chances for us to make it second nature, a part of our routine..."

With a deep groan, Edward pulled away from my neck and brought his eyes up to mine, "I wouldn't do this for anyone else, you know?"

"I know and I love you even more for respecting what I want..." I kissed him once on the lips for the last time before the actual school hours began, I adjusted my bag on my shoulder and opened the car door with my other hand, climbing out of it into the morning air – Edward waited a few seconds before emerging from the driver's side, I was already walking towards the reception and all the time my back was facing him, his eyes were burning into the back of my neck. I did feel regretful that we could not walk in like a couple but, Tor and Seth both needed to hear the news from me and not from someone who has no friendship with me, just a mere gossiper from the 'populars'. Neither of them deserved that.

I never once looked back, instead keeping my head straight and almost proud because I did have a reason to be proud that no one else as of yet knew about, that was that Edward had made me the first girl he ever wanted to be with, completely and utterly and there was no other feeling like it, knowing that there is someone who naturally and uncontrollably just desires to be close to you, the amount of confidence it has given me must be a record just on its own. I shouldn't care about what others think, but both Tor and Seth meant so much more to me than Rosalie and Tanya ever could and so for them, I wanted to tell them, myself.

Walking to my locker, everything was the same but different – like my entire persona and attitude had changed in such a short amount of time that all my surroundings deemed different, the corridor didn't seem so bleak or nosy from the common room and all the pupils seemed to actually possess some niceness in their personalities on this particular day to hold doors for people instead of hitting individuals with them. Perhaps it was just me, in my 'loved up' ways of thinking that running through the daisies was not a bad fantasy after all.

"Hey Bella!" Tor was waiting for me, just as I knew she would at my locker, all I could do was smile and open the door fishing it out from my pencil case embedded in the bottom of my bag, which had been through the wars this morning and being a stress reliever for my nerves. "Hey"

"You'll never guess what happened; my mum and dad actually went out to a restaurant for a romantic dinner for two and believe me, if you know my parents those kinds of gestures do not even exist in our family..."

"Did they have a good time?" I didn't really care regretfully about Tor's parents but any distraction from the 'I am going out with your crush' conversation was a much needed source of escapism, at least for a short amount of time.

"I think so, they didn't say much when they got home...I had the house to myself and, most of the time I am in my room anyway but last night I could actually walk around..."

"That's great..."

"So what's new with you?" _Um, not much since yesterday, just the fact that Edward followed me into the pub that I was staying in because, oh I forgot to tell you my mother chose her new boyfriend over me...Edward told me he loved me and yes, I loved him too!_ A whole lifetime felt like it had gone by in the space of twenty four hours, I had become someone different and Tor was exactly the same. I was lying to her, playing out her reaction in my mind for when I told her about me and Edward, in my fantasy she was walloping my head with a spade and digging my grave, who knows what reality can bring?

_Bite the bullet, Bella..._

_I could tell her about my mum...That's got to be enough for one day...Hasn't it?_

_Oh for the love of God someone help me, I hate keeping secrets from Victoria!_

"Oh this and that, did we have any work set from Hughes?"

"No unless you count getting her a brand new set of board markers a task for outside of school hours then, yes..."

"First the croissant and now the board markers, that department must keep all the supplied under wraps or something..."

"Who cares, we may not even go to France at any time in our lives so, as long as we have the basic language under our belts and a nice fat A or A* grade under our belts for the inspectors and council funding that is all that matters?"

"I hear that..."

"Bella, you seem a little tense, today..." This is why I didn't like to act like I wasn't lying because I was so crap at it, someone may as well have a flashing neon banner with the word liar pointing to the top of my head, either that or a broken halo around my head.

"Sorry, didn't get much sleep last night, sometimes one caffeine fix isn't enough in the mornings..."

"Aw well that's not good, anyway it's Friday so you have the weekend to spend in bed..." _Not my own bed, but in Edward's bed, yes!_

"Yeah, let's get to French; we don't want to have the same fate as the croissant..."

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Hey Edward!"

_Oh fuck me, why do the people that you want to burn with the garlic around your neck always seem to come up to you at the most opportune of moments?_ Rosalie was the least of my worries right now but she had the power to become my biggest problem, clearly Emmett had something to do on the football field that made his girlfriend suddenly feel the need to come and annoy me.

"What do you want, Rosalie?" I had my eyes deep into a book, for the first time in years since last reading 'Wuthering Heights', I had been able to fully escape into the pages up until now.

"Oh did someone get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?" I was in no mood for teasing especially since the history that Rosalie and I shared on that night of stupidity on my part keep making an appearance whenever we were both around one another.

"I'm busy here, Rosalie can this wait?"

"No...I want to talk to you about a party my friend, Adam is having at his house. Do you remember him?"

"The boxer with no personality and a fat ego to match, not to mention a nice inner love for alcoholic drinks...How could I forget?"

"Well, he wanted me to invite you – there are going to be a lot of ladies there and his words were 'he cannot please them all at once and so he needs helping hands'-" _what the fuck was that dude on? Suddenly sex wasn't so much an act between two people but the hands of a working group with a rota and schedule as to whom to bang and where? _ Sadly, that offer would have been music to my ears without having Bella by my side but now the thought just made me feel so sick.

"No thanks I think I'll pass..."

"What is happening with you, Edward...First you abandon us, which really isn't so bad but now you're turning down parties left, right and centre?"

"Perhaps parties are just not my thing, anymore..."

"That's bullshit; they have always been your thing..."

"Not now, if there isn't anything else would you please leave me alone?"

"Emmett hasn't said a word about you recently, do you two have some kind of secret pact that you're keeping from Tanya and I, the girlfriends..."

"Tanya is not now, nor has she ever been my girlfriend-"

"Now that Jasper has dumped her she seems to want you back..." _Sloppy seconds after Hale, over my dead body was I ever going to go near Tanya again. I happen to know that Jasper has never been tested for the amount of sex he has because after a drunken night he revealed too many hidden truths and God knows what Tanya has caught from him, he never uses condoms anyway!_

"What a shame, that was never going to last was it?"

"Yes but the Edward Cullen is always as free as a bird to spread his wings, or girls' legs whichever analogy you wish me to use..."

"I made a mistake ever getting involved with you or Tanya, when are you going to get this into your heads...The reason I am not a part of a circle is because I do not want to be there..."

"Don't be like that; what can we all do to ensure you come back?"

"Why do I seem to be a vital necessity to all of you, because I had reputation points that I stupidly should never have attempted to gain and without me, there is no hope for any of you...?"

"Not at all..."

"Then Emmett is enough to carry on the legend...Now for the last time, leave me alone..."

"So why has a bee entered your bonnet, Edward?"

Having enough, reaching my limit, I picked up the book I had cleverly already loaned out and rose from the table taking the decision to walk away, myself and out of the library altogether. There was no reason for Rosalie to enter the library because, I knew that she didn't even know there had been one since this year because she was not the type of person like Bella and I who liked to have peace. Fortunately, she didn't follow me the smartest thing she has ever done and perhaps she can find her girlfriend and speak endlessly on her failed attempts to bring me back to social acclaim. Walking around the corridors without the same people beside me inhabited a whole new outlook, the school was not filled with targets for bullying or ridicule and everyone seemed to be equal. Equal to me at any rate.

I missed Bella terribly, not having her beside me never seemed right and I knew deep down that keeping my distance from her at this time with the minor exception of our English and biology lessons was the right tactic to follow. I respected her worry about others outside of our happiness because being a person who bullied and mocked before gives me experience as to what others might say and, I may not care about what anyone else might say but Bella was more important.

Our English lesson later was going to be strange; not being allowed to look at her out of my own choice because her beauty drew me in was another change I must adapt to.

I just hoped that no one else was going to make me feel like a fool, I was not a fool for falling Bella or changing my way but to them, it was a crime never to be acknowledged or even thought of.

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Is there something pressing that you would like to talk to us about, Miss Swan?" Hughes had been alright for the first double period, but the subject of embarrassment from Weighill meant that I was next on the list. Snapping out of my daydream, I clenched my teeth together to hide out my anger whirlwind because as much as my teacher may take pleasure in making younger pupils cry, other obstacles that have crumpled me made me more emotional than she ever could.

"No Mrs Weighill..." I answered somewhat politely.

"Then can you tell me what the answer to the equation is...Seeing as you have much better things to think about than your education." _Why does the stupid cow always do this? Experience perhaps can show her that whatever she asks me, I already know the answer!_

"A hundred and fifty"

"Then, you can come up to the board and right out the next equation I set you for homework, some people in the class can benefit from your wisdom...I am sure..."

Huffing out a slow exhale quietly enough for her near-deaf ears never to register, I stood up taking my textbook with me in one hand and closed the distance between my table and the board. Picking up the pen, I took a small moment to breathe in the strong scent, dangerous scent of the board marker and wrote down the equation followed by an atrocious attempt of a perfect circle with the correct highlighted lines to the chord, radius and diameter.

"Now, if you continue to daydream into thin air...I will have you tell the rest of the class all the answers next time..." _Go ahead; perhaps I can do a better job at teaching than you ever could!_

"Sorry Miss" I replied over-sweetly and sat back down, a few stifled laughs from the rest of the class at my response to the stupidity of our supposed A-Level teacher.

The rest of the double went on with Weighill taking the smart decision to never pick on me again and when the final beeps rang through the room, the angels sang down to me and I could not get out of the classroom quick enough. Rushing to my locker, I picked out Esme's lunch that she had made Edward and I, Emmett seemed to find other ways to get his food and ran down to meet Tor in the canteen.

The atmosphere was buzzing, much like usual but the great factor about walking into a crowded space like this one was that no one else found interest in people coming and going, in a smaller group perhaps that of a classroom my worst fear was being late for some reason because all eyes would turn to me and the heat in my cheeks would rise. Tor waved to me from our usual table and I sat down, taking out the delicious Panini's that Esme had made just this morning, they were not as warm now but the smell was enough to get my taste buds going. Seeing as I denied her breakfast, eating her lunch was a duty and frankly, it smelt too good to throw away.

"Wow, your mum made those?"

_Um...Not quite._

"No, I got them from near me this morning...Mum had to go out somewhere early this morning..."

"Ah, must be better than this canteen food any day, to be honest a can of dog food would be much more satisfying..."

"Yeah..."

"The popular table seems to be gainer lesser members with each passing day..."

"Tor, honestly why do you have so much interest in that table, those people are hardly worth it?"

"I know, it's just a bad habit but...They sit there like they are teen royalty, if this school had a magazine every member on that table would constantly be on the cover."

"Then that is surely their problem."

"Did you hear about Tanya and Jasper?"

"Oh let me guess, they have decided to elope to Vegas and invite every member of a press newspaper and magazine to take record of the happy event...Something along those lines?"

"No but admittedly that does sound like something they would do-"Tor chuckled hiding her smile with the back of one of her hands. "No Jasper dumped her, apparently..."

"What a shame, how long was that going to last though?"

"Apparently she is destroyed..."

"Destroyed, is that a word for finding the next conquest..."

"You know Bella; I could watch you bitch about Rosalie and Tanya all day."

"It will take me more than a day to reveal my real thoughts and feelings about them, the main reason as to why I hate them so much is because...They bully people and that is never right no matter how hard the bully's lives are. Hardship is what makes us learn and avoid not to remember and act out to others who never deserve the victimization."

"Do you want a drink or something?"

"Why the sudden change in subject?"

"Jasper has just walked in and I do not want to sit through what happened last time, unlike you I have no guts to stand up for myself if he ever spoke to me..."

"Just tell them the truth, about what horrible people they are – that usually gets people laughing and cheering me on. Oh go on then, if you're treating me...I'll have a coke"

With a smile, Tor rose from our table and disappeared out of view...I looked over at the door and coincidentally, Edward walked in and shot me a small smile enough to let me know that he had seen me but not for anyone else to think anything untoward was happening behind the gesture...He seemed to have made his own table, away from the others but not a position for others to wonder why he was there. No one dare say anything about Edward.

I scanned back to the popular table and saw that Rosalie and Tanya were whispering to one another looking in the direction of where my Edward was sitting – their speech and remarks were inaudible but the expressions on their faces spoke more volumes. I felt angry that they were speaking about him, that his change that had made me fall in love with him was the strangest thing in the world, just because of envy and jealousy that Edward was moving on to greater heights.

"Here you go..." Tor took me away from looking at the popular table where Jasper had taken it upon himself to join the gossip.

"Oh thank you" I said appreciatively opening the cold can and taking a swig, the fizzy sensations clouding my throat and bringing tears to my eyes.

"Seems like Jasper has joined in the death plan to Edward for leaving the group..."

"I don't know why; beyond appearances the two of them hate one another..."

"What do you mean?"

_Crap, a slip of the tongue...Think Bella...Think!_

"I mean you can just see it, do you really think that any of those people really like each other and can call themselves friends?"

"That's a point..."

"Whoa, wait a minute why is Boyle speaking to Edward?"

Tor's revelation made me look towards his table, there leaning down beside him speaking in hushed and more inaudible verbal language, I frowned, judging by my last encounter with the woman the only time she spoke to students personally was when they had done something wrong in her endless book of school rules, but what had Edward done? If indeed he was being spoken to for doing something wrong?

"I wonder what she wants..." Tor broke off her comment, Edward had risen from the chair and followed Boyle out of the canteen in the opposite entrance to the one that we both had entered through, Rosalie and Tanya were making some comments to the nature of his departure as well. I suddenly felt sick.

What was going on?

~~**~Edward~**~~

_I really hate this office!_

Boyle had cornered me in the canteen, pretty much showing all the members of the school that I was to be punished for something that I haven't done or broken some kind of rule that she had made up on the spot. I was not her favourite person after my little escapade with Hale and now, there must be some reason as to why I was back here.

I sat down looking like a great lemon as Boyle conversed with her assistant. "Now will you go and get the female member of the sixth who got voted into organising this please?"

"Yes Mrs Boyle" the assistant left the room, I kept my eyes into Boyle's showing her that no punishment she could ever give me would make me want to leave this school. I do not think she would necessarily want to exclude me permanently because of my average attainment grades for her own school's reputation.

"Mr Cullen, I must state that you are not in this office under the same circumstances as last time, nice to see that you have seen the error of your ways in that particular show of raging male hormones. What I want to talk to you about is something that I want you to do for me."

_What the hell could she want me to do?_

"There is going to be a Christmas gathering for all the pupils of the lower years, a little celebration of sorts that have proven to be very popular in the past..."

"A gathering?"

"Well to put it differently, an event where the use of the auditorium is used and there is access to all of the equipment..."

"Basically a disco?"

"Do people of your age still call it a disco, Mr Cullen?" Boyle sat down placing her hands together on her desk and leaning forwards, she almost looked a little like she wanted me to be persuaded, but this idea was already doomed because no one in their right mind was going to spend a free night at school, party or not.

"No, we call them parties..."

"Then for Christmas...We have parties..."

"Are staff invited?"

"Of course..." _No chance in hell is this going to work!_

"Look, Mrs Boyle as much as this kind of thing may have helped and been fun in the past, no one in this sixth form is going to come..."

"This is why I want you to organise it, Mr Cullen..."

"Whoa, why me...Garrett Brown is the head boy of Wildernesse, surely that's his job-"

"He has been taken ill and seeing as Mr Herbert did not promote or give another student the role as deputy then I took the person who knew this sixth form better than anyone, not all in good ways but of course you have the knowledge to back yourself up..."

"So I am supposed to arrange a party here, in the auditorium where no one in their right mind is going to come to and make it a one-man show?"

"Perhaps you can find another place to organise the event, the school will supply you with a target budget but any money that increases that will come out of your own pocket..."

"The school is giving me money to organise a party, Miss, no offence but that's suicide..."

"Maybe...But you will have another person to help you, she will be down here to join us shortly and we shall discuss the best course of action..."

"Does the money have to be repaid?"

"Yes through fundraising schemes..."

"Fundraising?"

"Sell things, organise games and events where people donate to help the sixth form with their annual year prom in July, that way the school does not lose money..."

"What people are going to donate money to the school?"

"In my day, kissing booths and one-day escorts proved to be the best financial tactic..."

"So I organise kissing booths for young children who have never been shown that kind of act before, enhance them into more sexual maturity than their hormones are at naturally and get money for it."

"Well if you put it that way..."

"Mrs Boyle, is there some way that we can hold a day of games, where everyone can enjoy themselves without raging hormones and instinctive natures?"

"That is exactly why you're the best male candidate for the job. Ah come in!" she looked above my head and I heard the door close "Mr Cullen and I are in deep discussion about what the two of you want for the Christmas party. What are your thoughts?"

"I was thinking the village hall"

_Oh fuck my life, my heart has just stopped._ Grimacing, I turn to the seat beside me and find the person who always has the ability to now make my skin crawl.

"Hello, Edward" she smiled, I wanted to vomit then and there.

_Tanya Denali!_


	45. Throbbing Heads

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

"No...No...NO!"

"Now Edward where's your enthusiasm...I am really looking forward to organising a great event for the sixth form..."

"Since when have _you_ ever cared about this school, simply walking around day after day treating everyone else like they are inferior and that they aren't good enough to keep from the squashing of your designer shoes-"

"Ah I think there was a time when you also liked to walk around insisting superiority, Edward and let's not forget that all of us, even the really 'innocent' goodie-goodies like Isabella Swan have a past and a side to our personalities we dislike..."

"Don't you dare mention Bella's name in here!"

"Or what, don't think that you can brush me off with a comment almost sounding like a threat and expect me to let it wash – Bella is your sore-spot Edward we can all see that and there is clearly something going on!"

"Shut up!"

"Alright, Mr Cullen will you please sit down?" Boyle had asked me to do this absolutely horrid thing with Tanya Denali and now the lazy bitch had decided to watch us argue like an excitable audience member on the Jerry Springer show, whatever happened to teachers being the role-model for their students, since when did the new school rules state that pupils have to behave like prisoners and teachers can enjoy some entertainment at their pupil's expenses?

"I am not doing this!" I have never been so certain not to do anything in my entire life, if I took this role on Tanya and I's time together would increase so much that Bella may get upset and honestly I want time with her, I want to spend as much time in my whole free days as a student with the girl I so very much loved instead of the one I wanted to desperately kill.

"Edward, at least think about this..."

"No, I am sorry Miss but you cannot sit there and tell me that there is no one else who can do this...I do not have a great relationship with Tanya as you have already gawked at and us working together is going to be an absolute disaster..."

"The reason I chose you, Edward was not because of your already extensive knowledge of the school's sixth-form but it seems in the last few weeks that each of your teachers have become very proud of you..."

"What?"

"I believe what it all came down to was that you have turned around your attitude and began to work harder, much better even than the last year you failed your chances...Since my staff feel it is necessary to give a second chance then I decided to give you this opportunity to show me that the old Edward Cullen is gone..."

"I can prove that to you, but not like this..."

"Oh come on, Edward...We will have so much fun..."

"Fun, you think that organising a party, which no one is going to appreciate is _fun_? With _alcohol_ because knowing you some bottles are always going to find their way on a table with plastic cups so that all the younger pupils can illegally drink and get so drunk that they end up in acts that they are going to regret the next morning. That is all f_un?"_

"No need to give me the moral high ground, with your past I do not think that it is your right to disclose facts to me about younger people. There was a time where the mere thought of caring about anyone else but yourself made you sick..."

"I am different now..."

"Yes, the Edward Cullen that strove to be a legend has gone, and in his place sits a pussy-whipped Edward, with only the desire to deflower Bella Swan on his mind. When have you ever wanted to rid a girl of her 'V' card, Edward...I remember you saying one night at a raving party that breaking a barrier was enough to place a bag over your head and jump off a cliff...That you'd rather die than have to be the one who fucks an innocent freak-"

"YOU BITCH!" I rose from the chair; there was so much spite and hatred in Tanya's voice that my emotions and building anger at her obvious jealousy towards the assumed idea that Bella and I had something sent stinging sensations down my spine. The jealousy making her an easy target to wind-up and annoy and then and there I wanted so desperately to tell her that Bella was going to be the best girlfriend ever because I love everything about her but, Bella didn't want that right now.

"Tanya, get outside...I need to speak with Mr Cullen!" I was panting, wheezing, my nostrils flaring the woman who had once given me so much pleasure from constantly feeding my ego had now made me need to pull out a gun and blast her brains across the Scottish memorabilia on the walls of Boyle's office. Never once had I wanted to hurt a woman, never so much as right now...It was bad enough having Rosalie speak to me but Tanya had always been worse because of her constant habit of wanting and needing attention.

The door closed and Boyle and I were left in silence...I wiped the tears with the back of my hand, not once realising that they were there until one tear fell down my cheek.

"Edward, would you explain to me what the extent of your relationship with Tanya is?"

"Tanya is nothing to me, she was never anything to me...Yes, in the past for many years I have done wrong and definitely acted wrong – thinking that my shit doesn't stink was never going to help me in the long-haul but...Now, she repulses me. I am sorry to say it but that girl is going to cause so many problems in my life, don't you understand that the sole reason I am saying no is because if I say yes she will never leave me alone?"

"What kind of problems, be as specific as you can Edward because I need to have a good enough reason to attempt to find someone else in your place?"

"What Tanya thinks, about Bella Swan and I...It's true and we are both trying to find a way of making our relationship public but, thanks to the gossiping and hatred of Bella that lies n most of the members of the sixth-form...Working with Tanya is going to upset her and I am not going to be the reason she is upset or doubts herself to be good enough for me. Bella Swan is milestones better than I, she could be with anyone who really deserves her but she chose me, she loves me and I want to make this work...Because I love her, too" after my confession, there was another silence over us in the room, the realisation of my telling all to the headmistress who probably on many occasions would have thrown a party of her own to see the back of me in her school hit me like a ton of bricks and in response to the sudden desire to punch my body constantly I put my head in my hands.

Bella needed to tell Victoria about us, because as much as I disliked the reality of telling Boyle, I now wanted to go on and on about how beautiful my girlfriend was, how much she meant to me...How she had turned me into this person that I never knew existed and that there was a place for us, a place to belong and to only feel each other's love – every hour of every day if that were possible. I wanted everyone to know that she was mine.

"Mr Cullen, that _is_ a good enough reason..." Boyle actually smiled as she replied to me, in return all I could manage was a small, nervous one...How high was the percentage of guys who come into her office and bear out their souls, exactly? Too fucking low! "Can you suggest anyone else who could manage to do as good a job as you could?"

"There is always Jasper Hale..."

"I thought you disliked him..."

"I hate him, more than Satan and the idea of a burning hell beneath our feet but, he and Tanya have a different kind of relationship...Together the two of them would find a way to make this work."

"There have been too many incidents with Mr Hale, not to mention a load of pre-conceived ideas and assumptions about the kind of person he is, especially around women. He is not an ambassador of this school, like a person like you who have changed, not only the desires of their hearts but their educational prospects..."

"Bella changed me...She made me better and, working with Tanya Denali or even Rosalie Adams is a threat to the very beginning of our great relationship...I have come so far and been so stupid to have not seen how much she has meant to me from the very moment I met her as a new student in this school to let all of that go, the thought of her leaving me is too unbearable."

"I have a new found faith in you, Edward...You are a person capable of great love even though you may many a time never have known that reality. I should not be surprised from how caring and loving both your parents are towards you..."

"So if there isn't anything else, I really should be getting to lessons..."

"Is there nothing I can say to change your mind?" As I rose from the seat, I took a moment to think logically in my head, weighing up my options as it were and if this situation were balanced on scales, my position would be so far down and weighted with the huge 'what ifs' and also my relationship with Bella would be deep down in the ground. What kind of question was that? Is there anything that she can say? Does she own a crystal ball in her countless collection of Scottish ornaments and pictures, can Boyle tell me that I will be alright when everything that I wanted shot to shit because I made one stupid decision?

Losing Bella was far too much, beyond words even and I refuse to risk what the two of us have worked on to get to this point in stupidity. Tanya is not the type of person to ever be around for more than five minutes, the patience wears thin because she cannot hold a decent conversation, organising with her over white or pink roses for an entrance arch made me feel sick...This whole situation made me feel sick. As I looked into Boyle's defeated eyes, I was a little regretful to throw away what she had asked me, clearly the woman is finding some glimmer of hope in my changed attitude like my teachers but, I wasn't permanently changed for the better. Hanging around with Tanya would bring everything back, the history, the memory of choosing to break Bella's heart and the worst traits that still reside in my soul from the teenage wanting for acceptance.

"I am sorry, miss...I have to thank you for asking me first, but you do not understand Tanya Denali – she is very easy to read and this won't be just a 'business' relationship, she will want more and having been there and honestly treating her unkindly I do not want to go back."

"Then, if you have made the right decision...Thank you for being open with the proposition Mr Cullen and please keep up the great work with your teachers...The grades you receive the next two years will be vital to a possible successful career."

"Thank you" nodding my head, I turned and opened the office door, nearly breaking Tanya's nose in the process...Frankly, I wanted to do so much more but what kind of person...What kind of man would I be if I forced pain and violence onto another individual, especially a woman...I use the term 'woman' loosely in Tanya's case but no matter what my personal feelings towards her are she is still a woman and it is rightly frowned upon to hurt the gentler sex.

"So have you decided?"

"Tanya, if you had managed to eavesdrop properly, you would know that there is nothing pressing me to agree to this my feelings forbid it in every possible way...Go and find someone else to fawn over because it won't be me!"

"Edward, don't be like that..." I was a little stunned that she had grabbed my arm taking away my original plan to be out of her face.

"Tanya, leave me alone...If there is one decision, one wise decision that you can make between now and when we all leave it's that..."

"So Bella has changed you?"

"The change is not so bad; actually it's amazing that she has managed to bring out the person that I wanted to be all along..."

"You said..."

"I said a lot of things back then, Tanya...Ninety five percent of which I regret because I could not have been more stupid if I had tried. There is someone who can work better on this event than me and the two of you can have a proper business relationship, but this is never going to be business Tanya and I am sorry for everything that I have done to you, t was wrong to use you in such a way and there are many people better than me..."

"Bullshit!"

"It's true, like you said...No one wants someone who is pussy-whipped...Let's face it you're a person who is never going to belong to another who radiates love...Have true feelings, but give this up, Tanya...Give this up now and look for the proper things in life. Acceptance is nothing unless you're surrounded by others that care"

"What the fuck are you talking about, what's happened to you?"

"I have gained a heart, I have gained a better outlook on how we have all treated people, and we are all bullies and excuse me for wanting to change that!"

"Bullying was the only thing we had, the times where everyone looked so small compared to us..."

"Replay that sentence in your head and tell me that it is right, deep down you know that the popular circle isn't right..."

"Well Emmett is much better, he was always better than you!"

"If that is you clutching at straws to get a comeback then I have to agree with you, Emmett is the person who belongs in that place but I have always been better than my brother – it just took me far too long to realise that I was the nicer brother all along...Now, if you'll excuse me I have to get to lessons.." I tugged her hand off of my arm, possessing the advantage in being stronger than her and started to walk away, past the assistant and near to the exit doors into the buzzing corridors.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU SLEPT WITH ROSALIE?"

~~**~Bella~**~~

_Where is he?_

_Where's my Edward?_

The English Literature double period had already begun and there was the one empty seat in the classroom which worried me above anything else. Osborn had ticked Edward as present in the register muttering something to herself as she drew the tick by his name on the list but my mind was suddenly away from the criteria and learning objectives of the lesson. Edward had been taken by Boyle, not so much taken like kidnapped but he must have a good reason for Osborn to not be concerned with his absence in her class. Especially when, academically he was one of the best to get her a better grade average for her teaching...I was nauseas with my head in overdrive, the countless questions about why he was in Boyle's office and the hacking of going into the past into things that he may have done to piss her off. I got nothing.

Edward hadn't done anything wrong in weeks so what was so important that he needed to be taken out of his lessons to speak with the headmistress?

I was also harbouring on the reality of seeing Tanya go from the canteen prematurely, shorter than her usual stay at the table because of the members deliberately staying to watch all the minions of the lower years leave, watch some even fall over or make more fools of themselves. Where had she gone? Was she with Edward?

"Miss Swan, are you alright?"

Osborn took me away, my cheeks had flamed red and the pores of sweat were seeping through my forehead, I was not angry...I was petrified and looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights was the last thing to do, now. Why can't I be a good person and ignore my head? Why must I always jump to conclusions about the whereabouts of others?

"Sorry, miss..."

"Is anything the matter?" Unlike Weighill, Osborn wanted to find a genuine reason for another pupil's daydreams...Almost like she could not imagine anyone not wanting to be in her lesson although in truth there were many in here that wish they were at home either spending time with their girlfriends or smoking their secret stash of drugs.

"I feel a little sick, miss..."

"Do you want to go to the nurse?" _Yeah like the nurse would be able to cure me from the paranoid thought of my boyfriend, who should not be disclosed as my boyfriend yet in the same room as his ex-bit on the side. Not just any bit on the side, either. The girl who managed to make life a living hell for both of us in always being there!_

"Yes please." I knew that this was wrong, I was not feeling sick however the anger had started to bubble inside my stomach and the confirmation that Edward was in actual fact nowhere near Tanya Denali was a necessity that couldn't wait to be demolished...I trusted Edward with my life but the reality was that I was never going to trust Tanya. Being surrounded constantly by people like her had gained me the experience to know how she clicked, the conversation about chocolate bars in the toilet between her and Edward's other easy lay before finding some fun in his brother proved that.

I stood up and walked to Osborn's desk, she handed me a signed pass and a text book to read over the weekend and allowed me to collect my things from my desk as she carried on her teaching of the others in the room, with my head bowed...I stepped out into the corridor and closed the door to Osborn's room, turning left to show that I was heading towards the nurse's office when in actual fact there was another staircase to go down one floor to Boyle's office in another area of the school. The building was literally walkways of corridors as long as anything as well as a bunch of stairs going up and down to different departments. Steadily pacing myself so as not to throw anything against the wall and make a scene, the anger becoming too much to deal with even constricting the real flow of my throat with dryness at the same time – I walked to the office, praying that I would not find my boyfriend with the person I'd easily beat to death if I had any strength.

I am coming, Edward!

~~**~Edward~**~~

"What?"

The shout came out of me, she was now accusing me of something that she had known about all along, no doubt playing the guilt trip to have over me...Tanya already had too much on me from having a big mouth and so...Now was not the time to give her anymore ammunition for her to spread around. This girl was so unbelievably selfish and self-absorbed, I'm surprised she wanted to be in relationships at all with the opposite sex because she clearly loved herself too much!

"Yeah, forgot to mention that you fucked my best friend!" _Wrong!_

"Don't give me that, you were not friends with Rosalie at that time and I did tell you; remember when we had argument number two hundred?"

"You're a liar, Edward...In this change you have made so astounding to the rest of the teaching staff in this dump no one is going to like a liar!"

"Oh how one minute you wanted to give the lower years a chance to be at one with the elders and consume themselves to an early death with alcohol and now you call the school a dump, who elected you?"

"Now who is clutching at straws...?"

"I do not need to clutch at anything...I tell the truth and do not go around making assumptions that can be the reasons to ruin people's lives. Is there not one shred of dignity inside you, Tanya?"

"Edward Cullen acting better than everyone else, you're doing that right now. Can you stand there and tell me that all those times you wanted me...You were being genuine?"

"Yes...I didn't need you, I didn't need to love you, and worship you like men should do...Instead I wanted your mouth on my cock to get me off. I used you to get me off, Tanya there was no other feeling but the need to get you to give me a blowjob because I was frustrated going a few hours without it. That's the awful truth..."

"So you liked it, because I am damn sure that Bella will never be able to be as good as me, that girl is so inexperienced she belongs in a nunnery!"

"Don't you talk about her!"

"Aah that's right she is the sore spot, so tell me, Edward have you taken away that innocence...Did you win the bet all along?"

"Bella knew about the bet, but she forgave me...Now we're friends, good friends and that is the way that things are going to stay..."

"Again more bullshit, I see the pigs flying above our heads now, Edward. Why would someone like you be interested in her, she is a social nobody and will never amount to anything good..."

"Oh anything good being getting men off at parties and fucking in closets and getting Lord knows how many diseases from her conquests. Is that what you consider 'anything good' because Bella is milestones better than that..."

"You certainly talk about her like she is more than a friend, does she know the real depths of your feelings, Edward...Does she blush when she sees you turned on and aroused, bet she looks like a real idiot..."

"Stop it...You can never compare Bella with you, there is no competition...You have your wants to be accepted that you go to any lengths to get your way. Do you wonder how pathetic that really is, how pathetic you are?"

"Pathetic am I, am I really so pathetic to be angry at you sleeping with Rosalie?"

"Yes, because all of that happened a long time ago, before she began anything with my brother...I did not cheat on you because we had no relationship and I did not cause any pain to my brother because he never liked her back then. What you fail to realise is that Rosalie is playing my older brother like an instrument..."

"Someone has to..."

"Have you listened to yourself, how is anyone going to genuinely like you when all this crudeness and immaturity flies out of your mouth. Rosalie does not even like you, she told me that the only reason she puts up with you so that she could find out more about me!"

"You liar!"

"It's the truth, I am not the bad person but seeing as you are stooping to low depths then I have more information than you ever could and the difference between my stooping and yours, is that mine are all true!"

"Shut up!"

"Not nice is it, Tanya?"

"You bastard, I do not even know why I gave you so much pleasure...When all you do now is throw it in my face...I hope Bella considers herself lucky to have a permanently horny son of a bitch for a friend who will never shot his load so powerfully as he did with me with any other conquest who comes along!"

"Edward!"

I turned instantly, luckily Tanya and I were not shouting our private lives so much in the same proximity as Boyle's office, I had some sense to move us to an empty room nearby but of course, my Bella was going to hear me as anyone would and the confirmation was there. Tanya scoffed loudly as my eyes dawned onto Bella, she had tears in her eyes and she was shaking...I wanted so much to run over and take her into my arms but that public show of affection was going to get our nemesis talking.

"Osborn wants you to come back to the lesson..." my beautiful girl managed to choke out, before turning away from view behind a wall further down the corridor. In her escape, I decided to take my own walking fast but not choosing to run in her pursuit, leaving Tanya probably stunned on her own in the corridor.

Once in the safety of not being in Tanya's eye contact, I ran to Bella grabbing her hand and leading her down another corridor, one that does not get used thanks to the many teachers who have left positions and found the first empty classroom, before letting her step inside and closing the door behind us.

"Are you okay?" she whispered to me, the sound of mine and Tanya's arguing causing some kind of shock to her emotional state, stepping back and bringing her with me...I managed to get us both away from the door so as not to cause suspicion and wasting no time to take in the absolute love of my life bringing my itching thumbs up to her eyes, brushing away the timid moisture of her tears her eyes never leaving mine. The emotion proved too much for me, breathing and taking in all that Bella was...Needing her warmth, My head fell onto her shoulder, my arms wrapping around her, enticing her in strength to prove how much she meant to me, the sobs fell easily onto the floral scent of her clothes and the strawberry smell of her hair, Bella ran one hand through my hair as the other circled my spine...I couldn't look into her face, anymore the shame of being the person who had caused her upset was enough to make me take out some scissors and hack my skin to the bone.

"I'm sorry..." I sobbed into her shoulder, the sound muffled, her hand on my back increased speed.

"Oh my love, please tell me...What did she do to you?" Bella asked, the emotion still obvious in the tone of her voice but at the same time bringing me soothing sensations through her hands to comfort me. This is why she was important in my life, one of the many reasons as to why I loved her so much, because she loved me enough to care about what may have happened and have the strength inside her soul to hear it.

I wanted to cry more and more, but Bella pulled me away from her shoulders and cupped my face her breath blowing on my face, consuming my soul in nothing but my love and utter adoration for her.

"Tell me, tell me how I can make it all better?" she whispered, caressing one of my cheeks slowly and wiping my falling tears from them in the same movements.

"Oh Bell, thank God for you...Boyle wanted me to organise a party with Tanya but, I can't do it my love...I can't face her without ever wishing that you were in her place..."

"Ssh...I am not mad at you for speaking to Tanya, I am mad at her...I am mad at myself..."

"Bell..."

"Don't you see, I was so worried when you weren't in the English lesson...My panic was so automatic that it took me by surprise...I suddenly thought horrible things that Tanya could do...Persuade you, arouse you...Do the things that I can never do-"

"No-"

"Yes, Edward...It's true. I can't live this charade, pretending that we're only friends when my heart only beats for you...I will tell Tor tomorrow about us and find some way of meeting up with Seth..."

"Bell, I am not going to have you meet him...In case he does anything..."

"My darling Edward...I love you for respecting my choice but there is no way that I can make this a long-term thing. Living in pretence, I have done it for so long that now...Now that there is everything I could ever want in my arms...I cannot let it go whilst there is breath left in my body."

"Tanya will never be anything to me, she accuses me...She repulses me and she infuriates me...I never wanted you to see me angry Bella, I have such a temper..."

"I don't care. You're human, and you're mine...I want everyone to know that..."

"You mean that, baby?"

With a nod she confirmed everything, giving me a small smile of relief that we were now about to go public, Bella Swan was my absolute world.

I brought my lips down to hers but, my actions went unnoticed as she lowered her own head to mould her lips to my neck, my head tilting further back at the sensations and desires only she could bring out in the very pores of my skin. Slowly and torturously she moved down my neck kissing every area she could reach, surrounding us both in our little bubble once again, I breathed out deeply hiding the moans that wanted to come out instead and let her do it, my hips bucking ever so often against her stomach, I was worried that she had managed to feel my desire for her but like nothing else, she continued letting my hips move and never once flinching at our bodies' contact.

"My Bell...I adore you..." I breathed out, my hands moving to the sides of her waist and caressing her skin, the defines of her ribs and her navel...Her lips had moved to trail along my collarbone and with the threaten to lose all control then and there...I ran my fingers through her hair and brought her head back up, silencing her question as to why I stopped her with a kiss so passionate that my whole body felt like I was floating on air.

I kissed her with everything that I had...She was mine and always will be.


	46. Tangled Webs

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

I had deliberately gotten up early to make sure that I was ready to make the dreaded walk of shame to Seth's house, knowing that he had practice on a Saturday in the afternoon gave me the instinctive decision to see him in the morning. It felt like a walk of shame even though using that certain analogy gave others the impression that I maybe felt embarrassed about what I had with Edward. I never once felt regret, upset or embarrassment at the reality that he and I were together, we were not together this particular morning because yesterday zonked me out and I went to bed early, Edward respecting my decision stayed away and slept in his own room. At the same time, I missed him so much when we were away from one another for a few moments and how much like a cheesy chick-flick film script does my mind sound like right now! Perhaps those cheesy movies do have a point, instead of scarring people with the cruel reality of never finding love that easy not all couples in love despise one another. Some couples in the world can have the same love enhanced then and there on the screen, not a great love like literary characters but enough to make the feelings they possess a strong, realistic and practical love.

The room was empty and felt so very empty, now that I had changed into some warmer clothes, of course not bothering to make myself look good in case Seth had the inclination that the effort was all for him, I hated the fact that he may be upset over something that I had no control over...I did not ask for him to love me, instead only bear the brunt of his genuine and admittedly very sweet confession and not have the power or the heart to make him see that the feeling was mutual. Seth deserved someone else, perhaps even not in this country because his dad works abroad but a soul like his can only be alone and live independently for so long before things begin to change. I have had my change and his could not be so far away, let's face it if my life can change than anyone's can because I was not even expecting to be falling in love so deeply...The saying being 'love with find you at the most unexpected time' to reek nothing but utter truth.

Cosmo had come to sleep with me, in Edward's absence he made a nice small comfort, especially since he now had his owner back with him, no one could have done a better job in looking after my dog but the Cullen's, no matter whether I returned back here or not – my puppy was almost a full-grown dog and taking him away from my mother was the best decision that I have ever made.

As I lingered over the touch screen circle of my iPod, which had been of better use now that Edward had supplied me with my own dock like his own on the bedside table of his bedroom, I began to scan the playlists and find some calming music, not so much the melodic tunes of classical compositions that Edward plays in the mornings, but some kind of easy-listening because my mind needed to calm down. Seth had always managed to break me out into a sweat and now that I was to disclose that I could never be his was no exception to the sudden shakiness of my hands and the butterflies in my stomach. These feelings were all too familiar they may as well become a VIP member to my everyday routine. I had promised Edward that I was going to tell the two people I needed to tell before anyone else, his argument with Tanya had left him beside himself with emotion – not many people would be upset for arguing with someone they despise but Edward did always have a real good heart but had decided to bury it for so long that now, when his automatic response included heartache he was ill-equipped to deal with the strange overwhelmed feelings. I was never mad at him for speaking to her, of course my blame went to her because Edward would never in a million years choose to speak to her first off of his own back and so...She was trying to find some way to wheedle her way in and got nowhere as a result, nice to know that she had failed. I then was left with the thought that maybe seeing as she had given him so much pleasure that I was never going to have the ability or the opportunity with the way that things are going to prove to be better in showing my love for him.

I walked over to the large window, luckily for me as the person who was staying in there at this moment in time, I did not have to look onto my own house like Edward did from his own window – instead I could have the chance to look out onto my 'neighbours' houses where there had never been any inclination or desire to do so, before. The world, the road we all lived in seemed so much more interesting now that my life had been taken away from me, the interest in others' lives had increased, was anyone really truly happy? Is there individuals who have experienced regret and injustice and their outcome was indeed to settle for second best?

My injustice had had led me to experience the best situation that I could have ever gained, losing my mum which honestly now did not feel like much of a hardship because like anything in life, we all have free will to make our own decisions but the consequences being that we have to manage to deal with them, mum will have the harder reaction however many years down the line because she will probably not manage to live with herself, especially when hypothetically if her life ended up with her as a single-manager with no Phil then coping alone is going to be hell for her. Losing dad was hell because she had gotten used to being a part of a couple for so many years and mum will never have the stamina and level-headedness to be a 'single' person again...A zebra could run right pass her in the street and she'd never notice, that's how natural scatty she is.

As I looked out, scanning the road where a few people emerged from different houses minding their own business, I began to wonder whether I was going to end up being one of them down the line. My own house, my own building foundation of a family, was I going to be with Edward? Or will something happen down the line that fate hasn't yet gave me a hint about and there is someone else who belongs beside me in destiny? The thought, even now so soon into our relationship that Edward was not going to be with me for a permanent time, permanent being for the rest of my living days gave me an ache in my chest an elephant may as well be sitting flat on it.

Now that I was going to make our relationship public to the guy who had loved me, first and the only member of the opposite sex who has ever been nice to me as well was everything going to go tits-up, my worst fear revealing itself because the fear is the one thing I wanted to avoid so much. For everyone else, my relationship was a comical farce – why would someone like Edward be with me? Kissing me is a crime and going within the same personal bubble as me deserves a prison sentence. Or at least a trial for old-traditional death sentences.

To find some way to soothe my shaky hands, I ran my hands through my hair needing to get a hold of an action to keep my mind at bay, standing by the window wasn't enough to calm me, staring at the normal lives of others was hurting my soul, at least giving me a twinge of pain where I ought not to feel it there at all. Perhaps I missed the normalcy of my old life, the everyday routine and the happenings and feelings on the day all became second-nature where I didn't need to ponder on the little things that should never be thought about for a long amount of time. The tears fell for the nerves that made my body nauseous and the assumptions that turned my head into a large lake of negativity, never once did I think about Edward in my struggle to find a silver lining in my already assumed bad situation I was about to face and stupidly, thinking the bad side of matters became too easy as a result. Knowing my luck, can anyone really blame me?

I was not prepared to lose Edward over any guess that he and I were never going to last, at least that would make the others right. Why do I want to make the people who cause us pain and heartbreak to win, all there assumptions to be made true because of my natural cowardice decisions – I was not going to let Edward go, not now that we had finally found one another through the crap that I have been dealt by the fate masters. The fate masters may have done me a huge favour in bringing him to me, shedding some light on my natural feelings for him on my side, the same feelings that have been there all along. Tanya and Rosalie could say what they want about me, but never once bring spite or bullshit onto Edward's shoulders because I was going to be the sole person getting the blame for taking him away from his 'herd'. The hard thing for me was to tell the people whose opinions did matter so much to me and whose reactions feared me like nothing else.

The dock began to play, a little late from my switching it on and to start off with, the sudden music made me jump in fright because like so many times I engulf into the ins and outs of my head I forgot that I had ever pressed the play button at all.

The soothing, beautiful piano melody at the beginning of the song gave me incentive to get a grip, if Edward can tell Tanya where to shove it (pretty much) then I could tell Seth the truth because even if he meant to make me feel more guilt than already bestowed in my soul then so be it, we all have to make our beds and lie in them.

"Bell?"

I hadn't expected Edward to come into see me, today...He had been so peaceful with his dreams when I had gotten out of my bed, at least that is what I thought considering the house was quieter than a graveyard at night. Wrapping my arms around myself, I clenched my hands to them ignoring the desire to turn around and have him see me sad. I do hate to see the concern in his eyes at my emotions, almost like he was so in tune with me and being so in love with him it was never an option to be silent, I had to bear everything to Edward, sometimes facts and feelings that only existed in my head before.

I was motionless and quiet biting down on my trembling lip to keep the sobs at bay...I could feel Edward walk towards me, lord knows how I managed to gain eyes at the back of my head but the two of us could finish each other's sentences and we were made for one another in body and soul, cheesy I know but it was the truth...Edward's beautiful breaths shallow and timid came closer and closer within my ear shot and I closed my eyes taking in a huge sigh at the change of atmosphere in the room. The man could make the stone-cold hearted individuals of this world smile if he wanted to, the changes he had in the air was unreal but amazing at the same time, he could bring me down from my nervous, shaking state and back to the reality that he was always going to stick by me. Sometimes those kinds of things need to be said even if I was not at prone to taking compliments very much at all.

Edward's two hands smoothed up and down my arms, ghosting around my clenched fingertips in the motions, even the kind gesture did not relax my muscles, instead only make me bite down on my lip even harder perhaps causing blood to spill from the open wound. "What is it, baby?" he whispered, the tingles of his breath awakening the skin on my neck just underneath my left ear.

"I'm fine..." I whispered releasing my teeth on my lower lip and lowering my head, I know that I was being stupid in my head but my heart was screaming.

"Tell me-"

"There's nothing to tell, Seth isn't going to take this lightly so this is the moment to prepare myself..."

"Bell, you shouldn't prepare by yourself, standing alone in an empty room is going to bring you nothing but loneliness...I cannot bear to see you in such a debate with your mind...Help me take some of the pain away, you're shaking so"

"Edward, I know that you will always take any pain away, but this time...The pain is good because it will make me feel happier to see Seth angry because that is what I deserve, his mother is the worst one to worry about..."

"His mother has no say in his life, if she does not make concrete decisions now then she never will again, just explain everything...Would you rather me say something to Seth?"

"No thank you, this is something that has to come from my own mouth...He was the only guy who ever made me feel like I should be speaking to the opposite gender. You'd be surprised how many have ignored me for most of my life..."

"They ignored you because they were idiots, the people who do not wish to know how amazing you really are inside and out, my Bell are not worth a jot!"

"I know, I have the best man in my life, now..."

"I have the world's greatest young woman..." Placing a kiss on my neck, I melted against him bringing my body back to lean my head against his; securing myself in the cocoon he created in wrapping his arms around my torso.

"There are going to be many times like these...How can people, others endure moments like this, right here right now and not appreciate what they have?"

"Hmm..Others have not gone through the hardships, growing up too fast...Losing all that you have once held important-"

"I didn't respect or appreciate what I had, I was wrong to go through life like that..."

"No one can prepare for this, Bell not even you...So strong, so beautiful, so loving Bella Swan is unprepared for even this-"

"Edward, I don't regret us...I will never regret what we have, please don't let me make you believe that I am destined for more-"

"You deserve more..." At his doubt, I found the energy to move bringing my whole body around so that his evergreen eyes could shine into my own make me feel like I belonged in the indifference of the world...In Edward's arms and gazing into his eyes, there was nothing more than this...I didn't want anything else life could offer me...I had everything.

"Edward, stop telling me that I deserve more...If anything we both deserve one another, I certainly deserve you and still don't know how you chose me above anyone else..."

"You're not just anyone else, you're my Bella and that's what you're going to stay as-"

"Do you mean it?"

"Yes-"

"No more regrets, no more doubts..."

"I will try..."

Leaning in closer, I touched my lips to his gently and wrapped my trembling arms around his neck "good...Because there is nowhere I'd rather be, than right here..."

"I don't trust Seth, Bella...He may have been nice to you and for that I have to give him credit but, what makes you think that he will not have anything else on his mind?"

"Seth will always have something on his mind; the more I keep telling myself that the less the surprises can occur..."

"Please let me come with you?"

"No baby...I can't, considering what the two of you are to one another...Do you trust me?" I soothed his face in my hands, he was at a battle on whether to lean into my touch or whether to stay strong, wanting to come with me was enough to make me feel like he was going to be here waiting for me when I get back but, I could not risk any fights today. I didn't want the two people I cared about in pain.

"I trust you with my life-" He choked out.

"Then trust me to do this-"

"I don't trust him-"

"I know, and you have every right to because of your experience with him, at least you have known him longer but he showed me kindness and, I don't forget a kindness..."

"Too damn selfless, Bell-"

"No, just plain stupid...It would be the better option to let it all lie and wait for everyone's reaction when we cross the bridge but, the people that I care about more...I feel adamant that they should be told, first-"

"I understand why you'd want Victoria to know..."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I mean she's fancied me for years..." Even though what Edward said was true, I was still taken aback by the reality that he knew Tor's secret, whatever happened to discreetness? Do all men have some idea that us girls are all after them at one point or another, was there really any point in having secrets at all when we are so easy to read? I backed away from him, keeping my hands on his chest but having a small enough distance between us, a part of me wanted to laugh at the reality his ego must have known all along and then the other part wanted to smack him around the head for being right.

"What makes you say that?" I was the worst liar in the world, so coyness was the best direction then and there.

"Oh, come on...This is the guy who was invincible at one point, can you name anyone who did not once have a thing for me?"

"Yes I can Mr Ego..._Me_!"

"Until now-"

"Unlike anyone else, I managed to score...I still don't know why..."

"If I can't be doubtful then neither can you...Besides, I am right about Victoria aren't I?"

"I never said you were!"

"Bell...No matter how much I may love you, you are a bad liar..." Bringing me into his chest once more, he whispered into my ear tickling my neck which caused me to buckle against the seriousness and meld to him, what can I say? His chest was so beautiful and his arms were made to be around me and I am in love.

"Anyway, she is a nice-looking girl, but she isn't for me...I am sure there is someone much better out there-"

"Like Jacob Black?"

"No way like Jacob Black, Jacob is bisexual, that translation being that he cannot make the one important decision about his sexual orientation and therefore is screwed in life..."

"That is your sexual knowledge?"

"No, that's my knowledge of Jacob Black; I am not comparing him to others who are bisexual in a general way..."

"Alright, calm down Gonzalez!" Running my hands through his hair he smiled and sighed afterwards, a sigh from Edward was never a good sign; usually it was an indication that he was spending too much time in a small moment inside of his head – the identical habit that I usually fell in to.

"Well, I better get going..."

"Bell, just promise me that if he upsets you...Or you feel scared in any way that you run out of there, at least take my phone-"

"Edward, I am going to be fine...Forget the phone, please baby I have to do this!"

"Then, I'll be waiting for you when you get back"

~~**~Edward~**~~

After a few moments of watching Bella go, I was alone in our guest room, riddled with anger, sadness and fear all rolled into one, my mind felt like a crowded catalyst and my sensible side was attempting to break free with no success to my other emotions in its way. I didn't know what to do, I trusted Bella but at the same time, Clearwater was not always so squeaky clean when it came to the opposite sex...There have been many things said over the years in the boys school that now should have been brushed under the carpet because of the information solely being disclosed and verbalised because of the power of alcohol. Once upon a time I enjoyed drink but I had one thing more powerful than any of the people who had born certain information and opinions to me, I remembered everything.

I am no rose in a showcase bed but I admit that now because Bella was the most precious thing in my life, there was a reason as to why I wanted to do good by her because I loved her and I hated what Clearwater used to be...Maybe I was being too hard on him, perhaps once in a blue moon a young bloke like myself can find some way to turn their personalities around however the years may go by but some memories stay with you and my own memories were still very powerful in my desires to act on them. What good would it do to Bella if I screwed up her plan to make things easier? Bella had far better judgement with others in general but she did not possess a level-head, instead using selflessness and care to help smooth out a bump in the road, my deepest fear was that Seth, no matter how nice he may have been to her was going to crush her and he could crush me all he wants as long as he never hurts her. Over my dead body was my Bella ever going to experience so much pain than she had already gone through for a second time around.

Giving up the nagging desire to follow her straight out of the door, I went out of her room the scent of her shampoo still lingering in the air and causing ache to my heart and went downstairs to the comforting sounds of my mother humming to herself in the kitchen, making small noises as she moved around. Hesitantly, I approached the door once I got downstairs and leant against the frame wanting to bash my head against it in the process. Mum, like any parent turned to face me, her small smile reeking understanding and love.

"Hello darling..." she greeted me, taking the decision to walk up to me and wrap her arms around me, shielding my soul for a few moments and consuming it in nothing but her unconditional love. "I saw Bella go, is everything alright?" The woman could get paid a lot of money for her quick intuitions, she was never wrong about body language or awkward silences, her experience of life and the cruelty of the world made her a fantastic role model.

"Yeah, there is just something she has to do..."

"Did you two have a fight?" Mum released me and took my hand, leading me to the table and pulling me out a chair with her free hand, clearly this was a venting moment for me to release all my emotions and I was not one to refuse when my mind was so loud the voices may as well be screaming at me around the room.

"No..." I sat down, resting my elbows on the table and digging my hands into my scalp. "We have decided to go public and she is a little scared about what Seth Clearwater thinks..."

"Aah I remember Seth being very close with her...So has she gone to tell him?"

"Yes but, mum it's not that simple. Seth is in love with her, at least that is what he claims to be and...Now, I am scared that he is going to take this badly..."

"Have you spoken to Bell about it?"

"I told her about my feelings, she knows that I am worried but she wants me to trust her and respect her decision to do this on her own..."

"Do you?"

"Of course, I trust Bella more than I ever care to admit but...I don't trust him with anything..."

"Seth seems like a nice lad..."

"He hasn't always been..."

"Well poppet, there's nothing much you can do...I mean, you can go after her and make her think that you cannot trust her or you can sit here and just wait..."

"I hate waiting...I want to shout our relationship from the rooftops...Mum, I don't care what anyone else thinks-"

"Obviously Bella does, and she has every right to, look at what the poor soul has had to cope with, the one thing you can always do is stick by her..."

"I will always do that..."

"Then, you have to wait...Believe me, Bella is a strong human being she will find some way to cope with this...We just have to have faith in her..."

I hated my mum when she was right, sometimes!

~~**~Bella~**~~

"What do _you _want?"

Seth's mum, Sue's hatred of me was not something I had forgotten, in fact it was the only reason to keep me away from this situation but...I had a duty to be a friend and that was more important than breaking out into a barmy with someone who I wouldn't help get out of a burning building.

"I came here to see Seth..."

"Why, why do you have to show your face back here after so long?"

"There is something that I have to say..."

"Then I will go and get him for you..."

"So you're just going to leave me out on the doorstep, then?"

"Considering how much my son breaks his heart over you, my house is not going to reek of your imprudent inability to open your own eyes..."

"S...Mrs Clearwater, I can understand how much you hate me...Please let me in, this is between me and Seth..."

"My son is still my child, I will not have people like you coming round and making him look more like a fool, Lord knows he has always possessed a heart but there are others who would be more honoured to be the object of his affection any day..."

"Don't you think I know that...I know that you have a duty of protection to your son, Mrs Clearwater but if you don't believe a single word I have ever said then at least believe this..._I _also hurt over my inability to return your son's feelings and I am sorry but I did not ask for them, therefore seeing as he has been nothing but kind to me...I feel it is only right to come and explain to _him_ what is going on..."

"Over my dead body..." Sue seethed through clenched teeth and honestly, the venom spitting out through her words and the expression on her face took me back and caused my body to stumble backwards at the shock of someone in the same area being so angry at me over something that I could not control. Why did I seem like such a bad person?

"Mum...Stop!" I heard Seth's voice but due to Sue's forceful grasp on the door, I was unable to see his face the acknowledgement that we were no longer alone left Sue to buckle and roll her eyes in the air...How strange that a child could have so much control over a parent and that control shifting at such fast rates from one to the other. "Let her in!" he barked...Sue never looked at me straight in the eyes again, slumping her shoulders...All the superior and powerful persona disappearing in a millisecond and pushed the door aside, turning on her heel and storming off.

Seth appeared as the door opened fully and he shot me a small, apologetic smile as I stepped in...Taking the initiative to close the door behind me and secure my feet on the doormat.

"How are you, Bella?" Seth asked me, his hands buried deep in the pocket of his jeans, a sense of awkwardness fell over us both in the room and it was now my priority to speak out, after all there were reasons as to why I was here in the first place and he was waiting for me to get back.

"Fine, how are you?"

"As much as can be expected, what can I do for you?"

"I am sorry that I am here so early but...I wanted to catch you before your football practice because what I have to say is kind of important..."

"It is?"

"Yeah, so...Instead of beating around the bush and trying to find some place more comfortable seeing as my legs are like jelly right now, I am just going to come right out with it...Seth, I am really sorry to have to tell you this but I thought that you should know...Considering how good you have been to me..."

"Bella, calm down and just tell me..." Again he had taken the approach to make this confession as easy for me as possible, but I'd much rather he stay silent and allow me to speak and not give me the niceness that I do not deserve in the slightest.

"Just promise not to be nice to me...Seth, Edward and I...We're together..." I could have said it a little less bluntly but, as I waited for realisation to dawn on his face, I wanted to hit myself or kick myself so badly for ever getting us both into this situation, the truth no matter how much I may have attempted to butter it up with a sweet coating of hypothetical icing...This was going to hurt.

Seth swallowed loudly and opened his mouth to speak "that's great..."

"What?"

"I mean it, as much as I want to hate him for grabbing you...If you love him then that's all that matters..."

"Seth, please tell me what you're thinking, right now I need honesty and I desperately need to know what's going on in your head..."

"Bella, we were never going to be real friends, not after what I said to you about what was going on in my head the first time..."

"That doesn't matter-"

"Yes it does, why did you come round here and tell me, I could have found out like everyone else...That is, if the two of you plan to make this public..."

"We are, but I made a deal with him that I'd tell you, because you mean more to me than anyone else..."

"Really?"

"Of course"

"Then, can you do the best thing and leave me alone...We have gone past normalcy Bella, after everything that has happened between us and my stupidity in bearing my soul out too early and not thinking about what you're thinking has ruined what we had-"

"No Seth, I don't want to lose you as a friend..."

"That's another issue, I cannot just be your friend, Bella...You deserve all the happiness you can get and more but, watching you with him is going to tear me apart..."

"I don't want to do that-"

"Feelings can't be ignored, if you feel strongly for Edward Cullen then, he has to consider himself a lucky son of a bitch to be the one person to have you-"

"Seth, I am sorry..."

"Don't be, besides there is something that I also need to say...Seeing as we are on the confession waves of conversation..."

"What is it?"

"I am emigrating abroad..."


	47. Combined Farewells

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Abroad?"

I gawked at Seth, caught suddenly between the battle of hoping that he was joking just to get back at me rather than telling me that I will end up losing him for real. Life had not gone swimmingly for either of us, but even now when I still doubt the reality that Edward should have fallen in love with me at all I was facing losing my best friend who should be here to help me soothe my mind.

"Yeah, dad is not going to come back...Says he loves it out there and of course, with our story set in stone my mother feels it is only right to take me out there..."

"Wait, I don't understand...You're moving because of me?"

"No of course not Bella, this was going to happen...When I met you in the woods that night I tried desperately to force the chances away from my mind but, before Bella Swan came into the picture this was a fifty percent possibility-"

"What about school?"

"It's a fortunate thing that I have never liked it there because I am not going to lose sleep to see it go..."

"Seth, what about all your plans...The football...What about Nellie?"

"She's going to be coming with us, besides I personally know that Cosmo is in the greatest hands with you and your mother and that is all the assurance I need..."

I opened my mouth to speak, where was the harm in telling Seth the real truth now, that isn't going to make him stay and well what kind of person would I be if I used something really low in terms of reason to have a chance to make him ponder the decision?

"Perhaps I should have told you this sooner, Seth but...I no longer live with my mother..."

"What?"

"I made my mum choose between myself and her newest boyfriend, the total time she had known him was below twenty four hours, the boyfriend was a biker man who aspired to be in a band but he was creepy..."

"Wait, your mother chose the boyfriend over you?"

"Perhaps asking her to choose was wrong but, I would only have ended up being ignored and I'd go through life with so much hardness from anyone not to be ignored or neglected...I suppose that is the one thing I cannot live with..."

"Oh Bella why the hell didn't you say anything, I would have been there for you...Why didn't you tell me?" Seth began to make his way towards me, he could have managed to wrap his arms around me if he wanted to but in return to his decision to attempt to give me a kind gesture I backed away, the only reaction that came naturally. After everything that the two of us have been through, how much that both Seth had meant to me and me to him kindness was not an option for me to endure and bask in. I did not deserve to have his kindness.

"I didn't want to worry you, and I know that you would have been there...You're always there for me and now...Now that foreign countries call...I am going to lose you..."

"Bella, perhaps I should explain, will you come and sit in the living room with me?" I was unable to find some obstacle in my soul to stop me, what I needed then and there was to have a magic filter to take away the emotion that threatened to take over my body violently...Some kind of vent to blow out the sadness from my head and let me think clearly. I was back inside the whirlwind.

Nodding, I kicked off my shoes and followed Seth to the living room, suddenly wracked with a small amount of curiosity at where his mother had got to and whether she had naturally taken out some kind of eavesdropping advice to hear us, hear her son finally tell her 'nemesis' where to stuff it. I know that Seth would never tell me those kinds of things but, to his mother he was a Saint above all the heavens and no one was that perfect not to any normal parent.

Seth slumped down on the sofa resting his arms on his legs, his gaze falling to the floor as he blew out a sigh...I, a little reluctant to sit right beside him managed to perch my body on the furniture not causing him or I to connect in body contact.

"Listen, this move is not a reflection on you and the way that my mum has wrongly behaved towards you is going to create a natural assumption that we are getting away from you...It's not, Bella. This is my chance to start completely new and live in entirely new surroundings; I mean there are many people who would love to have that. I can't stress how much telling you of our plans kills me, believe me when I say that I want to stay with you Bella but, there is someone who deserves your attention now and...He has to consider himself lucky to have you."

"Seth, this isn't about Edward, the two of us...We just happened and that sounds so incredibly stupid as a reason for our being together but, it was electric and it took us both by surprise...When I lost my home with my mother he was there, against all the odds and against what anyone was going to believe. I swear on my life that I never did this to hurt you..."

"I never believed you did. I mean this shit hurts Bella, what hurts is that you couldn't love me back and now I won't see you again for a long time...I don't blame you for something that cannot be controlled..."

"I know Seth, perhaps the result would be far more positive if we were together but Jesus Christ you're moving!"

"I am sorry, Bella..."

"Please don't be sorry, besides it was always in your mind, maybe the reason you chose not to tell me...Rightly so was so that I would not react like this-"

"That and...Oh God what the hell am I supposed to say?"

Seth covered his heads with his hands and releasing the tears after the inability to keep them inside any longer, I leant forward and wrapped my arms around his neck, leaning my head against the smell of his hair. I didn't know what to do, or say whenever he and I were together, all the words and any tangible thought to the whole situation disappears down the drain. I wanted to hold him, keep him hostage with me until everything finished, the world stopped and everything went back to normal. Far too much to hope for when a person faces difficulty.

"I don't know what else to say to you, Bell...I want to say so much!" Seth sobbed holding onto my arms that enticed around him for dear life praying to the high heavens that there was some way that this was a dream, I'd come back and be in Edward's room once more listening to him worry about my coming here, even though because he cared for me choosing to hide the real feelings of his soul.

~~**~Edward~**~~

I felt useless.

Correction, I felt like a complete and utter lemon sitting around looking at job adverts on the computer whilst waiting for Bella to return. I was consumed with different emotions, the determination to find a job in the UK's declining economy...Pretty much looking for a needle in a haystack and also fear that Seth was going to upset or hurt Bella. He may have been nice to her, I don't know what went on but I trusted my girlfriend. Wow, even thinking the word girlfriend is strange, we had only just got together but I feel like I have known her all my life. Bella gave her life to me, trusted the information she gave that it would go nowhere else and I am relieved to know about her.

Yes, I believe that I have turned to the sappy side.

"Edward, are you alright sweetheart?" Mum barely came into my room since my behaviour went so badly against her wishes, now that my life was changing and frankly, I had a little ounce more self-pride in my personal space meaning that the room was tidy - I was surprised to have mum come back up to talk to me, the way she used to.

"Yeah, just searching for jobs..."

"Melanie is always looking for help..."

"Sorry mum, I know I can't be fussy in an economy like this but I do not want to do cleaning jobs in a beauty salon. I'd much rather be a waiter or something, there is more dignity involved."

"Dignity, oh come on Edward honey, money is money. Who knows maybe you can grab a chance at training to be a beautician."

"Some males may find hair and beauty a great career like a mechanic or plumber would, but with my grades there must be something in here that grabs me. Haven't you always said to Emmett and me that a job we are drawn to is the one we should go for?"

"Oh my words do come back to bite me...Perhaps you could repeat that to your brother, you're already one step ahead than he is. Have you eaten?"

"No, I don't feel like eating, Bella has gone to see Seth and I will be beating myself up inside my head until she comes back..."

"Edward, sweetie...It's alright to be jealous."

"Trust me, mum. Jealousy doesn't even scratch the surface."

"He did change, but with his dad working abroad, that situation was bound to affect Seth and Sue."

"No more than dad moving away affected us, besides...Bella told me that Seth loves her and being the selfless person she is – breaking him down gently hasn't worked and now, she has gone to speak to him about us."

"It's official?"

I turned around in my computer chair, studying the twinkle of hope in my mother's eyes. I always hated admitting out loud that she was right but, mum had always been a little strange with her inklings and gut feelings...About ninety eight percent of the time she was spot on in her predictions. Then again, if telling her would make her happy...

"Yes, we are a couple mum." I stated smiling a little smugly, I loved saying that Bella and I were together no matter how strange it was there was a nice glimmer of light in the dark tunnel that had been my life for so long. Bella was my guiding light and she was definitely going to be here to stay. There was no way on earth that I would ever leave her. Not now that I had found her.

"Fantastic. Always knew from the beginning!"

"Now you can dance around all afternoon and embarrass Bella about it?"

"Nonsense. I did not do that with Emmett and I won't do that to you."

"Okay, mum."

"So what kinds of jobs are out there, then?"

~~**~Bella~**~~

"I just don't understand, why would you be moving away if not to get away from me?"

"Bella, believe it or not. For once, this decision has nothing to do with you."

"Alright so...Are you going to go for half a year and come back, because I have heard that people can do that you know?"

"No, going and staying there. Never coming back. How much clearer must I make it, Bella?"

"If this is your mum trying to take you away from me..."

"Mum misses dad, as I am sure you have firsthand witnessing of in the Cullen house...When two people are in love even countries cannot keep them apart forever."

"I didn't mean to make your mum angry..."

"Fuck my mother, Bella. You're walking around my house like you are planning to take over the world. There is no hidden motive in this from either myself or my mum, this...Moving is just something that was on the cards and now, it's time."

"There is only half a year or so left of school..."

"I have GCSEs...That's enough and I can always do sixth-form again abroad..."

"Seth!"

"Bella, why don't you just come out and say it. Tell me the truth, tell me what is really going on in that beautiful head of yours because you're starting to get annoying?"

"What do you want me to say? I barely know what to think let alone form sentences in my head. Damn it Seth, why now. Why after everything that has gone tits up between our friendship which, yes, I already know is all my fault do you decide to emigrate?"

"This isn't about my moving...It's about you never being able to see me again, that is what's bothering you."

"No."

Seth got up from the sofa, closing the distance between us and edging closer to me, I was unable to move paralysed to the spot and my feet defeating in me in my head's scream at them to move away from my friend. I didn't like it when Seth got this close because it felt like invasion and of course he felt more for me so anything could happen. "Bella, say it...Out loud. I need to hear you say it."

"Say what?"

"Bella..."

Gulping down the dryness in my throat loudly, I formed the words in my head that I knew he wanted me to say and took a steady breath, his hand edging up to my face and stroking down the length of one side of my curls. "I'm waiting" he whispered our noses inches apart from one another, I was so intimidated backed into a corner even though I was not against anything in the room and there was an opportunity to escape. Seth towered over me, not in a dominating way but these were clearly the words that he wanted to hear.

"I don't want you to go." I said slowly, my voice cracking with emotion.

"What was so hard about that...And why don't you want me to go?"

"I don't want to lose you." With a sigh, Seth released his touch on my hair and walked away from me, leaving the warm feeling in the atmosphere between us just then to turn back to tension and coldness as he sat back down on the sofa. I was still glued to the spot, the sobs now breaking further and further out of my stomach.

"Can you believe that if there was only a small chance that you'd make all my wishes come true and love me back I'd find some way to stay here, if it killed me to try?"

"Don't tell me that, Seth."

"Then, seeing as I am going away very soon...Can you tell me what Edward Cullen has that I don't?"

"No...I don't want to talk about Edward. What he and I have will always be stuck within the walls we live in."

"So why did he know about your mum and not me?"

"He lives next door and I needed to tell someone..."

"Hello. What about me. We have been friends for longer?"

"Seth, please...Don't do this to me, I am not going to tell you anything because there is barely anything to know. Why make you feel worse than you already do. What kind of person would that make me?"

"You owe me that much, Bella."

"I'm sorry but nothing you can say will persuade me to change my mind about this. My life is my business, who I tell is my business and of course like you have already said. You're going away, what does it matter?"

"It breaks my heart!"

At Seth's outburst, my feet stumbled back at the emotion in his voice – as his head fell in his hands I felt like the most evil person on the earth, ready for armed officers to take me away to an empty cell and shoot me repeatedly. Why was this so hard? I wanted to say so much, try to keep him here against his already concrete decision. "Bella, you're with Cullen who I know does not sing my praises because of the mistakes I have made in the past but he is no angel!"

"I know that."

"He'd rather have had someone like Tanya Denali or Rosalie on his arm if Emmett hadn't gotten to her, first. Why does someone who had the gall to walk around the school acting like Mr big shot and my shit don't stink get to have someone like you? The purest and most stunning soul, alive? Tell me where is the justice in that, Bella?"

"I am not pure, I am damaged and...Edward and I we seemed to have been searching for something, not so much each other but it happened. We found one another; life just threw us together...What more do you want?"

"He betted against you!"

"That's in the past."

"Nice to know that that incident has been fully brushed under the carpet..."

"I forgave him; he helped me when there was no one else there, when my mum chose a man over me, when I chose to live away from home. I don't think I ever mentioned that I lived in a pub these past weeks."

"You what?"

"Edward found out where I lived, even though I specifically told him not to and he told me how he felt, I was in a room above all the drunks and old guys who wanted nothing more than to have a nightly screw and who was there for me...Edward."

"What a saviour!"

"If you think so highly of me then you'd take that sarcastic remark back. I know that you would have done the same but; Seth your mum despises me. What would that have looked like? 'Oh sorry mum be back soon, I just have to go and bring Bella back because she has chosen to be homeless'...Be realistic, Seth."

"Me...Realistic? Bella I don't seem to be getting through to you the kind of person that 'saved' you, has he fucked you yet because believe me that is his only motif and the minute boredom crosses his head he'll go right back to Tanya."

"Shut up."

"I'd never do that, but of course that doesn't go very highly on your list. Have you forgiven his brother who also had a part in the bet, actually Emmett was the ringmaster and creator of the whole damn plan...Him and Rosalie."

"I don't care about Emmett."

"So the Cullen boys win and get yet another ounce of pride to their already inflated egos. Well that's just great, I may not be a saint Bella and believe me there was a time when I behaved just like them – Edward has no doubt told you about how he doesn't 'trust' me. I don't need to be a genius to know that he hates my guts and I hate his, especially now he has gotten the one girl that he should never have been allowed to approach."

"So by that comment, you mean that I led him on. Like a siren, is that what you mean?"

"No...He never should have grown the balls to talk to you. Especially since in the beginning he only spoke to you to win some money...Welcome to the feelings and thoughts that have been haunting me since we met, Bella!"

"Seth, please this is not the way I want to say goodbye to you."

"I don't know what to say anymore..."

"There will be someone out there for you..."

"I have _already_ found her...Except she belongs to someone else. My worst enemy and the person that I feared she would end up with. The whole scenario was upsetting in my head, Bella in my fantasies of my worst fears but listening to you come here and play out in reality that you're with Cullen breaks my heart and makes me want to throw up at the same time."

"There's nothing I can do about my feelings, Seth."

"I can't do anything about mine, so I guess I am the one who is pretty much screwed right about now. Having no one to go home to and give a report of this conversation about. It's always the little things like having someone beside you, Bella that hurts the most and brings out even more of the loneliness. I changed my ways because I found something inside of me to hold on to, I had my love of sport and I had a family, at least my mum and sisters here. Treating girls like that comes back to slap you because of the hurt you see in their eyes at the one sound of rejection just because you're not 'up' for it that day. I'm scared that Cullen will have you in the way that he doesn't deserve and then leave you. I'll be away so there will be no one there for you."

"That won't happen."

"I hope to God that it doesn't. For your sake, not his...He doesn't deserve you, Bella and now, neither do I. There was a small chance once upon a time perhaps only solely in my subconscious that we could have been together. Look at us now, bickering and creating awkwardness and saying awful things. The moment I saw you in those woods, Bella...Was the moment I realised that there is a heart inside my body. An opportunity to be the type of person that I have always wanted to be but had always put-off for the sake of reputation."

"Seth..."

"Now, there wasn't any point because we will never be speaking to each other, again. I am sorry for everything that I have done to create worry, fear, paranoia and tension inside you, Bella. I needed you to know how I felt but then again, as fate would have it I only made things fifteen times worse."

"Please..."

"This is our goodbye, we will be leaving next week...Mum has already got me packing, the school knows. You can come and see me off then if you choose to but this will be my only chance to do this properly." Before I could even ask what he meant by that, Seth had gotten off of the sofa and taken my face in his hands and crashed his lips to mine, my hands immediately clutching his arms so as not to take us down to the floor. I wanted to pull away so badly but, there was nothing but sorrow around us now, we were growing apart now in separate countries and so, because Seth wanted it so badly and because he had treated me so well since we met. I kept my mouth still and let him kiss me, not once inviting him to do anymore or to pull him away in anger, what was the point?

Seth was passionate in his kiss, although he had already comprehended that my mouth was not going to open to invite him in for us to really 'kiss' one another, he used the time to use small kisses along my bottom and upper lips as well as winding his hands in my hair breathing every so often as he ran out of air. With a final moan, and admittedly what seemed like forever, he released my mouth bringing his mouth to my forehead and kissing me there before pulling my body hard against his chest, my head falling onto the hardness of his defined muscles underneath. I took my hands away from his arms and wound them around him, needing to have the moment as much as he did without showing so much love on my part.

"Thank you for that, Bella. I promise that won't happen again."

"I know, I am sorry that you're leaving Seth, Please don't forget about me."

"Not now not in a million years from now...You'll always have a special place in my heart, Isabella Swan."

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Emmett?"

I did find it a little odd that my brother was around, today. Seeing as it was the weekend it was hard not to break out of the habit of expecting him to be away for a lot of it. I knocked on his door, having a little more politeness than he did just barging into my room no matter what I may have been doing or whether I actually wanted him at all. When there was no answer, I opened the door shocked to see him sitting on his large bed, the bed not as large in comparison as it once had been to my brother's body frame; his back was to me his head up at the ceiling.

"What, Edward?"

"Mum asked me to ask you whether you wanted anything to eat..."

"No thanks..." Holy crap, now this was weird. Emmett was never the kind of guy to turn down food; especially not my mother's cooking. Panic alarms went around my head, I was suddenly curious as to why he was pushing me away without even telling me verbally to go. The atmosphere around the room and the positioning of his body was enough to tell me to shove off all on their own.

"Was there anything else?"

"What's up bro?" I asked, closing the door not willing to give up defeat in my hidden planning to find out what was going on with him.

"Nothing...Please just leave me alone..."

"Emmett, this is the weekend...You're usually out with Rosalie or the other gang at the pub. Why are you here?"

"Strangely the pub or going out do not seem to sound as appealing as before, Edward."

"Why not?"

"Do you care?"

"That's a bit of a stupid question, Em I may hate your guts sometimes and wish that someone would put me out of my misery but...You're my brother, you're family and if there is something wrong then I would like to help you out."

"Stop sounding like Oprah, Edward. The touchy-feely persona doesn't become you, even though I must say that Bella has worked wonders already..."

"Why are you talking about Bella?"

"She's living here, we have to speak about her at some point..." he stopped talking and adjusted himself on the bed, turning his face to me and putting his giant legs out in front of him. "I want to say sorry for that by the way..."

"For what?"

"Making the bet, putting you into that situation. I have no idea how much hurt I must have caused her and she did not deserve to have that, no one should. Looks like Edward Cullen has become the person he was always supposed to. His older brother still the party animal, with only sport and girls to make him feel happy."

"Now look whose being all touchy-feely, so are you going to tell me what's up, Em?"

"You'll laugh at me."

"Try me..."

"Rosalie broke up with me, seems like she did not love me as much as she once did, if she ever loved me at all. Apparently there is someone else and I am no fool to realise who is the apple of her eye is."

"Oh fuck, Emmett...That's harsh. I'm sorry, mate."

"Nah forget it, I was stupid enough to think that she could ever feel the same way back. Being with her was the only time I ever really felt like I 'loved' someone and, Edward...It felt good."

"I am not going to laugh at you, Em. Did she say anything as to why she didn't want to be with you?"

"Isn't it obvious? Things were said, confessions were made. Rosalie told me that the two of you slept together."

"Emmett, that was before you began to have feelings for her, we were drunk and it was stupid."

"Try telling that to her. I know she wants to try and find a way to have you for herself again..."

"Fat chance that will happen. I am with Bella, now."

"Jesus, really?"

"Yes, sounds like no one in this family is surprised..."

"Did her mum really choose some guy over her own daughter to live in her house?"

"Pretty much..."

"Damn seems like my plan really didn't help her at all. Is she still mad because I would like to have the opportunity to say sorry to her?"

"That would be nice; I suppose that is a decision that you have to make when the time was right. At least I know now what love feels like."

"Feels great, huh?"

"Amazing. Look I know we're guys and men aren't supposed to have conversations like this but, she changed me and the reason I am like this now is because of her...I owe her everything."

"Be careful not to become so blind by your love for her, blindness makes everyone a complete angel when inside they are a spiteful, using bitch to find out information about your younger brother."

"I am sorry about ever being drunk and doing that to her, I was stupid enough to want the attention and well...Having Rosalie as the second lay to a list is not such an advantage."

"I just miss her, Edward..."

"Can you believe that I actually understand that feeling?"

"Not really, look can we just wipe the slate clean and start again...Mum is so much happier now that the two of us are not out gallivanting and breaking the law. The best we can do for her is to be the supportive sons that she raised us to be."

"Sounds like a plan. I have been looking for jobs on the web as well, to try and bring in some extra money..."

"Did you find anything?"

"Nope but I'll keep looking, we can't depend on mum, anymore we are at the age to earn our own keep."

"That's cool, coach may have an after-school job open for me to coach the younger years..."

"May?"

"It's open to discussion as there are a couple of other guys that want to do it, as well but...It's sounds like something I really want to do. Maybe if I like it a lot then I can think about coaching as a career."

"Yeah. Think ahead, buddy. Girls are only worth it when they feel for you the same way in return. Now that I have Bella there is no one else who could ever try and break us up...I won't have it. They'll have to kill me, first."

"So what's mum cooking?"

~~**~Bella~**~~

*(An hour later)*

As the door slammed after me from Seth's mum, I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and headed back to the Cullen's house. Edward was floating around my head so much more than he ever had, kissing Seth the aftermath of his gesture had made realisation consume me. There was only one person who I wanted to be with, to go onto the next step of our relationship with and to touch intimately. I wanted Edward, not Seth and for once I know what I want. Really want.

I turned into the corner of our drive, fortunate that there were no cars to witness my lonely walk to the Cullen's house, even though it is now considered to be my house, I do not pay any contribution although my mind was already harbouring on finding a job far away from my mother's pub. Living next door was enough to feel like I was being watched by her. Esme did not deserve to have to pay for everything, I didn't need a car – if I had a job, and the security in my finances would help towards driving lessons now that I am seventeen. I reached my old house and halted at the front of the garden, overgrown and neglected much like me. I was the only person who was going to carry out the duty of possessing green fingers because gardening had always been a kind of therapy for me along with cooking. Now that I was gone, the house was no doubt the same showing of shambles inside as well as out.

Ignoring the pining for my old house, I walked to the Cullen's going around the side door and finding it open for me to step right in, where Cosmo was barking indicating to everyone in the house and pretty much the whole country that I was home.

"Hey baby..." I greeted him; patting his soft fur and reminding myself to take him out for a walk later on today when it was dark and I couldn't be recognised walking out of here.

"Bella?" My name was being called from the hallway separating the kitchen from the other rooms on the ground floor, it was Esme and soon enough she appeared in the doorway. "Hello sweetheart, is everything alright?"

"Yes thank you."

"I have just this second made some lunch for the men in my life. Would you like something, too?"

"No I am fine, thanks...I just need to finish some school work and then I will come back down..."

"Alright, just call me if there is anything you need..."

"Thank you" I smiled at the kindness of Edward's mother automatically without any thought because of the care radiating off of her, in all fairness the two Cullen boys were so very lucky to have a mother like her. One that truly cares and will be a constant feature in their lives until the day she dies...I used to always believe that every parent was like that. Turns out my mother was one of the rare few who didn't think a child lasted nor needed protection before they were eighteen years old.

Stroking Cosmo one more time, knowing that he was not allowed upstairs and rightly so in case he ruined any carpets or walls in the stunning interior decoration, I made my way up the stairs taking off my shoes and coat first to leave in the correct place by the front door before heading up to the room the Cullen's had given me. The corridor was empty, deserted almost as everyone was down the stairs at this point and I dwelled in the silence liking the time to get my head around how I was going to talk to Edward to calm him down. I may not have been with Edward for long but I already knew that he was on edge about the whole plan to see Seth.

Walking into my room, I changed from my old clothes that were only really worn to lounge around in and made myself look a little more appropriate, changing into my black jeans and band top that admittedly was too big for me, but I liked the extra room so my figure could not be shown through the clinging evidence of the fabric in normal size. I was a slim size but, I did not like any area of my body and was prone to be very self-conscious in lesser amounts of clothes than I had become used to. Picking up my small hairbrush that was packed, I ran it through the knotty mess that couldn't be called hair on my head.

As I was busy getting rid of the knots, looking barely average as a result...I jumped from the sudden vice around my waist, instantly making a mental note to face the door when I had left it open. "Oh God" I breathed turning in the hold to find Edward staring down at me with determination etched across every area of his face.

"Are you all right?" Edward asked, although his voice was so stern that it didn't sound so much like a question, more about a real need inside his soul to know the answer. I loved in that moment he cared enough to ask.

"I'm fine" I replied, throwing the brush from my hand on the bed and coiling my arms around his neck and breathing in the menthol scent.

"Thank God" Edward enveloped his lips around mine, relief pouring from the moans against my lips, tingles of desire consumed me and I responded to the feelings he brought within my body and my heart. "I was so worried" he breathed kissing my forehead, my cheeks, nose and chin in turn.

"Seth won't be bothering you, anymore..."

"What do you mean?" Edward moved to my chin, which made talking suddenly become much harder.

"He's moving aboard..." As soon as I finished the sentence, Edward's mouth stopped kissing me and his head came up confusion across his face.

"What?"

"He and his mum are moving aboard, to be with his dad. He's leaving next week, I'm lucky I went today otherwise I would have never gotten the chance to say goodbye."

"Oh baby...I am sorry, I had gotten it into my head that he was going to hurt you all over again."

"No, I was the one that caused him the most pain...Now, it's all over."

"Are you going back to see him?"

"I don't know yet, I don't want to cause you to worry anymore than you have already-"

"Forget about me, I was so consumed with my own feelings that now I feel like a complete idiot. Of course you should go and see him next week. I don't like him but, he meant a lot to you."

"He always will, somewhere deep down. However I realised something when I was walking home...There is only one person I want to be with and truly love with all my being. That's you."

"I never want to be without you, again Bella. When we tell everyone we will do it, together."

"Promise?"

"I swear...Besides, mum will kill me if I don't bring you down to eat..."

"Hmmm...Can we have another five minutes? Hold me for four?"

With a smile, Edward placed one final kiss on my nose and cocooned me into his arms, I sunk into him snuggling my head into his neck and sighing in the peaceful moment with just the two of us.


	48. Frightening Remorse

**Hello fellow FF pumpkins!**

**I just need to apologise for how long it's been since I have updated this fic. Real life is not doing me any favours, and I am scheduling time to edit my main fan fictions from any mistakes and poor grammar because everyone knows that there are mistakes in my chapters most of the time. This fic will be edited, too!**

**Anyway, a huge sprinkle of gold dust to the readers still holding on to this fic, it will be completed very soon I can't give a chapter estimate at the moment but of course the story will be over the 50 chapters mark.**

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

(The following Monday)

After a worrisome weekend, my head swirling around Seth's departure from the _country_ this week coming and not to mention the fateful week that the judgemental crowds will know about Edward and I, this morning did not serve me well. The disadvantage of being an introvert, in the higher percentage of people who would need therapy at some time in their lives, I desperately needed a distraction to keep me away from the negativity and the 'worst case scenario' situations.

I had spent far too much time in the bathroom, deliberately making a choice to go in after Edward because of the comfort of being alone, of course Edward had attempted to persuade me to have his company and, being so smitten with him it was so difficult to refuse being in close proximity to the security of his arms and the loving feel of his touch. As I gazed at my reflection, running a small amount of ointment onto my finger and brushing it along the sty embedded on my right lower eyelid. A classic indication of lack of sleep, thanks to my head not managing to shut down for at least half an hour so I can gain some shut-eye. Even Edward's arms had not been enough to help me fall into peaceful sleep since my visit to Seth. Frankly there was also the slight twinge of guilt from the kiss that Seth and I had shared away from Edward's eyes. I had been mentally hitting myself for allowing that to happen, what kind of girlfriend was I? This is where my inexperience will mutual and one-sided feeling from any member of the opposite sex came back to bite me on the arse. I had no idea about how to be a girlfriend, there was me thinking that it didn't seem so hard because my heart swelled up so big that no one on the earth could ever be the man I loved. Love is unconditional and is supposed to be aimed at one person, no rightful or sane human being so in love with one person goes around and lets someone else kiss them, knowing full well that they feel more for the person they are kissing and can end up having the stickier end of the stick.

Basically, I felt that I was leading Seth on allowing him to kiss me, especially now since he is saying goodbye to his childhood memories and the life he had. I wanted the moment to be in the spirit of saying goodbye but suddenly as I looked back on the situation, like the way a person does to establish regret and after thought – I wondered whether Seth was going to feel more upset that the moment we shared together cannot be relived.

Wincing at the feel of the cold ointment on the sign of my insomnia, I ran some moisturiser over the dryness of my skin, the British air never once sending me a favour even in the summer and trailed my index finger over the loose, dark skin of the bags underneath my eyes. I looked awful, honestly there was no hope for me to look even 'average' for the big reveal to Edward's posse and fellow trampy encounters. My looking like death warmed up was going to throw the opposite side into an advantage if they originally cannot believe that the Cullen would ever dream about going out with me in the first place. Talk about the goodies handing the baddies ammunition to kill the peaceful humans.

"Bella?"

Edward's velvet voice ran through the wood of the locked door, I was sitting down with my back against the shower doors, letting the freezing temperature of the tiles underneath my body numb gradually more and more, taking the pain away slowly but enough to prevent the temptation to throw something against the mirror when I wasn't in my own house to cause damage. "Open up, sweetie. Is something wrong, we are going to be late for school?"

I didn't have the energy to answer, the idea of school made me want to hurl my guts out into the toilet across the bathroom, the silent tears fell down my face both from the constant pain that the sty gave me by just blinking, an action that I did not have the luxury to take away and the emotion that insomnia had given me. Why did Seth have to leave and create more change? Why does everything in my personal life have to change when my sorry existence at school remained the same?

"Bella please let me in. Mum will be up here in a moment to check on us and, I need to know you're okay, first. Bell, please?"

The pleas washed away all the anger to keep him away, no matter how much I wanted to keep Edward away from me physically that was never possible, the man owned too much of my heart and soul for me to deny him, anything. Besides I was the one who had done the wrong so why should he have to be punished for my own wrongdoings and stupidity? Hoisting my weight forward onto my knees, I crawled along the tiled floor not meaning to be loud and reached up to slide the lock away from the frame and crawled back enjoying the warmth of the floor where I had just exited from.

"Come in." I said in nothing but a whisper, but knowing Edward could hear me, there wasn't any need to make myself known in front of him when he walked in. Moments later, just as predicted the bathroom door opened and a long sigh filled the room from where my boyfriend, was. The man I loved clearly wasn't expecting me to still be in nothing but my towel so late in the morning, especially as at this time of day we would be sitting in his car staring at passersby in the school car park, not having to panic because I could not find any motivation to stand up and get myself ready and avoid a lecture on time-keeping.

"Bell, what is it, has something happened?" I saw Edward kneel down and put his weight on his knees and even though my eyes were not staring directly at him I did manage to notice the wince his body made from the chill of the floor.

"Sorry, Edward...I'll be alright in a minute," _that's it, Bella. Reassurance, you have always been good at that, and to top it off you're an awful liar!_

"Don't lie to me, Bell. Please, if there is something that I can possibly do to help you then tell me, before I go insane." _Bingo, of course he wasn't going to buy it you idiot!_

"I am just scared...About today, I mean looking at myself in the mirror has just proven to me and to my worst scenarios that no one can ever believe we are together."

"God your eye looks so sore, baby." Edward gushed touching his thumb to the bag underneath my eye to bring the lid down gently, the wince automatic from my body. "How can you sit there and tell me that you don't look good, actually seeing you in _this _predicament makes my self-control very difficult to control."

"I mean, I don't care what Rosalie and Tanya do, but when everyone else – as in individuals who have never said one word to me or you judge. They are the people who have no right whatsoever to determine where my life goes."

"Bell, this was your idea and I'm not scared,"

"I know you're not, perhaps because my emotions are so up in the air right now results in my making no sense whatsoever. This was my idea to tell everyone but, Edward come on this whole scene is going to go down in history and the comments from everyone's mouths are all I worry about. What people might say could hurt you,"

"Why would I give a shit about others, Bella? Yes they can say what they want but they will never be able to hurt _you_ because I won't _let_ them."

"Are you going to wrap me in bubble wrap?"

"Believe me; I have other ideas that do not _once_ link to bubble wrap. Please, Bell can you just do me a small favour and get dressed because...There are no words to describe how my fingers itch to yank that towel off of you right now."

I smiled, unable to take away the small dose of confidence his comment gave me, it helped my self-image and analysis of my worth as a person to know that Edward is as turned on and aroused by me as I was of him. With a reluctant nod, my eyes finally reaching his, he then grasped my shoulders and assisted me to standing, letting my weight fall onto him for comfort, as I began to brush down the towel Edward startled the crap out of me as he hoisted me up into his arms, the action which only caused giggles to violently crash out of my system also made Edward laugh back in return. The smallest gesture from him could make me forget all the problems that had consumed me in sadness and panic, being in his arms felt so right that in his warmth I blamed my stupidity to worrying about letting others know that we were beside one another and will be for longer than a couple of weeks, or whatever time period people bet against us at some point. I was really worried about Victoria, because she was my only real friend and her crush on my boyfriend had been so powerful that any natural reaction on her side was aimed to hate me for doing this intentionally to hurt her because of my previous knowledge of those feelings. I hated the 'idea' of making others hate me, others may hate me without my knowing about it and in return I'd never acknowledge that emotion, but Tor was different – she had spoken to me, made the decision to speak to the 'new girl' who many avoided to stay in their cliques. The _choice _indicating curiosity.

Above all those reasons, she was a nice person who was clouded by bad luck because of the wrong judgement and stereotype hanging over her shoulders. The cliques who get nowhere in their lives and never will deem her as a 'geek' who can only live out her existence with her head and eyes glued to a book or a school study textbook and that isn't all she was. Tor was capable of great things; with such an outstanding and perfect academic record any institution was going to be so lucky to have her on their courses for further degree study. Academics was not all she was born to be about and the last thing I needed was to break her heart and any hopes she may have had in her crush-state and show her that she must indeed move on. As a friend, she meant far too much to destroy.

Edward placed me down on my feet and his arms instinctly, wrapped around me never breaking our contact from the moment he had lifted me from the bathroom floor, the scent of his hair gel embraced my nose and his lips ghosted along the shell and lobe of my ear, his breath bringing sensuous pleasure to the very depths of my core.

"Now, my love what are you going to be wearing today?" he whispered, I forced back the giggle that the vibrations of his breath gave me against the sensitive skin of my ear and licked the dryness of my lips. I was drunk by the desire to bring my hips to his and grind on him in the pure want to feel his arousal and to gain much needed contact with the most sensitive areas of our bodies, to watch his hands as they undid the towel covering my body and his beautiful eyes smouldering me tortuously slowly into love and the deepest intimacy and respect.

"Edward, Bella. You're going to be late for school, darlings!" Esme called from downstairs, breaking the connection between us in the room immediately, Edward must have sensed that his mother would be coming up to see how we were getting on and seeing my flushed skin in nothing but a towel, our chests moulding together was not the image a mother intends to see. Besides, this was her house and as a couple living under the roof, not to mention one person in the couple being her son we needed to respect the hospitality she gives us, especially me who owed Esme Cullen so much more.

"We're nearly ready, five more minutes mum!" Edward called back just as politely, the moment was gone as the agitation as evident in those eyes that drowned me and I didn't want to laugh but the moment was funny. Esme can be the best blocker for intimacy as much as any other person but she was so lovely and so much like an earth mother that I could not hold anger or dislike in my heart for her timing. If I had my wish, I'd be sacrificing my school day to stay at home with Edward in bed and what good was that going to do to any hope I have in furthering my education?

"Sorry Bell,"

"Don't be, your mum did me a favour, turns out that being in love with you makes me unable to resist you, especially since you are far too clothed compared to me. I believe there was the idea to seduce and entice me Mr Cullen."

"Oh Miss Swan if anything that role is reversed, all you have to do is look at me and there is no going back. My girlfriend is utterly irresistible, beautiful and sexy and that is why the whole school needs to know who is mine."

"I am yours?"

"Always. It seems like the angels up there led me to you and turned my head to notice the shy, introverted but utterly amazing girl who lived next door to me. My life is meant to be by your side, no matter where we end up being or how old we become – this isn't just a conquest with a hello and goodbye, Bell. This is for real. You have to know that all of this was for you, my heart beats only for you."

"Oh Edward, sometimes you have to forget my worries and when I say that I am fine, just trust me because those words entice my belief in where we are right now and my thoughts always seem to banish any hope and your automatic response to feel the need to persuade my negativity wrong with those words reeking of honesty,"

"Bell stop babbling, everything is going to be okay. We just need to stick together, just like we are now, here in this moment. Nothing is going to change this and no one is going to break this." As Edward cupped my cheek, I ached so much to kiss him to share a few more milliseconds as he brought me back to those feelings I had wanted to share with him what seemed like so long ago. Back to when I had a family, back to when I was oblivious to how his feelings have grown for me in return and before I could appreciate what real love is like...

"Now get some clothes on and I will meet you in the car." Sealing our conversation with a tender but passionate kiss, Edward left me alone in the privacy of the room. Not wasting any more time, I rushed to the wardrobe and took out the clothes that I had planned for the day, perhaps my face can look like crap but my body can be covered in something decent.

Just breathe Bella, remember to breathe.

~~**~Edward~**~~

Something had been bothering Bell. Something that had been keeping her up most of the night and her sudden suffering from insomnia had only just happened as she came back from her goodbye with Seth. I had never realised how much he meant to her and felt like such a fool blasting his name and the reality that he was never going to be a guy that I trusted. Of course Bella was going to be worried about conversing with him, I didn't have to be breathing down her neck literally but I was pretty much prohibiting her against what she may have wanted.

What kind of a person was I?

Watching her as she sat on the bathroom floor was enough to cause my heart to tear into two, her eye was sore, the rings under her eyes were a deep shade of blue and black and she did not look anything comical in the slightest which is what others in the school were going to target and ridicule. I assumed that the sole reason her sleep and peace of mind had been disturbed was because of the choice we had made as a couple to let everyone in school know about our relationship, in other words become public.

It was no discovery or surprise that the girls who had become associated with my 'old' crowd were going to basically throw glares at Bella when they may as well be physically killing her but, I could never hit women and as much as those girls will never be women with real hearts and feelings I could not throw any violence against them. Instead, taking my attention away from the girls who do not deserve it, my focus was on Bella and only her. I was going to protect her from any other remark or comment that passed judgemental lips, their judgement is not needed in a peaceful society but especially not out of spite to have my eyes bleached with their assumptions and false conversation. They will want to open my eyes but honestly right now, my eyes could not be more open to the contentment I felt in how my life had become to get to this point.

Now, I was on a much better ground with my mother, there was a real growing respect coming back and of course I did need her still like a mother to a daughter and a father to a son, and my father was not present in my life as much as I wanted but that didn't stop the sudden need to speak about issues with my mother and aim to gain her advice and thoughts on any given circumstance.

Leaving Bella alone, I walked down the stairs remembering to take out the can of 'de-icer' from the bottom of the stairs, as it was Autumn in our planet right now, that meant that the Autumn weather came in September and the arctic winter in January, the Autumn month which could still remain mild was now proving to be the coldest in history.

"Edward, did you want anything to eat before I leave, sweetie?" Mum called from the kitchen. Cosmo had already come out from his food bowl to greet me as I slipped on my shoes.

"No thank you. Mum. You get off to work, I am going to de-ice the car, I will do yours and Emmett's whilst I am out there."

"Oh sweetheart, thank you – you can be such a star sometimes. Emmett has already made his way to school."

"Really?"

"Yes, something about meeting up with the lads on the football field and speaking with coach. That is pretty much all I caught,"

"I see, well Bella will be down in a minute so, can you please let her know that I have put her bag in the car?"

"Of course."

~~**~Bella~**~~

I hugged Cosmo close to me, not caring about the fact that his fur could embed on the fabric of my clothes. For right now, I needed to show love to someone who couldn't say anything back and my gorgeous pet had given me so much love and was so happy in our new predicament that in a strange way, that happiness and safety radiated from his skin onto mine as he snuggled close to me.

"How are you Bella, did that ointment work?" Esme asked as she emerged from the kitchen holding out a cup of lukewarm tea which she had made a habit of doing. Having the drink too hot will take me too long to drink and seeing as I, running late and causing everyone else to leave outside their original plans didn't have time to worry about emptying a cup.

"Yes, thank you,"

"Are you sure there is nothing you want to talk about? Edward, being a guy may not understand what worries exist in a woman's heart sometimes. I don't mind dropping you off at school on the way to work."

"Esme you have done so much for me, already. So much more than my real mum and as much as that offer does sound lovely. Perhaps we can talk about it another time,"

"Any time of the day I am here, Bella. I know and am fully aware that there is already a mother on the planet for you, so I do not want to push the information out of you but the offer is there. All I want to be is a friend."

"You are a friend and I know that I can put my trust in you. This is going to be a big day, that's all."

"I understand, well I wish you the best of luck with this 'situation' and I will be waiting for you when you both get home this afternoon."

"Thank you, see you later Esme."

"Bye darling."

As I stepped out into the morning air, wrapping my coat in my hand around my shoulders, Edward walked towards me the engine of his car humming gently in the distance.

"So are you ready to do this?"

"Yes, Edward. Can you just promise me one thing?"

"Anything my love,"

"Promise that you won't leave me, at least not today."

"Oh Bell I am not going anywhere – I will never go anywhere, sometimes you can never understand the extent of my feelings for you and it kills me that no matter how many times I repeat myself my words still don't manage to get through."

"That's what happens when you are with an inexperienced person; I don't know what to do or what to say sometimes because with my track record in lady luck so far is throwing me down. I am sorry for being such an idiot, Edward."

"Never say that, Bell. Now all we have to do is get through today, once we can do that everything is going to be alright. The next topic of gossip will be up for discussion by tomorrow."

Edward entwined my hand in his, the thickness of his gloves blanketing the coldness of my own bare hand, he walked to the car with me in close pursuit, Esme had already told me that he had taken my bag but without it, knowing where it was I still felt naked without it. This was going to be a day full of little worries blowing up into big worries.

As we climbed into the car, I closed the door and Edward leaned over the seat, avoiding the gear stick in the most unfortunate place to come into contact with it and melded our lips together, the privacy of the car allowed me to respond, winding my hands in his air my body moving to the side allowing more room to roam. I moaned against him, enjoying his suction of my lower lip his teeth coming into play as he bit down bringing the blood to the surface and the waves of want to my lower body.

"Is there anything I can do?" he whispered, voice husky and breaths deep.

"Yes, just promise me to kiss me like that when we get home tonight."

"Oh baby, that's a done deal."

As we pulled up in the school car park, I unfastened my seat belt not planning on staying in the car for longer than necessary, Edward's kiss from outside the house had already turned me into a dizzy mess and as the engine stopped, I took my bag from by my feet and stepped out not waiting for Edward to say anything. Instead of showing the school publically straight away what had changed, I decided in the car in the silence alone with my thoughts that Tor needed me to tell her when we met in our usual place at the lockers.

Tor deserved that much.

I left Edward behind, making a mental note to find him, later and almost ran to my own locker, making sure my eyes were firmly on the floor to take away any attention from people I secretly wanted to hurt. In no time at all, I had managed to get to the lockers breathing a sigh of relief that Tor was there leaning against my locker looking from left to right, looking like she was waiting for me.

As I opened the double doors to the corridor, her eyes rested on mine and she smiled widely, I feared that I was never going to get the chance to see that smile, again but what had to be done had to be done and I, being an adult in the making must deal with the consequences that follow.

"Hey you!" She greeted me, taking her body off of my locker so that I could get inside but, my body stilled not inches from her the noise from the common room opposite us not distracting me from this task.

"Hey Tor. Listen, I have something to tell you and I am worried that you won't like it."

"Okay, Bella what is it? Has something happened?"

"No I mean that is rare because this is _me _and things always happen to embarrass me, but this situation does not make me embarrassed. In fact this new change has made me so happy and worried as hell at the same time."

"What is it, tell me?"

"That's the hard part. This new change involves Edward Cullen,"

"Edward? Really how come?"

"Tor. Edward and I are together."


	49. Splitting Admissions

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

_Double English Literature – E6 Miss Osborn_

_Double Free – Independent Study_

_Double Biology – S7 Mr Mansfield_

"Wait, what do you mean you're 'together'?"

Tor's confusion made me feel like the floor was about to open up and swallow me whole, my body started to shake my knees following the fashionable domino effect on every muscle upward. My throat constricted in dryness from fear, fear that my only real friend was going to break away from me – finding someone else who has not ever once considered the hurt she causes.

"Bella, what do you mean?" My friend was, rightly so getting impatient and agitated at my silence, now that I had begun to tell her I wanted to run away. Like usual, my instinct is to always run away because of the coward that I naturally had come to be and my inability to really face situations head-on.

"We are in love with each other. The two of us have had feelings for one another a lot longer than any of us anticipated and now, we're together...A couple."

Tor froze almost in a daydream her lips hard together in a line, the battle with her thoughts began and at the sight of my friend's inner turmoil, I babbled on needing to keep talking.

"I would not blame you for being angry. After all in confidence the information you disclosed about the feelings you possessed for Edward in the past still stays with me. Knowing about the crush, I decided that before we go public to everyone else and because you're my friend, my only friend really in this place I believe you need to know before everyone else."

"Oh, how nice of you to consider my feelings with that decision, Bella. Tell me; didn't Edward Cullen use you as a bet to win against his friends?"

_What?_

"How did you...How do you know that?"

"People in this school talk, Bella. Not to mention those very people who want to steal away your _boyfriend_ because he is considered too much of a legend to be involved with girls like _us_."

"Yes. Tor I can't deny that he did start talking to me because of a bet, but whilst the bet was going on things changed, he changed."

"Guys like him don't change. Bella, I wanted to think that you were different. Finally gaining the chance to hang around with someone who doesn't think so well of the infamous Mr Cullen like every other girl who walks these corridors. Turns out you're no different...Edward Cullen is handsome and the type of fantasy man that fills our dreams but my feelings were different. I was so in love with him, loving him from afar was so much easier than ever admitting verbally that love that consumed me for what seemed like years and years."

"Tor please don't be mad at me. I couldn't stand it if I were solely the individual who hurt someone like you, someone who cares so much about her friends."

"I am not that person in Rosalie and Tanya's mind. In the Cullen's mind, I am not worth a jot and no matter how grateful I felt towards Edward when you helped me get home after Rosalie's party, I don't want to play happy friends with my friend and her boyfriend who I feel I still love deep down in my heart,"

"Tor, please?"

"Don't beg Bella, it doesn't do anything for your image. See you in class, I guess." As she started to walk away turning her back to me, I couldn't stop my arm from reaching out and taking her.

"Does this mean that we're not friends, anymore?" My voice choked a little on my words.

"I think it's for the best, besides if you and Edward are really happy. I will only turn into Rosalie and Tanya, so full of jealousy and spite for happy people that is the kind of woman who I never want to be become. Especially since I have always been so fond of you as a friend."

Tor released herself from my hand, sending me a small but apologetic smile. In the moment where she disappeared from view once being so happy to see me and greet me for the day ahead and now to being completely saddened and almost broken from the fault of my own hurt me so badly. No one can ever prepare themselves for the outcome of a situation good or bad, because the result depends on the person and how their reaction makes the other feel and then take away from them. I was riddled with anger at myself for not telling my friend, sooner and not really considering how much she may hate me for my actions in falling in love with Edward.

As I opened my locker and gathered my things, the same tears coming back from this morning, I was suddenly locked in an inner battle with my heart and my head. It's true what the theorists say that no one can ever help _who_ they fall in love with, or even help falling in love at all because it's all chemical and a part of attraction to another soul. I loved Edward's change, his belief that if he turned his attitude around he could remain as a friend in my life – that showed me from the word go that there was enough care for our friendship, as quick and false as it was thanks to the bet he and his brother had made there was a gut instinct and a want to have me, no more than Isabella Swan in his life.

However, in my head I wanted to be able not to fall in love with him, but what good would that have done? I had lost a friend and it hurt me.

At the sound of the bell going, I was in the mind-set to face English, knowing that Edward was in this class along with me and the classroom setting the memory of our first real talk together, not so much talk but more of a debate. Walking down to the English classroom alone was a difference that I had to adapt to, at least before today Tor and I, even though we were in different classes we managed to be at each other's side until the last minute.

I needed Edward.

I needed him to hold me and tell me that I was going to forgiven. However, there is something that he in turn needs to know and tonight – I was going to do the right thing and be honest.

~~**~Edward~**~~

Bella could not have gotten out of the car fast enough, I was surprised as anyone would be but at the same time I understood that she needed to do this on her own. Her friend, Victoria who had been more of a friend in her life than me or anyone else did deserve to know outside of public and without everyone's reaction and response on the change clouding her mind. I trusted Bella to tell her friend on her own because that is what she wanted; there were moments when she astounded me making mature decisions even though it was the hardest situations she ever had to intentionally put herself into. I wish I had the same amount of bravery about today, worrying more about the comments from the bitches who had been involved with me, more so than Bella was at this present moment in time, that is why I was then determined to see the end of this day scot-free and for Bella to have the weight taken away from her shoulders. The poor girl was so tired and ridden with exhaustion and in return there was nothing that I could do, I wish so much that I could wrap her in my arms every night but the reason Bella had a room all to herself was because my mother, even though she would never admit it to our faces in fear of upsetting us did not like to have us share the same room. Like Rosalie before she decided to become the ultimate prime bitch and break my brother's heart – there was only a short amount of time she was allowed to stay, otherwise it would have been like having her live with us without paying rent or upkeep and just living off our own supplies. Emmett and I do that enough as we are browsing for jobs without an outsider coming in doing the same as us.

As I walked down to English, my mind wandering with Bella and Bella and what Bella was thinking, basically my girlfriend consuming my head as she had always managed to do. Suddenly a large collision with someone snapped me out of my head as I looked to the side seeing Victoria stand there with swollen red eyes rubbing her arm, honestly for me the pain wasn't evident thanks to the numbness that was already circulating my system.

"Why don't you watch where you're walking!" she exclaimed biting down on her lip, it was the truth that my arms were muscular but seeing as Bella's friend was so thin there was nothing there to blanket the soreness.

"Oh Victoria, I'm sorry I wasn't looking,"

"I gathered as much!"

"Look have you seen Bella this morning?"

"Yes I have, she had much to say about the two of you and your _predicament_, well done for that by the way. How much was she worth?"

"Excuse me?"

"The reason Edward Cullen ever spoke to Bella Swan was because of a bet his brother had 'forced' him into, how much did you win?"

"Tor, I-"

"Don't call me that, only Bella calls me that. We're not talking right now because I thought she was more intelligent than to get involved with someone like you. Wasn't it the Cullen Brothers who also challenged the other school studs as to how many woman they can kiss in one day?"

"That was all in my past,"

"Your _past_? Since when do people like you ever change? I finally realise how much of an idiot I have been in my own past. I swear, Cullen you _best_ look after her because Bella is not another conquest that has to be screwed and then kicked to the kerb like the rest of them in your baggage bin."

"Victoria, I swear that I won't hurt Bella, she is the reason that my crowd do not appeal to me anymore and I have changed enough to realise the great things that can happen in life if my outlook changed as well."

"Yeah, well whatever you say, I do not want to prop Bella back up when you break her heart and next time look ahead it might save you some time talking to people who are never going to happen."

As Victoria stormed away, I was suddenly riddled with the want to know why she admitted that she and Bella were not talking, anymore. Did that mean that the confession didn't go down well? I was a little surprised that Tor, who was usually very shy and almost meek and had a timid aura around her body had shouted at me and sent me looks that could very well have literally killed me. How was Bella feeling? Where was she when she and Tor were very much side by side to take on the idiots in the rest of this building?

Keeping my eyes ahead, I walked the rest of the way to the English classroom, noticing that Osborn had not shown the class in as of yet because of the line forming outside. Bella was right at the back her eyes on the floor and her feet shuffling from side to side, I didn't have to speak to my Bell to know already that she was feeling strain. Discreetly as I could manage, I scooted over to her, taking my place beside her as she lifted her head from the floor and I noticed that her eyes were identical to Tor's, red and swollen from releasing tears.

"Are you okay, baby?" I whispered, her eyes averted away from my face and rested on the wall at the various displays from the younger students in the school. Those walls were really there to be used to lean against instead of showing the pride of the English department. I ached to touch her to show her that I was here, so tentatively always watching our classmates in front of us I brushed my fingers against Bella's in between both of our bodies - I was relieved when she touched her fingers along with mine, feather-like and sweetly before entwining my entire hand in hers bringing the warmth together but her eyes never leaving the wall. I took her choice to stay gazing at the wall that any information she wanted to share with me would have to wait but at the same time, in that moment she kept our hands wrapped together like she didn't mind that we were doing so where others could see. I guess by making her friend upset she had nothing else to lose but I was a little angry at how Tor was mad at Bella somehow for falling for me, as her friend she could be horrible about me all she wanted because my track record proved my past but not to Bella, so something else had to have made her pissed, jealousy perhaps? Who knows?

"So sorry I am late, class please go in." Osborn floated out from nowhere and quickly glancing at mine and Bella's hand, noticing that she was forcing back a smile – Bella had been distracted by the exchange as she straightened herself from the wall and clenched her hand in mine once before releasing our contact, Osborn had already taken up home in her classroom to comment in secret or smile, anymore.

Was it just me or was it weird that a teacher was happy for two young people who show they are together?

Perhaps it's because Bella and I were the best in the class!

~~**~Bella~**~~

I wasn't in much of a mood now that Tor was so upset with me, I wanted to run after her and beg her to be happy for me but of course like any usual person with a crush for a long time this was going to be a very bitter and tough pill to swallow. The whole concept of going public was a hard pill for me and Edward must have caught on already that I was not acting myself.

After English I was ready to go to the library, in desperate need to find Tor and talk to her. I didn't want to lose her as a friend and even though her response was relatable, I did wonder why she wasn't supporting this scary and unpredictable time in my life and in a new relationship. Edward and I loved each other but that didn't mean we may stay together for the long haul, we may go onto different life journeys and then separate and drift apart.

I had a double period free and just like me, with no other pressing work to be getting on with there was the plan to sort out my personal life away from academics. As I opened the double doors to the sixth form corridor, I was surprised at Edward walking towards me in the direction I was coming from, I knew for sure he had lessons but what lesson he was supposed to be in had escaped me.

"Bella, where are you going?"

"To the library, Edward you're supposed to be in class,"

"I passed Tor on the way to English and she seemed very angry and upset, I am guessing that she knows about us,"

"Yes but please Edward, I cannot talk about this right now. Now I have to find her and explain because making her angry is not going to help my already lacking in sleep."

"Talk to me, Bell let me help you," as he closed the distance between us to attempt to bring his hand up to my cheek, I pulled myself away needing to have my mind fully set onto the task at hand. Edward could stop me from doing anything just by a simple touch or a kiss, the man was dangerous.

"No, not now. Meet me in the canteen at lunch, I have a feeling that Tor may not be sitting at my table so that means that I will be on my own."

"Of course, I love you."

"I love you too." Blowing me a kiss, Edward passed me, the smell of his shower gel showering me in a small surge of wind from his escape.

I started to walk further down the corridor again, passing the various classrooms and the noise from the common room getting louder and louder as I edged closer.

"Wow, so you and Edward love each other huh?"

_Oh fuck, not now. Please God not now!_

My legs stopped, the shock seeping through my body and I turned on my heel to see the person whose voice had sent me into panic mode my head blaring from alarm. Tanya was stepping out of an unused classroom, a man with a very messy shirt and his tie undone also in the sixth-form under the boys school stepped out taking one look at me before sprinting down the corridor and out of sight. No need to have a detailed think about what was going down in the unattended classroom as Edward and I were talking supposedly in secret.

"Go away, Tanya."

"Edward Cullen and Bella Swan, that guy must have seriously hit his head to ever imagine going out with you,"

"Well he is and if you think I care about people knowing then rush along and tell your stupid little minions because well let's face it. Edward never loved you, never touched you and I must have something Tanya lacks because he loves _me_."

"Bella, Bella, Bella. This school does not evolve around people like you, who is going to believe that Edward is going out with you when any other woman like me can grab him with just a snap of their fingers,"

"Fine grab him, I don't care. I already know that he won't respond to your _attempts_ at getting pleasure – after all, Edward was not the sole person to pleasure you, wasn't it always one-sided?"

"Rosalie is not going to be happy about this. Just when she dumps that loser, Emmett who really has lost his edge since his brother gained some weird alienated view on life to get to Edward, which honestly she has no chance in succeeding,"

_Wait._

_Since when did Rosalie dump Emmett?_

"Tanya do whatever the fuck you want to make me feel bad. I don't feel bad about what will be said from you or from anyone else. Edward chose me, we chose one another and we love the crap out of one another. Not to mention, we are going to fuck each other endlessly. Our hot, sweaty writhing bodies moving together as one, talking nothing but love and passion under the candlelight and the slight shimmer of the moon. That is something that you spend your time fantasising about but at least I will have the real thing!"

I couldn't take any more crap, at least she knew and there is always the chance that the camera in that classroom is still working so that a person can report a certain girl and guy in there getting it on. Making the mental note to go to Boyle's office at some point to get my own dosage of revenge I ran away from the bitch in desperate need of a slap and went after the friend and person I cared more about, keeping my head down all the way down to the library not wanting to know or ponder about how fast that news is going to travel. There was suddenly no need to walk beside Edward in the canteen to make an entrance. Every person in the school will have added their news to every status or news feed update in modern technology social networking sites in barely two seconds flat. Both cybatronic and verbal judgement placed on _my_ shoulders, because let's face it – I am worse to look at in general than my boyfriend and I already felt a little conscious of how fantastically handsome he is, anyway without others proving the same fact and my worst fears.

Walking into the library, I was fortunate enough to spot Tor standing against the shelves in the classical literature section but she was all too quick to close the book again and place it back when she saw me coming towards her.

"Tor, listen. You can be mad at me all you want but do not be mean to Edward. Yes his behaviour over the past however long has I'll admit been shitty at times but that doesn't mean that he wasn't capable of changing like any other person. We had a story, we wanted to be together even though in the beginning we despised one another and now, we are in separate,"

"Bella, I really don't care about how much in love you are, all I want to know is why didn't you tell me sooner, guessing that my assumption is right of course and you _haven't_ only just managed to cement your relationship this weekend gone,"

"Things weren't as easy as that, these past two weeks have been hell for me, hell in ways that you or basically anyone else who hasn't experienced the same dues cannot understand. I am sorry that you're hurting,"

"Yes, I am hurting because I loved him, too. Long before you came on the scene and I truly believed that my heart had healed and then, the new girl comes into the picture and everything works out. I was so relieved that you spoke to me at all Bella because no one has ever bothered to get to know the real me. Why else do you think I kiss guys at parties, do stupid things knowing that being drunk will help me achieve the temptations I need to experience in order to have some of the things that others get in their laps,"

"Tor those guys are all wrong for you, they only want one thing and then after that everything is forgotten."

"So Edward is a saint is he? Bella don't you understand that there are better guys out there, perhaps when you get to college there will be someone who doesn't want to use you,"

"Okay I came down here to apologise. I am not going stand here and listen to anymore of this, you sound identical to the very girls you 'despise', Tanya was just talking to me about how Edward was off his trolley to ever be seen with someone like me and lo and behold, here is my former best friend doing the same. Why is it so unbelievable that I could ever be in love or have some happiness? I can tell you all about my life in two weeks and sum up all the shit but what's the point in that when I will get pity sympathy? If you can't be happy for me, then you were never really a friend in the first place because I would find it in my heart to be happy for someone and not roll my eyes whenever they came near me or itch to get away. I am going to do you a favour and walk away, first."

I blinked back the tears that could damage my strong resolve to face up to Tor. So many people have looked at me wrongly in my life and then to top it off, whenever a person finds a friend there is never really a true contentment about how much they can be trusted. I walked out the library knowing that the only friend I had in the world was Edward and even then, he may not be that way when he finds out that I allowed Seth to kiss me. Why kill only one bird when I can kill two with one stone in the same day? I was already pushing Edward away and, living in his house when he finds out how much of a bad person I am was never going to be the same and so, there was always the pub to go back to. Back to Bekah and the job she had given me, which frankly was good money when it was available to my aching purse.

The rest of the double period was going to be a quiet one, I suddenly lost any appetite for when the beeps signal for lunch and I didn't want to see Edward, frankly I just wanted and needed to go home.

Someone take me home.

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Edward?"

Sighing at the sound of the infamous Tanya Denali's voice closing my locker, I turned to face her swallowing down the sudden surge of bile and vomit in my stomach ready to escape. "How are you, pookie?"

"What do you want, Tanya?"

"To talk. The word on the street is that Bella Swan is your girlfriend. Tell me, Edward are you really that desperate for female affection because without the rudeness aimed at me, I can always help you out with that?"

"Go and rot in hell, Tanya. What business is it of yours if Bella and I are together, anyway?"

"Come on, there is no need to make this up just to make me jealous. I will suck you again Edward, that is, only because Bella will never be able to give you what you want at the first command. I watched her in our old biology classes and the girl blushed when she placed a Johnny on a banana when learning about sex education. I don't think she is qualified, somehow,"

"I love Bella, I have always loved her and that love means that there are things that I want to do to her that make me ache constantly for her body. You know, Tanya when a man really loves a woman and how every touch sends him into new worlds and aches for more, pleasuring and worshipping every inch of their love's bodies? Oh wait, no you cannot possibly relate to that because you only worship men because it makes you feel special. Believe me Tanya, they only want your mouth and then they move to the next one and because you're so easy they come back,"

"What has gotten into you? Rosalie is going to show Bella who is boss when she finds out about this,"

"Rosalie can join you in the fire as well, what she did to my brother was out of line and she better count her lucky stars that she isn't here to speak crap to me."

"Don't be such a priss, Edward. Since when have you ever stuck up for your brother?"

"Since I realised that he is the only family I have and now, my family mean so much more to me than they ever did. Thanks to Bella I can appreciate the small and the large things in life and I can go on to be the kind of person that I have always wanted to be with Bella by my side loving me and supporting me."

"I can do that."

"Let this go, Tanya. Why don't you and Rosalie just go and fuck yourselves, together at least you can learn about the culture of lesbians. Besides, I do distinctly remember your preferred viewing pleasure of female on female lesbian porn to get you into the mood,"

"Fine but this isn't the last you have seen of me or Rosalie."

~~**~Bella~**~~

I leant against the side of the car, waiting for Edward. Relieved that the day was over, it hadn't gone the way that I hoped it would but that is life and if anyone knows about how much preparation can never help fate then it's me. There were students walking home and getting on the buses who took the time to look over at me, some with friends chatting amongst themselves. The news was out, thanks to motor mouth with a secret sex addiction there was nothing Edward and I could hide, anymore. I have born my soul out to Tor today and knowing that Seth and I shared a moment that was considered cheating because I was with Edward, made me feel even worse now and Edward needed to know.

My heart began to race as Edward ran to me, the whiteness of his shirt getting clingier to his chest as the sprinkle of rain fell on us getting heavier and heavier with each stride he took. The man visualised the slow motion run in Baywatch and honestly, I have seen one episode of that show and Edward could kill all the men on the looks and body scale.

"Hey Bell, why didn't you wait inside? You're soaked."

"Edward, there is something I have to tell you."

"Oh is this about Tor because, the girl isn't worth the time, Bell. Any friend would be happy for you and not hate your decision. So much for support these days,"

"No it's not that,"

"Well, tell me quickly because we are going to catch something terminal if we stand out here any longer?"

I took a deep breath, tearing two hearts in one day made me want to kill myself in the silence. Edward's eyes bored onto mine and if I wasn't so guilty I'd throw myself into his arms and tell him that there was nothing to fear.

"Edward, the day I went to Seth's,"

"Yes?"

"I...Did something terrible. That is, I allowed something terrible to happen,"

"What is it, Bell you can tell me anything we will get through it?"

"Seth, he kissed me Edward and I didn't stop him."

"What?"

_Cue the tears, like they are going to help! You are the one who has screwed up, Bella if anything Edward getting angry is the least you deserve!_ "I promise you that nothing was felt on my side. We were saying goodbye and at the time, it seemed right because it was a final gesture,"

"He kissed you. You knew that he was going to kiss you and didn't pull away?"

"No, he has always loved me more than I; he was only a friend to me,"

"Do all friends kiss you on the lips?"

"No of course not,"

"Why did you let him kiss you, Bell? I was waiting at home for you, worried sick that he was going to do something to you and that he wasn't going to have legs to stand on from my wrath at the end. I was also kicking myself for being so obvious with my opinion about him to your face because he was your friend; I have never felt so guilty in my life."

"Edward, please believe me. I have to tell you because I am in love with you and relationships should be built on trust and honesty,"

"Bella you don't trust me enough because you let Seth kiss you. Honesty? Bella why didn't you tell me when you got back?"

"I didn't think, I wasn't even thinking. I was so mad at his mother for making me feel like crap and so mad at him for taking the decision to move away because of the loss endured from losing my own mother that, just having your arms around me was enough. My being close to you made everything alright, again."

"It's not though, is it? I behaved so wrongly to you and if this is your revenge at getting back at me and evening the score then well done, Bell."

Edward, soaked to the skin strode around the car and opened the passenger side door, gesturing for me to climb in. At the sharpness of his action, I backed away instantly shaking my head. "I'll walk,"

"Bella I am not leaving you out here in the rain,"

"I want to walk, go home. I need some time to think about what to do, next."

"So you can go to Seth's?"

"No that's the last place I want to be."

"Take this," he threw a coat at me catching me by surprise and slammed the passenger door shut walking around to his side and climbing in, I scooted my feet to the pavement letting his car drive and disappear out of the car park entirely.

I put on the coat and then, in the safety and emptiness of the school car park I sobbed, releasing all the feelings that had come from this day, alone. I cried mostly for my own foolishness in destroying the best thing that has or ever will happen to me in my dull and uninteresting life.

_Edward, please forgive me. _

_I don't blame you for driving away, it was my own choice._

_Forgive me my one and only love._

_I can't live without you._


	50. Flattened Ground

**It's my birthday tomorrow and can you please be dolls and tell me your feedback, my beautiful readers?**

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

_What the hell am I doing?_

_I can't just leave her out in the rain by herself, bearing in mind she is not the person I am most angry at right now!_

Slamming down hard on the brakes, not even getting half-way back to my house, with the protests from the sound of blaring horns from behind me, I ignored others and reversed on the main road determined to kill what had just happened.

When Bella had told me about her and Seth, I wanted so much beyond words to sprint to the Clearwater's and beat him within an inch of his own life and cause him so much pain. I was not mad at Bella; I was angry at Seth and my bad emotion circled around the bastard and his own choice to take advantage of Bella when he already knows that she is sensitive and is too caring to ever say no. The 'goodbye' rouse sent my head into steam and my fists clench against the steering wheel. However, because of the anger I felt towards Seth that did, in no way excuse my own behaviour to Bella and of course there was a small part of me that wanted to get away from her if only to clear my head. I had acted like she had done so much worse and in return, I was the person who had behaved so badly to her and done things out of my own choice which were far worse.

What is a kiss?

What is a kiss to Bella, when she begged to say that there was no feeling from her side? In her not having any feelings that made my actions to run after her important because, being out in the rain was going to damage her in more ways than one.

I was minutes from the school car park where I had just come from when I glimpsed Bella's distant frame walking into the woods using the signed route of the public footpath, the car was too far away and the main road did not offer any spaces or land-bys to stop into and park. Taking a rash and sudden decision, needing to get my amazing girlfriend out of the rain and back into my arms, again I stopped the car turning on my lights to show that I had supposedly 'broken down' and locked the doors as I entered the spray of the rain.

Sports had never been a good subject in my life, I preferred to work out in Gyms where the majority of the building is simulated and there are machines. Running field tracks is not a strong point but seeing as I was running to fetch my Bell rather than a baton from my 'partner' this disadvantage had to be put aside in my head.

I could not have acted more stupidly or more impulsively, just handing Bell a coat because she insisted to walk I mean who in their right minds does that to the girl they love? Not to mention turn on the mood and piss them off. Bella must already be consumed with enough guilt and then I come along and in response make her cry more. The poor girl had tried to sleep but how could she manage with so much on her mind, was she that scared about my reaction? If that was so, now I could see why.

Walking into the dark blanket of the woods, hearing the various scurrying of small animals, the wind in the leaves on the wet ground and the spray of the rain on the trees there was only one goal to achieve. Find Bella.

These woods had been a common occurrence in the family walks of my childhood, however in the afternoon after school when no other people could be found in a short distance and frankly, in the dark I was a little afraid and wondering how the hell Bella was managing to tread through this horror-scene.

"Bella!" I shouted stopping my walk, the woods seemed to be endless and the ground beneath my feet was getting wetter and wetter, the mud swallowing each foot deeper and deeper into the sludge. Now it made sense that no one was out here at this time. "Bella!" I shouted again, not finding the clarity of my voice that was necessary for her to hear me, the emotion was clouding my tone because of my fear for her and not knowing exactly where she was.

How could I have done this, now she was out here all alone not minutes ago far from me in distance as she, oblivious to my car entered this god awful area and now considering how large the perimeter of these local woods, she could be anywhere. Edward Cullen was more of a bastard than anyone; she forgave my own troubles in the past and my everyday arsehole attitude that managed to give criminals in prison for murder an angelic image.

Bella, where are you my love?

~~**~Bella~**~~

I was soaked to the skin, taking the quicker route through the woodlands back to the house seemed like the better option and even in the dark I managed to get through the right path to get out of the shadows. Once I was out resulting in running through the woods because of how much being in the dark did frighten me and a little out of breath and a flushed face with the rest of my body cold as ice I felt it was time to breathe a sigh of relief.

Edward had done the right thing, I was prepared to his response and he had every right to be angry seeing as the change in his attitude helped us find one another and my kissing other guys is not making me a better person. I deserve this, I deserve this for mu stupidity and the soaking of my clothes will never compare to how much seeing Edward go had hurt me. I swear to the high heavens that my heart was breaking slightly from the tears against the falling rain.

Crossing over to the road in which mine and Edward's story started sent more tears down the heat from my cheeks, my heart pounding heavily inside my chest. This is where we had both began, not to a simpler time because that time was never going to be mine again. My mother was in her own world, disowning me and forgetting my existence and now only Esme could steer me in the right direction. After all, I was an adult and legally unable to have a guardian or someone to make my decisions for me so technically I did not need to have Esme but she was so much like a true mother than whenever she walked into a room everyone turned calm because they all knew she was there.

The woman was so quiet at times and content with being on her own with her sons that I sometimes pondered on what she thought about, or what her mind consisted of. Esme seemed like she was a deep thinker, maybe a secret lover of English much like me and the fantasy world of her imagination sought her comfort. We can all have fantasies which can be as ridiculous as we want but at the end of the day, they are ours and no one no matter whether they're shared or not can take them away from you.

Walking through the street we lived on was not such a hardship, not as much as now because there were people who gave me purpose in life. I had pondered over the hardships and drowned my soul into the waves of pain that the ground, the air and the houses all gave me. The street was almost like a panic alarm, threatening to go off with the simplest sudden movement – anything could turn me into the crumbling mess and not having Edward come here and save me, wrap his arms around me and protect me was like losing half of my physical body and three quarters of my soul.

I approached the Cullen house, ignoring my own almost as if the building didn't even exist, to my mind it may as well be a flat area of land but not seeing Edward's car in the usual place on the driveway caused concern. Where was he? I saw how fast he drove and surely he would have managed to get back here much faster than I? Emmett's jeep is there, seeing the older brother's car was not unusual anymore as being told that Rosalie had dumped him, no doubt through unnecessary or an unjustified reason that she convinced herself was true and now, Emmett becoming a recluse would not surprise me – as becoming inverted and closed-up was my natural response to sadness and loss. I barely got to the front door when Esme came running out, her bouncy, shiny and luscious coloured curls matching her rhythm step by step.

"Hi Bella, sorry I saw you walk up. Where's Edward, doesn't he usually give you a lift back here?"

"Yes, Esme we had a little fight and, yes a part of me was wondering why he isn't here but I imagine he is out to burn off some steam,"

"Really that doesn't sound like him, at least not the person he is now. The way that you have beautifully given him back to me is what I will be grateful to you for, Bella. Emmett is not speaking, I am going insane?"

"Esme, believe me he will be back. In the meantime do you want me to see whether I can speak with Emmett?"

"He refuses to speak to me, believe this Bella if you can manage to get a word out of my eldest son then consider my hat rose to you, I am going to go back to the school and see whether Edward stayed behind, the school is on my route, anyway."

"Alright, I will borrow Emmett's phone to ring you if Edward comes back,"

"Thank you honey." With a small kiss on the cheek and a nice whiff of Esme's special branded shampoo and hair product she left me alone climbing into Emmett's jeep and driving away with a loud exit from the engine. Usually, Esme used her own car but as hers was in the garage she must have needed a second.

I wanted to run after the car, the temptation to sprint like a maniac to join her in the search for my boyfriend built further and further, but after all that had happened between the two of us and how much emotion had passed by in a few short minutes of my confessing was enough to last a lifetime. Edward was breaking all because of me and I began to hate myself more and more every second he was away, especially right now because I had no idea about where he was.

I swallowed the dryness in my throat, the constriction almost sending the tears to my eyes and opened the front door pushing down on the handle and stepping inside.

The house smelled like cooking, I couldn't place what was cooking exactly or what Esme had been, that woman was the greatest wife in the world because there was nothing that she couldn't do. Carlisle was a very fortunate man to have such a companion, a companion that he is still very much in love with and passionate about with the feeling entirely mutual. Sometimes, I look at old families and wonder how or what on earth kept the husband and wife together because the new generations are so prone to divorce and un-kept promises involving commitment. Esme and Carlisle made marriage look so beautiful and sacred, even with him away for how many days of the year she still waited supportively for her husband to return.

I hesitantly stopped my foot from flattening on the first stair, I had forgotten about my shoes and quickly taking them off not to ruin the pristine floor, also taking a much-needed and deep breath I climbed the stairs towards Emmett's room, be cautious and mentally preparing myself to have the door slammed back into my face. I had never been to Emmett's room however, Edward's brother's access to and from that room had been a routine to mine and Edward's moments of lust and overpowering self-control. With Edward, I couldn't ever resist him because of the new feelings he brings to my soul whenever he touched me, even though he has touched me enough times intimately every new touch was a learning experience. Emmett walking in on us was as bad as Esme walking in...

Approaching Emmett's door, I brought my shaky hand up to the wood of the frame, I had always seen myself as a good listener, but who was I to ever give advice to Emmett about his life? About Rosalie? About _anything_?

Of course, who was to say that he was ever going to respond or want to hear any of it?

Knocking on the door gently, I brought my hand to my mouth in anticipation; there was no chance in hell that Emmett was going to know that this was me. If anything he was going to shout as Esme or Edward to go away. That is, if that answer is genetic because Edward was known to do the same, block out the entire world whenever he endured a rough patch.

"Mom, please leave me alone. I will come down when I am ready," _there proves that theory._

"Emmett, can I come in, it's me, Bella?" At the silence after the announcement of my name, I wondered whether the older Cullen was letting me have the chance to walk away. Instead, the door opened, revealing Emmett, pale and barely dressed.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" He asked me, the frown deepening the skin on his forehead bringing lines to the surface.

"I came to see whether you're okay, today, I heard about what Rosalie did to you,"

"Everyone knows, however saying that knowing that you care means something. Come in, Bella I have to talk to you, too."

Ignoring and closing my mouth from the burning question in my head, suddenly Emmett wanting to talk to me was a foreign language that I was unable to speak. In that moment, I did not know whether I was concerned or even scared at the reality of going into his room, what would Edward say?

"It's okay, Bella I am not going to pounce on you." Emmett said, his back facing me as he rested back down on the creases of his duvet cover.

Frantically, I stepped in closing the door, blocking out outside influences or people and joining Emmett alone in the bedroom. There really was the sense in the atmosphere that he and I were together and that, verbal conversation is vital to have us both see the end.

"Well, I don't know why Rosalie dumped you. I can guess that she wasn't fair about it,"

"Spot-on. Let's just say that I wasn't the Cullen she was after. Sleeping with my younger must have some advantages over my own _talents_."

"Emmett, I don't understand. Why does Rosalie want to get close to Edward so badly?"

"I don't know, perhaps because of her past and the trust issue she has with men made her latch on to the feelings she experienced during sex with my brother. Women get emotional strings and ties, us Cullen's did not ever once consider that in our aims to get to the top,"

"So now, there is a part of you that realises women do feel more than men, sometimes?"

"Yes for some odd reason, being with Rosalie helped my view on women change, that the girls in our school are growing into women and us, men. What kind of man makes a bet with friends to win someone over?" I automatically flinched at the memory coming back into my mind. Emmett had been the person who made the bet and I, still not knowing the entire ins and outs and originally not wanting to, had the curiosity to ask him questions. What help would that give me? Especially now when Edward and I together had laid the ground flat.

"I want to say I'm sorry for that, Bella. When I made that bet, there was nothing that could have prepared me for how important this girl would become in my brother's life and how he'd change,"

"Emmett please everything about the past is over. That is what the bet is; the past and I want to keep it there,"

"None of them even paid, not up front anyway they all added a donation but, seeing as it fell through no one was worse off financially,"

"Emmett-"

"Bella I just need to be remorseful. I have done wrong, the same way that Rosalie did wrong and so unlike her, to be sane I have to feel,"

"I know you loved her, Emmett,"

"No. I didn't just 'love' her, Rosalie was everything to me. The girl was so bitchy and so powerful in the school building and to all her peers, that whenever I looked at her, the bitch wasn't there staring back at me. I saw Rosalie underneath the face, underneath the pretence and there was never a more beautiful and striking female ever in my life, before."

"There are others,"

"Not for people like me. In my determination to become a legend, I became an arsehole and no female in their right mind is ever going to take the plunge with an arsehole, not to mention my reputation,"

"That's not true. Emmett, Edward changed, he became the person he wanted to be and that's not lying, that's not pretending to be anyone you're not. It's simply breaking down the barriers, breaking down the guards that you put up to people because of your fear for them to see weakness,"

"I want to be like Edward, even from the beginning he would have some balls and say no to opportunities. Now, he has a very pretty girl with a heart and soul and what am I left, with? Just memories, just images and feelings about touching her, being near her and those feelings are never going to go away,"

"There's still time to change that, Emmett."

"Where's Edward?"

"I don't know, we had a fight. Not a big one, but it was all my fault,"

"What was?"

"Do you know Seth Clearwater?"

"Of course, who doesn't? The guy's an idiot."

"Yeah well I was the bigger idiot, for letting a guy so interested to kiss me, when Edward and I became a couple,"

"What?"

"It's a long story. Seth is moving and, he was the first ever guy I spoke to and he was sweet and attentive and being so blind to the idea that men could ever once find me attractive, we became close and suddenly he admits he loves me,"

"No way!"

"Anyway, he and Edward hate one another and, there was always a clash and a sense of betrayal inside me seeing one of them because it felt like we had to be secret. To be honest, I wanted us to be friends,"

"Not a chance in hell. Bella, you don't have to tell me, anymore. Besides, if he is moving away then perhaps that's a good thing,"

"I'll still miss him,"

"Do you feel anything for him?"

"No and I never have done. That is what I wanted to say to Edward, I did but he looked so angry and upset and, everything was said."

"Come on, he has done far worse. Bella if you didn't feel anything then it doesn't matter, we all do stupid things."

"Really?"

"Yeah, do you have any idea where he went?"

"He drove off,"

"Left you to walk home?"

"It was my choice,"

"Don't defend him. That is an arsehole move."

"Besides he will be back, soon. Esme has gone to the school; he may have gone back there,"

"Let's hope he does because his older brother needs to have some words with him."

~~**~Edward~**~~

I had given up walking through the woods, what was the point in searching for something that wasn't there. Literally, I had just managed to get back to my car and waste no time in turning on the heater and the seat warmers when Emmett's jeep came into view of the rear-view mirror. Immediately it became clear that my brother was not driving it as the speed limit was kept correct and my experiences with Emmett's driving made watching the jeep a chance to guess the speed limit he was going. The jeep came to a halt right behind me, the indicating lights on both sides turning on seeing as we were now both on the main road and my mum climbed out of the car and towards me, my head following her to turn to the passenger window.

"Edward Anthony, open this door!" Damn she looked pissed; no one could be more pissed off than me because of my failure at finding my girlfriend. Giving up my head's persuasion to drive away without the confrontation, which is what the old Edward would have done without a second thought, the new one wanted to know whether Bella was safe. I flicked the door open and mum climbed in, her hair moist from the rain still falling from when Bella and I parted.

"Bella is at home, in case you wondered,"

"Mum, is she okay?"

"What is this I hear about a fight, Edward? What has happened, I thought the two of you had finally found a common ground?"

"Please, enough is going around in my head without any given guilt, mum. Bella kissed another guy, a guy who I hate and in my anger at him, I took it out on her. It's all my fault, I know that,"

"Oh Edward, stop doing that. Bella is at home with Emmett, she is talking to him at least she said she was going to about Rosalie,"

"If anyone can talk sense it's Bella. I couldn't help it, mum. I was so angry and there were so many things that I wanted to say but I couldn't,"

"Son, look people make mistakes. Bella loves you, that much is set in stone and I can tell you right now that she is not the kind of young girl to ever cheat on someone she loved, there is a soul in there, a genuine, caring and loving soul,"

"I know, that is one of the many things I love about her,"

"No relationship is perfect. Edward, I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am in how much you have changed. There was always my son in there and for years, fear consumed me at the outcome being that that was how you were going to always be. Now, though, you've come back...You have come back to me,"

"How can you stand it, mum?"

"Stand what, darling?"

"Living as a single parent for over half of each year with Emmett and me? Don't we drive you insane?"

"Of course children can do. However, my life has never been a hardship having you because of how much I love your father,"

"Do you miss him?"

"Every minute of every day, but when a person is so in love with another – waiting for them, making that decision doesn't even feel like a decision. When your father told me that he was working aboard I didn't have to think twice or analyse the right decision. My decision to wait for him was automatic and I miss him, I don't regret it, though."

"I miss Bella, now when we have been apart for no more than an hour,"

"That has to show how strongly you feel?"

"It does. Now, I want to find a job and I want to earn my own money and make this person even better, there is still a strong part of me that wonders how I could manage to get such a beautiful girl like her,"

"First loves are always the most powerful. The two of you can talk all you want about how you don't deserve one another but you both would say the same thing. Lucky. That is what you are and what Bella is."

"Thanks, mum."

"I think we need some ice-cream, I believe that after all these years I am still rusty from the heart-to-hearts with my youngest son. Not to mention that my eldest doesn't even acknowledge my existence,"

"Emmett will come around, what flavour?"

"Chunky monkey!"

~~**~Bella~**~~

After Emmett and I spoke, he made himself busy downstairs as I had taken a shower to get the rain off from my hair and dried my clothes on the radiator in my room. Edward not being here was difficult, especially when I wanted to run out into the cold in nothing but my towel to look for him. That would be placing myself in danger.

"Knock, knock." I turned around my hands grabbing at where my towel joined across my chest and Esme smiled back at me. "Sorry Bella, I didn't realise that you weren't decent."

"That's okay, did you find Edward?"

"Yes, he is downstairs talking with Emmett. I just want to say that, whatever happened and whatever you did, Bella. Nothing matters; please do not blame yourself for doing wrong because my son in return is no angel,"

"Esme-"

"Bella, Edward has a temper, the same temper that I see in my husband's eyes, very rarely but it is there and, he beats himself up when he needn't do so. I want the two of you to have a chance to experience what love is, real love."

"This is real, for the first time in my life I know what it's like to be loved and I promise you that I never went out to hurt Edward, to make him angry...I'm not like that,"

"I know, honey. You have lost enough in your life without Edward taking his anger out on you, I am not here to defend him but, fights can be resolved and people make up, he loves you."

"Coming from you, that means a lot,"

"I wouldn't say it unless I wasn't one hundred percent sure about my son's emotions. Sometimes a mother just knows things. Anyway, enough about me. I will let you get changed."

"Thank you, Esme."

"You're welcome."

Esme calmed me, gave me intuitive to carry on and face the road as it came along, she was far better than my own mother had been and in the guest room, in my towel I finally understood what my life was.

Here I am, despite what had happened, what was given to me and how in turn I have dealt with it – all of the situations were fate. Edward was meant to change for me and I was meant to lose my life to be with him. The angels liked me.

As I turned to the window, I let out a small sigh of relief, I was still going to be mad for a while to let Seth kiss me but, the bottom line was that I was here. Esme had not gotten rid of me and Edward was alright. I didn't have the energy to rush downstairs even though I wanted to; instead I changed into my pyjamas.

"Bella?"

I turned to Edward, after folding my towel on the radiator and without a second thought about what I wanted to do; I closed the distance between us and wrapped my arms around him, encircling him in the warmth from the wetness of his clothes. The heating inside had dried him off, somewhat but not enough, I breathed in his scent, feeling the soft skin of his neck resting against my own and the warmth that enticed us in our personal bubbles.

"I'm sorry, I am so sorry." He whispered his voice sad.

"Please don't be sorry about anything, please Edward, baby can we forget about this?"

"Oh, Bell,"

"I did wrong, and I will make it up to you, with everything in my power but I love you, I love you too much to live without you, baby, please can we start anew?"

"Of course we can. I am no angel, Bella I have done worse."

"Look at me."

Parting us, Edward's eyes gazed into my own and I smiled at the sight of his beautiful face in front of me once more. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

After all that had happened, Edward, saying no more, sealed the issue and flattened the ground with a passionate kiss.


	51. Dissolving Complications

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

A few weeks had gone by since mine and Edward's fight, not to mention my break-up with Victoria. I suppose now that she was never really my friend because her true colours had been well and truly revealed to my naive eyes. Seth had gone; I made the decision after what happened with Edward that seeing my friend again was not a good idea even though Edward would have been supportive as he attempted to make amends for his behaviour. Not seeing Seth go was the right choice to make, watching him leave knowing that I was never going to see him, again was hard and we had a small amount of memories forever remaining in my mind and his kindness at least with me, will never be forgotten either.

The school had caught on about our relationship, even though we had never managed to speak of it out loud and of course it took people a while to adapt to and finish the remarks and their opinions about the sudden unmistakable turn of fate. Why would anyone like Edward go out with me and vice versa? Shows how much people truly know about a person but always adamant that their judgements are right.

I was standing in the kitchen, staring at the 'For Sale' sign outside of my old house from a few days ago, unwilling to admit that the shit stung me like hell – my mother was willing to move away even though she was under law my Guardian and if anything happened to me, her number would be there under the 'emergency contact' and her location – unknown.

I couldn't tell Edward, he hadn't caught on that there was a sign at all because he and his brother do not go out half as much as they used to, before I came into the picture every bit of gossip was burning on their lips to come out loud into the atmosphere and now, they are at home and helping out. Emmett had gotten a job in these few weeks at the local football club helping out coaching small children how to play football – the pay wasn't that much but like most jobs linked more towards voluntary he does it for the passion in his soul for sport. The kids love him, as well.

Edward had gone to some interviews, but never found employers to take him on – he wasn't being too fussy about his search, anything to bring him in his own earnings was a Godsend. I, on the other hand had been contemplating a job since we moved into this area and had gotten the idea to ask Bekah about the job in the pub, seeing as I was already eighteen, I could work the bar rather than clean, either way it was money and Esme needed to have us earn our own money to help her out whenever she needed it and to pay her something towards my staying here. Esme had been so very kind in keeping me, now I was an adult, I was free to pay my way and unlike my mother Esme was not going to be able to say no to the offer.

I felt the tears moments before they fell down my cheeks, I didn't know why I was so sad about my mother moving away, because in a small way she had already left me so why was a second goodbye much harder to grasp? Was she moving away with Phil? What was going to happen to the rest of my things? There were many unanswered questions bruning my head then and there.

"Good morning, honey!" Esme greeted me from behind, my back was facing her so that she could not witness the stupidty at my show of emotion. My mother was still my mother no matter how much of a bitch she had been to me and to Edward but she was honestly going to abandon me completely because her boyfriend had his own dreams that were frankly too much for a lowly, alcoholic biker like he is in nature. "Bella, what is the matter?" Esme's hands rested on my shoulders, like a true mother with intuition she could sense my weirdness, the strangeness was probably reeking in the air like a bad smell. I couldn't turn around even though her touch was so warm and loving to anyone outside her own blood.

Without saying anything, I pointed to the direction of my house liking the reality that speech was not available right now because of how much I might swear. I desired to call my mother every name under the sun but Esme was a true lady and swearing from her own sons was enough for punishment and I in turn should not have different rules because I was not related. Esme was silent for a few seconds before she sighed. The house, the side of it at least was on perfect show thanks to the open blinds of the window and I couldn't begin to fathom how Edward was going to feel. He hated anything or anyone that upset me and my mother was not on his list of favourite people.

"Oh Bella she isn't worth it. No parent, no true-born parent would ever contemplate abandoning their children, whatever their age. I already consider you my own daughter," Edward's mother had also, in a strange way become a new mother for me – but there was something remotely odd about Esme being a parent, Edward being my brother.

"My things, I didn't take anything with me when I moved out. Esme, what am I going to do?"

"Bella, please don't worry, I will go over there at some point and ask for your things. Renee does not have to know that you're here with us,"

"No Esme. This isn't your fight – we have to meet one another once again at some point,"

"No that isn't healthy considering your contemplated anger inside. Besides if Phil is there, that isn't going to help matters anyway. The man is a slob!"

"Please don't tell Edward..."

"Bella-"

"I know he is going to see the sign at some point, but I'd rather him hear it from me."

"Would you like anything to eat?"

"No thank you. Seeing that sign has taken away any appetite I might of had. This is one for the book of memories, or at least some kind of family scrapbook. Here is the entry where your Grandmother abandoned her only daughter,"

"I am so sorry, honey,"

"Don't be. None of this is your fault, thank you for being here."

"I am always going to be here."

Wasting no time at all, not wanting to ponder on Edward's reaction, any longer I left the kitchen letting Esme carry on with the cooking she usually made for us at the weekends – I wasn't going to touch the food but Emmett would gladly finish my own portion with ease and made my way up the stairs.

I had lost all the people that ever held close to me, Victoria, my mother and my old life. The only person who remained in my life, near to a close call not so long ago was Edward and the more shit that gets thrown on top of my head to join the pile, the more the realisation that I had to keep my boyfriend close hammered into my mind. These times needed to be endured in his arms, the arms that made me feel so safe, loved and wanted – more so than I may have ever felt before with my loving mother and father. There is something different about having a man who loves you; it completes the missing piece of your puzzle even though a parent's love is unconditional. Some parents maybe, my father loved me enough but my mother turned out to be a complete waste of time and space.

I entered Edward's room, enjoying the sudden sounds of his breathing. The guy did not see earlier than nine o'clock on the weekend when we didn't have to endure the early-mornings of school. I, on the other hand was always an early bird whether there was school or a pressing matter or just a chill day. Closing the door, I climbed onto his bed relishing in the heat radiating from his half-naked body and rested my head against his shoulder, my eyes staring into the side of his face and the faint sight of his morning stubble which was so much sexier than his usual clean-shaven look. I could look at him for hours. I don't care whether it was considered creepy or on the needy side. This was Edward.

He hadn't stirred when my legs rested against his, my eyes closing from the strain of looking up in the same direction to his face and with nothing but Edward beside me, I fell back to sleep with darkness swallowing me under.

I didn't know how long it had been, but I woke again to Edward's eyes staring at my face, I gasped without controlling myself and he just laughed flashing his crooked smile at my reaction. Why was the idea of staring at your boyfriend while he's sleeping so natural then, when he does it and laughs at how creeped out you are – you want to hit them?

"Hello beautiful," he whispered running his hand along my cheek, my heart gradually coming back down to normal rate.

"Hi,"

"Sorry for scaring you, Bells. I just can't resist watching you sleep, you look so peaceful and solemn and not to mention so beautiful that it hurts,"

"Edward why must you compliment me so early in the morning? Especially since I was watching you sleep earlier before drifting off,"

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"Well you looked so peaceful and solemn and not to mention, so _handsome_ that it hurts!" I answered mocking him and fighting back the laughter.

"I am nothing compared to you," he whispered, not seeming to be offended by my mocking. In that moment I was too concerned with how his face was edging closer to mine and my breath hitched at the feel of him around me, the energy from his body consuming me. His lips pressed into mine, feather-like and tender a moan escaping vibrating against my already-tingling area underneath my skin. As he pulled apart his hand trailed from my cheek to around the back of my head, his fingers smoothing through my mass of curls which in the morning may as well be a forest bush my body edged to his, my chest melding to his as he moved gently to his side. "Can you even contemplate how much you mean to me, Bell? Waking up with you is a ritual I want to endure for a long, long time,"

"Edward there is something that I have to tell you," the man was taking away my self-control again, sometimes I just proved that I could not form a sentence together for the life of me with my boyfriend's lips so dangerously close to my own. I was a fool so much in love.

"What is it, baby?" he whispered, his mouth moving to my right temple and down that side of my cheek, ghosting along my ear and his teeth latching onto the lobe.

"My...I saw...A few days ago...There," _see what I mean, a mess?_

I am sorry, Bell. It seems like I have this power over you," _smug git!_

"Our house has been put up for sale." Edward's tongue stopped it's swirling around my ear and his head came back to full-view my eyes opened, bracing the wrath that my mum was unleashing in the Cullens.

"What?"

"Really, it's no big deal. The sign went up a few days ago and knowing what a great village this is, anyone would be idiots not to buy it. I will have to go and get my things-"

"Stop, Bella. Are you serious?"

"Yes, deadly."

"Your mother can't get away with this!"

"Yes she can and she will. To be honest, seeing the back of her is the best thing for me to move on. Closure as it were,"

"Don't talk shit to me, Bell. I know how much you miss your mother, watching you sleep is enjoyable for me but talking becomes an issue,"

Shit. The rumours were true. I _do _talk in my sleep.

"Sometimes I do, but it isn't often and besides I have-"

"No this is not going to happen, not to you Bella. How can she even be branded as a mother when she has done such a shit job in raising you since your father died? How much shit has to be thrown at my girl before she loses her mind, completely?"

"Edward." I had the suspicion that his conversation did not include me, he seemed to be stuck in a dilemma inside his own mind, the stretch to justification to my mother's action the destination to reach. He had climbed from the bed and stood up, pulling on some trousers from yesterday and putting on a black v-neck shirt which showed his arm muscles so beautifully but he was angry and it was building more and more he continued to talk to himself.

I was surrounded in panic.

"Edward?"

He ignored me, reaching for the door handle, I, on a whim jolted up my weight resting on my knees and then stood on the mattress and lunged towards the door, managing to fall onto the floor my feet landing flat on the carpet and my back against the door. Admittedly it wasn't the best landing imaginable but, Edward frowned at the speed of my movements. "I have to go and get the rest of your things, Bella."

Edward seemed to be in a kind of daze, like sleepwalking his eyes were locked firmly on the door above my head and it was like he hadn't registered the reality that he was not going anywhere until he looked me in the eyes. I had never seen him like this but at any mention of my mother he went on a wobbly, more so than I and he wasn't even related to em by blood.

"Edward, look at me, please?" His eyes reached mine and my hands came up to his face, determination inside of me to bring him out of the anger that was clouding his eyes and his physical movements – I felt him shaking underneath my contact with his face, his knees trembling to hold onto his weight and on closer inspection his jaw locked with his line defining the once smooth appearance of his skin. "Can you hear me?"

With a large swallowing sound, he nodded once. "My mum isn't worth this. Talk to me, don't shut me out. I don't want you going anywhere near that place because I don't want you to get hurt. This is something that is between my mum and I, it was bound to happen sometime and if she wants to go that badly then, I will have to say goodbye,"

"Bell,"

"Ssh. Please, just love me. That's all I ever ask, just to hold me whenever I feel down and be there to whisper reassurance in my ear. Even if chances are everything will still be wrapped in shit, just tell me that everything is going to be alright,"

"I can't see you go through any more, my love. How can someone so beautiful, caring, intelligent and as loving as you go through so much and still manage to be breathing?"

"I have some great people in my life now. I am also very much in love,"

"I love you so much, Bella. I cannot say that too much because I want to always let you know. My mother loves you, Emmett respects you and there is always a family here with us,"

"I know and your family have been incredible. Like Seth, this is something that has to happen and, I am adult enough now to know that I must remain open-minded in order to see this through to the end. My mum will never want to have me back and, accepting the reality that will happen will prevent my breakdown,"

"Don't say things like that!"

"I'm sorry, listen this is a good thing. If you don't trust my mother then at least trust me,"

"I do"

"Then, stop pondering and kiss me."

~~**~Emmett~**~~

Life was slowly getting back on track. At least at the moment, this new job helped me forget about how much shit I had thrown on people and how much of an idiot I had chosen to be. Rosalie's rejection had, in a weird way helped my determination to do something with my life instead of drinking myself to death and ending up living on the streets with my only possession being a moth-eaten blanket.

I was starting another weekend at the club, the kids adapting to my teaching really quickly and honestly, most of the small beans reminded me of how I used to be when it came to sport – little nippers with boundless energy and enjoyment as they flitted around the pitch. As I parked my jeep, something bumped into me from the side and I turned not really focusing my mind on the pain of the impact. My arms were strong and bulky but that did not turn me into the incredible hunk numbing from all pain.

"Oh sorry," The red-head who looked too familiar to walk away from wrapped her arms around her large bag she was balancing against her chest and lowered her head.

"That's alright, sorry I was in the way. You go to our school don't you?"

"Yeah, since when have we had the pleasure of seeing Emmett Cullen here?"

_See what I mean? I was now suddenly better than everyone else, I may as well be fucking royalty!_ "Only just, started last weekend,"

"Never thought I would see that one coming, I'm Victoria, and I guessed that you wouldn't have any recollection of my name seeing as we have never spoken,"

"Wait, weren't you a friend of Bella Swan's?"

"I was, until she decided to have a relationship with your younger brother,"_ what the fuck kind of lame excuse was that? Edward and Bella were perfect for one another._

"So, basically due to jealousy and unnecessary reasoning to join the many people who make Bella feel bad about herself – you decided not to be friends,"

"Don't judge me, this is coming from the guy who cares more about his own behind than anyone else, can never have the ability to care about other people,"

"That shit _really_ hurts darling, that girl has lost all the people who once held a place in her heart and for once immature girls her age should cut her some slack,"

"Since when did you care so much about her? Wasn't it _your_ idea to have the bet?"

"|I am not fucking proud of that, besides my family are taking care of her now so any insult you aim at her will fall on deaf ears. Bella was nothing but a friend to you and this is how she gets repaid?"

"Why does everyone feel sorry for her, poor Bella Swan, poor new girl. Why do all the sympathy votes get turned to her favour?"

"Perhaps because this kind of shit is not what she deserves, so grow a backbone get some common sense and perhaps just maybe you can hold a friend for half a year next time!"

No wonder Bella was so messed up, my actions had set the wheel in motion for everyone else to turn against her. Why do girls feel the need to judge so much and treat each other so badly, fair enough my record isn't clean but girls can be worse to each other than guys. Fuck this, what have I managed to concoct?

What the fuck did that girl do in the club, anyway? There wasn't that many jobs to fill.

~~**~Edward ~**~~

I was angry.

More so than ever before.

How could Bella's mother walk away from her, completely? As if choosing her boyfriend over the young woman she gave birth to wasn't enough for her, now she has to escape the village? I could not manage to keep the anger at bay, even though Bella wanted me to let it all go over my head. My girl wanted some peace but she'd never deny the reality that she was going to miss her mother and that she didn't feel inclined to cry because my arms had always been open for her to vent out her feelings. After Bella and I shared a moment, planning ahead her choice to go and get her things personally from the house of hell, where all her problems and security aspects of life had fallen down entirely leaving her vulnerable and upset – I went downstairs.

My own mother was cooking but the moment I stepped foot into our kitchen, her actions came to a halt as if she was so in tune with me but of course Bella must have had a conversation before coming to see me, I loved my girl too much to not know her little pursuits and discussions.

"Edward, baby. I can imagine how upset you are,"

"Mum...How can someone do that? Is that woman even human?"

"Bella won't appreciate this little discussion, Edward,"

"Bella keeps too many things in secret. I don't want her to be afraid of my reaction because to be honesy, I'd much rather be let in to the loop rather than trying to find out what is wrong."

"I know, darling but this is nothing to do with us,"

"Nothing to do with us, mum, I love Bella. I love her more than I have ever _imagined _loving anyone and I just want her to be happy but she can't be happy knowing that her mother is moving away,"

"Edward,"

"I thought that her losing Seth was bad. Now, her mother is fucking off without so much of a backward glance. There is a place especially in hell for that woman,"

"Edward Anthony, behave and watch your language! If Bella wants to do this on her own then we should respect that decision,"

"Mum-"

"Bella would do the same for you. She may hate the decision, even want so much to argue with your stubbornness to change your mind but she would respect you because she cares. Now, doesn't she deserve to have the same in return?"

"Please stop this."

I flinched and clenched my jaw at the sound of Bella's voice. The girl was a radar and nothing me or my mother were going to say was going to change her decision. It hurt me like hell that I almost lost her and wasn't so supportive as I should have been about her saying goodbye to Seth but this, this was even worse because I did not trust her mother at all, there was more trust for Renee than there was for her bit on the side. What was so incredible about this biker, beer-drinking waste of space? Bella and I were together as boyfriend and girlfriend but she would never chose me over her potential child – of course the idea of Bella being a mother was so damn natural that her own mother is going to fuck up any chances of her future. Bella was never going to be Renee but I feared for her as a parent, I feared for her finishing up the end of the year, if she managed it at all.

"Bella, honey,"

"I don't want my mother's choice to ruin what we all have. I don't want to be the reason that a family as strong as this break up from my own dysfunctional one,"

"Baby-"

"Edward, I love you and Esme I love you like a second mother. Please trust me when I say that, no one is going to have to do this because my mother will not accept anyone else but me. They're my belongings that are the reason to go but this is a chance for me to ask questions to gain closure, ask whether she made the right decision because if she's happy with the life she has chosen then she can go. I will never forgive her, but she has my past for what it's worth."

"I just don't want to see you hurt, anymore my love,"

"I know, Edward and I love that you want to care so much about me. Whether this goes the right way or the wrong way, whatever the outcome I know that there is a family waiting for me,"

"There will be, and I can speak for my elder son as well. He has adapted to your living here far more better than I would have imagined,"

"Thank you."

"I'll be in here if you need me, then." I hadn't ignored the fact that mum had shot a wink at Bella, unbeknown to me what that actually meant and whether it was a girl thing ganging up on the only man in the trio at this moment. Bella took my hand and took me into the living room, closing the door behind her.

"Edward, please stop worrying because if you worry too much then it pretty much rubs off on everyone,"

"Love-"

"Babying me will not help my need to be the mature one in this situation. I can be better than my mother, besides being eighteen I do not have to follow her,"

"I want to do something, though,"

"Edward,"

"No. Bella I want to take you out on a date."

~~**~Bella~**~~

_A date?_

"A date?"

"Yeah, I mean we are not an official couple without having a night to ourselves. What the literature world calls 'courting' and before the Millennium they were named as 'dates',"

_A night...Alone?_

_Does Edward mean what I think he means? Or is that just my desire and honestly, my arousal at just the idea of the two of us making love with one another?_

"Earth calling Bella,"

_I so want to drool and carry on with this fantasy. Snap out of it, Bella! Your boyfriend is going to have to catch your drooling with a bucket!_ "Sorry, I was just-"

"I can imagine what was going through your gorgeous little head, Bell but I do not mean anything but dinner, maybe a walk by the pier at night."

"We don't have a pier here."

"Not here. However, at Brighton there is one,"

"Brighton?"

"Why not? There is a great place for eating out there and who knows, the weather could manage to stay mild for our walk under the stars,"

"We can't go to Brighton. Why don't we go to the shopping outlet?"

"Where all the girls from school hang out and take drugs, and also not be afraid in indulging themselves into lesbianism encounters,"

"Huh?"

"Long story. A person can learn a lot about secret hangouts and hideaways when they hang around with the woman who want so much to be straight and perform acts on men but inside they enjoy pleasuring their friends-"

"Okay this conversation of a date has just entered unwanted territory. I can't have that image in my head when I go and see my mum,"

"This is something you can look forward to. Will you promise me something?"

"Of course, anything."

"If this meeting with your mother goes badly, please promise to talk to me and let me hold you if there are tears? I want so much to help you, my darling girl. Only if help means holding you."

"Edward, your arms are my heaven. I have a feeling in the back of my mind that no one will come out of this any better off but, I promise to tell you everything,"

"Thank you."

"I don't want any grand gestures on this date. I love you for this Edward and not one who tries to impress me with a quintet of singers in bow-ties and accompanying violin players at our dinner table,"

"So this is a date that interests you? Interests you enough to agree to come to?"

"Well if I must. As a girlfriend, this is kind of my call of duty,"

"I love the sound of the word 'girlfriend' on your lips,"

"Edward?"

"Bell?"

"Have you ever thought about...The two of us...Have you ever...Has there been a time when?"

"Spit it out, my love."

"Have you ever imagined us, being...Intimate?"

"Intimate being?"

"Don't tease me, Edward. This is embarrassing enough to ask without the need to verify it even more,"

"Us having sex?"

"Yes, if that choice of words suits your little man brain better!"

"All the time. I don't care that my mother is in the next room probably eavesdropping to this whole conversation. I want to worship every inch of your body and feel you connected within me. The very image makes me want to ravish you right here and take off your clothes,"

"God, Edward." _Why must the blush come out now? He was only being honest!_

_Sometime I feel like such a flaming nun!_

"Bell I love your blush so much. I think the concept of talking dirty is something for a time when we get that little heat problem in control,"

"Shut up, I was being serious!"

"So am I. Deadly serious, I do want to make love to you. There has never been anyone who I have made love to and shared that special connection with, but you're going to be my first Bell."

"I really want the experience, Edward. I want you to have that one thing of mine that is forever special."

"As I told you before, I will cherish it and the fact that you trust me with that special thing makes me feel so much better and makes me love you even more."

"I love you, and yes...I would love to go on a date with you."

"Good."

~~**~Emmett~**~~

At the sound of the half-time whistle, I had found something to do in the form of folding up the sweaty towels from each of the boys – coach had gone to talk to a few of them about something but my mind was so away from the tasks at hand, today that my body was on auto-pilot.

"It would be great if the assistant coach wasn't dreaming of situations that should have been. Perhaps in the form of an anorexic blonde with bright lipstick,"

_Was the bird seriously for real?_

"Why doesn't the nosey jealous girl mind her own business and wash the towels,"

"Ah the old male's tale of a woman who should belong in the kitchen or doing the washing. You're going to last long in a potential relationship, I shouldn't say marriage because that is so far beyond your radar it may as well be in another country,"

"Seriously get off my back. Whatever has gone down between you and Bella is between you and her, frankly I couldn't give a flying shit about what you think or how you perceive this conversation to be."

"Wow, the older Cullen has a heart,"

"I thought you were a person to have a heart as well. You don't hang around with people like me, so there _was_ hope for you but – I guess after your choice to break Bella's heart the brownie points ceased."

"I don't want brownie points,"

"At least admit that this is not who you really are."

"How do you know who I am?"

"I don't have to be a complete and utter arsehole to have some knowledge of the kinder people in the school. The people that all, in some way were judged and criticised against by us idiots,"

"Am I interrupting a little lover's spat?"

Coach came back, I suddenly realised that the whole arguing with a woman wasn't allowed in the world of sports, no player was allowed to bring their personal lives onto the field. Pretty much an area of employment in that way – these were kids but as adults, the rules applied for me and Bella's ex-friend.

"No, coach." I answered, I watched the redhead swallow, a large frown appearing on her forehead before her eyes met the ground and she turned around without another word. I was convinced that the jealousy had taken her under. Bella wouldn't allow herself to intentionally become friends with someone who that girl is right now, she was too sensible.

I suddenly felt the need to finally reveal her true personality into the light.

Just to prove myself right.

~~**~Bella~**~~

After endless reassurances to Esme and leaving Edward alone to find the right job once again. I swallowed my real wants and the temptation to turn around and forget this stupid idea and stepped out of the Cullen house.

Did my mother know where I had been?

Did she even care?

I can answer that question; I wanted to ask her so much more that only she could manage to answer.

I felt sick.

Like my whole body was going to scrunch up and the ground swallow me whole. To be honest I'd much prefer to have that situation, having to face her made me feel like vomiting all over her, anyway – why embarrass myself even more?

As I walked up the garden path, memories came flooding back to my first ever night here, where my lack of sleep annoyed me to the extent of my shooting my anger at the noisy Cullens next door. The first time I ever saw Edward, before all of the crap came about. The shit that somehow gave me the best experience of my life, and introduced me to my guardian angel in disguise. The angel in my life all along even though we had started off disliking one another.

On w him, I bent down and lifted up the only flowerpot by the front door, holding back the laughter at how my foolish mother still left the spare key underneath it. No doubt to let her grease ball in to give her a once or twice over at night when they are not drinking or taking drugs.

Look at me sounding like the parent, someone has to fucking be.

I opened the door gently, letting it fall from its hinge and I crept in, cringing at the sudden scent of alcohol from inside the four walls and closing the door, I noticed that the other side of the door had dent marks in the wood. What was going on in this house?

"Who the fuck is in this house, you told me that I had the only key!" A male voice, Phil's came from up the stairs. How had he managed to hear me come in at all?

"Shut up, I will go down and see who it is. You probably left the door open, again!" There was mum, her voice hadn't changed yet I had the sudden notion that her appearance was going to be foreign to me. Considering on how dirty the house was and how alcohol had seemed to take up much of her life without a daughter to care for.

There was a pair of feet on top of the stairs, I couldn't move my feet and I couldn't run for it before she could even fathom who it was, her face came into view and she stopped dead on the stairs, her hand clutching onto the banister.

"Hello mum."


	52. Confirming Journeys

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

I couldn't get over in the moment of silence and tension-build about how much of a zombie my mother looked like. Almost resembling death on legs as she continued to stare wide-eyed at me. I kept my head high, the itchiness of my fingers wanting to smack her face taking me under slowly. What was the point in being the adult when I resort to violence? This is the one opportunity to show some maturity ad show my mother that if she decides to fuck off and leave me then, I'd be no worse off. I wasn't going to tell her about the Cullens though, even if she knew already.

"Wow, I never thought I'd be seeing you again in a hurry, Bella." She stumbled on her words, stepping down on each stair painfully slowly, what was she so uncomfortable about? I was the one she left for dust? Why was she worse off in this moment having to look at me?

Mum always had a side to her that was incredibly selfish and self-absorbent – I was right, all along.

"I am not here to stay, mum. Clearly this place has turned into some kind of large two-storey rubbish bin. After seeing the 'for sale' sign, I decided to come and get the rest of my things,"

"Ah – well there is a problem there-"

"What?"

"All your things have pretty much been sold. We had to sell sweetie to pay the bills, Phil likes to try and get lucky in the local casinos in the outlet and my salary cannot stretch to his ways,"

"_All_ my things?"

"No I kept your pictures, photo albums and that little box hanging in your wardrobe. All those trinkets that never meant anything to anyone else but always held a special place in your heart,"

"I had things that belonged to dad in there, where have they gone?"

"They are still there. Your bed, wardrobe and chest were sold to a second-hand shop; they actually paid out good money for them. Who would have thought it? You have a couple of boxes and, all the electrical appliances went at a boot fair, Phil's mates did us a really good deal to shift most of it and I took your clothes to a charity shop."

_My mother had to be fucking kidding me?_

_How could she have sold most of my things, they were not hers to take – more so they were not Phil's. Not only did this absolute arsehole take away my mother but now he was taking my belongings!_

"Great. Of course it had to be down to him. Tell me, mum. Is a Phil a drug addict?"

"I don't see how that is any of your business,"

"It _is_ made my business f my furniture has to be sold to keep his habit. Not only is he an alcoholic, he is a druggie; he does not have a proper job. No doubt on the dole or 'special' benefits and taking away the money from the Government away from individuals who are really ill and can't work. Not to mention other tax payers funding his drug habit. Mum, can you hear yourself? Is there not one inch of your soul that pains to see all my belongings go, I as a result being taken out of your life?"

"I made a choice, Bella. Do not stand there and look down and me from your high horse,"

"Makes a nice change being the adult, mum. So what is my room, now? A drug-making den?"

"It's a room for the band to practise,"

"Ahh of course the band. How long have the band been on the scene compared to me?"

"If those boxes are what you came for, then I will save you the trouble and say that they are in the front room. This is not a place you stay in any longer, and besides getting rid of your things was the best idea we ever made. Now, we can go once we sell,"

"What she fails to mention, milady is that we would like you to come with us!" Phil appeared from the top of the stairs, always butting into conversations that had fuck all to do with him. The man was a bad smell, like a flesh-eating disease that managed to get so far underneath your skin the only means to escape is to walk out of the same building and never come into contact with him, again. I couldn't stand the man, I hated what he had turned my mother into – the various bruises on her arms had not gone unnoticed to my eyes, either. However, no matter how much of a bitch this next statement made me sound like, I didn't care. I don't care about my mother getting hurt because she was wiping me away and pushing me away with such a force that being around her, like her new boyfriend made me want to vomit all over the dirt-eaten floor.

"Over my dead body," I seethed, my whole body clenching, I was no longer afraid to hold in my words and escape the deep root of fear against Phil. He could do whatever he wanted to do me to attempt to gain some power. Power was what ran his relationship with my mother; my guess was that he was not even that into her. After all, she was just a pawn to use whenever money was needed or a good release of sexual frustration was on the cards – now, it makes sense.

"Oh well there is no need to be like that. You're mother has been amazing to me, and yes she _did_ pick me over you, Bella sweetheart but I promise she didn't mean it. My little Renee chops wants to make amends don't you, darling?" Phil cooed beside my mother, she smiled at the feel of his breath on her neck and like a very reliable machine she turned and nodded. At complete mercy to his every whim. I thanked someone up there that I had not turned out as gullible and vulnerable as my mother when the shit had hit the fan – I had Edward.

Edward was indeed, the best part of my life. Now and forever. Whether we are together or not, he was here to stay.

"I shall go and get my boxes and get the fuck out of here." I ended the conversation, the whole idea of coming here dooming pointless. Why stay around this couple that may as well be speaking another language any longer? The discussion was going to be all swings and roundabouts, no real points being made, no heartfelt words of goodbye and no promises to make amends. Humans can solve their own issues but not when it comes down to delusion. Renee and Phil were not potential parental figures, anymore. I would hold on to the way my mother had been with me as a child and before we moved here, apart from that she was a stranger to me. She and Phil were living in complete fantasy, the fantasy to them being a lie to other sane outsiders. I didn't want people like that in my life, why do I stay around with a couple who will never tell me the truth, never back me in my corner or ever actually care enough about the direction of my life. I want honesty, people who are going to point out when I screw up and make mistakes and still respect me enough to make those little mistakes and learn from them. How else can my life develop without imperfection?

Saying nothing else, feeling more anger towards my anger than my usual reaction of wanting to sob and break down completely. The living room was not better; the furniture amount in this room had also cut down to a limited amount. I couldn't live in this house if this is what I came home to every night. I made the right decision to get out when our house was still a house and not some kind of pad for insane patients. Seeing the two boxes, one large and one small enough to balance on top – I bent down and took them from the corner of the room, peering my head around the contraption in my hands to see where I was going, mum and Phil had not made any other sound or even bothered to come and talk to me, anymore or perhaps lend me a hand – that was far too much to ask the drugged up zombie bride and groom.

"Thanks for being such a huge disappointment, mother!" I shouted leaning towards the front door handle when a hand came around and opened it for me. Standing upright, I turned to Phil who inhabited a smug smile on his face – God forbid that I actually knock some sense into my own mother for doing this. No one apart from Phil who uses her as a kind of punch bag and voodoo doll.

"Your mother does not need to have immature little children like you in her life. She has me; now so do not worry your pretty little head about her,"

"Oh believe me all worry escaped from my mind when she chose a low-life like you over me. One day she will realise what an arsehole she is living with and whenever she comes crawling back to me she can go and burn in hell!"

"Oh such a fire, such a spirit inside you. That must be from your father,"

"Don't you fucking mention my father, I may be a girl but I swear on all that is holy and good in the world that I will not be afraid to beat you,"

"Have to learn some respect, Bella,"

"What, respect people the same way you do? Beat them up, rob them blind and convince them that having you by their side is the best thing since sliced bread,"

"I am sure you think that way about Edward. What is it like living over there?"

_Fuck!_

"Ah I believe I have found out your little secret. What would your mother say when she finds out that her 'superior' daughter is living only next door? They are going to get bored of having a non-related scrounger under their roof,"

"Yeah well at least I will not dig myself a grave, early. I will make something of my life that does not involve my robot of a mother and her lazy boyfriend."

"Such a pretty girl you are. It would have been nice to find out more about you," I flinched away from his hand as they ran through one thread of my hair. This man was beyond words. What kind of people gave birth to him? What more, what kind of people allowed their son to grow up the way he has? If they are even alive?

Perhaps he killed them to pay his drug habit in inheritance, he probably has plans like that for my own mother and I would not put killing far from his reaction to get more and more fantastic substances that will kill him. "Get the fuck away from me. I hope for your sake that my mother realises what kind of a person you are, she may allow you to beat her and not fight back but you have got the easier person out of us two. If it was me, you'd be out on your ear!"

"Go back to Edward and enjoy some much needed sex, Isabella. That kind of anger could make a spinster out of you earlier than you could realise."

Swallowing down the gradual building bile in my throat, I stepped out into the fresh air, all evidence of the dirt and the rotting of my old house breathing in the dew and winter wind. I didn't need to cry; I wanted to cry for what I had lost but what was the point when in terms of fortune I had come out much better off. The time for crying was over; there was nothing but acceptance left now that I had gained confirmation at how my mother had made her own bed and was lying in it.

I also didn't care that Phil knew I was next door, hopefully that house was going to sell and they could disappear. All they had to do was hire a good enough cleaner and then pray they can fuck off. I do not want them around, I was safe with the Cullens and anyway I was going to ensure that I was not a scrounger. Esme is far too generous and hospitable to take advantage of. I was planning on paying my mother rent to live when I got a job of my own, anyway. Kids should find some way of paying their parents back when they get to a certain age.

Not bothering to turn back, I balanced the boxes with one hand and knocked on the Cullen front door, moments if not milliseconds later Edward answered taken aback by the image of boxes covering my face.

"I've got them, Bell." He said, taking the boxes from my hold and letting me take the time whilst stepping into my 'home' to stretch out the strain through my arms. Edward placed the boxes down in the hallway, wasting no time in pulling me into a hug which could have easily broken off my air supply if I had not landed so quickly in the sensation his hold gave me. "Are you alright, are you hurt?"

"No Edward, I am fine. They sold most of my things but the 'important' belongings are in those boxes. I guess a person has to endure the reality that their past life is now nothing nut a cardboard box,"

"I would take pleasure in going over there and smashing both their heads, together!"

"There is just us now, Edward. Please don't leave me." I pleaded, not meaning to sound like a person who had lost their marbles. I already knew that Edward and I were for the long-haul but my fear remained inside to the possibility that my life was forever going to be alone. I was walking the lonely road, and that would be the only road I'd ever know if I were to go now. Placing a strong grip on my arms, Edward pulled us both apart and brought his eyes down to mine.

"Listen to me. You may not have a mother, but Bell you will _always_ have me. There is no meaning to me without you; I will always be here, always,"

"Thank you." I leant my forehead against his, breathing all of him around me and his protection of me from the bad world outside the front door.

~~**~Emmett~**~~

"Have you arranged to have someone take you home, Victoria?"

Practice was finished for the day, my job now taking place in the changing room as I took the rest of the dirty towels placed them in the machine and waited for the cycle to finish. The only downside to this job was the cleaning. I was not the best cleaner, not the best person to have a mop in his hand cleaning up the dirt from the little boy's trainers. Coach had been talking to the bitchy redhead for a while and I wanted so much to look like I was making myself useful but I may as well be stuck standing in the middle of their conversation.

"No, I walk coach,"

_One nil to Emmett!_ "Right very well, I will see you next weekend, then,"

"Oh coach. I am not sure that I will be able to complete a full-shift on Saturday..." _Uh-oh!_

"Why is that?"

"Well, my mum, she hasn't been too well lately and they fear that she may have to go into hospital to have some checks. Our GP doesn't know what's wrong with her,"

"Why didn't you tell me this, sooner? I could have arranged someone to cover you,"

"Her health has only just started to decline and, my father is busy at work trying to get some money to pay the deposit for the insurance company,"

"Don't give me all the details, girl. I hope this teaches you that telling your employers earlier can help save your arse just a little bit."

"Coach?"

_What are you doing, Emmett, turn back round, turn around now! This has nothing to do with you! Wait, coach was being a bastard! So what, he is always a bastard! I can't stand by and watch her suffer under the hands of a man who is clearly unhappy with life and probably an aspiring footballer at one time that never made it!_

"What is it, Cullen?"

_Well you have done it now, haven't you?_

"I can manage to assist and do Victoria's job at the same time. We don't need to hire anyone for one day's pay. I don't want to have her salary for the day, either,"

"Don't be ridiculous, Emmett. Your eyes have to be on the pitch at all times!"

"They are, sir. To be honest, as an assistant coach my services aren't needed as much right now because of how early into practice the boys are. It's just one day,"

"Why are you saving this girl, Emmett?"

"I am not saving her. Having a sick mother is difficult for anyone no matter what age they are and the emotions are always worse when a health decline is sudden. None of this is her fault, these kinds of things happen,"

"Well young lady you should be happy to have someone like Emmett come to your rescue. He is a respected member of the team, already. Have a good night the pair of you, goodbye boys."

"GOODNIGHT COACH CLAPP!"

Victoria folded her arms as she stood still on the spot. I wasn't expecting a thank you, frankly, I wanted to see all the boys get to their parents or manage to get home safely before going home, myself. Giving up any hope that this girl had an ounce of humanity inside her, I made sure the boys had all their belongings before taking them out of the changing rooms in an orderly queue and out into the main entrance where there were many cars waiting.

Appreciative parents always make the job worthwhile, too. After a short period they know your name and what help you get paid for in the club and knowing that both the parents and the boys in some way have some respect for you is a great feeling. After the last child had gone, I went back into the club and grabbed the keys from the office to lock up the changing rooms and also to lock the office.

As I finished with the keys, hiding them underneath the mat so that coach could come in at some point in the week to coach the older boys, I walked back to the jeep taking out my own keys from my back pocket.

I was stopped in my tracks at Victoria leaning against the front of the jeep, her eyes slowly coming up to gaze into mine. The girl had been crying, due to the redness seeping through her skin tone. "Why did you do that?" she asked, her voice barely audible enough, I etched closer and stood closely to her, scratching the back of my head.

"Believe it or not. Watching Edward change made me feel jealous. Jealous because he _wants_ to be a good guy, he always has been deep down inside and...My parents never really believed that there was the same good in me. Some salvation to my becoming the eldest, energetic little boy again who never said boo to a goose. I am sorry your mum is sick, I don't know what I'd do if my own mum was sick..."

"I didn't want anyone to know, but I can't keep my absence quiet from my boss. Or even my teachers if that is what indeed it comes down to,"

"I won't tell anyone,"

"Yeah well...Who cares. I appreciate the help but now coach is going to think that I am going to need you there to fight my battles,"

"Hold on,"

"Next time don't butt into conversations that don't concern you!"

"I just saved your arse!"

"Welcome to how your parents felt when they gave and gave, helped and helped their son to get better in his attitude when all he did was throw it back in their face,"

"Actually, you can go and get fucked. I will let Coach throw you down, because believe me I have been here a few weeks but, I have seen that man angry. Let's see how you can manage on your own!" I wasn't in the mood to keep going with this bitch; she was no different to Rosalie or Tanya. Not appreciating anything that can get in her way and so much for trying to change my ways. I opened the Jeep and climbed in the driver's side closing the door behind me. As I turned the key in the ignition there were three loud bangs on the side and woe betide that cow if she had done any damage to my Jeep!

"What?" I shouted winding down the window. There she appeared, like the nightmare to keep little children awake at night.

"I could really do with a lift home,"

"Do you live in some kind of a fantasy world, love because after the obvious display of unappreciative attitude reeking from your soul, I don't really want to hand you _another_ favour?"

"Alright if I promise to make it up to you, in something that you want then please can you give me a lift home?"

"A favour, which I make up?"

"As long as I can keep my clothes on,"

"Ha ha trust me; I won't want to see what's underneath your clothes,"

"Fine then, anything that you can think of for a form of making us equal then, let me know."

"Get in. You're lucky that my mother raised me to respect women,"

"That really worked for the past how ever many years didn't it?"

"Just get in!"

~~**~Bella~**~~

I knocked on Esme's bedroom door, fresh cup of tea in hand to give to her.

"Come in" she called from inside, I pushed the door which fortunately was already ajar and stepped in, seeing Esme sitting on the foot of the bed clutching a frame in her hands.

"Oh thank you Bella, can you place it on my bedside table?"

"Sure" I answered putting the cup down on the coaster already set on the small table and as I turned around, the photo came into view. It was Carlisle. "Do you miss him, Esme?"

"I miss him everyday Bella. That's the beauty of marriage, we support each other's dreams and go to the ends of the earth and back again but, not being without him hurts so much – especially for me, as we cannot see so much of one another. Only when his boss allows it,"

"I thought Carlisle was his own boss,"

"No one is their own boss in employment. There is always one person of higher authority that gets the answers. It's my birthday this weekend but, I have already had a call from my husband to say that he won't be able to make it."

"Oh I'm sorry, that's got to suck."

"Have a seat my darling," Esme tapped the empty spot beside her and I folded my arms and sat down, my lower body sinking greatly into the depths of the mattress. No wonder Esme liked to have early nights, she didn't have to blame age so much than the reality that her bed was heaven with a duvet cover. "I never regretted agreeing to Carlisle going abroad to work, I could never regret watching the expression on his face when he realised how much agreeing to the change was hard for me. Carlisle is selfless and, he wanted to stay here because I also have dreams of working abroad, perhaps not so much in my line of work at the moment but something else,"

"It's natural to miss him; I miss Edward after only half a day,"

"That feeling won't change, if you and my son decide to marry of course. Your love for them never ceases, we're countries apart and over a day apart in the time difference and yet, I think of him at every minute of every passing hour, just as much as I did when we first became a couple, that was the best time of my life,"

"Were you at school together?"

"No. Funnily enough, we met in University. I was doing my degree in beauty therapy and hairdressing and, I hadn't ever had a relationship before so you can imagine how nervous I was under the spell of the beautiful man that was my husband,"

"Was it automatic?"

"As soon as our eyes met, I just knew that I had to go and talk to him. I didn't know what to talk about; I didn't care about looking like a complete fool. The little girl inside me was under his spell before he even opened his mouth,"

"Esme. What did the two of you do for your first date?"

"We walked for hours, we were not the sort for restaurants and, talking seemed easier because verbally we could make an impression. Honestly, from my side there was no impression needed, he already had me as weird as that sounded. The first date ended with Carlisle telling me that even though he wanted so much to kiss me, it wasn't appropriate as his mum had always told him to cherish the memory more than the stupidity of one action,"

"Wow, so he was a real English Gentleman, then?"

"Very much so. I was very lucky and I have thanked God for bringing him to me and for having us meet on that fateful night in the student union bar even now when I wake up in the morning and before I go to bed,"

"Well, seeing as it's your birthday – I would really like to do something to mark the occasion, get Emmett and Edward on the case and maybe go out to dinner..."

"Oh that s so sweet of you to offer, but it's okay. Birthdays are not as exciting as an adult as they are at your age."

"Still, Carlisle wouldn't want you to sit around and mope..."

"Nice choice of words, but really-"

"Esme you're too giving, and to be honest I want to have some way of thanking you for the help you have given me and for putting up with me, here,"

"I am not going to win this argument am I?"

"Not a chance in hell."

~~**~Emmett~**~~

"Breaking Benjamin, really?"

The woman was not only taking up the extra room in the Jeep which was used for my 'Relentless' and a snack but she had taken it upon herself to judge my Mp3 music. "This is my car and we will listen to my music,"

"They're too angry!"

"That's the beauty of them, with the anger the lyrics and emotions behind what they are singing about they make great songs,"

"Yeah well I think they're shit,"

"Whatever. If we are just going to spend the whole fucking trip arguing then we may as well just stay silent!"

"So is Bella seriously living with you?"

"Yes. Her mum chucked her out, chose her new boyfriend over her own daughter. My mother does have a soul and so she thought it was insane for a young girl to be homeless. Now, we are all doing the best we can,"

"I am sure she is very appreciative,"

"Yeah she is. Much more than people like you are. I can see the appreciation in her eyes everyday when she sits down for dinner with all of us and when Edward smiles at her. My little brother is happy and Bella is perfect for him,"

"I would have been perfect for him too,"

"Ah my instincts were right. You are jealous,"

"I have spent most of my teenage years hoping that Edward would turn around and look at me. Love me. So much for that waste of time."

"I am sorry about that but there is nothing that can be done. Edward and Bella found one another and both of us have done our fair share of shit to her. Now, way too late of course we want to welcome her back in, let her know that there is a place for her to belong,"

"Yeah well...She was a great friend to me, you're right. I didn't appreciate her, like I didn't appreciate what you did for me back there,"

"I didn't do it for you. I did it because those little kids would be dreaming of nothing else but the shouting of Clapp,"

"Gee thanks!"

"Of course I did it for you. That bloke needs to go on a dating site or something, and then at least he will be reintroduced to the world where men can dote after a woman and actually enjoy it,"

"Like Rosalie?"

"I loved Rosalie; she didn't feel anything for me."

"Well that's awful; I wouldn't wish that on anyone. I guess one-sided feelings exhaust a person out, huh?"

"Definitely. I knew that there was a good conversation in you, somewhere,"

"Okay you win. I bow down to the mercy of the God that is Emmett Cullen!"

"Why do you say mine and Edward's full names? Like something that has been forced out from underneath your shoe?"

"You're not far off the mark with that analogy. I am sorry; the name thing is a force of habit. The lower people of school do not feel the need to talk about the populars on first-name basis,"

"I am not one of those people, now. Jacob can be the God; he has the arsehole attitude for it. Not to mention Hale, who also tried to give shit to Bella."

"Wow, she has really impressed a lot of people,"

"Yes she is kind. A kind person with a heart gains respect from just about anyone they meet. Anyway when are you going to make amends with her?"

"Who said I was going to make amends?"

"Me. Come on, you can't deny that you miss her,"

"I may have a heart but I am not going to show it to you, people like you can only use that against me,"

"That's my favour. To make us equal, you apologise to Bella."

I pulled up to the front of her house, the sound of my Sat-Nav telling me that I had reached my destination, I was a man and I was never going to be good enough with directions from a girl. They understand, I was just going to be screwed without my little device.

"I was afraid you'd day that!"

"That's the deal, considering your arse is saved from other wrath from Clapp when returning to work,"

"Alright. I did say anything. I will apologise to Bella."

"Thank you" she said closing the door and opening her front gate before shooting me a small wave and closing the distance between my Jeep and the front door.

The smug smile was automatic as I drove away, putting on my headlights.

That Emmett my friend, is called a job well done.


	53. Willing Justifications

~~**~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

The evening came by just as fast as the day, the day becoming something of another highlight in the life-changing aspects of discussion and potential writing genius. I spent the rest of my day cuddling Edward, just needing to be close to him – to feel him without desiring him more in any other way except to live within our own bubble. In the world where we could belong and be silent without causing any concern from outsiders. The confrontation with my mother had put me into a strange trance, almost like my mind couldn't come back to reality and in the comforting silence; Edward resorted to running his hands through my hair, his breathing causing my head to slowly lift up and down. He didn't once ask me what was wrong, or intrude on where I was going in my trance; he was in his own as well.

With the loud banging on the door, the trance was over and Edward had already lifted my head as gently as anything from his body back onto the pillows – I studied his form as he unlocked his bedroom door and let in a flustered and rather rosy, cheeked Emmett.

"Hey bro, Bella. Sorry to interrupt, I have someone downstairs who wants to see you," the information was directed at me, I watched as Emmett's eyes fell on me for that indication.

"Me, who?"

"I'd rather you come downstairs and see,"

"Emmett, whoever it is can come up here and show their faces at least," Edward came to my rescue, which made me smile inwardly but the gesture wasn't needed. Whoever it was could be turned away just as quickly as they walked in, seeing as I do not know many people who would wait for me and most of them had turned into people who I naturally despise with a passion.

"Its okay, Edward. I'll come down, Emmett." I put the poor boy out of his misery, he looked like he had sprinted a marathon, Edward shot me a questionable glance but in comfort, I climbed off of the bed and cupped his cheek in my hand for a moment before following his brother out of the door.

Who was so important that they had to ruin my pondering time? Rather that, who wanted to speak with me so urgently?

Emmett and I reached the bottom of the stairs and as I followed him into the living room, I almost collapsed when Tor rose from the sofa, her head down to the floor and her hands clasped out in front of her stomach. My ex-friend resembled something of a little child who had done something naughty about to face the wrath of their parents. Either way she looked, even though she may be feeling something different inside, extremely apprehensious.

"Tor has something she wants to say," Emmett sat down on the sofa bringing his leg up to balance on his other one, the guy looked incredibly smug and how had he managed to bring her down here?

"Emmett, did you bring Tor here?" I asked, not once showing recognition to her being in the room at all, if she wanted to be a bitch with me then it was only fair that I, in return get my moment of anger.

"I found out that Victoria works at the football club." He stated. _This was confusing! _

_Since when did Victoria have a job at all?_

_Not only that, why did she work in the football club?_

"Bella, Emmett was right when he told me some home-truths about my behaviour. I have been horrible and the things that have been said from my mouth, a little unnecessary,"

_A little?_

_Spare me the sweet-covered beat around the bush words. Victoria has been a cow, all I wanted was to have her support and I got nothing! Am I wrong for being angry?_

"I didn't expect you to come down and see me, Jesus; I wouldn't if our roles were reversed,"

"Tor. I can't really fathom as to why you decided to come here, myself. Whatever Emmett has said he is only speaking the thoughts that belong to him. Mine must be different, somehow,"

"Please, Bella. The girl is here to make amends," Emmett was clearly playing the peace-maker but as he sat there in his own pride. Frankly, his presence wasn't helping the strange situation at all.

"Then this is something that should be conversed between the both of us. All I wanted was acceptance, Tor. Maybe a little bit of support but the whole time, when I told you about how mine and Edward's relationship had changed what did you do?"

"I know, Bella. I have been a bitch,"

"Even after I apologised you brushed me off. How was I supposed to feel? Did you expect me to be all forgiving and loving again after everything that has gone down? Who were the people who helped you get out of that party when you drunk yourself unconscious?"

"You and Edward,"

"Exactly. We did that because we care, not because we just wanted to be around each other because us being so close in proximity is so impossible in your eyes,"

"I didn't mean that,"

"Yes you did otherwise you wouldn't have said it at all!"

"I was angry,"

"I know. Don't you think I know? To be honest my _not _speaking to my best friend about it would have been the simpler option but, you and I, I thought we had something right in being friends. That our friendship meant something,"

"It does. Of course it does. You have done so much for me, and what do I go and give in return,"

"Can you see how your behaviour has made me feel? All my life there has been something missing inside of me, something that up until recent weeks I never once believed that I could find a cure for. I was lonely, lonely in myself for being so different to all the other school idiots who seem to exist no matter where in the country a person can go to get an education. Those words that came from you, they were identical to that of Tanya and Rosalie." I briefly saw Emmett lower his head at the sound of Rosalie's name. The guy was an idiot at times but no one could ever deny that both the Cullen's had always possessed a heart.

"That just makes me feel sick, Bell. As the only reason I came to speak to you that day was because you mouthed off to Edward and, at last I had found someone who wanted to speak out and argue their anger like I was too afraid to do,"

"So where does that leave us? Unless you can find some acceptance in your soul for Edward and me, then this whole conversation is pointless. Edward and me, we come in a set now and no one – not even my bitch of a mother can break us up,"

"I don't want to break you two up. I have known for a while that the attraction was never going to be reciprocated. Liking Edward Cullen was such a large part in a life that is, still lonely and fantasies made me feel loved in such a way that letting go was hard to swallow,"

"I have liked people in the past, Tor and I know how it feels to watch them go out with someone else. That is the main reason as to why I didn't want to lose you,"

"Now it all makes sense. I should have been more accepting and then, perhaps no one would have evidence as to the lonely side of my personality. What being single in life does to me? I don't want to play the victim, if anything you are the only victim in this whole house to have the right to be angry at the people who put you down,"

"Emmett, what did you say to her?"

"He only opened my eyes, Bell. Don't blame him. He was only thinking about you." Tor interrupted before Emmett could have a chance to answer. What was with these two? Were they friend now?

"Bella I know I have no right to hope that we can be friends again. Or even go back to how we were because that will never come back. Just know this; you are the only person who has wanted to speak to me for so long – for years outsiders ignored the shy, geeky girl because she seemed a recluse. Being a recluse helped me accept that there wasn't going to be a real friend out there for me, one that only has my interests at heart. Then, Bella Swan comes along and changes all of my beliefs. So many people care and respect you, Bell and I want to be that person again. I do respect you, more so than you can ever imagine and I am happy for you and Edward, now."

"How can I trust that you're telling me the truth?"

"Well if I'm not then Emmett can think of another way to make us equal." _A little confusing, but okay. Mental note- speak to Emmett._

"Emmett?" I looked to him, his head was back up.

"Victoria's telling the truth, Bella. She has been a bitch but, you two are better than Tanya and Rosalie. The gang are just lunatics in the way that they behave and live each day. I know that, now too and I have learnt by watching you both here that there is a chance to wipe the slate, in a way, you both need one another."

_Emmett wins hands down for his honesty and correct observation. Damn the man can look like such a loveable buffoon with a dumb side but he could come out with the right thing and amaze even the most intelligent minds. He must have done this, for me. _

"Then, yes we can be friends again. However, if you say one bad thing about Edward in any way, shape or form then it's all over."

"I promise I will never say a bad word against you, or Edward."

With one final nod, she smiled and folded her arms, Relief washing over her face, the girl hadn't moved from the same spot the whole duration of the conversation, I couldn't help but believe deep down that her words were genuine. How Emmett had managed to get her over here and bear out her soul was another matter, entirely and I had to get some time to speak to him about how they had shown some civilised conversation when no one else had been around to witness it. Emmett rose from the sofa and walked out of the living room, Tor followed after him they both went out of sight and I was left contemplating about what had just happened.

The front door closed and I turned to go back up the stairs when Edward's face peered round the door frame. "Were you listening?" I asked.

"I couldn't help it. I didn't know who it was and I wanted to be here just in case it was someone who you were not expecting,"

"Well. I definitely wasn't expecting that!"

"There was truth in her words, Bell. My brother has done the greatest thing for you both – the greatest gesture for _anyone_ in a long time and if anything, he deserves our thanks,"

"Yes. Did you see how she followed him, can you imagine..."

"No I can't. Victoria has a sassy side, which can be a little endearing I'll admit because the girl is so naturally shy and introverted but Emmett isn't good for her. They'd only bring out the worst in each other,"

"Stranger things have happened. Look at us..." Edward walked into the room, instantly wrapping his arms around my waist into our loving cocoon.

"We are not like them. I found you, fate brought you next door...To me. The reason we met is a sign that we were always right for one another, Bell. Just too stubborn to admit it,"

"Edward. What were you thinking about, in the bedroom before all of this?"

"I was just wondering how much my life has changed. How much I can now be grateful for and have belief that better journeys will happen. What were you thinking about?"

"Your mum,"

"Really?"

"Yeah. Yesterday she was telling me about how she and Carlisle met. How two people so destined to be together met unexpectedly and how much she knew she had to talk to him on that fateful night, not just because he may have been a good looking man in the same educational institute, but because she was attracted to him,"

"They have always been the perfect fit. Makes me regret the way that Emmett and I chose to treat women when mum had always told us, _drilled_ into us to be respectful and loving towards the gentler sex,"

"Did you know it was her birthday this weekend?"

"Yes. The tradition is to celebrate as a family, but we were hoping that dad was going to come back last weekend to have a fortnight here but, work always seems to get in the way,"

"That's why she was looking at his photo!"

"What do you mean?"

"I walked in on her and she was holding his picture like a buried treasure, she looked so sad and when I mentioned that you and I and Emmett could plan something for her birthday she was quick to insist I drop the idea, completely."

"Mum has never liked fuss, she can dish it out to a starving army but she will never have the attention on her."

"Edward is there a way that I can get hold of Carlisle?"

~~**~Emmett~**~~

"I knew you could manage it,"

I had defeated all procrastination. People often saw me as some kind of dumb-arse but I showed something tonight that could earn me some kind of medal. Victoria looked out of the passenger window; she had not said a word since I started to drive her home and even over the music playing from my iPod the silence from her was still unsettling me.

"Okay, please say it now and get it over with,"

"Say what?"

"I told you so."

"Victoria, what is the point when you already know that I was right? Bella is not a bad person; she just has a lot of built-up anger. Hardly surprising when she has been treated so badly by the person who was supposed to be her mother,"

"I can't believe that I never once thought about her feelings. When I have always wanted to put someone else before me for a change. Everything in my head is about me, feeling sorry for myself wanting so much to have better chances in life,"

"There will be someone out there for you,"

"Please don't give me advice on matters of the heart, Emmett. I appreciate everything that you have done for me, today against what my original thoughts of your character have been but this conversation is going to go into unwanted territory,"

"I am not so much of an idiot to understand what feeling lonely is like,"

"Emmett. You can't have ever been lonely. Look at the life you made,"

"Having friends isn't all that. Especially when those friends could easily stab you in the back at the click of two fingers. I wanted Rosalie and, whenever she came into the room I lit up."

"Please..."

"I have to talk, as well. I do have some humanity inside me, Victoria. Look, okay I won't go into detail if that is, what you call 'unwanted territory' but what the detail would have come down to is...I know how you must be feeling,"

"No you don't."

"Yes I do. Being alone, watching everyone else hold the people they love and want to have someone to fill out the same gesture. Why do you think that I made that reputation in school? Why do you think that I craved to have so many 'friends'? I was lonely and the last thing I wanted was to have other people see me as this lonely soul who lives in his own head. A guy to show any kind of feeling,"

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Honestly, I don't know. Perhaps it's nice talking to you when I don't have any smart-aleck comebacks to attempt to place my head around and understand,"

"Do you still feel lonely?"

"Since Rosalie broke up with me, more so than ever. Goes to show that my treatment of people can be thrown back into my face from the laws of Karma. I deserved to not have her like me back the same way, now I can see the many girls that have gone through the same emotions when I have shit on them,"

"Does Bella hate me?"

"No I don't believe she does. Anger is different from hate, Bella is a decent person and the reason why people care so much about her is because she is selfless enough to put others before herself. She does that for my brother and, look at him, now,"

"They are pretty perfect for one another. I should have seen that all along but I was having too much fun linking with someone else on the same intellectual level to notice,"

"I told myself that deep down, you were not a bad person,"

"I feel like a bad person,"

"Watching you in there, hearing those feelings behind your words made me realise that there is a human in there and a pretty decent one at that. Just bide your time with Bella, all she needs is time to adapt and then the two of you can be 'intellectuals' again."

"I didn't really mean it when I said thank you last time, but now, I mean it. Thank you, Emmett."

I pulled up outside her house, a little relieved that her front house light was on and that she did not have to walk the small distance from my jeep to her house in darkness. As she slipped off her seatbelt, one of her many strands of her hair got caught and moments later she felt the strain and let out a small whimper. I took the strand in my hand, pulling it gently from the belt, not forgetting to notice how soft her hair was and how shiny the fiery red colour looked in the moonlight from outside and managed to get it free. Her head turned towards me.

"Thank you, Emmett."

"You're welcome." I answered, with a small smile she opened the door and stepped out onto the pavement – she placed one hand on the door and looked back into my eyes, again.

"By the way, this whole conversation...Stays between us. This doesn't mean I like you or anything,"

"I know" I answered, she closed the door and I watched the back of her walk to the house and open the front door.

~~**~Bella~**~~

I had spent the last two hours speaking to Carlisle's boss, feeling a little worried that my reasons for asking him to come home would bite me on the arse a few months down the line. Esme needed her husband, as much as I needed Edward when he wasn't around and seeing as she had done so much for me, I wanted a chance to give something to her.

Edward was writing on his notepad, the same one we had used to converse to each other from our windows once before, I walked back into the room and his attention left the actions of his pen and fell on me, entirely. "What did you do?" he whispered.

"I asked for Carlisle to come home, as soon as he could manage,"

"Bella. What did you say?" It was natural for Edward to question my motives; _I _questioned them, too, however my heart was screaming back giving a justifiable reason that it was all down to love. I loved Esme as a mother, already in such a short time and, with Carlisle being away that cannot be easy for anyone, least of all people who are as genuine and kind-hearted as Esme.

"Don't be afraid, Edward. If this all goes to pot then I will be the one to blame. I shall take responsibility. Hearing your mum speak about your dad, the love that radiated from her voice however many years down the line in their marriage drove me to call higher command. All I said was that my name was Bella Swan and that I lived next door. Due to the abandonment of myself from my mother who is about to marry a drug-addict and ex-convict, Esme has taken me under her care but is feeling the pressure. At this moment in time, to help her health from declining would it be possible if Carlisle Cullen have the two weeks he planned to have off in holiday time to come and take care of her,"

"What did he say?"

"Seems like some bosses to have some hearts. His reply was that Carlisle had been working harder and harder each day he is out there and apologises profusely for taking him away from his pre-scheduled holiday time. Time and the work have slowed down, now. He was only too happy and understanding to allow Carlisle to come home,"

"Oh Bell. Is that true?"

"Yes. Carlisle should be back tomorrow evening to fall into the arms of his loving wife." I stated in a whisper. If I could find a camera and take a picture of my beautiful Edward's expression then and there I'd excel in the fact that I had caused the breath-taking smile of relief and excitement etching from his entire body. I almost screamed when he grabbed me by the waist with such a force that my heart had almost broken down its functioning. I wasn't able to speak; Edward had crashed our lips, together with a passion that should be illegal. I responded with the same lust for my boyfriend, allowing him to lie me down on the bed, my weight falling on the neglected notepad and pen as his lips and one of his hands worshipped me. His fingers ghosted along the skin of my stomach, the desire burning within the depths of my bones brought my fingers to his hair, running through the thinly-gelled roots bringing us closer and closer connected. Our tongues melded, danced and battled together in consuming love and I allowed Edward to lead the kiss, completely loving the impression I had made on him. My breathing became deeper, my moans vibrating against the thin layers of our hard-working lips, this feeling could never once become boring – Edward awakened my senses and brought my whole body to life into new worlds that were still, admittedly strange but were so welcome at the same time.

Taking in oxygen, Edward's lips moved from mine torturously to my neck, my head lifting in response from the pillow at the affection behind the gesture and how great his lips moulded to my aching skin. "I am such a lucky bastard, Bell." He whispered. All I could manage to do was moan. "How did I get so lucky, thank you my love? Thank you so much for doing that."

"It's okay, I wanted to. For all of you and your kindness." I whispered.

"I love you, Bella I love you so much!" As he moved to my collar bone, my hips began to move on their own and the sudden automatic sign of arousal caught me off-guard. How could Edward manage to make me so consumed in my feelings for him in just under a minute?

I didn't want to think about whether moving my hips was a good idea or whether it was unnatural to do so, I needed to lift them higher and higher the further Edward's lips moved lover and they seemed to have a mind of their own. My body was no longer attached to my brain and there was no time to think when a beautiful man who loved everything about me towered over my willing body to do with as he pleased. I was completely at his mercy.

The front door closing made me lift my head, Edward had also followed the same suit and that session could have led to something amazing but not an act which can be carried out when there were people in the house. Those people being Emmett.

"Sorry, I got a little carried away," Edward whispered running a hand through his hair as he sat upright.

"Don't be sorry, Edward. I want to do that, I could have gone on longer because you feel so amazing but with your brother downstairs..."

"Now you can guess why I have a lock on my room. He has great timing when walking in on something he teases me about for months on end. I don't dare go into his room because I do not want to have the visual in my nightmares,"

I sighed and sat up. There was something else that needed to be done. "I will be back in a minute. Can I get you anything?"

"No thanks baby" he answered, allowing and putting his trust in me not to ask me where I was going. That is another thing to add to the reasons why I loved Edward; he never questioned me unless he really had to in order to put his mind at rest. I know that he will protect me but not show once a sign bordering obsession as to what I choose to do with my time. I resorted to running my fingers through my hair quickly getting off of the bed and stepping out of the bedroom and closing the door. With the heat burning from my very core that must have had some kind of effect on how my hair looked and Emmett was probably going to notice.

There were noises coming from the kitchen and I hovered at the doorway watching Emmett hum to himself as he got himself a can of drink from the fridge. _Since when does Emmett hum?_

"I know you're out there, Bella." He called, not turning to face me. I didn't exactly make my walking down the stairs a reason to be quiet, after all.

Emmett turned as I joined him in the kitchen; he took one sip of the drink and placed it down on the breakfast bar. "What's up?"

"Listen, Emmett. I don't know what you did to make Tor come over here and apologise but...I just want to say thank you,"

"I did it for you, Bella. That _and_ to prove my theory that the girl was not a complete walking clone to that of the two school sluts!"

"So, the two of you have spoken about things?"

"Yes and before you ask, no we are not friends and nothing else is going to happen. Victoria ran into trouble with coach because she can't work on Saturday, her mother is ill and so I stepped in to help. The girl didn't apologise and that pissed me off, but as I gave her a lift home I found some way of paying back my gesture with her own. I remember the two of you being good friends if memory serves,"

"Wait. Her mum's ill?"

"Yeah I don't know the ins and outs. I am not very good with that medical hullabaloo but, anyway she can go and see her mum and now you two can speak again. All is right in the world,"

"Well. Thank you."

"You're welcome, besides I couldn't have my brother take all the credits of being a nice guy. I envied his change but now that I have managed to do some good, I feel better. It makes me feel better knowing that I can do things for you and for others,"

"I am grateful,"

"I can never doubt your gratefulness, Bella. I see it every day when you look into my brother's eyes. Yes, all that love stuff doesn't sound so bad,"

"Believe me it isn't. Rosalie wasn't good for you but there will be someone,"

"For once I can actually believe that there will be, I was an arsehole Bella, more to you than anyone else and so for that, I want to make it up to you,"

"Trust me the ground is already covered, Emmett. Besides if that bet had never been made, Edward and I wouldn't have spoken or gotten to know each other in the same way. Its funny how life works in mysterious ways like that,"

"Amen to that."

"So what are your plans for the rest of the weekend?"

"Gotta go back to the club, tomorrow but apart from that. Nothing. Why did you want to do something?"

"Well, I have done something that might change the 'nothing' part of that?"

"Meaning?"

"I called your dad's boss, seeing as its Esme's birthday I wanted her to have something special and...The only thing that she really wants and needs is your father. We will be having dinner tomorrow night, at least all of you will be altogether whilst I take Cosmo for a much-need stroll on our usual route. I am making dinner,"

"Seriously where have you been all of our lives, Bella?"

"Hiding. Hiding and waiting to have something better. I have it now."

"We are the lucky ones, Bella."

"Oh and by the way, whatever happens between you and Tor is your business, Emmett"

"Thanks."

~~**~Edward~**~~

I watched Bella go into the guest room once she had come back upstairs, I was waiting for someone in the hallway, someone who I needed to thank for doing something that should have crossed my mind but never did.

Emmett appeared at the top of the stairs and let out a laugh once he saw me. "I have never been spoken too so much in one day; if this is the perks of doing a good deed then I want to drown in them daily." He joked standing still and leaning on the very top of the banister rail.

"Listen, I know that you got Tor here for Bella. I am surprised that I didn't think of it, but considering how she once felt about me I kind of wanted to stay away,"

"That's understandable, Edward,"

"No it's not. I should have done that, but the fact that _you_ did it. Makes the outcome more beneficial for Bella,"

"I want to make amends to making that bet and its small and I suppose that the making up will take a while but, Bella is the reason you have changed for the better. Mum loves her, so it's all win-win,"

"Don't you care about her?"

"Of course I do, I suppose if I can't be all cheesy with my family then who else can I speak about it, too?"

"Thanks for caring. Don't be afraid to speak 'cheesy' to me, Em. Besides, not everything is as bad as once deemed – there will be someone, better than Rosalie,"

"No need to give me that talk, Romeo. Juliet has already told me all of that. Besides, we need to get ready for dad, tomorrow."

"You heard about that, huh?"

"Edward, dude let's face it. We're the luckiest family, alive."


	54. Special Days

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Esme~**~~

I couldn't remember the last time I have missed my darling husband so much.

Working away means that his absence of course, makes my heart yearn more for Carlisle but at the same time, whenever I look into the eyes of my youngest son or Bella I am reminded that the kind of love that I share with my husband does and can exist in the lives of younger generations. Bella had done wonders on Edward, turning him back to the young boy he was always destined to be and my heart and gratitude would always be in her debt. The poor lamb had endured enough in her short life to realise that love is what can turn situations around and make us women into better people. I have never been with anyone but Carlisle, I met him, lost my virginity to him at the age of nineteen and then we got married. Now, we have two sons who still remain the lights of my life even though like any family in this day and age we have all had issues and a rollercoaster relationship. Carlisle working away was hard for me at first to swallow, when a person is married every inch of them outside and inside becomes shared and connected, he had a fantastic opportunity in the job role he is in at the present time and being his wife, I knew deep down that he needed to feel at one with himself not just in personal life and family but in a career as well. I cried and cried the first time he was taken away from me but now, it has become a little easier to adapt to. I can't ever not miss him; I could never really permanently get used to waving goodbye at the airport or shout at him to quit his job because of my need to have my Carlisle by my side where he belongs.

Our destiny was with each other.

I hadn't been able to sleep, not because of my inhabitancy of a child soul and the idea of a birthday exciting me, far on the contrary, my birthdays ever since Carlisle started working out of the country were more of an independent affair. I was never one to go out on wild nights with friends, being a young girl I was very much like the way that Bella is right now. Possessing a very bright and academic brain can lead a person to solely plan out their future and I was no different. God forbid I was never a woman to consider working away like my husband because of my natural motherly soul. My own mother had raised me right, she was always there for me through the good, bad and even the ugly and I swore that my being a mother before the birth of both my sons that I was going to follow that tradition. Emmett and Edward are starting to grow up and perhaps aspire to go to college or university for a further education qualification and, with Carlisle away I feared that my life once my sons had found their rightful path would never once again be the family home we had all loved once. I was going to be alone with only a few moments in the year to really desire and appreciate my husband for being with me for all these years. Our marriage was blissful at it was mutual, we had bloomed together into the people we are and never left each other on the way and no one will ever take that away from me. I have been blessed in Carlisle and my two amazing sons, who outside of their own behaviour were always amazing to me, even though perhaps they may not have shown their love for me in return.

Sleeping in the middle of the bed helped my keep a part of my husband in my mind; I refused to sleep on one side when he wasn't there to sleep beside me. Besides, he always left the smell of his hair on the pillow and I, taking the time alone to drift off into sleep took it upon myself to bury my head into his pillow, breathing him in and letting my dreams play out. I always dreamed of Carlisle, more so when he was away naturally and dreams help in a small way to keep someone close when they are so very far away. Coming back to planet earth, I lifted my head from the pillow and glanced over at the bedside clock. It was three o'clock in the morning and I had retired from washing up the dishes at around half nine last night using the excuse of tiredness and I have not slept one minute of that time. I had no idea about why I wanted to cry for the first time since Carlisle left for the airport on his last visit back home, this particular month has been such a whirlwind, with Bella living here and my anger at her mother for abandoning her in the way that she has. Renee Swan did not deserve to have children; I feel so much sympathy to any woman who can never have the blessed chance to have a family when people like Renee throw that miracle away. There is no better miracle in life to a mother than raising their children. The ultimate sharing of a couple who love one another to make a life. Carlisle was the most adamant one to have children, he was not so prone to refusal but he was open-minded about the concept of being a father but, we were not in a rush when graduating from University because our life had only just begun at that point. I remember the fear that came from the idea of losing contact with Carlisle after university, because there was no guarantee about whether he still wanted to be with me. Considering my undying love for him, there was the utter despairing thought that we would no longer share what we had when we were pursuing our degrees – University was nothing compared to the real world, with the struggled we faced as aspiring degree graduates, real life was so much harder. I didn't know whether we both had the strength inside us to fully let each other in to what life could bring us, and how we would face it. Love is sometimes too rosy and too beautiful that it can shield what real life is and what can happen to a relationship.

I always knew, however that my destiny lied with Carlisle, whether we be together or as best friends and confidantes, he was always going to have a place in my heart no matter whether we go to the next level or not. I needed to keep him beside me because of how he made me feel, how much he trusted me, loved me for my flaws and for my benefits as a young person starting out in the real world. He was always a keeper.

I moved position onto my back and looked up at the ceiling, letting my memories wander to the very first time we moved into this house. I was pregnant with Edward, Emmett was only one at the time and we needed a family home. Life in the flat we moved into as a couple was no longer big enough for two children to live and, Carlisle had already started climbing the mountain of his career and I was in-between jobs because of the complications of having young Emmett to look after. After all, I was always going to be there for my children and never allow myself to neglect or abandon them in any way, because children no matter what age need a life's care. I had always wanted to be a mother, I had always felt such a sense of pride whenever helping people will small problems or large, listening was a strong trait in my personality ever since birth and I had always been around people. Having children, whether it be one, two or seven was forever on the charts and had been for years and years. I believed when I graduated from university that I could bring life into this world and give them the right guidance and unconditional love and support like my mother always did for me. Carlisle, in the end made such a wonderful father to our sons and his face when he first held both Emmett and Edward was the reason I was always meant to belong to him. Pregnancy was a blessing for me, there are always horror stories about women struggling and gaining weight but my sons, considering Emmett's nine stone weight when he was born never gave me any trouble – no complications and no panic about losing them or putting strain on their development. Giving birth was not a bed of roses but that is the opportunity a mother and a father have when they create life. Too many young girls, now get pregnant for the wrong reasons, when I was growing up a marriage was made complete when babies made an appearance and the concept of marriage was life-long. Divorce was frowned upon more when I was a child then how easy people divorce and break up in this day and age and that makes me sad that girls like Bella are being set the wrong example by the rest of their age group. Some elders look on teenagers or young adults and speak of them with venom. How appreciation and respect is dead, not to mention self-pride in young pregnancies and lack of proper financial security that they are bringing their own child into that unstable life. I believe that humans make choices and decisions, some may be wrong to outsiders but we all have the chance to reap what we sew and make our own lives and perhaps make mistakes. I am not perfect, I have never been perfect and Carlisle's love for me is now, still tainted by the little doubt in my soul because of how much I truly deserve him. How his life may have been different if he and I had parted ways and he had married someone else and had a family without me. Bella was going to make something of herself and I wanted to have her prove her mother wrong, she had the natural care inside her the same way that I do and God help my son if he ever hurts her in any way.

I may be his mother, but that was going to be put to one side if that young woman suffered anymore from the fate of undeserving and horrible individuals in the world.

Her goodness is too important to take for granted.

~~**~Bella~**~~

Edward was breathing heavily, his warm arms wrapped around me, even in the haven that his arms gave me, I was too concerned about Carlisle's coming home and what Esme was going to think. Not waking him, I gently manoeuvred myself from his hold and put on my dressing gown, the winter weather outside getting colder and colder by every passing day proving to have an effect on my natural warmth, I put on my slippers and headed downstairs, the hallway quiet as I stepped out into it. Luckily, this house did not make noise so much as my own had done, I could never walk downstairs to get a drink without my mother thinking the worst, in this house it was easier.

Once down the stairs, I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cupboard, I thought seeing as I had not been able to sleep and listening to Edward's slumber I could sit down here. The kitchen was so strange when there was no one in there, because Esme was pretty much glued to the kitchen being such a fantastic cook she excelled in the therapeutic techniques that cooking can bring. As it was her birthday, I did want to get her something more than a dingy little present, perhaps a beautiful bunch of flowers where Edward and Emmett chipped in to get as well to place in the house or something else that no amount of money can buy. Love.

There had always been doubt placed in my head the moment I hung up the phone to Carlisle's boss, I was too consumed with how Esme may be feeling that my pondering tonight and into the early hours, now were focused on Carlisle. What if he didn't want to come home because of the amount of work that kept him away, work no matter how much can always come back and be there when we don't want it and perhaps he might not be able to? What could _we_ do to make Esme's birthday better when she did not have the one person on this planet she cared about more with her. Their love is timeless, and I wanted so much to have that love when it comes to marriage and having a family. In a small way, I am jealous of how they show they can face the world together, being thousands of miles apart as well. That was a strain on any relationship and I was no stranger to the hardness of being away from someone there is so much love in your heart for. I wanted Esme to have her day complete and her sons and I will never be able to make her day, complete. As hard as that may be to admit. When a person is in love, the person they love is all that surrounds their minds and their subconscious – nothing will be the same as Carlisle being here and I hoped to God in my insomnia that he could come home.

The ticking of the clock on the wall was the only sound in the room to comfort me, it had just gone five am and I did not feel one bit of difference in not sleeping at all. I sipped my water as I sat at the breakfast bar quietly letting my head play like a CD on loop going over the same things, the same feelings and the same situations that had been thrown at me, recently.

I started off as the 'new girl' who everyone avoided. To the 'bet girl' where people were paying to talk and to possibly sleep with me and now I can finally be 'Bella'. The girl I had always wanted to be, I never wanted to end up like my mother and I had always looked at my dad and desired to be like him. Now that my mother was playing happy families with a drug-addict who had no goals, I was free to give my heart to Edward considering the nature of how we came to speak and how we got to know one another. Without the bet, looking back now we would not have gotten to know each other in the same way, I would have been racked with nerves and the threatening of my blush at the embarrassment of being near the infamous Edward Cullen. Others treated him like a God, yes he is a God but not in the way that he has been perceived. Edward was a God because he had turned himself around, that takes strength and courage and of course he was outside of his comfort zone when he became involved with me because of my being the cheese against his chalk in personality. Girls can think that our relationship is impossible, but I don't. Edward had waited for me to open-up, technically he was still letting me have some time before we ventured on the journey of sex and intimacy and his patience only made my want grow. Time can allow a person to convince themselves that giving away their one virtue that can never be taken back, again is the right decision. The feeling always had to be mutual, I wanted to be in love and yes, my age may show that being a 'late bloomer' is a matter of comical opportunities for outsiders but, love isn't funny. I am in love with Edward and my wanting him is now not something I can never regret or feel ashamed about. The past is the past and, we have become stronger and yes, there is a part of me that believes he may leave but, for that one night we could be together as one, physically, emotionally and psychologically. Those were the moments that life is made of, the true acts of love between two people. Corny. I may be but love can make us turn into slushy individuals at the best of times.

No one can deny that.

Taking the final sip of my drink, I looked up and noticed that Edward was looking at me from the living room, he had his usual oh so sexy morning hair that my hands always itched to lace through and latch on to – however under his hair was a questionable expression also shadowed by the heavy eyes that signalled his waking up to find my place in his bed, empty.

"Bell, are you okay?" he whispered, his voice deep and sleepy – he could talk to me like that any hour of any day, that voice was music to my ears not to mention that care that came through the sound as well.

"Yes," I whispered back. At my response, Edward walked into the kitchen, he had a shirt on which was tight enough for the muscles on his torso to take shape and I suddenly felt envy at the fabric that clung so closely to the man I loved. I wanted nothing more than to rip the shirt away and run my hands along the softness of his skin, already knowing full well about the velvet quality of his skin from kissing his neck. I was goggling at him when he wanted to ask me what was going on in my head. Yes, he _is_ spot-on when he mentions that I spend too much time thinking but insomnia can do that to a person.

His arms a wound around me from behind, my body instantly warming up under his touch. The two of us said nothing in that moment, just combining our bodies and breathing in the closeness, I instantly relaxed under him even though I hadn't been away from him for any considerable amount of time, his lips found my neck and I was powerless to resist, the quietness of the kitchen and in the house, altogether made me feel like Edward and I were the only two people in the world who mattered.

"Speak to me, my love," the faint whisper from Edward made me melt even closer into his chest, I didn't mind that there was a sudden ache in my hips to rotate – he was distracting me, I couldn't even identify what was happening to my body let alone form a sentence.

"I can't, you're making that impossible," I breathed, not hiding the desire in my voice for his lips to continue their trail down to my chest, his hair brushing against my cheeks as my head tilted further and further backward.

"Hmm the things you do to me, Bell. The things you make me want to do,"

"What do you want to do, Edward?" The un-desiring Bella may not have wished to not go forward with this conversation but with Edward's arousal came a little confidence inside me that he was not the sole one in our relationship to turn my knees into jelly and have my soul beg to be close to him.

"I want you so badly, to kiss, touch and feel every inch of your incredible body," A moan escaped but I was too far into the haze to notice my sound or movement, he controlled me and the ache in my legs began to cause me stress.

"I want you too, Edward...Just to feel you, to become one with you," Edward moaned loudly at my words, I suddenly found myself getting better at speaking about my need with him. Now that nearly all doubt had been erased from being with him. I mean, looking at Edward made me feel most of the time that there was no competition, especially when he was with girls like Rosalie and Tanya who made their lives around looking good. I had never even put mascara on my eyes, heaven forbid that I become famous because then I could have someone do it for me and actually make my face look somewhat decent. I pulled myself off of the stool, Edward's mouth leaving my skin and instantly making my soul ache because of how much I needed him to take off my clothes. I know, so not like the old me and the way I thought. I never believed that there was an opportunity for me to feel this, today was all about Esme, though. The last thing Edward and I needed was to have Carlisle walk in on a little show pre-adult entertainment especially when the act concerned his own son.

"Bell, did I hurt you?" Edward asked, I grabbed my glass needing not to have an excuse of my abrupt decision to take myself away from my arousal.

"No, Esme keeps this room so pristine and, I doubt she will want a used glass dirtying up the place,"

"Bell, you can always put that in the dishwasher," Edward did have a point – however, I did want to hit myself at forgetting that but when he worked his magic, I barely understood English.

"Yeah, must be the whole not-sleeping thing catching up on me," I laughed nervously instantly covering my mouth to keep the noise down. I felt Edward's eyes burn the back of my head and as I balanced the glass on the draining board. "I better be getting back upstairs, I may as well have a bath or something seeing as the bed clearly hates me,"

"Bell, please don't be nervous about my father coming back. Besides, he wouldn't be coming back on mum's birthday if it wasn't for you,"

"Yeah my interfering, what if he is angry being taken out early?"

"My father is never going to turn down a chance to be with my mother, come on Bell they love one another and Emmet and I know that better than anyone,"

"Great well you should get back to bed, too. Since when has my Edward ever seen before twelve except on a school day?" As I turned to the side and walked to the door, Edward's arms stopped me wrapping around my stomach.

"Do you want me, Bell?" he whispered, his breath tickling my ear. I was astonished at his question, on instinct I turned around to face him.

"Yes, I do Edward. My wanting you makes me want to run away,"

"Why?"

"Two reasons, one is your father walking through the door at any given moment and watching his son about to...With...Anyway, the second is your mum. It's her birthday,"

"Is that all?"

"Yes, Edward. That's all. Go back to sleep, baby. We're downstairs and Cosmo isn't even awake it must be a difficult hour."

"Come to bed with me, Bell. I want to hold you,"

"I will make some breakfast at seven, all I need is to stay awake for a couple of hours, besides there is some washing screaming for my attention," I wriggled out of his grasp and pretty much power walked up the stairs before he did and got to the guest room, finding out once I walked into the room that Cosmo was sleeping soundly in my unused bed and that the door helped give me some support when I felt to the floor my head falling into my hands. Could I have been anymore stupid? Now I was running away from Edward like he was the plague and I could not tell him that it was the doubt that I thought had gone away. The doubt not so much about my appearance anymore thanks to his comment of my body but now it was the doubt of myself performing the intimacy that I wanted. Hello, no experience and hello the fear that my body was not reacting rightly whenever I experienced the desire that Edward brought out in me. How was I supposed to know whether I could manage to perform with Edward? See, I say perform when in reality there is nothing to perform, performers remind me of actors and actors get paid for being other people for a certain amount of time. I was not going to act with Edward, how can someone act sex? Perhaps a virgin who knows nothing, _hello finger pointing right at my face!_

Climbing up from the carpet, liking the fact that my hands had tugged enough on the roots of my hair to take the anger away until the heat of the bath took me over, luckily the bathroom was only at the end of the corridor so there was enough time to walk the distance without having any distractions. I crept out into the hallway again and headed to the bathroom, closing the door and pulling the lock before turning on the light. I breathed a sigh of relief in being alone and pulled my towels from the radiator, the shower made too much noise at this time of the morning, which was the quicker option.

Instead, I ran the water and poured in a small tad of my bubble bath, which was my own bottle and let the bubbles grow in the water.

~~**~Emmett~**~~

At the sound of my alarm at half past seven, I woke from the first deep sleep in forever and unlike in the past when Edward or my mother had thrown water on me to see before one in the afternoon I managed to get up early thanks to the job that requires me to be at the football club before midday. Besides, with the day being my mum's birthday I thought it was only fair to keep to my new persona and make her a cup of tea. I had already planned to get a delivery of pink roses sent here to the house, this was before my father was coming home to complete her day and I wanted to get her a little something for putting up with mine and Edward's shit for so long. Someone was down in the kitchen and throwing on some trackies and a sweatshirt; I walked down the stairs and almost ran at the sudden smell of bacon and sausages and the accompanying sound of the frying pan. Why was mum cooking on her birthday? Why did she have to insist on making our breakfast even when she was supposed to have a day with the sofa and with my father waiting on her hand and foot. As she had done so much for all of us, now was the time for Edward and me to help her out with the day as well. Which is what I planned to do once I came home today at three.

I peered around the kitchen door and saw Bella cooking, her humming drowned out from the cooking in the pan and the sight almost bowled me over. Since when had she cooked? That wasn't a thought of pure confusion because, the girl was probably full of many surprised to anyone who happens to know her but, her cooking breakfast reminded me so much of mum.

"Morning, Emmett," she said loudly as she caught sight of me. "I was just cooking something for your mum, kind of hoping she was going to come down at this point because...This is all going to burn if I don't turn off the hob,"

"I came down here to make some tea, I have to work,"

"Wow seeing this hour must be tough. Don't ever lose your sleep, being a natural restless person can take its toll, would you like some of this?"

"Please if that's alright,"

"No problem. I made enough for four people, well five really but I can always put the extra portion in the fridge so that someone can heat it up, again. Shall I flip on the kettle?"

"Yeah, I'll take her tea up and then have something, are you going to eat with me?"

"Sure why not? Can I make you a drink?"

"Just some juice, please." I couldn't stop smiling; Bella was so caring that her presence in the room may as well belong to my mother. No wonder they both liked each other so much, if they were identical then they'd both be twins inside and out. Edward was a lucky bastard and he needed to hold on to her, she was the best thing that has happened to this family in a long time. Bella flipped the kettle and I grabbed my mum's favourite mug from the cupboard, the mug that she only used in the mornings, anyway. Some things had not escaped my memory in the years of being an absolute wanker. "So how did you sleep?" I asked making conversation, she turned off the hob and started loading two plates.

"I didn't. Been so preoccupied with inviting your father home that, well worrying got in the way,"

"Don't be worried, dad would always come home for mum and now he has you to thank for that this time around,"

"Emmett. Will it be weird?"

"What?"

"My being here in the house? Last time your father left I wasn't here and considering that the rest of you are all tied by blood, I suddenly feel like an outsider,"

"Dad's always liked you Bella. The Swans were a hit with both my parents and, mum has shown kindness that I have never seen her give anyone outside of her family. That is rare, Bella. She already thinks of you as a daughter,"

"I wish she was my mother,"

"In a way that would be gross because Edward and you-"

"Oh yeah well if we were related by blood then I can take our relationship off of the cards can't I?"

"Yeah."

"So, what's happening with you and Tor?"

"Ah I wondered when this little talk was going to happen. Like I said yesterday, Bella we are talking now and I can't say friendship because we are not that fond of each other,"

"Oh come on there is something else there. I am a girl and there is a very thin line between love and hate. Tor, outside of her transformation into a cow recently never has a bad thing to say about anyone. It is not her nature to judge,"

"I'd judge me,"

"The past is the past, Em. Now you're making up for lost time," the kettle clicked and Bella shifted to the side creating enough room for me to make the tea. "A birthday can always bring even the most disagreeable family into civilisation."

"I hope that we can stay like this, anyway. I have never really noticed her in school before and I feel bad because there seems to be a soul in there, somewhere,"

"Trust me there is. However it is a very insecure one. Tor is very personal, but she is also unhappy with the way her life is going even before now when her mother is ill to add to the shit. Do you wonder why she made out with Jacob at the party?"

"What party?"

"Rose's party. Tor got drunk, well _Jacob_ got her drunk and he made out with her, of course being who he is he wanted to do more than that, Edward and I found her unconscious with her blouse still open from when he attempted to touch her. In her drunken haze lord knows where that little encounter would have gone,"

_What the fuck?_

_How did I not hear about this?_

"Emmett. Calm down you were with your crowd,"

"Fucking hell, Bella. Was she alright?"

"Just a hangover, Edward and I took her home. I am not surprised that he never told you about that,"

"No he didn't. Oh my God why was I such an idiot?" Throwing the teabag in the bin, Bella placed a hand on my shoulder the gesture was small but comforting enough to slow down my gradual increase in breathing.

"Nothing that has happened can be changed, but there is a chance to redeem yourself which is what Edward has done and now you have done, too. Just please be weary around Tor, her unhappiness can make her mood a little temperamental,"

"Don't worry I will."

As I went to give mum her tea, I made a mental note to speak to Tor about this.

Jacob Black had always been a fucker, but that was too far even for the old me.

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Hello baby,"

I watched my mother wake up from her sleep, I hadn't been in the room long but I seemed to be the first person to come and wish her a happy birthday. "How long have you been there, sweetheart?"

"Sorry, I just came to wish you happy birthday,"

"Thank you my darling. Oh God are you hungry, shall I make some breakfast," I stopped her getting up by putting my hand on hers.

"Bella's making breakfast, please stay here. Emmett will be bringing up some tea at some point; I actually want to ask something,"

"Of course what is it?"

"Well. As in the past, there has been the fact come out about how you lost your virginity to dad and, as much as I don't want to think about it. I am worried about Bella,"

"Bella is a-"

"Yes and, being with me comes with the fact that I have had experience. There are moments when my need for her grows and she has shown me that she desires me, as well but...I get the impression that fear comes into play,"

"That's natural my darling. Bella's feelings are on overload, and lack of experience can create doubt. I was worried about what might happen, there was the issue of pain from the stories that had been going around. I cannot speak about whether it will be painful for Bella because everyone is different. Just be fragile with her my boy, a person like that only comes around in a blue moon,"

"I love her so much, mum. The idea of hurting her is just unbearable,"

"The pain will be natural if it comes along. Just go easy and tread gently, the moment could be lost for a few moments,"

"Thanks mum. By the way, can we not mention this conversation to anyone?"

"I won't say anything. I have to say that I am happy you want to finally appreciate what being with someone is like when you're in love with them,"

"It's different. There's no one else who I want to do those things with, really feel what is happening you know?"

"Yes I do know. Believe me, there is nothing more special than loving someone and having it be a mutual desire. That is what love is, Edward. Not sex but true intimacy, trust and connection – life's best medicine."

"Good morning one and all!" Having Emmett enter the room and practically sing a greeting did surprise me a tad. The guy had never been a morning person, something signalled in my head that he must have been talking with Bella. The girl could make the hardest heart crumble.

"Hello Emmett, darling,"

"Happy birthday, mum!" he exclaimed putting mum's morning tea on the bedside table and giving her a kiss. Wow, the universe really had changed for the better!

"Someone's chirpy this morning. Is it true that Bella is making breakfast?"

"Yeah for all of us and the smell is close enough to yours, mum,"

"Oh I wish she wouldn't do that,"

"Bella wanted to, mum. Believe me when she gets an idea in her head there is no stopping her." I interrupted, listening to mum's defeated sigh. Both she and Bella were now going to be forces that now made the feminines equal to the masculines. Emmet, dad and I had no chance and I loved that.

~~**~Bella~**~~

I was a little hesitant to answer the door when the knocks reached my ears, seeing as I lived here, too I may as well start to show people on the outside world. I was greeted by a man in a cap with a large bunch of flowers in his hands.

"Good morning love. Is this the Cullen residence?"

"Yes,"

"Can you sign for these, please?" Using his other hand, he held out a machine with a little pen attached to the side, now delivery had modernized everything was done by computer which meant that a person's signature no matter how neat they wrote them looked horrible. I signed only my initials and took the bunch. Emmett or Edward must have ordered them, either that or Carlisle as there was a little birthday card hidden inside the paper.

Using my foot to close the front door, I instantly went up the stairs and knocked on Esme's bedroom door. Feeling a little strange of playing the person who bore flowers and walked in, seeing her surrounded by her two sons by her side. That must have been a rare sight and I didn't want to intrude but unfortunately, I had already made my presence known.

"Oh Bella, those are beautiful!" Esme said covering her mouth with her hands. I walked in, keeping my eyes on her.

"Happy birthday, Esme." I said allowing her to sit up resting her back against the bed frame and take the flowers in her hands. In awe, I watched as she smelt the blooms and sigh contently, I had never received flowers but in honesty I was beginning to see the attraction.

"Who do I have to thank for these?" she pulled out the card and I folded my arms at the foot of the bed. "Oh my darlings thank you!" She kissed her sons in turn and, not wanting to spoil anything else I walked out of the door before the chance to have a kiss came my way. This was a day for the family and my being here already made that a problem.

Ignoring my breakfast, I took Cosmo's lead and shook it gently; moments later he had appeared, bounding down the stairs from his sleep on my bed. It had been a long time since I had walked my dog and it seemed only right that Esme have her moment with her sons on her special day.

I walked out of the front door once Cosmo was attached and closed it behind me, thankful to be at one with the fresh air and away from the smell of the breakfast I had made.

~~**~Edward~**~~

"That poor girl." mum said. Bella had left the room so fast that it had knocked the change into of all of us. My Bell was strange this morning, she had left my side in bed and when I wanted, ached to be close to her in the moment of being alone she had taken herself away from me. I had spoken with my mum because her fear linked well with the abruptness of her stopping my worship of her body. Believed me, I wanted to go so much further but at the same time, I appreciated how hesitant she may be feeling.

I had never wanted to be with someone so much, the feelings were all new to me and of course people had taken my virginity but I had never taken anyone else's, personally. To Bella, that was the ultimate show of her trust and heart into another person.

I didn't want it to hurt her, I did not want to be the reason she felt pain but when she became distant there was nothing I could possibly do. My girl had always endured problems on her own and been so selfless that now, as I yearned for her to tell me what was going on in her over-active mind she could not do it. The habit was too normal.

Emmett went out of the room and I followed suit, needing to have some way of finding time today to really speak with her. I didn't want her to fear me, to fear the idea of making love with me because lord above kill me now if I were to intentionally hurt her in any way shape or form. Bella was the light of my life, and when she backed away like today I feared so much to lose her.

"Give Bella time, Edward. This whole living adapting will take its toll," Emmett said as we both walked into the kitchen. Bella's coat was not on the rack and I immediately knew that she had gone out, no doubt with Cosmo to escape. My brother tucked into the breakfast that she had made for us as I put the leftovers in the fridge.

"I know. I just wish she spoke to me, sometimes you know?"

"Edward, why didn't you tell me that Jacob had made a move on Tor at Rose's party?" The question was a little left-field, however I had to answer.

"Bella and I wanted to keep it quiet. Besides he never touched her, again,"

"I want to speak with her about it,"

"No Em. Don't. That's opening up a whole different can of worms,"

"I want to make things right with this girl, Edward. No wonder she is unhappy when guys treat her like that, the same way that I used to treat girls,"

"You didn't even know each other back then,"

"No but...Whatever happens from now on. Please tell me,"

"Alright Emmett I will."

~~**~Carlisle~**~~

*(Afternoon)*

I climbed out of the taxi. The flight back home has always been a hardship, however I was back for my darling Esme's birthday and I so longed to see her. After paying for the assistance, I grasped her flowers in one hand and my suitcase in the other and walked up to the house. No matter how long I have been working away, the highlight of my hard work is to walk this very small route to the front door, knowing that the love of my life and my sons were inside.

Bella's actions had been beyond words to have the courage to speak with my boss about my holiday time, her living with us was going to help Esme deal with the rest of the time I have away. Of course what my wife doesn't know is that a pep-talk from my boss yesterday before I caught my flight meant that I had only until May to work before my new position in London started. The promotion allowed me to cover the whole of the Far East when only going away was necessary at shorter times in the year more than now.

Life was about to change, I had only half a year in Australia before I could come back home and spend more time with my family.

"


	55. Rare Connections

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

I wandered around the woods, the same place which many things had happened, where I first met Seth and Nellie and where Edward's first kissed me, before the feelings began.

Cosmo walked along beside me, the open meadow space inches away from me, the only place of solitude and peace that allows a person to gain a new perspective on life.

For me, the meadow was a place to escape, not to mention prevent my fists from punching my own face. Whenever I felt fear, the habit was always to run – can that habit always be with me? No matter how hard I try and let it go?

Edward had been with other girls, hey he was the expert in having girls perform acts on him and not once return the favour to them but how was I to know how to match up? I had seen the male anatomy being a good academic in biology but even looking at them on the crummy textbook _pictures_ made me blush. What was I going to be like with the real deal?

I had no doubt in my mind that Edward was beautiful, his body had not gone unnoticed by my hungry eyes and I suppose that is one of the reasons my fear is turning me into a walking hermit right now. I was self-conscious; I always had been, covering my body up because of other people's remarks. Bigger people get self-conscious but thinner people do, too. I was small in the chest area, that much had been given to me in genetics from mum and there was a fine chance that I'd grow anymore and what was Edward going to think? My imperfections were what made me cover myself up in the first place and, I just didn't realise that sex was such a huge issue in terms of the amount of trust that goes into being unclothed with another person. I love Edward more than my own life, I had the lack of trust in my body because I had not once learnt about what really happens, the blush was too great to risk and that would make me look more like a virgin to anyone observing my attempts at getting a guide. Did sex even come with an instruction manual? Were my instincts right?

Seeing as the ground hadn't been affected by rainfall, I sat down letting the grass provide a nice cushion, releasing Cosmo's lead I watched him run off away into the distance, he was a good enough dog to come back when he was called. Besides he needed more exercise that didn't happen when attached to his lead.

God knows how long I have been out here, I was warm enough and the scenery wasn't bad to look at, either. Look at how far I have come and now what I could potentially be throwing away? When Edward spoke with such lust in his tone, he took my soul with him and on instinct I believed him. Walking away gave me the pondering.

I just didn't know what to do, how I could face these demons? I never wanted to hurt Edward by being secretive but how much of a turn for the books would my revelation be of how much I am scared to be with him. I am guessing that will be a turn-off just on its own.

~~**~Esme~**~~

The vase in our bedroom had been empty for too long now, there was nothing to make up a room than a good bunch of flowers, especially a bouquet so elegant from your sons and your new daughter on a birthday. Bella's departure had worried me, perhaps she was feeling a little out of place in our family but I wanted so much for her to be comfortable here. Bella needed a home, as good and stable as any other person of her age and, well secretly I had always wanted a daughter of my own. Playing dress up, talking about makeup and who the latest crush is. Sometimes, life is more worthwhile when a parent can share all that they know and I would gladly take a bullet for both my sons but I did yearn for a daughter. The opportunity to have another child is off the cards, my sons had been a struggle at the best of times and there were two of them. Carlisle's working away and my job meant that the unpredictability was too much of a burden to then work around looking after a baby. Besides, who's to say that a new child may not be a third son? Carlisle was much more in the zone with Edward and Emmett, despite their rebellious natures that they inherited from my husband – admittedly so. Whereas I was always finding my way to teach them about the ways of the world. After all, there is only a certain amount of advice that can be given to a child when it's it up to them to make and build their own paths. Coddling them is not in my nature, now as it was in the past when both the boys were growing up, as little toddlers and children there was more to say and more to teach. Now, life was up to them. Support and love was there, but not enough to smother them in bubble wrap.

I took one flower out of the bunch, not running the display and humming to the musical I had turned on in the background, I took another inhale of the beautiful blooms' scent and laid down flat on the bed, I had already gotten dressed for my day off and now was contemplating on locking myself away in this room for the rest of my birthday. The flowers were beautiful and Edward's box of chocolates were shouting at me to consume them but, I was still unable to get into the mood of being a year older and having to look back on how many regrets I have about the previous age. When I was younger, the plan to not regret anything in life was definitely a habit of mine but, I did regret sometimes allowing Carlisle to work away because of just how much I yearned for him. Side by side through life's rollercoaster is what we had both always done and, suddenly the loneliness brings the realisation that life isn't always so sweet when one has no one to share it with.

I was so very tired, only dozing before Edward came in to talk to me. I was surprised that he had now wished to have my input, as my youngest had always taken situations independently and made his own choices, as of course a young adult should do. I wanted to wrap my arms around him in my self-pride as he indicated the love he has for Bella in his eyes. I knew that look better than anyone and he may not have to speak about the extent of his love in words but the feelings and emotions are written all over his face and deep in his eyes. Bella had done so much for him; now the idea of moving forward with someone who has never had the chance is, deemed difficult. I felt bad in not having the ability to give Edward a straight answer, because I was in the exact same place as Bella with Carlisle. The night was so incredibly special and it is a memory that will always be in my mind for as long as I live but, I had experienced pain and discomfort. The pain ruined the moment of course for a few minutes but the gaining had been so much more beneficial and the act of having sex for the first time weighed up more of an advantage than a disadvantage. I trusted Carlisle and made the right decision to not become intimate with a man until I knew, deep down for sure that they were the right one. As a young girl, I am not ashamed to admit that I wanted real love, a deep and long-lasting love that could become a story for my children to pass onto their own children someday in the future. As fate would have it that is what I had and _still_ have. I am incredibly blessed in that way.

As the song 'Singing in the rain' came on, the memorable scene of Gene Kelly in the rain with brown tap shoes, it was not in me to fight humming along turning the rose around and keeping my eyes on the deepness of the colour. Emmett had only known for a while that I liked roses but the fact that he remembered did make my heart soar a little in my chest. My boys really were turning a corner – it was a small transition but it was working. I owed a lot to Bella for always.

Gene Kelly sung away the silence in the room and my legs tapped as they balanced against the mattress and the end of the bed along with the soft beat and the tapping of his shoes.

"Remind me to thank Gene Kelly for this sight," _I knew that voice!_ I spun my head around and saw Carlisle, my darling husband standing at the door. I didn't know then whether I was still sleeping or whether his actual presence in the doorway was real but, my legs moved before my brain could fathom what was going on and I knelt down on the bed, Carlisle's hand came up to stop my jumping off the bed and embody myself in his arms altogether. I observed, my breathing escalating at the most alarming rate as he moved closer and closer, thinning the gap between us and one of his long fingers stroked a petal of the rose in my hand and then reached out to cup the side of my face.

_Oh god he really is here!_

_How is this even possible?_

"How?" I squeaked but Carlisle stopped my questions with his mouth, bringing me into his loving embrace our chests reuniting together, my own arms wrapping around his shoulders. I melted into him, the warmth from his skin through the thin fabric of his shirt, his smell reaching my nose and surrounding me in the beauty of my Carlisle.

"Oh Esme, I have missed you so much," his dangerous lips moved to my neck, my head tilting back in response one of my hands winding into his hair.

"How have you managed to come back, oh my darling how is this possible?" The words from my words defeated the real meaning behind them, my lust, passion and arousal taking over. Carlisle had managed to make me want him from the moment we met and years later, my need for my husband never ceased.

"You have a very special new 'daughter'," he answered, nibbling on my earlobe bringing another wave of desire through my skin. Using my other hand, I lifted his head up, our eyes meeting.

"Bella?"

"Bella had a word with my boss, describing your situation. My Esme, why didn't you call me?"

"I know you're busy at work, my love. The last thing I want is to disturb you,"

"How many times do I have to say that ringing me at work is not an issue?"

"I'm sorry, I missed you so much and now that you're here on my birthday, Bella has done this for me,"

"She did this for us. I would have come home, if only you told me,"

"Never mind about that. Oh my sweetheart, I love you so much...Your being here is not going to get you in any trouble with your boss is it?"

"No baby. I want to be here to celebrate your birthday; there is a bunch of flowers downstairs with your name on it,"

"That makes two, today,"

"The boys brought you flowers?"

"Trust me, Bella is working miracles,"

"I love you, Esme...I am here, now," Carlisle whispered lovingly his lips moving to my eyelids, the vibrations from his moans sending sensations right to the very bottom of my feet and to the top of my head.

"Hmm, Carlisle, I know what I want for my birthday present?"

"What's that?"

"I want the love of my life to make love to me." I whispered kissing his forehead, our eyes met again and with one loving smile Carlisle began worshipping my neck, making quick work of removing my top from my torso.

Yes, this is one present that I will remember for a very long time.

~~**~Edward~**~~

I began to breathe hard, starting to panic.

Bella hadn't come back and my father was already in the house due to the suitcase he left downstairs, Emmett had gone to work surprisingly early and now I was lost as to what to do. I worried for Bella, I worried because of her mind and how she ponders too much on things and becomes more stressed when she really had not anything to worry about in the first place. I can't really talk, over analyzing and thinking weren't really part of my forte and perhaps that had been my problem of late – not really planning ahead, just going with the flow. Sometimes that works out a disadvantage to a situation not the right choice.

I sat down on my bed, eyeing up the latest composition I had written for Bella beside me on the duvet cover, she had been the sudden inspiration to my musical pieces since she came into my life. Now I had fallen so deeply in love with her – music seemed like the best way to vent it all out. Power than words, sometimes. Of course she had no recollection of the piece, only the old compositions that I did not take off my iPod. Job searching had come to a grinding halt, thanks to the country's economic climate, people were losing their jobs left right and centre and there was no chance to get any at this time. I was contemplating on volunteering, unpaid but it would look good to an employer and to be honest, I need to find some way to fill up the day now that gallivanting and drinking were off of the radar.

Picking up the pencil, I began to look over the notes deciding that my parents needed to have their much needed reunion before dad came in and began to speak to me about what I have been up to. For once, I actually had news outside of 'the usual' now that Bella was a huge part of my life and there was purpose to be happy now. Before then, to rid my head of the panic I made some use of my time, wondering about when to get my bottom on the piano stool downstairs, my piano had been gathering dust for many years up until now. My parents knew and were the ones that sent me to lessons when I was a child, but they missed it deep down especially my mum because of her musical influenced mind. Any music is heaven to her.

I had written down one change to a note on the sheet and decided then to get out of the house; I was not going to leave Bella alone when she was in some kind of troubled state. I wanted so much for her to be honest with me, being a man gave me the instant flaw of the non-reading of women's minds. To be honest, how I have treated girls over the past years I was lucky that I wasn't able to see in their heads. I grabbed my coat from the hooks downstairs, remembering to take the spare front door key as I stepped out.

I knew of one place that meant anything to Bella. A place that she would go to in anguish.

I just wanted her to be okay.

Please be okay.

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Don't worry, baby we will go back soon,"

I had repeated the same comment to Cosmo for the past ten minutes but hadn't moved from my spot on the grass. He was clearly getting bored now, running the perimeter of the meadow and not having any real means to escape and had started bothering me. _So much for the peace I desired._

The air gave me comfort, it was not cold but not hot – just the right temperature that I could expect being British and this kind of day made life look beautiful. Peace made life look ten times better without the business and stress of London. I have been there once, and trust me I have no desire to go back there any time in the near future.

Here I was, on my own thinking about London when I had clearly decided not to communicate anything to Edward. They say that communication is key to a relationship and, being in a relationship was making me look like a failure. I was always scared of something, not to plan ahead in case something or someone comes along and botches it up. What kind of a person am I if I am spending my life worrying about situations? Situations that hadn't even happened, yet.

Sex was scary, I was afraid of sex...Geez maybe even sex was afraid of me, who knows? I just believe inside that everything I get close to, to touch will disappear and fade away. Edward has been with people, people have been servicing on him but would he expect that of me? Was I making him look like someone he isn't when I ask myself that question? Edward had told me he wanted me, straight from the horse's mouth, what other proof do I need? A demonstration video? A whiteboard with a chart on the dos and don'ts of personal life?

What the hell is wrong with me? I love Edward, more so than I have ever loved anyone, being in love just on its own is a complete surprise to me but wouldn't someone hold on to that love with both hands and never once allow another to take it away from them? My fear and doubt was driving a wedge between us and honestly, made me look insane. I loved him, what more incentive do I need? Will my body be enough, will it work? I sound like a little child not knowing the answer to a question a stroppy teacher asks. It's that kind of fear and wanting to hide that is present and matches. I was an adult, I wasn't acting like one. Was I worrying over nothing?

_Bella stop analyzing everything!_

What would life be if everything was planned, or even given to us in our laps without any strings? I desired more than anything to be loved and now I was, what was I doing sitting here when there was a stunning guy at home waiting for me to come back, someone to go back home to. That was the main point – not many people are blessed in such a way to have someone they can go home to every night and chat to for hours on end about absolutely anything and have the person they love listen to every little detail.

"I thought you might be here,"

_Of course he was going to come after me, now I have caused a panic! Jesus, I need help!_

"Sorry Edward, I was just about to head back,"

"Yeah how long have you been thinking that?" he joked taking a spot beside me. "I can see why you love this place so much,"

"Yeah kind of allows me to think on life in a gorgeous setting. Is your dad home?"

"Only just,"

"I'm pleased for Esme. I know she has missed him,"

"Bella...What's going on? What has got you so stressed that you have to come here and think on your own? I don't want you to ever be alone,"

"I'm sorry"

"Stop apologizing. Bell, you can talk to me about anything, I won't laugh,"

"Believe me. You will."

"Try me,"

I looked over at him and leant my body towards him, letting my head rest on his chest as he wrapped one arm around me, placing a tender kiss on my hair. "I have been thinking about...Sex."

"Ah,"

"I am scared, Edward. I know I shouldn't be because, this whole love thing I mean they're not wrong when they can say that the idea of it is special without actually performing anything. Or at least that's what I heard once,"

"Bell its okay. To be honest, I am a little scared, too,"

"You are? Oh God I don't mean that how it sounds,"

"No that's okay. You're right in that, a girl has never come close to meaning so much to me and, I have never really made love to anyone...Ever and frankly, I didn't even believe in 'making love' because when people used to speak of it they would go to all lengths of cheesy and corny in their description. Now, there is a chance for me to finally appreciate a woman inside and out of their clothing, to have each other in the most special and personal way. The trust issue, I mean it's huge,"

"I do trust you. I am afraid that by speaking of these things, then it shows that I don't have the faintest idea because I don't,"

"I know Bell. Please my love don't be afraid to tell me...You're never going to sound silly at least never to me. The idea of hurting any part of your body kills me, but the reality is that it might hurt – but it's not something we can't get through together,"

"I don't mean to shut you out, Edward. I must be a nightmare to understand, I barely understand myself half the time,"

"It's all a part of my being in love with you. Jesus, Bell you're the only girl who I have ever loved and I want to hold on to you for a long time. Chances like this don't come around, look at my parents – they have one of the best long-lasting marriages on the planet but they were incredibly lucky to find that connection so young,"

"I love you, Edward. I love you for being patient with me and I really want this, but doubt always cloud my sense and then I turn into this, a hermit who happens to like landscape scenery,"

"Never a hermit, Bell. Besides this place is special, because this was the place in which I realised that my feelings were stronger for you than what I originally thought,"

"Me too."

"Then we both share something special here. I want you, Bella and I'll wait...No matter how long for you to really trust me. I have been an arsehole in the past and I can't be that person, again not now when my life is worth living and I have something that no other money or conquest can buy,"

"You can never be that person, Edward. I couldn't love that person, I trust this Edward,"

"I love you, Bella. Please understand that even if we never have sex, my love for you will never die. Now look who is cheesy,"

"No sweetheart, cheesy is good. Only in small doses. I promise to let you in, more,"

"You have always had to deal with things on your own, I accept that,"

"Thank you,"

"My parents are having a little reunion so...We should really be heading back before my mother sense out a search party,"

"Why did you come and find me?"

"I wanted to come, I mean honestly I did want to give you your space but...I have left you on your own when you have felt disorientated before and that was a wrong decision. Besides, my right as a boyfriend is to be nosey and to fight for us whenever there is need to. Those girls in school will never be able to speak about true love and what comes with that feeling. Never appreciate what _I_ have, I see it now. Took me too long,"

"Ssh. Stop doubting yourself, I know how far you've come,"

"You have come further. You have strength to deal with all of this, but can you do me a favour?"

"Of course, anything."

"Can you at least consider letting me love you, completely?"

"Yes, Edward. I want it so very much and I want to love you back,"

"The fact that you love me, now after such a small amount of time means enough,"

~~**~Emmett~**~~

"Tor, I need a word," I took Victoria's hand, thankful that she was early like me. If I was going to ask her these questions it needed to be done now, before any footballs land on my head for bad behaviour.

"Emmett, what are you doing? How many times do I have to say don't call me that?" I closed the door to the changing room, thankful for the quiet and rare chance of interruption.

"Why did you let Jacob Black get you drunk at Rosalie's party?"

"What?" Tor looked at me, her face turning from normal to agape in milliseconds.

"I heard about what went down with you, Bella and my brother. Why didn't you tell anyone else what happened?"

"It's no one's business and, I happen to like drink,"

"Jacob can't be trusted, the bloke swings from men to women whenever he feels like it. He's greedy,"

"Don't speak about your friend like that,"

"He's not my friend!"

"He _was_? Anyway, what does any of it matter, I was drunk and I made a mistake. People are allowed to make mistakes,"

"Not when they get into the claws of Jacob Black, the man is verging on psychotic,"

"No one else was there coming to my rescue. Besides, who's going to believe me over him? I was drunk and he was sober, points to the popular guy,"

"I would have helped you,"

"I doubt that very much,"

"I wasn't always immune to feeling, Victoria,"

"Your feelings circulated around Rosalie, if she had told me that I was lying then you would have believed her...Hook line and sinker. Or am I wrong?"

"That shit is fucked up and you know it,"

"Oh what and you haven't done any fucked up shit? Emmett, I drink to escape...Perhaps it was nice for one second to know that I was wanted, sexually by a man. I would have done it, as well. Blow out any morals or self-pride because I am so incredibly lonely. Is that what you wanted, Cullen...A good old confession with a side of victim because that is what you have. Shall I bear my soul even more?"

"I didn't come here to make you do that,"

"You wanted an answer...You've got one. That's what people do when they are lonely, when there is no one else outside of their family who love them; did Bella tell you my insecurities?"

"No – she just said that she cares about you,"

"Yes and she was the only one that did. Come on, like Jacob Black would have thought about me twice when I was sober the next day. No longer the virgin geek, would that have made a reputation?"

"Tor. I'm sorry, okay. I was shocked when I found out,"

"Why are you shocked about my business?"

"I care,"

"Oh please. The day you start caring is the day I shave off all my hair. Emmett, you haven't cared about anyone but yourself for years so don't try that shit with me!"

"Fine...Okay. I am an arsehole, I was a complete and utter idiot who only thought of his self-worth...Don't you think I know that? Why do you think I am making amends?"

"How am I supposed to know? Don't start caring when you never did, before. I don't need pity and I don't need sympathy...I allowed myself to get drunk, being drunk makes all the pain of my personal life float away, makes me numb. I would have that feeling again any day no matter what kind of situations I'd tangle in a web,"

"You don't mean that,"

"What makes you so sure you know me?"

"Victoria, you're not like other girls. In actual fact you're more similar to Bella than I realised...I know that there is a part of you that wants something more,"

"I don't want to speak about this with you,"

"Well you're going to have to because I am not moving and the other entrance is locked,"

"What is this, a lock in?"

"If that is what it comes down to,"

"Why...Why are you doing this to me? Why is there not another girl that has more time and that can give you what you want?"

"I am not like that, anymore. I like talking; you seem to be the only person who I can talk to,"

"Maybe I don't want to talk. Do you want to find out everything about me so that there can be a new topic of discussion with your circle? Is that what this is?"

"No, I am never going to go back to them. Those people will never be my friends,"

"Then what is the catch?"

"There isn't one,"

"How can I trust a word you say?"

"I don't know. Just go with your heart, I imagine."

~~**~Bella~**~~

As Edward and I stepped back in the house, hand in hand. Carlisle was coming down the stairs at the exact moment greeting us with a smile.

"Hello Edward, Bella,"

"Hi Dad,"

"Hi Carlisle, how was your trip?"

"I am not one for plane food. I can't wait to start cooking, how was your day?"

"Fine, listen dad I am going to go and take a shower, I'll see you in a minute." Edward kissed me on the cheek and left without a backward glance. I was a little confused.

"Have I done something wrong?" Carlisle asked, regret in his voice.

"No, we had a big discussion about some things, he probably needs to have some time on his own," to be honest outside of making that excuse, I didn't know the answer.

"Oh. I have to admit, I am always relieved to see my sons, and my being away doesn't help,"

"It's not that,"

"Bella please don't make me feel better. I am away more so than most parents and, as much as I hate it...It has to be done. By the way, I have to thank you for a few things,"

"What?"

"Speaking to my boss. That can't have been an easy thing to do, Bella,"

"I did it for Esme. Besides, she has done so much for me; I just want to know that I don't take that care for granted,"

"My wife has grown incredibly fond of her new daughter and I have to admit, I do too,"

"Thank you,"

"Edward is very lucky,"

"Oh I am the lucky one. Not that I doubt myself but, you should be proud of him. He has turned a corner,"

"I am...I hope at some point to tell him that. Are you happy here?"

"Yes and thank you for agreeing to keep me here under your hospitality, I won't be a bother and I am one of those rare girls who like cleaning so I will pay my way once I have a job and earn my keep through chores,"

"There's no need. You have done more for this family than you realise. You have brought us back together, Bella. No amount of housework or rent can change that. Please can you send Edward down to see me when he is out of the shower and dressed?"

"Of course,"

"Welcome to the family, Bella."


	56. Locked Sense

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

"Son, are you okay?"

I had only just stepped out of the shower, fishing for some decent clothes to wear – Bella had been very stressed earlier and luckily for me, I had found a stash of Emmett's money which he had stupidly left in my room and never took back. I was going to give it to him off my own back but, he hadn't asked for it and that was at least three months ago. Yes, the idea was cruel but, I wanted my mum to spend the night with dad whilst I take Bella out.

"Yes, dad," I answered giving up all hope of changing, as he had already stepped inside my room, hands in his pockets. "What's up?"

"I know that our last conversation didn't end on good terms, Edward,"

"Oh the shouting thing...Saying that I was a failure to you as a son, no, dad that has never _once_ my mind," being sarcastic was immature but, what Bella didn't know was that dad had really pissed me off on his last stay here – basically throwing every insult my way and then turning on the victim and self-pity portion of the day. Basically, he insisted on knowing what he had done as a father who provided for the family to be laboured with such a son, like having a bad-behaved child is something that only he has managed to endure. Most teenagers still act the way that I did, I looked like a saint in my _old self_ because I did not go around sniffing drugs, vandalizing public places or attacking people for pure means of power. Now, I looked even better as _me_.

"I am sorry, son. Especially now when it is clear that I was mistaken in ever branding you a failure,"

"Dad you're not the only parent who has misbehaved kids...Not to mention the police knocking on their doorstep. Besides, mum is the one who has had to deal with this. If anyone had the right to call me a burden then it's her, where the hell are _you_ half the time? Your absence from this family doesn't give you the right to tell me what to do!"

"You're right, Edward. I can only put my job down to earning a wage, I hate not being here and now when there has been so many changes going on, instantly I am going to be left out,"

"Well then don't feel so sorry for yourself. I am finding a job right now, ask Emmett because he was looking with me and because there hasn't been any luck yet doesn't mean that you can call me names. I am not going to be like you, dad. Working away, working in your career field isn't for me,"

"I should have suspected that...Your mother is proud of you, not to mention of your brother and Bella respectively. We have had qualms, Edward and many comments and words have been said but, can we wipe the slate clean?"

"Only if you let me do things in my own time, don't come home and put pressure on me,"

"I won't. Now that you have become such a different person I no longer have any means to place pressure on your shoulders or make you feel inferior in any way. Remember, son my words were not so much insults...They came out wrong. I wanted to teach you discipline...Your mother,"

"Mum is fine, now. I understand how cruelly I treated her, but I am making amends, dad. So all of those memories have to be wiped so we can start again,"

"Yes. I am proud of you son."

"Thanks."

I had the sneaky suspicion that this wasn't over. Dad was never a person to wipe anything, he was prone to holding grudges – the stubbornness that Emmett and I both possess comes from him and, this argument was doomed to be brought back up the next time my foot places one step in the wrong direction. I wasn't so worried now about what he thought.

Bella's opinion of me was the most important.

"So are you going to join us for dinner, tonight Edward?"

"Seeing as mum needs the time to spend with you, I wanted to take Bella out...We haven't had a first date yet and mum is never one to have another family dinner. Not since the last one,"

"Good point. I hadn't thought of that. Did you need any money?"

"No, luckily I have some...It's not mine but Emmett's and he owes me for something, anyway,"

"Where are you planning to go?"

"Bluewater, maybe,"

"They have good restaurants there, I'd recommend Carluccios."

"Thanks dad."

"Have a good time, then." He left without another word; I was completely dry at this point no longer in need of the towel around my waist, picking out some old tracksuit bottoms just to get ready in, I was having a girl moment also fishing out my hairdryer, the blame entirely on my own shoulders because of my refusal to cut my hair. Mum usually comes at me with the scissors; however that changed when I changed personality, because running with scissors was bound to cause injury and possible death at that point.

I sat down on the bed, pulling my boxers on and my trousers to follow, taking my pyjama shirt from underneath my pillow. I had bent down and reached for the hairdryer, plugging my extension lead into the wall.

The sudden weight on my bed brought a smile to my face, arms wrapped around my neck, the same soft skin that is my reason for oxygen and my purpose to wake up every day.

"You smell amazing." Bella whispered kissing the moist tips of my hair.

"I was thinking maybe we could go out, tonight, what do you think?"

"What about your mum?"

"I would rather her spend time with dad, she sees us every day, besides we can always arrange something tomorrow for all of us. Remember that date we spoke about?"

"Ah, the one that has been on my mind every day and every night since? Yes I remember."

"We could go out to dinner and then, see a film or just walk around...Whatever you want to do, Bella. The night is ours,"

"Where are we going?"

"Bluewater,"

"I've never been there,"

"All the more reason to come and see our new shopping centre then isn't it?"

"What about money?"

"Emmett owes me, besides what he doesn't know won't make him hurt me. Do you want to come with me?"

"Of course I do. I saw your dad coming out of here a minute ago, what happened?"

"Bell we didn't really part on good terms on his last visit. I know I should have told you but, there is something of an advantage this time around. Finally I can have some news to tell him, rather than be at the end of his ranting and raving,"

"What went on between you?"

"If I mention the words, failure and disappointment, does that pretty much sum up the story?"

"I'm sorry, Edward. To be called that by your own father must have been difficult,"

"No baby...Water off a duck's back. That was when I could sum up a million comebacks in my head to strike him back with; the whole reverse psychology technique doesn't work with me

"Anyway, it's different now, all your family have to open their eyes to the reality that these changes are real. That _has_ to be something good,"

"I got the best part of the deal," Bella ran her fingers through my hair from the roots to the tips bringing my head back to rest against her shoulder. My mum used to perform the same action whenever I endured sadness as a small boy, seems like some old habits never really die. Especially when it was now changed to my Bella – the feeling increased in greatness.

"There's no need to dry this, sweetheart...Wish the same could be said for me,"

"Hmmm I love your hair, baby. Don't change it,"

"Alright I'll hold you to that next time I want to chop it off with some scissors. What time will Emmett be back?"

"Three but considering he has to sort out some business with Victoria, he may be a little longer,"

"I wish he wouldn't get too mad at her. Besides that was when you both only knew my name and didn't even realise who Tor was. We came as a set. Tor can be rather highly-strung when she wants to be, your brother is not exactly the saint in her eyes,"

"Emmett won't win the argument. He was an idiot, we both were. I just don't want him to become all high and mighty when he was clueless at the time,"

"Don't worry Tor can stand her ground. If anyone can bring some home truths to your bother then it's her."

"Hmm that would be fun to watch,"

"Hardly the same way of events with us, eh?"

"I wish I could take that back, but now we can only be here, now."

"Yes Edward...We just live for now and for the rest of our lives. What's the point in dwelling on what happened, my mum is gone and frankly, it's the best outcome that could have happened to me? I saw who she was, her true self,"

"Your mother will regret it,"

"On her death bed most probably. I will have my own life,"

"Hopefully with me."

~~**~Emmett~**~~

"Coach is going to get really pissed when he realises we're in here,"

"Are you worried about what he's going to think?"

"No. I don't care about the man, I only care about the money – which looks pretty slim in comparison to the job I may have been able to have,"

"At least you get paid. Look can you at least tell me why you were attracted to Jacob?"

"For the last time, I was not attracted to him. Alcohol can make even the ugliest people look like Gods; besides none of that matters...It was ages ago!"

"Not to me it wasn't. I have only just found out,"

"Boo stinking hoo. I was the person who ended up unconscious waking up in my bed with no recollection about what happened, only Bella and Edward being kind enough to take me home. Think about it, Emmett. If Edward and Bella hadn't been on talking terms, and she has a true friend wouldn't have the felt the worry and concern then no one would have found me, anything could have happened to me!"

"Stop saying that, there would have been someone who had found you,"

"In the morning by Rosalie's cleaner? Couples would have been having sex in the bedrooms but not going in the bathrooms, not the one that I was lying in, anyway,"

"I'm sorry, Tor."

"This remorse is getting old, Emmett. There's nothing anyone can do to change what happened, I can't take it back and I regret it every single day. That is painful and torture in itself without having to listen to your pity – which by the way, I can't believe is true,"

"What can I do to prove to you that this isn't some kind of joke?"

"Let me know in about another five years,"

"I can't do anything right with you, can I? I have destroyed almost everyone in the school in some way and this way I am the one who is going to have to live with that on my conscience for the rest of my life, fuck this!"

I sat down on the freezing floor, my back leaning against the door, giving up on trying to be the stronger one out of the two of us. My strength could only last so long when the truth didn't hurt so much. I had not done wrong against Tor, personally but I had done wrong by others. Victimization, bullying, you name it and I did it. All for getting some kind of reward at the end of school. School is not real life, the people who you are in school can sometimes never be the same as in the real world and into adulthood. What was the point in wasting all those years in pretence and running after the same girl who was never going to show one ounce of interest? At least not genuine interest.

"Why did you stop falling at Rosalie's feet, then?"

"Edward and she had some kind of drunken night, together. Of course with Edward that didn't mean anything but turns out when she said she liked me that was all a lie. Rosalie _really_ liked my brother; there were strings on her side, anyway. Long lasting feelings because he was so good to her in bed. I'll spare you the details but that's how it went,"

"What about Edward?"

"We haven't spoken about it; he regrets it because along with Rosalie he had Tanya as well. Not the best list to refer to in personal conversation,"

"Damn that sucks. Rosalie was never going to be the girl who fell in love; she does not have that temperament. She'd never appreciate the feeling if ever it landed in her lap. You're better off without her,"

"I know that _now_. At the time, I was destroyed,"

"Sounds similar to me. I was one of the many people who fantasised and lusted over your brother from afar, that is why I was such a bitch to Bella when she told me they were together,"

"Jealousy?"

"Crazy jealousy. What did she have that I didn't, we were both smart and had good lives ahead of us and the chance to be good companions but, no one had ever noticed me like they may have done with Bella. I don't feel that, anymore. When an outsider can see them both it's like fate, he was destined to be with her, in the end their paths worked their way to collide with each others. We all have them,"

"It wasn't idiotic for you to like my brother. Hell. If he wasn't my brother and I had a vagina then I'd fancy him myself,"

"That comment is all kinds of wrong, Emmett,"

"It sounded different in my head. Please don't turn your feelings to Jacob,"

"Oh don't worry; I have no plans to get myself involved with him again unless the circumstances are absolutely necessary. Guys can look good on the outside, but unless they have a heart they aren't worth knowing. There will be nothing to talk about,"

"Like these kinds of talks?"

"Yeah. To be honest, I never thought for one second that the first real conversation with the opposite sex would be you,"

"Ditto. You don't fancy Jasper Hale, either do you?"

"Are you serious? After the way he and Tanya concocted against Bella to try and win the bet you made. No way, any fantasies about him fell away from that moment,"

"You fantasised then?"

"Yes, I fantasise about many popular guys in the school. Gives me means to escape, not sexual fantasies...Just love, feelings and passion. The feelings that should be included in everyone's living life,"

"Have you ever...Fantasised about me?"

"No. Sorry if that dents your ego but, you were probably the only one who never made an appearance in my sub-conscious,"

"Probably lucky then. I don't think we'd be able to carry on this conversation if that statement was false,"

"Frankly Emmett...I wouldn't disclose fantasising about you even if it _was_ true. I guess you'll never know, fortunate outcome of course."

"Don't make me guess something like that. Is talking to me such a bad inconvenience, like you make it out to be?"

"No, the bitch is the defence mechanism. Why should I open up to anyone when my heart is at risk of being ripped to shreds? Just a self-protection act, there have been times in the past when I have said too much and later on regretted it,"

"So, this 'lock-in' wasn't a bad idea?"

"Yes it's bad because coach is going to hang our bodies from the netball hoops, but not bad because...You don't laugh at me, or try to change my opinions...I like that,"

"Plenty more where that comes from,"

"So can I go now?"

"Sure, sorry for having to keep you here,"

"That is putting your foot down? I think it needs work...I could have taken you,"

"If that's a bet, girl then there is no doubt I will hold you to it."

"Bring it on, mummy's boy!"

~~**~Bella~**~~

After taking a longer shower than usual, I had gone back to my own room to attempt to find some decent enough clothes for mine and Edward's date tonight. Honestly, the whole idea had caught me a little off-guard considering that this was Esme's day. However my input in bringing Carlisle back must have worked some magic on the fate of the day and I was relieved to make this day a little easier for her, no matter how she spent the hours.

I was browsing through the wardrobe, groaning at mostly every single top and trouser set I owned, or ever owned. This was the disadvantage of being with someone like me; I was not a girl who liked to have the very top of the brand clothing or the prettiest dress imaginable. How was I supposed to look barely average in these clothes that were only comfortable to casually wear each day?

"Having trouble?" At the sudden sound of Esme's voice, I gasped and placed my hands on the top of my towel, hoping to an angel up in the heavens that it was to remain on my body. "Oh I'm sorry, Bella,"

"Esme...Geez...I wasn't expecting you, just give me a minute,"

"Carlisle just told me about yours and Edward's date,"

"Oh are you mad...Because if you want us to stay then believe me, we will? The last thing I want is to ruin your birthday if family time is what you wish for,"

"Ssh. Of course it's a _great_ idea. Edward has never taken a female out on a date before, least of all a _decent_ female. What were you so stressed about honey?"

"Oh...My wardrobe, well my clothes don't seem to be adequate for a formal dinner, or even the right sort for going out in general,"

"Then, luckily I was able to find this," leaning down she took something from outside in the corridor and a bag came into view, Esme clutched it with one hand as she stepped inside closing the door behind her. "This was the dress I wore on my first date with Carlisle,"

"Oh Esme, please I cannot take anymore of your clothes, that last one was so beautiful and I almost ruined it,"

"Please no more of that. Remember how I said I have always wanted a daughter, take them, I don't wear them anymore and my clothes have such a special place in my heart, I can't get rid of them,"

"Esme,"

"I want Edward to really see how lucky he is to have such a beautiful girlfriend, come on I have my makeup bag and some hair curlers to help you out. What do you say?"

"Alright, it saves me spending such a small amount of time on my appearance and then having to wait longer,"

"Come and sit with me on the bed," I sat myself down, not minding that I was only in my towel because nothing could be seen. Besides, Esme was a girl so she'd have seen people in this position before. Esme crawled behind me and un-wrapped my towel around my hair; I allowed my hair to fall onto my shoulders. I felt the brush working through the tangles as Esme got to work.

"Bella, I never really remembered to thank you, I've never got the chance, today. What you did for Carlisle, that means so much to me,"

"The only reason I did that was because I didn't want you to be alone on your birthday,"

"Edward has truly found an angel in you. Remember when I said the last time you had dinner with us that it would be fantastic to see Edward and you together?"

"Yes. I got a little defensive because mum was already planning my wedding to Seth,"

"I meant it; I may have seen a little something that only parents with experience could see. He behaved horribly and I believe that he is feeling remorse because of that,"

"Esme...Can you state, hand on heart that you're proud of him?"

"I have never been more so. Edward has always been an absolute joy – watching him and Emmett grow up before my eyes makes me realise that not only did I completely betray them both as a mother but that there are genuine people out in the world who care enough about them more than I. Of course that is where you come in, darling,"

"Stop singing my praises, Esme. I have a horrible blush!"

"Nonsense, a girl needs to be complimented. I just need to say that you will always be appreciated by me, now that you're living here,"

"Thanks,"

"So I am thinking maybe a bun, with these curls you shall have no problem loosening out strands to make it messy. I have some clips,"

"Are you sure about this?"

"If anyone can go without beauty products it's you, Bella but...Please just trust me,"

"Okay."

I was feeling like I was slowly signing away pieces of my soul.

~~**~Emmett~**~~

"Thank you, for the ride home...Again. Wow I really have to pay you some petrol money,"

"Fuck it don't worry...You can pay me in other ways,"

"Ew I'll walk next time!"

"Not like that...Do you want to come out with me to see a film, sometime maybe next week?"

Like a date?" _Shit no...No quick say no, say NO! Don't say no, just change the answer, prick!_

"No not a date, just to take our conversation to a more dimly-lit place with nice table settings,"

"Well honestly the whole restaurant and romantic dinner thing is too cheesy for me...How about we skip dinner and the cinema and just walk down to the park and grab a kebab in the high street, first?"

"A girl who doesn't count calories?"

"Please does it _look_ like I count calories? That's no way to live!"

"My kind of girl. You'd be up for that?"

"Sure...I mean I'll have to see whether my mum needs me to go and see her during the week before Saturday but, my dad is pretty lenient,"

"Great well...Shall I give you my number?"

"Take mine...It's zero seven eight two zero, one six eight, three nine seven," I grabbed a pen from my pocket and wrote it down on the back of my hand. "Oh don't turn into those guys who want to continue daily conversation with pillow talk!"

"Don't worry that will never happen,"

"You're alright in my book, Emmett Cullen. Maybe this could work,"

"Thanks. It can. Anyway, I will text you sometime in the week,"

"Oh actually could you give me your number..Just in case I find out an answer tomorrow or something that way I don't have to wait for your text?"

"Sure it's zero seven eight four nine, two three seven, five zero four." Victoria punched my number into her phone, the sun reflecting on her stunning red hair. _Wait a minute; did I just think the word stunning?_

"Great, well then I will see you in school?"

"Yeah have a good weekend, the rest of it,"

"Thanks, bye"

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Just one small brush of this and then we're ready to put on the dress,"

I had never liked makeovers but, talking to Esme whilst she was making me look good, at least the same way she had done before made the time fly by. Pouting my lips, she ran the lipstick along my lower lip before asking me to mould my lips together in the usual way. "Perfect!"

Like a little girl on Christmas morning she stood up taking the bag and, making a drum roll with her voice she pulled out the most gorgeous emerald green dress. My mouth went from closed to the shape of 'O' faster than ever before. "What do you think?"

"Oh my God Esme, this one is even more beautiful than the last one!"

"I had some taste, then. Put this on, I will be outside the door if you need me," she skipped off closing the bedroom door again and luckily we had already scheduled time in the makeover for me to put on some matching underwear, one that couldn't be seen by the colour of the dress, anyway.

I released the towel and held the dress by my feet, stepping into it easily and gradually trailing it up my body, my arms fit through the straps and I pulled the zip at the side underneath my right armpit. "Are you finished?"

"Yes" I called; luckily I was fast at changing. Esme walked back in and clapped her hands to her mouth and sighed.

"That dress is so perfect, what time are you heading off?"

"I don't know whenever Edward is ready,"

"EDWARD, HURRY UP!" Esme shouted catching me a little off-guard. "A beautiful girl cannot be kept waiting on a first date," Esme kept herself busy then, gathering all her belongings and putting them back in the bag...I took the opportunity to glance at myself in the long mirror on one door of my wardrobe. I hardly recognised myself, this was so strange.

"MUM WHAT ARE YOU..." Edward stopped; I could see him from the corner of my eye stop at the doorway. He had chosen to wear baby blue which had been my ultimate favourite colour on him; fortunately he had not worn green, either. Taking a deep breath, I turned and met the eyes of my boyfriend who seemed to be glued to the spot.

"Well, mum has outstayed her welcome. Have fun tonight both of you!" Esme took the bag and walked out, leaving Edward and I alone staring at each other in the silence. The guy looked positively gorgeous and so bloody sexy, I didn't ever imagine he could be any sexier but turns out I was gladly mistaken. This date was going to be the start of many new things for both of us in life.

"Oh, Bell," finding the energy in his legs, he walked over to me placing a hand gently on my cheek, which I in response leaned in to. "My love,"

"Edward you look amazing!" I said wanting so much to run my hands along the fabric clutching to his torso but, fighting back the desire left my hands to stay at my sides.

"Bell, you're the most beautiful girl in the world...The most important person in my life, ever...I love you." His lips leant in to touch my cheek and my hands rested against his shoulder blades.

"Can we go?" I whispered.

"Yes Bell. Are you going to be warm enough?"

"Yes I have my coat, besides I will want to wear yours by the end of the night. Seeing as its customary from a Gentleman,"

"Whatever you wish for will happen, tonight Bell. I would do anything for you, besides when you look so stunning I will have to find some self-control,"

"We will be in public so self-control is essential."

"Come on, my Bella; let's go before I chain you to the bed."

~~**~Emmett~**~~

I stepped out of the jeep, already seeing Bella and Edward pass me in his car at the end of the road and I had never felt so confused. Tor was beginning to get inside my head; the girl was dangerous to speak to because she brought out the caring side of me. I cared enough about her in doing gestures that, became so natural that I never realised I was doing them or saying nice things.

As I fumbled for my keys, my phone vibrated for an incoming text message. I opened up my screen and pressed 'read'.

_Dad said yes. I will see you next week. Try not to miss me too much, Cullen! .V._

Smiling, I wasted no time in typing a reply...

_No chance of that. See you next week, shall we say Wednesday? .Em._

Minutes later, a reply...

_Wednesday it is. Night. .V._

The strangest thing was, I had the best day in the longest time.

~~**~Bella~**~~

Edward took my hand from my lap and placed a kiss on my palm from the driver's seat.

This was where my nerves came into play, butterflies beginning to flitter around my stomach.

_Breathe Bella, just breathe._


	57. Sensory Lights

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

As I was driving towards Bluewater, I couldn't help but glance over at Bella, the motorway proving to be safe for about two seconds to do so. My girl looked so worried, like at any moment something was going to jump out onto the car, like the monkeys from 'the omen' and I wanted so much to stop in our tracks and soothe her, hold her tight and swear never on pain of death to let her go. The situation was worthless, we were going on our first serious date and if the roles were reversed, I'd want to throw up all of the digested food in my stomach as well – but there was nothing I could do, nothing that could be said to ease her nerves. I wanted this, I yearned to have some time with the woman who I love the most in the world just to be ourselves and forget about what has happened in our lives.

As we were near close to the centre, it seemed silly to stop, especially since the A road links in from the main motorway, all I had to do was hold my breath until we managed to get into the car park and then, perhaps I would be able to talk to her about it.

What was I going to say? I was pretty much throwing up inside, anyway. I gripped my hands on my steering wheel, attempting to deepen my inhales and exhales of oxygen to calm my shaking knees, I felt like such a smitten boy or girl. First date jitters, the only advantage being that there was no need to plan an attempt to climb out the toilet windows or sneak out through another door in escape from the boredom and torture if I disliked my date. I loved Bella, loved her more than my own life, would do absolutely anything for her, she had made me into a walking and breathing classical literature novel and there was no chance in hell that I can go back to the way I have been, now. What was the greatest thing about the change, never had I contemplated going back to my old ways, the disappointment and shame of living in such an extreme pretence and falsehood through my teens saw this change to be permanent. Bella Swan made me _like_ myself; no one had ever done that – not even my parents.

Thankfully, I parked swiftly into a free space and turned off the engine, I could finally hear Bella breathing and the tone and sound matched mine identically – both of us felt the desire to have this night turn out great, I wanted this to be a night that we would remember for the rest of our lives, a story to tell our Grandchildren old and frail in our rocking chairs whether we'd still be together as a couple or not. This was a night for the history books.

Bella unfastened her seat belt but did not once look over at me for a sign of movement, her body refusing to move from the car seat and her hands unable to move to open the door. I sighed out loud finding relief in being able to do so without the car moving.

"So, shall we go?" Bella asked, her eyes staring out through the windscreen.

"Bella, please tell me that you're as nervous as I am, because otherwise there must be something on your mind?"

"I am nervous, I am sorry, Edward...This whole time I have been fighting the butterflies I don't want to be. Just, with my track record and the whole 'bad luck on my side' thing, I just know that there will be something or someone to ruin this,"

I took her hand from her lap and wound her soft, little fingers around mine, her warmth radiating through the pores of her skin onto my own. "I won't let that happen,"

"Oh Edward you can't stop fate. No one can, besides this is the night where we need to be together and ourselves, completely without anyone influencing us,"

"I love you, Bella. All I have been able to think about for the last twenty minutes is how much that love grows; we can always go somewhere else,"

"No...This was a very thoughtful gesture. I am so grateful, Edward, truly. Let's not cause a rain on this before anything has even begun," nodding, I released her and she climbed out of the car. I was closely in pursuit, stepping out into the fresh air underneath the darkness of the car park and pressing the lock button on my car keys, Bella moved over and took my hand clutching our connection tighter to walk the short distance to the main entrance.

"What kind of restaurant are we going to?"

"Specialises in mostly Italian cuisine, but as always there are other options for the people who wrongly dislike that kind of food on a menu,"

"Good...I love Italian,"

"There's still time to back out now, Bell,"

"No Edward, besides, nerves may be a good thing, the adrenaline will kick in after and, I am too young to drink right now so I will have nothing to blame it on," Bella's spirits had lifted considerably since she had found out that I was also feeling identical to her, our emotions so intact and correct all the time that we may as well be compatible machinery. How could I have imagined never having someone close to me as this? That love never was going to exist except in fiction?

Loneliness must of ate me up, deep down inside my heart was aching to have the same emotions as the couples in school outside of the main social circle – observing them on the quiet and studying their every move. I used to believe that couples were cheesy and gushy because they said such heart-felt and meaningful things that should have been imprinted in a romance film script but turns out that those feelings escape your mouth without your brain functioning or registering them until later, when the fooling of one's self was already into play – I could spend the rest of my life speaking unnatural things to Bella, the kind of comments that only existed between couples and it was the much nicer way to be.

~~**~Bella~**~~

I felt so sick about this date. The nerves already coming into play before we had even set out to get to Bluewater, why was I behaving so foolishly? I was still doubting this relationship, I am going to wake up and realise that none of it is real and I am back to the 'old' Bella who was consumed with loneliness but just had to survive with living in a new location and deal with my problems. Now, my life was shared with Edward and that transformation had happened so quickly that I was wrongly thinking that something was going to take Edward away from me, that love and respect I have for the person who was, as cheesy as it sounds my first and true love in my existence would diminish and lo and behold, I was going to be left with just the feeling of surrealism and fantasy.

Edward's hand proved to be a comfort, his touch bringing me home and back into his arms as we stepped into the warmth of the shopping outlet, people walking past us and walking the other way acting no different to how they would on a usual day of retail shopping. I was not a lover of shopping, my clothing being direct proof of that fact so, my being here was strange anyway because Edward was not going to haul me around shops for many hours on end – we were going to have dinner in a much more secluded restaurant with other couples or friends of the general public. I have been so scared about intimacy that my being here wasn't a walk in the park, either.

My problem is, I ponder too much. I over-analyse things inside my head which causes unnecessary panic and that is why as a result I run away from situations in an attempt to self-protect myself when I was actually hurting others as well. Call it an unfortunate force of habit.

As we walked silently through the centre, making our way around corners into different areas, rows and rows of shops selling a mixture of brands my mind went to my dad. Whether he was looking down on me right now in my green dress and torturing heels and wondering what he thinks. Would he proud of me? Would he have wanted me to leave my mother like that? I could manage to live life through any other way and see the end, but the one thing that would kill me inside was to know that he was upset with me, upset with my choices. I worshipped my father, placed him high onto a pedestal and he will always remain there, losing him was the hardest situation I have ever had to see and experience, his death would cause more pain than my mothers in the recent turn of events and I want so much to make him proud, wherever I go on my journey of life he was going to be with me because he was never for a moment going to leave his large place in my heart.

Edward came to a stop before we reached the restaurant section, my heart leapt to my throat in worry. Worry that he was going to stop this before anything had happened. He led me to a wall; a deserted shop opening boarded up for renovation and wrapped his arms around me, engulfing my small body into the security of his arms. I naturally melted into him and forgot about the rest of the world passing us by, cocooning me into only him, his world, his mind and his love for me. My shaking ceased upon impact, the goose bumps greeting the pores of my skin as he ran his hands down my arms through the very thin material of my coat.

"Don't be afraid, anymore Bell. This is just us, me and you, like it was destined to be," Edward whispered lovingly into my ear. Of course he sensed my nerves, I wore my heart on my sleeve too much sometimes the emotions too easy to read like the pages of a book to anyone else who witnessed them...I rested my head on his shoulder, my mouth inches from the minty scent of his neck.

"Do you think my dad would be proud of me?" It was stupid to ask, but my father had been on my mind too much recently to just agree with Edward, perhaps I just needed to have an answer, the truth or not.

"Oh baby, is that was has gotten you down?" his hands moved to my waist and then to my spine, his fingers tentatively running along the bone resulting in my hips needing to move in desire.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I think too much and, I want to be with you right now,"

"Ssh...Don't justify yourself to me, my love. I understand why you would wish your father to be proud of you, and even though I am not a psychic, I can say with ease that he would be proud,"

"Really?"

"He has given me my life purpose, he gave _you_ life, Bell and he has my gratitude for that, forever. Think about how far you have come, how much you have faced and are _still _living and breathing. Your dad would want you to make your own decisions and live life the best that it can be and, I am proud to see where you have come from then to now,"

"I love you, Edward."

"I love you, too my angel." With a kiss on my hair, he released me our eyes meeting, those evergreen pools radiating love and care towards me, no one can place a price on seeing the love in your lover's eyes, and no one can ever understand moments like these unless they have loved, before.

Winding our hands together, again we headed the short distance to the restaurant, immediately taking a place in the short line to be seated. I always find waiting in a queue a little awkward because of how close in proximity strangers can get, also what kind of people can be in front or behind you at any given moment. I can stand lines with Edward, he held me close to him, standing behind me and blocking my view from the people staring at our backs. His arms cocooning me again, my head resting against the hardness of his chest as we listened to the various sounds and conversation around us. I was predicting meeting someone here, probably someone of Edward's old crowd that could find some comic value in our waiting in a restaurant queue, actually our being out together at all. This seemed like the kind of place to run into old enemies or people who can dislike you and have a mutual feeling returned. Did anyone from school come here?

No doubt Rosalie and Tanya would, if only to spend hours in the cosmetic shops or beauty parlours, the last thing I wanted was to think about running into them, this would instantly turn from a great night to a disaster in milliseconds.

We approached the maître D who looked a little flustered with the building crowd, as he stared at our position - he shot a small smile to the floor and gestured for us to follow him. I was a little confused at the reaction he had given us, he must see couples everyday but suddenly, the nerves came from whether Edward and I seemed different.

Yes, this was definitely the night for unnecessary worrying.

He led us to a nice, isolated booth away from the main seating areas, and Edward, always a Gentleman, at least one that had become so advanced in his learning in a short amount of time took my coat from my shoulders, the sequins from my dress sparkling under the luminous light and the flicker of the candle in the middle of the table and, flashing me a smile he sat down opposite me, placing his and my coats next to him.

The Maître D' handed us two menus and then left to see to the rest of the line, I was suddenly fidgeting to find the correct way to seat the presumption that Edward's feet were going to become close in contact with mine playing in my head. I smoothed out the dress underneath my body and leant my hands on the table, forgetting about the menu and taking a few moments to take in the surroundings. This restaurant looked expensive which of course scared me because of the stupid forgetfulness shadowing me as we left the house not to pick up my cash card. I thought that the first date should be shared out in half when the bill came around, but Edward wasn't going to have any of that.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" he lifted his eyes from the menu on the table, his green eyes sparkling more beautifully from the candle than ever before.

"This restaurant is really nice, I mean I didn't bring any money with me and..."

"Bell, stop worrying my love. This is all on Emmett, I would gladly pay for the bill myself but there are a few IOUs to wipe from my brother so order whatever you like,"

"Okay," I laughed nervously and looked down at the menu. Immediately my eyes drew to the 'pasta' section, the carbohydrates in the little pieces of heaven that is pasta proving to be a mouth watering experience for my taste buds. I did feel a little guilty at ordering something with Emmett's money, the guy proving to change somewhat especially now since he and Tor were talking civilly...If it was the old Emmett I probably wouldn't think twice about him paying for our meals at all.

"Hello there, would you like any drinks?" A man with a strong Italian accent came over to us, I stuttered a little before answering.

"Can I have a diet coke, please?" I said timidly as he nodded.

"Um...A Peroni if there is one," Edward answered, without blinking the waiter walked away scribbling on his notepad.

"What's a Peroni?" I asked Edward as he folded his arms on the table.

"Beer,"

"Why didn't he-"

"I have been here, before with my parents, I came here with my old 'friends' once I turned eighteen and he has served me, he knows my age,"

"Oh,"

"I will get you something stronger,"

"No please...The idea of having alcohol makes me a little envious but considering that I have never had it – I don't want to end up on the floor,"

"Well I'll be there to catch you,"

"I suppose that is what white knights are for in the real world..."

"It's a hard business really, comes with more perks than disadvantages though," he winked and I almost melted to the floor into liquid. Edward was turning on the flirts and me; hook, line and sinker fell under the powers he could arouse within me. Have I mentioned before that he is dangerous? "So, what do you fancy?"

"The mushroom ravioli,"

"Good choice. That is always a good choice for my mum as well,"

"What are you having?"

"I don't want to get sauce all over myself; the Gnocchi is the better option, less messy,"

"Is that with Stilton?"

"Yeah,"

I wrinkled my nose, "never liked that stuff,"

Edward laughed, music to my ears and folded his menu back up, taking a surprisingly short amount of time to choose something but then again, he had been here before so not so much of a surprise on deeper thought. "What are you thinking about, baby?" he took my hands again, both of them inches away from the candle.

"How I do not know the right protocol for a first date, why are you even with me?" I joked blushing.

"Do you want a list?"

"No," I answered smiling.

"There is no right or wrong, just be you, the woman that I love, that is all I ask for,"

"Even with the worrying and the nerves?"

"Of course with them added in, makes this evening more interesting and less robotic,"

"Are you thinking about anything?"

"I am wondering how on earth people can say that dating is lame, being here with you, just the two of us is more special then the time we spend at home,"

"No Emmett,"

"That too."

"Do you think that he and Tor will, become a couple?"

"I don't know, if they fell in love with one another...Emmett is capable of love, great love and such care but he loved the wrong girl for years, it's bound to have taken its toll,"

"Tor's not like Rosalie,"

"That's what I am worried about. Tor is a good person; much like you and Emmett is used to wanting someone he can't have. His experience would have to be tested with a genuine person at his side,"

"I hope they do."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Tor's lonely, throughout all her goodness, she has a lonely heart and, perhaps that makes her vulnerable at the best of times but, she needs a new change like mine as much as the next honest, single person in the world,"

"Here are your drinks," the waiter appeared, placing our drinks on the table. Edward took mine and his order in a hasty fashion before sending the waiter on his way, again. "They always have the worst timing,"

"So what do people talk about on first dates?"

"I don't know. Anything and everything I suppose,"

"Wow then we have a lot to cover,"

"I guess we do," Edward smiled taking a sip from his pint; I did the same with the coke, enjoying the cold sensations trailing down the dryness of my throat. "If I haven't said so, before Bell. You look so beautiful right now,"

"Thank you. It helps, with the clothes and being with you. You make me feel beautiful, Edward. This might sound crazy, but how about we do a flash round to escape the wait,"

"Okay," Edward answered laughing at the absurdity of my request, my absurdities made him laugh and I couldn't love him more for it.

~~**~Edward~**~~

"A swimming pool or the ocean?"

"The Ocean. Up or down?"

"Up. Dreams or reality?"

"Reality. Poems or stories?"

"Stories. Vampire or Werewolf?"

"Neither." Bella frowned; I had to force myself to abstain from laughing at how we must look like to others in our questioning.

"There must be one..."

"Please don't tell me that you have read a book called 'Twilight' Bell,"

"I might have done. Besides, what if there wasn't a choice, you were doomed to be one or the other,"

"I didn't have you down as a vampire lover, Bell."

"I didn't have you down as team Switzerland, either,"

"Alright, if I had to pick one...It would have to be vampire,"

"Good choice,"

"Only if I had to,"

"Oh come on. The whole, forbidden love, unable to stay away from one another and facing the world together in both forms kind of love is kind of sexy,"

I almost choked on the second swig of my beer. Bella was coming out of her shell, this was the Bella that I loved the most because of her ability to say things so out of the ordinary that even now, the comments took me a little off-guard. "That's a feminine view,"

"So female vampires wouldn't be hot?"

"Don't have any experience of them, anyway, I have all I need right here, and she's all human and all mine,"

"Nice save." Bella smiled bringing my hands up to her mouth and kissing the centre of both of them before putting them back on the table. "This isn't first date conversation is it?"

"Is there a guidebook that I haven't read or something. Bell, we could spend the whole night talking about cheese and it wouldn't matter,"

"Alright, then. So, how did the whole talk with Carlisle go?"

"Better than previous ones. My dad always has the oddest timing, when I am in my towel fresh from the shower and still reeling from how he stayed around to talk and didn't wait for me to get changed, first,"

"Men don't mind that kind of stuff do they?"

"When it's my father, yes,"

"Girls are more self-conscious, I had to grip my towel so hard when your mum was doing my hair and makeup, and I can still feel the ache in my fingers if I curl them up into a fist. This would be a special night for them, too."

"Yeah it will be, my father is always missed,"

"Don't you ever miss him?"

"Funnily enough, sometimes yeah but I'd never admit that to him, we don't have that kind of relationship,"

"Must be hard, not seeing him every often,"

"Emmett and I got used to it, my mother suffers the most. The same as I would if it was you and I, love is different when its marriage, love is always different between mothers and fathers and their children. That's the way it is,"

"Well hold your father close enough to you, baby. No one realises how important parents are, until they lose them,"

"I'm sorry. I sound like an arse saying the wrong things about my family,"

"No not at all. Our parents are who we love to hate, sometimes. Only they see you through thick and thin and through the good and the bad, that is how they know everything about you,"

"Christ how can you get so amazing by the second?" Edward said placing small but soft kisses on my hand in both of his, clutching tightly as if there was ever a chance that I was going to run away from him at any given moment.

"

Like I would even _think_ about doing something as stupid as that!

~~**~Emmett~**~~

"Wow, you just can't get enough of me, can you?" Tor opened the door, but much to my shock her eyes were red and puffy.

Even though we had only had a few hours apart, she had text me in some kind of weird way that made me come to see her. I suddenly wanted to reach out to her in comfort, but that was definitely going to cross some boundaries.

"I'm sorry to bring you back here, Emmett. I was really hoping you'd come," Tor stuttered her arms folded around herself, not so much in a casual way because the strength of how her arms pushed against her torso made me instantly believe that she was feeling a lot of stress and anger about something.

"Tor, what's wrong...Why have you been crying?"

"I really shouldn't get you involved, I mean Emmett Cullen has a life, right and he doesn't need people like me calling out an SOS like some kind of damsel in distress like this!"

"Hey," I grabbed onto her shoulders, my mind resting on the feel of her body underneath my hands, the feelings that it gave me deep down inside. Something was very wrong with this whole situation. "I don't care that you texted me, I wanted to come here and I want to know why you're upset. Tell me,"

"It's my dad...Both my parents, actually,"

"What about them?"

"Dad saw me come to the door from your car this afternoon, when I asked for his permission to go out with you on Wednesday...I didn't mention the fact that I was going out with a Cullen. Coming back from work today meant that he saw me getting out of your jeep and not walking like I always say I am doing. He doesn't want me to go out with you, the refusal is bad enough but now he is pulling the 'neglecting your mother whilst she is in hospital' tactic. Pulling the guilt trip,"

The fact that Tor's dad clearly did not trust me as far as he could throw me made me instantly want to hang my head in shame, my behaviour had caused affect not only on the students in the school but the people that look after them and protect them as well. How awful was I?

"I want to go out with you, Emmett...As strange as that sounds and as much as my head screams at me to shut the hell up right now. We...I mean, we have _something_, when I'm around you – without the self-protection and bitchy act, I feel like I can be my whole self, just like I can with Bella. Finding that, is rare,"

"Tor, I cannot ask you to make up another lie, you should not have to lie to your father about me. Even though, it's obvious now why you attempted to. Thank you, at least for being a person who has really given me a chance but, the best option is to call the date off; I know I said that it wasn't a date but, in my head that's what Wednesday was always going to be,"

"No I don't want him to come between our friendship; I want to be friends with you now because I can actually come around to trusting you...Not entirely at this present moment in time but I will do,"

"I forgot to realise how much of a great person you are, Tor. I'm sorry if there were times when I was unnecessary and rude in my behaviour, I can only understand that your father wants to keep you protected and that my track record does not advantage me in changing his opinion at all. This is for the best, believe me. Your mother needs you more than I do...I'll see you on Monday,"

"Yeah, bye."

As I walked away the sound of Tor's front door closed, minutes later I heard a window open...On the spot, I turned and faced Tor as she leant out her hair hanging down each side of her neck. I watched her mouth 'I'll text you' before she shot me a smile through her swollen eyes and close the window. I thought back to the words I had said as we parted, opening up my Jeep again.

'Your mother needs you more than I do'

In some stupid and unexplainable way, those words were the truth as much as I then regretted saying them.

I _did_ need Victoria, perhaps more so than I have ever begun to realise before.

Without another thought, I turned off the ignition. Luckily I hadn't moved from the spot, my mind wandering for too long to ever start driving away from her house. Taking in a deep breath, I stepped back out of my Jeep and headed back to the front door, where I had just come from and rang her doorbell again.

"Oh," she answered again, looking up and down – confusion scrawled across her face.

"Sorry, where is your dad, now?"

"At the hospital – he left in a mood; the two of us didn't end things so well...Both said some things that now _I _wish hadn't even escaped my mouth. Have you ever felt like that?"

"Yes, I have. However, I haven't ever spoken about them, talking about feelings made you emotional and bordering on _gay_ with my old '_friends_',"

"Some people can be so judgemental, can't they? I particularly like gay people, more so than straight the majority of the time. Especially if they are male. They have such a zest for life,"

"Were you planning on going to see your mum?"

"I wanted to but, it takes forever to walk and my father won't be talking to me for at least twenty four hours even the hardest of situations tend to look a little brighter the next morning. I will just wait until tomorrow or Monday when I get back from school,"

"Come with me. I'll take you,"

"The hospital is out of your way, Emmett. I have wasted enough of your petrol. I finally get why my dad wanted me to get a job and earn the finances to drive, being lonely can border a person to the edge of insanity,"

"I don't mind. My parents are out, mum is celebrating her birthday and Edward and Bella are out on a date, if I went home there would only be an empty house waiting for me,"

"Don't you have other plans?

"I never have plans, anymore. Don't worry I won't say anything to your dad; I'll drop you off outside A&E if that makes it better between you both,"

"Why would you do that for me?" I let out a nervous chuckle; honestly I didn't know the answer to that question, myself.

"Ask me in the morning,"

"Thank you so much, Emmett. I owe you more than words," Tor grabbed her coat with one hand from behind her door and stepped out, closing the front door. I shuffled away from the doorstep watching her lock the door behind her and then, she walked to the Jeep. My eyes immediately resting on the glorious colour of her hair in the evening light. The girl should be on an advert for L'Oreal, kick out Cheryl Cole and her fake extensions, at least with Tor's hair the advert would be real and perhaps even more appealing.

As she stood in front of the passenger side door, the moonlight hit her eyes as she took a moment to look up at the stars. Tor was so much an introvert that watching her in silence made her so much more enduring as a person, with Rosalie every emotion or thought was out in the air like a rocket. There was no limit to how many words she could manage to speak a day but with Tor, I almost found myself wanting to know what was happening in her mind. Where I had never felt so much concern before, just basically knowing her name and nothing else.

"What?" she asked, I mentally cringed at myself for gawking at her, probably resembling some drooling dog waiting for food.

"Um...Sorry, I was...Er..." _Fuck Emmett, think of something you idiot!_

"I was just sending a message to my angels, throughout all of this struggle with my mum and the uncertainty about her recovery; can you believe that I think there are spirits up there watching over me?"

"Yes, I can believe that. The same way that people would believe in a certain religion, or believe in God. Knowing that there are guides up there brings comfort to the bad times," _Don't sound too much like a pastor, dummy!_

"Anyway, that's just something I do. Letting them know that I am grateful. Even though I have no idea who they are or what connections they have to me on a personal level,"

I opened the car from my side and watched her step in; I looked up at the sky.

Why does everything seem so beautiful when they are spoken about from Victoria's lips?

~~**~Bella~**~~

Dinner was delicious.

The music was beautiful.

I had no idea why I was so worried about anything, this night had shown me that I had made the right choice coming home with Edward, against what I thought was my better judgement. I had not thought once about my mum all night, the questions about my dad faded away with one look of love and care from my amazing boyfriend's eyes. As we drove home, the silence was melancholy – our hands clutched together in his lap as his gaze rested on the night time motorway traffic. Perhaps there are moments like this where people have to believe that love is real, that living life can have some fortunes and not all be branded with shit and confusion. That some people are worth being alive for.

I couldn't help but smile and release a sigh of contentment. I had no idea why I had been so afraid, the only reason being that this night had to be special. However, this night was not just special – it was a time when there was only Edward and I in the world, just us to talk with each other, laugh, cry and not hold back on anything. I didn't want to hold back from anything with Edward, at least not now there was confirmation that our relationship had been meant to be from the very beginning.

I had been a new girl, with no friends and no confidence – my mind casts back on that girl, the jeans and the long-sleeved tops, normal hair and converse shoes and I am at a loss to find what had changed me into my appearance now. I had on a beautiful dress, my hair staying in it's neat style and my make-up bringing out the shape and colour of my eyes, identical to that of my father's and, I felt incredibly happy that the normal girl can be put to sleep for one night and the 'new' me could appear.

The short ride home under the stars shaped what was the most amazing night of my life with the most amazing man in Edward. I called him a guy, or a young man in my head but, he was now a man. A man with so much ahead of him, that of course he was now placing the stones to begin his path. There was nothing that he wouldn't be able to do with his new attitude. Honestly, the attitude wasn't new...I believe that his old attitude was the one that he put-on and like any convincing lie he began to live it and the behaviour was a force of habit, igniting from his older brother, of course.

He was mine, Edward was always going to be mine and I was undoubtedly his, no one could ever come close to meaning so much to me or even whose company I would rather have to endure. I'd face death just to be at Edward's side, he made me feel like I could do absolutely anything and he made me feel, through all my imperfections and overactive emotions and ruling imagination beautiful.

That was what it all came down to.

Edward Cullen made me feel more beautiful and more alive than I have ever felt before.

~~**~Emmett~**~~

I had always hated hospitals, having a phobia of them as a little boy didn't help matters, either. Swallowing back the dryness of my throat, I parked in an empty spot in the main car park, not needing payment because of this being a simple drop-off.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked Tor as she undid her seatbelt, she hadn't spoken for the whole way here and the hospital isn't that far from Farningham or where we go to school but having to drive in silence made the journey feel like passing years not minutes.

"Yeah, sorry...I always get a little nervous at this part. Even when I am with my father, I always feel apprehensious about what may be awaiting us behind those double doors, always expecting the worst,"

"Did you want me to wait here?"

"No thank you, the last thing you need is to be charged when there is no one you know being treated here. My dad can take me home, we may not say anything to each other but...I just want to be here for my mum, you know?"

"Yeah, I'd probably do the same. My mum is pretty important to me and, I wouldn't know how to react if our roles were reversed,"

"Hold onto her, Emmett. Life may surprise the hell out of you when there is no expectation of it,"

"I will. Shall I text you later?"

"I'll text you when we get home. That is, if you want to know about whether we get home alright, otherwise if you're going to be asleep then-"

"Please text me, Tor."

"Okay," she answered with a small smile, as she opened the door, the draught came in from the wind washing away the heating that had built up between us in the car. "I am sorry about Wednesday,"

"So am I."

"I'll text you later." Tor closed the door and I was suddenly alone once more.

~~**~Bella~**~~

I led Edward up the stairs to my room, never once releasing his hand from my hold. I didn't know what to say, the night had been better than I expected and my heart was fluttering inside my chest. I just needed some privacy, time alone with Edward to keep our closeness intact. The fact that the house was empty and that Carlisle and Esme hadn't returned, or even Emmett was a Godsend. Edward didn't force his concern at my lack of words; he just followed me, almost respecting my silence.

I let him step in as I closed the door behind us; he stood in front of me. The moonlight hitting the bronze tones of his hair and the shimmer glow hitting the side of the ivory skin of his face. He was stunning. I couldn't find another word more suitable to describe the man who I had found so much luck in having.

"That was the best night of my life, Edward," I whispered leaning against the wall...He slowly closed the distance between us, his hand reached out to my hair. His long fingers pulled out the clip from my hair, the curls falling out of their prison and falling down onto my back, the same hand cupped my cheek and I leant into his touch feeling the surge of electricity running through us.

"My beautiful Bell, I wanted this night to be amazing...But it was so much more than that,"

"I know, just kiss me, Edward. I have wanted you to kiss me all night,"

Edward cupped my face with both his hands and his lips came in closely to meet mine, the passion igniting through my toes up to my loose curls.

"I love you," I whispered before kissing his mouth with urgency, my hands wrapping around his neck in a vice.

"I love you too, Bell. God I love you so much."

As we kissed, dominating our mouths into the most lustrous and sensual dance and battle I was certain of one more thing.

Edward owned my heart, my soul and every thought that occupied my mind and my desire for him was only going to stretch so long before I took the plunge to show him how much love my heart can give him.

To be honest, I couldn't wait to be able to finally say to him that I was ready.


	58. Daunting Demands

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Bella~**~~

*(Two weeks later)*

Two weeks had gone by, more stressful at school especially now that Edward and I were pretty much deemed 'concrete', and before I knew where the time had gone it was yet another weekend looming.

However, this was not a normal weekend ahead of us, Edward had been fortunate to land a job in Carluccios, basically the equivalent of a salary and long hours but as he and Emmett had made great strides in becoming working men with an income – there was not much else to delve into.

I was spending my lunch with Tor, our conversation limited and away from the topic of Emmett who had become a larger part of my best friend's lives than anyone could have realised. Edward was in the library, making sure that he was on top of all his schoolwork before he began the long shifts that usually included aching feet and the desire to get bigger tips from the general public.

"So how is your mum, doing?" Any conversation with Tor became general rather than personal, I did not speak so much about my relationship unless she asked a question – just in case I upset her or annoyed her.

"I don't know, I mean Emmett and I had a date a couple of Wednesdays ago and-"

_Whoa, what?_

"What?"

"Oh, sorry I kind of forgot to tell you, thanks to everything else getting in the way. Well, the whole idea wasn't so much a date but more an occasion to hang out, the guy can chat if anyone else can believe that reality and, sometimes talking helps especially when I don't have to talk to myself like usual,"

"Where were you going to go?"

"The local park, get a kebab from the high street beforehand. I know, there is no need to give me 'the face', the park was my idea and yes not romantic but, when I am with a guy, romance would make me screw it up,"

"Emmett wanted to go with you, too?"

"Yeah and, when he came round to mine two weeks ago before he dropped me at the hospital, dad and I had a fight,"

"What about?"

"Emmett. I mean, who _doesn't_ know the Cullen's in this small part of the country? Anyway when I asked him to go out I didn't mention the person who was going to be joining me,"

"Oh,"

"Dad doesn't want me seeing Emmett, his reputation speaking volumes about how he may treat me and the parental protection act kicked into play and, the whole thing had to be called off,"

"Is there some way to convince your dad that Emmett has changed?"

"Believe me; my dad is stubborn at the best of times. As long as his daughter is still a child by law his say is paramount and there can be no room to compromise. I've tried,"

"I take it you told Em,"

"Yes and, to be honest he seemed a little hurt by it. Maybe that sounds strange but, we had nothing to talk about, my dad's words hanging over my head like a bad smell, I told him that I'd text him however, I couldn't bring myself to do it,"

"That would explain the silence for a fortnight,"

"What?"

"Emmett is quiet nowadays, that of course is unlike him and none of us wanted to speak to him about it, I mean has he tried to text you to ask how you are?"

"No...I just understood that because I didn't bother he wouldn't either,"

"Emmett wouldn't bother you, not when your mum is still ill."

"I should talk to him, but not right now. This is too public,"

"Sounds like me when I first started dating Edward. I wanted to lie in bed with him all day, forget about education or going to school...Just stay under the duvet and hide with the one piece of heaven, but sometimes a girl has to bite the bullet,"

"Luckily he stays away from that table. Rosalie and Tanya may as well take endless amounts of pictures of my face from the way she is looking at me. Do you think she knows?"

"How would she, I mean he doesn't hang around with them?"

"I know but, those people always find ways and means to find out information that need be kept a secret. I just hope she doesn't, facing her is not a part of my agenda at the moment,"

"What have you got to lose? What is she going to say? You're stealing my man? Come on, Emmett found a better person to spend his time with,"

"That's the point, we haven't spent any time together – at least not properly and not worrying about who may see us, now with my dad we may as well stay a lie and live in pretence that life is dandy running through the tulips,"

"Oh Jesus!"

Rosalie had stood up from the table and much to the dismay of her posse had made her way over to our usual table. There had been nothing but disadvantages when those people came over here, what was their problem? I suddenly felt panic and the reality that the bitch may know about Emmett and Tor and no matter what, if she wanted a fight then she was going to find one at my knuckles. That gesture was not enough for how much shit she had made me feel like in being with Edward, she wasn't going to hand over the curse to my best friend now, not a chance in hell!

"Hello girls!" This was where the sweet and forced voice came into the picture, Tor put down her food her lips mashed hard together. Anger fell over both of us then and there.

"What do you want, Rosalie?" I asked taking the lead and hopefully finding an end to this rain on our day.

"I actually came here to speak to Victoria,"

"What about?" Tor asked her elbow resting on the table, of course like any great person she was not showing any enthusiasm to the concept that a popular girl would wish to speak to a nobody like her.

"A little bird told me that Emmett took you to the hospital the other weekend,"

_Fuck maybe she did know? God someone just shoot her, at least let me have the gun!_

"So, is there a problem?"

"There was us thinking that Edward had turned into a psycho with you know, involving himself with _that_. Come on, it's a coincidence that he got a job at that run-down rubbish bin of the football club and then you get a job, there too,"

"Not a coincidence. I worked there, first!"

"I warned Bella and now I am warning you, she can have Edward but no one can take Emmett away from me,"

"Shall we speak about delusion, Rosalie? Okay, how about using a man because of knowing his feelings for you, Emmett really like you, hell he may have even loved you and what is your returning favour? Placing a bet to let him take down Bella, who would do that to their 'boyfriend'?"

"He loves me; he won't ever love you,"

"That might be true but we are not involved that way, Rosalie. To be honest I wouldn't want to become involved with a guy who probably caught something from you and your poodle, Tanya,"

"Having a little high school crush on your best friend's boyfriend can make a person lonely. Now, Emmett is the fall for your rejection at losing your precious Edward, to none other than your best friend. That has got to feel bad, like a betrayal almost!"

"Rosalie, go crawl into a hole and die. Life is not going to be kind to you and all the people who have been victimised by you will raise better in their own lives when the law of Karma comes and pulls down on your plastic arse. Emmett and I are friends and yes, he is over you now in my opinion he should have seen you for the bitch that you are, sooner,"

"Is there a problem here?" Emmett suddenly appeared, I took a large bite of sandwich not noticing how much tenseness was hanging over the lunch table. Rosalie took one look at Emmett and then back down to Tor, the closeness of their bodies and how he looked severely pissed off. I hated to say that I was so proud of my best friend, she and I could dish it out now better than we ever could. Was it the Cullen luxuries? "Some day, he will come back to me and until then, I will enjoy watching you burn slowly,"

"Actually, the day I ever consider coming back to you will be when I am pushing daisies and six feet underground. A little birdie told me that you are currently enjoying some lesbian play with Tanya. Is that true?" I almost choked on my food at the disclosing of that information from Emmett, and the bluntness of how it was delivered. The guy was truly over the insane heartless bitch that was Rosalie. The two girls were so royally fucked up that the statement did not seem so far from the mark.

"Why would I want to be with a girl when I am straight?"

"Are you sure about that?" Emmett continued "this is coming from the same person who has a secret hidden lesbian stash of porn. Porn that she offered to give to me at one point. Shall we play insults, Rosalie because alcohol can bring out the truth in people? Don't you agree?"

Rosalie flipped her hair behind her shoulder as she turned on her heel and went back to her table. Tor rose from ours and gave me a small but apologetic smile before walking away from our spot and out of the canteen altogether. Emmett perched on the edge of the bench.

"What happened, Bella?"

"Don't worry, just the usual 'you're not good enough to be with a Cullen' speech. Those girls actually believe that both of you would go back there,"

"Well there was a time when I'd have donated an arm and a leg to go back there but now, I can't believe that I ever had feelings for that,"

"Neither do I,"

"Thanks Bella," Emmett left the bench and I liked being alone, especially when I knew that he was going to Tor, the guy was caring so much for her, if that last gesture and action didn't prove that then nothing could.

~~**~Emmett~**~~

Rosalie was a cold-hearted bitch, that much proved more fact with each passing day and coming into the canteen and watching her attempt to tear Tor to pieces made me want to stand-in. I hadn't lied about any of the things I said, besides I did swear her to secrecy when we were 'together' that those secrets would never make it out in public. We had made promises, I more than her and so my payback in saying a goodbye to the person who I thought she was, which was no more than a fantasy made me feel better. Bullies pray on the weak, I, admittedly and regretfully knew that much and no one was going to make Tor more upset, not when she was fighting her own emotional battles as her mum stayed in hospital with no sign of coming home at any time soon. I ran to the nearest toilets, waited outside but having no luck then decided to go to where her locker was situated outside the noisiness of the common room. Luckily she was there, placing some equipment inside.

"Hey, are you alright?" It was a stupid question but, after what had just happened I was no longer going to doubt my concern about Tor. I wanted to hide it, in case she was afraid of what was going on between us in life's changing of events but, what the hell? The girl was about to be humiliated publically and humiliation is hard enough to deal with without the hundreds of eyes staring at you as well.

"I'm fine. I am sorry I didn't text you,"

Tor not texting me had made me feel more worried, but I figured in her best interest that there was a reason as to why, sometimes I needed to hear both sides of a story and as she was now considered a friend, probably my only friend outside of Bella I owed my silence and understanding to her.

"Don't worry; I thought there was a reason,"

"Mum is getting worse, they keep saying that she is suffering mostly from exhaustion but, I know better. My dad knows better and she was falling in her mood before she went in, we think it's something emotional...Not knowing makes her situation even more hopeless. I wanted to text you, my dad still pays for my bill until July and, he would recognise the number that was the most frequent in my costing calls and texts,"

"Oh, listen don't listen to Rosalie,"

"I didn't. There was a time where that kind of thing would have caused a breakdown and a bigger heap of embarrassment but, who is she? People like that will never become to anything and, as long as I have people around who care about me, I guess that is all that matters,"

"It is all that matters,"

"Why did you step in, I had it all under control?"

"I wanted to. I have wanted to speak to her for the past week, to let her know how I felt and how she made me feel but, what's the point when she verbally attacks my friends. The girl is insane and she and Tanya are better off together,"

"Was that true? That Rosalie is a lesbian?"

"Rosalie was bisexual for years, always admitting that she was straight so as not to live with the judgement that she could face from others at her true sexual orientation. I know better, she always liked girl-on-girl through real experiments or on video,"

"Damn I wouldn't have her down as that. Listen, Emmett, thank you for being there but...With you stepping in and getting involved like that makes others think that there is something going on, something more than friendship. I know how this school talks better than anyone and I don't want you or me to be the brunt of it,"

"I'm sorry...I just figured that she needed to be put into her place,"

"I know. Just not with me, that's all,"

"I was only trying to help you, man what is the matter with you and Bella? Why should you care about what others think?"

"You know how they have thought, Emmett. You may have even been the ringleader in the rumours that have gone round these last years, why even ask that question?"

"Yes, this is all going to come back on me, and it should. I am changing, Tor and not for the worst and when I see a friend being degraded like that how could you question my actions, anyway?"

"They were honourable and your heart was in the right place but, I could have taken her,"

"I'm not saying you wouldn't have done, I needed the closure...If anything that was for me," _don't lie, idiot! It was all for her!_

"Perhaps it is best if we don't talk to each other, anymore. School makes everything shittier and, my dad was right, in a way I have neglected my mother. Just because I wanted days to be normal but how can it be when she is always in my head and I am constantly worrying about what's happening, my fingertips touching my phone to wait for the dreaded ring to find out her fate. I can't do that to her,"

"Don't say that your father is right, he may be right about me but no one could do more for your mother than you, that hospital has become your second home. Everything between us is gone, just like that? Don't I get a say?"

"You'll only persuade me, otherwise,"

"What is wrong with us talking? I feel like a disease that needs to be fought off, what is so wrong, Tor. What are you not telling me?"

"Nothing is wrong; perhaps this is just _me_ and _my _issues. Having you around makes me feel better than I have done in a long, long time but my life is crap and I don't have much of an interesting personal life to back that up,"

"This is about who you are as a person, Tor, really?"

"Yes, I am a lonely person and Rosalie may be right, I could get to a point where I could consider you more as a friend but come on, after what has happened in the past and where we have come. We couldn't,"

"Do you feel more for me, then?" _Fucking hell, why go and say that, arsehole?_

"No, you're Emmett Cullen. No one can feel anything for a Cullen and hope to see a long relationship, it's only a matter of time before something ends, something so happy that the heartbreak becomes too much to live with,"

"So...Just like your dad, you're cutting me off after only a few weeks? What's the point in anything happening, Tor? We have no control over life, we are only young and there will be so much more shit out there to fall on us. I care about you, wasn't that all that mattered?"

"Maybe being alone is the better option right now. That way, my mum can recover at some point and life can go back to its usual routine. The concern that I have not found anyone yet and we as a family can go back to the set-ups with the friend's sons and-" I took Tor's shoulders and forced her to look me in the eye, she buckled under my touch but did not move.

"Look at me, in both eyes and tell me that you don't want me around, anymore. If that is what you want then I'll go, but don't feed me bullshit about how life is a struggle, Tor. I already know that life is hard,"

Tor let out a sigh and her eyes fell to the floor, she couldn't look me in the eye, I knew that she was lying. "See, I know you can't tell me because I won't be able to tell you that I don't want this to work,"

"What is this, anyway?"

"I leant in closer to her body, the scent of her hair paralyzing me for a moment before my mouth landed, inches away from her ear my head against the locker. "This is the start of something new" I whispered releasing my hands from her shoulders and stepping away from her, she closed her eyes and let a few gentle tears fall from them down the smooth skin of her face. Even when she cried she looked so striking, the more I stared at her face and the more my eyes loomed into hers, she became more and more beautiful.

"I won't text you; I won't talk to you if that is what you want. Know this, though, Tor. I want to be around you just as much and maybe even more. I don't care about your life so much as I care about the head you carry on those shoulders. The courage you have in standing up to that bitch shows that you have already changed from the person you once were. I am not perfect, but my past cannot always be a reason for you to avoid me, I don't want you to avoid me."

Those last words were my cue to leave, yes she was emotional but, my time had run out. There was nothing that could be done than to lay this to rest, the ball was in her court to choose besides my head was so scrambled it was the first moment in my life where just the idea of seeing a shrink seemed appealing. I didn't understand what women could do to men, no matter what their age. So fantastically bizarre and complicated that I didn't know whether to run a mile or stay beside Tor half the time. I wanted to be with her more than just in an empty corridor in school, school was not the greatest of locations to have that kind of talk because of the risk of being caught but, the other half of me didn't care whether we got caught, I wanted us to get caught because people needed to know that they shouldn't fuck about with nice and genuine people who just need to be cut some slack in life.

I almost sprinted to the library; again the first time in my life where I had come to this part of the school at all, Edward was more of the bookworm in the family. Hence why I didn't need to think twice as to where he was going to be, being the more intelligent and more introverted brother he had more appeal to this place whereas I couldn't even read English half the time and my English teachers gave up on me in year nine, anyway.

Edward was sitting on his own, underneath the classic literature section, figures as he was taking up AS English for the second year in a row...I sat down ignoring the muttering and whispers of the other people around us and I watched my little bro raise his head and close the book.

"Em, what's up?"

"If Rosalie or Tanya speak any shit about Victoria, please shove their heads down a bog!"

"Whoa, man you look like you have just run a marathon, slow down and breathe. What happened?"

"I walked into the canteen and saw Rosalie digging into Tor, Bella saw it all and she'll probably tell you about it, later,"

"What did she say?"

"What _didn't _she say? Jesus bro we have dug coffins for ourselves for the way we have behaved. No matter how much you wish to convince people that there is a change there they bring all the past back up,"

"Is Tor okay?"

"Yes, I mean I don't know...We had a moment, not that kind of moment but like a moment where...I mean, the conversation got a little deep, buddy and well-"

"Emmett you're not making any sense,"

"This may be funny to you, Edward but I can't get this girl out of my head. I mean one minute she wants to chop off my nuts to wear as earrings and the next minute we can hold a great conversation. I am walking on land mines around her but, there's no comparison to Rosalie or to anyone else and this is all new to me, I mean I know this feeling and the last time this happened I ended up feeling like shit-"

"Are you saying that there may be more feeling for Victoria behind the physical demeanour, Em?"

"What was it like, with Bella? How did you know where things changed?"

"I guess my essay can wait, luckily I was on the evaluation anyway,"

"Huh?"

"Never mind. Look, I don't know the exact moment, now the memories about us getting together seem so blurry, like a dream but...I guess spending time with Bell and realising that she was so interesting, more interesting with every new layer to her personality made me want to be with her, more,"

"Fuck it..I am screwed, what the hell am I doing?"

"I believe that a girl has found her way to get to you, Em. Besides, Tor is not Rosalie and trust me if that bitch says anything about Tor, or even Bella she won't hear the end of it from me,"

"Can you believe that we are fighting against them when only a short time ago we would have been joining in with the whole, 'find the weaklings' shit?"

"Not really but this is where I want to be, anyway, Tor is stronger than people realise...She will see the end of this,"

"Rosalie got creamed by both of us. I had to step in, man...Watching her speak to those two like that finally makes sense as to how much panic they create in themselves when walking around this dump – how they worry about what people think if they step out the wrong way, what has this school turned into?"

"Bella is always worried about me, she works herself up into a frenzy and nothing that I say or do can ever stop that from happening, it's a habit that I won't be able to break for a long while,"

"Does it not drive you mad?"

"I feel a little angry because I put myself out there all the time, I have to tell her I love her without taking the time to hold it back...I have to say it but sometimes she won't believe me, I don't mind it at all but she doesn't have to put herself down because so many others have in the past,"

"How was the date?"

"Incredible, now I want to do more things with her...I don't want to have the whole 'sex' talk with you, Emmett but words cannot describe how much I want to...You know,"

"Yeah. I remember when sex was the only thing that made me feel better, whenever I didn't have a cigarette to smoke or a bottle of alcohol to neck that was the one action that took all the shit away, for a few minutes, anyway. So what is wrong in that area with you two?"

"Nothing is wrong; we just haven't got there, yet. I'd wait forever for her, Em but there are moments when I doubt myself and believe that because of her fear we will never be able to experience that,"

"Don't worry. I have missed this whole brother talking...It's been years,"

"Tell me about it. If you weren't so much of an arsehole then we could have picked this up a while ago,"

"Edward you weren't exactly a bacon double cheeseburger, either. Bella just needs to realise that she wants to have that and, believe me when that moment happens there will be no going back,"

"I long for it. Tor needs time, too. Having her mother ill can make anyone jumbled in their head. What it comes down to, her decision will be about whether she really wants to have someone else to care for her. Bella and her could be sisters in the reality that they have been a 'solve their own problems' kind of girls most of their lives. Adjusting to change is difficult, she will decide what is right for her and, Emmett you need to respect whatever that may be,"

"Don't worry dude I hear you. I wish there was a 'reset' button to take away this day and start again,"

"All part of living, my friend,"

"Do you have plans, later?"

"I have to work, probably will be a late one. Why?"

"I just wondered whether we should go out again, just the two of us for old times' sake,"

"Don't take me to the last bar we went to. The security guard must have taken out some kind of restraining order against us; maybe we could go out sometime in the week,"

"Oh right I was going to tell you...Alice is coming back down for the week, something about quitting university and visiting family. Facebook is now the place for social events and invites,"

"Alice, really?"

"That shit with her and Jasper went down ages ago, well it wasn't so much shit as she did the dirty on him, I say good for her – he needed a taste of his own medicine. Something about a party she is throwing,"

"At her family's house?"

"Do you remember how rich her family were, Edward? The girl probably has her _own_ house!"

"Still the same place?"

"Yeah. Fancy it?"

"Sure but, I am worried about Bella. She and Alice have never met but I think Bell knows of the whole cheating thing between Alice and Hale,"

"Who doesn't? Anyway if she doesn't want to come that's cool. I was heading down there so, the invite is there,"

"Thanks bro,"

"Oh and if this conversation falls on Bella's ears, I will have to kill you,"

"Oh come on...I can't keep secrets from her...What kind of boyfriend would that make me?"

"You're so whipped, Ed,"

"Yeah...So are you. Only the lucky girl doesn't know it, yet."

~~**~Bella~**~~

"Hey, are you okay?"

I caught Tor at the lockers at the final sound of the end bell. Relieved that this day was finally coming to a close and that some much-needed sleep could be grabbed now that the weekend was here.

"Yeah, I am sorry I went all Forrest Gump and ran out like that,"

"Don't apologise...Rosalie needs to be put in her place. I am proud of you for standing up to her,"

"Years in the making yet something inside of me wanted to come out. I am a little comforted knowing that she can't get to me, anymore...Nothing can be worse than what is going on right now, anyway,"

"Did Emmett come to see you?"

"Yeah and the conversation went a little weird,"

"What do you mean?"

"I feel like I am in limbo when it comes to him, Bella. I haven't fully opened up to him like the way true friends should, like you and me for example but I haven't stayed closed and secretive, either. One minute I want him around and then the next I am pushing him away without realising that the words are flying out of my mouth. I talk to him like shit and he doesn't deserve that,"

"What did happen?"

"I said that us not talking would be best, considering that my father would be wanting his head on a stick if he ever caught Emmett at the house and, my life is not that of Rosalie's or Tanya's and as much as I'd rather burn myself alive than to live like they do...I fear that I may never be good enough to be his friend,"

"What are you talking about? Emmett really cares about you and in the beginning I was a little shocked that he had begun to speak with you but, it's the best thing that has ever happened to him. He doesn't drive people to hospitals for the fun of it. Why would he offer to take you places if there wasn't a place inside him that didn't care?"

"So you have never felt lower than Edward, never once felt undeserving to have him?"

"That's different,"

"No it's not. Friendship came before the love with you and Edward, when you were friends you must have felt the same,"

"Yes I did and...I still do and...I am working to resolve that, slowly."

"What I am feeling...Isn't normal, it doesn't feel normal,"

"Describe it to me, in simple words?"

"I can't even do that. My head is a mess, I want a friend and I need someone by my side but they're two different things. Having a friend to ring when alone in bed is different to that of needing someone to hold you,"

"I know you want that, Tor,"

"Can Emmett stay my friend? Will he always be there? I can't put my trust in someone if there is one shimmer of a doubt that he will go at an opportune moment, turn against me for no given reason like so many others have done?"

"He is not like other people. Can you answer me one thing, honestly and as my best friend?"

"Sure,"

"Do you believe deep down that Emmett can be a friend, just someone to ring or text when the going gets tough, that he will answer and be there whenever you ask him to come?"

"Yes,"

"Then there's your answer. Don't cut him short, Tor...Trusting Edward is still something that I am about two percent short of but that's not because of him, not because of how he feels for me. My low self-confidence and esteem in my own self make me do that and I hate it, I hate that he may doubt me as a result of that. Don't let your low opinion rule over the rest of your life. Forget about your dad, just for a moment and think about how much life would change if there was someone at your side,"

"I have already thought of that, every night before I go to sleep...I always dwell,"

"We have that in common. Now, come on we should be going..."

I linked Tor's arm in mine and headed out the school entrance. School was not so much of a shark tank now that we have had this kind of day. The day that makes our behaviour change and make friendships stronger. I was no idiot, I knew already that Tor was slowly getting deeper with Emmett but, speaking of it was not my place nor was it my business in the first place. Instead, I remained quiet and always a listener. There to offer my opinion whenever it was needed.

Edward waved at me as we walked out arm in arm, Emmett had turned on the spot and upon looking at Tor he walked away with his arms in his pockets, I stopped walking and pulled Tor closer to me.

"Don't worry, things will be better, come and get a lift home with us. The last thing you want is to get a bus right now."

With a nod she followed me to Edward's car, in which my friend and boyfriend exchanged a friendly greeting, I looked over at Emmett's Jeep his eyes locked with mine as he sat motionless in the driver's seat and I shook my head giving him the sign that Tor was not ready to speak to him right then and there.

Edward kissed my cheek and let me in the car.

As we all got belted up, Edward stopped before turning the key in the ignition.

"Who fancies going to a party this week?"


	59. Clutching Friendships

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

*(Thursday Night)*

"Edward are you serious about this?" Bella asked me, wrapping her arms tighter around my shoulders as we lay together on my bed. "I mean I don't know anything about this Alice, only from what people were saying about her relationship with Jasper,"

"Oh my love it was hardly a relationship,"

"I know that but, what does she do...What did she study in University before she decided to throw in the towel?"

"There will be her own reasons for quitting but she went into fine art I think,"

"Don't you know?"

"We grew up together, her, Emmett, Jasper, Jacob and I kind of like our own little crowd. Alice was the only person whose family moved away from this area, before secondary school. High expectations from her parents led her away and so, like they both desired her further education in studying a degree was set in place,"

"What happens now?"

"Alice is a free spirit, of a sounder mind than anyone I have ever met and her enthusiasm for life in general gives me no doubt as to whether she will find another path. That much is set in stone, believe me when I tell you that she is nice my Bell. Nicer than any other women in the school outside of you and Tor,"

"Why did she go out with Jasper?"

"They always liked each other, even when we were kids they were involving themselves in kiss chase and Alice was stealing all the good toys out of the sandpit just to spite Jasper and get him in a mood. The two of them were like the perfect future couple as children, everyone who chose not to speak about it were thinking that fact. Jasper changed from the way he had always been, becoming like Emmett, Jacob and I in his attitude and, being together meant that Alice was facing constant competition to keep him by her side. Cheating can only carry on for so long before someone decides that they don't want to face the upset, anymore. Alice decided to give Jasper a taste of what he was making her feel like and, in the end they destroyed one another. They have never spoken, again,"

"I can't believe Jasper could do something like that, not cherish the fact that he had a girl who liked him,"

"Alice loved Jasper. Probably because of that, she found it hard in cheating on him. I haven't spoken to her since, deciding that she did not want to be around me anymore because I was identical to Jasper,"

"What about now?"

"I don't know. Maybe she will see some good in me, I lost a good friend from my own stupid choices in Alice and not a day goes by where she crossed my mind – not in the same way that you are always in my head of course-"

"Edward, is this really the best idea?"

"I miss her, Bell. I haven't been to a party since I have had you in my life and now, you're going to be with me aren't you?"

"Sure. What about Tor, we should invite her?"

"Tor might not come, with her mum and Emmett is taking the decision to let her be...Being there will probably make her more lonely because she is not beside my brother like the way you will be with me,"

"Shall I ring her and ask?"

"It's worth asking, now what will my angel be wearing?"

"I may decide against wearing my halo tonight, I miss spending time like this, just the two of us,"

"I know the job makes our time together short-lived baby but, all the more reason to keep you with me until the last moments of a late shift begin,"

"I was thinking about wearing the white dress, the first dress you ever saw me in at Rosalie's party,"

"Oh that dress can do so many things to a man fighting self-control,"

Bella weeded out of my arms and lifted her body, resting her weight on one elbow against the mattress; she turned her head the strawberry smell washing over me from the movement of her hair. I took in the glorious chocolate colour of her eyes, not noticing the sparkle that lay there from the light in the room. "Perhaps I don't want you to be controlled, tonight,"

"What?"

"Considering there will be alcohol and...Who knows what might happen?"

"God don't say those things to me, you still don't have a clue about what you can do to me, Bell,"

"Tell me," I began to get the fiendish and all too familiar signs of arousal in my body, from inside and outside, Bella masterfully played the innocent with the seductive side and I was powerless to resist her. Bella's hand began to ghost along my stomach, her fingers lining my abdominal muscles and all control was about to be lost – the happy Edward junior making an appearance and coming out to play. I didn't want to scare her away, being someone who had not seen such things about the male body and honestly, I was supposed to be the person that stopped it. However, the softness of her skin...

_Oh her beautiful skin!_

"Edward?"

"Bella, we can't do this, not here, not now,"

"Why not?"

"I won't be able to hold on to the control...I don't want to lose myself with you...I mean, unless-"

"Edward my love, you're stammering,"

"This is what you do to me,"

"Fine...No skin contact; just tell me Edward...Tell me how I make you feel?"

"Oh Bella I ache to be near you, the warmth of your skin and the velvet softness drives me insane, I want to kiss those plump, pink lips until they are swollen red, worship your neck the beating of your heart against my own lips...Trail my nose along the flatness of your stomach,"

"Edward...Can you touch me?" Bella asked, her voice breaking from the emotion that I had brought out in here, the rate of my breathing had increased in moments and it was almost embarrassing at how heavy my panting was even to my own ears. I almost died then and there at her question, her eyes staring into mine with no sign of hesitation or doubt as to what she had just asked me. Swallowing, I nodded.

"What do you want me to do?" I whispered Bella took one of my hands and guided me upward from the bed; she laid down her head at the foot of my bed the grip still hard on my hand. I struggled to find the right movement in my legs, the shaking preventing me from hovering completely over her; I resorted to placing my weight on my knees and resting them on the duvet as I allowed Bella to take control of the situation.

I watched her in awe, my eyes hooding down in more throbbing passion building up from my very soul, my hand passed the fabric of her top and the flames from her angelic skin's heat tingled my fingertips, my girl threw her head further and further back into the duvet beneath us as my destination moved higher and higher so torturously slowly until I passed the valley between her breasts. I choked on a breath, knowing where she would want me and not having the intelligence to see this beforehand. I didn't want to back out of this, I wanted to touch her more than anything else in the world but her doubt stopped me from taking back the lead. Gasping, she left my hand on her bare left breast and the shock went through me like fire.

"Bella, why aren't you wearing a bra?" Not that I was complaining at all.

"I didn't want anything in the way," she breathed using her own hands to lift the hem of her top upwards, the round feeling of her wanting chest heightened as my hand began to slowly caress her, the swelling of her nipple evident against my palm. I was so turned on that now; there was no time for thought...This was animal instinct.

"Oh I have wanted to touch you for so long, Bell"

"I know Edward, I know," her hair sprawled around her head like a halo, she was my angel, my passionate, loving angel and no one was going to take this moment away from me, not even my own doubt. Her bare torso was revealed to me, my other hand wasting no time in moving my attention to her right breast, she felt so incredible under my touch her body warm and inviting to my cooler fingertips and I was enthralled by the way my Bell was reacting to me.

"How can this feel so good, baby?" she breathed, I leant down closer bringing my mouth inches from hers, her eyes opening as I gravitated closer.

"Kiss me, Bell...God you're so incredible, so beautiful...Please my love, kiss me?" I pleaded, with a smile she obliged, cupping my face and bringing her lips to mine, pulling me closer to her as she entwined me in a cocoon, I couldn't believe what had come over her and I was ready to do some bad things to her, forgetting what real intimacy and desire felt like and wanting to grab as much of these emotions as possible.

~~**~Bella~**~~

Edward was making me feel unbelievable; his touch on me is something that I hadn't ever wondered what this could feel like, nothing like fantasy and in those secret dreams in female life which no one will ever hope to know about, maybe perhaps the occasional friend.

I denied him because of my fear and now, in this moment fighting for dominance with his mouth, our tongues dancing sensuously, good God how had I ever denied this? How could I have been afraid of this when every nerve ending in my body was screaming at me to pretty much strip down to nothing? Edward's touch was pure brilliance, sounds cheesy and a little stupid but I was in such a drunken, lustful haze that forming a sentence was deemed impossible. All I knew then and there was to bring him even closer to me, his mouth leaving mine allowing me time to breathe as he continued down to my neck. My hips began their lifting from the duvet, even thought I had no idea about where Edward's hips were, on their own accord my hips, with a mind of their own began to gain some friction from any part of his body, I let my guard down and now, I didn't want him to stop.

Edward's lips tantalized my neck, his lips melding to the centre to the base and getting into the sensitive areas of hollow and I was lapping the feelings up like a starved man, he could create so much within me that I couldn't ever have imagine ever feeling so good about myself and good about ourselves.

"I love you," he whispered trailing tender kisses along my jaw line.

"I love you too" I answered him, unable to recognise my own voice in the emotion crashing around me.

Edward came to a stop as he reached my chest and lifted up his head, I was bare from the hips up without counting the roll of fabric that was my top around my neck, smiling he took the hem and pulled it back down letting me breathe in and out for the first time since he began to explain what he wanted to do to me. At this words, at the honesty he showed there was a fire within me, the doubt in my head replaced with the 'why not?" question, why couldn't he do those things? Why should I keep denying him when it was now set in stone that I wanted it, too? I was a little disappointed at his pause and covering of my body back up but, there were others in the house and this was not the kind of predicament that I would like to be involved in when Emmett bowled through the door, unexpectedly.

"Sorry, I wanted to carry on, Bell. God I can't say that enough but, we have a party to go to and...I don't really think people will appreciate my 'situation' as an entrance," his coyness made my eyes advert down automatically to his trousers and, realising that he was not joking with that comment all I could manage was a nervous chuckle. "See what you do, my love...You're dangerous,"

"I have never done that to anyone; I am a little surprised,"

"Don't be...Besides you're mine so no other fool will ever get to appreciate that. This is something that we share...Just us in here,"

I smiled and lifted myself up from the bed, taking my hand and running it through the mess of static electricity that was now my wild hair, what was the point in doing anything like this when I come up looking like the Grinch?

"So the white dress is a 'yes' then?"

~~**~Emmett~**~~

Thank God no fuckers were invited to this party. I wasn't going to stand there and listen to anymore bullshit from the people that shit on my life for the rest of my future in this village. Jacob, Jasper, Tanya and Rosalie could all go hang because Alice was smart enough to not get involved with them, anymore. I always liked Alice more so than I realised as a child, honestly there was a little child crush there but it soon went when she started making fun of Jasper, the way that a little girl flirts without realising they're flirting until they look back on it in ten years time. I had nothing from Tor, my phone may as well be locked in a cupboard with the only messages coming through were from my family, never had I never had a reason to overuse the battery on that thing, not to mention my phone bill at the end of each month as well – I didn't know what to wear to this soirée, I hadn't gone out and gotten clothes in forever, not after last time when mum tried to put me in a tie and suit. That died before it even got started, a part of me didn't care because the last time I wore these clothes I was drinking like a fish and high on drugs. Yes, I was pissed as anything but unlike some people I had a memory of all the stupid drunken encounters I had gotten into and everyone else's memory. Remembering stupidity for yourself takes the edge off of others making your behaviour their chance to mock and take the mickey out of you for the next month until something else happens.

My abandoned phone sat on my unmade bed, my body aching to get in there and bury myself underneath the heat from the duvet but what was the point? A guy could have fun, especially when he was not looking for a time to 'pull'. A night out in the past meant that I would be making out with complete strangers and not having the right emotional response to my actions, not remorse or regret anyway and that was where I had gone wrong. I cast my mind back on what happened last week, Edward and I had for the first time in years actually spoken about the topics that matter to a person, at least the subject of a long-lasting relationship and I realised when I left the library how much those talks had mattered in the past and how they mattered now. My brother, even though there were years of bad blood and competition between us, and frankly I had not treated him right as a younger brother or protected him like a normal sibling would he was always a great person to confide in. Fuck the whole 'men can't talk' opinion that went around, we guys could have a conversation that okay, was not on the same emotional level as women could speak with one another because they were the much more emotional gender but, speaking with Edward cleared my head more than if I spoke to mum. Mum would only tell me to follow my heart or to be patient and, not speaking to Tor was not an act of patience, I needed her to understand that if she desired space and wanted to be alone then I would follow through and not place anymore pressure on her shoulders because of my own needs to be around her. I was going into more than friendship territory, I had been in love with Rosalie for a long time and I was no stranger to what they felt like but I wasn't in love with Tor, yet. I had only just got talking to her, but she was like my own personal brand of cocaine, tempting me and alluring me to her side before my brain kicked in and before the realisation of what I was doing dawned on me. The girl owned me.

There was a gentle knock at my door and Bella came in, her eyes coming up to meet mine as she saw me pacing around the room. "Hey Emmett,"

"Bella...What's up?"

"I was wondering whether I could use your phone to ring Tor, personal financing won't allow me to stretch to my own phone right now and I need to ask her something about tonight,"

"Are you going to invite her?"

"Yeah...I was thinking about it. Is it a bad idea?"

"No. I mean the invitation is always nice to have, would make her feel included but...I suppose she will be at the hospital tonight with her dad, she has not spent so much time at home recently,"

"Yes that was what worried me. I want her to come out and enjoy herself but, how can I say that when she is suffering so badly? The thought of going to the hospital, myself had crossed my mind but, then to her dad it might feel like an invasion and a family should have private time in situations like that,"

"I wouldn't know,"

"Em. Do you think that she would react differently if _you_ asked her to come to the party?"

"What?"

"Oh forget it, that was a stupid idea,"

"If she wants to be with her mum, then no one is going to make her change her decision,"

"Are you falling for her, Emmett? You'd tell me, right?"

At her question, I sat down on my bed wanting to hide in a cave and not come back up, again. "I don't know, Bella. I want to give up with this whole thing, a small part of me wants to forget and not dwell about what may be going on in her head and whether she may actually want me around. Then, I can't stay away...I don't have the ability to forget what's going on because she might need someone. Okay, to put it lightly...I am fucking screwed,"

"You're not screwed," Bella closed the door and walked over to me, as she sat down beside me the weight of the bed made it descend lightly underneath my own weight. Bella was always the next person to speak to outside of my brother, being Tor's friend she may be able to help me out. "I haven't known Tor that long and to be honest, we may be alike in some cases but she is much more secretive than me, not to mention more emotional and sensitive. Loneliness can make someone vulnerable and, she may not quite know how to manage speaking to a guy because there is limited experience on her side. When I first met Edward, I couldn't even speak understandable English!"

"Bella, when did your feelings change?"

"When Edward began to show me that he had become more honest and that he was willing to make amends, I had to be honest with myself and realise that we were never going to be just 'friends' some people are just written in the stars,"

"Crap more love shit,"

"Yeah the love shit kind of comes with the whole book. Comes like word vomit and there is no stopping the cheese, strong or not,"

"Do you really think Tor wants me as a friend?"

"I know she does. Tor's just scared Em, she's scared about letting people in because there has always been unnecessary judgement from other people and, that comes with low self-confidence. Like a vicious circle believe me I am still trying to fight it,"

"Why do you feel like that?"

"I have never had a boyfriend or even someone who I care about so much and would protect with my dying breath. Talking to men never came easily to me, either there was only my dad and he was my biggest role model – losing him was hell and, Tor is going through the same feelings as I did when I found out my father was ill. Wanting to push people away but battling with the need to have someone cuddle you, hold you close and speak of how everything will be alright even though it might not be,"

"So what should I do?"

"Want do you want to do?"

"I want to see whether she is alright, say to hell with her dad and just be there, even if she pushes me away then she knows that I am on the other end of the phone. I want her to know that I will listen,"

"Then what's stopping you?"

"I don't want to go there and have the trip be pointless I mean, hospitals are not my cup of tea, Bell and working myself up in a frenzy with that phobia is bad enough without having to get the lecture from her dad. I respect his decision to protect her but, I am not like that anymore, Bella and I hate the way that I have branded myself as this heartless monster,"

"You're not a monster. The journey you've made is one that should be taken with pride, I am proud of you...And Edward of course,"

"My brother is one lucky bastard,"

"Trust me. I am the lucky one, he is patient with me and that is what you have to be with Tor. I know already that she feels more for you, her doubt in who she is just makes that impossible to be around or to fully trust a guy. Girls know these things,"

"Thanks Bell. Sometimes speaking to someone other than my mum helps,"

"I get that. Anyway, I don't think I will invite her but, could you just send her a message from me...Just to say that I am thinking about her, how we all are,"

"Sure...You better get ready for the party,"

"Are you coming?"

"Yeah might make an appearance,"

"Good."

~~**~Bella~**~~

I tried desperately a few hours later to swallow away the gradual nausea in my stomach; its trail up my oesophagus was not helping matters and the fact that I had to walk down the stairs in another pair of torture heels. I'd refuse but, somehow I don't think converse will look good with a dress, at least not a real cocktail dress like the one I had on. Perhaps I lacked nerve to go different and have trainers with a formal outfit. This dress made me feel more at home with my skin, with the memories that came with the beauty of the creamy white lace and sequins. This was the dress in which every nerve in my body screamed to go with Edward as he picked me up from the pavement – shielding me from the deathly cold that could have been the source of my pushing up daisies underground. Besides, I felt more alive – more so today than any other because I had pushed away all doubt and finally experienced my boyfriend's hands on my toasty, wanting skin and now, there was no going back to how life was. That touch made me keel with just focusing on the flashbacks and images inside my head, how my heart swelled out of my body altogether and soared in the air from the soft connection of desire and lust...After this day, I couldn't go back.

Holding onto the banister for dear life, I smiled at Edward as he waited for me by the front door, wearing the most stunning emerald green shirt, an almost identical shade to the dress I wore on our first date. Finding comfort on the ground, his hand wrapped in mine as we came together, I studied his reaction as his eyes moved up and down my body and his arm reached out, I took it stepping down onto the flat floor never taking my eyes away from his.

"My beautiful Bell," he whispered kissing the back of my hand. "Are you ready?"

"Yes" I answered; we made our way out of the front door, the evening offering some pleasant cooling air from the heat that we had created in the house preparing for this.

As we headed to Edward's car, I couldn't get over how amazing his touch felt – how much emotion he was able to convey with just the simplest gestures. If I doubted before that he loved me completely, irrevocably and unconditionally then this was the turning point of belief. I wanted Edward in a sexual way, I have never felt more beautiful at the unknowing sensations and movements of my own body and how my soul could be reawakened into someone I never realised I could be. Physical touch is not something that I have fantasised that much about, since Edward came into my life to change my fortunes and now I am wondering how on earth it had never crossed my mind before. Fantasy is not so much fun as reality that much is always set in stone but, words cannot be enough living and being in that moment with the person you love with your whole heart. I have never once doubted my love for Edward, the love controls me from day to day, my own stupidity and low self-esteem had pushed him away and was still the issue in which we could not _fully_ be in the moment, Edward always having the nagging at the back of his mind that he has gone too far and that is all down to me. I regret that.

The heating came on in his car and like usual routine, he took my hand and held it close on one of his knees never breaking the heat from our skin – he was like a calling to me, his skin ached to be close to mine and what better way to have the same passion and inner desire than to trust him with my body intimately, I trusted him with my heart and my inner soul, the hardship was always the physical side to me. I did not like my body so instantly that made me believe, wrongly that Edward would not like it, either. That's the thing about low confidence; it can work you up into such a frenzy and a negativity that nothing can ever seem to change the pessimism.

I was beginning to see a new kind of light in myself.

I just hoped that I could keep it lit.

Twenty minutes later, with no conversation just pure contentment, Edward pulled up in front of some gates, the sign of gates always made me think of a huge mansion like something a rich American person living in Beverley Hills would own. My stomach churned at the possibility that we could be entering a place of luxury. The gates opened within seconds and I was a little surprised that there was not the intercom that you see in films, or even in everyday life where a person has to announce their arrival.

I could not see what was around the long gravelled path, but soon the house came into view and I swear to God my heart took a giant leap into my throat.

"Wow, you are really trying to kill me," I exclaimed to Edward who was smiling at my reaction.

"Alice's family comes from wealth, she has been fortunate to have financial security but I will tell you this now, baby. Alice is in no way, materialistic or even snobbish,"

"Really?"

"Yes, I like her because she lives life the way she wants to and makes her own decisions; she just takes the advantage of having an empty house and puts that to good use. You're going to like her, Bella and I already know that she is going to love you,"

"I hope so." I whispered biting down hard on my lower lip, no doubt drawing blood in the process. Edward pulled up and turned off the engine.

"There is still time to go, I won't take you in there if you're not comfortable, Bell,"

"What and miss out on the drink and music, come on I have never been to another party since Rosalie's and nothing could be more of a catastrophe than that. If I don't get out of this car, now I never will."

I linked my arm with Edward, there was a concrete staircase to the front door, the thumping of bass music just about audible – luckily there were no neighbours to complain or call the police on the soiree. Edward rang the bell and stepped back taking his hand from mine and wrapping it around my waist.

_Well Bella, here goes nothing!_

"Oh my God, that can't be Mr Edward Anthony Cullen!"

I was bowled over at how beautiful Alice was as she greeted us at the door, at least her _eyes_ were a feature that literally stunned me, so bright, blue and full of energy. Now, Edward's comments made some kind of sense. To be honest, just standing here before any of us had managed to speak anything I did feel a little intimidated by how great she looked. Basing on a first impression on appearance, Alice scored nothing but the highest marks, the girl knew how to accessorize and had a hold on fashion, that much was certainty.

"I never thought I'd see this day!" I scooted over to the side as Alice threw her arms around Edward; I watched his eyes sparkle and the smile creep the corners of his mouth upward. I had never seen anyone who could manage to make him smile like that. "I missed you, son of a gun how have you been?"

"If you'd let me talk, Mary Alice-"

"Don't you call me that, Edward or I may have to take you back down...I beat you at wrestling when we were nine and baby I can do it, again!"

"I have been great, actually...It's been so long, and so what is this about you quitting University?"

"Oh blah blah, pish posh nothing to concern your overly gorgeous head about...Besides isn't there someone we're forgetting-"Alice's eyes adverted to me and, instantly I wanted to vomit. I was intrigued by their greeting that even I forgot where I was for a moment; escapism always seemed to take place at the wrong moments in my life. Right now, of course was no exception.

"Oh, shit...Alice this is Bella. Bella this is Alice,"

"You have outdone yourself here my old friend, she's just positively stunning – that dress is so beautiful, where did you get it, honey bee?"

"It was Edward's mum's, she was kind enough to lend it to me,"

"A vintage lover like me, got to love the beautiful Esme...I should have played dress up in her closet whist I had the chance,"

"Ha ha," Edward interrupted, he clutched my hand tighter and Alice held open the front door to let us in, fortunately the weather tonight thus far was proving to be an advantage, moments after we had stepped into the house with the music blaring and various people chatting and laughing with the accompaniment of a drink in their hands, Alice seized my hand and pulled me to her side. "Now Edward, if you can bear to stay away from Bella for about five minutes, we will go and get some drinks and you can go and speak with your brother, he has been looking like a lost puppy for about half an hour,"

Edward gave me a questioning look but considering the forcefulness of Alice's hold, I nodded without a shadow of a doubt that I was about to be taken into a closet and attacked. I had been in Alice's company or a mere few seconds and already she gave me a sense of belonging. Maybe it was her kindness that shone from her own soul and out into the atmosphere or maybe it was because she was the second girl who had treated me like a human being from the word go. Edward walked away and, Alice was soon to link arms with mine and take me through to different areas of her house.

"So Bella, tell me a little bit about you, I mean it's not every day that Edward has looked so happy and, I have to know the person who has made that smile across his face?"

"I haven't seen him smile like the way he does with you, either,"

"Oh well, one of the perks of knowing a person since childhood. I mean, I have missed him – he was an idiot back then but seeing him now, a change is near,"

"I am pretty normal really, perfectly ordinary in fact. We go to the same school, we were neighbours and that's how we met-"

"I am guessing that you're not a part of the Rosalie and Tanya lipstick club, huh?"

"You know them?"

"Unfortunately I did, I was never one for them...I always thought they were intimidated by me and well, I used that to my advantage. Them drooling over my boyfriend, Jasper at the time didn't help the bitch fights, either,"

"Yeah, Edward told me about how you and Jasper went out, what happened there?"

"To be honest I have no idea. I was in love with him, those feelings I will never be able to deny as much as I wish to blame them on insecurity and desire for love and romance and hormones of puberty but, they were genuine and took me over. That is, until he found something _he_ wanted in someone else,"

"I'm sorry about that. I know Jasper, well I know of him and no one deserves to be degraded through cheating, especially not good people,"

"All over and done with, sweetheart. Nothing a little alcohol and independence can't cure. So what are your plans after sixth form? Seeing as Edward is doing AS for the second time, your answer is much more definite,"

"Oh erm...I don't actually know what I want to do, next there are so many options and subjects that I like and so, keeping my options open is more the excuse not to research potential colleges or universities, yet,"

"Wise girl. Edward needed someone intelligent, Tanya Denali is no where near the brightest button in the box, she has her own box that only consists of one person...Rosalie,"

Alice and I managed to get to the bar, with the crowd around it I was surprised that she was not running short of supply for her guests – taking a few knocks and knees in the body, Alice scrambled to get to the largest bottle sitting on the bar and used her other hand to get two glasses, which I took action in taking from her so that we didn't have to indulge in an early goodbye to the alcohol bottle under ransom.

"Thanks, so did you want a glass?"

"Well...I don't drink. I never have, only the couple maximum in my whole existence and the last thing I want is to show the reality that I'm a lightweight to everyone else who I have never met,"

"Luckily for you, there is a person right here who doesn't judge. Not my style baby girl, besides look at where I have come from...If anything, alcohol gives me the right to sedate the real feelings inside,"

"Do you miss him?" Alice poured wine in both glasses as I asked her the inevitable question, driven by my curiosity to actually understand how someone as sweet and pleasant as Alice could become involved into a man-whore. There was no other name for a male like Jasper, a person who doesn't seem to show any remorse and mutual understanding to the treatment of females.

"If you were any other person, just basically knowing the ins and outs without really caring I'd tell you where to go. However, since this is you and I feel like we could become good buddies, I can't lie. There is a part of me that misses him, the way his hair tantalized my fingers through the softness and the way he kissed my neck in all the right places, only the small things. The small things become the traits us exes pine for when we are back as a lone fish in a large tank once more,"

"Are you planning to date again?"

"Of course, I am always on the lookout but the difference between me and Jasper is that Jasper wants the wrong things from others and call me crazy but the long-lasting relationship appeals to me,"

"Nothing wrong with that,"

"So...Tell me about how your relationship with the infamous Edward Cullen is going?" I felt inclined to take a sip from the wine as she handed it to me, Alice had already taken a more than healthy gulp and even when there were at least twenty other people, females and males standing around us, when she spoke to me...I felt like her and I were the only people that mattered.

"The relationship is going really well; this he's my first love. I mean, I have so fallen hard for him and yeah, the whole falling in love can turn all kinds of weird sometimes,"

"Oh gosh I can see the appeal. What's not to love? The only advice to give you, beautiful Bella is that when a person feels love, feels how love can embody them, swallow them up and make all kinds of words come out of their mouth – not to mention all they think about is their lover's names...When all that happens you can't walk away. Not ever. Besides, anyone who can turn Edward Cullen into the person he was back when he was a small child deserves credit,"

"Hello ladies!"

Emmett walked over, Edward walking closely behind him, beer bottles in their hands as Alice looked over my shoulder and smiled. "Ah someone has perked up, somewhat. Don't worry, Em if Rose ever steps foot in the front door then she will suddenly have to face fifteen years of pent up anger in the form of my fist, maybe even both of them – depending on how much wine I can down,"

"I am not worried about her, Alice,"

"Besides there is always more bottles where those come from down in the cellar, speaking of which...I have to go and check to see whether anyone is using it for a sex closet, excuse me," as Alice walked away, Edward took her place, securing his arm around me.

"Are you alright?" he whispered, strangely enough this was looking like a good party, and the wine was a good welcome to my taste buds and my new found wanting to get closer and closer to the stunning boyfriend next to me.

"Yes, she's really nice, Edward." I whispered back.

"Do you want another one, Em?"

"No thanks, bro...Besides, I am driving and I don't want to wait around, the house is empty due to mum and dad's overnight stay at that hotel," _That was 'Emmett talk' for 'I want to go and see how Tor is doing, even though we are on a rocky patch'._

"That doesn't sound like you but, sure okay...More for me!" Edward joked; I nudged him on the shoulder and rolled my eyes. The two of us had promised to not let the temptations get the better of us.

Besides, one of us had to drive back and he was the one with the valid pink driving license out of us.

"Joking, baby...Besides this party is not as interesting without my two favourite girls around, want to try and get away early?"

""What would we do in an empty house, apart from avoid your brother?"

"Watch a movie, or we could stay out and just chill, I miss spending time just the two of us, baby,"

"I know...Even though we spent the whole afternoon to get ready for this party," smiling at Edward's laughter, the party suddenly stopped – the chatting ceased and the only sounds of glasses clinking filled the silent kitchen. I was curious as to what had caused the silence, until just like the devil himself – the people who were never going to be welcome entered.

Rosalie and Tanya entered much like the film entrances of the villains; however they inhibited the ability to look down their noses on every single person in the room. I wanted to puke all over them at how they treated other people.

"Call this a party? Why did we even bother crashing this thing?" Rosalie commented, putting on the sarcasm and the annoyance at how she had made such an effort when her and her flying monkey were going to be hauled out by their bleached hair by Alice once she got whiff of their presence.

"Rosalie, go away...You weren't invited to this," Emmett said, breaking the awkwardness and tension in the silence. Suddenly, there were suddenly sections of people who wanted to throw themselves at both the pink elephants and the others who had to keep scthum in order to save face and possible fighting.

"What the fuck is going on here?" Alice shouted making her own entrance into the room, Edward's hand clenched harder in mine as we stood side by side facing the world and what was about to happen.

"Oh Alice, long time no see!" Rosalie greeted, Alice wasn't one to buy the fake kindness.

"It won't be lasting much longer, get out of my house!"

"Your house, I thought this was your parents' house,"

"Don't talk to me about living with my parents, so do you. I am done with this conversation so, you and your bitch can fuck the hell away!"

"Foul mouth for such a small little dwarf," Edward went to move but I pulled him back – Alice was holding her own and I didn't like the idea of violence on its own without having to witness it.

"Luckily, I don't have the heartlessness to go with my height. Rosalie I am not going to be nice to you, again...You may treat people like shit when at school because maybe that's your thing, unable to find power in your own personal life and so have to resort to pettiness but that and you are not welcome here. Get out!"

"Fine, we don't want to waste our time, here anyway. Oh did I mention that Tanya and I have both got our share of Jasper and he wasn't so very complimentary about you,"

"Oh really – well at least I have been with people who have loved me. I don't take anyone else's seconds and he told me when we were together that he wouldn't touch either of you if he was on fire, he must have been desperate as hell!"

Tanya walked away and Rosalie followed closely behind like sheep, unable to say anything else in the face of the truth – the party soon went back to normal and Alice walked back over to us.

"Charming, I leave the room for five minutes and we have to greet the shit parade, I am going to go upstairs and find my flats – beauty is pain especially when it comes to the heels all night," I was no stranger to the slight vulnerability in the tone of her voice and I was suddenly worried that she was going out of the room on her own, I had barely known her an hour but there was an unusual need to make sure that Alice was alright. Rosalie and Tanya could make any confident person feel like shit and I was assuming that their comments about Jasper were the catalysts that bowled Alice over. Especially since on Alice's side she felt so much more for him.

As she walked away, I turned to Edward, who was still frowning, the crease lines visible in his marble skin.

"I am going to go and see if she's alright, would you hold this?" Nodding, immediately understanding he took my half drunken wine and allowed me to manoeuvre around all the party goers once more, the task proving to be more of a task now that I didn't have the hostess leading me.

Ignoring all the talk on various topics from people my age and older, I found the stairs and kicked off my heels at the bottom leaving the limped walk behind me in order to beat the staircase in my killing. I didn't know where anything was in this house, finding the stairs felt like a maze that lasted hours, what was the upstairs going to look like?

Taking initiative from walking around houses in experience, there were most doors that were ajar and goodness knows whether there was any people in them getting up to no good, at the faint sound of music...Unfortunately a band that I didn't recognise or be able to place – I followed the sound, getting louder as I got to the door, one of them on the far left of the landing, I didn't like the idea of going up another set of stairs.

Peering my head around the corner, I saw the back of Alice's head, her raven black spikes pointing out as she put something on her face, what I could only guess, eyeliner. Swallowing the nerves at invading her privacy, I softly knocked on the door and seconds later she turned around, her eyes black on her lower eyelids although the watery, shiny effect in her eyes were noticeable. "Sorry, I just came to see whether you're okay," I stuttered needing to justify my unnecessary presence in the doorway.

"Oh yeah, fine...Just need to top up on the eyeliner,"

"Were you wearing some before? I didn't notice...I wish I was as good with makeup as that,"

"Rosalie can make any party turn into a funeral, how did that bitch get in?"

"Luckily she's gone, now,"

"People like that don't ever go. They are like a disease unable to go without heaps of medication and some kind of internal exam...I hate her, I hate her and that Tanya!"

"I gathered that much,"

"Oh come and plonk a pew. You're too intelligent for your own good, Bella, I am not going to win making excuses to hide the fact that the last comment killed me," I sat down keeping my body away from hers. In defeat, Alice dropped the eye pencil and her compact mirror beside her. Taking a deep sigh she turned her head. "Jasper was the love of my life, pretty much and...Just when I believe that I have gotten over the pain and released enough anger into the punch bag in the gym upstairs, something or someone in this case always seems to bring all those feelings back. No amount of strength can take away hidden vulnerability that much is certain. Hold on to Edward, Bella. He was lucky to get out of that behaviour when you came along but there was a time when he and Emmett, both Cullen brothers were like Jasper and were the closest of 'friends'. A person who changes for friendship, companionship or dare I say it...Love...They don't come around like buses,"

"You'll find love, again Alice,"

"To be honest, I have given up searching...Perhaps its true what those old proverbs and most people of literature said, finding love is not a matter of searching but waiting – kind of like fate. When the moment is right the person will show up in the most unexpected places. Would be so nice to find that again and have those feelings returned,"

"Are you jealous of what Rosalie and Tanya have, most of the girls in school run away from them but secretly they pine to have that life?"

"Heck no! Why would I want to live a life where gratitude was never an option, respect was never granted and I had no desire to ever move forward and have a career, instead scrounge off my family for the rest of my life?"

"Just checking, see you're not like them at all, Alice. Those girls aren't worth anyone else's tears anymore, I have shed mine and my friend, Tor hers. Now, we can try and forget the comments and move on,"

"Intelligent may not be a strong enough word for you, Bella. Man you can dish the advice out can't you?"

"Well, to be honest I can dish it out to others but when it comes to me, I never listen. I have fears inside me that I allow to take me over and control everything that I do and to be honest; really brutally honest I do wish so much to take these new opportunities with open hands,"

"Like Edward?"

"Yeah...I mean, Christ he is the best thing that has ever happened in my...Existence and there is still little doubts inside my heart and those doubts make me pull away and become a victim and sail on the journey of self-hatred, I don't want to do that, anymore,"

"Then don't. Stick with me, if you can work with me on the courage and mind then I can help you on the confidence and will power to knock Mr Cullen's socks off...Because I have yet to meet a girl who could literally sweep that guy off his feet and that task makes for a very beneficial friendship and it's about time that someone showed him what desire is,"

"It's a deal!"

~~**~Emmett~**~~

I left the party early, watching Rosalie tear down Alice made me want to tear her down but, no violence should ever be inflicted on a female. If Rosalie could be branded as one of those and not a heartless witch she appears to be in all aspects. Edward and Bella were pretty much glued together all night and, honestly not sounding like a complete and utter pussy – I did feel left out having no one there to go to during the good and the bad a party or social event can bring. I had forgotten what true companionship is like, watching my parents their marriage makes so much sense and also at Bella and Edward, they were made to be together.

My jeep was my only place of comfort, to allow myself to live in my head – Emmett Cullen was no longer the life and soul of a party anymore and now, the new me appeared. The new me who wants so much more, not the wild side but the happier and peaceful side...Even quiet side to life. Who knows?

I had gotten home to the empty house, pouring myself a pint of water for the sleep that waits me in my pit, upstairs. Leaving on the light by the front door for my brother, I managed to get to the second to last step on the stairs when there was a knock at the door. Having to leave my glass on the landing, I jogged back down, not really in the mood for a pointless encounter. Once I opened the door, Tor turned to face me, the shimmer of the moonlight on her hair stunning me for a moment – my eyes resting on her own, puffy and tired ones.

"Hi," she whispered faintly, the tone of her voice reeking with emotion. My feet wanted to move, my arms itched to hug her but my brain made my greater instinct impossible, we had just literally had some kind of argument today at school and I had already made my decision to distance myself from her as much as possible. Hard to do when the people you have to avoid are standing in front of you.

"Hey," I stuttered – wishing that her being here did not catch me so off-guard.

"I am sorry for calling so late, I was walking around, trying to clear my head and for some reason...I ended up here, well no that's a lie. I need to make things right,"

"You walked?"

"My dad is on night duty and I have spent literally all night with my mum but, being sedated she can probably just about manage her name dipping in and out of sleep,"

"Oh," _is that all you can say, really?_

"Yeah, look the reason why I came here was because, you were right about today. Well I don't remember the exact words but only the impression of how mine came off. The Rosalie thing," _God that girl needed a huge kick up the backside!_

"I wanted to thank you, turns out I didn't when you stepped in and that was wrong of me. Look Emmett, I don't want to beat around the bush anymore and try to cover up the truth because nothing is 'fine' right now and for the first time, I am struggling to keep myself going,"

"Tor-"

"Please let me finish. Having Emmett Cullen as a friend is weird in itself, but...We do have something you and I, something unexplainable but even though I cannot find words to describe it – the emotion is there. Tonight when I sat on the floor outside mum's room, I needed you, I needed anyone who wasn't my father to come and sit by my side. I like that you came to the hospital, all nervous and twitchy that one time and your being there showed me that there is something inside of you that is honest, genuine and unlike the person who I have watched in school. I am afraid, Emmett. That's the truth. I don't want to hold out hope for something and have it all crash and burn to smithereens and, it's not you that's wrong...It's me, sounds like a break-up line but it's true. My issues are not ones to burden on others but at the same time, I have never found a person who does not mind taking the brunt and tell me that everything is going to be alright, even when it isn't. I don't care about my father, I am much closer with my mum frankly and that's why watching her motionless and helpless breaks my heart piece by piece. I want to have a friend, Emmett. I want to have you as a friend, I don't want to think about anyone else – this is the moment where I have to make a stand for what I want, if you turn me away now I understand completely." At the falling of her tears, the one defining moment where Tor had poured out her soul and have it landing at my feet finally gave my body energy to move, without thinking or saying anything else – I closed the small distance between us, standing out in the night and wrapped my arms tightly around her, enjoying the velvet of her hair on my neck as she leant her head on my chest.

"I am always going to be here for you, Tor" I whispered – she began to sob on my chest and I allowed her time to do that, never breaking our contact. Seeing this show of emotion from someone who I have grown to care about made me feel like there was a purpose in life. A purpose to help people, like the way my own mother does with her friends. Tor's arms circled around my waist and we stood there for minutes, hours, damn it could be days but it was enough.

Being with Tor and looking after her is more than enough to take away the loneliness in my heart.


	60. StepUps

w~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Edward~**~~

Alice and Bella never left each other's sides all night. I had a feeling that I had unleashed a hidden side to my Bell as she danced around clutching my friend's hands for dear life as she tried to get around the discomfort of her heels. I wanted to bring her into my arms but watching her was just as amusing because she seemed so free. The alcohol count hadn't been much and Bella's ability to stand helped the reality that the consuming of alcohol could have been too much, anyway I was the person driving so I was a stranger to the feeling of being tipsy, to be honest I didn't miss being drunk at all, at least at this moment in time I had a sensible head on my shoulders.

I watched in awe as Bella danced her way around the garden area, others came in to join her, drawn in by her beautiful smile and laughter – it seemed impossible that someone who could have gone through so much pain and heartache could still manage to have a good time, I could watch her dance for hours – she could put one foot in front of the other no matter how many times she used the excuse of not being able to dance at all. With Emmett gone back home, early there was very little I could do except stay close to Bella. I trusted Alice to look after her but she was a huge party drunk and managed to get everyone involved with the entertainment, even the ones stuck to the corner looking like they were about to hurl.

Jasper hadn't made an appearance, even though he was no stranger to the facebook social network world and no doubt had found out about this from others, neither had Jacob. The people we used to be as children confirmed a distant memory and now, there was only the present left. That present involving my beautiful Bella.

Other people were watching and glancing her way, I couldn't seem to shake the annoyance that others may see her now for someone other than they perceived her to be. Especially now, since she was mine.

Taking a sip of my coke, only having taken one pint of beer to keep within the alcohol limit, Bella came skipping over to me, her arms immediately wrapping around my neck, her skin moist from all the dancing. Even in perspiration she was a goddess - that may have been a 'rose-tinted glasses' comment but Bella was my world and I was in love.

"Are you okay?" I whispered, she hummed the fucking sexy moan going straight down to a possible hard-on. This girl was a lethal threat to my well-being; trust me to get hard at a party without physically touching anyone. Before, that hard-on was taken away quicker than it had come on but now, having the woman I loved so close was not going to be a good thing. However, that being said I couldn't take my hands off of her. "I think I have drunk too much," she added.

I had seen Bella mingle around people she hardly knew and speak to them without a care in the world, there is not one horrible bone inside my girl's body and even when she was drunk she was a complete butterfly – I had seen many people do stupid and immoral things when drunk in which they regretted the next morning with a hangover to boot but something told me that Bella was going to sleep this off just fine. My hands, following the temptation and lust forming around me, caressed her hips, which were still swaying to the beat of Lady GaGa. Trust Alice to have only the pop diva's playing, she was not a rock or blues person like me, a rock song can release emotions like anger and sadness but at a party people just wanted a beat to dance to. Bella, even though she was not the best dancer was following that suit. Bella pulled her head away from my neck and smiled at me, her perfect mouth opening and her eyes dancing, her eyelids hooded in the drunken daze that was her head right now. "You're so sexy," she whispered licking her lips. God damn it, I couldn't take much more. Wanting to cross my legs like a girl, Bella crashed her lips to mine, still moist from licking them and attacked my mouth with passion. I responded violently, tasting the vodka from her tongue on mine, with a hint of lemonade, alcohol breath was not nice on a man because of beer but Bella's mouth was suddenly a forbidden fruit in which I was the only lucky sod in this whole house could appreciate. Our tongues danced sensuously, I had never seen Bella so open to her emotions, usually there was a doubt that placed a barrier in her actions, when I touched her earlier I had stopped purely because of the reality that she would have done, too. I groaned as her hands wound through my hair pulling my head closer to our battling mouths, my hands gripped the sides of her waist. No one had noticed, well in actual fact I had forgotten there was anyone else in the room, I was so wrapped up in her that my desire was going to overdrive. In a haze, her lips left mine, moving down to my neck. I melted into her, grinding my hips gently with hers just to get some kind of contact, she however didn't stop me and instead grinded hers back, the warmth of her body against the hardness that was my cock was heaven and hell all rolled up into one. A beautiful kind of hell.

I quickly got rid of my drink putting it back on the counter behind me, both my now free hands ran through her hair, the smell of her shampoo flying through my nose and into my brain, Bella was my drug, my alcohol and she made me live in a daze more than any substance could. Grabbing her neck, I brought her head back up, my own lips trailing down her neck, her head tilting and allowing me full access to the beauty of her skin. "God, I love it when you kiss me, I love you so much, Edward," she slurred her breaths hard and deep, reeking of desire.

"God I love you, Bella." I answered her, licking along her collarbone; I smiled against her skin as she shuddered.

"Alright, shows over!" Alice interrupted pulling Bella away from me and to her side. "I won't have you making a little peep show up in here," she joked also slurring on her words.

"I can't help it Ali, I love him," the girls had only known each other one night and they were already onto nicknames, I couldn't help but be a little pleased that Alice liked Bella so much. I had been afraid in secret that she wouldn't.

"I know and he loves you, otherwise clearly his little junior wouldn't have come out to play," _Crap! That's the thing about women they don't have to worry about physically showing their arousal._ Still a little hazy, I grabbed the coke back from the counter and held it down to my stomach, hopefully the darkness of the living room was doing me some favours before little junior can go back down.

Bella laughed, which was always the greatest music and linked arms with Alice, "I don't think I can dance, anymore...My feet hurt. Edward could you massage them later?" she asked, winking.

"Anything for you, my love,"

"Oh God someone get rid of this cheese. I love you both but really, unless there is a really hot guy willing to take advantage of me when I am like this...There will be no sentiment allowed,"

"Alice...I am sorry," Bella pouted. Even that was a turn-on. I was beginning to really like drunk Bella Swan!

"Oh don't be, I'm kidding, just me and my jealousy. Jealousy is the worst emotion especially for us because we look like bitches when we're jealous,"

"Do you wanna make out with him? Although no touching in places that have been reserved for me,"

"No Bella honey that would be just wrong, I love Edward but not in the whole 'fuck me now' kind of way, do you wanna dance, Edward?"

"No thanks Ali, I am having much more fun watching you and Bee," I said smiling and using the nicknames now intact for the night until the morning when both Alice and Bella would probably forget they even existed.

"I will have one more dance with you, Ali then I have to go back home."

"Alright Bee, what song do you want on?"

"That song about the singer loving the smell of sex, it was on earlier although I was drinking and might have heard it wrong," Bella laughed at herself as Ali reached out to wrap her arm around her shoulder. My girl did not need to have anymore drink even if I had to fight it away from Alice; she was wobbling so much, already. Her heels by my feet where she had left them about an hour and a half ago. I'd rather watch her dance than go to the cinema any day of the week.

"S and M by Rhianna, wow Edward this girl is right up my street, don't worry she doesn't need to have anymore vodka, although to be honest I have never seen anyone on vodka that was so much fun, before!"

"Love you, Ali,"

"Love you Bee...Riley, put on S and M!"

With the sound of cheers, my hard-on went off-duty, Bella skipped away hand in hand with Alice and I watched her dance another song before I carried her out of the house and back into the Volvo.

Did I mention that I loved her?

~~**~Emmett~**~~

"Your house is like a palace," I watched Tor walk around our living room, yes in honesty her house was smaller in size than ours, but I didn't like our house, or share the same opinion as people who gawk in amazement, our place had lost its 'charm'. The homey feel when a person comes back after a long day at work or school, the house was no longer a place for me where it had been as a small kid a place of security and comfort. Suppose growing up means that even a home can no longer have the same meaning. I didn't dislike the house by any means, because I grew up in it and don't know any different but the charm and security had gone. Once dad started working abroad the atmosphere shifted and I can only really date it back until then.

"I wouldn't call it a palace but, it's a good place all the same,"

"_Just good_? Come on you could fit my house three times in this whole plot of land," I got a little anxious as she reached the photos of the little brothers above the mantelpiece, to any outsider we may have looked like happy little children and of course we were, very much so and loved by both of our parents but...Now, as I have known what kind of person I did grow up to be by choice, the pictures made me feel shame rather than the usual wave of embarrassment.

"Is this you?" Tor asked me studying the picture of little Emmett caught in a moment of giggles, I couldn't remember really laughing so much after that picture was taken. Life began to change and the puberty years set in when no one wanted any photographs taken because of self-consciousness. I was the fatter one out of me and Edward, he was naturally thin but we had both bulked up in muscle convinced that muscle was the way to a girl's heart and inside her knickers. _Oh yes, the mind set was definitely wrong back then. What happened to the usual date of taking a girl out to spoil her, to meet your parents and communication? That died along with the usual routine of salad eating in my diet._

"Yes, that's me,"

"Wow...Back then you're like the same person now, except now you're older of course. You haven't changed,"

"I get that a lot. Neither has Edward, really," I didn't know why she was making me feel disorientated, like walking on hot coals was a benefit rather than torture. Why did I care that Tor had taken an interest in the family pictures? Embarrassment didn't wave over me, the feeling was indescribable like this urge to justify to her that no one grows up to the person they were as children. The innocence and purity of children soon dies once sex education comes onto the scene. Well, that was the pivotal change in me let's just put it that way. I missed being a little kid sometimes, where parents would jump in front of a motor vehicle for you, or run through a burning building to save you. Before life has to be lived independently, before the shit happens and before making decisions becomes paramount to a person's opinion of you. Tor was an absolute vision as she looked at Edward's portrait and then took a glance at the large family one, done on a one-time basis with a professional photographer. That was a couple of years after puberty hit, around sixteen and my voice was screwed nearing to the end of its breakage into the lower tones. I didn't like that portrait, never had done because of what it represented. That year was the year that dad got told he may have a chance to work away, and by _away_ it wasn't in the same _country_ or part of the world – Edward and I were particularly moody and our facial expressions did show the hidden hatred for the new situation and my mother was smiling pleasantly but to me, always represented a falseness to it. I knew her genuine smile and what was in the picture wasn't the one that I had grown up to know. Like, she needed to put on a brave face in uncertainty of her family. I still get the twinge of sadness looking at her.

"Your family are beautiful, not in the model, snooty kind of way but...All of you are striking. Your mother especially,"

"Thanks...Everyone says my mother is beautiful, it's a shame really that I am not the most photogenic of people,"

"Oh you should see me, I swear I want to have mu...My parents burn them at some point. Heaven help any boyfriends who should happen to gaze on the horror," I hadn't noticed the change from saying 'mum' and then to 'parents'. I carried on, not allowing my curiosity to get the better of me.

"Don't put yourself down, Tor. Pictures can never show real emotion, unless they are a surprise. Planned like that, makes the situation more corny and boring because of the need to get angles and positions right. Back then, I just wanted to be away from it all,"

"Were you always unhappy?"

"Never unhappy, just a little confused and I felt a lot of fear growing up, with my dad not being around and my mother disliking how I chose to behave. I guess, the arsehole inside of me wanted to have a slice of my childhood back but, once those years have gone no one can get them back,"

"Do you miss your dad?"

"Used to. Adapted to his work quite quickly though. Edward has never really been happy about the decision but, he pays the utilities and so we cannot ever complain that what he does as a father is not enough. Would have been nice to see him around at some points, football matches, Edward's piano compositions in the school talent shows – that kind of thing,"

"Yeah. I can see how that would be hard." Tor circled around to face me, her eyes still beaming with excitement at being in a new place. This girl was an adorable when she was excited, the identical eyes to that belonging to a child in a sweet shop. Touching was forbidden but the temptation was always there to run your fingers along the jars or hold the scoop in the pic'n'mix stand.

"So can I get you a drink, have you eaten at all?"

"No thank you, to be honest I should be getting back. My dad will kill me if he finds out that his daughter has a mind of her own and is in a boy's house,"

"Has your father always been protective of you?"

"There's protective and then there's smothering. Yes, I have done stupid things mostly involving alcohol because that and me do not seem to get one well together but, that doesn't then always escalade into my being stupid and jumping into bed with some guy, _any_ guy who wants to have an easy lay. I yearn for the attention most of the time and that scares me because people might then decide that I'm easy and get the wrong impression,"

"There's nothing wrong with wanting attention,"

"When you have attention then that's easy to say,"

"What?"

"Oh come on, 'Emmett Cullen'. The guy who makes all little boys look up to him and older ones envy him. I mean, in school you were invincible like there was nothing, no outside influences that could ever break that demeanour...That image and social climb,"

"I am not like that, anymore. I hate the fact that I was ever like that because my life was far from perfect, lying can sometimes steer someone towards the acting profession because once the lie has started then they may as well live it until their time runs out and the truth rules all. I don't think you'd be an easy lay, the only people who are...Well we know who they are and you're nothing and aren't ever going to be like them. I may not be smart but I know that much,"

"Don't put yourself down,"

"Oh and again, could you please stop using my full name? It's creepy, like you are studying me for psychological means or something,"

"Sorry, I remember you got freaked out by it before, force of habit." Tor released a nervous chuckle. What was it about this girl, no matter where we are and no matter what kind of predicament we may be in she becomes more and more endearing the more I am in her company or she in mine? How can someone so mysterious can still maintain that dignity even after they have began to speak about themselves or a little information about them is known? "I guess, speaking to you in your full name is because no one who ever spoke to me would call you just Emmett, or Em like some of your old buddies used to – like royalty, only a full name could be spoken. Or just Cullen used to go down just as well in conversation,"

"Don't tell me what people used to say. Just thinking about how badly I treated people makes me want to stretch myself on a rack until there are no bones left. Man, I was a bastard," I sunk down on the sofa, Tor was no different to me, and yet for so many years she was unnecessarily made to feel inferior because of possessing a brain or even dreams for a future career. Anyone who didn't desire to be a bum or a scrounger were not worth the time of day.

"Yes, you were. However, you are making up for that now and change is good. Look at your brother,"

"Edward was always a great guy inside; he just needed to face up to that. I was the one who pushed him into that bet he wanted nothing to do with the plan and so thanks to me, we joint destroyed a great person,"

"That person who _now_ belongs to Edward, so nothing has turned out catastrophically wrong. I haven't ever had a friend and witness the change in them when they fall in love, how they change their personalities or whether they actually change at all. With Bella everything is pretty clear, she is happier, less stressful about life and that makes me believe that maybe our soul mates, the people that we are meant to be with in our destinies are not what we assumed or expected they'd be. Do you believe that?"

"I don't really believe in one sole person, perhaps one person who a person can feel the most for but, I can't have trust in love because unfortunately I have never felt it,"

"What about Rosalie?"

"That was a kind of love, but a one-sided love. Love can't be one-sided, it goes back to attraction or a crush then. Love needs to be a two-way street, much like respect and gratitude should be as well,"

"Palms sweating, heart threatening to pour out of your body at their feet...No I have never been in love, either only imagined what the feeling would be like. The whole world stops and there is only that one person – that's all that's important and life falls away for a moment, silence draws in and there is no going back once you've fallen there is no hope of getting up, again."

"Tor can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," she replied, perching next to me but not in close enough contact to touch. Perhaps the idea of being close to me repulsed her on some level and I wish to God that there could be a time to change all of her impressions of me. That being pushy and determined to have her speak to me was in the pure need to have someone to talk to. Someone who didn't judge naturally but would, of course like Bella tell it how it was in honesty.

"How long did you have a crush on my brother?"

Tor sighed and looked down to the floor, her teeth coming out of her mouth to press down on her lower lip, this kind of reaction was one that I was expecting but, I did feel a little like an idiot at my curiosity. Of course this topic was not one she would feel comfortable talking to someone about, let alone Edward's sodding brother, _what was the matter with me and my big mouth, sometimes?_ "I'm sorry, I-"

"No don't be sorry. I haven't thought about it for years, putting the reality to the back of my mind because of how much pain it would have induced to talk again but, everything's different now,"

"Are you sure? I mean, please don't talk about it if you don't want to...I don't want-"

"It's sweet that you're looking out for me but, there's no shame in telling you. I thought I loved Edward, the infatuation was there in truck loads and we girls have little fancies about the bad boys, because of how impossible a scenario may be for them to end up with a rebel. I guess it's the impossible reality to have them that makes the bad boys more desirable, who knows but I fell hard. I can't regret it, I handled Bella's sudden relationship with him because of how he had been to many other girls and how Bella deserved more but, as a result now they could not be better suited. To cut a long story short, the crush lasted for years, more so than the proper amount at least the feelings felt more prolonged and yes, we were not meant to be and yes, it hurt me when Bella started seeing the same as me but, there has always been a nice guy in there so my blindness was not totally off,"

"Sure I can relate to that. Having feelings for Rosalie didn't help me one bit, not of the person she has been all along which has only started to show recently,"

"I know, she is a bitch and...Seeing you, here, comfy in your home makes me think that she doesn't deserve you. I never believed for a moment that you had a heart, Emmett...I didn't believe that there could be any genuine feeling but, you've proved me wrong,"

"I knew you were not the person you acted to be when we started talking, I didn't know of you at all for all these years we have been close to the same school and now for two years in sixth form but, we both kind of put up a face huh?"

"Yes I guess we did. We're probably more alike than you think,"

"Maybe, man it's nice to talk to someone who actually holds a sentence, all those other guys were never my friends, the girls just wanted to gain benefits and none of them have a heart or morals to speak of. I guess hanging around with them didn't make me believe that there was a person to hold a conversation with, to talk about shit that people are supposed to. I am not good at it, really" I scratched my head, the uneasiness completely taking me over – I felt like such an idiot, how difficult was it to talk to Tor? Not as difficult as it had been before when she wasn't so attentive to me, more prone to placing a barrier up for self-protection purposes and now that the barrier had gone enough to speak to her and hold a conversation, my brain decides to shut down. _Be cool Em, be cool. Just deep breaths and cleanse the soul, damn my mother for making me watch self-healing videos as a kid, instead of growing some balls – I decide to take the advice of Miss tranquil water and hot stones._

"Emmett...Emmett, hello...Are you okay?" Tor asked, her eyes coming back into vision...I had no idea how long I had been catching flies in my mouth, staring into Timbuktu but Tor didn't seem to mind as she smiled, her eyebrows furrowing slightly.

"Sorry,"

"Don't worry...Listen I really need to get going, my dad won't be back but knowing my luck he will come back to the house and find it abandoned, is there a chance that I could use your toilet?"

"Sure, up the stairs and third door on the right,"

Shooting me an appreciative smile, Tor stood up from the sofa and walked out of the front room. I stood up, my fists clenching hard at my sides, my fingers itching out to punch the wall at what an idiot I may have come across as. Here I am, trying my work at being sociable but of course, me now has to find something else to talk about besides how short girls skirts are or how much I wanted to fuck them into next week. With Tor, nothing came easy and I didn't want to be the same person, anymore. The girl with such a great heart remembers me as this monster and there must have been something in my power to make her believe that I was no longer that. The more I thought about conversation topics the more I look like a dumbstruck wimp staring into the eyes of a celebrity or role model.

As she was out of the room, I went into the kitchen and took out mum's fruit punch from the fridge, the dryness in my throat becoming difficult to shift without needed drink to calm me down.

_For God sake Emmett, grow a pair!_

~~**~Victoria~**~~

_I am in Emmett Cullen's house._

_In his bathroom._ All I could manage to do was stare at my reflection. I needed an excuse to calm myself down; Emmett had become a great friend, the kind of friend that I could keep for the rest of my life. However, this was a Cullen. The Cullen's, at least one of them had been the death of my young life. Doting over a man who was never in a million years going to turn and see me in the way that I wanted him to for so long, instead he had Bella to look at dotingly now and for me, my life was still a struggle and there is no one who could help to get me over what is going on with my emotions. I have never felt so up and down in my mental state before, part of my soul wanted to break down on this very bathroom floor and the other wanted to stay here for the night and sleep on the very comfortable couch because the atmosphere in this home beat mine any day.

Cupping my hands, I splashed cold water over my face, slowly breathing in and out, my hands on the basin once off my face. I was a friend now of Emmett's, but what he didn't know was that he was becoming more than a friend, I thought about him far too much at night in my bed, alone. The temptation to pick up my phone and send him a text proving to be the recipe to my own insanity at more than one occasion. I couldn't text him to the ends of the earth because of my father paying my phone bill, once I managed to get a job and my current search over then I could text anyone I wanted to. I didn't want to let on that being in his presence made my heart come alive, when he hugged me at the front door my heart screamed at me to shout, 'I want to stay here forever'. Those arms were so warm, so unlike the person who I had hated for so many years, the arms that felt like a haven to escape. My parents' arms were always so beautiful to me, especially when emotion became uncontrollable but my dad's arms did not have any emotion behind the gestures, at least not anymore. He could no longer look at me in the same loving way, like a young child remembers of her doting father. I mean, his behaviour is natural considering that the love of his life was lying unconscious and helpless in hospital with no proper diagnosis for comfort. However, he still had me in our life and yet now the way he both looked at me and pretended like I wasn't even there in the same room made me feel like a ghost, entirely invisible and that hurt so much.

What was happening to me?

I had the scary and sneaky suspicion to lock myself in here, just so that I didn't have to go home, alone. I hated being alone in our house, usually when dad is on nights – mum and I found some entertainment to indulge in from cooking bad cookies and cakes to picking out the saddest films to cry over. Mum's a bit over-emotional, these kinds of traits hereditary in the children DNA and there's nothing like a good cry to release the stress – the usual crying now exhausting me, and honestly making me look like a maniac to others who couldn't give a shit about me, anyway.

"Come on Victoria, stop acting like a crush-ridden teenager, this is not Edward all over again. I will not allow myself to be that person, again. I have to go home, have to go back and pretend to my dad that I was never here." Now of course I am dreading running out of here.

I don't want to run away from here.

Something was definitely wrong with me.

Taking a deep breath, steadying the threat of my knees falling out from underneath my body, I ran my fingers through the mess of my hair, unfortunately the smell of hospital never shifting no matter how much time I spend in the shower with massive amounts of shampoo and conditioner, and the disadvantage of not having a hairbrush handy when within the white washed walls and gleaming white floor did do wonders for my personal appearance.

Then again, I have never really cared much for makeup and beautifully-styled hair, just liked the _idea_ of being able to dress up by someone who could manage to do a professional job, instead of me who knows squat and has never held a pair of straighteners.

Stepping out into the hallway, I was aware of the sound of movement downstairs, footsteps walking around almost like pacing back and forward from the kitchen, was that Emmett? Or was I, in fact facing the confusion of Bella and Edward as they come home to find me, of all people in the house. That was going to be nice to sum up a lie for that one, I was no good at lying and being truthful to Emmett in coming here was also hard enough.

I was walking home, that part wasn't a lie...My mother is unresponsive at the moment and I suppose that's what makes the situation harder for me as her daughter. Mum is the person who hears of most updates in my life, never my father because of the fact that he is a man and rather not know too much about what is going on in his daughter's mind as her hormones grow and body changes. Therefore, not having her around made me miss her and long for her even more, I wanted her to smile at me and say 'hello' only have eyes for me, the only important person on planet earth for a mere few seconds as I asked her whether growing up is normal. I missed her, I missed her so much that life with my dad was becoming more of a strain and chore than usual habit – the security had ceased and the protection around me was falling down and there was nothing that could stop it.

I felt vulnerable, I needed someone now more than I have ever needed or wanted to have someone to care for me, because honestly I was scared about getting through this unscathed and scar-free.

I raced myself walking down the stairs and with perfect timing as I reached the wooden floor, Emmett appeared from the kitchen walking towards me. I swear to God, my heart leapt straight into my throat.

"Are you okay?" he asked, voice full of care. What was odd about Emmett was that whatever he said, the words came out so honestly that there was no chance in hell anyone even with the coldest heart could deny the care behind them. I couldn't ever imagine someone like him ever caring for anyone other than himself but, life as I know it is changing so damn fast.

"Yeah, listen thank you for listening to me but...I need to get home, my dad, I mean if he ever found out about this then I may as well lock myself in my bedroom," that was the hardship about my pretending to make an excuse to go and also nerves, the fact that I babble too much and never make sense. Instead, wanting to hit myself repeatedly for the dumbness that came across once the words ceased. _I was never going to make him see that I didn't want to leave him, so what is the point?_

_What is the point of ever feeling anything outside of friendship; it's just a train wreck on the way to a broken heart?_

"Yeah, no problem. I will take you home,"

"Oh no please...I don't want you to do that, besides I walked here out of choice so it's only right that I go back," _I had cost him too much in petrol, already and being in that car will make the whole leaving and walking up to my front door harder to do._

"I am not letting my friend walk alone at night, especially at this hour...I don't trust anyone around here, I need to know that you're safe," _I only feel safe when I am with you!_

_Oh shut up, Tor!_

"No please, I-"

"I am not taking no for an answer, now come on...I will even let you have dibs on the music,"

"Really?"

"Sure,"

Not forcing away the smile across my face, away I folded my arms around myself, wishing that in my zombie state in leaving the hospital I could have been smart enough to _not_ leave my coat behind the chair in mum's room – Emmett, showing true Gentile and manners held the front door open for me to walk out as he grabbed his keys and coat. I stepped out of his house, secretly liking the fact that Edward and Bella hadn't returned and that I was going to be back at home and they wouldn't know any different.

I was about to step towards Emmett's jeep when he gently wrapped his coat around my shoulders, the smell of his shower gel surrounding me from the fabric and the warmth embracing me.

"Thank you," I breathed. Sometimes actions do speak louder than words, could he tell that I was cold without my even telling him so?

"You're welcome, come on let's get you home," as he walked ahead of me, I stared at him from behind, watching his shoulders hunch up as he walked, the little things that never occurred to me, before. I wanted to cry so much for what was happening, how much I wanted to say and will never have the courage to. We missed out on a chance to hang out just the two of us and with my dad, that was never going to be an option unless I concocted a believable lie. Chance would be a fine thing.

Finding the movement and snapping myself out of my daze, I walked the small distance and climbed into the passenger side of the jeep, Emmett already buckled and waiting for me patiently to climb in and put on my own.

"You know, Tor. Whenever there are moments when you need to talk, or just to be listened to. Our door is always open,"

I was blown away by how nice he was being, I had difficulty swallowing the dryness down in my throat, my heart still very much lodged in my voice box. _Sitting in silence was going to help this along, Tor...Say something, say anything...Say something about the damn weather, for God sake be normal!_

"Emmett, I want to say sorry for all the horrible things I said about you when we first spoke, I was such an awful person and you did not deserve the brunt of my attempting to shut myself out,"

"Forget about it, Tor. That's all over now, we're friends and the past doesn't matter so...You don't need to beat yourself up unnecessarily over something that doesn't matter,"

~~**~Emmett~**~~

Tor had been acting strangely after she had come back down from the bathroom, I wondered what was going on in her head, the music had gone untouched because hell be to god if she thought that I was going to let her walk home and I needed a good enough reason to persuade her to get into my car for another time. Tor was vulnerable right now with what was going on in her life and I wasn't an idiot to not realise that she needed as many people as possible that cared.

"Hey, I don't have the Mp3 so, feel free to scan through the radio channels," like she was going to give a flying shit about what kind of music would have been playing on the air waves but I am confused as hell as to what to talk about with her, now. What was the whole point of talking when it was this challenging?

"Thanks but, I prefer to sit in silence," she answered, her voice quieter than usual.

"Okay well, do you want to talk about anything?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, topics are not coming easy to me right now. How's your mum, anyway?" _shit, wrong topic! Talk about anything but that!_ Before I could manage to change the subject and hide the embarrassment, Tor spoke.

"We still don't really know, I am pretty sure my dad has been told a prognosis but has decided to share the information with me, anyway it doesn't matter,"

"Of course it matters, that's your mum. I have been a little arsehole with my own mum but if she was ill then I'd be upset too,"

"Doesn't make for good conversation though, does it?"

"Who cares? Only the people who are too self-involved and they aren't real friends, don't be afraid to talk to me about stuff, Tor. I am pretty easy-going," _I can't lie it's the truth. I don't like the idea of having to endure silence in the car, anyway._

"Thanks, but honestly I'd much rather talk about something stupid for a change,"

"I have a scar on my leg that's shaped like a boot." _Oh of course, say the first thing that comes into your head!_

"I like scars. They have a story, sometimes more interesting than the people themselves,"

"You're astonishingly weird but I love it!"

"Thanks, you're not too bad yourself. So what's it like having your dad back on work holiday?"

"Meh so-so. I wish I could be more happy to see my dad, as he is away so often but, because I got used to it...I know that he is going to go again, soon,"

"All the more reason to spend time with him. With parents, a kid never really knows or appreciates what they have, I tell my mum every time I go and see her that I love her and miss her, but I never used to say that before. Never had a reason to." I was not so much of an idiot to sense her sadness, the poor girl doesn't know squat about what is happening with her mum, I wanted to be so much more understanding and have the natural sense to be open about my own opinions...But what could I say? What could I say to make Tor feel better? What has Emmett Cullen got to say that is so special?

"I have rained on the conversation again, haven't I?"

"No. I wish I could say something to make you feel better, Tor. I do so want to help; I'm not smart enough to give advice,"

"You're doing just fine. I shouldn't have come to your house,"

"Please stop doing that, Tor. You're welcome around, anytime. I'm sure my mum would love to meet you,"

"I only hear good things about Esme, your parents are so respected around this village they could be royalty,"

"No we're just normal. I used the word 'normal' for Edward and I but mum and dad are different to us, entirely,"

As we drew closer and closer to her house, I ached to turn my jeep back round, just because of how she would be staying there on her own probably worrying about her mum like naturally she would do. I didn't like the idea of her being alone and having to endure the confusion and panic over what was happening to her mum, there was nothing that anyone could do to fix that unless her mum woke up and not being able to do anything feels the worst right about now than anything else. I turned onto her small road and felt the tinge of pain in my heart at having to let her walk out and watch her walk to the front door, I remained quiet as I stopped at the front of her house, I watched her glance out the window and then back to me, her eyes fresh with unshed tears.

"Thanks for dropping me back, this is turning into a habit now, huh?" she joked, I didn't feel the laughter from her the tone was bordering on nervousness rather than humour – swallowing down my real instinct to say something that wasn't appropriate, I bit down hard on the insides of my mouth before speaking the complete opposite.

"Are you going to be all right?"

Tor turned to meet my eyes for the first time since getting in the car, she took a long exhale "yes, Emmett. Thank you," I have to admit, I wasn't convinced by her answer that she was telling me the truth but I could hardly harass Tor when she probably just wanted to be left alone. With a nod, saying no more she took of the seatbelt and opened the car door taking a slight pause before closing it, with that she was gone and all I could see was the back of her, her red hair glimmering under the moonlight...Once she had gotten her keys and put them in the lock, I drove away needing to look at something else and quite frankly get back home to my bed to hide from anyone else unimportant.

I hated not being able to do anything, and I hated wanting to say and do things that were probably misleading – I can't get anything right. No way are my parents finding out about this, it was bad enough Bella and Edward knowing.

~~**~Edward~**~~

"I am a really bad drunk aren't I?" Bella asked me as we lay on the front of my Volvo, our backs against the windscreen, looking up at the dark blanket of stars. After her night of dancing and making out with me..._Of course no complaints there_, I needed to sober her up a little before going back home. Knowing me, we were going to get caught by my mother and what kind of person would I be if all I could do was simply shrug holding up a legless Bella?

"Well, you're not the worst person I've seen," she hit me on the arm, her embarrassment was more adorable than ever and I just wanted to see her squirm and hopefully blush, _God do I love that blush! _"Anyway, many of the sexually-frustrated males in our year loved the free lap dances on hand,"

"I didn't lap dance!"

"How do you know?"

"Your little mind games aren't going to work on me, besides I wasn't alone and because you love me so much I am guessing that if anything should happen to me that my knight would come and intervene,"

"Yes my love, I would. Besides, seeing you drunk was...Don't hit me again but, really arousing,"

"Oh God, how? How is me dry humping you a turn-on especially when my breath smells like the inside of a men's social club?" _Did Bella just say dry humping, why did that sound so hot?_

"Trust me the dry humping was very well received and there is a lot more confidence in you with alcohol, a spirit and a feistiness and all guys want to see a young woman with a strong head on her shoulders,"

"Edward that doesn't make any sense, I was _drunk!"_

"So you admit that now?"

"Yes, I wasn't tipsy...I was drunk. However, I knew what I was doing half the time and, a part of me wanted to give my amazing boyfriend a lap dance, too,"

"Why didn't you?"

"I may dance like an idiot and fall over to end up in hospital but, doing something like that in a public place still sounds awkward even when I wanted to do it so badly, but making out seems fine," I couldn't help but laugh at Bell as she tried to make her words sound normal. We had lost the gist of the whole conversation but the moonlight gave us a silent atmosphere that was soothing enough to be lost in our bubble.

"I want to have one of those one day,"

"Why?"

"Every guy's fantasy to have the woman they love straddle their laps, not in public though Bell, just us I promise,"

"Alright well...It's not completely off the radar, then."

"How are you feeling, do you want more water?"

"No thanks, I am better, now. My head isn't constantly spinning anymore. Are you ashamed of me?"

"Bell, come on I have seen many people drunk and the majority of them cause fights or end up in the back of a police car. What you did tonight was completely harmless, no one was hurt, no one was offended and no one was able to make googly eyes at my beautiful girl for longer than five minutes, I am never going to be embarrassed by you and neither should you be embarrassed of yourself"

"Oh there's no need to be jealous, baby. You're the man who sleeps beside me at night and who wakes up with me in the morning, no one else would have that,"

"Hmm that is true, hey, what do you think the future has in store for us?"

"I guess more bad luck and a struggle, life seems to like biting me in the arse and watch me endure the pain, I imagine,"

"Come on, on the more optimistic side?"

"I don't know, I would like to think that I'd be married and have a family, not a large one, though maybe two children maximum, I always loved the idea of two girls. Hopefully a successful job, where I am happy but not filthy rich, money has never been important to me, I like being financially stable but not rolling in it. My husband would be a famous musician composing concertos and music for film soundtracks and other artists, because let's face it even I am a sucker for the closet musicians,"

"My life would be that of utter peace and love, no outside influences to affect me, there will be arguing of course because no one's life is that damn perfect. My wife would be working in a career she loves and would come home to me every night talking about our day and I'd then appreciate the tiny things, the way she sways to music as she cooks when she knows that no one is watching, the way her forehead creases when she is stressed. Our children will be the most loved children on the planet; I always wanted to be a dad, even when my behaviour was atrocious – I don't care about genders, as long as they are healthy and have the good parts of DNA from my wife and I,"

"What do you want to do, Edward?"

"I want to be a musician but frankly, I wouldn't know where to start...These people who just get signed, how the hell do they manage it? Is it simply a 'right place at the right time' moment?"

"Yes, it's all about luck. The entertainment and performing arts industry is all about luck and hard work, then that in turn equals talent. Can you really imagine being married to me?"

"I can't imagine my life without you, I literally cannot live without you and I am not going to, not whilst there's breath in my body,"

"There's never going to be anyone else, we haven't made our relationship 'official' yet-"

"Wait, _official_?"

"We haven't had sex,"

"Oh boy," I sighed. Where did she get that, from? How does a relationship have to be official at all and in whose eyes? Marriage was official because it was a legal document on a piece of paper, a record of some kind like the birth of a child would be. How does having sex make our relationship any different to what it was, now? I was never going to love Bella any less, in actual fact I was falling more and more in love with her each day if that was even logically possible, yes I wanted her, to show her how much she meant to me and how much love for her was in this once cold heart but, I didn't care that she wanted to have sex with me right away, the fact that she was honest and told me that she was afraid because it was her first time just made me believe than when the moment is right, it will be more than just sex. With Bella I was never going to have a meaningless fuck.

I shifted my weight to the side, laying close to the side of her body as she left an awkward silence, I brought my hand up to both of hers lying on her stomach and responding, she wrapped my hand in both of hers, my skin encircled in her warmth.

"Bella, don't you realise that I don't care about that stuff, not anymore. I mean, I care of course but not just purely for release as I did before. I love the fact that you want to wait, and I love touching your body more than words can ever express that won't make you blush with embarrassment. I will wait, as long as it takes for you to fully trust me and I will always want you, to share that potential night with you, I have never made love to anyone before but, with you, Bell – I have the chance to,"

"Edward," she shifted to the side, our eyes now glued to one another's, a single tear falling down her fact in which I automatically brushed away from the rosiness of her cheek, pink on ivory, _heaven!_ "Do you think that maybe we could manage to get some time alone, by ourselves one night? I don't think we should be doing such things in your parent's home, I wouldn't feel right – I have some savings, not much because I started saving up potential money for University quite late but, how about we go away for a weekend in a break from school, I mean the October half term is coming up in a couple of weeks and, how would you feel having some time, alone?"

"That sounds incredible, Bell. However, don't spend any money in that account, you need all the money you can to support yourself at University when you go. I will treat you,"

"No Edward you and your family have already done so much,"

"Don't argue with me. I won't back down, I have a savings account too in which my father owns the card, he put a loan in for future education purposes and I'm sure he wouldn't mind giving me it now I am eighteen,"

"I am ready, Edward. I want us to have sex, I may not be good at it but, all of this feels right and even when I was all over you at that party, I realised that my instincts are right without the alcohol and I'm an idiot to let my fear take me away from something so special,"

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, Edward I am ready."

_Oh my God, how did I get so fucking lucky?_


	61. Tearful Situations

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**~Emmett~**~~

School had been annoying as hell, basically coach had roared at me until his heart's content about my sudden gain of five pounds. Five lousy pounds gets you a place in shitty land and it seems like a small price to pay considering that there were other things to be thinking about. Usually coach gave me a grilling over my academic abilities but they seemed to be afloat, instead I needed to lay off the McDonalds and sometimes the occasional Indian takeaways. What my parents don't know is that lunch every day is usually my whole calorie intake for the week; I have my jeep and the ability to go out to lunch instead of having to stick with Canteen food. I eat mum's food but basically that can be my fifth meal of the day. I know, I am not proud of it but fat tastes _so_ good.

Taking up coach's advice and frankly not wanting my nuts to be chopped off next time around, after school I had gone home not staying too long with my mum, Edward and Bella doing individual stuff and took a hand at jogging. I am not a very good runner, but my stamina as a sportsman proved to stretch as far as a decent jog around the village, and the village was huge because it was so close-knit with some other areas, more like a town than a village, really. I took the park route, holding tight to my water bottle conveniently shaped like a circle so that I was able to wrap my fist around it as my body bounced up and down. I never realised how much damage I was doing to my body before, after the first mile I had given up all hope of having a good pace so instead I resorted to walking at a fast pace, not looking like a pussy and having my hips sway left, right and centre because that isn't attractive for anyone but it was a speed enough to have my heart hammer in my chest. My body wasn't like it used to be, there I was thinking and believing that I was making some progress, but oh my good god I could not have been more wrong.

The park was a great place to be, I remembered when Tor had asked me out, our 'non-date' and a kebab, the smell from the stand walking past was enough to make me want to stop and chomp down on some donner but I forced myself to keep my head. Having fought temptation, I looked out onto the green watching the couples walking hand in hand, the dog walkers watching their dogs take a dump and then walk away looking swiftly from side to side praying inwardly that no one noticed them. No, not every park is 'no fouling' there are always the crafty ones who are never that crafty and could easily be caught if anyone were around. I stopped as my eyes caught the back of someone's head, I knew that hair anywhere. I suddenly had a battle with my head and my heart, my heart demanded that I go over but my head was shouting keep going, coach is going to kill you. I chose my heart and taking a swig of my water, I walked the short distance to the bench and keeping my eyes out onto the footpath, I sat down. After a few moments, I eased my head to the side.

"Well, well look at you in your jogging suit!" Tor smiled and lifted her eyes away from her notebook, she had been drawing something before I had come over, but her smile was worth coming over for even if it did look a little border-line stalkerish.

"Hey Tor. I didn't know you draw,"

"I don't. Well suffice to say I haven't drawn for a while, not since my mum got admitted, anyway. I used to sit with the local oldies with the easels, I doubt whether they have been seen by any young people besides me but they are in the art club. It was so nice to be at one with nature and have the same materials as everyone else and sketch the same area. Of course the beauty about art is that no one draws the same, everyone has individual eyes and concepts. Damn, I'm sorry, here I am talking about art when you are not the slightest bit interested, so why are you in a tracksuit?" I couldn't help but notice how adorable she was when she felt the slightest bit of embarrassment, the colour to her cheeks was something that I would never be able to dislike.

"Coach grilled me today, literally. We had a weigh-in-"

"Ah kind of like a, let's humiliate ourselves when all the room hears how much you weigh situation?"

"Something like that."

"So a little bit of a hunch but, I am guessing that it may not have gone well...Considering that I am sure you'd much rather get our kebabs and eat them now rather than when my dad comes out of the bushes and shoots you."

"That would be nice, yeah." Tor laughed and shook her head, her expression suddenly changing seriousness to her tone of voice "I am so sorry about him. He doesn't mean it, I don't expect him to have me under lock and key _all_ my life, at least until I am twenty one,"

"I mean, he's your dad I don't know what to say. I agree with him that in the past I have been the biggest shit in the world but, there is no chance that he will allow me to prove myself if he doesn't stay in my presence for more than five seconds,"

"I believe you've turned a corner, I mean you saw right through me and to be honest I don't like acting defensive and prickly, that's not who I am. I really wanted to share that kebab with you as well," Tor bit down on her lip and closed the notebook in her lap. "I'd show you but, I don't have a lot of confidence in my art – my parents aren't even aware that I draw at all,"

"That's cool no worries. Why aren't you at home?"

"Just needed to be out, most nights I just come out here and...Ponder about things that I shouldn't really think about, recently I have been spending too much time in my head and that isn't healthy,"

"What have you been thinking about?"

"Nothing, really, truly there is nothing going on in my head that is interesting, just crap," _I may not be the smartest button in the box but something tells me that she isn't telling me the truth._

"I usually think when things are changing, emotionally, physically, it can be anything,"

"Yeah I'm pretty much the same." Tor ended the conversation, I was not convinced that she was telling me anything truthful because her eyes were so far away from my face, I wanted to pester her, not pester so much as asking and asking her what was on her mind, something that she didn't want to speak of because she would feel embarrassed or something that she didn't feel I would care about. I had come to realise since we had been working together at the club that Tor and I were never going to be complete strangers again. Just walking past each other in the school corridors and not looking at one another in the face. There could be no moment in which we were in close radius where we wouldn't say hello, not in competition as to who would make the first move, we would finally be natural. I had also not been able to get her out of my mind, as annoying as hell as it was having to walk around my bedroom looking like a zombie. Fortunately mum hadn't heard me, she usually has ears like a hawk and there is no getting out of feeding her a lie for lack of sleep.

"Listen, do you think you could spare one night of exercise, I thought you might come here – I know weird, right, but I guess I have these premonitions sometimes and well...I wanted to do things properly." Tor pulled out a kebab from beside her on the bench, the paper hadn't been touched, she shot me a small smile and shrugged her shoulders "I could finish this by myself but, sharing with a friend is better."

"Ahh well, we can't waste a perfectly good kebab, anyway we don't have weigh-ins for another month so I can always stick with rabbit food for three weeks,"

"Exactly and if you need me, I can chump on a carrot with you!" I laughed; Tor could really be funny when she was able to relax from what was going on in her head.

"That won't be necessary but thanks, come on then give it here!"

As I took the bundle in my hands, I tore the paper and rested it onto my lap, I picked up the small pot of sauce and without thinking added the meat to the pitta bread and took a bite out of the whole thing, not knowing that there was chilli sauce in the middle and now it had gone all over my tracksuit top. Tor gasped next to me confirming my worst fears, damn it a man tries to be cool but I still ate like an animal – mum was right about one thing, I do belong in the zoo.

"Oh my God!" Tor exclaimed fighting back laughter as I lowered the kebab from my mouth and looked down to my shirt, the stain wasn't too bad, just a long line going down to the bottom hem. "Now that was classic, come on we have to go and wash that out before it makes a permanent mark."

"Na it's cool, I have other tracksuits like these,"

"No please I insist. I brought the kebab so in a way, I brought this onto myself. My house is a shorter distance from here than yours; I have some stuff that will make that disappear." Did she just seriously ask me to come to her house? One minute I am jogging along minding my own business and the next I am entangled in this fucking web with Tor again. What were we? What are we?

"I am not taking no for an answer, grabbing her sketchbook in one hand she stood and held her hand out to me, I took it grasping her small hand in my own and leaving the kebab on the ground for the dogs or birds to chomp on.

~~**~Victoria~**~~

_Oh good god what did I just do?_

One minute I was sketching away on the pad, trying to make out the exact connection Emmett Cullen and I have through the use of abstract doodles, my specialty and now he was walking home with me hand in hand so I could wash his shirt. What am I, his mother? I didn't know what possessed me to say those things or invite him back, I craved his company the more we were thrown together – I hoped to see him today as I had been unfortunate in seeing him anywhere around school. Yes, I also got a kebab. What is it with the opposite sex, they can make us feel so beautiful one moment and then they can make us look like a complete idiot? I didn't have any reason to complain, Emmett had been brilliant to me – more than brilliant and when others may not have cared a jot about what was going on with me, Emmett sits and listens and sometimes just having a person around in life to listen to you is enough to cope another day.

As we held hands, it felt right – not strange or embarrassing, almost as if the rest of the world accepts us like this and the only real issue is my blatant running away from what was going on with us, how we were changing. I didn't let go, I liked the warmth of his hand, the warmth and security it sent into the depths of my skin, right through my bones. I had someone that cared, someone to face the world with if we so wanted to and Emmett didn't pull away from me, either. Is it stupid to imagine that he may like this new development?

"Any news on your mum?" Emmett asked me as we crossed the road away from the park and towards my house. In that moment I wanted to cry, not because of how hard it was to live without my mum and tell her about Emmett and I but because the tone of his voice made me believe that he cared to ask about her. Even though he had never met her. I was having an emotional day, most of it spent talking with myself in my head – I couldn't even talk to Bella and she was one of the most approachable people alive.

"No news yet, we try and see her as much as we can but, as much as I love my dad. I sometimes just want to talk to her on my own, she may not be able to hear me but somehow that doesn't matter, I just need to vent sometimes."

"I am around for that as well, you know."

"I think I have thrown enough of my emotions onto you, so I didn't see you around school today...Big event in the gym or something?"

"Weigh-ins always suck. They are too time consuming as well, at least if we put on weight then we should then go away and work off the extra fat with laps around the field as punishment,"

"Then again, that wouldn't be an effective punishment. A punishment for that would be to bring in an advisor from Weight watchers or slim fast to give a talk about healthy eating,"

"You're not far off the mark, there. Listen, Tor, are you sure this is okay, because I have been meaning to get some new sports clothes anyway and losing this won't cause me too much pain-"

"No let me do something for you, you have listened to me for a while now and, as embarrassing as it is to talk about myself. I want to give something back,"

"Tor-"

"Ssh, I want to." I sealed the deal with a tug of his hand and as we approached the road to my house, I released his hand not wanting any of my nosey neighbours to gossip. I live around people who have nothing better to do with her boring lives than torture everyone else, Emmett said nothing but I could still feel his eyes in the back of my head as I walked ahead of him taking my keys from my pocket and turning them into the lock, I stepped aside once inside to let Emmett in and then closed the door behind me.

"So I have some shirts upstairs that are big enough for you, I like to sleep in men's T-shirts for sleeping," I mentally kicked myself as Emmett shot me a confused glance. "I have no idea why I said that, just stay here for a minute and I'll come back down,"

"Tor I'll just give you this shirt, I have a top on underneath,"

"Oh well...Can I get you anything whilst you make yourself comfortable,"

"No really I'm fine thank you. Can I just use your bathroom?"

"Sure, it's up the stairs, the last door on the left."

"Thanks" I could feel my heart and soul emptying as Emmett left the room and climbed the stairs, I rushed to the sink and poured a glass of water, suddenly having him here made me parched as hell – not to mention shaking like I am in some kind of fricking snowstorm! Why can't I pull it together? I am just washing a shirt; I am not on a date or faced with a proposal of marriage! There are other things in life that cause emotion like this and this is not the moment to look like an idiot.

Gulping the water down, I steadied my breathing in an attempt to calm myself down once the glass was empty, I left it in the sink turning back around and walking back into the living area, I dropped my sketchbook on the sofa and ran my fingers through my hair, thank God Emmett liked the pretty girls because I will never have to worry about him taking a bit of interest in me. Lord knows what I looked like; I didn't want to know right now.

The minutes went by torturously until Emmett finally walked back down the stairs, I was immediately stunned by the size of his muscles, the tank top did not leave much to the imagination and I suddenly needed to have another glass of water, or maybe a five litre carton. "Here, thanks so much for doing this." He handed me the tracksuit top. _Look alive, Tor!_

"N...No problem. Please sit down on the sofa, or a chair, I mean whichever floats your boat. I'll be right back, this won't take long with an eighteen minute wash and I can always put it in the dryer for fifteen minutes because, I wouldn't want you going back out in wet clothes."

"Thank you." _Oh dear god that smile. I preferred being the bitch; at least I had a chance to shout out my frustrations whereas now, I have to always be in my head._ My legs felt like jelly and I assumed that the situation was only going to get worse, maybe to the point of where I just end up like liquid on the floor.

I suddenly knew what was happening; we had a connection because I desired Emmett Cullen. I ached to be with him, even though we had only started talking like _five minutes ago_ and his change had surprised me more than ever. I had no idea Emmett could be this _human_, could possibly have this much care about other people. Everyone worshipped his parents and no one was a stranger to how nice they were.

_Oh god why does it have to be me?_

_Emmett Cullen will be no more into me than his brother was?_

_I am just kidding myself._

Blinking back the tears, I walked into the washroom bringing the top up to my nose and smelling the fabric. I was welcomed with the faint smell of aftershave, I couldn't name the brand for the life of me but I couldn't force away the smile that Emmett's smell gave me, it made me feel warm and safe.

_I have just made things a whole lot worse._

~~**~Emmett~**~~

I sat on Tor's sofa, I must have looked like a right lemon; I didn't care about what my body looked like. I had always been muscular than my brother because of my determination to sport, but sitting here in my tank top, fully covered excluding my arms, I felt like a fool. I didn't know what to do, what to say and there has never been a time in my life where I have been speechless about anything. However with Tor, anything can happen.

I watched her go and instantly wanted her to come back, reach out to her and bring her back to me – even though she was coming back, anyway.

_God damn it!_

"Now, that's all done. Is there anything you want to do whilst we wait? I don't have any electronic stuff, just a laptop...Perhaps you want to check your emails or something. Oh no, wait, of course you would have checked those before you left." Tor became more and more adorable and interesting the more she stuttered over her words, the girl was not used to male company around her house – that much was set in stone but the more she bit down on her lip or swayed her hair away from her face, the more endearing she became and frankly...More beautiful.

"Please come here and talk to me...We don't have to do anything, we can talk,"

"Talk? Okay, what do you want to talk about?" Tor perched herself in front of me on the other sofa cushion, throwing her sketchbook behind her and folding her arms. Suddenly she was enclosing herself and, looking vulnerable. I didn't mean to make her feel like this, make this situation worse but I couldn't turn down an offer to talk with her more, _wherever_ we ended up being.

"Are you shitting your exams in the summer?" I asked, leaning my back against the cushions and leaning my head on one of my arms.

"No, not really...I have support and to be honest the revision is the easiest for me, the actual exams make me want to vomit sometimes, you?"

"I have taken them before, I have to revise this time around...My dad won't let me have a third chance at year twelve,"

"Oh of course I forgot...You are technically supposed to be a year above me-"

"Yeah but I failed that so, I am just one of you-"

"Yeah I guess so,"

"Look, Tor, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

"What do you mean?" I inched my arms closer but she moved back, quick to stop me.

"You're trembling."

"Oh it's nothing, I didn't have much to eat today, what with everything going on it can make someone lose their appetite and-"

"Tor, please tell me what's on your mind? Maybe I can help you-" I edged closer again, this time she rose completely from the sofa and backed away.

"That cycle should be done in a minute...I'll just-" before she could finish, before my head could stop me, I stood up and grabbed her wrist in my hand, she turned on the contact, her beautiful red hair shining under the light for a moment as she did so. "Emmett-"

"Tell me you don't feel that, Tor? Tell me that you don't feel something, here?"

"I don't understand, what am I supposed to feel?"

"Tell me what's going on, Tor...please?"

"Why do you want to know, and what do you even care what I'm thinking. I've told you, it's nothing."

~~**~Victoria~**~~

I could feel my chest rising and falling hard, his wrist on mine causing the threat of my heart to explode all over us in my living room. As much as there was a part of me that wanted to pull away, I couldn't bring myself to release myself from his grasp. His touch sent electricity through my body in ways that I could never have imagined, before. Is this feeling real? Or is it some kind of figment I am making up in my head, trying to find some logic explanation as to why my body reacts so much to this guy who a few years ago may have been my ticket to life in prison for murder?

Emmett moved closer, his face inches from mine. I was glued to the spot, I couldn't move then even if I wanted to, he did not fence me in because both his arms weren't secured around me, I closed my eyes taking in the moment. Mum had always told me to take risks and this was my risk, saying no to the safe option and embracing the change in our friendship. I could never be friends with Emmett Cullen, not now I knew what it felt like to have his skin meet my own. Emmett sighed as he rested his forehead against my own; my heart was beating so fast, my palms growing hotter and hotter each second.

_Oh god, I could stay like this forever!_

"I can smell your shampoo...Coconut." he whispered, his breath fanning my tingling lips and skin.

"Yes." I breathed.

"I smelt it the first time I drove you home from the football club, I don't know anyone else who uses it. It's beautiful-"

"Thank you-"

"You're beautiful, Tor. I don't know what is happening to us, but being here like this, just silence and just hearing you breathe, your heart beating, it's enough." I felt the emotion from his words, the tears filled my eyelids as I opened my eyes to the whiteness of Emmett's shirt, he towered over me in height but – I never felt safer or more protected being so close to him.

As I brought my head away from his, he looked down at me, smiling softly and running his other hand across my cheek. I was paralyzed, he had me, he had me at his mercy and all I could do was stare at him, the tears building and building.

Then, the washing machine beeped from the washroom, bringing us both away from the moment, I stepped away from him, my heart breaking as I did so, Emmett stepped back as well, scratching his head. "I'll just put it in the dryer; now and then I can walk you back home." I stuttered trying desperately to discreetly blink away the tears from my eyes.

"No, Tor you know what...I need to go back home now, my mum will worry and...Before she sends out a search party. Can you just find me at school tomorrow and give it to me, then?"

"Oh sure, I mean if that's what you want-"

"Yeah that would be the best. Thanks for everything and, have a great night, okay?"

Emmett was gone out of the front door faster than the wind. He felt awkward about being so forward and I suddenly felt remorseful that I had not backed away from his advances. Of course he was going to regret doing that, he was Emmett Cullen after all.

I missed him in the silence of the house. My heart screamed his name to come back, I ached for his arms around me completely, the way he had effortlessly shielded me from the rest of my life without even knowing he had done so.

There was also one other thing, now that I was absolutely certain...

I am falling in love with Emmett Cullen.


	62. Fluttering Hearts

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**Bella~~**~~

*(A week later)*

I had been so bogged down with schoolwork for the past week that I didn't have time to do anything else. Usually Cosmo and I would have a walk or I would go out for a stroll to clear my head of stress but it seemed even exercise had to be stopped. As soon as any 'mock exams' happen in schools, that's when all the staff start to panic in case they haven't taught their students the curriculum. Believe me, it has happened to yours truly in my GCSE year and I was clever enough to find out the real criteria and study three weeks for hours on end before the written exam. Eventually that teacher was fired so, it wasn't that hard on the students in my class because most of them left before the course ended, anyway. My mocks were the week we came back from our half term break next week.

For hours I had been working on my English Lit essay, yet another example of written evidence for my coursework. In this subject the coursework counts for sixty percent of my final grade so, more important to get an average grade well...A pass for the various essays and the portfolio on our notes. Edward had been hard at work with his other subjects and it was probable that he was going to ask for some guidance in his own English work, not help where I did everything because my Edward could hold his own academically but, honestly I had the upper hand ever so slightly more in the written side of English Literature. Edward was a much more practical student.

Cosmo continued to look at me with his big eyes, Esme had been the person to walk him up until recently but he was always used to our adventures. He liked them with me and it was nice for me to use him as I searched around for jobs. Yet, of course I still couldn't get anything and I couldn't do volunteer work without pay of some kind because Esme was paying for an extra person to eat and she shouldn't have to. Breathing a sigh of relief at typing the very last sentence of my conclusion, I looked over at Cosmo who hadn't stopped looking at me since running into the guest room to be with me. Once he saw me take up the family laptop, he was all ready to just sleep for more hours in the day.

"Okay, buddy...How about we go for a walk in the park this evening?" I suggested watching him adoringly as he left the bed and hopped up onto my lap curling up instantly, the warmth of his body comforting me. I took that as a yes to the suggestion. My baby was growing everyday and it wouldn't be long before he got to be full-grown.

As I began to stroke his fur, there was a soft knock on the door, swivelling around on the chair I found the beautiful eyes of Edward staring back at me.

"Hey baby, you finished?" he asked walking into the room and kissing my forehead.

"Yes, are you?" I replied the smile permanently on my face as usual.

"Hmmm...I have been researching hotels for next week," _bang goes the smile._ At the mention of our going away, my heart began to race, this was the usual effect on me whenever it was mentioned in conversation – I wanted to spend some time with Edward but that didn't stop me from feeling very nervous about what was going to happen.

"Oh really, did you find any?"

"Mum's friends always praise Hampshire, the new forest have some amazing camp sites and forest-view hotels so I decided we could go there. Enjoy the forest as well as the time we spend together in our very own room." He whispered his lips heating up the skin on my neck.

"Hmm, that sounds great."

"I can't wait." His lips moved further to my collarbone, Cosmo wriggled on my lap, the warmth suddenly disappearing as he jumped off, he didn't have to make noise to let me know that he was pissed at the moment between us ruined. I couldn't care when Edward was paying so much attention to me, worshipping my body that I have hated in secret for so long in the past. My boyfriend made me feel so damn beautiful; I needed him in so many more ways than the obvious desirable way. I could not physically go a day without being with him, not so much intimately in situations like these but just hanging out. "Edward, I need to take Cosmo out for a walk, besides you have a shift in an hour."

"I'll call in sick," he seized my legs and spread them apart, my willing limbs unable to fight against his touch.

"No way, mister. If you don't want your job then I will." I threatened. Edward's job as a waiter in the same restaurant we went to on our first date in Bluewater, about half an hour from his house and an easy drive when not in rush hour. The shifts he was to work were very long, sometimes not finishing until around ten or eleven late at night, but he had managed to stay on top of his academic workload. At the moment, he had a second week of training before he began to serve unaccompanied. Edward's job meant that we did not spend so much time together, however I looked on the change as a good thing, he had managed to get a job so there was some hope for me. I had still yet to hear back from 'Waterstones' book shop and the 'Disney store', both in Bluewater shopping centre. I had more of a chance to be nearer to Edward but in different areas of the centre, there was a local bus route and I could choose to work the evening shifts or the weekend shifts, my hours were deemed much more flexible than Edward's. My interviews had gone well; I walked out without any regrets or any desire to put a gun to my head and to me, that was a record considering my track of luck up until recently. Besides, my job in these fields were more retail and sales and to be honest, my lack of knowledge didn't seem to matter, the books seemed more like my kind of place but I wasn't going to be fussy.

"Edward." I stood up, leaving him to wobble slightly, his weight falling from his knees, the astounded expression on his face. "Get ready for work, we have next week to relax and do nothing!" I exclaimed pointing my finger towards the door. I needed a distraction from the sexiness of my boyfriend, he was insatiable to me, my limbs and my body proving dangerous underneath his attentions...I was not strong enough to refuse him as we got to a certain point, clothed or half-clothed and I was not going to be responsible for his lack of punctuality. Basically not giving his employers any reason to be pissy at him unnecessarily. Shooting me a pout, he kissed me and left the room, Cosmo immediately running around my legs, knowing that the attention was now left for him.

"Forget this evening; let's head out now, huh? Then we can go to get some shopping, something for dinner...Maybe some more treats for you my beautiful boy!" I cooed as Cosmo jumped up, his paws on my legs, his tail wagging appreciatively. I grabbed his second lead from behind my bedroom door, Esme kept one downstairs to use when she walked him, herself. Cosmo was quick to beat me down the stairs and started frantically jumping around by the front door. I climbed into my shoes and quickly scribbled down a note for the Cullen's, the shower was on upstairs which meant that Edward wouldn't be able to hear me shout out a goodbye so I placed his name in the note as well. I took my small bag from one of the coat hooks and opened the front door, the outside air brushing my body.

"Cossie." I called my boy who came skipping back from the end of the driveway, I knelt down and put the lead on him and then we headed out towards the direction of the park. I didn't have to pass my mum's house, the 'sold' sign been there for a while, now and since I had put that part of my life out of my head there was no reason to wait for the moving van, that is if she had any possessions left, none that she's sold to pay for crack, anyway.

As we stepped away from our road, altogether...I came to a sudden halt at the sight of Tor coming towards me, she had been so quiet recently that we could barely hold a good enough conversation like we used to. I knew that something was wrong but at the same time I wanted her to tell me in her own time and out of choice. My best friend's eyes were on the floor but the moment Cosmo barked she looked up, her eyes meeting mine, her feet also stopping instantly.

"Bella."

"Hi Tor, are you alright?" I asked, leaving Cosmo to make a fuss over the familiar face at her feet, he didn't make noise instead he just sat waiting for her to make a fuss over him.

"Yes, well...No. Is Emmett at home?" Tor answered, a little flushed.

"No he's gone out for the night, meeting and having dinner with someone he went to pre-school with, apparently – she moved away but has come back on holiday with her family so through emails they decided to meet up-"

"It's a she?"

"Yes, but you know Emmett, as long as they are a women he will be tempted to put on the moves. I can't really moan about him because it's his continuous flirtatious manner that I love so much. He can have so many knocks by a woman and yet he still-"

"Well could you please tell him that I have something for him? Something that he really should have back before I make it a permanent item in my collection, I forgot to give it back because of...Anyway, actually there is something...Forget about what I just said. Can you just please give this to him? Or leave it in his room to find or something?" Tor buried into her jeans pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper with Emmett's name on it. I didn't have the heart to ask her what was in it to remove my own curiosity. Instead, her eyes dropped and she took a deep breath, the water rising in her eyes had not go unnoticed by me but I couldn't ask her what the matter was, I had the sneaky suspicion that what I had said about the girl Emmett was meeting being a girl may have something to do with her fight to keep her emotions hidden. "Thanks Bella." Tor said turning around and leaving Cosmo and I standing there as quickly as she had seen us. We were not talking as much as we used to, even in our French lessons the cause to joke and to giggle under our breaths had disappeared. Tor hadn't been the same for a while, identical in the sense that she was spending too much time with her thoughts, pondering which was my worst habit.

"Y...You're...W...Welcome." I stuttered to myself. I have never seen anyone get away from me so fast and honestly, there weren't that many enemies outside the _two_ familiar ones, Cosmo looked a little astounded as he looked up at me, not once had he been acknowledged or petted by Tor. I put the paper in my pocket and ignoring what had just happened, continued to walk towards the park.

~~**Emmett~~**~~

"God Emmett you are an idiot!"

Almost choking on my food, I looked up at Emily startled by her outburst. "How?"

"Come on...You hold this girl in your arms, pretty much turning her emotional state into jelly and then you walk out with some stupid excuse about your mum. Who does that?"

"Em, she's doing things to me, she's making me feel things that I have only felt for Rosalie before. I don't want to be around her in case I upset her, I don't want to be the reason she suffers in any way and if I tell her what is happening then I run a risk,"

"What have I told you all these years, Emmett Cullen? Rosalie is a bitch and was always a bitch she wasn't right...Anyone could tell you that! This Tor, if she makes you feel this way then you need to tell her, actually gradually ease back into talking since you've blanked her for the past week!"

"Emily, it's complicated. Her dad hates me."

"My parents hated Robert but, we have been married for nearly a year and I haven't lost my life or any sleep. I went with my heart and took that instinct, you can always talk to her dad and try to smooth things over-"

"Risk losing my life?"

"Is she worth it? Is she worth gaining injuries over, if that means that you can spend all the time you want with one another? Dates, cinema, snuggles in bed? It's the little things in life that are so incredibly luscious to describe into words."

"Yes she's worth it, oh Christ trust me to have this conversation with another girl...My mum would have only said the same,"

"Well we girls always stick together in these matters...Especially when the guy in question is acting like a complete coward. I mean, if you don't feel you want to be with this girl then you have been leading her on and that isn't fair."

"I didn't mean to send her signals, I _want _to send her signals, I want to be near her all the time but there's always this shit with her dad, he would gladly kill me and, her mum isn't well-"

"Stop making excuses, Emmett. If you want to be with her or not, you owe it to her to set the record straight. Face to face, civilly. I tell you this, if you don't go through with this then I shall be very disappointed in you, she sounds like the best thing that could possibly happen in your life. With her mum, she probably needs support and a person there, too."

"For fuck sake." I slammed my knife and fork down on the empty plate, Emily had taken a few bites out of what looked like just a 'side' salad, enough there to feed a mouse until it's full and left it, I, already feeling like a pig knew deep down that she was right.

I hated it when women were always right; it's one of their superpowers that didn't make it into the male chromosome of DNA. Tor was the best thing to happen to me, I couldn't physically believe that the girl I hated such a short time ago had grown to mean so much to me and who I would care so much for in return. After Rosalie, I believed that there could be no one else going out with a pillock like me. All I had were muscles which I worked my fucking arse off for, no personality, no soul...Just the tactic of bullying people which as a result worked brilliantly. Who else apart from Rosalie was ever going to be interested?

Emily placed her elbows on the table looking at me intently up and down. "Why don't you just tell her how you feel, how much you like her?"

"I don't just like her, Emily. The reason I walked away was because I was so fucking afraid to lose all resolve in my self-control. I wanted to be closer to her, even closer, run my hands through her hair. Jesus I am so whipped!" I slouched back into the chair and gestured to the waitress for the bill.

"Sounds like it. Pull your head out from the past and live in the present, mister. Even I can say that you are not the person you were once or the same one growing up so maybe there is an opportunity to change your path and the person you will end up with. Everyone has a real soulmate after all and quite a few bad fishes."

"Yes, alright...I'll tell her...Somehow. Anyway, how long before you go back home, again?"

"A week," Emily answered wiping her mouth with her napkin as the waitress handed me the black pouch, I opened it...Placing down my debit card and taking an after-dinner mint chocolate, I handed it back to her. Emily shot me a frown.

"Dinner was on me, tonight...That's the reason I invited you out in the first place-"

"No I know you only wanted to hear about 'the girl', besides, you can buy me an ice cream afterwards-"

"Why don't you just have dessert, instead?"

"I don't like anything but profiteroles in a restaurant, besides I have a craving for McFlurry, or maybe two."

"Damn I want your metabolism, if I ate even half of what you do, it would trail down my throat and straight to my arse!"

"That's the beauty about being me. Anyway, I have to really shape up for coach but since he has been in such a mood recently, all of us have decided to go against what he says just to see him PMSing some more."

"Oh to be a guy!" Emily sang putting down her napkin. The waitress came back with the card machine and filling in the PIN number and pressing more buttons, dinner was paid for and, after putting my card back in my pocket I stood up from the table throwing my jacket over my shoulders, Emily put her coat back on and linked her arm with mine as we walked out of the restaurant together.

"So what is the plan, next?"

"Ice cream and a walk in the park sounds good."

"How about park star gazing? We used to make the best fake-astronomy stories when we were younger,"

"You're on." We both stepped out into the chilly night air; the darkness was quick to come in the winter months and we both had jackets tonight, we have made the mistake before in almost freezing to death but as a duo we always found a way out of sticky situations.

Emily and I had been friends for years, since primary school but she had moved away. A little like Alice, she was another member of our team as toddlers with Edward, however she, like Alice also had never had a crush on either me or my brother. Doesn't make being friends with her appropriate or awkward in any way. Being with her was normal, that and the fact that she could kick my arse like my mother can do.

Reaching the park, we headed to the McDonalds on the row of the high street on the corner, opposite. I found myself forever in debt to the new scheme of twenty four hour fast food from the company, that and the reality that the nearest one was so close to me and not driving distance at all. I could burn something before eating my whole body weight and plus maybe a couple of boxes of nuggets but those little shits are tempting!

Once the spotty geeky boy took the one order of one McFlurry, Emily's ordering of nothing making me feel a little piggy that I had eaten enough for the both of us plus two others tonight – he handed me the cold flurry and I began to tuck in, Emily linking her arm around my free one as we walked out and headed down the public footpath.

"Now, who won the last star shape game?"

"Erm, you...You managed to make out a pig which I couldn't manage to top. See, if I wasn't eating this and getting brain freeze at the same time, I may not have told the truth,"

"Oh of course you would, Peppa...Because you love me!"

"Well yes, there is that!"

"Not as much as Victoria, though."

"Oh God I thought this had finished with my declaration to confess my undying love for her!"

"If you confess like that then she is never going to believe you. I then might be inclined to remove your nuts and sell them on eBay."

"You'd have to catch me, first!"

"Dude I out-ran you numerous times during kiss chase and I can do it, again. I work out, Yoga, Pilates, body pump...I am the fittest bird for miles."

I opened my mouth to tease the bird when I spotted familiar brown hair coming towards us from a distance; it was Bella with Cosmo following close in tow. Bella was great with meeting new people and Emily had been interested in her before we began to discuss Tor.

"Hey Bella!" I called over to her, her eyes lifted from the ground and she shot me a smile when she reached close enough to us.

"Hey Emmett, how was dinner?"

"Lovely, I now know why Edward must really like working in that area, they are all so posh and clean and the food is great." Emily answered, her enthusiasm not once false, she must have already known that the girl in front of us was Bella.

"That's good, he will be heading out in a minute, Cosmo and I won't be back to see him until later on tonight I suppose. Oh Em, I found Tor coming to our house, she went back home when I said that you were out for the evening but she asked me to give you this." At the mention of Tor coming to our house my heart began to increase speed, Bella fumbled through her back pocket and handed me a folded piece of paper, I took it and opened it – the two girls with me suddenly unimportant.

~~**Bella~~**~~

Emmett read the letter, the awkward silence causing my feet to shuffle underneath me.

"I'm Emily by the way," Emily broke the silence holding out her hand. I smiled and clasped it.

"I'm Bella." After a firm shake I released her hand, folding my own across my chest.

"Emmett has told me a lot about you, it seems that you're quite the girl for both the brothers, I am a little relieved that Esme has another woman to even things up, she is surrounded by men by majority."

"Yeah but she can hold her own better than any woman I have ever known. Such an amazing mother, so much more so than mine."

"Emmett didn't tell me about your mother and, I don't want to intervene. However, I am sorry that your relationship with her is not as it used to be,"

"Thank you but really I have a great life, now and people that care around me. I'd die for the Cullens and I don't give a jot about how cheesy that sounds!"

"Oh and this must be little Cosmo!"

I wondered just how much Emmett had spoken about, how much catching up he had done in filling Emily in on the whole day-to-day regime up until today. Emmett seemed to trust her, so in turn I trusted her. Emmett may not be the smartest guy but he did have some good friends, perhaps his heart couldn't always be exactly spot-on the right type of girl but he had come full-circle – anything was possible right now.

I watched as Emily knelt to make a fuss of my dog, he had the worst judgement when it came to attention, whoever was patting him or making cutesy faces or speaking in baby talk didn't matter whether they weren't who they seemed as long as they kept loving on Cosmo. I eyed Emmett who seemed like he was stunned to silence, his body completely still apart from the slight shake of the paper from his hands.

"Emmett, are you okay? What did she say?"

Emmett's eyes reached mine, suddenly he handed me the paper. "I...I...Need someone else's opinion on this," he stuttered. Emily stood back up and wrapped her hands around one of his biceps in comfort; Emmett's eyes were on the floor. I was confused as hell, I straightened out the paper in front of me, Cosmo's lead securely around my wrist and read the scruffy scrawl, I already knew that Tor had written this in a rush.

_I am sorry for what happened last week; I shouldn't have allowed myself to find comfort in a very awkward situation. I understand why you left, I embarrassed you and I am so sorry that my stupidity causes any awkwardness between us._

_Maybe its best if we stay apart, this week has been stressful enough with exams and when the half term's over, Coach will be really annoyed if the rabbit food isn't consumed._

_I am so very sorry, Emmett._

I looked up at Emmett; I had to blink away the sudden tears rising in my eyes. Now I understood why Tor had been so distant, why she was always in her head.

Tor had feelings for Emmett. Not the passing-crush feelings, either like she had for Edward. Looking at Emmett I realised that the two of them were meant to be. _Why had I not seen this coming?_ I had wanted Tor and Emmett to realise their growing bond as Edward and I spoke about them on our date but I never once saw it actually happening.

"Em, I'm sorry...I didn't-"

"Oh God she doesn't want to see me, anymore. Doesn't want to be friends?"

"Emmett, there must be a reason-"Emily started.

"This isn't true, Em. This can't be true. Tor always runs away from situations, she is like me and I am not proud of it."

"What shall I do? I don't want us to be apart, I don't want to stay away from her...I don't have the strength for that, shit, what am I going to do?"

"Talk to her-"

"I can't, Emily. If she wrote this then she won't be near me, again. I deserve this, I ran away from her last week when I wanted so much for her to stay in my arms...When I wanted so much to run my nose along her skin and k-"

Emmett stopped talking, bringing up a finger he shook it at me. "Esme said that Emily could stay around ours tonight, and then she can get the train in the morning to go up to see her family. Emily would you-"

"No problem, our star game can wait until another time. Go and see her...I'll find my own way back to yours."

"Oh no," before I could realise it, I was speaking "I will walk you back."

"Thank you, Bella."

"Thanks, Bella" Emmett said kissing my cheek and running off the opposite way he had been, throwing his McFlurry into the nearest bin on his sprint route. I folded the letter back up and put it into my pocket.

"Let's go." I said to Emily as we both turned to make our way back to the house.

~~**Victoria~~**~~

I felt numb, so very numb.

I waited next to my mum, holding her hand in the usual way. My heart ached so much to have someone with me, someone to reassure me and tell me that everything was alright. However, I had blown my chance to have Emmett come and comfort me. The letter was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The whole damn thing was a lie. A stupid lie that my dad must give me a pat on the back, for.

The letter wasn't for my dad, it wasn't even for me. The fact that Emmett had practically ran out of my house the other week after the 'kebab sauce down the jacket' incident...I had never felt more self-conscious. How could I let my stupid emotions rule my head? I shouldn't have allowed Emmett to hold me the way he did, in case what he felt for me was never going to be the same. I didn't want to possess false hope, false hope that all my dreams could come true in just one moment, where my heart would practically sing and my soul would levitate from my body with elation.

My dad wasn't back from work to meet with me in the usual way. He was more involved into the conversations of my mock exams and writing the letter to Emmett gave me an aide in not telling my father about him, anymore. As much as I cared about Emmett he did not need to ever be verbally abused by my father, my mother wouldn't have stood for it but – she had more courage than I could ever hope to have.

"Oh God mum, please wake up...Come back to dad and me...I need you...I need you so much. Life has gotten so complicated, feelings ruling my head and taking away my self-control. Remember Emmett? I always talk about him and, something happened between us. He held me, in his arms. Oh my heart, mum. My heart was running a mile a minute and, words cannot describe how much happiness I felt then and there. Dad hates him, which makes the chances of us being together so much higher, I need you to knock some sense into him. Ever since I was a child you have always been able to do that. Please just wake up and tell me that I am being an idiot and that if I have the chance to be with someone then I should just grab it. I can't seem to make a decision by myself, yet.

Mum, I love you so much and I miss you. Come back to me."

~~**Emmett~~**~~

I ran towards Tor's front door, knocking on the wood hard in my urgency.

"You looking for the family?" an old woman asked from the next front garden, just standing from kneeling on the ground.

"Yes, can you tell me where they are?"

"Well the young woman has gone to the hospital to see her mother, her and her father always do that of an evening."

"Oh, great thank you!"

My mind was going a mile a minute, I just had to find Tor...I just had to tell her what was going on in my mind, what new developments had taken place since tonight. Since Emily had knocked some sense into me.

I avoided car collisions and almost being bitten by dogs, my heart was straining and screaming inside me from the amount of running it took me to get to the hospital. I should have brought my car but there didn't seem to be time to do anything else but find Victoria.

About half an hour later, I had managed to get to the entrance; I stood outside the automatic doors and took out my phone.

_Please come outside._

I sent a text to Tor, the reception were not going to let me go near the room because I was not a relative and I did not want to be in a hospital for longer than necessary.

~~**Victoria~~**~~

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket; I turned on the screen and glanced at Emmett's name. He must have read the letter and now is sending me a text to justify himself or something along those lines. I accepted the alert and waited for the message box to open.

_Please come outside_

_Oh my god was he here?_

_Was he outside?_

_Why was he here? What did he want?_

I wanted to stay glued to the seat but my legs had other ideas, I released my mum's hand and left her in the watchful eye of one of the nurses who had just entered the room. I wasn't going to explain myself to the staff; instead I ran out of the room and headed towards the entrance.

Emmett was waiting for me outside the automatic doors. "Tor,"

"Emmett...What are you doing here? Did you get my note?"

"Don't talk to me about the note," he seized my hands in his.

~~**Emmett~~**~~

I clasped her hands tightly in mine. Not allowing her the chance to escape for a moment as I got the words out.

"I know that note was a lie. I was stupid to walk out on you and to be honest I don't care about the tracksuit, I spill stuff on my clothes all the time. That's why I was never my mum's favourite person when she did the washing for all those years as I grew up. I didn't want to walk out, I told you I could have stayed like that forever and there was nothing stopping me-"

"Emmett-"

"Tor I don't want to ever break your heart, I know why you want to protect yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. If you decide that we have to be apart after I have spoken then I will go away and we won't see each other in school or talk anymore, I will do anything you want. I just need to say that I don't have the strength to stay away from you...I know I will never be able to and, it will tear me up inside just to be away from you because you have grown to mean so much to me. I learnt some things tonight that I should have known all along," I loosened my grip on her hands and caressed them with mine. "You may be the one person that's it for me, the one person that I needed to get to in life because of how much it would be worth it as an advantage. Oh fuck, Tor I am not good with words, okay. Edward is much better at this literary mumbo jumbo."

"No, you've said enough." Tor replied. I bit down on my lip as she stared down at our hands; I waited in the silence torturously waiting for a response from her, a feeling, anything that could make this better.

Tor stepped towards me and leaned in close, her hair softly brushing along my shoulder. "I did lie in the letter. I don't want to be away from you." She whispered, I sighed at her breath onto my skin, waking up the desire in my soul for her. I released her hands and brought my arms around her shoulders, cocooning her in the place where she truly belonged and had always belonged.

Tor rested her head against my chest, above my beating heart.

The world faded away.


	63. Primal Instincts

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~**~~

~~**Emmett~~**~~

Tor pulled away from me, smiling widely as she grasped my hand in hers. "Can you do something for me?" She whispered her natural scent tantalizing my nose.

"Hmm." I replied unable to form words in how overwhelmed I was emotionally in that moment.

"Will you come and see my mum?" I opened my eyes then. I had never made my fear of hospitals a secret, or at the very least attempted to hide my sobs even as a little boy, the only person who could have calmed me down with success was my mum, but she had even failed to stop me from having the hysterics at the white walls and chemical smells from each department. Not to mention the never-ending corridors which made a person seem like they were walking towards their own death.

"I know you don't like hospitals, but please just say hello to her and then we can go. Before my dad comes here as well and starts fetching his guns from the boot of his car." _Cops having guns...How cliché!_

"Um, alright." I replied. I owed Tor a lot more than she knew but this was one way in which could genuinely do something for her out of kindness. I always wanted to know how her mum was but of course to be honest I never pictured myself speaking to her unless asking permission to be with her daughter. Not in the way we are now but more so, I was falling for Tor – confessing my heart to her outside of the hospital sliding doors made me realise that the feelings I had been experiencing were identical to those with Rosalie. Primarily, confusion and dry throats, stuttered speech and generally looking like an idiot.

Tor took my other hand and grasped them tighter in hers, the warmth surrounding my entire body. "If you need me to hold your hand, please tell me?"

"I'll be fine." I followed her back into the hospital, walking past the reception and down to where her mother was being kept. Her illness was still unknown and I had the sneaky suspicion that her father knew more about his wife's condition than he could be letting on. If that was true, was it a form of protection? I already know that he despised me but was that because of him looking out for Tor or was there another reason? I actually didn't care a damn about whether her father liked me, she was welcome around our house anytime – my mother the hostess that all guests could hope for and also the comforting side to the family unit. Mum was going to love Tor and make her feel like a daughter like she had done with Bella because even though I was a son to my mum, she wanted to protect me as well but then not stop me from seeing anyone I wanted. The motive behind her parenting was to have her children learn the hard way. That was more beneficial, believe me.

I held my breath walking down the dimly lit corridor, the quieter the building became the more I assumed that we were getting nearer to her mum's room.

"Here we are, there's still time to back out." Tor stopped putting her hands on both my arms. We stood in front of a closed door, the white shield from the small square pane of glass in the centre blocking all view from inside.

"No, this is important to you. Besides, you might be saving me once again for facing my fear – this saving thing is getting old in fairytales the men were always the ones cleaning up the mess."

"There is always time to climb into your armour and save me one day. Seems like you save me just by being with me right now. I hate being alone, and I hate being here alone – if I didn't love my mum so much I'd stay at home."

"I know. Are you sure your father won't mind? I don't care about whether he shouts his head off at me, or even tries to kill me getting out his guns but, the nurses might worry that I'm not blood-related and stuff-"

"Emmett, calm down. I want you here and trust me I will only let you stay for, five minutes...Maximum...Then you can leave." Tor replied smiling at me assuring me and shyly looking down at the floor, bracing herself before turning to the side and opening the door that was shielding us. As the door opened further and further I saw her mum lying there helpless on the bed.

Tor stood beside the bed on the right side, I followed closing the door and shuffling stupidly next to her, looking at her mother and feeling a little saddened at how she had no idea about what was happening. No clue about the fact that there was a stranger in her room and this stranger was actually falling in love with her daughter. I was falling in love with her daughter but, she had never heard of me, before. My parents, probably and possibly my brother but not me.

"I'm sorry about this, Tor. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you." I whispered placing my hand on the small of her back, I wanted to wrap my arm around her but I figured that was too far. Especially in the situation we were in.

"It is hard. I miss her. I hate feeling hopeless." With a small sigh she leant down, holding her mum's hand in her own. "Mum, it's me...I'm back. I had to go and meet Emmett at the entrance. Emmett Cullen."

Watching Tor talk to her mum wasn't awkward at all, kind of natural. Like the way people talk to a grave in a cemetery but always talk to the stone as if it were a person and not someone lying dead underground. I had always been fascinated by those people. Riddled with grief, probably tempted to throw anything across the cemetery just to release some anger but yet they weren't phased by onlookers or the real world. They were living in their bubble and if I thought that walking into the room was an interruption, listening and looking at Tor's devoted eyes only for her mother, I was definitely interrupting a real moment between a young girl who desperately wanted her mum to reply.

"Do you remember Esme Cullen? The woman who made jam tarts for the local village fetes? Do you remember her telling us that she had two sons and they went to my school? Anyway, he's just here to support me right now. I told you that I was feeling lonely a couple of days ago." It broke my heart to see someone as amazing as Tor suffer this much heartache. I have never seen her so honest, there was an endearing quality to her being so honest that I could feel my heart starting to drop. I have never seen her so beautiful, either and now I wasn't ashamed to admit that fact in my own head.

"Hello." I stuttered, suddenly as I faced the concept of talking, the atmosphere in the room shifted. I folded my arms and shot Tor an apologetic look, this was clearly new to me – I hoped she would understand that being in the hospital was testing enough for my nerves.

"It's okay." Tor whispered clutching my hand, I wasn't aware that I had been shaking until I felt her warm hand encircle mine, the comfort washing over me from the little gesture.

"Hello Victoria." A voice caused us both to turn to the door, a slightly chubby nurse with a wide smile walked in, a clipboard clutched closely to her chest. "Nice to see you back, again lovely!" she exclaimed popping the board into the pouch at the end of the bed. "Hopefully your mother will be waking up tomorrow; we are hoping that she will. Now that her scans haven't caused the doctor any cause for concern that is."

"Excuse me?" Tor replied, her hand releasing mine and resting on her hip.

"Didn't your father tell you?" _Oh fuck!_ The realisation that my theory about her father was correct gave me the flip-side reaction of anger rather than smugness. I assumed that finding out that he wasn't just being protective, more towards smothering in the care he thought he was giving his daughter would give me incentive to smile but, now that I cared too much about his daughter. It pissed me off.

"No, he didn't. He hasn't told me anything about mum's condition. I thought he was protecting me-"

"Oh sweetheart. We gave him an analysis as best as we could. We originally believe that it was exhaustion and stress but then after carrying out various brain scans we discovered that there was a chemical imbalance. Nothing to be concerned about, we had to found out that first and that is what took the most time. Now she is on the mend and she will have to take some tablets orally for the rest of her life but, otherwise she is perfectly healthy."

I looked over at Tor who looked like she was either going to erupt into an explosion of anger or burst into tears. I saw that she was registering the information but was still naturally appalled by what had been kept from her. I wanted desperately to reach out to her, hold her, calm her down but something inside me stopped that happening. My head said no.

"Right." Tor said meekly. "Well, this changes things."

"Perhaps it's best not to find fault with your father, Victoria. Everyone in the department can see that he loves your mother and he only wanted what was best for you-"

"I don't think that my father really knows me at all. How could he possibly believe that I would be protected from not knowing about my mum? It's bad enough that he can't stand the guy that has given me something in my life to truly cherish but now, after all those nights he had witnessed me breaking down, heard my sobs at ungodly hours when I should have been sleeping – he still didn't say anything. He lied to me."

The nurse gave another sympathetic smile, I didn't blame her for not being able to say anything, or to continue fighting Tor's father's corner – I was at a crossroads as to what to say all on my own. "Anyway, I will be pleased to see when she does finally wake up. I will be back later on for another check-up." The nurse left.

"He was trying to protect you." Another voice, I turned to the bed and on cue, breaking the tension in the atmosphere. Tor's mum's eyes fluttered open, a small smile crossing her lips. Watching her daughter with adoration, Tor put her hands to her mouth and let out a sob, although I am pretty sure she sobbed out the word 'mum'. Very slowly but also with a need, she leant down and leant her head on her mum's shoulder, At the sound of her cries of relief and the way her mum ran her hands through her daughters hair was my cue to leave. This was a moment which Tor has been waiting for. Words needed to be exchanged without strangers to intervene.

I backed away and shot a smile at her mum, whose eyes fell on me for a moment and walked out of the room, not leaving but just remaining outside until my invitation expired and Tor no longer needed me. I did want to stay in case she needed a lift back home, her and her father were not going to be sharing a car tonight unless the air was lifted by communication. I wasn't scared of her father, I didn't care if he walked down the hall and wanted to pick a fight...I was here for Tor and no one else.

The nurse shot me a wink as she passed me to walk the way Tor and I had come. They observe more than they let on members of the medical profession, of course with a job which is mostly caring for others, observation was a part of the deal – I didn't really like to imagine that an older woman, nearer to my mum's age fancied me. Once upon a time that idea would have given me my ego boost – no way would I have gone near those women with a bargepole but the fact that they fancied a toy boy in the form of me was confidence in itself.

I leant back further against the wall, enjoying the fact that Tor's mum was alright and that she could finally sleep at night. As soon as she had mentioned that she hadn't been able to sleep because of crying made my heart break and a large weight of pain surround my chest. If only she had been able to text me then perhaps I could have rung her and helped her to sleep, somehow. I am not much of a talker, always making a prat of myself in screwing up words. Words were always so much more natural with my brother, he had the charm that all the ladies loved whereas I just wanted to get on with it rather than priss about with words or any communication.

"Where did you go?" Tor whispered walking back out of the room, her eyes red and puffy from crying.

"I didn't want to disturb you." I replied running my hand over one of her cheeks. "You need to be alone with your mum right now. I can meet her another time."

"No. I want you here. I need you, Emmett...I need someone besides my parents for a change." Tor replied leaning her head into my hand on her cheek. "I understand if this is too much for you, though. Actually, it's probably best if you head on home. I don't want your mum to worry and besides my dad will be here, soon and I have a few words to say to him. Also taking my phone back from him, all those stupid rules. All those nights I wanted to text you just to say hi, to know that I wasn't alone."

"Ssh, don't get stressed about him. When he arrives then the two of you can talk about it-"

"Believe me there won't be any talking, not _civil_ talking anyway. I am not in the mood for his bullshit anymore. I wanted so much to believe that his behaviour was protection, but he is practically sheltering me. Sounds as if he doesn't want me to grow up and gain some of my own independence. Well tough luck daddy...I am growing up."

"Well, should I give you a lift home?"

"Oh I'd love so much to go back home but, I want to be here until my dad comes and then I'll find my own way. My mum is friends with a member of staff here and she finishes work a little later, she may be able to take me back."

"Okay. Well I should be heading off, then."

"Yeah. Send my love to Bella won't you? I'll see her on Monday, anyway."

"I will. If you need me, text me okay?"

"Yes. Sweet dreams, Emmett."

"Sweet dreams, Tor." After one final smile, I turned and walked down the way that she and I had come down. I wasn't going to leave, just wait in the waiting room until she emerged later on. I didn't doubt that the conversation with her father wasn't going to end happily, she had every right to scream at him and I would scream at him, too if their family's business had anything to do with me. Which it doesn't and I won't jeopardise mine and Tor's relationship any more so than now.

Before grabbing a chair in the waiting room, I headed out to the entrance and pulled out my phone. I wasn't going to be back home for dinner, my mum needed to know and I figured that an explanation of why I had decided to stay might help ease the possible lecture from not contacting her, beforehand.

~~**Victoria~~**~~

I watched Emmett disappear down the corridor, a strong pain in my chest from missing him. He provided a safety blanket for me and, now I was alone once more. I have grown so tired of coping on my own but then again, he needed to be at home with his own family and who was I to deprive him of that? I was so ready to be slightly angry at him when he asked me to meet him at the entrance, the other half of me wanted to wrap my arms around him and never let go.

Walking back into my mum's room, I closed the door and took hold of my mum's hand. I had been holding it all the time when she had been unresponsive but now there was warmth and hope in our contact. Hope that mum was going to come back home and we could all be a family, again. Of course, to maintain my sanity there was going to be some changes put into place.

"Sweetheart, I've missed you. Gosh I feel like I have been in a coma or something."

"It seems like forever."

"Baby, please don't be mad at your father. He only wants what's best for you."

"Mum, please. Stop going all defensive mode with dad, alright? I know the marriage vows make that impossible most of the time but, if he was protecting me then perhaps he could have told me to come back at a certain time. Given Emmett a chance before writing him off as someone who may want to hurt me. Mum, I have gotten to know a complete different side to him, I and everyone else in my school have been deceived in never finding the real Emmett Cullen. Underneath the behavioural issues and binge drinking. As parents, haven't you always told me to give someone the benefit of the doubt because the true colours may be underneath the surface? People can be human and can have hearts underneath stone."

"Wow, you did listen to us, huh?" Mum ran her hand across my cheek. "Do you really see yourself being with him, can you trust him?"

"I do trust him. Mum, he has shown me so much in a short amount of time. He looks at me as an equal, he never judges me has done nothing but help me and the most important thing...He listens. When we look at one another, just talking about random rubbish, our eyes never leave one another's, that brings out confidence in me that yes sometimes I stumble over my words and make myself sound like an unintelligent fool but spluttering doesn't matter. I have someone who wants to listen to me, whatever I talk about. I need dad to know that Emmett is never going to hurt me."

"Have you told your father this?"

"Yes, but he takes my phone away, instead. He won't talk about it, there isn't any negotiation and...Come on, mum shouldn't this be my own choice. _My_ choice in my own life where if I fall so hard on my arse then you as parents have the sole right to tell me to learn the hard way no matter how many tears I cry."

"You're right, sweetie. I will speak to your father, and hopefully one day I will get to meet this infamous Emmett Cullen, if this new change in personality resembles that of his mother's then that is confirmation for me. Now, something tells me that he hasn't actually left this hospital. I may have been out for a while but I know that little glint anywhere and trust me, honey...If he ever treats you badly it's not just your father he will have to answer to but there will be me. I didn't do three years of self-defence training, physical theatre and karate for nothing."

"Damn, I forgot that you could be stronger than dad and perhaps not have to use a weapon to be successful."

"Don't believe that your stubbornness comes from your father for one second, sweetheart."

"I don't. I have never thought so."

"Good. Now, go and be with your guy friend. I don't think I should call him boyfriend, yet...It seems as if you need to find your own confirmation, first."

"No, I want to stay with you!"

"You've stayed with me for long enough, baby girl and besides there are other things more important. I have medical staff taking care of me and I don't want to play the peacemaker when your father comes."

"I doubt he's waiting for me."

"I don't. As your mother, my parent role officially reinstated I am telling you to get your butt out of this hospital and if Emmett isn't here then find him. The both of you can still have a great night before curfew at ten."

I smiled at mum, seeing as she was demanding me that convinced me to kiss her on the cheek and promise to come back, tomorrow and with that, I pressed the nurse call button and left the room. The staff needed to know that one of their patients had woken up in case they needed to make any more tests. I am hopeless when it comes to medicine. My parents aren't the smartest people in the topic either.

Reaching the main entrance, quickly glancing at the falling rain outside, I closed the buttons on my coat and edged slowly toward the entrance, almost being run over by an old woman in a wheelchair, a blanket with a picture of a dog on it around her legs. The woman wheeling her shot me an apologetic look as her inhabitant starting groaning to herself about youth. However everyone could hear her, supposedly as the conversation was meant to be silent enough for only her to hear. I had heard it all before and, I don't think anything of the older generation and their opinion on my generation. Sometimes when they kick up a fuss about something, they aim all their anger at just one person who happens to be in the same age-band – instead of generalizing the ages they solely blame that one individual, when it comes to that individual being me I can't help but find a little bit of annoyance in the reality that I am be blamed for others mistakes.

I pulled up my hood and glanced to the direction of the waiting room, in case of anymore oncoming traffic and felt my heart leap to my throat as Emmett stood up from beside a sickly-looking man and a young girl both finding interest in the window and the wall.

"Hey." He said, folding his arms.

"You didn't leave" I said, it wasn't a question.

"No. I wanted to make sure that you got home safe. In case there was any work you needed to do or something."

"What about your mum? Shouldn't the family be having dinner or something right now?"

"They are...Without me. Mum understands, she sends you her best wishes. I don't think she realised that your mum was in hospital at all. She's not the type to listen to village gossip and rumours."

"No of course not. Tell her thank you...And, you are going to need an umbrella or something. It's pouring out there."

"I don't have my car so, looks like we are both going to be getting soaked."

"No Emmett, I don't want you to get sick...I'd lend you this but I have a feeling that considering how scrawny I am that it won't even fit around one of your arms,"

"You're not scrawny. Besides, I am made of bigger stuff and no amount of rain is going to prevent that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, why not? I don't want to be around Bella and Edward making love eyes at each other from across the table, anyway."

"Surely they sit side by side...I mean being a couple and everything-"

"No seeing as they are a couple, they could be up to many antics under the table."

"Oh. Case closed" I felt a little heat surface from my cheeks. With a gentlemanly stand to the side and hold out his hand for me to take, smiling at the sudden feeling of Emmett becoming cheesy I wasted no time in taking it.

The two of us left the hospital hand in hand into the pouring rain.

~~**Bella~~**~~

After I finished setting the table for Esme, I had changed into my pyjamas and sat on Edward's bed. He was finishing the last component of his uniform, the name badge watching me in his long mirror as I waited for him to finish. This was our goodbye ritual, the more and more it became second nature, the more I hated having to say goodbye to him. Usually he was so tired when he finished that he would just go to sleep in his own bed and we wouldn't speak until the morning. Sometimes I liked to sleep in his bed just to be there for him when he came home and to be able to cuddle up to me. That was, after all the best way for me to sleep.

"We will go and do something tomorrow, baby. I can get out of working the afternoon shift, after all I am on only training-"

"No Edward. This is your job. Besides there will be a chance to be together next week. They are lucky that the restaurant is having that quick construction so that you can get away with me at all."

"I know. God I can never seem to pin this right, can you help me?"

Sighing, I stood up from the bed and took a hold of his shirt, quickly adjusting the pin behind the badge. As Edward circled his arms around me, I melted into his chest, resting my head over his beating heart. "Hmm. You are my life, Isabella Swan."

"You, Edward Cullen are the reason I breathe. If we are going to be all cheesy then at least we can push the boat out!" Edward laughed; I lifted my head and stared into the green eyes that I loved so much. "I can never be as cheesy as you, though."

"This isn't being cheesy, my love. I never intend to be, it just happens."

"Can you just say goodbye to me, rip off the plaster?"

"I can do something better." He whispered, bringing his head closer to mine. His breath paralysed my senses as our lips connected. My hands gripped harder onto the fragile fabric of his shirt, his tongue instantly dancing with my own, my knees melting, my body crashing into Edward's at the same time. The strength in his arms kept me upright when my body threatened to lose all control.

I didn't fight back the moan, the satisfaction that Edward could bring to me, taking me, consuming my soul into a complete haze of heightened emotion; I wished all my life could be spent like this, intimately in his arms breathing in nothing but my beautiful Edward. No one else is coming to shit all over it.

As our lips parted, I took in a deep breath of oxygen and ran my hands through his hair. "Do you want me to wait for you in here when you come home?"

"Always." He breathed in reply, I stepped away from him, letting him pick up his car keys from his desk and walk out of the room, my eyes scanning once to the muscular form of his back peeking through the shirt as he disappeared completely. I heard the clicking of Esme's heels as she said her own goodbye to him, before the front door opened and closed. I sunk to the bed, hating the wait for the half term, the stress with the extra work load wasn't helping, and we needed a little time away now more than ever.

Taking a moment to compose myself, I laid down on my back, breathing in the minty smell of Edward from his duvet and staring up at his ceiling. He had those glow star stickers obviously from childhood in various places in the room, I had never once asked him about it but then again, I didn't think that mattered. I found it cute that Edward wasn't too concerned with getting rid of anything from his childhood. I loved looking at them when the lights were off and his blinds were drawn, as well.

"Knock, knock." I lifted myself off the bed and my eyes fell on Esme standing in the room. I smiled at how stupid it must have looked, me gripping onto Edward's sheets like that was the last time we would ever see each other, again. "Are you okay, Bella?" she asked me, sitting down beside me.

"Yeah, fine. Will just be so pleased to get away for the week."

"Good, well Emmett won't be here for dinner, he rang a little earlier and said that he was with Victoria at the hospital-"

"Oh yeah, Tor's my close friend and her mum hasn't been well."

"Apparently she's awake, but Emmett shocked me a little when he said that he was going to walk her home. In this weather, he'll catch his death. Then again, as much as I love both my sons when have I been able to have the power to stop then except when they come home?"

"Don't worry; he cares too much about her to let her walk on her own. There must have been a reason for him to skip dinner; usually he is the first one here expecting the merchandise before consuming."

"Wouldn't have him any other way, sweetheart. So what's Tor like? I know of her mother, we are not on a 'friends' level but she seems like a lovely woman, extremely generous with charities and fundraising when she is not working, too. Beautiful traits."

"Tor is extremely introverted. I think that her parents have enforced so many rules on her growing up that she finds it difficult to stand on her own two feet. However, as she and Emmett have become friends most unexpectedly to everyone's expectations she has started to come out slowly. Like grow wings in confidence. Kind of like the way I have done with Edward. Must be something in the Cullen genes."

"Genes from my Carlisle no doubt. I was a sucker for him the moment I saw his face, he didn't even have to speak I was so smitten. I hope that Emmett treats her right, I'd die for my children, Bella but what I won't ever tolerate or condone is disrespect towards women...I attempted to make that right when they were growing up. Their behaviour was so bleak for so long I had already deemed myself as a failure. Now, it seems that the two best people to ever come into both of my son's lives are women they truly care about, I never believed that would happen."

"They are amazing, Esme. Edward _and_ Emmett. Tor is slowly falling for Emmett, although she will never admit that to me. I noticed the signs and the awkward silence sets it all in stone, as well."

"Then I shall have to wait for the time when we can finally meet her. Carlisle was rather shocked when he found out about you, Bella but now when I tell him about Tor he will be delighted I am sure."

"There's only a short amount of time before he can be here with you, permanently."

"I know – believe me, honey I have started the countdown. So looks as if it will just be us girlies for dinner. Are you ready to have something?"

"Yes."

~~**Victoria~~**~~

(An hour later)

Emmett and I were soaked from head to toe as we finally reached my house. The wetness of his T-shirt hadn't helped my sudden growth of desire as we walked side by side. I ached so much to run my hands along the fabric, even have him take off his shirt again just to see the thinness of the white tank top he wore underneath. I had to keep my other hand in my pocket to keep from fidgeting.

"God, well we made it!" Emmett said, the wetness from his hair falling down his face, he looked so adorable as he smiled widely. Considering he was probably going to catch hypothermia, he was surprisingly cheerful.

"I need to find you something to wear; you can't walk home in that." I replied undoing the clip in my hair and letting my hair fall along with the hood of my coat onto my back.

"Tor I just wanted to make sure you got in. Besides, I can run and dry off."

Silence fell between us. I knew then that this was my moment, as we both dripped onto the ground below us, the sound of the rain sprinkling beyond the small shelter we had at my front door. This desire had grown too much and, rarely were we together like this without anyone else around or in threat to ruin the moment.

"Emmett, can I just try something?" I asked my voice steady. This is what I wanted, what I have wanted for what seemed like an eternity of being his friend.

"What?" he asked running a hand through his hair before burying them in his trouser pockets. I said nothing, inching my body closer and closer to his. I knew that there was no going back but I didn't care. Emmett had been so amazing to me, so amazing tonight as well that I needed something else besides just 'thank you' to show my appreciation. Feeling the energy radiating from his body, our souls bounding closer and closer together, I reached inches from his lips. Emmett didn't move, instead allowed me to press my lips gently to his, instantly relishing in the unbelievable softness of them. I am no expert in kissing, this was instinct. An instinct that had been growing inside me as we walked from the hospital. Even if he pulled away, now. I was not going to regret my forwardness, because I had needed it too much to describe.

After a few moments, I pulled away opening my eyes to Emmett as he smiled, the shock evident in his eyes at the curve of his mouth, my heart began to pound fiercely inside my chest as I inwardly begged for him to say anything. I put my hand in my coat pockets for my keys when Emmett crashed his lips to mine more urgently, our lips pressing harder as they moulded. I didn't fight anything; I had gone so long pretending that being alone was fine and that I was always so able to cope with anything.

~~**Emmett~~**~~

I didn't have time to think.

Tor had kissed me and damn did I need her.

Breaking away from her mouth, I placed two kisses on the corners of her mouth, her hands wrapping around my neck, bringing us both closer. I had never believed that kissing could be so amazing, not having to rush a girl to play tonsil tennis with me, making out with Tor was something that I desperately wanted to do and I couldn't ever deny that I wanted to rip all her clothes off right here on her doorstep. However, at the gentleness of her kiss, the hesitancy in her eyes about whether she had done the right thing only made me want to show her how much I wanted it to. I never knew how much I wanted this until right now.

Tor sighed as my hands ran through her hair, our lips finding each other's again. Tor was urgent, now parting her lips more and more as we let our lips say all the words we needed to say. Her lips were so soft, I wanted so much to consume all of her, get our bodies even closer together. I was getting hard.

_Shit, the last thing I want is for her to get freaked out!_

I pulled away, stopping myself from doing so much more that in the end, I wouldn't have had the strength to stop myself.

"Wow." Tor breathed, her hands tight in my hair, we were both holding our moment.

"Sorry, I wanted to go on but-"

"No don't be sorry. It's okay. Please can you just come inside and let me dry those things off. I won't scare you away like last time."

"Tor I was an idiot. I should never have run off like that without an explanation. I behaved like an utter twit and you don't deserve that."

"Well, you are getting back into my good books now." Tor finalised with a smile.

As she grabbed her keys from her coat pocket, I knew that this was the start of the rest of my life.

Right here, this is what Edward must have felt when he first kissed Bella, or even when he realised that his feelings were being returned.

Now, he wasn't so much of a pussy.

Now I was one, too. Proud to be, as well.


	64. Wavering Naturalness

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~***~~

~~**Victoria~~**

~~*(Three Days Later – Monday)*~~

After a few days my mum was speedily facing her recovery head-on. Much to the extent that the nurses were still fascinated at how she had managed to get to this point at all. Dad had excelled in giving me the cold shoulder for the past few days; he always manages to damage the positive mood that I am in, which is rare in all honesty. Especially my good mood at the weekend after what had happened between Emmett and me.

Just thinking about Emmett caused a huge smile to appear on my face, mum had already noticed my change in demeanour, it doesn't matter how much you try and hide a good mood parents have a way of seeing past the veil and thus bring out the ammunition and the Spanish Inquisition of questioning. Although I was fortunate with my mum because she had found a way to shut dad up about refusing to let us both see one another, as far as he was aware there was nothing that was going on or going to happen with Emmett and me and lying to him is far better than having to be treated like a princess in a fairytale and be locked in my room to keep me away from him. My life was no fairytale and I did not want to make it any more emotional or stressful as it had been as my mother was indisposed.

"Haven't you got to get to school sweetheart?" Mum asked me, yes, it was Monday morning but I had deliberately visited the hospital nice and early in order to see mum before school. Dad had already gone to work and my house was not as appealing anymore as in the past when I was a teenager and staying alone in my room. I was arranging her newest bunch of flowers from my Grandparents, they had been unable to come down due to the distance from the North Country and they were not as young as they used to be. Cards and flowers were enough love to show for my mum and the pair of them were always on the end of the phone.

"I have time. Have you taken your medication?"

"Yes baby." Mum replied with a smile. Even she couldn't keep away the humorous switch in our roles as mother and daughter; I enjoyed looking after mum when I knew that she could truly hear me. As she was unconscious there was always a part of me that was in doubt, the talking was pointless because she showed the signs of a corpse in the bluntest and extreme way of explanation. The nurses were in charge of her medication but mum and I both knew that I would hunt down her medication personally in order to know that she had taken them. Sometimes mum liked to pretend that the world was perfect and that she was perfect living in it, when inside she was secretly suffering, I fear that even in a hospital bed she would make attempts to sugar coat her situation. I finished arranging the flowers and gave the vase some more water before picking up my bag from the visiting chair.

"What is your father having for dinner tonight?" Mum asked me, the bags under her eyes was lightening each day, the hospital had given her good feedback on her process, dad and I held on to hope that she was going to be discharged by the end of this present week before half term began from school.

"I don't know-"I put the strap on my shoulder and adjusted my scarf around my neck, the weather was getting colder and in the mornings the change of season was especially prominent. "He is going out drinking with some work friends; he isn't talking to me so to be honest I don't care what he's doing."

"Oh baby, he'll come round. You're his little girl; all he wants is the best for you. I do not condone his behaviour, but he and I would both like to know that you will be looked after and cared for."

"I am, mum. I know in my heart that Emmett is honest. Yes, he doesn't have the best track record but who cares? Isn't the change in his behaviour enough for others to just see that he is making changes?"

"Of course it is. Anyway, I can't wait to meet him, Esme is such a lovely lady...She does so much for the local charities."

"Now, are you sure you don't need me to bring back anything when I come back after school?"

"I have everything I need. Make sure you complete all your work before the half term, and then you can spend as much time doing what you want to."

"I plan to." I shot her a smile before leaning down and kissing her on the cheek. I was relieved that she no longer had a strange coldness to her skin, or that she was in any way pale. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Mum sent me off to school with a well-meaning and loving embrace.

I sunk into her arms, still not believing that she had finally come back to earth.

~~**Bella~~**

The sudden pounding of music from the direction of Edward's room had interrupted me from looking over my notes for what coursework I had done over the weekend. I had been a little on the anti-social side, enough to make Esme knock on my bedroom door every hour to give me a drink or something to eat. There was something so special about having a woman who wasn't your mother slipping into a mothering role so easily – even though my own mother and I had a good relationship before she turned into a greasy loving junkie, she didn't ever check on me when there was work to be done, instead just assumed that I wanted to be left alone. Which was correct the majority of the time but all the stress took its toll inside those four walls. If anyone who couldn't handle stresses any better than me it was mum.

I wasn't annoyed at the sudden burst of music through the speakers in his room, but it had surprised me in that Edward was not a man who listened to pop music much at all. I could say that I _had_ heard this singer before but do not for the life of me know their name or what status they had made in the music industry. Edward was a man of classical origin. Not because he played classical symphonies and compositions flawlessly and stunningly but he secretly loved romance and the classical side of behaviour. I had managed to make him confess that he hadn't always believed the beauty of a 'date' without any physical activity until he went out with me. To be honest, I could only agree with him – I loved how he managed to make cheesy comments so damn beautiful and make me close to tears when in reality an outsider would find it laughable to hear those sentiments fall from Edward's lips at all. The Cullens were not young men who would believe in traditional values, instead only in the tradition of bedding anything that moves, or anything with a pulse.

As I reached his doorway, the fool had left it open, allowing me to take the opportunity and lean against the frame and watch him from the back, he was strumming an imaginary guitar to the beat of the music and it took all my strength not to burst into laughter. He was the _pianist _from the highest heaven but even I could tell that his _other _hand, which was supposed to be pressing down on the wood to change notes on the strings was still. Even from the back he was adorable, I didn't have to see his face to know that he would be putting his heart and soul in miming the words, probably pretending that he was at a gig or something. Edward's dream was to be a musician after all.

As the song began to fade slowly, his hands stopped and putting them down at his sides he walked over to his dock and began to touch the various buttons on the device, I knew nothing about how that worked but he still hadn't noticed me standing there. I was about to announce my presence but it was more fun to carry out the option of seeing how long it took him to notice. I hoped that Emmett or Esme wouldn't see me standing here because that would ruin my moment of fun in watching my gorgeous boyfriend squirm as he would attempt to guess how long I had been here.

As another song came on, he turned in my direction, as his eyes fell to his sleeves; he rolled them down his perfectly muscular arms which even from this angle looked luxuriously smooth. It was always hard to hide my attraction to Edward – I was ready to carry out the next stage of our relationship with him and as soon as I had confessed that to him, my conscious and subconscious had been full of scenarios in which I always crashed back to reality with a higher heart rate and panting breaths. I sometimes did wonder that my 'waiting' wasn't a considerable amount of time, only a couple of months on knowing him altogether but, Edward was different. I knew that he was going to be patient with me, and if he turned out to be a complete arsehole like before, I would take great pleasure in hurting him in return.

As he finished with the last sleeve, his head lifted and soon enough he was eye-to-eye with me. The smile on my face was automatic as he shifted his eyes from left to right before folding his arms altogether.

"How long have you been standing there, Bell?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. _Dear God, he's sexy as hell!_

"Enough to know that you will never have a career as a guitarist." I replied, taking my hand from the door frame and placing it on my hip. "What has brought on all this dancing business, Mr Cullen?"

"Does a guy have to have a reason?" Edward asked slowly walking towards me; I could feel my heart beat faster in my chest, the whiteness of his shirt made his skin glow under the early morning light from the window.

"No. It just makes a nice change." I squealed a little as his arms embraced me, pulling me close to his body, his hair brushing against the side of my face.

"Morning sweetheart." He nuzzled into my neck, I sighed wrapping my arms around my neck, allowing his arms to envelope me in his warmth and his love. I rested my head against his shoulder, enjoying the sensations of his fingers lightly stroking my spine in a circular motion.

""Emmett came home with a huge smile yesterday; I wonder what happened to cause that." Edward stated, his voice vibrating through both our bodies. I smiled to myself already sensing that something had gone on with Emmett and Tor. It had been building for a while now and the outcome was inevitable. Honestly, I had hoped for it more so than the next person because Tor deserved to have someone who meant as much to her as Edward did for me.

"One name...Victoria." I replied, sighing a little. Life seemed to be coming together for me, and other people in my life were also heading on the right path to their destinies. I did ache to share some of this with my own mum but having her around would never be the same as having the same relationship I have with Esme. Esme had fallen into being my mother and even she would admit that my mother's behaviour was unforgiveable. Esme grew up in moral values were important in her upbringing into an adult, where being a mum always came first and that she would die for her family and in return have the same instinct from her sons and husband, too.

"Well if she can cause him to smile like that, I owe her a thank you."

"Don't make fun of him, Edward" I could sense that Edward would find Emmett's good mood a perfect opportunity for ammunition against his brother – not that Emmett was any better at winding up Edward but considering that he hadn't said much in the way of embarrassing comments towards me about Edward, it was enough for me to stand in his corner. He was making Tor happy as well, which was the reason for my new-found appreciation of the eldest Cullen brother. I brought my head back to face my Edward, my hands caressing the nape of his neck where his hair ended.

"Was the music too loud baby?" Edward asked me through closed eyes as he enjoyed the sensations my hands gave him.

"No, I need a distraction from the amount of work I've done this weekend, luckily we only have this week left." I whispered pushing further against Edward's hard torso enjoying the sensational warmth of his embrace surrounding me, loving me, protecting me.

"Hmm, we can relax." Edward tilted his head, exposing his neck to me. I placed a kiss at the centre of his throat and snuggled the side of my face against his neck, my hands wrapping around his back.

"I can't wait." I whispered, the solemn sound of his heartbeat. "However Mr Cullen, if you are to continue to hold me in this manner we won't be able to venture out to finish the last week, our mock exams aren't going to complete themselves." I ran my nose along the side of his neck and placed a small kiss under his ear, even he couldn't hold back the small moan. I turned away from him, my hair falling back from my shoulders and shot him a small smile before walking back to my room.

Yes, it was evil, but there was nothing more entertaining than watching Edward squirm, the effect I could have on his emotions still surprised me but enticed me to continue my teasing. I felt alive and wanted, and I am not going to wish this feeling away by admitting that something could burst our bubble.

I walked back into my room and folding my open book closed and placing it on my bedside table; I grabbed my bag and flung it over my shoulder.

I was ready for these exams, if only for the fantastic break to breathe after this week was over.

~~**Victoria~~**

Luckily I had brought my bag to the hospital, dad had gone to work early – he still hadn't managed to find the energy to say anything to me but to be honest when mum comes home I will feel normal again. Dad could ignore me all he wanted but he could never ignore my mother, not because of the love he bears for her and his inability to refuse anything she asked of him.

I flashed a smile at the receptionist before walking out of the double entrance doors, feeling the stone chill in the morning air, I adjusted my scarf around my neck and braced myself for the cold walk ahead of me. I had walked halfway across the car park when the sound of a horn blaring stopped me in my tracks. I looked to the right, where the entrance to the parking bay is and released a small gasp at Emmett's jeep waiting for me, Emmett smiling from behind the steering wheel.

Emmett opened the window as I approached the glass, I couldn't keep the smile away from my face, and I was feeling a mix between confusion and happiness at the sight of him.

"Emmett, what are you doing here?" I asked the heat from the car warming my face.

"Can't I guy come and offer a lift without suspicion?" Emmett raised an eyebrow, a small smirk turning up the corners of his mouth.

"Well if you were a stranger this wouldn't have the same result." I folded my arms against my waist. "How did you know I'd be here?"

"Where else would you be? I went to your house, first and it looked empty and luckily I managed to escape the potential battering from your father so, I came here to get you."

I smiled again and looked towards the entrance; two cars coasting into the car park made me walk around the front of Emmett's jeep open the passenger door and climb in. The last thing we both needed to start off the reasonably calm morning was a fight of some kind. I fastened my seatbelt and Emmett, already catching on that we were no longer alone in the car park pressed his foot to the accelerator and we moved out of the exit.

Breaking Benjamin was playing quietly around us from Emmett's iPod and I was taken back for a moment to the very first time I sat in this jeep, against my better judgement. If I hadn't had swallowed my refusal to stay away from Emmett then we would never be as comfortable with one another now. A feeling inside of me must have been present when I was trying so hard to protect myself, back then there was something that was a signal to come and now – even when alone with him, I felt safe and warm.

"How's your mum doing?" Emmett asked, breaking the solemn silence.

"Much better this morning, they are giving her till the end of the week, if she continues like this she could be discharged the day after tomorrow."

"Is your dad still not talking to you?"

I looked over at Emmett, his eyes were focused straight ahead on the road but there was concern evident in his eyes as he waited for my response, I could only guess that he was feeling guilty for my father's opinion towards him. However, my dad blatantly doesn't wish me to be happy in any relationship so what better way to embrace my own choices and become my own person than right about now. I understood his protective instincts but I didn't ask to be smothered so hard that in the end I could only answer to him, he has had his life and now it is time for me to start making my own, even if that does mean that some aspects that belong to me at the present moment may change later on.

"No he isn't talking to me. Not that I care of course." I turned my face to the window, watching the trees fly past, a sign that we were nearing the school entrance.

"He's still your dad, should I talk to him? Explain some things? I know that my behaviour is the reason behind why he will never approve of us being together-"

"No Emmett. He has guns at home and, he wouldn't be afraid to use them. Besides, if he cannot accept my choice now what will he be like when I finish school? Refuse my going to University to meet more men? Refuse an offer of marriage? He doesn't want me to be happy...I know that now. It pains me none to say it."

"I still think that you should have your relationship back with him. My dad's been away for so long that he is now a shadow in our family home, I grew up without seeing my father and to be honest...No matter how successful he has become, it would have been nice to have him around."

"It's not the same, Emmett. Listen, I appreciate your help to deal with the situation but I don't choose my feelings and I didn't ask to have them change towards you. I feel like I should be punished for it from dad, but mum accepts my change of heart and so if dad will listen to anyone it's her."

"My mum's affect on my father still makes me smile. He would die for her-"

"He'd die for all of you. I'm sure my dad did at some time but now, he'd much prefer me to live like a nun than ever witness me involve myself with another guy. I may be a sheltered girl but he isn't allowing me to become a woman, what sort of parent does that?"

"Perhaps when your mum comes back all of you could have a talk about it all..."

"That is all good and done but what good will that do? Look, Emmett as much as I love talking about going against my father's better wishes...He ruins all conversation and, I sound unappreciative if I keep saying bad things against his name. I know he isn't a bad man but in this particular situation he refuses to hear me out at all and that is stubborn. I have given up being civilised as he has squandered any opportunity to come to a compromise."

"Okay." Emmett finished the conversation, I was internally grateful to him in that moment for swallowing the other thoughts he may have wanted to express. My relationship with my father had hit a rocky patch at the moment but that doesn't mean that I will ever stop loving him, he is my dad after all.

Emmett drove through the entrance gates and swiftly found a parking spot in the student car park, I undid my seatbelt and swivelled my body to face him head-on.

"I'll meet you at reception at half three, then?" Emmett said, turning off the ignition and placing the ring of his car key ring around his index finger.

"Are you sure you're okay with taking me home as well, here is a bus you know?"

"I know but, I just want to know that you're safe."

"Are we going to talk about what happened on Friday?"

"Of course if that's what you want." I had a nagging doubt in my mind all weekend about whether my actions on Friday had been too forward. Emmett was much more experienced than I and I was no stranger to this. He had also been involved with Rosalie and compared with her I may as well be the Jane Eyre to the stunning Blanche Ingram. In the end, the plain woman had won but life was not like a Bronte novel, nor did it follow any of the fantasy romance that exists in literature that many of us crave to possess.

"Do you regret it...Wish it had never happened?" I placed my hands on my lap and bit down on my lip, this was the moment of truth – these emotions were so new to me that I felt scared that I wasn't dealing with them correctly. Whether there was a right way to deal with heightened emotion at all.

Emmett's eyes fell to his own lap for a while before rising again, he then slowly leaned in, I was paralyzed to the spot unable to pull away to what was coming and instead felt his warm breath on my lips before both our lips met, Emmett tilted his head, his lips soft and gentle on mine, my hands tingled in my lap beneath me. After a moment he pulled away, his face still inches from mine – a smile appearing on his face.

"Does that answer your question?" I beamed at Emmett and ran my hands up his chest before wrapping them around his neck, I rested my head on his shoulders and moulded against his bulky torso, the warmth of his neck wrapping me in only him and only this moment. One of Emmett's hands rested on the small of my back and the other ran through my hair, the faint sound of his heartbeat filling my ears.

~~**Bella~~**

I opened my locker in the usual way, getting out my French revision textbook, I had my first mock exam at eleven and could manage to cram a good hour and a half of last minute revision. Although the reading tests in languages always came more natural to me than the oral exams or assessments, I was feeling refreshingly confident about this one.

"Hey Bella!" I leaned back to see beyond my locker door and saw Tor smiling at me.

"Hey!" I replied not hiding the fact that I had missed being around her so much. Revision had taken me away from contacting her at the weekend and in honesty, I did feel like a bad friend. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Is there any chance I could revise French with you, I have only gone and left my textbook at home!"

"Of course." I took out the rest of my things including my pencil case and closed my locker door, leaning my back against it my head turning to Tor.

"Why do I have the feeling that you are going to get an inquisition on me?" Tor asked as she bit down on her lip warily.

"Probably because I am and it involves a certain person...Sportsman, drives a Jeep, my boyfriend's brother...Answers to the name of Emmett. Ring any bells?"

"Yes." Tor rolled her eyes and leant against the lockers beside me. "What do you want to know?"

"Any new developments? You see he wasn't able to conceal his smile all weekend, I mean Emmett is the kind of guy who can't be seen until the late hours of the afternoon because he is too busy sleeping in his bed. However he couldn't stop being attentive to us all."

Tor smiled and shook her head "what makes you think that had anything to do with me?"

"Well, I remember when he was with Rosalie and he never smiled at all, and I have been there. Whenever I'm with Edward or whenever I think about him I can never stop smiling! Something's changed about you, something for the better, too!"

"Okay Mrs Holmes if you must know. Something has happened, I kissed him on Friday."

"Ah well that would explain Emmett's behaviour." I had the smile plastered all over my face, I could not disapprove of Emmett and Tor in any way, I had the sneaky suspicion that something was going to happen, and at least I hoped deep down something would because I had hurt her so much in not speaking with her about how I had fallen for Edward. "I don't know what to say..."

"Please don't say anything. I already know that you're happy for me; at least I like to hope you are-"

"Of course I am! I mean, I have never seen Emmett so happy and watching that from a third person's perspective is enough."

"Well, I want us to be together officially but...My father will never approve." Tor's eyes fell to the floor. I couldn't help but want to kick her father hard where it hurts; I could understand how a parent would want to help their children make the right decision but her father was just being a stubborn fool about it all. Emmett had behaved badly and so had Edward, both had their faults but that didn't mean that they were unable to qualify for a second chance.

"Have you told your mum about it?"

"Yes, she knows about Emmett. He came in with me at the hospital to see her, I mean he's as scared as anything when it comes to hospitals, he couldn't have made that more obvious but he did it. For me. Mum is fine with it, I am hoping that she can talk some sense into dad, she is the only person who will make him see any kind of sense, until then he is refusing to talk to me or acknowledge my existence."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Just lend me your shoulder if I need it." Tor said wrapping her arm around me.

"That's a given, come on we better get to registration and prepare our minds for French!"

"Oui, oui indeed!"


	65. We Come Together (One)

I plan to have this story finished very soon. Ultimately no more than seventy chapters. Thank you to the people who keep reading and have supported me along the way! I love you all.

I DO NOT OWN Twilight – JigsawRose2012.

~~***~Just Between Neighbours~***~~

~~**Bella~~**

*(End of the week)*

It felt like the coming week was never going to end, I found myself today after school looking back on the time spent worrying about the mock exams when there was in fact no need to. I felt comfortable with how I did marks a first time for everything in my academic ability. I wasn't the fastest learner in school but in all honesty I wasn't ever the really slow one. Letting out a sigh, I zipped up my wheelie suitcase placed on my bed. Esme had been ensuring that I had packed everything I needed and now she was standing against my doorframe, her arms folded.

"Well, I wish I could say that I will worry about you _every _minute, warn you that I don't want you sharing the same room with Edward because you might be tempted and all that 'parent stuff'. I know my son, Bella and I know that together you two make a very special couple but please, respect one another to be ready for intimacy when the time is right for both of you. I haven't ever had a daughter, but I know men and when they turn primal, it's in their blood. I respect and love my sons but they are still young men and capable of becoming the victims of raging testosterone, promise me that you will make your own choice and abide by your own instincts when considering sex."

"I promise, Esme." I replied.. Strangely unaffected by her mention of 'sex'. I couldn't tell Esme that I had not been able to stop delving into unnatural fantasies and daydreams about her son and I in a very compromising position. This was unnatural in the sense that I have never done such things. Thoughts and feelings of love were still so new and foreign to me but at the same time, it all felt right. Naturally I could daydream about my undoubtedly sexy boyfriend when I was supposed to do work; I wish there could be a subject in which I could study Edward for hours on end. Sadly, this was not possible in real life.

With a wink, Esme walked over to me and wrapped her arms around me, she has such a small figure that she fit around me perfectly, I couldn't help but sink into her, we are the same height and it made a nice change to not have someone tower over me. Esme didn't have to be tall to make me feel protected, I had a home here to return to and she would always be there.

"I know Edward will look after you." I heard her whisper into my hair. It was incredible how much her faith in Edward had restored since I had moved in next door. I felt happier that she had a better relationship with both he and Emmett, she of course had inklings about Emmett falling in love but apparently in her words, love was much harder to come by for Emmett than her youngest. I suppose being a mother would make her the best candidate to call upon for that knowledge.

"We will both be careful, Esme…I promise." My statement was meant in more than the obvious way, this break was something that Edward and I needed. I needed to get away from the close proximity of my old house, my mother had well and truly shipped out abandoning me and all of the memories of the life we had and were meant to always have together just the two of us.

After Esme released me, she made her way back downstairs, I hauled the suitcase from my bed and consulted my 'to pack' list on the bedside table. I ticked off the empty boxes left and threw the paper into my bin.

I was now waiting until Edward comes back from the supermarket, Esme had found him a job in getting her some last minute supplies, that and his own list for us to take to the hotel with us. I didn't want to know what she must have put on there, as much as I loved Esme, she was known to be a little on the mischievous side. I gladly allowed her to take the role as a second mum and a friend because she had done so much for me.

Soon, Edward and I would be on the road and we could finally be alone once more. I had waited so long to be alone with him, properly because being under Esme's roof there was only so much we could do without having to cause sheer embarrassment at my being caught in a rather exposing position with her son.

I just couldn't wait and I wasn't going to hide my excitement, either.

~~**Victoria~~**

I found contentment in listening to my iPod; since it was Friday evening I could allow myself a 'lazy' time. Since the mocks had taken so much out of me, my parents cannot find a reason to give me something to do. Having my job on the weekends helped a little too. The coach still hadn't stopped being a complete tool but of course, it was money and it was cash in hand, two advantages meaning a double win. I was also happy at the fact that mum had returned from hospital, granted she was much less active than before because she needs to get back into the swing of things but her having to abide to the 'no stress' rule from the Doctor meant that I could take care of her here and not worry about the horrors of hospital.

I was happy with how I had done in my exams; exams have never been a problem with me, always doing work when not in a formal examination always proved trickier. I tried my best and mum has always managed to drill that into me, even if academically I do not score high if there was such thing as greater recognition and a mark for effort I would score extremely high. I was calm, in such a nice element – opening my eyes I looked up at the ceiling. My large Astronomy wheel hanging up there in all of its beauty. Yes, I believe in those things. I manoeuvred over to my side and almost jumped out of my skin as I looked over to my window. There was Emmett waving at me, his face resembling that of a rabbit caught in the headlights, my bedroom was on the ground floor so he didn't have to sneak past my parent's room, which fortunately was upstairs. God forbid my mum should see him sneak over here. I hadn't seen him all day, I was happy as all hell but of course I needed to get my heart beating properly again. I literally leapt off my bed, forgetting the fact that I had taken the iPod with me, the carpet cushioning it's fall along with the earphones that had left both my ears. I lifted up my sash window and was welcomed by Emmett's smile.

"What are you doing?" I asked, keeping my voice quiet in case the neighbours decided to snitch to my dad about this.

"I really wanted to see you. Edward and Bella are going away and I don't like goodbyes, besides I want to take you out." His smile was cheeky, going out wasn't a question, more of a demand and I was far too eager to allow him to take me anywhere he wanted. Of course if I had my way this is what would happen, but I had a father who didn't like the idea of his daughter dating anyone, let alone Emmett Cullen.

"Take me out? Em my dad is home most nights, my mum is ill I can't leave her unsupervised." It was true that my mum needed me; I couldn't abandon her to go on a date. Emmett nodded once in understanding.

"I forgot your mum was back home. How is she?" I wanted to answer but I guessed that to an outsider looking in we must look beyond ridiculous having a conversation in this way.

"She's fine, I would invite you in through the front door but mum might be asleep. Can you climb in here?" I doubted the reality that he would but before he could reply he was stepping through the window, ducking low, amazingly he managed to get through, completely. I stepped back and watched as he closed the window and turned around to face me, again.

Cutting me to the chase he closed all space between us and lifted me into his arms, his strength is something I still found incredible, his grizzly-bear exterior with a teddy bear interior. I was such a lucky girl, I was grateful that we had found a way to be a bigger and deeper part of each other's lives. I nestled against him, my legs securely around his waist; he surrounded me in every possible way.

Emmett moaned contently "I have waited all day for this." He carried me over to my bed; luckily he didn't manage to cause a noise that would indicate the end of my iPod's life. He landed on the bed first cushioning me with his body as we fell together, I giggled at the fact that he was putting a bit too much strain on my flimsy single bed. Now would not be a good time to ask my parents for a double bed, especially when they knew I was with Emmett. I rested my head on his chest, letting his breathing soothe me. There was something special about hearing only the sound of a heartbeat and of breathing in and out, seems so simple and yet so amazing at the same time.

"How would you feel about going on a date? I mean I don't have much experience on dating and…Well…I want….What I mean is-" I lifted my head off his chest and placed my finger to his lips.

"Stop babbling. I don't care that you haven't dated-" I paused and my mind drifted to Rosalie. As an overall guess I didn't place her as someone who would walk to walk along a beach and talk about anything and everything, at least not in the way I wanted to. I often found myself unnecessarily comparing myself to Rosalie. Looks wise there is no competition between us but I do consider myself to be a better person, overall. "All I care about is trying to convince my father that you aren't the guy you used to be." I lifted myself off of him and stood up to retrieve my iPod from the floor.

"I was a shit. There's no excuse, I mean it's a miracle my mum has managed to forgive me, especially since there were times when I treated her so badly. I wish I could get those years back ya know?" I gazed at Emmett. He was genuinely remorseful about the way he has been in the past, both he and his brother were far from the village favourites and now Bella and I had the benefit of being involved with them far more closely than we could have ever imagined_. Definitely an on-going topic of conversation for the Country Club._

"Don't worry; you have the rest of your life to make it up to her. I mean what you and Edward have done for her; in organising for your father to come and work back home…The gesture could not be sweeter or heart-felt." I placed my iPod back on my bedside table. "When is he making the surprise visit?"

"Whilst Edward and Bella are away, he got onto a flight at some time yesterday but that's all we have managed to find out from his boss." Emmett replied his eyes fixated on my Astrology wheel. I had forgotten that this was the first time he had been in my bedroom, well, that and also finding which one was my window at all. I folded my arms and looked up with him. "Which are you?"

"Don't know. My birth month is May, May nineteenth."

"Taurus, the bull…Now why doesn't that surprise me?" I teased turning away from him and walking towards the window.

"Oh, so you won't tell me what this bull has that I do, too?" I smiled at his question; Emmett was adorable in attempting to tease me in a subject he knows nothing about. I remained looking out the window even though my attention was purely inside the room.

"I don't think you'd want to know, the majority of them are considered…The unreasonable kind of person." Of course, this wasn't true.

"Unreasonable eh? Well isn't that a little too general I mean, surely not all us bulls are unwilling to compromise about things." I could hear him getting closer; being discreet and creeping up on me is hard to do when my bed makes so much noise when he has gotten on it and off of it.

"Hmmm…No it's mostly general things. All-star signs share traits, whether this is on a moderate level or even a little one; I believe that there is a reason why people are born under each sign." I was fighting back laughter at how absurd this conversation had gotten to.

"So care to tell me why I'm a bull?"

"You're masochistic, strong, stubborn-" I yelped at his arms seizing around my waist bringing me down to the floor. I felt the carpet on my legs as he towered beautifully above me his hands around my wrists above my head.

"Stubborn?" he asked before smiling and crashing his lips to mine. Suddenly all conversation disappeared at the heavenly feeling of his lips caressing my own. I wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing his body closer to me, our hips meeting and our chests melding, the more I kissed Emmett the further I wanted to go. I could kiss him forever, even though the idea of being even closer to him in that way terrifies me. I don't let on that the act of 'sex' scares me, I don't even let that on to my mother and we tell each other near enough everything in life.

"Very, very stubborn." I answered in reply, my voice sounding half way between a sigh and a moan. Emmett's lips worked down my neck, I tilted my head back at the new sensations flowing underneath my skin, my chest heavily rising up and down.

"Come on a date with me?" Emmett lifted his head brushing his nose along mine. I closed my eyes, inwardly battling with my head and my heart. I wanted to go on a date more than words can express but that doesn't mean that my father would let me, even with my mum's persuasion. Sometimes I wish I didn't have as protective parents as my own, they love me but they can't see that I have to make my own decisions and grow as a person, yet.

"Emmett-"

"I'll talk to however many people I have to….I'll even stand in front of your father when he has his gun in his hand. I just want to show you a good time, make you happy, you deserve it."

"Okay." I replied, rolling my eyes – I couldn't resist Emmett, he was my drug in all kinds of ways. I could take on my father, he can't lock me up like a princess in her castle, I had become accustomed to using two escape routes to get out my room that I had made in the past.

"That's it? That's all it took? Damn, you are crazy about me, aren't you?" I stifled back a giggle at the adorable sound of Emmett's voice as he was blowing his own trumpet. At least he will always have his ego.

"Yes, okay I surrender, my master your powers are proving too powerful to resist."

"There's no need to mock me." Emmett raised an eyebrow, still smiling.

"There's no need to have your ego stroked any more, either." I replied.

I managed to finish the conversation, win in banter with Emmett once again. However, the newest problem I was now facing was the fact that I was so deeply in love with Emmett after only a short time of us talking to one another let alone going out with one another. My feelings felt so natural but at the same time, the intensity of my feelings hit me sometimes at happening all too soon.

Can Emmett love me in the same way, in return?

~~**Bella~~**

*(Later that Evening)*

I couldn't hold back my sigh of happiness as I stepped into mine and Edward's room at the hotel. Rush hour traffic hadn't proved to be a problem and I was relieved that we managed to get here in enough time to have some dinner from the buffet, downstairs. I laid down my wheelie on the bed and turned to help Edward with the other bags. We had Esme pack most of our things for us, apparently she knew how to pack in such a way that the necessities last, we couldn't argue with her, the woman was a genius.

I walked over to the window, liking the greener view outside away from the roads and traffic. There was something amazing about this place but I couldn't make a definitive reason as to why. Edward sighed and put the bags on the floor closing our door behind him.

"Shall I order room service, Bell?" He asked me turning on the light to our en-suite.

"No, I was thinking maybe we could go down to the buffet, we only have four days here after all…Would you mind that?"

"No of course not." Edward came out and walked towards me taking one of my hands, he raised my arm and I twisted round facing the window, again. My beautiful boyfriend gazed into my eyes, melting my soul, the man held too much power over me and annoyingly, he knew that all too well. "I can't believe I'm here with you, Bell." He leaned in closer, brushing his lips along the side of my neck, I took my hand out from his above our bodies and brought it around his neck, I held onto him tightly, fearing that my legs were going to give way at any moment under his intentions.

"Me either." I replied, resting my head against his chest. I hadn't forgotten why Edward and I wanted to come here, the reason not just for the break but for me to finally say goodbye to my virginity. I still hadn't managed to control my trembling at the concept of having sex for the first time. I always swore to myself that I would be in love, and in love with Edward I most certainly was but I felt like I hadn't ever said it before, at least verbally I may have said it more than a few times but I wanted to show Edward love with my body, feel his love for me through his body too.

"I'm scared…Edward, I'm scared that I won't do this right. That my not knowing what to do will ruin what special plans we made." I said, boring my soul and fighting back my tears at the absurdity about my worrying. I had a man who loved me, the most handsomest guy in the entire school and suddenly, I felt inferior – not good enough to fully experience him, have our bodies come together in such an animalistic and consuming passion. Edward placed a finger under my chin and I brought my head up to face him, our eyes meeting again.

"Do you remember our conversation on the windshield of my Volvo, after the party?"

"I was tipsy. I remember saying something about lap dances…-" Edward flashed that famous and unbelievably sexy crooked smile.

"Yes, that and the fact that I said I wanted to be with you no matter how long I have to wait. Nothing is going to change Bell, only the fact that I will love you even more knowing that you have placed such trust in me. I promise to look after you to the best of my ability, I can't promise that you won't feel any pain but if you do, it will be quick and there is a chance that you might not climb to an orgasm but believe me, after the first time I will ensure that you experience the pleasure you bring me as many times as you want. Don't be afraid, Bella, we don't have to do this today, tomorrow or even a month from now…I want you to be ready, I want to experience this with you so badly, Bell that it makes me ache so much." I cupped his face in my hands.

"How did I get so lucky?" I whispered to which Edward rested his forehead against mine.

"I ask myself that every day my Bella. Besides, if I am not mistaken you have seen me in such a 'compromising position', before in which I distinctly remember a very beautiful and powerful blush…Let's hope I can see that, again."

I cringed at the fact that I had unexpectedly witnessed Edward getting pleasured orally by Tanya Denali, as soon as I envisioned my embarrassment at seeing the school hunk and the redheaded Barbie in that predicament I felt the heat come to my cheeks. Edward giggled as he ran a finger across my cheekbone.

"There it is. Oh you are so beautiful, Bella." Running my hands along his chest, I silenced him with my lips, his words plastered firmly in my mind. He wanted me in every way and I wanted so much to give myself to him, I desired him, loved him, and needed him in my life for now and always. I couldn't ever envision myself with another person now that my mind had been opened to how love can really be. The unexpected but liberating feeling of having someone at your side. Breaking away from him, I bit down on my lip at the hunger etched into his stunning green eyes, I didn't have to know verbally that I was desired…I felt beautiful, in my own skin I felt beautiful when being looked at by Edward.

"Can we go and have something to eat, perhaps order some dessert by room service later if we want to?"

"Yes baby of course we can. We can do anything we want." Kissing his hand, I pulled away from him and walked to where I had put my suitcase down. Crouching down and opening my suitcase, I took the wash bag out. I needed time in the shower preparing myself, I knew what Esme had packed for me, I noticed it before zipping my suitcase up back at home. Sneaky woman had placed it in there but hadn't surprised me, entirely. Esme had packed the dress she had given me when going to my first social party being the new girl in the village. The same dress I wore when Edward found me freezing at the side of the road. I wanted to go down to dinner to take the opportunity for him to see me in it again. Especially since how our relationship had changed since I had last worn it. We had both come far in our involvement with one another that it seems so long ago that we were simply neighbours from two different social worlds. I, the slightly timid new girl and he the school's Don Juan. We were now equals, equals who were very much in love with each other.

I walked into the en-suite letting Edward unpack the rest of our things and began to make myself look presentable after a tiring car journey.

~~**Edward~~**

I was enamoured with Bella. I got more and more in love with her every day. I desired her in every possible way, my desire so much stronger and so much more important to me than the simple lust I had endeavoured in willingly before. I hated the fact that she had first gotten to know me as some kind of school Casanova, when in reality I was trying to substitute sex with the fact that I disliked my life in general. Having sex was my drug, a rather unsatisfying one at that. I had only ever known sex as something generated from lust and my general hate at how I believed my life to be when in reality, I had a loving mother and father who I had treated very badly along with my older brother and there was nothing wrong with what I had. Sure it would have been nicer to have dad around more often but having to work must have taken its toll on him as well. Being away from the woman you love for long periods in a year must have been unbearable at times; being away from Bella makes me feel physically sick.

I understood Bella's fear; losing something that you can't ever get back is a risk in itself. I was grateful to her for wanting to trust me with something so precious and something that was entirely her own. There could have been anyone for her that could have carried out such an act but she had chosen me….That was something that I still couldn't understand.

I didn't want her to be afraid and I was willing to wait for her, I would wait for her for however long I had to as long as she felt comfortable. Being so close to her is unbearable at times because of my need to devour her, my old self would have willingly done so without so much as an answer. There is more to my physical need with Bella, I wanted to pleasure her but also to learn her body, learn how she responds to my touch for future reference. She was mine, she will always be mine.

As I heard the shower turn on, I took out the suit that I had taken from my parent's closet with my mum's permission. My father wore it the day he proposed to my mum and apparently he and I are very much the same size in clothing. I wasn't going to propose to Bella but the sentimental value was there and perhaps with my father's suit on, I can, in some way prove to be like him. Aim to cherish his girlfriend as the ultimate gift in his life, the blessing on all bad situations and the person that I look forward to when coming home every day. My parents love was something that I had underestimated for so many years, I just merely believed that my mum endured my father's absence because that is what parents do but now I understood how it must have torn her apart to be away from him. Also with mine and Emmett's continuous behavioural issues, no wonder she was at her wits end more than once.

I looked at the suit once again and placed it somewhere hidden until I could have a shower of my own and take Bella down to dinner. Fair enough if it was a buffet then I'd be scarily overdressed but because Bella had made me such a better person, I owed it to her to make any time we have at this hotel unforgettable.

I will start of course, with dinner and then who knows. I hoped that this was the night that I could show Bella just how much I love her and am grateful I found her and the fact that she is, and always will be mine.


End file.
